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You are here: Home / Homeschool / Teaching Gratitude

Teaching Gratitude

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November 11, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert 31 Comments

Feeling grateful boosts happiness and fosters both physical and psychological health, even among those already struggling with mental health problems. Studies show that practicing gratitude curbs the use of words expressing negative emotions and shifts inner attention away from such negative emotions as resentment and envy, minimizing the possibility of ruminating over them (a hallmark of depression).

Our materialistic culture encourages constant wanting and sees possessions as the source of happiness. This is not the most fertile ground for gratitude, but it is not an insurmountable barrier to developing it. Envy and especially cynicism and narcissism are “thieves of gratitude.”

I periodically take breaks from social media to help me detox from our culture of covetousness.

A study of couples found that individuals who took time to express gratitude for their partner not only felt more positive toward the other person but also felt more comfortable expressing concerns about their relationship.

Teachers or managers who remember to say “thank you” to people may find that they feel motivated to work harder.

We know that gratitude is healthy and people who are grateful are happier. There’s lots of research out there telling us this.

But sometimes, it’s still really hard.

The root of joy is gratefulness…It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.

― Brother David Steindl-Rast, Music of Silence: A Sacred Journey Through the Hours of the Day

We all want our children to be grateful. It’s just good manners, right?

Can gratitude be taught?

I’m a firm believer that children lead the way and teach us adults how to be more grateful.

If you leave kids alone, they surprise us in so many ways with their empathy and gratitude.

Adults seem to have lost our way and look for ulterior motives, second guess someone’s tone, or just generally assume the worst.

There’s so much more to gratitude than having a Bless This Mess sign in your kitchen.

But have you ever thought about gratitude not as a response but as a force in its own right; an initiating and healing energy that is not dependent on external circumstances but is rather an innate power of the human soul?

Cynthia Bourgeault

During the holidays, I try to focus on being content and grateful more than shopping for more things we don’t really need.

We once attended a church that bragged they didn’t express gratitude for several reasons:

  • We should do things in service to God and not to man.
  • If we are thanked for our service, it would make us prideful.
  • If we thank others, it’s not honoring God nor is it expressing humility.

I think they missed the mark a bit. Of course, we should honor God. Hearing gratitude or expressing thanks is just polite and courteous. We are the hands and feet of God. If a person isn’t humble and is instead prideful, seeking recognition, that’s between them and God.

Make sure no one repays a wrong with a wrong, but always pursue the good for each other and everyone else. Rejoice always. Pray continually. Give thanks in every situation because this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:15-18 CEB

Gratitude should be an ongoing lifestyle, not just one day a year, often eclipsed by heavy food and sports.

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude:

Practicing gratitude helps us build a brain primed to see the positive. 

The human brain has a strong negativity bias. It helps us survive but not thrive.

Gratitude counters that bias so we can enjoy life to the fullest. It’s a little more than just always focusing on the positive. It’s an active mindfulness of being grateful.

Cultivating a natural sense of gratitude in kids starts with modeling from their most important grown-ups. 

When we pause and appreciate the good around us (explicitly exploring what we feel, think and sense in our body) we show them that appreciation is important and worth taking the time for.

It’s not just about saying Thank You!

It’s things like “This ice cream is delicious. I’m so glad I have a tongue to taste it with, and you to share it with. I’m going to take a super slow bite and let it melt in my mouth. Want to try that with me?” 

Pray or Meditate. 

We can use prayer to cultivate gratitude.

I’ve encountered a lot of blogs and articles and books centering on a gospel of gratitude, and while I think being grateful and practicing gratitude is a key to a successful life, I don’t think that’s the sole purpose of any religion. It’s just another tool to help us.

Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. You can focus on a word or phrase or focus on what you’re grateful for.

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.

Meister Eckhart

Forced thank you’s can backfire. 

Feeling gratitude and saying thank you aren’t the same thing, and pressure to say specific words can lead to resistance and resentment.

We can support our kids by helping them figure out what they are actually feeling, and finding the words to match.

As they get a bit older, we can start exploring how what we say to others may make them feel, and how expressing gratitude makes us feel. Emotional health is important.

We can help kids develop an attitude of gratitude through regular rituals and activities that build mental habits. 

If the whole family participates it will also lead to increased feelings of connection with each other.

Some examples of gratitude rituals include:

Practicing a one-word gratitude circle at meals or another time that works for your family.

Naming aspects of our own body, mind, and heart that supported us that day at bedtime.

Keeping a gratitude journal (these can be individual, but you can also create a family journal that everyone can contribute to). Journaling is very helpful!

Writing a thank you note once a week.

When fun or fulfilling things happen, make a habit of “taking in the good” by remembering and talking about the sensory and emotional experience of the positive situation.

Creating gratitude art projects for things children enjoy or appreciate.

A gratitude web, for example, may have a bubble of ice cream in the middle, and then around it would be the grown up who worked to buy it, the people at the shop or store who sold it to us, the person who made it, the farmer who milked the cow, the cow itself, etc.

Letting our kids know we are grateful for them (in specific ways that validate who they are) gives them an embodied experience of what it feels like to be appreciated. 

It builds up their sense of self, and strengthens your relationship while supporting their capacity to feel gratitude. When we feel appreciated, it’s much easier to appreciate others and the world around us!

Make sure you apply your child’s love language so they feel appreciated and loved.

There are studies that show being mindful of gratitude for more than 21 days improves contentedness and our happiness quotient.

Think of the various tests you encounter as occasions for joy. After all, you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. Let this endurance complete its work so that you may be fully mature, complete, and lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4 CEB

What are you most grateful for today?

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Comments

  1. Karen Del Tatto says

    November 18, 2019 at 10:44 am

    Thanks for sharing this great insights on what it means to teach gratitude. I love your thoughts on teaching children at a young age what true gratitude looks like.

    Reply
  2. Donna Reidland says

    November 18, 2019 at 11:16 am

    This is so important to teach our children as you have pointed out. I think we do that to a large degree by modeling it.

    Reply
  3. Carol says

    November 18, 2019 at 12:16 pm

    I agree. So many reasons to develop a habit of thanksgiving. During difficult seasons I have kept a journal–later when reading the journal I could see the many times God was present, and I could give thanks.

    Reply
  4. Rebecca Hastings says

    November 19, 2019 at 9:20 am

    Great tips on gratitude. I am finding it starts with me setting the model for it with my family. But I definitely can be more intentional about teaching them gratitude.

    Reply
  5. Theresa says

    November 19, 2019 at 11:05 am

    That was a great point about the importance of learning to feel gratitude rather than just saying the words! ❤

    Reply
  6. Patsy Burnette says

    November 19, 2019 at 12:03 pm

    Thanks, Jennifer! Teaching our kids to be grateful, especially this time of year, is so important. Great points!

    Pinned.

    Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!

    Reply
  7. Amy says

    November 19, 2019 at 4:17 pm

    This is great! I have a blog about intentional living and love other bloggers that integrate parenting and faith! Thanks for posting.

    Reply
  8. Anita Ojeda says

    November 20, 2019 at 10:32 am

    All of these are great ideas, Jennifer! When we teach our children to be grateful, we empower them and help them avoid the pitfalls of depression and entitlement.

    Reply
  9. Bev @ Walking Well With God says

    November 20, 2019 at 2:37 pm

    Jennifer,
    So much great truth here! So true that gratitude is a “lifestyle”…it takes a LONG time to cultivate it into being a habit. But as they say, “Practice makes perfect.” Trying to practice my gratitude skills not just in this Thanksgiving season, but always.
    Blessings,
    Bev xx

    Reply
  10. Melissa says

    November 22, 2019 at 11:38 am

    This is so good – and such a great reminder! I, too, take periodic breaks from social media to detox and remind myself that there is real life to be thankful for beyond the screen. Thank you for sharing <3

    Reply
  11. mireille says

    November 22, 2019 at 12:07 pm

    I know I need to teach more by example!
    http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com

    Reply
  12. Sharon says

    November 24, 2019 at 7:54 am

    Such a needed post for me today. Thankful to read this before the holidays. Beautiful Scripture <3

    Thank you so much for linking with us at Creative Muster! Pinned this! Blessings to you. xoxo Sharon from Adoring Creations

    Reply
  13. Confessions of a New Mummy says

    November 25, 2019 at 7:45 am

    Helpful tips, I think its so important that we learn gratitude. Its all too easy to take our everyday life for granted. #twinklytuesday

    Reply
  14. Suzette K. says

    October 11, 2021 at 11:12 am

    Great post, Jennifer. And thanks for naming my journaling practice–active mindfulness. To remind myself to practice gratitude, I added a gratitude list to my weekly journal. I just added a column to the page. As I journal I’m reminded of things I’m grateful for, both big and small, and simply add them to the list. I grow and review the list throughout the week. It has been helpful in countering those negative thoughts.

    Reply
  15. Mary Rooney Armand says

    October 12, 2021 at 5:10 pm

    Thanks for such a thorough, informative reminder about the importance of gratitude!

    Reply
  16. Lisa Blair says

    October 15, 2021 at 11:07 am

    Yes, we can cultivate gratitude and we can teach our kids to cultivate thankfulness. I appreciate how you stated we can assist kids to ‘tune into their feelings’ and then share what they are thankful for verses a rote ‘thank you’ out of obligation.

    Reply
  17. Tammy Kennington says

    October 16, 2021 at 9:41 pm

    Hi Jennifer,

    You have some great tips here! I love the gratitude web.

    Thanks for linkup up with Grace and Truth.

    Blessings,
    Tammy

    Reply
  18. Kendra says

    October 18, 2021 at 8:55 am

    These are great tips. We model gratitude a lot in our home. #KCACOLS

    Reply
  19. Jessy Hamel says

    October 18, 2021 at 6:31 pm

    I love this. I’m trying to keep a gratitude list daily and its been huge for me! Thanks for sharing! #KCACOLS

    Reply
  20. Becky, Cuddle Fairy says

    October 19, 2021 at 11:03 am

    Teaching gratitude should be right up there with teaching math. It’s a life skill and will be such an advantage to your children. Well done and thanks for sharing how you went about it! #KCACOLS

    Reply
  21. Ann @ Live The Old Way says

    October 19, 2021 at 3:32 pm

    This is SO important these days. Thanks for sharing it with us on the Homestead Blog hop #362!

    Reply
  22. Jacqui says

    October 20, 2021 at 9:08 am

    It’s so important to model gratitude not only for our children but also for those around us. For me it feels good to communicate gratitude, I love the way it makes someone else feel. #kcacols

    Reply
  23. Sam says

    October 23, 2021 at 4:38 pm

    I think being greatful is a valuable skills and can really impact your mood X #kcacols

    Reply
  24. Helen Copson says

    October 24, 2021 at 5:07 pm

    There are some great tips here, and it’s so important to teach and model it. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS

    Reply
  25. Laura - Mummy Lauretta says

    October 28, 2021 at 4:23 pm

    Great post and a really important topic especially when it comes to children. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS.

    Reply
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