Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Challenges for Military Families Overseas

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October 13, 2015 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

While I am very thankful to be so fortunate to live overseas, it’s not always magical and fun.

We are a military family.

These are some challenges to our daily lives.

Were a Military Family-Challenges to Our Daily Lives

Personal freedom

While I was raised in a military family, it’s quite eye-opening to be a military family in a foreign country.

For personal safety, we are advised to remove stickers and emblems from our personal vehicles that could identify us as American.

My husband cannot wear his uniform off base. My daughter cannot wear her Civil Air Patrol uniform off base.

We don’t wear American sports or brand-ID clothing off base either.

We do our best to blend in.

So many Americans live in a bubble of ignorance and arrogance and protection in the big ole US of A, but getting unbiased news reports opens our eyes a bit here.

Postal service

We receive an APO mailbox that is located in my husband’s building. I can mail items through that office at US postal prices to US mailing addresses.

For receiving items, I have two choices:

When I place an online order, I can ship to my APO which is like a US postal address, but there are often long wait times. Items can be expedited for additional shipping charges. Sometimes, a company won’t ship an item to an APO. I have had to cut down my blog reviews for many items won’t ship here in a timely fashion or at all. Some stores often ship the cheapest way, which means on a boat and I could see the item in a couple months, maybe.

I can order locally and have items shipped to my home address. There are not so many items available to order here as in the USA and free shipping is not as common.

Internet and TV

This was the biggest shock to me.

We put our TV in storage rather than ship it with our household goods since it wasn’t something we wanted to pay for here. There are taxes and signal boxes that must be purchases and we don’t watch that mutch TV anyway.

It took 6 months to get Internet connected to our house. While we have the fastest connection of anyone we know, it is DSL and the bandwidth is shared among the neighbors in our village. So, in the evenings, it is rather slow and glitchy.

We use a VPN to connect to Amazon streaming and Netflix so we can watch movies and shows on our computers.

Paying for Stuff

We have US bank accounts that service military families. The clerks we contact with questions or problems don’t seem to understand that the rest of the world utilizes pin and chip cards for payment. Our non-chip check cards are seldom accepted at local stores and hardly ever when we travel, so we have to use ATMs for Euro cash before we leave. We’ve been having trouble using our check cards at the couple of local places that do take them as payment. Our bank tells us the company that issues the check cards have fraud alerts for any credit purchases over $50. We have called and spoken to the bank several times and argued to have the fraud alerts lifted. We have explained we need pin and chip cards. We have explained that we live in Germany and the stores only have machines that run check cards like credit cards. It’s so embarrassing to be at Globus or Real and ring up €130 in groceries to have our card denied. Shopping here can be challenging.

And then there’s the exchange rate that’s 24% higher on-base than off-base. The government justifies this as a convenience charge.

There are a few options for paying local utility bills since we live off-base. We have two banks on-base: Community Bank, run by Bank of America (and a completely different banking entity), and Service Credit Union. There are offices in the KMCC mall and several other convenient locations around the KMC military installations. Many ATMs are easily found on bases too. These banks communicate with local vendors and offer payments in Euro and USD. We opened a Community Bank account to pay rent, utilities, Internet, and cell phones. There is a $1 surcharge+exchange rate fees for online bill pay transactions. Many choose to get a completely local German bank to avoid all the extra fees. This is handy for those fluent in German or married to a local national. I wish we had researched and figured this out before banking with Community Bank.

Electricity

American electrical outlets are 110V. Most European electric outlets are 220V.

While we use transformers for some of our must-have kitchen appliances and adaptors for things like lamps, we have to be very careful with electricity here. It’s more expensive than what we’re used to paying. The electric company charges an average fee each month and then reconciles each year. We owed a lot last year, so we asked for our average to be raised accordingly so we’re not surprised again. We use our dishwasher and washer and dryer every day, often multiple times per day. We hang our clothing to dry, but I do put towels and underwear in the condenser dryer.

We put all of our 110V appliances with timers in storage. We also put our big freezer in storage. I have purchased a few items new or used to make our time here more enjoyable. I figure the amount of use we will get out of a slow cooker and hair dryer for 3-4 years is worth it!

Gasoline

We receive a gasoline or petrol ration each month.

There are several gas stations on the bases near us. They list the price per gallon that is comparable to prices in the US, but it issues gas in liters. We sign for our ration and then we pay in American dollars.

When our van arrived, one of the first things we had to do was register it in the system for our petrol ration. When my husband bought a car, we had to transfer the registration and ration card.

When we travel, we can load the Esso card and use it at Esso stations throughout Germany, as long as it is within our monthly ration.

Kids

Our children mostly adjust well to the military life.

Our teen has the hardest time being flexible. I know it’s hard sometimes. She has less freedom as an ex-pat here in Europe than she would in the States.

While many of her friends in the USA are getting learner’s permits at 15, Liz knows she can’t drive a car in Europe until the age of 18. Since we live (pretty far) off-base, she has to rely on her parents (us) to drive her to activities.

She isn’t able to get a part-time job off-base and almost all the base jobs require applicants to be 18+. She is vying for entry-level experience with military spouses who need the money or are bored or want to work (they can’t get any off-base jobs either).

Most of the volunteer opportunities in the local community are even closed to her since she is a minor. The USO doesn’t accept minors anymore here in our area because of some bad occurrences that happened years ago.

Liz got her Red Cross certification at age 15 so she earns credit for her hospital volunteering.

Too many families want babysitters who are adults and have their own car. And they don’t want to pay. We used to pay $10-15/hour for our 3 girls, but most of the babysitting jobs Liz has done this past year were for $5/hour for 2-4 kids, and some with special needs! Liz is a certified babysitter with the Red Cross – CPR and more, and has lots of experience with special needs kids – autism, deafness, FAS.

Our other kids haven’t had too many problems with military life other than leaving friends when we or they PCS.

We’re here…

I love seeing family and friends post momentous occasions on social media. I laugh and cry with you. I am proud to witness your kids’ growth and family events. But it also makes me a little sad. We miss the church campouts and friendly BBQs. My husband misses fishing with his friends. My kids miss playing in the yard.

Holidays are hard.

It’s hard feeling isolated and alone sometimes.

Some other posts you might like:

  • Relationships Over Stuff
  • Hard Candy Christmas
  • Missing Home
  • Military Kids
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Stop Complaining About Military Life

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Please see my suggested resources.

March 16, 2015 By Jennifer Lambert 3 Comments

Who is helped by hearing constant complaints?

I understand that some spouses find military life hard. But I also think some people would just find any kind of life hard. Some people just suck the joy right out of life. And if someone is struggling, let’s be uplifting instead of tearing them down.

Some spouses seem to constantly complain of every aspect of military life. They’re so weary with the PCSing and the deployments and the stress and inconveniences.

I’m weary too.

I’m weary of the negativity and complaining about military life.

I’m also tired of people proclaiming that all military spouses are the same. We’re just lumped all together with Coach bags, MLMs, pregnant, flouting our husband’s rank. It’s a tired stereotype.

I’m sick of hearing that military spouses are uneducated and jobless and mooching off the government.

Stop Complaining About Military Life - I’m weary of the negativity and complaining about military life.

I don’t raise my family any differently because we’re a military family.

I’m not a different wife because my husband is active duty Air Force.

But perhaps I have a bit of an edge having grown up a military brat. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t go to a commissary or eXchange or travel on a road trip without stopping at a base or post to check out the history there or even stay in TLF on the off-season. My dad traveled lots as a reservist and GS. His dad was active duty Navy and he lived all over the coastal USA.

I realize some spouses have no prior experience with military life, but they should certainly research before starting a serious relationship with a service member.

Normal life is what you make of it.

We live in the greatest era for connection there has ever been. It’s 2020, not 1915! We have the Internet – with Facebook and Skype and Google and all sorts of ways to research and communicate with others. There are no excuses for lack of availability of information. Learn how to Google. Stop crowdsourcing for your affirmation. Seriously.

When my husband deployed the first time, we had just PCSed to a new state. I had four kids under the age of ten. No friends, no church, no family nearby. I homeschooled and I got no break for almost a year.

And he left on our anniversary.

And I had never experienced winter before.

saying good bye

For like that whole deployment, it was winter, y’all. I’d never lived anywhere that had winter. I learned to drive in blizzards and buy snowsuits and boots for our kids. I found out where to go sledding. Then it snowed again and our basement flooded on Memorial Day in May. Fun times. {I’m not made for winter.}

There were occasions when I was miserable. There were evenings when I cried in a ball on the kitchen floor. There were nights I put the kids to bed at 6:30 so I could just be alone. I lost my temper with my kids. I hated my husband. I hated myself. I hated God.

But mostly, life ran like clockwork.

There was so much less laundry! I had leftovers from dinner for lunch the next day. I could cook bell peppers all I wanted (Aaron doesn’t like them)!!! My eldest daughter and I stayed up late on weekends, talking and watching movies, after the babies went to bed. The house was spotless. Everything was so efficient.

I am quite capable of parenting, housework, homeschooling, yard work, and simple home repairs. I knew other military wives who really could not function alone, and they had way more help from family, friends, church, and community than I’ve in my entire life. I was a single mom and homeowner for four years. So maybe that’s why it’s no big deal to me to go it alone sometimes. I trust myself.

I can get lazy and rely on my husband too much when he’s available to help. I get expectations. Without having to defend my parenting or having to divide my time between a wife’s role and parent’s role, it was often more peaceful.

I missed most the being able to sleep in an extra half hour or so on Saturday mornings while he made pancakes for the kids. But I also learned how capable my kids could be if given the chance.

Our expectations must change if we are to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. If we see everything as a learning opportunity rather than an inconvenience, it will help us make better memories for our families as we teach our kids what’s most important.

Homecoming

Are we different or special because we’re a military family?

Sometimes.

Is life hard for us because we’re a military family?

Sometimes.

Sure, there is often a lot of stress.

But despite all the negatives we could focus on, we realize how blessed we are to be able to live in different places and experience different cultures and learn so much about the world when other families miss out on that.

My son, our youngest child, told me the other day: “Mama, I love it that we get to move around and live in all these cool places and see the world.”

I just won life.

We got to live in Hawaii, Germany, Texas, Georgia, Utah, Germany, Ohio – and see such amazing sites rather than just the challenges – the stress and negativity that can come with inconveniences, deployments, TDYs, and PCSes.

I want my kids’ memories to be about the great opportunities we get to experience!

Resources:

  • Third Culture Kids 3rd Edition: Growing up among worlds by Ruth E. Van Reken, Michael V. Pollock, David C. Pollock
  • This Is Where You Belong: Finding Home Wherever You Are by Melody Warnick 
  • Almost There: Searching for Home in a Life on the Move by Bekah DiFelice
  • God Strong: The Military Wife’s Spiritual Survival Guide by Sara Horn
  • Tour of Duty: Preparing Our Hearts for Deployment: A Bible Study for Military Wives by Sara Horn
  • Chicken Soup for the Military Wife’s Soul: 101 Stories to Touch the Heart and Rekindle the Spirit by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Charles Preston
  • Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives by Jocelyn Green
  • Faith Deployed…Again: More Daily Encouragement for Military Wives by Jocelyn Green
  • Faith, Hope, Love, & Deployment: 40 Devotions for Military Couples by Heather Gray

You might also like:

  • Celebrating the Holidays During Deployment
  • Reintegration
  • How Deployment Affects Kids
  • When a Parent Travels
  • Military Children and Toxic Stress
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Missing Home at Christmas

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Please see my suggested resources.

December 22, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 4 Comments

So, we moved to Germany in May. I prayed for a simpler life, a life back to basics.

And we’re mostly happy with the results. We’re focusing on what is important.

We’re simplifying and purging our hearts and home.

An Expat Christmas

What I don’t miss about America:

Malls.

I don’t miss any of the shopping. I am so glad I am not inundated with all the commercialism, except on social media. We have enough. We are learning to be content. We order online if we want anything that we can’t find in stores here.

Competition.

We don’t have anyone to impress. We don’t do Elf on the Shelf. We don’t host family or even friends (since we haven’t made any yet and we live in the boonies). We can create holidays and daily traditions that mean something to our family. We can focus on Christ and family and deal with issues that we have buried too long.

Rushing.

We don’t have to go anywhere, be anywhere. We have no responsibilities or events. It’s refreshing. Previous years we had loads of holiday church events, recitals, appointments. The kids actually miss it just a tiny bit, but I am a little relieved at the slower pace.

What I do sorta miss:

Lights.

Electricity is very expensive here. We used to like to drive around and look at decorations during the holidays. There’s not much of that here. The Christmas markets are really tourist targets and the weather isn’t very conducive to our walking around at night to look at Etsy vomit or Made-in-China garbage.

Mail.

It takes Amazon Prime a couple weeks for shipments to arrive to our APO. Our essential oils orders take about three weeks. Personally shipped items are arbitrary: an envelope could take a week and a box several weeks to arrive. And the base post office has weird hours for when I can retrieve parcels. Several items will probably not arrive on time due to lack of planning on my part.

Potatoes.

The taters here just aren’t the same. They’re sweet or something and not the same as Idaho potatoes. They’re great chopped and fried or roasted, but not so great baked and mashed. I never thought something like this would be missed so much.

I do enjoy seeing many festivities on social media of friends and family. It helps me to feel close to you, whether we’ve met IRL or not.

Resources:

  • Watch for the Light: Readings for Advent and Christmas
  • Advent: The Once and Future Coming of Jesus Christ by Fleming Rutledge
  • Low: An Honest Advent Devotional by John Pavlovitz
  • Honest Advent: Awakening to the Wonder of God-with-Us Then, Here, and Now by Scott Erickson
  • Calm Christmas and a Happy New Year: A little book of festive joy by Beth Kempton
  • Have Yourself a Minimalist Christmas: Slow Down, Save Money & Enjoy a More Intentional Holiday by Meg Nordmann
  • Hundred Dollar Holiday: The Case For A More Joyful Christmas by Bill McKibben
  • Unplug the Christmas Machine: A Complete Guide to Putting Love and Joy Back into the Season by Jo Robinson and Jean C Staeheli

Some other posts you might like:

  • Blue Christmas
  • Relationships Over Stuff
  • Hard Candy Christmas
  • How We Had the Best Christmas Ever
  • How to Have a Debt-Free Christmas
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Military Kids are Third Culture Kids

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Please see my suggested resources.

July 23, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

We’re a third culture family.

Our lifestyle is vastly different than the way my husband and I grew up, and certainly different from that of our parents, except my dad’s life as a Navy brat.

My dad doesn’t have too many fond memories of growing up and I’m realizing my gregarious eldest daughter doesn’t enjoy moving around so much either.

We didn’t realize how different our lifestyles had become until I read this book, Third Culture Kids, and started evaluating our transitions since getting married and having a family.

Having grown up in Georgia, and living there for 29 years, my life was pretty stable, as was Liz’s for her first four years (not taking into account all that bustling back and forth to her birth father’s house every two weeks and alternate holidays).

Since then, our life has been a whirlwind of moving all over every few years. My kids’ lives are vastly different than many of their peers’ and even within the homeschool, Christian, military communities, we seem to be the oddballs.

Third Culture Kids

Our family’s most major life events (and stressors):

  1. Aaron and I got married in January 2005.
  2. We moved to San Antonio, in summer 2005.
  3. We were blessed by Victoria’s and Katherine’s arrival. We were a minority there, and our blonde babies were fascinating for many of the Latinos who were in our homeschool groups.
  4. Both Aaron’s parents passed away within a year. It’s been so hard.
  5. We moved to Hawaii, in 2007.
  6. We were blessed by our baby boy, Alexander, joining our family. Again, we were a minority, and my blonde, blue-eyed babies were petted and doted on by many of the Asians and Hawaiians we knew.
  7. We moved to Salt Lake City, Utah, in 2010. There, we were in a religious minority, not being LDS. It was difficult and we didn’t make many friends among homeschoolers or neighbors. We did find an amazing church family. We kinda miss it.
  8. And we recently moved to Germany in summer 2014. Of course, there’s a language and cultural barrier. We’re learning all sorts of new things to cope with living here. So far, we love it! In some ways, we stand out (like when I drive my very American Dodge Caravan), but in other ways, we fit in ok.

As a military family, we must learn to weather the transitions and fit in quickly.

We have different defense mechanisms than other people. We know we don’t have years to make deep friendships. We don’t have houses or backyards with fun building and creative projects that will last for generations.

We have to make memories and can’t be attached to things.

I love how Timothy Keller put it in The Prodigal God: “There seems to be a sense, then, in which we all are like the younger brother. We are all exiles, always longing for home. We are always traveling, never arriving. The houses and families we actually inhabit are only inns along the way, but they aren’t home. Home continues to evade us.”

If this concept is difficult for me sometimes, I know it’s hard on the kids!

To make transitions easier, I try to do something special for the kids to look forward to and help them adjust as quickly as possible.

We try to keep up with the local homeschool scene. We never seem to quite fit in. But I know the kids need playtime with other kids. So I take them to the group field trips and park or gym days. I usually sit in a corner, alone, playing on my phone or reading while the other moms ignore me and chat amongst themselves. They all go to the same Baptist church, so there’s that.

This PCS, I bought the three younger kids new bedding before we left the States {yay for planning ahead!} – (and we bought Alex a whole new big-boy loft bed as soon as we arrived in Germany!).

Alex’s bedding is Monster Trucks, and the comforter is on the floor. Of course. I found it at Target before we moved.

loftbed.jpg

Tori and Kate were so excited when we unpacked and they were anxious to get their beds made, all pretty and new.

I found their bedding at Bed, Bath, and Beyond before we moved.

It’s perfect and my girls’ favorite colors – teal and green.

MixMatchGirlsRoom.png

For my teen, Elizabeth, we got her connected right away with the Civil Air Patrol squadron here. (If you have a child interested, message me for her CAP # so she gets recruiter credit!)

They were super impressed that she packed all her uniforms and books. She had an FTX after we packed out, so she didn’t have much choice. She’s showing her true colors as a natural leader, promoting in rank and being a flight NCO. She’s looking forward to her second encampment.

We also had Liz check out the chapel youth activities while we stayed in TLF, but since we moved into our house, it hasn’t been convenient to drive her on base right at dinnertime on Tuesday evenings.

She’s loving the local community drama team and will perform in the play KinderTransport!

I realize the importance of keeping my social butterfly connected with positive social outlets.

As a family, we started attended the traditional church service at the base chapel. Our first Sunday, we started walking there (it was on the other side of base!) and we got offered a ride by a chaplain who saw us. That’s real Christian living, folks.

So far, the service is just ok and we understand that summer is the transition time for most military, so we await a new chaplain to see if we like the services more. Not sure what to do if we don’t…there’s always the liturgical service at 0900, if we can get up and get there.

There aren’t too many choices for English-speaking church services around here. Lots of Baptist, Pentecostal, and non-denominational churches that don’t appeal to us one bit (no offense to those of you who attend those kinds of churches, but to each his own). One Lutheran and one PCA. We haven’t been super successful maintaining a consistent church experience. Living all over makes it especially difficult for fringe denominations and non-Christians.

Church “shopping” is no fun at all.

I am so thankful that my kids get to grow up living, learning, and knowing different cities, states, countries, and cultures.

We are so blessed with getting to live in many different places and being able to travel and have so many unique experiences.

I look forward to seeing the adults my children grow up to be.

The world is a much smaller place for them than it was for me as a kid and young adult.

Nowhere is our home when everywhere is.

Resources:

  • Third Culture Kids 3rd Edition: Growing up among worlds by Ruth E. Van Reken, Michael V. Pollock, David C. Pollock
  • This Is Where You Belong: Finding Home Wherever You Are by Melody Warnick 
  • Almost There: Searching for Home in a Life on the Move by Bekah DiFelice
  • God Strong: The Military Wife’s Spiritual Survival Guide by Sara Horn
  • Tour of Duty: Preparing Our Hearts for Deployment: A Bible Study for Military Wives by Sara Horn
  • Chicken Soup for the Military Wife’s Soul: 101 Stories to Touch the Heart and Rekindle the Spirit by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Charles Preston
  • Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives by Jocelyn Green
  • Faith Deployed…Again: More Daily Encouragement for Military Wives by Jocelyn Green
  • Faith, Hope, Love, & Deployment: 40 Devotions for Military Couples by Heather Gray
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Chance of a Lifetime: Living in Germany

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

May 27, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 7 Comments

Wondering what we’ve been up to?

You seriously need to follow me on social media if you don’t know we’ve been in the process of moving to Germany.

We arrived at last week.

Here are our adventures moving to Germany…

I had some creative packing and planning to do these last couple months, beginning in mid-April.

Traveling with pets is not cheap or fun, but they’re part of our family. We flew the cats out to my parents so we could pack up and not have to worry about them with the movers there. There was no way they were traveling in the van with us and meowing the whole way!

We stayed in TLF at Hill AFB for a couple weeks until my husband was released from base.

We road-tripped from Utah to Georgia in a very cramped minivan.

We stayed a couple weeks with my parents. I think they were tired of us after a week.

We flew from Atlanta to Baltimore to Germany with two cats and four kids, nine suitcases and twelve carryons.

We’re now in TLF in Germany until we can move into our house. Our cats are staying with one of my husband’s co-workers until we can get settled. They didn’t have anymore room at the pet TLF.

The cats were the most expensive part of our move.

We had vet fees – twice for each cat – to receive travel certificates. One set of travel certificates for the plane ride from Utah to Georgia and another set of travel certificates, certified by the USDA ($76!), for travel from Atlanta to Baltimore to Germany. We had to pay for their plane tickets to Atlanta and then to Baltimore and then to Germany. We had to pay fees (about  for their entrance into Germany. Altogether, the fees totaled out at about $1500!

Last week?

We flew out of Atlanta mid-morning and spent the afternoon in Baltimore. The USO at BWI was rather disappointing. We flew out about 5:30 PM. We arrived in Germany about 7:30 AM.

Aaron’s sponsor and co-worker met us and helped us store our luggage and get checked in to TLF. We ate a quick breakfast (at JR Rockers – yuck!) and even looked at a German house that was adorable but way too small. He then took us by the commissary for some supplies. He picked up Aaron the next couple days to drop him off at his in-processing appointments.

That’s kinda the last we saw of sponsors.

The kids and I walked around the base to get familiar with the library and BX. We could only bring back what we could carry. Apparently, we can carry quite a lot.

I attended an OSC welcome breakfast and had brunch at a darling coffeeshop and met a new friend. She took me to a German grocery store, Globus, that will sure become a favorite shopping place.

For Memorial Day weekend, we were gonna be stuck indoors with rainy weather, no transportation, and nothing to do.

So we rented a neato Audi wagon and found a house in a picturesque village. It’s perfect and we’re excited.

Chance of a Lifetime

On Monday, we opened a local checking account, ran some errands, had an amazing German lunch (in the BX no less!), and I was pretty exhausted by afternoon.

German Meal

Memorial Day has special meaning here in Europe.

If we had a car and I had planned better, we would have gone to see some of the events for Memorial Day.

We are tired of cooking our meals in our little TLF apartment with two pans. We are tired of being in a cramped space not our own. The kids are acting out from not having chores or a regular schedule.

You know your kids are getting spoiled when the boy asks: “When is the maid coming?”

And, yes, I do make my kids make their beds and keep their space clean, even in TLF.

We are so thankful to live here and experience a different culture and it’s coming together as only God could orchestrate.

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Filed Under: Military Tagged With: Germany, military, milkid, PCS, TCK, TLF

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