It seems like all homeschool parents stress over socialization.
What is socialization?
The enculturation for the process of being socialized to a particular culture. {anthropology}
Children learn the norms, customs, values, and ideologies of society from their parents…and eventually others. {Wikipedia}
I don’t want my family to be representative of our culture.
When I first began homeschooling, it was purely for academic and financial reasons. After a few years, we realized this would be our lifestyle.
When we met an older KMC couple at the American Cemetery in Normandy, the lady who is a DODs school teacher, nodded her approval that our kids are “at least in the base sports…for socialization.”
I gritted my teeth and pasted on a smile.
My husband’s family has expressed that everything I post online is a direct attack on them as public school teachers. I never tag them nor directly send them articles I write or share. I was a public and private school teacher and college professor and private tutor, so it’s not like I don’t know the system and issues. I chose to get out of the system and homeschool.
I post and write articles for discussion and provoking conversation. So many are indoctrinated into what the government and society wants us to believe is best that they defend it! There are other options.
I don’t want an institution raising my child.
School is not necessary.
Herding groups of same-age children for 13 years is not socialization.
Too many people think that a school environment is the only way children can and should be socialized. They offer weak arguments. They’re confused how my homeschooled children will ever cope in the world.
I’m not buying what they’re selling.
I don’t believe socialization is any of this:
- Bullying
- Competition
- Age Segregation
- Standing in line
- Sitting still
- Being silent
- Raising hands for permission to do anything
- Power and control by adults over children
- Using the toilet only on a schedule
- Eating a barely nutritious state-funded “lunch” in fewer than 20 minutes
I’m not worried about my kids not knowing how to stand in line or act quietly when necessary.
I’ve noticed that when we attend community events, it’s often the children who attend school who have self-control problems.
The education I provide my children is above and beyond better than anything a school can offer.
We use amazing books, travel experiences, real art, and handicrafts projects (instead of cutesy worthless crafts).
I make sure I find time to include all the art, music, nature study, and interests my children have in addition to our math, Latin, history, and science.
We read and study the Bible every day, not just on Sundays at church.
My job is not to recreate a school environment.
We choose not to participate in co-ops and seldom attend field trips or events in our homeschool community because they too often replicate a school environment.
Almost all the field trips and co-op classes are age-segregated and offer very little of value to me or my children. When we have attended in the past, my kids soon complain since the courses are unorganized, the other kids are unruly and disrupt their attempts to learn, deadlines are arbitrary, and rules are enforced inconsistently. We’ve been bullied.
Just because it’s the norm doesn’t mean it’s for us.
Too many homeschool events seem to be just exclusive clubs for cliques within the homeschool community. For example, a particular mom plans an event or field trip and messages her children’s friends’ moms to sign up so the event is full before others even notice it’s on the calendar.
I read articles, blogs, memes, and social media statuses attempting to be humorous, describing kids and siblings and families fighting and bickering and being mean to each other. Or memes about back to school time where the parents are ecstatic to get rid of their kids. Or the public shaming of kids acting like children. I don’t find it funny. It saddens me that this is the expectation and considered normal.
The kids and I all get along really well. My kids seldom argue. They never fight. We are respectful and kind to each other.
I respect my children as people. They are perfectly capable of answering questions without my input. They are perfectly capable of making wise choices (most of the time). They are perfectly capable of deciding what and how and when they learn.
We have a peaceful home and restful homeschool.
The kids work together and help around the house, assist each other, and have great attitudes (most of the time).
This kind of learning is way more important to me than if my kids compete in sports, do well academically, stand in line without fidgeting, ace the SAT, or get a high-paying job.
I think I’m doing all right.
I recently received this text from a neighbor:
Because it matters more to me that my kids are kind and well-behaved and know how to interact well with others when I’m not around.
Thought provoking read! Thanks for sharing your insights. Blessings!
Wonderfully expressed! I enjoyed reading your post.
Amen! Last night my 4 was acting like…well 4! she was running up and down the almost empty hal at church with anouther 4 and a kid abo 7 who is on Atsuim speck. this lady tells me she can’t stand that because she has to stop such behavior in the school she works in. I said oh well they are kids. kids love to run special right before bed. Mine does it evrynight and the parents of the other 2 will be glad they are already for bed. this is normal child behavior. not the don’t do that hindering of the school. I let my kid contunie and the other 2. later the parents of the other 2 TXT me and thanked me for watching the kids well they set up their club class room.
Good job, Mama! Those kids weren’t harming a thing. :)
Yes, yes, yes! The twelve years I was teaching school, I was training little robots. Very few of those who graduated actually pursued something meaningful -being a teacher and my favorite – a museum curator; she’s back in the states and working at Mt. Vernon. I’m thankful I was called to home educate my son because he is well socialized because of our ministry, church, and just being around a variety of people. “Socialization” is a HUGE problem in our society today. Thanks for sharing with Thankful Thursdays.
I’m a former teacher and I feel schools do a great job of teaching kids how to be great students, NOT great learners. Schools do a great job of teaching how to “play the game” and take tests and conform, all the while claiming that the goal is to expand their minds and support higher-thinking skills…I could go on about this all day, but I’ll just end by saying I thought this was a great post and I’m happy to see someone else who can see this!
I totally agree with all your points! In fact, I don’t want my kids to be socialized like every one else. I have seen the decline of our society, how we interact with each other, etc. I have had the same experience with people telling me how respectful my kids are, and frankly, I don’t consider it anything above and beyond what they should be doing – making eye contact speaking up, answering questions, etc….it’s common courtesy.
I agree with many of your thoughts but I don’t know what your abbreviations mean. Thanks for sharing your post with us at Creatively Crafty #CCBG http://tryit-likeit.com/link-party-it
Which abbreviations do you mean?
So many good thoughts — this is my 17th year of homeschooling, and I’m so thankful that we have had that option. I also take my hat off to parents of kids in public and Christian schools who have gone the extra mile to make sure their children are well-trained and “socialized.”
I raised my kids in the 60’s and 70’s and at that time I didnt know anyone that was homeschooling, that said, I can see many reasons why it would be a good choice. But also at that time, we had teachers that cared about their work as a teacher and as parents worked closely with them in school activities and at home.
Great point of views, thank you for sharing your story on socialization on Oh My Heartsie Girl FF this week, I appreciate your stopping by. Would love to have you stop by again soon.
Hope you have a great holiday weekend, be safe!
Karren♥
I love this! My little one is not yet old enough to go to school or be homeschooled, but conversations have already been had and I see that people are passionate on all sides of the equation. I could not agree more with what you have said and I daresay that now you have given me the courage to be open and honest about it. For me it is hard to be that forthright about something in front of others, but the truth is that I cannot bear that my little one would ever go through what I did in school. I was bullied relentlessly and had a most awful time of it. Socialization is hardly that. Kindness is neither valued, nor taught. Just because something is in the majority does not make it right. Thank you for your honest and true words.
I am not a parent, but as someone who went to traditional/public school, I think a lot of the arguments against homeschooling are unfair. Students at public schools get “socialized”? We spent most of our time sitting in classes, where kids should not be speaking to one another, and had about one hour to talk at lunch and recess. And ten minutes between classes, most of which was spent trying to get to the next class! I don’t understand people who think that school is the one opportunity for a kid to socialize.
I heard all types of things over my 16 years of homeschooling. My kids are doing great inspite of not being in school. :) They are 17 and 20.
I think you said it all! Thank you for sharing this on the Art of Home-Making Mondays at Strangers & Pilgrims on Earth! :)
This is a really interesting article. It’s not something I’ve really thought about as I don’t have kids and I live in the UK where homeschooling seems to be a lot less common but you make some good points. Visiting from Word of God Speak Linkup.
I have to say… I and my siblings were homeschooled and we totally fought! All the time. But… Don’t you DARE dis’ my brothers to me. :)
My mom definitely made great sacrifices to homeschool us and train us. I know there were many days where she would’ve loved to send the 6 of us to school for a bit of peace and quiet, but she didn’t and every. single. one of us are grateful to her for her dedication and hard work. :)
Socialization is not normal, nor is it biblical. It’s simply something our culture has accepted as the norm.
I feel like as a child I learned more about the school work than real socialization and how to work in society, some of which I think is important for all students!
Thanks for linking up with Welcome Home Wednesdays! Live every Wednesday at 7AM CT.
liz @ j for joiner
Great Post! thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing this! We are homeschooling the first year and we had several people give us some slight comments or even blunt comments on how we aren’t,” socializing,” our children! Haha. I especially love your comment about the bullying and being silent! These are all points I’ve felt our children have seen in school and don’t miss! Thank you so much!