This parenting book has been a game changer for my husband and me in communicating with our four children.
I cannot even begin to tell you about all the improvements in our family from communicating the way we learned in You Can’t Make Me: But I Can Be Persuaded by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias.
As a “strong-willed child” myself, everything written in this book made total sense to me. I have recognized the strong will in 3 of my 4 children. I usually can communicate with all of my children in a way that they do what I want. I get frustrated and it all falls apart at times, of course. Reading this book and applying its principles, I can now be so much more intentional about communicating to my SWC’s in better ways.
The author suggests asking questions since commands are confrontational. Bingo! Asking my two strong willed daughters, “Have you finished that writing assignment?” or “Have you taken out the trash?” or “Have you brushed your teeth?” is so much better than, “Get to your room and finish your work!” or “Go take out the trash right now!” or “Go brush your teeth!” Asking them the questions reminds them to complete the task in a non-threatening way and gives them responsibility for their chores or work rather than my nagging them. My five year old daughter gets irritated with herself when I ask her these questions (usually knowing the answer already or I wouldn’t bother asking). She does the face palm and runs to go do whatever it is that she forgot. It’s just easy!
We’re co-regulating.
I’m hoping this works soon with our two and a half year old son. Asking him any reminder questions just ends up with his yelling, “No!” and refusing to budge. It’s kinda funny now, but won’t be in a year or two. or ten.
Cynthia Ulrich Tobias has a website about learning styles. I find that helpful as a home educator and parent. Of course, my kids all learn differently to keep me on my toes!
I highly recommend this book to parents or teachers who work with strong willed children. Don’t kill their spirits. Nurture them. Love them and learn to communicate with them. They are tomorrow’s leaders.
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