Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Setting up Teens for Financial Success

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

September 29, 2025 By Jennifer Lambert 4 Comments

Our family has certainly has its ups and downs with finances over the decades.

We’ve pulled ourselves out of debt a few times only to find ourselves soon drowning again over vet bills or car trouble or another emergency.

My military husband had a few scary times when there were furloughs or job cuts. When he retired, there have been struggles with keeping civilian employment.

I can’t imagine the stress my kids’ peers and cousins have with struggling financially while navigating higher education, finding a career, learning adult relationships, figuring out transportation and healthcare.

I refuse to force my children to navigate their lives on a rollercoaster of debt and vibes. I have the privilege of providing them a legacy and I will launch them into successful futures.

We’ve had a few windfalls that helped us completely change our lifestyle and goals.

My husband and his two sisters received three large disbursements and an annual dividend from their aunt and mom, and we sure do appreciate their foresight and generosity.

My husband received 100% VA disability rating and that provides for our kids’ futures and educations.

It was shocking dealing with my husband’s parents’ deaths twenty years ago and realizing how little they had planned for retirement. Then, in December I became the caregiver for my parents and was devastated to realize how they had hoarded money for decades while claiming they had nothing. They didn’t invest or plan wisely; they lived in fear. In July, my father’s death threw us into a whirlwind of paperwork. Luckily, they have no real assets, so nothing goes to probate.

My husband and I set up a trust for our four children so there are no surprises or concerns in case of emergencies. I don’t want anything to have to go through probate court.

Partner with a financial advisor. There is so much that I don’t understand. I don’t have accounting or financial training and that is literally what our annual fee at our banking institution provides – annual meetings for review and advice for future planning for our entire family.

We are helping prepare our kids for an uncertain future with financial education and investments.

10 Ways for Teens to Achieve Financial Success

  1. Get a part time job.
    • I encourage my teens to work outside our home as soon as they think they can handle it. Two of my kids chose to do so about age 15-16 and one waited until age 18. My son will probably get a job when he turns 16, if he can manage with his school and sports schedule.
  2. Open bank accounts.
    • Credit unions will have lower or no fees, better customer service, higher savings interest rates, and lower loan rates.
  3. Learn how to budget.
    • Kids can begin with the 50-30-20 (or even more aggressively tiered towards savings and investing if they’re able)
    • 50% income for expenses
    • 30% towards wants
    • 20% towards savings and investing or debt
  4. Zero debt education planning
    • Invest towards higher education as soon as possible
    • Apply for financial aid if applicable
    • Apply for scholarships – even the little ones can add up
    • Work-study programs
    • Try to avoid high interest student loans whenever possible
  5. Add as authorized user on parent credit card.
    • Be smart with credit and use points or cash back cards
    • Pay off debts each month so never accrue interest debt
  6. Joint auto loans
    • There are hardly starter cars available anymore! A joint auto loan helps build a credit history and gives teens a goal.
  7. Roth IRA
    • We try to invest the max allowed each year according to income
    • Compound growth over decades. Tax-free retirement income.
    • Can withdraw original contributions at any time
    • Withdrawals before age 59 1/2 may incur taxes and penalties
  8. High interest savings accounts
    • Better than a traditional savings account, but often requires a larger balance to maintain
    • Money market accounts have higher interest rates than regular banking accounts
    • CD in increments of 6, 12, 18+ months has protected interest rates for those time frames
  9. Investment funds
    • These are great to invest towards a financially free future and retirement. What’s the difference between stocks, bonds, and index funds?
    • Each of my kids receive $10k to begin investing towards a future home purchase, etc.
  10. Legal paperwork
    • Once a child is 18, parents cannot legally make decisions anymore
    • Life insurance, HIPAA release, Health Care Proxy, Power of Attorney, FERPA Waiver, Will

Bonus tips:

  • Learn SKILLS – EQ, communication, marketing, sales, computers, etc. Formal education is NOT enough.
  • Surround yourself with like-minded people who share similar values and goals.
  • Don’t drink alcohol, especially in clubs or bars. It’s expensive and disrupts your health.
  • Don’t do drugs. Be careful even with prescription drugs. We don’t even understand the long-term effects of some heavily prescribed medicines.
  • Maintain your physical health. Walk. Go to the gym. Eat well. Get enough sleep.
  • Care for your mental health. Manage stress. Go to therapy. Work through your triggers or trauma.

If you’re not around to enjoy the fruits of your labor, what’s the point?

We have experienced immense financial changes in the past year. We had four car payments, a mortgage, and credit card debt. We had little savings, but several investments from the beginning, even if regularly depositing into them had been put on hold. My husband lost two jobs after retiring from the Air Force. My eldest daughter had a lemon car with a lien we had to pay off and has struggled with jobs for a couple years.

I understand that too many families struggle living paycheck to paycheck and experience mountainous debt with medical bills or other financial burdens. Our society strives to keep us as slaves to debt. There is no real way to save when we are in survival mode.

We invest our money now so we can have the freedom to walk away from situations we don’t like in the future. ~Call to Leap

Resources:

  1. The Simple Path to Wealth by J L Collins
  2. The Algebra of Wealth by Scott Galloway
  3. Secrets of a Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker
  4. Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill 
  5. The Little Book of Common Sense Investing by John C. Bogle
  6. The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J. Stanley, Ph.D. and William D. Danko, Ph.D 
  7. The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel
  8. The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist
  9. Bogleheads
  10. Investopedia
  11. NerdWallet
  12. Morningstar
  13. Marketwatch

You might also like:

  • Affording Higher Education
  • Teaching Kids About Money
  • How to Budget
  • How We Save Money
  • How to Save Money while Shopping
  • Poor or Broke
  • 6 Steps Toward Financial Security
  • 50 Shades of Green
  • 5 Money Tips
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Filed Under: Frugal Tagged With: college, finance, money, teen

High School Graduation

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Please see my suggested resources.

September 15, 2025 By Jennifer Lambert 5 Comments

My third child is launched out into the world.

As a CCP student for several years already, they applied officially to our local university with enough credits to be almost a junior.

They attended a CCAD College Preview which confirmed they did not actually desire to complete art school. They take commissions and work on lots of arts and crafts projects.

They’ve taken figure skating lessons for years and leveled up frequently. They’re taking a break this first semester of university so they’re not overwhelmed with their schedule.

They’re practicing driving but now have to go through the driver education course this winter due to new laws.

I love how they change their hair and makeup so frequently and have such a fun thrifted unique fashion style.

The last six months were very stressful and I feel I missed out on so much.

We love going to museums and arts festivals. We had some fun day and weekend trips and a great Offspring concert. We had a family beach trip this summer.

I love that I got to provide a nontraditional education to my nontraditional kid.

They won a COLA Dean’s scholarship and is active on the Dean’s advisory board. They should graduate debt-free and probably with extra funds for grad school.

They’re studying classics and art and writing at university and have impressive goals for their future. They’re secretary of the Classics Club and also like attending events with the metaphysical club. They applied for a reception job at their college. They tutor their classmates and are an unofficial TA in Latin.

They’re still living at home and commuting to classes with their sister (and little brother in CCP!) which makes things cheaper and more comfortable and easier on them in many ways – better meals at home and sleeping in their own bed and having their safe space.

They have lots of goals and plans to travel and learn abroad.

High school graduation time is a lovely transition into adulthood.

You might also like:

  • 5 Best Life Skills Books for Teens
  • Graduating from Homeschool
  • How to Prepare for After High School
  • Succeeding in College
  • Affording Higher Education
  • Preparing Teens for the Workforce
  • Parenting Young Adults
  • Learning to Let Go
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Affording Higher Education

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

October 28, 2024 By Jennifer Lambert 5 Comments

Many of us were fortunate to attend a college, university, trade school or something after high school and not incur massive amounts of student loan debt. My husband and I had very small low-interest student loans to cover costs for our last year and we luckily paid them off quickly.

I’m the first grandchild to attend college in my family. As far as I know, I’m the first girl to attend. Only my mom’s brother attended UGA for theatre. It’s not celebrated enough. My grandma was one of twelve and my mom had five siblings. College was never expected nor assumed. My parents didn’t give me an option.

My husband and his parents and sisters and one brother-in-law all have master’s degrees.

Having a student loan is problematic when the job outlook is poor and there is no job security in one of the 28 right-to-work states. Many loans are deferred while we’re still in school, but what happens if we rely on income to pay it off and that income just goes away?

We vowed to help our children with tuition and expenses and not have them saddled with loads of education debt to start their young adult lives.

We are extremely fortunate that our kids receive veteran aid from my husband’s military disability and he offered them each a portion of his GI Bill, but it is not something we could plan for nor expected.

Some History of Education Loans in the USA

In 1970, Roger Freeman, who also worked for Nixon, revealed the right’s motivation for coming decades of attacks on higher education. Reagan cut higher education funding and student aid, and college costs boomed as a result. Source: The Intercept

In 1972-1980, the Pell Grant was created and funded for low income students.

A revision to the Higher Education Act in 1992, resulted in a significant expansion of the federal unsubsidized student loan program and the creation of the FAFSA.

A Senate investigation during the Bush administration revealed widespread fraud and abuse in the predatory for-profit college industry.

In 2001, President George W. Bush eliminated the time limit for how long borrowers could deduct student loan interest from taxes. The limit on interest deduction was also raised to $2,500, where it still stands today.

In December 2007, the Great Recession hit. Federal and state governments made deep cuts to higher education funding.

The Public Service Loan Forgiveness Program (PSLFP) was signed into law in 2007, by President G.W. Bush and almost never delivered.

From the start of the Great Recession in 2008, to the relative economic stability of 2018, college costs and debt increased significantly, but state and federal funding for higher education, the biggest source of revenue for most schools, has not returned to pre-2008 levels.

Many nations offer free higher education opportunities to their citizens. A few states in the USA are offering some community college options. Why can’t we do more and be better?

We are saddened by the education failings in the USA and how it has changed for the worse over the past couple decades while being much more expensive.

It seems that the recent student loan forgiveness plans are in tatters and many will suffer to pay back student loans at high interest rates while salaries stagnate and rents are exorbitant. How are our kids expected to purchase homes, have children, travel, save for retirement, or any of the other milestones we and our parents or grandparents enjoyed?

Americans owe more than $1.74 trillion in student loan debt — a number that keeps rising as tuition costs continue to increase. More than 30% of student loan borrowers are in default, late, or have stopped making payments six years after graduation.

I’ve witnessed programs canceled and majors being deleted and professors striking for higher wages and tenure. It’s the bonfire of the humanities.

Many financial aid options require students to attend full time, which limits other options like working or volunteering. For my kids, full-time credits are twelve hours each semester.

How to Afford Higher Education

Pre-College Courses

Many states offer early college courses or admission for students as young as seventh grade. I was a freshman scholar as a high school senior in Georgia. When we moved to Ohio, my kids started at age 15/16 taking direct courses at our local university. The College Credit Plus is a great program and many students graduate high school with the equivalent of associate’s degrees.

Two of my kids took summer programs that earned them college credit. Many specialty schools, private, and state universities offer “camps” or summer sessions as pre-college tastes to recruit students.

Federal Aid

First, we have to fill out the FAFSA. It’s so different after last year. There is a parent section and student section and make sure to send the info to the correct higher institutions!

My husband received a small grant when he attended university. I’m pretty sure we will never qualify for our three younger kids, but if my eldest decides to attend, she might receive some funding as being no longer our dependent.

Scholarships

There are huge lists of scholarships on various websites and offerings for so many different interests and merit. I recently saw one I am keeping bookmarked about asparagus for my son!

As a military family, my kids received some assistance from some organizations on our base.

The university my kids attend have a universal scholarship application to be filled out annually. Within that application are departmental forms and many extracurricular options.

Of course, good grades and test scores are often offered merit scholarships.

There are many opportunities for sports and extracurricular activities if kids choose that route.

Investments

We have invested in 529 plans for each of our four children since they were babies.

We have used the funds for tuition, books, and computer purchases.

If the entirety is unused, it can be rolled over without tax penalties to another younger sibling or for graduate school or other education expenses.

Work Study

Many colleges offer student aid in the form of tuition assistance or stipends in exchange for working on campus. I designed a website for my master’s program for a small stipend back in 1998!

Jobs

My kids are planning ahead and have savings accounts from part-time jobs they worked while high school age. They plan to use these for travel, study abroad opportunities, or graduate school expenses.

ROTC and various military enlistments offer lots of benefits during and after serving.

Some employers offer scholarships or tuition assistance with a contract or promise of working for the company for a time.

While it is stressful to work full-time and attend college full-time, it is possible.

Vocational Schools

Not everyone desires to go to an academic university. There are so many opportunities at vocational institutions and community colleges that offer certificates or associate’s degrees. These are much more affordable options for students who want to enter the workforce more quickly than a traditional university degree.

Commuting

We are in a great geographical position that my kids can commute to a local university and we are also somewhat near some others if they need to transfer. I commuted to Clayton State and Georgia State and while that wasn’t my choice at the time, it did save on housing and food expenses. I am irritated by the poor condition of dorms and food choices that I see my kids’ peers suffering. I have told my kids they can live at home as long as they want or need to.

Other Fees

All the extras sure do add up!

The parking fee is outrageous, so we carpool as much as possible to the commuter college.

My kids applied early to waive the application fees.

We buy books used or even rent for courses that my kids aren’t interested in keeping the books.

We pack lunches, drinks, and snacks. I do buy a $50 commuter meal plan each semester for my kids for coffee or emergencies.

My kids are disappointed that so many of their peers are struggling financially – working and going to school and having no time to be young or carefree or socialize. I even often pack food for their friends during study time or exam weeks. My daughter said her friends act like middle-aged boring people who have no time or money for anything other than survival. This economy is taking its toll.

I understand that many families can’t financially support adult kids to attend a university. I am pleased that we are able to keep our promises to our kids so far.

You might also like:

  • Succeeding in College
  • College Credit Plus in Ohio
  • Preparing Teens for the Workforce
  • Parenting Young Adults
  • How to Prepare for After High School
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Ohio Summer Bucket List with Teens

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May 13, 2024 By Jennifer Lambert 24 Comments

My teens are 18, 17, and 14…and we have a list of fun things to do that they’ve asked for or that we planned together, to explore Ohio. My eldest is 23, and can sometimes join us when her work schedule allows and she’s interested.

We’ve been cooped up with quarantines. Last year was college preview camps, job stress, and ongoing personal complications. This summer is our year finally to have some fun.

Akantha will attend ice skating sessions to keep up their skills. They’re looking for a part time job. They’re baking their way through The Bread Baker’s Apprentice.

Tori has aerial arts lessons twice a week. She also works part time at a local grocery store. She wants to go kayaking on one of our local rivers. We’re going to several concerts this spring and summer: They Might Be Giants and Kraftwerk in May, The Chicago And Earth, Wind & Fire: Heart & Soul Tour and The Totally Tubular Festival in July, and The 311 Unity Tour with AWOLNATION and Neon Trees in August.

We do have some baseball college scout days for Alex and a big tournament in PCB, but we’re all home this summer other than that.

I don’t believe all that we only have eighteen summers with our kids.  I am blessed that my eldest lives nearby and we are all still close. Tori plans to live at home as long as she can commute to college.

We have lots of plans for day trips, weekends away, or longer – yes, while it is busier to plan with teens and young adults and all the scheduling conflicts, we still strive to make memories happen.

Activities

My four kids all have passes to Kings Island this year. They can go together or with their friends whenever they’re free and the weather is agreeable.

We have Premier passes to Mason Community Center and they have a fun waterpark too!

We have some arts and crafts that have sat in the office closet for years. We have some household projects that the kids love to help with. And we’re gonna do it this summer!

  • Dutch wooden shoe painting from our trip to Amsterdam
  • Mosaic trays
  • Tie dye
  • Refinish garden bench
  • Painting walls and doors and garage steps?
  • Refinishing stair banister
  • Staining deck

We have some places we’ve been wanting to try to see what all the fuss is about.

  • Topgolf
  • Main Event
  • Pinball Garage
  • Ohio Antique Mall
  • Trader World and Treasures
  • lots of fun local places to eat or get snacks

We have some things we love to do all the time too:

  • Jungle Jim’s
  • Various thrift and antique stores
  • Bowling!

We have some fun places we’d like to visit around Ohio. We’ve been to lots of places already and we might revisit some of them.

There are also some fun museums on the Blue Star Map!

Dayton

Where we’ve been:

  • Tori and I did a fun Dayton Photo Walk for one of her college classes last year.
  • Of course we have seen the Wright Brothers sites and revisit the Huffman Prairie every year.
  • We’ve visited most of the Dayton MetroParks over the years and we have some favorites to revisit.
  • We’ve been to Fort Ancient and SunWatch and Boonshoft.
  • We love Dayton Art Institute and attend their special galleries often.
  • We’ve been to the USAF museum several times and Tori took some flying simulation courses there a few years ago.
  • We’ve been to Ohio Caverns. sorta near Dayton?
  • We loved Johnston Farm and Indian Agency.
  • We hiked the Yellow Spring – finally!

Dayton Plans:

  • Carillon Historical Park
  • Trolls at Aullwood
  • Dollar Book Swap
  • Rabbit Hole Books
  • Hartman Rock Garden
  • DK Effect
  • America’s Packard Museum
  • Siebenthaler Fen

Cincinnati

What we’ve done:

  • We loved visiting the Serpent Mound. sorta near Cincy?
  • We love the Cincy Art Institute, but we don’t go as often as we should.
  • Tori wants grad photos at Krohn Conservatory, so we plan to go see all that again soon.
  • The Cincy Zoo and Botanical Garden has the famous Fiona Hippo and family.
  • The National Underground Railroad Freedom Center is wonderful.
  • The Newport Aquarium is still a favorite! (it’s on the Kentucky side of the river)
  • Covington is a cute little town where Tori took some pictures for her photo course, and we want to go back to look around!

Cincy Plans:

  • American Sign Museum
  • Taft Museum of Art
  • Findlay Market
  • Nature Center
  • Loveland Castle

Columbus

Where we’ve gone:

  • The Columbus Zoo and Aquarium is humongous.
  • Columbus Museum of Art is lovely.
  • Schmidt’s
  • Valters at the Maennerchor
  • Book Loft
  • Schiller Park
  • Thurman’s
  • Easton Center

Columbus Plans:

  • Dawes Arboretum
  • Westerville, especially Birdie Books
  • Dublin, for the statues and street art
  • Tensuke Market
  • Inniswood MetroPark
  • Indian Run Falls
  • Hayden Run Falls
  • North Market
  • Franklin Park Conservatory
  • Park of Roses
  • Topiary Park
  • Stuart Little’s home: 717 1/8 S. 3rd St. Columbus Ohio 43206

Toledo

Where we visited:

  • Toledo Zoo

Toledo Plans:

  • Libbey Glass Factory Outlet
  • Toledo Museum of Art
  • Tony Packo’s

Cleveland Area

We took a trip to Cleveland last summer, but we have so much more to explore near that city – to include Canton and Akron and area natural forests. We probably won’t get to many of these this year. It’s not a day trip from Dayton.

  • Smucker Store
  • Majestic Meadows Alpacas & Boutique
  • Stan Hywet
  • Squire’s Castle
  • Cuyahoga Valley National Park
  • Chagrin Falls Waterfall
  • The Holden Arboretum
  • Rockefeller Park & Greenhouse
  • Umbrella Alley

There are some other places that aren’t near major cities.

We’ve been to Hocking Hills and Burr Oak.

Tori and I did an ODNR Contac trip to the Zaleski area (where I got my first tick so we call it the tick forest).

Where we’d like to see:

  • Kingwood Garden
  • Midwest Glassware Outlet
  • Moonville Tunnel

I’m in several Facebook groups for Ohio road trips and day trips that give us lots of fun ideas and reviews.

What are your favorite places to visit in Ohio?

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Graduation Day

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Please see my suggested resources.

April 22, 2024 By Jennifer Lambert 11 Comments

Well, the invitations are coming in and my graduating student is thoroughly excited to celebrate with her friends.

And I feel like garbage.

I didn’t get a copy of Oh, the Places You‘ll Go! signed by everyone she’s interacted with since toddlerhood.

I didn’t get senior portraits in a field of weeds.

We don’t have any parties or trips planned.

I didn’t do any of the trendy Instagram-worthy Pinteresting things that I wasn’t even aware of.

It’s been a rough few years, with COVID closing all our extracurricular activities for a couple years. And after that, my teens aged out of a lot of classes and camps and some never started back up after the quarantine. There have been several ups and downs with job changes and income levels fluctuating.

I feel like I really dropped the ball and the end of this year has kinda snuck up on me.

My own senior year and high school graduation week was a fiasco.

I was one of the first students in Georgia to attempt dual enrollment with high school and college. My counselor and principal refused to help or grant any concessions or early dismissal, so I went directly to a local college and enrolled as a Freshman Scholar. I was still required to complete senior English, so I had to take marketing and another elective in order to leave early. I was require to work part time retail for my marketing class.

Senior week is supposed to be a fun time with graduation practice and whatnot, and when I showed up, several students forgot I even attended the school.

Graduation itself was funny. We handed condoms to our principal as we accepted a fake diploma. Several of us brought silly string and hid it in our sleeves. In order to receive our diploma folder, we had to return our cap and gown and a silly penlight since they thought it was a good idea for some “candlelight” moment. I dropped mine so they threatened to withhold my actual diploma.

My parents decided to go celebrate my graduation in downtown Atlanta at Chops steakhouse. Then they got upset I ordered lamb chops instead of steak. I swear I have seldom been so embarrassed: they stole the steak knives from the table. As we left, I pointed to a case by the door where they sold the knives and branded merchandise. I don’t even remember getting any gifts. We didn’t have a party with my large extended family or any of my friends.

I don’t really like ceremony anyway, but I always wanted my kids to feel special and that any day of celebration for them was about them and not about me.

My first child completed our homeschool in Germany and we were so happy for her and I got some fun photos at a nearby park and I ordered a cute pink mortarboard for her. We didn’t have a party since we didn’t have anyone to invite. We had traveled to many cities in Europe so she has some special memories of her teen years. We moved back to the States and she got a part time job and started college a year early. She didn’t want her driving license until she was eighteen. She resented a lot and regrets a lot of what we had to do, but she also wishes she could have graduated college during COVID somehow like some of her peers.

My elderly parents live near Atlanta, but they don’t communicate with my family; they express no interest in my kids at all. They don’t even seem to remember that I have four children, and often lump the middle two together. We haven’t seen my parents since 2018. My husband’s sisters don’t talk to me or the kids. They live near Chicago, and we haven’t seen them since 2012. It’s lonely and sad.

But I can celebrate my child even if no one else will.

She has performed with aerial gymnastics for about seven years – silks, lyra, and trapeze.

She has a part time job at a local grocery store since she was fifteen.

She has been a College Credit Plus student at a local university for two years, so she is already a sophomore in college at high school graduation. She is accepted as an honors student there this fall and we are very proud. She plans to commute so she can have better food and the comfort of her own bed and space.

She wanted her driving license as soon as possible so we got her the mandatory driving skill classes and a cute little Prius when she turned sixteen.

She attended Space Camp last summer, which has been her dream all her life.

We’re thrilled she got invited to the local high school prom with a group of girl friends.

We are very proud of everything she has done and she has some great goals I am sure she will meet!

Yes, I know that admonition about having only eighteen summers, and I know we have had some great and busy ones and some boring not so great ones. I also feel I have a few more summers to make some great memories, and I have no intention of just sending my kids away to live their own lives without me. I will stay as involved and close as they will let me be. I am blessed that my kids still want to go shopping, attend events, and travel with me.

This summer, we have a beach trip planned, but it will be a multitasker for my son’s baseball tournament. I hope to have a few long weekends or short trips to places that are interesting to my graduating child – hiking or thrifting, art and history museums.

Graduation should be a time for celebration. It’s a huge milestone for kids on the cusp of adulthood.

You might also like:

  • 5 Best Life Skills Books for Teens
  • Graduating from Homeschool
  • How to Prepare for After High School
  • Succeeding in College
  • Preparing Teens for the Workforce
  • Parenting Young Adults
  • Learning to Let Go
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Preparing Teens for the Workforce

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

March 4, 2024 By Jennifer Lambert 11 Comments

My kids are growing into adults with a different world than I experienced as a teen and young adult.

As I prepare my teens for college and the workforce, and later living independently, I realize what they’re up against and the difficulties they face that I didn’t have to worry about in the mid-1990’s.

Some of the tips and practices I was taught haven’t much changed, but some tactics and methods are different. I didn’t have the resources we can find online to help me prepare as easily or research companies or positions or competitive salaries.

I haven’t worked for pay outside the home in almost twenty years and I realize how difficult it is for a middle-aged mom to find work with such a long gap in her résumé. I have a master’s degree. I know what I can and can’t do. I know I am teachable and intelligent and able. I know what my skills were and are and could be. But I don’t look great on paper and few are willing to take a chance. It’s more than simple ageism.

My husband retired from the US Air Force after twenty years, during the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic. He has a master’s degree. While that made things more complicated with online interviews, there were still unforeseen difficulties we didn’t expect. We assumed his military career in communications and medical laboratory would give him lots of opportunities in our metro area, but we soon realized there are not so many choices in our desired salary range. Some companies are not interested in hiring a veteran. Many lowball the pay for too much responsibility and undesirable hours. Some positions are contracts that make us nervous if they get cancelled or furloughed. We assumed the market would be wide open, but many posted positions close within a day, and so many seem to require personal connections we don’t have.

Two of my teens got part time jobs at age sixteen. One had to be coaxed and one was chomping at the bit to work. My other two teens aren’t especially interested in working at this time and we revisit goals and plans frequently.

I am a firm believer that kids shouldn’t have to enter the adult world until they have to or want to since it’s so very hard to go back. So many teens are exploited in the workplace, underpaid and overworked and they don’t realize their rights. Also, the economy the last decade or so has so many adults competing with teens for what used to be entry level jobs that teens are pushed out and have fewer options. I see many adults doing side gigs or full time jobs as nannies, pet sitters, house sitters, lawn care, and more – and these positions used to be traditional entries into the working world for older kids and teens. I have seen fewer companies willing to give inexperienced teens the opportunity for their first job so they can gain experience and learn.

How to Prepare for the Workforce

Résumé

So much has changed for résumés since I was in the workforce and looking for jobs. LinkedIn is a good place to begin and will propagate a lovely formated résumé from the input.

While I do possess résumé paper, most communication is online, so uploading or emailing pdf copies of résumés seems to be the norm now.

The required information seems to be similar, just more streamlined these days.

Objectives and cover letters seems to be optional, but are still a good idea to focus and personalize to each job you apply to.

Employers prefer experience listed in reverse chronological format. List the most recent job first. Specific dates are optional, it seems in some circumstances. My teens also listed volunteer positions they held.

Education is important, and obviously many teens or college students don’t have a lot to list here.

Special skills, honors, awards, memberships always look great.

Job Search

While so much is online, it’s still good to keep our eyes and ears open.

There are many sites dedicated to job searches and can be filtered for very specific needs.

Many teens find success working where they shop or visit, especially if there are perks like discounts. It never hurts to ask friends, aquaintances, or store employees if the store is hiring or will be hiring soon. There are seasonal and temporary jobs often, based on demand.

Interview Tips

I feel nothing much is changed with interviewing. We should still look our best and be prepared to answer difficult questions. For some jobs, there is often a phone interview prior to an in-person meeting.

Interviews are a good opportunity to learn about a company, supervisors, and employees. It’s great to ask questions of the interviewer and they owe you honest answers. It’s a two-way street!

It’s important to learn a little about the company and why you would want to work there, why you would be a great fit! Have a good elevator pitch to tell about yourself and your strengths and accomplishments.

Some interviews are very informal and just a formality prior to hiring while others are more in-depth. Often, it just depends on the interviewer and timing.

It’s important not to feel failure if a job isn’t offered on the spot. It’s good experience and not wasted time to have several interviews before finding a good job fit.

Paperwork

Most teens need a work permit in their state that can be acquired at their local high school. There are different child labor laws for different ages under eighteen.

When offered a position, there will be identification required and tax forms.

Benefits options should be provided and open for discussion.

Some companies have unions and it’s important to support those!

Never store anything on the company cloud accounts without having a backup. Don’t use company devices for any personal correspondence or documents.

Training

All training should be paid.

It’s never ok to be asked to come in for a free preview or on the job interview.

Most training is about a week-long for retail or restaurant. It’s a great time to ask questions or clarification on policy and protocol.

Hopefully, there are written training manuals, employee handbooks, and standard operating procedures.

It’s wise to be humble and teachable.

Exploitation

Teens and young adults need to know their rights in the workplace.

Even adults are exploited or find themselves in a position that is difficult and they are not in an easy position to leave or find another job, so they feel that they have to just take the abuse.

If businesses are unwilling to discuss or disclose pay increases, sick or personal leave options, that’s a red flag. If employees are not protected from harm or abuse from others, that’s a problem.

My teens have been sexually harrassed, had hours cut as punishment, had time off denied, been criticized about appearance, cussed and yelled at, and more.

My husband has been overloaded in positions without compensation or recognition for going above and beyond his job description. He has been micromanged to infinity and beyond by egotistical supervisors who felt threatened by his confidence and experience.

Sometimes, there seems to be a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive. Many supervisors can’t handle an employee who is confident or knowledgeable or kind.

Separation

I still feel it’s important to give a two-week notice when leaving a position. This is much for you to have a transition time as it is for the company to find a replacement. This also often helps with having a buffer in salary until your first pay at the new position.

My adult daughter was told to vacate her position immediately a few times after giving notice. I hated that and it showed the quality of those employers.

In some states, employers can terminate employees for any or no reason, at any time.

It’s important to document, document, document!

Write out a practice script, making the circumstances as neutral as possible, without placing or accepting blame. It can be something simple and vague like: “There was a difference in company policy interpretation.”

When I was in my mid-twenties, I lost five jobs in two years! It was a difficult time and I was very discouraged. It forced me to reevaluate my career and options. While it wasn’t easy for me to choose to homeschool my kids, it became the best choice and has been so rewarding and fulfilling these two decades.

Sometimes, a job transition forces us to reevaluate our goals and dreams, and look for new or different opportunities.

What are your job search tips?

You might also like:

  • 5 Best Life Skills Books for Teens
  • How to Prepare for After High School
  • Parenting Teens
  • Parenting Young Adults
  • Succeeding in College
  • Teen Jobs
  • How Teens Can Spend Summer
  • Teen Driving Tips
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Nourishing Teens

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Please see my suggested resources.

January 15, 2024 By Jennifer Lambert 19 Comments

I know for many families, it’s a struggle both budgeting and planning to get healthy meals on the table.

Growing up, my mother loathed cooking and it showed.

I ate canned vegetables boiled to oblivion, overcooked unseasoned meats, Sunbeam white bread, margarine, sugary cereals, soda, sweet caffeinated tea. My parents forced me to drink 2% milk every night – in spite of my hatred of it and that it gave me horrible digestive troubles.

Dinnertime was often a battle on all fronts. I remember many times I stayed at our kitchen table for hours, staring at a plate of food slowly congealing and mixing with my tears.

I had at least weekly migraines and developed disordered eating that I still struggle to overcome.

I’ve certainly evolved a lot as a parent in many ways and very much with my relationship with food.

When I was a single mom, I got Angel Food boxes from a local church and they were a big help. I shopped at international grocery stores and discount shops and bakery outlets for cheaper cuts of meat or older items.

After I remarried, we were excited to receive charity hams and turkeys from church or the USO during holidays.

For many years, I struggled to plan and prep meals, clipping coupons and going to various stores for the best deals to feed our family of six as best I could. I still use savings apps like these.

There is no shame in any of that.

Decades ago, I listened to another military spouse sheepishly brag that she finally didn’t have to look at prices at the store after her husband made rank. I guess that’s a noble goal, to be able to purchase grocery needs and wants without regard to price or having a calculator in hand. I longed for that day.

And now, we are blessed with a larger food budget.

So, also over the years, I’ve fluctuated with quality versus price. I mean, generic products are often cheaper. But some brands are better than others.

We’re told to buy organic, but the labels often have no meaning or legal backing.

Not many coupons or deals exist for certain brands or organic foods. I use savings apps like these.

This post on social media struck me the other day:

I don’t buy all foods. Most people have foods they don’t buy for many reasons like:⁠

  • health⁠
  • medical⁠
  • cost⁠
  • accessibility ⁠
  • ethics⁠
  • culture & religion⁠
  • taste preferences⁠

⁠You don’t have to say “yes” to all foods. You don’t have to bring all foods into your home. I do caution against calling those foods “bad” though. There are so many kids out there telling their friends the food they are eating is bad. Not helpful. Additionally, if you call foods bad you are also setting up a “good food/bad food” category system in their brain. This can contribute to a complicated relationship with food in some people.

source: Kids Eat in Color on Facebook

I am not a dietician or nutritionist.

But I’m a mom who questions everything and I see the results when I feed my family junk or processed quick foods compared to whole foods.

It’s a constant battle in my head and heart that I want yummy and fun foods, but it’s often exhausting doing all the research to get heartbroken that foods in the USA are all produced by only a few humongous companies who only care about profit and not about people’s nutrition or overall health.

I want to make sure I’m nourishing my family. I know that nutrition is often the first line of defense in better health. I want my kids to grow and develop with the best foods I can afford, so they might be less prone to illnesses later in life.

I’m avoiding a lot of additives in foods that are illegal in countries other than the USA. It’s infuriating that I have to be aware and make changes in product choices that are in every grocery store and most of us have been buying for decades without ever realizing. And many foods that used to be OK a couple or few decades ago are now formulated more cheaply with worse ingredients.

When I go to the store, I tend to shop on the perimeter, where the real foods are: dairy, meats, produce.

Have you ever noticed the marketing and signage to get you to meander through the store, designed to lure you in (and especially children who are dazzled by the pretty labels).

What are some of the food additives that are considered fine for consumption in the USA?

Potassium bromate is a chemical additive commonly used to help strengthen dough and enhance the texture of baked goods. The International Agency for Research on Cancer considers it a possible human carcinogen, and the Center for Science in the Public Interest petitioned the F.D.A. to ban it nearly 20 years ago. This is one reason so many think they’re allergic or sensitive to gluten. It is seldom used in Europe. I buy unbromated flour for baking and we feel so much better! We notice if we use store-bought breads.

Azodicarbonamide, or azobisformamide, is used as a whitening agent in cereal flour and as a dough conditioner, breaks down during baking into chemicals that cause cancer in lab animals. It is used by many chain restaurants that serve sandwiches and buns. The Center for Science in the Public Interest has urged the F.D.A. to bar its use.

Brominated Vegetable Oil (BVO) is used in some citrus-flavored soft drinks like Mountain Dew and in some sports drinks to prevent separation of ingredients, but it is banned in Europe. It contains bromine, the element found in brominated flame retardants, and studies suggest it can build up in the body and can potentially lead to memory loss and skin and nerve problems.

Sudan or Azo Dyes – specifically Yellow food dyes No. 5 and No. 6, and Red Dye No. 40 can be used in foods sold in Europe, but the products must carry a warning saying the coloring agents “may have an adverse effect on activity and attention in children.” No such warning is required in the United States, though the Center for Science in the Public Interest petitioned the F.D.A. in 2008 to ban the dyes.

The European Union also bans bovine growth hormone, which the United States dairy industry uses to increase milk production. The European Union also does not allow the drug ractopamine, used in the United States to increase weight gain in pigs, cattle and turkeys before slaughter, saying that “risks to human health cannot be ruled out.”

Olestra is a fat substitute often used in diet products because it adds no calories to products. Please note also Margarine is not a good option.

Artificial sweeteners have also been tied to an increased risk for developing metabolic syndrome and related diseases such as diabetes and cardiovascular disease. Interestingly, high fructose corn syrup and white sugar are both equally unhealthy. Even some of the recommended sugar alternatives often cause allergies or sensitivities. We try to limit our sugar intake.

Seed oils are making us all sick. Seed oils are often found in ultra-processed foods, which can lead to inflammation and disease. Unlike traditional fats such as olive oil, coconut oil, butter, ghee, and lard, industrial seed oils are a very recent addition to the human diet. Read How Vegetable Oils Replaced Animal Fats in the American Diet. Soybeans were introduced to the United States in the 1930s, and by the 1950s, it had become the most popular vegetable oil in the country. Canola, corn, and safflower oils followed shortly after that. The low cost of these cooking oils, combined with strategic marketing on the part of the oil manufacturers, made them wildly popular in American kitchens. The oils extracted from soybeans, corn, cottonseed, safflower seeds, and rapeseeds must be refined, bleached, and deodorized before they are suitable for human consumption.

Glyphosate (Round-Up weed killer) causes cancer and yet it is not illegal to use or buy in the USA and is sprayed on food products like grains and seed oil crops that then get carried over into so many foods we eat. You should be concerned about this Glyphosate Contamination in Food List, including pasta, cereals, crackers, and more.

Glyphosate Facts:

  • Glyphosate is the key ingredient in Bayer/Monsanto’s signature herbicide Roundup. The World Health Organization and California state scientists have linked glyphosate to cancer.
  • At the time of writing this blog there are 42,000 plaintiffs suing Bayer over claiming glyphosate caused cancer.
  • The World Health Organization’s International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) ruled glyphosate a carcinogen. The IARC said that along with other Monsanto chemicals Roundup could cause Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s disease, autism, and cancer.
  • Americans have applied 1.8 million tons of glyphosate since its introduction in 1974.
  • Worldwide, 9.4 million tons of the chemical has been sprayed on fields – enough to spray nearly half a pound of Roundup on every cultivated acre of land in the world.
  • Globally, glyphosate use has risen almost 15-fold since so-called “Roundup Ready,” genetically engineered glyphosate-tolerant crops were introduced in 1996.
  • The mass-spraying of glyphosate has led to the explosion of resistant weeds, which have evolved to survive despite being sprayed. Already, weeds resistant to the herbicide are found on half of all-American farmers’ fields and are present on upward of 100 million acres of cultivated cropland.
  • In 1987, only 11 million pounds of the chemical were used on U.S. farms, but now nearly 300 million pounds of glyphosate are applied each year.

We try never to use plastic bottled drinks.

The per-and polyfluoroalkyl substances (PFAS) are a group of chemicals used to make coatings and products that resist heat, oil, stains, grease, and water – that can be in a variety of products, including food packaging and non-stick cooking surfaces. Many PFAS are a concern because they:

  • do not break down in the environment,
  • can move through soils and contaminate drinking water sources,
  • build up (bioaccumulate) in fish and wildlife.

PFAS are found in rivers and lakes and in many types of animals on land and in the water.

80% of Americans test positive for chemical found in Cheerios, Quaker Oats that may cause infertility, delayed puberty: study by Journal of Exposure Science & Environmental Epidemiology.

I’m trying to be really mindful of the brands and products we support.

My husband was in remission with Type 2 Diabetes for over a decade, but recently he has had to resume prescription medication. So, we are being much more conscious of how we eat. We hope he can go back into remission soon.

Recently I’ve been buying Organic Valley grassfed whole milk and half and half. If I can’t find that, I get Horizon.

We buy Kerrygold butter and it sure does make a difference. It’s a good deal at Sam’s Club or Costco.

We switched to Dave’s Killer Bread. Thankfully, it’s delicious and I sometimes find it on sale. I also make a lot of our own bread products with Montana wheat or King Arthur.

We buy three dozen farm eggs every week or so from my husband’s coworker. They are glorious with huge yolks, sometimes doubles!

I buy a lot of fresh and frozen fruits and vegetables. I am infuriated that wealthy celebrities are investing in varnishes to increase shelf life on foods that should be seasonal and temporary.

I keep a full pantry of pasta and rice and ingredients. We can our tomatoes every year. We make our own taco seasoning and other spice mixes.

We have a deep freezer full of meat that I stock up when I see good deals at the commissary or Kroger or Sam’s Club. I freeze bones from poultry or hams to make stock and I freeze the stock in bags for easy use in soups and stews.

I order lots of fish and seafood from KnowSeafood and encourage my family to try new flavors and textures.

I read ingredients and I research companies to make sure my dollars speak for our family’s choices and values.

I do loosely meal plan and it sometimes gets complicated with busy teen schedules, but I like to have good meals that will keep for a few hours if someone works late or has a sports practice.

Resources:

  • The Great Cholesterol Myth by Jonny Bowden
  • The Big Fat Surprise by Nina Teicholz
  • Dr. Neal Barnard’s Program for Reversing Diabetes: The Scientifically Proven System for Reversing Diabetes without Drugs
  • How to Save Money while Shopping
  • Plank Grilled Salmon
  • Slow Cooker Meals
  • Favorite Soups
  • Our Favorite Salads
  • Creative Leftovers
  • Organizing Recipes
  • What We Eat Every Week
  • Real Food Cooking During PCS
  • Prioritizing Rest
  • Should I Label My Children?
  • Resources for Brain Health

You might also like:

  • Shepherding Teens
  • 5 Best Life Skills Books for Teens
  • Succeeding in College
  • How to Prepare for After High School
  • Parenting Teens
  • Parenting Young Adults
  • The Last Time
  • Learning to Let Go

Linking up here!

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Space Camp

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Please see my suggested resources.

July 24, 2023 By Jennifer Lambert 13 Comments

My daughter has wanted to go to Space Camp for about ten years and we were so excited to finally send her this summer!

She attended the first summer week of Advanced Space Academy and was one of the older teens there.

There was a huge waiting list since COVID, so she was in overflow, and stayed in military barracks and not the cool Space Camp pods. It was not as comfy and she was a little disappointed.

Space Camp is nothing at all like the movie, by the way.

We drove down from Ohio to Huntsville, Alabama, and stayed at the lovely Drury Inn just across the way. We didn’t want to risk being late for check-in, but to have an afternoon and evening to relax a little.

Check-in was an absolute nightmare.

There is a new building and it was just not organized at all.

There could have been so many different and better ways to go about checking in. It was just a free-for-all of all age groups and parents, siblings, family and friends (even though every single communication said one parent to check in the camper). Apparently, some parents had an even worse time checking in several children of different ages or for different camps happening simultaneously. They had to even get back in line!

Per all the emails, I was supposed to arrive for the older teen check-in between noon and one. It took about two hours to get through the check-in process and I assumed I could be in and out within an hour. If they had staggered age groups or had different lines for different campers, it could have been so much better.

After check-in, I had to load all her stuff back in the car and drive to her barracks. I did get to see her in her bunk before leaving. I had a long drive back from Alabama to Ohio.

She said the food was good and she got biscuits every morning.

No outside food or drinks are allowed. We did not opt for prepurchasing snack packs or loading her ID wristband with money for vending. She did not want a flight suit. She bought herself a James Webb pin from a gift shop and that was all.

She was excited for EVA missions, anti-gravity tests, SCUBA, and the ropes course.

She was busy, busy and couldn’t get many pictures on her smartphone, but there is a photographer and about twenty photos were uploaded and available for free downloads. There were also photo packages available for purchase.

I drove back to Alabama at the end of the week, and again stayed at the Drury Inn for a night.

The graduation process was so much better and the age groups were separated into the auditorium and parents were corraled before allowed to get check-out stickers for their kids. Since I only had the one child, it was easy for me. I heard having several children in different age groups was difficult since they wouldn’t allow but one sticker every two hour increment.

We were informed literally the day before graduation that families could tour the museum and grounds after picking up a camper, but we already had reservations for Gulf Shores. We just didn’t have time.

She wanted to attend the special invitation-only Elite Space Camp next year. After sending three emails asking about the invitation and them telling me “not yet” they never sent the invite and then told me it was sent “last year” and sold out in two hours. Probably for the best, since they’re not organized in the least.

Tori’s sibling, Akantha, attended CCAD college preview this summer.

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Succeeding in College

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Please see my suggested resources.

August 29, 2022 By Jennifer Lambert 12 Comments

My middle two kids began university this week with CCP. They’re commuting to a local university for a three classes for the very first time. They’re 15 and 16 years old. They’ve never attended school before!

While on one hand I feel that I prepared them well for post-high school opportunities, on the other hand, I am terrified that I missed some huge important task or skill that we will have to struggle to make up for that might make their lives difficult.

I lie awake at night checking off my list of what I want them to know.

My eldest did CCP and a year or so of university before COVID, then the school faculty and staff went on strike and she quit rather than do online classes. She may go back someday or she may not. While I do feel I prepared her well, I also know there were some gaps, and our relationship suffered. She didn’t want my help and I was desperate to give it. I have regrets.

I am a first generation college graduate. It was a struggle for me to navigate that world and I feel I missed out on a whole lot due to lack of experience, knowledge, support. I store up information to impart to my kids so they know what to expect.

My husband came from academic parents and both his sisters are teachers. His middle sister’s husband is also a teacher. They all have master’s degrees, as do I. I expect our kids to fare pretty well in the academic world and possibly get graduate degrees.

College Tips for Success

Read the syllabus. Honestly. Keep up with assignments and don’t fall behind. That’s the most of it.

Class Participation

My kids have gotten multiple emails from their uni and there are notes in each of their course syllabi about participating in class for a percentage of their grade.

Some of this is just showing up on time and staying in class and paying attention.

Some is actively participating in class discussion, asking questions, etc.

Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but it is important to get that 10% of the grade and to learn how to effectively communicate.

Also, please keep phones silent or off and away during class time! It’s rude to eat or be on phones during class.

Study Skills

My homeschooled kids have never taken a test nor really had to practice study skills, so we are taking a crash course on note taking and how to manage quizzes and exams.

I realize most of middle and high school involves just learning how to learn and how to study, all those questions at the ends of chapters and vocabulary lists to define – busy work.

I explained to my kids that any questions in their textbooks are study opportunities and they should complete those and also write outlines of the assigned chapters.

There are several notetaking options that are helpful. I like outlines and the Cornell method.

Some professors prefer the students listen to the lecture and participate in discussion while others encourage note-taking during class.

My kids took their first quiz and aced it and are taking great notes, according to the student instructors. They’re excited about the homework assignments and are enjoying classes!

Study Tips

  • Pomodoro Technique: The key to avoiding burnout is to study for no longer than 25 minutes, then take a five-minute break. Repeat this four times and then take a 30-minute break.
  • Record yourself reading your notes aloud and listen to the recording multiple times leading up to an exam.
  • Using different colored note cards for concepts and vocabulary and placing them all over your living space or use in a game format.
  • Use Apple Pencil to enter text in Notes, Notability, OneNote, or Scribble apps

Time Management

Be realistic about how early to get up and how late to stay in class. We chose the earliest class at 10 AM and latest ends about 1:30. There are also labs and study sessions that eat up a lot of time online or in person.

Everything is online now. It’s so different than when I attended university. There’s a server storing all the course info and it propagates to a handy calendar.

I encourage my kids to do a little bit each day for each course so they don’t get overwhelmed or fall behind. Studying and reading and completing homework takes up a lot of time, but chunking it into smaller bites makes it more manageable.

Bigger assignments can be chunked into smaller bites too. Outlining and rough drafts before the final essay.

Social activities, extracurriculars, and part-time jobs are important, but maybe need to take a backseat to the academics for a couple weeks until the schedule feels more comfortable.

Setting priorities helps to alleviate anxiety and fear of missing out.

Communication

It’s very important to keep up with communication. The school, professors, student assistant instructors, and others send out emails every day with important information.

I had my kids get the Outlook app on their devices with their university emails and encourage them to check it every morning.

Professors are usually great about replying to emails. Ask questions! Get clarification! Most professors want you to succeed and encourage active communication via email or office hours.

It’s also useful to share contact info with classmates for emergencies or help.

Being proactive is a must. Of course, we can’t help it if we get sick, but missing classes can be a problem. Most professors understand but require a doctor’s note after a couple missed classes. This is not the time nor place for the adage, “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.”

It’s important for the students to learn how to communicate in an adult world. Parents can’t jump in and help anymore.

Using Services

Attend the study group sessions.

Get familiar with the writing lab.

Use the tutoring services.

Learn how to navigate the library.

These services exist to help students and they are usually free and open to anyone attending classes.

Some universities even offer mental health professional services to students for a small fee, and that’s often cheaper and easier than the usual copays. There are also disability offices and waivers that may be helpful.

Staying Healthy

Eating well and getting enough sleep can sometimes be more difficult with a busy schedule.

Since my kids are commuting, I get up earlier to make sure they have a good breakfast. It’s unusual for us to have alarms and it’s been a bit rough.

I make and pack snacks and sandwiches three days a week when they have longer days. Here are some of our favorite lunch storage options.

We have lunch together on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

We all still have dinners together.

I am concerned about purchasing potentially useless or unappetizing meal plans when and if my kids go away to college in 2-3 years. Also, packing lots and lots of snacks and quick meals and hydrating drinks to keep in their dorms. I’ve also read about horror stories of moldy AC units and on-campus restaurants being closed. Summer preview at a local art college for three weeks was a taste and it was unpleasant.

Packing raincoats and umbrellas, even a change of clothes, and extra period products in the car for emergencies is a good idea too.

I sent a roll of sanitizing wipes with my kid to use in class on computers and desks and that helps her feel safer.

It’s hard having our kids growing up and away and becoming young adults. I feel they’re ready even if I still try to anticipate any little thing and long to help.

I joined a parent support group on Facebook that has lots of info and question/answer for parents of students at the university my kids attend. It’s helpful and I’ve learned a lot of things I wouldn’t have thought about.

School Supplies my College Kids Love:

  • LED Page Magnifier
  • Reading Guide Highlight Strips
  • Page Magnifying Lens
  • Post-it Flags and Tabs
  • Post-it Notes
  • Transparent Sticky Notes
  • Sharpie Highlighters
  • BIC Velocity Max Mechanical Pencil
  • Notebooks: Bono Vintage and Mad Hatter Stationeries

You might also like:

  • Learning to Let Go
  • College Credit Plus in Ohio
  • Shepherding Teens
  • Critical Tips to Acing the SAT and ACT
  • Graduating from Homeschool
  • How to Prepare for After High School
  • Eighteen
  • Parenting Young Adults

Linking up at these blogs.

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No Compromise

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Please see my suggested resources.

August 15, 2022 By Jennifer Lambert 11 Comments

I have tried and tried and tried to make sure my kids know how to navigate healthy relationships in spite of their not having a good role model in me.

I don’t have any friends.

My kids don’t have many friends, and even fewer IRL.

I’m so proud of how kind and helpful and compassionate my children are.

I dream and hope and pray that my children find others who are also kind and compassionate and emotionally healthy. I don’t want them to live their lives alone.

Over the years, I have confronted parents whose children bullied mine. There were a few very scary and dangerous situations that went largely unresolved because of our society’s mantras and the parents’ and groups’ mentality of “boys will be boys” or “they’re just kids.”

For a long time I did try to give those kids the benefit of the doubt and also coach my kids how to handle situations on their own. I don’t like stepping in unless I really have to, and it never helps; it only makes things worse and burns bridges.

It’s also not my job to correct a child who is sexist, racist, ableist, hateful, or just mean. I realize they’re just spouting what they hear from parents and teachers and church leaders. Perhaps a child will grow and learn to question his family’s values and evolve into a better person, perhaps not.

I focus on protecting my child rather than educating yours.

So, we’ve had longs seasons of few or no friends and we look forward to starting over when we move, but we’re settled now and ready to put down roots.

We were excited to meet new people and make new friends when we moved to Ohio about five years ago.

The first neighborhood boy who met us when we had a lemonade stand a few weeks after we settled in seemed great at first.

No one else on our street would play with him and they ignored our kids when he was with them. I assumed the issue was the other kids. A few boys were very mean to mine and we learned to avoid them and whew, that memory is alive and well no matter how those boys have grown up and maybe regret or matured and try to make amends.

The boy seemed always polite to me, mature, made eye contact, and told jokes. My kids like him and we all seemed to get along fine.

He was never allowed in our house or backyard. I respected his parents’ rules, but I thought it was a little weird. They didn’t want to have a relationship with me and we only waved or said hi in passing. My kids said they seemed very strict and they didn’t go inside his house either, but would be invited to his backyard inground pool in summer.

I found out the boy was expelled from our district school for fighting. He attends a private conservative Christian school. He mentioned he was bullied and it led to the fight. I don’t really know details. Perhaps it’s as he says. His family attends a conservative Christian church.

He and my kids all wore themed costumes for Halloween for four years. Last year, my kids said he wasn’t trick or treating with them and they hedged when I asked why. They said he had bad grades and was going with his sister so we waved when we saw him across the street.

He stopped coming by and my kids didn’t go to his house and stopped talking about him. I thought I’ll never have the entire story and it was very sad.

COVID happened and it was hard for everyone. My son especially suffered when all the neighborhood boys still played together and even came to our door constantly to ask for my son, but we isolated and stayed inside. It was a scary time and I had to complain to some parents that we didn’t want their kids to keep coming to our door. It wasn’t my job to tell those kids why.

After lockdown, my kids admitted that the boy said some very hateful things and they made a decision to stop socializing with him.

He told my kids they were going to hell for being gay and trans – only cishet Christian people won’t go to hell. He said all Muslims should be exported or killed and that they were going to hell for terrorism; they’re all terrorists. I was horrified by this! It sounded like some old white man watching Fox News, not some 14 year old Puerto Rican boy. My kids didn’t want me to know until a lot of time had passed because they didn’t want me to confront him or his parents. I’m not even sure how I would confront people who believe these things and it surely wouldn’t matter whatever I could say.

I’m so proud that my kids chose not to continue that relationship. They don’t want to compromise their values or put themselves in awkward positions just to play cards or swim in his pool. I can’t say that I would have been that mature or self-preserving at their age.

My kids chose to protect each other.

At least there is some closure.

He has the audacity to wave at us when he’s riding his bike and we’re on our evening walks. I wonder what the story is that he tells himself. What do his parents know or choose not to realize? Do they even wonder why they’re no longer friends?

My children are 12, 15, 16, and 21. I’m so happy to see my kids making friends through homeschool activities, from their extracurricular events, camp, volunteering, and work. They’ve met some lovely people IRL that they were introduced to online.

I was so worried my children wouldn’t know how to navigate friendships because I don’t model that, but they’re capable of handling themselves so well in social environments!

It’s always been hard for me to make friends and maintain those friendships. I’m in awe that I haven’t ruined my children with my inability to be social. They’re blossoming and growing and being healthy in spite of me!

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You might also like:

  • When Mean Girls Grow Up
  • Is Your Child a Bully?
  • Diligent Parenting
  • Helping Kids Make Friends
  • What If I Don’t Have Friends?
  • Grieving Family Who Are Still Alive
  • Teaching Kids About Healthy Relationships

Linking up: Eclectic Red Barn, OMHG, Suburbia, Shelbee on Edge, Jenerally Informed, LouLou Girls, InstaEncouragements, April Harris, Create with Joy, Pinch of Joy, God’s Growing Garden, Silverado, Random Musings, Ridge Haven, Soaring with Him, Joanne Viola, Simply Coffee, Ducks in a Row, Fluster Buster, Ridge Haven, Penny’s Passion, Try it Like it, Katherine’s Corner, Slices of Life, Imparting Grace, Anchored Abode, Momfessionals, Answer is Choco, Lisa Notes, Being a Wordsmith, Modern Monticello, Pam’s Party, Pieced Pastimes, Mostly Blogging,

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