Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

Visit Us On FacebookVisit Us On PinterestVisit Us On InstagramVisit Us On Linkedin

The Last Time

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

By 12 Comments

It’s often poignant watching my kids grow up.

I made a lot of mistakes with my first child, as parents often do. I was anxious, worried, struggling with my own demons, learning to grow up myself.

With my two middle girls, I learned to be calmer, set better priorities, love well.

With my son, my youngest, I have learned most of my parenting lessons and practice being mindful.

I’m always learning, and always amazed, thrilled, surprised.

My kids are wonderful people and I feel such joy and pride watching them interact with each other, me, their dad, and others.

We seldom know when it’s the last time as a parent.

  • The last diaper change
  • The last ride in a carseat
  • The last time she lets me wash and comb her hair
  • The last time he says, “Mom, look at me!”
  • The last third grade math book
  • The last dandelion given for no reason
  • The last homeschool lesson
  • The last driving lesson
  • The last family vacation

I want my kids to be independent and successful.

Success looks different for each child.

The whole point is to prepare them for the world and gently push them away bit by bit, little birds flying from the nest.

I feel it’s important not to compare my kids to each other or to others, but to recognize that each of my children is a unique person with gifts, struggles, strengths, and room for improvement.

We focus on healthy relationships and emotions.

I feel poignant and bittersweet as my eldest is now 18. And my middle daughter just turned 13. My third child is turning 12. My son just turned 9.

I want to stop time.

The Last Time

~Author Unknown~

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them
and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.

Resources:

You might also like:

Hold your children close, with open hands.

Share
Pin44
Share
44 Shares
You might also like:

Eighteen

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

By Leave a Comment

18.

My baby is 18 now.

An official adult.

In America, this means you can vote! and buy tobacco products (don’t). You’re still treated like a child, but expected to be mature beyond your experience.

In Europe, you could buy liquor or we could have a cocktail together in a pub.

You still don’t have your driver’s license and that’s ok. I try not to push you to do anything until you’re ready.

I know how stubborn you can be.

You’re my first baby, and I did a lot of things wrong.

I hardly felt grown myself when I had you.

I was anxious about the silly things and screwed up some important things. I was too strict in the beginning. I yelled and hit. I was childish and mean.

Then I began to understand.

You’re the reason I’ve done everything.

I pulled myself out of emotional, financial, and relationship pits for you.

We homeschooled for you.

You were my anchor.

It’s a lot of responsibility for a child’s shoulders to bear.

I have lots of regrets and apologies. I’ve tried to always be honest with you, even when I’m ashamed.

I know growing up can be scary. I know there are so many difficult decisions. Sometimes, I get scared for you. It seems that life throws lots of curveballs within just a few years and it seems like you have to make all the right decisions superfast or you will fail miserably. I feel anxiety but you have to learn and make your own way. If I catch you all the time, you won’t be able to march on. Comparing yourself to others makes it worse. I know it seems like others have it made and it looks so easy for them. I know it’s lonely. Even if you make a wrong decision (like I made so, so many), you will still eventually succeed. Your success might look different than you imagine. You can always make amends, changes, u-turns. Hearts heal. You can change your major. You can get a different job. Relationships come and go.

Life hurts.

You are resilient and strong.

I am so proud of you.

What I pray for you now that you’re spreading your wings:

Voice

I love that you know who you are. I am just figuring that out for myself.

I’m learning to listen better.

I love that you’re assertive and have opinions, even when we disagree.

I love who you are as a big sister. Thank you for caring so much.

I admire your wit.

Be careful on social media.

Be kind.

Maintain integrity in everything.

Use your voice to lift up others and make a difference. I believe you can change the world for better.

Self-Care

Learn what your body needs for health.

Yes, it really does help to go outside and enjoy nature – in every kind of weather.

Drink lots of water. It helps flush out toxins and makes you feel better. Honest.

Eat well and regularly. It regulates your metabolism. You will thank me when you’re 35.

Take time for yourself to heal and recover. But make sure you get back out there.

Safety

I still worry.

I still want to know where you are and who you’re with.

I will always be concerned.

I hope you never have to utilize those skills you learned in that 2-hour self-defense class.

I know I can’t keep you safe like I could when you were little, but I hope you’re always aware of your surroundings.

Finances

We’ve tried really hard to stay debt-free. We’ve had our ups and downs.

I want you to have a better beginning, with no student loan debt. No car loan.

Debt can be crippling to recover from.

Credit cards are not for regular use, but only for emergencies.

Start saving for wants and emergencies as soon as you can.

Money is a tool like any other.

I pray we’ve given you a great beginning.

“Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

“Now go, and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for you being here. Make good art.” ~Neil Gaiman

While we have few milestones or coming of age rituals in the USA, I hope I made your birthdays and life events special.

This is 18 Around the World.

What seems to emerge after the trials of the fifteen/sixteen change is a calmer, more self-assured young person.  They don’t need to talk about everything anymore.  They are trying to handle things themselves in a more self-contained way than ever before.  They are preparing for their own life where they must stand on their own two feet.  Parents often are not sure how much to intervene or offer help at this stage.

The Parenting Passageway

You might also like:

Share
Pin18
Share
18 Shares
You might also like:

12 Bullying Warning Signs

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

By Leave a Comment

When kids head back to school these days they face some big stressors in addition to homework grades and peer pressure.

Concerns about bullying and its relationship to school violence add another layer of stress.

More than 43% of teens report being bullied online; additionally, teens are more than twice as likely to tell their peers about bullying than they are to tell parents or other adults, one study found.

Victims of bullying and other early trauma often carry emotional scars into adulthood, Dr. Nelson, author of the bestselling book The Emotion Code explains in this short video.

12 bullying warning signs parents should watch for:

  1. Emotional upset, anxiety, and depression.
  2. Frequent headaches and stomach aches.
  3. Faking illness.
  4. Unexplainable injuries.
  5. Changes in eating habits.
  6. Poor sleep / frequent nightmares.
  7. A drop in school performance.
  8. Not wanting to go to school.
  9. Sudden loss of friends.
  10. Avoidance of social situations.
  11. Low self-esteem.
  12. Self-destructive behaviors including self-harm, running away, or talking about suicide.

If you were bullied when you were younger, the reason you freeze at genuine compliments is because fake compliments were a prelude to an attack.

Many kids who are victimized by bullying don’t ask for help because they are afraid of being seen as weak or a tattletale, or fear backlash from the bully or rejection by friends. As a result, parents are often the last ones to know.

Take necessary action with the school and/or the bullies’ parents to assure the child’s safety. Help the child to know that he or she is valued and that it is safe to communicate with you as a parent or a counselor.

Dr. Nelson explains why some kids become bullies and others can become targets of bullying. He can share how parents can talk with their children to uncover and heal the emotional trauma of bullying, as well as other steps and when to take them.

A holistic Chiropractic Physician and Medical Intuitive, Dr. Bradley Nelson is one of the world’s foremost experts in the emerging fields of Bioenergetic Medicine and Energy Psychology. He has certified thousands of practitioners worldwide in helping people overcome unresolved anger, depression, anxiety, loneliness, and other negative emotions and their associated physical symptoms. His bestselling book The Emotion Code provides step-by-step instructions for working with the body’s healing power. Download a free copy of the eBook and the audiobook by visiting www.EmotionCodeGift.com.

Share
Pin25
Share
25 Shares
You might also like:

Teen Driving Tips

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

By 5 Comments

My eldest daughter got her learners permit to drive in Ohio when she was 18.

It’s been fun teaching her the basics of driving. I’m not worried about her at all. It’s the lack of control and issues with other drivers that concerns me. This is part of growing up and being independent but it scares me so much.

She knows not to text and drive. She knows not to play the radio too loudly. She’s very cautious. She tells me some of her friends are reckless. She mentions an acquaintance who got a big ticket for texting at a red traffic light.

She knows what to do and what not to do. She moved out last year and pays her for her own insurance now.

My middle daughter turned 15 1/2 and recently took the required classroom portion of drivers education, then completed the state computerized permit test. She completes her driving portion of required drivers ed in January, after completing at least 20 hours with parents.

Every time I get behind the wheel of our minivan, I’m teaching my kids about quick decisions, defensive driving, road conditions, and who is breaking the driving rules. They’re watching me and listening and learning how to be “backseat drivers” before they ever get behind the wheel. I narrate what I do and why and I try to model good driving safety and courtesy.

I had a pretty rough time with my parents teaching me how to drive and I want to make good memories with my children, starting in empty parking lots and low traffic areas, moving to slow neighborhood roads, then city roads, onto busier streets as they get more comfortable. I want to be patient and kind and not anxious with my kids.

I still get nervous making left turns and finding a parking space in a busy lot!

Teen Driving Tips

No distractions.

It’s so dangerous to be texting or talking on phones, or even playing with the radio and air conditioner. Don’t reach down for a fallen item while driving! Even insects inside cars are a hazard. Pull over when and where it is safe to deal with distractions.

Watch speed.

Be careful about speed, especially in road conditions that are not ideal. Rain, fog, ice, snow call make it more dangerous, even at lower speeds. Knowing the average speeds for certain areas is helpful, and staying under those until a posted sign is visible is helpful. Like residential areas are often 25 MPH and city roads are usually around 35 MPH. It’s important to try not being in a hurry, so we’re not tempted to speed or be reckless when we drive to an appointment.

Defensive driving.

This really just comes with experience. The first day on the road alone, my eldest daughter got her side mirror knocked off by a hit and run driver. It’s so hard to try to notice everything in the periphery and anticipate what other drivers might do.

Emergencies.

It’s important to know what to do in case of emergency. Don’t panic! Depending on state law, pull off the road or into median lane so as not to block traffic. Check everyone for injuries. Call response authority. Call parents or guardians or loved ones. Check vehicles for damage. Take pictures of damage. Exchange contact and insurance info. Call insurance to report. Repair or replace damages.

Maintenance.

Cars don’t just go forever. They need regular check-ups just like people and pets do. Changing oil, checking and rotating tires for proper air pressure and tread, replacing windshield wipers, and more are all for safety and good upkeep.

Driver’s Ed Resources

  • Driver’s Ed Requirements by State
  • Student Driver Printable Sign
  • Student Driver Car Magnets
  • Driver Ed in a Box–complete parent/teen driver training program for both classroom and in-vehicle phases offered by Driver Education Supplies & Training. The program provides parents with educational materials and training tools necessary to train their teens to be safe, collision-free drivers.
  • Driver-ZED–Full-screen, full-motion, real-life interactive video puts you in the driver’s seat! You’ll use your eyes and brain to spot trouble before it happens. Spot all the risks and handle them right, and you’ll score a perfect 100.
  • National Driver Training Institute–Comprehensive, step-by-step curriculum will guide you through all phases of driver education and training with the goal of “creating safe drivers for life.”
  • Zutobi is built like a game so teens can earn points and compete against friends all while learning important information.  The app offers over 450 state-specific questions that are almost identical to the real test. 

*You can get discounts off insurance or tax credits for driving courses and good grades.

Some driving statistics:

According to the University of Colorado-Colorado Springs survey, for every 100 students using NDTI’s parent-taught driver education program:

  • 8 were ticketed for speeding,
  • 8 were involved in accidents,
  • 6 were injured in automobile accidents,
  • 1 was ticketed for driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs, and
  • there were no fatalities.

With teens obtaining driver’s licenses during the summer more than any other season and an average of six teens dying every day from motor vehicle injuries, the personal-finance website WalletHub today released its report on 2018’s Best & Worst States for Teen Drivers.

In order to determine the safest and least costly driving environments for U.S. teenagers, WalletHub compared the 50 states based on 23 key metrics. The data set ranges from number of teen driver fatalities to average cost of car repairs to presence of impaired-driving laws.

 Best States for Teen Drivers Worst States for Teen Drivers
 1New York 41Arizona
 2Washington 42Alabama
 3Maryland 43Mississippi
 4Illinois 44Idaho
 5Delaware 45North Dakota
 6Louisiana 46Nebraska
 7Oregon 47Missouri
 8California 48Montana
 9Hawaii 49South Dakota
 10Texas 50Wyoming

Best vs. Worst

  • Vermont has the fewest teen driver fatalities per 100,000 teens, 1.83, which is 10.5 times fewer than in Wyoming, the state with the most at 19.30.
  • Nebraska has the lowest share of major roads in poor condition, 5.00 percent, which is 8.8 times lower than in Connecticut, the state with the highest at 44.00 percent.
  • Hawaii has the lowest premium increase after adding a teen driver to a parent’s auto-insurance policy, 8.10 percent, which is 18.9 times lower than in Rhode Island, the state with the highest at 152.70 percent.
  • Alaska has the fewest vehicle miles traveled per capita, 6,826, which is 2.4 times fewer than in Wyoming, the state with the most at 16,457.

Please view the full report and your state’s rank here.

It’s important to have conversations with our older kids, teens, and young adults about driving safety.

I feel confident in my teens to drive safely when they pull out of our driveway alone for the first time. They take a piece of my heart and so many prayers with them!

How did you learn to drive as a teen? How do you teach your teens to drive?

Share
Pin15
Share
15 Shares
You might also like:

How Teens Can Spend Summer

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

By Leave a Comment

School’s out and summer’s here.

Most teens are in limbo between childhood and adulthood…they might want to just hole up in their rooms and spend all their time on social media.

There are plenty of opportunities for teens to continue learning, get job training, and have fun during summer.

Here’s a list of the top ten ways that teens can spend time this summer:

Explore the Great Outdoors

With flourishing trees and fully blossomed flowers, it’s arguable that nature reaches its peak in the summer.  Getting outside and exploring its beauty is best done by taking the time to walk through and embrace it. You can even make a multi-day adventure out of hiking by pitching a tent with a few friends or family. Camping is an excellent way to take advantage of the cool summer nights and maximize your time enjoying the country’s wildlife. From dazzling beaches to soaring mountains, dense forests to vast plains, the U.S. is full of beauty calling for you to explore. The National Park Service has some handy resources for locating parks and trails near you.

Escape the Heat and Take a Dip

In most areas of the country, the weather is only suitable for swimming for a short period of time. Take advantage of the warmth and sunshine by going for a dip in the oceans, rivers, lakes, swimming pools, water parks or whatever you have access to in your area. There is nothing more refreshing than wading in the water on a hot summer day. With so many public access points at most bodies of water, there is no reason not to visit the thousands of water-spots in the country.

Become an Expert on History and Culture

Museums act as a window into places separated by time and location. They provide the tools to educate people on the history of our predecessors and the world’s intercultural development through the ages. From instructive science exhibits to experiential art displays, museums have a lot to offer for those with an open mind and a will to learn. Make a day trip to a local museum or plan a vacation around seeing multiple exhibits across the country. If you’re on a tight budget, do not fret. There are loads of free museums just a google search away. Check out National Geographic’s list of 20 free U.S. museums that are worth checking out.

Witness the World’s Wildlife

America is home to some of the best zoos and aquariums in the world. When looking into visiting a zoo or aquarium, you must consider the quality of the establishment. It is no secret that sometimes these institutions do not uphold the best treatment for animals. Despite the negligent ones, there are several zoos that do a great job caring for their animals. Read more about how to identify a good zoo.

Once you weed out the bad zoos and aquariums in your own research, there is an immense amount that society can take away from the high quality ones. They help conserve the extensive list of species at risk of becoming extinct, provide an outlet for scientists and animal-life experts to conduct research, and educate the public about our planet’s wildlife. Something to note is that if you research different zoos and aquariums in advance, you will most likely find some limited edition exhibits that pique your interest, so start planning today.

Earn Some Cash and Build Your Resume

With all of the spare time in the summer, getting a part-time job can never hurt. Whether you are saving up for college or earning some money to help fund your summer excursions, it is no doubt that the three-month break from school is a wonderful opportunity to earn some extra cash.  Aside from the financial aspect of getting a job, it is never too early to start gaining work experience. There is something to learn from any job you have, no matter how simple it may seem. Some examples of part-time jobs good for high school students include lifeguarding, working as a cashier, host/hostessing at a restaurant, or being a camp counselor.

If you already have a pretty firm grasp on what you want to study in your post-secondary studies, the summer is perfect for seeking opportunities such as internships or specialty camps that provide insight into your desired field of study. When looking for a job later down the line, it may be beneficial to prove to the potential employer that you had an early interest in the field and have several years of experience. Even if you are unsure of your interest, these programs can give you an idea of whether or not it is a profession that you would like to further consider.

Declutter and Dispose with a Garage Sale

Summer break is a time for not only cleansing your mind but for purging unused or unwanted possessions. Whether you’re going off to college in the fall or simply need a fresh start, garage and yard sales are a great way for you to declutter your living space and get rid of those belongings that you haven’t touched in years.

If you’re having trouble getting this project rolling, let the thought of earning a few extra dollars motivate you. All you have to do to start is throw open your attic door, have two boxes labeled “Keep” and “Sell,” and get to sorting. Pick a day that works for you and list your yard sale in the appropriate classified sections of both Craigslist and your local newspaper. People won’t know you’re selling all this great stuff if you don’t advertise the event. Whatever you don’t sell, you can donate to local charities or even friends and family.

Explore Yourself through Self Expression

Ever have a hairstyle or cool outfit you wanted to sport? With three months away from your peers and teachers, it’s your time to explore yourself without fear of judgement. Summer is the perfect opportunity for you to test out new ways of expressing yourself and find out just what it is you have to offer the world. This doesn’t stop at your appearance. With your spare time, you can sign up for a dance class, learn an instrument, stylize your room, join a sports team and so much more. Live your best life this summer and have fun finding yourself.

Visit Places Only Your Imagination Can Take You

During the year, it can be difficult to read for leisure when you’re constantly bombarded with reading assignments at school. This summer, take the time to read something for yourself without any deadlines or papers in the mix. You might be surprised where your imagination takes you and what you can learn from a good book. If you don’t know how to find the right book for you, join a local reading club or check TIME’s list of 100 best books for young adults.

Have Fun on the Fairgrounds

Carnival rides and fair food are the pinnacle of American culture. Each summer, people travel from surrounding towns to go to the nearest fairgrounds and come together for a celebration of life. If you’re on social media, you most likely have seen ferris wheels and funnel cake flood your Instagram feed when the season rolls around. The truth is, it’s usually as fun as the pictures suggest. Many of these fairs offer petting zoos, games, rides and other festivities perfect for a day of fun with your family, friends, or romantic interest. Look up county and state fairs that are happening near you and start planning your visit today.

Put Others Before Yourself

Don’t feel bad if you’re spending your summer focusing on yourself, but if you have the time, you can do some work for others. Completing community service leaves you with a feeling of fulfillment and a sense of achievement. You can always log your hours and add the experience to your resume. If you’re a college-bound teen, volunteering your time is a great way to stand out to college admissions counselors and show them your quality of character. Read more about why volunteering is a key component in the college admissions process.

The opportunities are endless when it comes to deciding how to spend your summer. No matter how you choose to spend it, the important part is that you have fun and stay safe. Be proactive and make the most of your time this summer.

Share
Pin19
Share
19 Shares
You might also like:

Learning to Let Go

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

By Leave a Comment

With a new year comes evaluation, changes, praise, regret, resolution.

Perhaps these are amplified for the homeschool mom. I sure feel the weight of responsibility on my shoulders constantly.

And even more so for the homeschool mom of a teenager.

Teens have a way of putting you in your place, don’t they?

We’ve spent the last few years tapering back, evaluating priorities, setting goals, discussing plans for success.

It’s time to simplify.

Several years ago, my daughter was fired from her piano lessons. Her teacher just called me and gave me no notice that lessons would not continue. Nice. Apparently, theory workbook hadn’t been completed in a month and practicing had been scarce to none. She needed to cut her client list and my daughter was at the top of that list. Ouch.

Way to feel inferior as a mom.

I should’ve been checking and encouraging, nagging about practicing and the homework, right?

But it’s not my piano lesson.

It’s her responsibility.

While reviewing curriculum for the blog is a blessing for our family, it also causes upheaval for a time to see if this or that is a good fit or is fun or works better than that other one. Often, changing mid stride is necessary if something doesn’t work. Sometimes it’s hard to make the call. Is it too difficult? Is the child just being stubborn? Does it not fit our learning or teaching style? I’ve struggled over the years with making changes and wasting time and money on curriculum that doesn’t work for us. But it’s also great to have the freedom to choose what works best for us. We seldom do reviews now and we’ve settled into a good routine.

Homeschooling and having my four children home with me all the time gives me a better glimpse into their needs, desires, personalities, preferences. I have a better idea of how to guide them since I’m with them all the time and see the dynamics of their interactions.

It’s my job to be proactive and recognize when their needs change and how I should adapt. It’s a constant dance of doubt and wonder. I read and research and pray that I’m not messing all this up too much.

As children grow up, relationships and responsibilities change.

I’m still set on mothering toddlers, young children, tweens…and suddenly, I’m stuck with this woman-girl and I’m at a loss as to what to do with her.

Me, who had no qualms as a high school English teacher, standing toe to toe with burly high school football players and telling them what for.

This girl with her flashing eyes undoes me.

I expect more from a 17-year-old than an 11-year-old than a 3-year-old. Yes, it sucks to not be able to play all the time.

Being a responsible citizen is sometimes tiresome and I would rather lie around and read novels than do dishes, laundry, or pay bills. It’s my job to be positive and proactive and teach my teen daughter these things are better done quickly and cheerfully. Work before play.

I must lead by example.

My attitude matters.

There are difficult years parenting teens when I doubted everything.

I’ve learned that my eldest daughter gets rather run down without one on one time with me. She needs to be away from her younger siblings to recharge once in a while. I need to be intentional about making this happen more. She’s very social but gets easily overwhelmed.

My middle girl needs lots of exercise and outside time to blow off steam and she gets very tired in the evenings, so we try to get book work finished early.

My youngest girl is a free spirit and it’s heartwarming to watch her explore and create.

My son is so compassionate and thoughtful of others and I pray that is never compromised by this cruel world.

It will be proactive to help our household be more stable too in any way I can. Despite moving every few years. Despite deployments. Despite illnesses. Despite the deaths of pets.

I’ve watched the kids blossom and grow and become so independent, but they still ask what I think, what should she do.

My eldest just began college and got a part-time job!

It’s a delicate balance, this granting little freedoms with open hands – while they still think that freedom is something I can grant them.

While wanting to clench the fingers into tight fists.

All the while, praying.

My eldest has an iron will. I know it will serve her well in the future, but it hurts so much sometimes.

Resources:

  • Jesus, the Gentle Parent: Gentle Christian Parenting by L.R. Knost 
  • Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté  
  • Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Lisa Damour, Ph.D. 
  • Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters! by Rachel Macy Stafford  
  • Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn 
  • Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life by Peter Gray 
  • The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids by Jessica Joelle Alexander  
Share
Pin17
Share
17 Shares
You might also like:

5 Best Life Skills Books for Teens

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

By 22 Comments

We try to prepare our kids for the world. We get through all the academics. We take them to sports, dance, music lessons, chess club. We do the field trips. Sometimes, it seems like certain skills slip through the cracks.

Life skills are important. I don’t want my kids let loose in the world without some proper basics.

Sometimes, books are the best teacher. Sure, you can learn really everything on YouTube and other Internet sites, but having some reference material is always a good idea.

These make great graduation gifts too!

My top five life skills books for teens:

  1. A Good Cookbook

    My suggestion: Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book

    Since 1930, home cooks have turned to Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book for guidance in the kitchen. This new edition includes more than 1,200 recipes, 1,000 color photos, and more tips and how-to information than ever. Teens and young adults need to know more than how to make a box of mac and cheese! I still have my grandmother’s copy!

  2. An Etiquette Book

    My suggestion: How Rude!: The Teen Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior, and Not Grossing People Out by Alex J. Packer

    In 480 pages, this edition describes the basics of polite behavior in all kinds of situations at home, in school, online, and in the world. I grew up with Emily Post and Miss Manners. This approach might be more interesting!

  3. A Leadership Book

    My suggestion: What I Wish I Knew at 18: Life Lessons for the Road Ahead by Dennis Trittin

    The book is organized into nine powerful chapters and 109 life success pointers that build leadership skills and prepare readers for key upcoming life decisions. Through stories and instruction, it helps young people develop a healthy life perspective, model strong character, build and sustain new relationships, overcome adversity, and become productive and wise decision makers. Also, it shares powerful strategies to succeed in college, career, family, and finances. This is just a great leadership book with words of wisdom.

  4. A Health Book

    My suggestions for GIRLS:

    Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen’s Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body by Toni Weschler

    Answers that will help you understand what is really happening with your body on a day-to-day basis. It’s the first book specifically designed to teach young women about the practical benefits of charting their cycles. Explore the fascinating world of ovulation, fertility, and why you even have periods at all! And learn all about the body signals, mood changes, and other signs that accompany your cycle. This book was recommended to us by a doula friend of mine and it is wonderful!

    Girling Up: How to Be Strong, Smart and Spectacular by Mayim Bialik

    Growing up as a girl in today’s world is no easy task. Juggling family, friends, romantic relationships, social interests and school…sometimes it feels like you might need to be a superhero to get through it all! But really, all you need is little information.

    Want to know why your stomach does a flip-flop when you run into your crush in the hallway? Or how the food you put in your body now will affect you in the future? What about the best ways to stop freaking out about your next math test?

    Using scientific facts, personal anecdotes, and wisdom gained from the world around us, Mayim Bialik, the star of The Big Bang Theory, shares what she has learned from her life and her many years studying neuroscience to tell you how you grow from a girl to a woman biologically, psychologically and sociologically.

    And as an added bonus, Girling Up is chock-full of charts, graphs and illustrations — all designed in a soft gray to set them apart from the main text and make them easy to find and read.

    Want to be strong? Want to be smart? Want to be spectacular? You can! Start by reading this book.

    My suggestion for BOYS (reader recommendation!): Lintball Leo’s Not-So-Stupid Questions About Your Body by Walt Larimore, MD 

    “Everything a boy should know, but won’t ask!” Finally, everything you wanted to know about your body, but you’ve just been too chicken to ask. This is the first book for boys that gives honest answers to real questions about your body from a biblical perspective. No, you’re not falling apart—you’re just growing up! But there’s no need to fear, when Lintball Leo is near. He’s your personal guide to understanding your body. With information about everything from steroid use to body parts, there’s not a question Lintball Leo hasn’t heard. These aren’t questions some adult made up, but they’re real questions asked by real boys just like you. You want to know the truth? Now you can, because Lintball Leo’s Not–So-Stupid Questions About Your Body gives you the facts—no holds barred! I plan to get this for my son real soon.

    Another reader recommendation for boys:

    Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys by Cara Natterson

    This book will provide you with the answers that will help you take care of yourself better, from hair care to healthy eating, bad breath to shaving, acne to voice changes, and everything in between. With tips, how-tos, and facts from a real pediatrician, it’s the perfect book to help you learn about your body’s changes.

    Boying Up: How to Be Brave, Bold and Brilliant by Mayim Bialik

    Why does my voice crack like that? What should I eat to build muscle? How do I talk to someone I have a crush on? What do I do if someone calls me names or bullies me?

    Growing from a boy to a man is no easy task. Bodies are changing, social circles are evolving, hair is appearing in places it never was before — and on top of it all, there’s the ever-present pressure to conform to the typical idea of what it means to be “manly” and masculine. But it’s easier to do if you’re armed with facts.

    Using personal anecdotes as an overly observant mother of two boys and plenty of scientific information from her life as a neuroscientist, Mayim Bialik, PhD, star of The Big Bang Theory, talks directly to teen boys about what it means to grow from a boy to a man biologically, psychologically, and sociologically. Using the same cool, fun, and friendly tone that she took in Girling Up, Mayim takes boys–and their parents!–through the challenges and triumphs of Boying Up today.

    In six sections (How Boys Bodies Work; How Boys Grow; How Boys Learn; How Boys Cope; How Boys Love; and How Boys Make a Difference), she takes a look at what it means for boys to come of age in today’s world, how can they take control of their paths, and what can they do to help shape the types of futures they want for themselves.

  5. An Organization Book

    My suggestion: Smart but Scattered Teens: The “Executive Skills” Program for Helping Teens Reach Their Potential by Richard Guare, Peg Dawson, Colin Guare

    This positive guide provides a science-based program for promoting teens’ independence by building their executive skills–the fundamental brain-based abilities needed to get organized, stay focused, and control impulses and emotions. It’s great to work through together! This book is helpful to set up organization methods for teens to be independent.

Bonus Book:

Girls Garage: How to Use Any Tool, Tackle Any Project, and Build the World You Want to See by Emily Pilloton

Do you have any other favorite books for teens or life skills?

Share
Pin48
Share
48 Shares
You might also like:

Graduating from Homeschool

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

By 21 Comments

I feel poignant as my eldest child graduates from our homeschool.

I won’t say I’ve done my best. We all have regrets and would love to make changes.

You’re my firstborn and I made many, many mistakes. I am trying to make amends for those mistakes. I think I’m doing better now.

I was amazed by the precocious little girl you were.

I am amazed by the woman you are becoming.

I still remember you as you were the day you were born, with your angry lower lip.

I remember when you bravely went to day care.

I remember when you were bored at preschool.

I remember that first year of homeschooling.

I remember with trepidation as you went for one whole month to third grade at the DoD school on base.

I remember the awkward middle school years.

I remember when I wasn’t there for you.

I remember when I was harsh and hard.

I remember the tears, scrapes, eye rolls, slammed doors, cuddles, and snuggles.

I remember the arguments over my trying to control you.

I remember the struggles over math and bullies.

I remember when you wanted to be an artist, a dentist, a veterinarian, and more.

I can hardly wait to see what you decide.

I’ve seen you shine as a leader at Civil Air Patrol.

I’ve tried to nurture your dreams and offer you experiences to shape your ideas.

I’ve watched you shine on stage and become another person from another time and place.

I’ve watched in awe as you go off to volunteer at the hospital – in the laboratories, maternity ward, pediatrics.

I’ve listened to you sing and play piano.

We’ve looked at amazing art and history in Europe‘s museums.

You’re a great big sister.

We drank Champagne in Paris while viewing the twinkling Eiffel Tower.

You’re so much more than a test score.

The PSAT and SAT are just numbers that mean so very little.

Grades mean nothing.

You’ve learned so much – about the world, history, current events, yourself.

That can’t be measured on a Scan-Tron.

Never stop learning.

We hiked up Diamond Head in Hawaii. I think I’m still sore, years later!

We’ve had a lot of fun in so many beautiful places.

I’d give you the world if I could. And the sun and moon and stars.

We’ve flown over oceans and lived in so many different places.

We’ve endured the stress of moving five times and survived.

I’m proud of you, my daughter, as an strong individual – with original thoughts, dreams, and views.

I’m excited for this new stage in your life and in our relationship.

It’s been awkward for you as a teenager living in Europe.

The rules and laws are different here than in the USA.

On one hand, you have more freedoms, but on the other hand, you have fewer freedoms. At age sixteen, teens in Europe can drink beer and wine, but cannot get a license to drive until age eighteen. As an American, you still cannot get a paying job on or off base until over age eighteen.

So, we have some catching up to do as we move back to the States.

This next year will be busy – finishing up some history and literature studies, applying for college and scholarships, getting a part-time job, learning how to drive and getting a driver’s license.

So many changes and responsibilities, so quickly.

We all have fears for the future.

The unknown…

It’s scary to have so many options and have to make hard decisions.

Homeschooling prepares teens to make decisions and think critically.

I pray that I have prepared you adequately.

Many military families don’t have the luxury of oodles of family members or friends to commemorate the occasion.

Sending out announcements seems like just begging for money and gifts.

Many homeschool students are already earning college credits. Lots have jobs already.

Some graduates don’t want a lot of fuss for various reasons.

Like we’ve done for the past however many years, we can customize a graduation for our needs and desires.

How to celebrate this milestone:

  • graduation ceremony with homeschool group, co-op, church, or family
  • nice dinner out
  • fun trip – for the day, weekend, or whatever is within your means
  • luggage set
  • passport
  • money for a gap year
  • party with friends
  • evening in or out with immediate family
  • photo shoot – with or without a graduation cap and gown
  • flowers, gifts, photo collage or scrapbook
  • framed diploma

High School Homeschool Resources:

Share
Pin31
Share
31 Shares
You might also like:

Sixteen

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

By Leave a Comment

A letter to my firstborn.

It’s been sixteen years.

Ups and downs. Thrills and disappointments for both of us. Moments of intense pride and utter sorrow. A roller coaster of emotions and experiences.

You were my easiest and quickest birth. You were born on your due date!

And while I wouldn’t trade in any of it for anything,

I wish I could go back and do some things differently:

I wish I had eaten better when I was pregnant with you. I survived on Carnation Instant Breakfast drinks, grilled cheese sandwiches, fish sticks, and frozen French fries.

I should have made the effort to breastfeed you longer. I had 12 weeks off from work, but I weaned you onto formula sooner than I had to, and you liked it better, so I convinced myself it was the right thing. Since it was easy.

I  listened too much to all the noise. From family members, friends, co-workers, magazines, TV shows, then later, from the Internet with its articles and blogs. I wish I had just silenced it all to do what I felt in my heart was best for you, for us.

Sometimes, I’m sad that you don’t know your birth father or his family. I regret some of the choices he and I made and that you’ve suffered from those.

I was selfish when you were a toddler. I missed out on a lot of you since you attended day care all weeklong, visited your father every other weekend and every other holiday, while I was so busy pursuing a career that fizzled and relationships that were toxic.

I wish I had listened more when you were very young. So many drastic changes occurred during that pivotal time of 5-8 years old. A new stepdad, two new sisters, new home far away from family and friends, and beginning homeschooling. It was stressful and I didn’t support you enough.

I regret listening to doctors when you were 8. We tried ADHD meds and even public school for a month. Diet and lifestyle changes helped more.

I also regret the legalistic churches we attended at that time. Their teachings for parenting were wrong.

I should have focused more on relationship rather than stuff. We’re prioritizing better now.

I’m glad that:

We homeschooled you (except for preschool and that one horrendous month of third grade). We’ve had a lot of fun with some really cool experiences.

We’ve had the opportunity to live in Hawaii and Germany and travel all over Europe.

You love to read.

I’ve gotten to watch you perform – at piano, singing and dancing and acting on stage.

We have great conversations about life, education, theology, pop culture, and everything in between.

sweet-sixteen

Sixteen is a fabulous age to be, but also one of the hardest.

The culmination of childhood.

Many expect you to be an adult, but society doesn’t quite accept you as an adult yet. You’re so close sometimes, yet other times so far away.

Your academic education is mostly completed, but requirements for university loom large and cause so much stress.

You’re learning to balance the expectations of society with who you really are.

Don’t ever lose yourself.

I love who you’re becoming.

Usually there is  reduction in mood swings, irritability, and greater ability to manage anger. They often no longer feel as connected to their classmates, teachers, parents and feel a bit vulnerable or lonely. Often expanding out into the world but may feel a bit unsure.

The Parenting Passageway

You might also like:

Share
Pin3
Share
3 Shares
You might also like:

Best Book Series for Middle Schoolers

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

By 10 Comments

We read good literature in our family.

Sure, my kids like to read fluff once in a while, but they always come back to the good stuff and even complain about their choices of pop fiction with its poor writing, incorrect references to mythology, and predictable plots.

Of course, we all love Narnia, Tolkein, Anne of Green Gables, and The Little House series.

I discourage my kids from reading much of the popular fiction with its themes of dating drama, sexual situations, and occult references.

We go to the library weekly and we see the marketing displays of popular fiction for teens. The book covers make me want to guard their eyes. It’s almost as bad as Harlequin romance novels with those ripped bodices! Many of the plots involve vampires and witches. Almost none of it is worthwhile reading material.

My criteria for good books:

  1. Is it stimulating to the mind and imagination? I want books that are engaging and require my kids to make connections or dream of possibilities.
  2. Does it cultivate our values? I often encourage reading books that differ from our worldview. It’s thought-provoking and a great conversation starter!
  3. Is it well-written? We don’t waste time on poorly written material.
  4. Is it interesting or challenging? I want books that encourage my kids to think long after they close the book. How can we be kinder, help others, be servant leaders?
  5. Does it encourage discussion? I love discussing books with my kids and hearing what they think about what they read!

We read world mythology and folk tales as part of our homeschool curriculum. And my kids love/hate the Percy Jackson series because it’s so “inaccurate,” lol!

I see the value in dystopian lit and we often read these books together and discuss them. I do love sci-fi and fantasy and encourage my kids to love it too.

After completing my homeschool reading assignments, my older teens are welcome to read the popular YA fiction to see for themselves. And so far, they agree with me.

This list goes a bit beyond the great classics that everyone should read.

5 of the Best Book Series for Middle Schoolers

5 Great Book Series for Middle Schoolers

My 8-year-old daughter is a very advanced and mature reader and has read all of these and approves them.

I have listed the recommended ages and grade levels, but always preview reading material for appropriateness for your child and family.

1. My Side of the Mountain and more by Jean Craighead George

Fun adventure books about nature and animals.

These living books teach about survival skills, respecting the environment, identifying plants and animals. They’re great for any nature lover!

Age Range: 10 and up

  • Grade Level: 5 and up

2. Swallows and Amazons series by Arthur Ransome

12 books about adventurous kids set between the two World Wars.

We love reading about these siblings and all their pretend play in a simpler time.

3. The Giver series by Lois Lowry

A great dystopian series about valuing all lives.

We love the lessons these books teach about society and relationships.

  • Age Range: 12 and up
  • Grade Level: 7 and up

4. Brian’s Saga series by Gary Paulsen

Survival and self-discovery.

Great books for boys and girls about survival skills, relationships, and learning about self.

  • Ages 11-13

5. Wonder series by R.J. Palacio

Lovely books about looking beyond physical appearances and being kind.

We’re currently reading these and loving them! I encourage kindness in our lives.

  • Age Range: 8 – 12 years
  • Grade Level: 3 – 7

I’m always on the lookout for great literature to add to our collection. We don’t shy away from tough topics. Literature is important for us to learn about the world we live in. I’m raising readers!

Do you have any great books or series to add to my list?

Literature Study (or Book Report) Notebooking Pages
Share
Pin3
Share
3 Shares
You might also like: