Welcome back to 31 Days of Servant Leadership.
How do you encourage youth to be leaders?
I’m pretty disgusted by all the hype that it’s normal to have kids with that “tween/teen” angst and stinky attitude. It’s normal?!
It saddens me that Christians buy into this normality as well as everyone else.
I hear and read things like this all the time:
“She’s just going through a phase.”
“That’s just her age.”
“She’ll grow out of it.”
“Those hormones are just acting up.”
Why must it be normal?
It’s unacceptable to have an ungrateful, selfish, pouty, sinful attitude.
I won’t allow it in my home. I won’t allow my daughter to act that way anywhere.
I won’t allow it in a toddler, child, tween, teen, or adult. There is no excuse.
Parents compromise on too much.
If we don’t disciple our kids from babyhood to adulthood, who will?
The world.
And the world says it’s normal for tweens and teens to look like adults and act like adults. It’s normal to look out for #1, and have tantrums if she doesn’t get what she wants.
I say it’s not normal. My expectations for my kids are much higher than the norm. I expect them to behave and be respectful of others regardless of how they feel. It’s part of their training.
When we fail? (Because even I fail and have a stinky attitude sometimes.) We pray, ask forgiveness, and carry on. We try to learn and do better. We learn triggers and try to avoid them. Planning and scheduling helps.
Read my post about our ideal day here.
Keeping communication open is key. Helping our kids and youth communicate their feelings, confusions, experiences. Narration about their day is important. Take time to listen.
The hormone part? There are remedies for that. We use essential oils, exercise, whole foods, supplements, plenty rest, and downtime to relieve stress and make sure we are in optimal health. Check your health if you’re always grumpy.
But as parents, we must have grace for our children. They are learning how to be people. We are guides and coaches to help them learn how to manage their emotions, reactions, relationships.
There are no excuses.
Read this series from The REBELution.
Read this article from Christianity Today.
I am right there with you on this one. I heard somewhere that adolescence is relatively new term. It’s become like a free pass for kids to get away with a lot of things when really, it is a time to prepare for adulthood.
yes, it should be a time to prepare for life instead of no responsibility. in our history studies, we love reading about kids and teens who had adult lives. It gets harder instead of easier. balance balance balance!
My oldest son just turned 13, and he’s still a wonderful human being. No rebellion. But I’m scared to death of the teenage years because of what everybody has been warning me about for years. I can only pray that I will be humble enough to connect to my teenagers even when they’re hormonal, and to have a supernatural wisdom to parent them in the moment.
I hear ya. My eldest turns 13 Monday. She’s been sullen and I won’t have it. She thinks she knows it all (wonder where she gets that?!), but she loses friends over it. Homeschooling makes some things easier but other things harder.
Our last three are 22, 24, and 26 and all love the Lord.
We have two older children from before we were believers and neither of them are walking with the Lord.
We didn’t know then what is in this post. There are no guarantees – each of our little sinners have free will, but we do our best and trust the Lord for the rest. And we pray —a lot!
I’m relatively new as a Christian. The other day, someone mentioned that many Americans have a “Christian culture,” but are not necessarily Christian and do not walk in the ways of Christ. It’s discouraging to for our family to see this hypocrisy and I find it hard to explain to my kids. It is a narrow path and yes, we have free will. We have great power in the weapon of prayer!
My teens have been a pleasure – when they do start with an attitude – the “check” (me) comes pretty quickly. I think you are right parents have been scared to think rebellion is normal – and the “2’s” are terrible, etc., etc. How we react has much to do with the way they act. I’m teaching on this topic soon. Glad you can see through this, Jennifer :) Although I had to laugh at the essential oils! We are a big homeopathic/natural remedies family but that is one area I know nothing about!
Thanks for commenting, Felice. Always cherish your wisdom. Msg me if you want some samples or to know more about essential oils. We got Humility blend recently and it really helps our almost 13-year-old {Monday is THE DAY!}.
As a mom of adult “children” older teens, and a young teen I agree and disagree. We raised our kids much like you describe- there is so much to be said for developing a work ethic and servant heart. But we have also found that as our kids go out into the world, there are few “hedges” that uphold what we have hoped to instill in them. It’s a hard walk because our world is becoming more obviously pagan, meaning true discipleship is more obviously weird, and attacked. The kids that are raised to trust in the Lord and live a life of committment have a hard row ahead of them. I see what you are saying, and I know it’s beyond the scope of a blog post but I also think the mentality of, “if you do this, these results will follow” is way too simplistic.
It saddens me to think that people assume the teachings of the Bible are simplistic. Of course, some methods might not work on everyone because humans have free will. But we have prayer, we have Jesus, we have the Holy Spirit. As parents, it is our job to protect, teach, disciple. Every family has its own convictions and ideas, but the Bible should be our foundation. I have heard too many success stories of parents who have raised children for the Lord and they did not stray. If the world attacks our views, then I praise God for the opportunity to fight back with prayer and scripture and shine our lights for Him.
I disagree.
It IS normal. I think the child who does not have some sort of push for independence is not normal, because part of finding out who you are is figuring out who and what you’re not.
Does that mean we have to put up with sass? No. But expecting any kid (at any age) to be a perfect, model child is putting a lot of pressure on them, and making it easier for them to just give up and walk away because they feel like they can never measure up.
Of course the development of the child is normal and eventually the growth to physical adulthood and, hopefully, spiritual and emotional maturity, and eventually to separation from parents in independence and possibly marriage. What is a myth is this western idea of teens having free reign to be terrors – and society and even Christians write it off as hormones, normal behavior, but it’s compromising with worldly values. Rebellion is not natural and should be nipped in the bud. Of course, we can’t pressure or expect people to be perfect. We can strive for excellence and grace.