Jennifer Lambert

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How To Make Your Move Less Stressful

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July 9, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

Anyone who has been through a move knows it can be a stressful experience. Whether it’s local or long distance, it involves hours of packing, labeling and organizing, and that doesn’t include the unpacking part.

The following steps can help you stay organized throughout the process and make it as efficient as possible.

1. Contact a Moving Company

Regardless of how many friends you think you have, you still need to contact a moving company. They are experts in packing fragile items, as well as making sure your furniture gets to its destination in one piece. Often, people make the mistake of thinking items aren’t fragile because they aren’t glass or expensive. However, many possessions have the potential to be damaged in a move, so it’s important to get a company you trust.  If checking local moving companies Hillsborough County FL, for example, look at online reviews. You should also check their rating with the Better Business Bureau.

2. Get Rid of Unnecessary Items

Obviously, a move will be easier if you have fewer boxes to bring to the new home. Take a long look at heavy items, such as furniture. Decide whether it will fit well into the new space, both in terms of size and décor. There has also never been a better time to sort through closets and books to decide what can be sold or donated. People often take advantage of their move to host a garage sale and raise money for new furnishings for the new home.

3. Label Everything

Before taping up any boxes, put specific labels on the outside. Make sure the labels include the items as well as the room destination in the new house. Don’t skimp on the amount and type of tape, as this can be the reason boxes open and items break along the way.

I also store small items in plastic bins to make things easier on everyone. I like organization and since we move every few years, it protects my items.

4. Storage

Another key point to consider is moving time. Will the new home be available right away, or do you need storage? If your belongings need to be stored for a period of time, it’s essential to find a moving company that handles storage as well. This way, you won’t have to deal with multiple moves or several different companies.

5. Unpacking

Label rooms with sticky notes on door frames to help movers place the correct furniture and boxes. It helps to have one responsible person helping to watch the unload and another to guide placement of items.

We often unpack kitchen items first. Setting up beds is super important.

Take note immediately of any damages to report and the procedure for reimbursement or replacement.

Moving can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be a bad experience.

A competent and professional moving company, particularly one that offers storage as well, will make it a much easier experience and be able to walk you through the entire process. Make sure to declutter and be organized with labels, and you’ll soon be happy in your new home.

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Filed Under: Military Tagged With: military, milspouse, PCS, stress

Military Children and Toxic Stress

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October 13, 2018 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

This post is done in partnership with Stress Health, an initiative of the Center for Youth Wellness, but the opinions expressed are my own.

For military children, toxic stress can be an ongoing threat.

I know there have been seasons when we’ve been under extreme stress, and I’ve done all I can to alleviate it to keep our family on an even keel. Sometimes, it’s just so hard.

Life comes at us fast. Marriage, babies, elderly parents with illness or death, moving around a lot — sometimes on short notice or being deployed overseas, losing jobs and career as I follow my husband.

It seems that we’ve done it all.

Some years, we test really high on the stress index. It’s been a roller coaster of fifteen years and counting.

You can take this ACE quiz to find out if you experienced the kind of childhood adversity that predisposes you to toxic stress.

Helpful: Hamilton Anxiety Rating Scale for ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences)

We are fortunate to have four very resilient kids.

Children may be at special risk from the stress of military life.

Living with high stress almost all the time can mirror symptoms of ADHD and PTSD (post-traumatic syndrome disorder). Behavioral and emotional issues can arise from living in perpetual flight or fight mode. It feels like constant anxiety.

Stress that Affects Military Families:

Permanent Change of Station orders (PCS)

Military life involves moving frequently. Moving is always stressful, even if it’s desired and exciting. There’s just so much to do.

Kids can get lost in the shuffle of organizing and packing, traveling and unpacking.

Taking some time to comfort and explain the moving process to kids helps them to work through their emotions. There’s a lot involved in preparing for a PCS. We each process our grief in different ways when leaving a new place and starting over.

We like to give our kids little jobs to help them own the process and feel more in control during this tumultuous time.

We purge our household goods every few years before each move and have the kids help, sorting through things they’ve outgrown. They can label their toys and choose which ones to take in their backpacks. They can put personalized stickers on their room’s boxes to easily recognize them for unloading and unpacking. They get to arrange and decorate their rooms in the new house.

Deployment

Having a parent leave for months at a time is stressful on a family.

It can be dangerous for the deployed spouse, depending on his job and location.

Communication is often sporadic – and never seems available when we need it.

Anything that can go wrong seems to go wrong during deployment – injury, illness, flood, cats dying, car trouble.

Helping kids through this difficult time is a priority.

We gave our young kids pillows with pictures of Dad during our first deployment. He recorded a little book that they looked at and listened to often.

The time difference is always an issue. We have a clock labeled with the time where Dad is located. We have a countdown calendar that I printed for our youngest to mark off each day that Dad is away.

The kids each have their own iPad minis, and they often message or video-chat with Dad now that they’re older.

It’s hard to balance events of home life when I’m basically acting as a single mom to four kids. They rely on me and each other, and there’s no one to help.

Sometimes, it’s lonely and a struggle. Weekends and holidays just suck.

Homecoming is also stressful.

The expectations just don’t match the reality.

We’re not really into posters and balloons and warm fuzzy videos.

We do get to meet him at the airplane gate: That’s a perk. He’s tired and greasy from maybe 24 hours or more of travel. We’re excited but feel trepidation for the reintegration process.

I feel that any joyful moments are stolen from us when commanders and coworkers arrive at the airport baggage claim to welcome him home. There’s no privacy. I hate feeling like all eyes are on me, observing my reactions too closely. We probably don’t look or feel happy enough. We’re all running on adrenaline.

At that point, we just stand aside, uncomfortable and awkward as the military members surround him to share their understanding of the deployment.

We feel lost and forgotten.

It can take weeks to get back to a routine and used to each other again. The kids don’t know whether to smother him or ignore him. Life has gone on for months in his absence.  The kids and I have all shared it, and we have our little memories and private jokes.

Friendships

Maintaining close friendships is difficult with military life.

We’ve learned to jump in and try to meet people as soon as we arrive at a new location. We don’t have time to waste when we’re at a base for only two to four years.

We are transient, third culture people, and we are too quickly forgotten by friends and acquaintances once we move away.

Many people don’t understand military life and don’t want to invest in a temporary friendship.

It always hurts to be forgotten, and we sometimes build up a wall around our hearts so we’re not hurt. I’m saddened to see this in my kids as they grow up. They’re self-reliant and have few friends.

School and Activities

Kids experience stress with school and activities, and it just compounds when they have to find new ones every few years.

My kids show talent with sports, music, art, and other activities…but it’s hard to find new teachers and coaches every few years.

There’s no continuity.

Church shopping is no fun, either. We’ve all but given up on finding anywhere welcoming.

Retirement

So many unknowns loom during the end of a military career.

Lots of decisions have to be made in a short time period.

When the kids are still young and living at home, we want to include them and their needs in the process of retirement. We want them to feel safe, comfortable, and happy with where we choose to retire and settle down.

When nowhere and everywhere is home, finding somewhere to settle for good is just scary.

Military life has its benefits. We are perhaps more thankful for our freedoms and don’t take them for granted. The stresses we experience as a military family are just our life.

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Filed Under: Military Tagged With: mental health, military, milkid, milspouse, stress

Stress in the Military

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March 25, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

We’re often a minority in our community since we are a military family. Many people we know don’t understand our lifestyle, our benefits, the occasional drawbacks, the stress.

How to handle the stress of military life when no one seems to understand…and suggestions to help a military family.

This is all that matters. This makes it all worth it. We count it all a privilege.

As a military daughter, at least I knew what I was getting into when I married my husband. My grandfather was retired Navy and my dad is retired Army (hooah!), and I’ve never known a time I couldn’t pass the gates of a military installation or shop at a BX/PX or commissary. Service members in uniform are normal for me. Acronyms were regular vocabulary in my house when I was growing up. It was a normal lifestyle for me. Vacations centered around visiting battlefields and history museums. I don’t regret any of it.

My husband is a lab officer in the Air Force. It’s not much different for me than when I grew up with my dad being a Chief Warrant Officer in the Army. Being an officer’s wife has its ups and downs. I think too many wives wear their husband’s rank. They think they deserve the same privileges their husbands earned. So sad. I’ve had to separate myself a lot from base life and focus on my family. Perhaps at some point, I can feel it’s appropriate to participate in spouse groups or PWOC, but it’s not a priority right now.

There’s a lot of stress in military life.

Some don’t realize the strict (and often arbitrary) weight and physical fitness requirements in the military. My father was forced into early retirement over it. Both my dad and my husband are big guys. The military doesn’t take into account body type. A skinny ectomorph has the same standards to meet as a stocky endomorph. My husband stresses over the PT tests…diet and exercise haven’t always come naturally to him. Recently, he changed his lifestyle to embrace Whole30 and he lost 30 pounds in a couple months! He goes to the gym at least four mornings a week, so he’s in bed by 9 PM. We’re continuing as a family to embrace a whole and clean foods diet and we use essential oils for health and well-being. We’re on no medications at all anymore! Aaron still stresses over excelling in his run, sit-ups, and push-ups, but it’s easier now. And he looks so much better and more professional in his uniform now. I’m so proud of him!

Of course, there’s the whole issue of moving around. We PCS or move to a different base every 2-4 years. We’ve gotten the feeling that some folks don’t want to make an effort to be friends since they know we’ll leave in a while. Moving is a hard time on the kids and cats especially. The packers come and the movers take our stuff. We travel to our new location and wait for our stuff. We cite a claim for the broken or missing items. We’re anxious about our move next year, not knowing where we might go and knowing we will miss our friends here so terribly much. We’ve never felt so much a part of community as we have in our current location. We could come back here for sure! Each location is an adventure. We trust God for all the details.

We’ve been lucky in that my husband has only experienced one deployment in his career so far. He served in Afghanistan two years ago. As a medical officer, he saw some horrible things, but he was probably safer in the hospital than most out in the field. We are proud to help our world be a safer place in this way. We gladly sacrifice our comforts and time together to help others have a home where they can feel safe too

The kids did surprisingly well during the seven long months of having Daddy away on the other side of the world. We at least got to email and Skype frequently. We sent occasional care packages with the items he requested – peanut butter, hot sauce, spices, and a few toiletries. Tori had the hardest time and didn’t want to go to bed. Often, it was easier to let her sleep with me than fight it. There was the constant worry hanging in the air and I did my best to comfort, pray with each child, encourage, distract. The kids were granted pillows with Dad’s picture from an organization on base. They slept with it at night. It was a cold comfort.

The hardest part of deployment for me was that, because we homeschool, I had no break from the house or kids – for seven months, seven days a week. The few people who offered to help didn’t really ask me what I needed, but offered to shovel my snowy driveway, or wanted to come to my house and watch my kids so I could go out (and I had nowhere to go). I would have preferred they offer to take my kids to the park for an hour or out for ice cream so they had a break from me.

Liz was a strong big sister who helped me so much when I was tired or overwhelmed.

Some people say they don’t know how I do it. They say they couldn’t. I say: it’s our life. We chose this. We live it. It’s everyday for us. We’re thankful. We’re grateful for the opportunities our family experiences. It makes us stronger. It shows us we need God, to rely on Him for our strength in times of stress.

We get to teach our kids a greater respect for our country and to pray for our leaders, our government, our military, others around the world…it is our honor and privilege.

My house is moving more and more toward a state of absolute chaos.

It takes extra effort to handle stress during a military move.

We move out of the country next month. My husband works for the United States Air Force and we get to PCS (Permanent Change of Station) again. We’re all both excited and nervous to be moving to a foreign country.

My canisters that held flour, sugar, and cornmeal are washed and sitting on my kitchen desk, amidst art supplies and empty canning jars. One side of our garage is being used to store items for our garage sale next week. Our music room holds stacks of books, china, and keepsakes that we’re putting into storage. The playroom is no more as the toys are delegated to bedrooms for packing.

Our schoolroom has a pile for our yard sale and a pile for storage. I struggle to reign in the children as they scatter items and confuse my piles! My desk is a mess – with papers, books, reviews, and checklists that must be completed by this date or that.

I dread going through the cellar and sorting holiday items and my husband’s military stuff.

My son is most upset by the schedule disruptions, selling our truck, organizing, preparation for our yard sale, and all the various preparations we make every time we move. He was only a couple months old last time, so he has nothing to base this on. He doesn’t know what moving is. He cries that he simply cannot part with this boardbook or that toy.

I’m trying to homeschool as much as I can to keep a sense of normality to our schedules. The girls are finishing up curriculum.

I’m just. so. tired – ready to be done with the whole process this year. Ready for change. Ready to fast-forward and have all the stress done and be in Germany, ready to begin a new life.

Every few years, we start over.

New base, new town, new church, new schedule, new rhythm. While it’s very exciting, it can be a little disconcerting for introverts. It takes me longer than some to get comfortable, to grow to know people well. I joke with my husband that by the end of a tour, I’m finally reaching a comfort zone and then we’re wrenched away before it’s actually within my grasp.

Isn’t God like that? He seems to like to keep us out of our comfort zones. He wants us to fully depend on Him.

We’ve learned so much about what it is to fully rely on God during our moves all over the country and now out of the USA.

This time, we’ve actively prayed as a family for our PCS process from the very beginning this year, from little bitty things to the bigger things. God cares about it all! So far, it’s gone amazingly smoothly and it’s drawn us closer to each other and to God. All the people who process our information and paperwork have been kind and helpful. Dates work out well. Travel plans are convenient.

But there’s still stress. I feel so much is out of my control and it pains me. I try to maintain our meal plans, especially with clearing the freezer and pantry! I use essential oils to stay balanced. We take supplements and exercise to help us stay healthy and it helps when life’s ups and downs cause excess stress.

I can reduce clutter. Stress is still there if I don’t pray through this transition.

I know God is in control.

Evenings are spent discussing Germany, learning the language on apps, and imagining all the yummy food we’ll try and fun places we’ll see.

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