My eldest hates moving around. She longs for stability, long-term friendships, roots, a home, belonging.
A small part of me understands, but I’ve never felt like I belong anywhere. I grew up in the same house for my first 16 years, and the same state for 29 years. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
Military life can be stressful, especially for children. There are a lot of unknowns and that’s scary. Deployments, TDYs, PCSes all add to the instability.
It’s always a conundrum when people innocently ask, “So, where are you from?” Do we answer where we were born, where we’re currently living, where our home of record is, or where our favorite “heart home” is?
Most kids don’t have to learn to say goodbye so often.
Change can be so hard.
I don’t like the term “military brat.” I think it has a negative connotation. I realize it’s an acronym: Born, Raised, And Trained. Or for the UK military: British Regiment Attached Traveler.
Kids are never brats. Children are always good. Many behavior issues arise from circumstances and environment. That’s important to realize as a military family.
The official flower of the military child is the dandelion. Why? The plant puts down roots almost anywhere, and it’s almost impossible to destroy. It’s an unpretentious plant, yet good looking. It’s a survivor in a broad range of climates. Military children bloom everywhere the winds carry them. They are hardy and upright. Their roots are strong, cultivated deeply in the culture of the military, planted swiftly and surely. They’re ready to fly in the breezes that take them to new adventures, new lands, and new friends.
My military kids are amazing.
They put up with so much with so few complaints.
How Military Life Prepares Kids for Success in Life:
Resilience and Flexibility
They’re able to adapt brilliantly to different circumstances with joy and ease and contentment. I wish I could say the same for myself! They don’t show their disappointment as much as I do. When our extension was denied, then granted, then denied after all, they took it all in stride and were great examples to me in my meltdown. They look to the positive at every duty station we have lived at, and are (almost) always optimistic!
Independence
They know we have to jump in headfirst. The kids organize their rooms for packouts. They set up their rooms in new places. They pack their suitcases and backpacks for travel. They run through a new neighborhood, looking for the playground to make new friends. They are eager to get involved at a new church and find their place in our new community.
Value
They realize the importance of intangible things like travel experiences and fishing trips with Dad before he deploys. They appreciate their friends, even if for only a season. They cherish our unique experiences and the special memories we make. Stuff is just baggage to be packed up and moved every few years. They know not to hold on too tightly to things.
Perspective
Their attitudes and points of view are broader for having lived in so many different places and for traveling so extensively. They have so many memories of neato experiences. Our family has inside jokes and memories that are so unique to our military lifestyle!
It’s easy to look on the downside of military life with its stresses and separations. But I can’t allow myself to do that very often. I have to maintain a brave face and stay positive to be a role model for my kids.
I realize that I am not in control. We don’t get much say in where we live or when we move. Deployments and TDYS and special tasks pop up suddenly and interfere with plans, with our lives. We can only adapt, stay positive, and pray.
My children appreciate their experiences, even with its ups and downs. For us, it’s just life.
Deployments put us in survival mode.
Goodbyes can be very sad and scary.
We’re due for another deployment this year.
PCS time can be exhausting and stressful for all of us.
Long travel and wait times, sometimes in the middle of the night.
Walking into the unknown as we make our way to a new living situation is scary.
My military kids have taught me a lot about life.
There are lots of books out there now for military families.
Some of these are not necessarily about military life or military families, but they’re super helpful during deployment, TDY, PCS, or any other time that books can comfort military kids.
Great Books for Military Families:
- Third Culture Kids by David C. Pollack
- The Kissing Hand Books by Audry Penn
- The Invisible String by
- Night Catch by
- All Those Secrets of the World by
- While You Are Away by
- Deployment by Julia Cook
- While You Were Gone…A Writing and Drawing Deployment Journal for Kids
- The Fathers Are Coming Home by
- Lovely Books by Nancy Tillman
- Where Do the Tears Go? by
- The Wishing Tree by
- The Magic Box: When Parents Can’t Be There to Tuck You In by
- This Is Where You Belong: Finding Home Wherever You Are by
- Almost There: Searching for Home in a Life on the Move by
- Mission in San Antonio by Melissa Cook
- A Look Back in Time: Memoir of a Military Kid in the Fifties by Bernard N. Lee, Jr.
- Extraordinary Military Kids: A Workbook for and about Military Kids by Megan Numbers
- Deployment: Strategies for Working with Kids in Military Families by Karen Petty
- H Is for Honor: A Millitary Family Alphabet by Devin Scillian
You might also like:
- Preparing Kids for a PCS
- Homeschooling During Deployment
- Homeschooling in the Military
- Homeschooling Where the Military Sends Us
- Third Culture Kids
Coming from a childhood where I lived in the same house for 18 years, this is a very interesting perspective. I admire you for handling the military family life, and helping your children adjust and be strong no matter what the circumstance. Sending positive thoughts to you and your family for the upcoming deployment.
I have taught a few military kids. My utmost respect!!! #wonderfulwednesday
The picture of dad and daughter is priceless. It gives words to what cannot be given words to. Resilience is such an important character trait to navigate our world gracefully. What a wonderful trait to continue to learn from your children.
Kids are much braver than we realize. These kids are amazing.
Such great points. I shared with my daughter, who is nannying for a military family.
I’m not a military brat, but I have so many family members who have served, and I love the points you make here! Another aspect I love about being a part of a military family is the pride you have in your country. Not a sinful pride, just a better understanding of appreciating the freedom we have. Thanks so much for sharing this! Visiting from #DestinationInspiration. :)
I was a Navy kid (and always hated that “Brat” term because I thought it meant being a bratty kid until today in reading your blog with the acronym!). I finally learned to be “from” the Navy, born in California but lived across this nation. Where I live now is not home. Home for me is where my Mom (after Daddy died) settled and made that home for her. So we shared sweet family memories there and it was also where two of us were born and then returned there for holidays and such. This was an excellent post and the books you recommended are great. Thanks.
I can relate to this so much! We’ll be moving AGAIN this summer. We also just spent our spring break vacation getting asked where we’re from. “Hawaii!” “Georgia!” “Florida!” I’ll be taking a look at some of these books!
I moved a few times growing up but always within the same town. I moved 15 minutes away to a neighboring town as a grown up and have never been away from “home” for more than a week here or there for vacation so I can’t imagine how hard it must be to pack and move so often but it sure does sound like your kids have gained a lot of wonderful skills and knowledge from your experiences. Thank you all so much for your service to our country.
It is so wonderful the example that you and your husband are for your children. I am sure that if your attitude were different theirs would be as well. I know that this kind of life must be hard for all of you at times and such a blessing at others. Know that there are so many of us who are so very thankful for ALL the sacrifices that you and your family makes for us. You truly are raising servant leaders!
Thanks for linking up @LiveLifeWell!
Blessings,
Amy
My Dad was in the RAF until I was born, but he decided to come out as the toll was too much on the growing family. So I have the utmost respect for military families. Great post and insight into military families, thanks for linking up to #fortheloveofBLOG
Thanks for sharing this great post at Booknificent Thursday on Mommynificent.com!
Tina
Jennifer, I honestly can’t even imagine how challenging it could be for the whole family, but especially for the children. I’m so thankful for your husband’s service to this country! And I’m thankful for you too- because YOU serve this country every bit as much as he does- by supporting, encouraging, and holding down the fort while he’s away. I love the positive traits you are able to see in your children as a result of living this kind of lifestyle, (even though it may be difficult at times).
Bless your family!
I don’t have anyone close to me in the military so I’ve never experienced this first hand. I have a few friends who are military wives, and I’m in awe of them and their children. The resilience, the strength, and courage. I know the sadness of departure has to be overwhelming sometimes, but they never give up or give in. Thank you for sharing these wise lessons from your children. And linking up with us at #LiveLifeWell
Thank you for your service as a strong military wife and for your husband’s service to our country. I will pray for you and your children as you face another deployment for your husband.