I see so many questions about homeschooling and parenting. In the absence of a village, parents flock to Facebook to crowdsource answers. Those answers are often based on experience. They’re not always the best answers nor do they work for everyone.
I find the easiest and best answer to most parenting and homeschooling questions, whether about behavior issues or scheduling or feeling just worn out from the endless chatter and noise of a houseful of young children is to create a peaceful home atmosphere.
But how does one do that? What does it look like?
When I had my third child, I was worn out. I couldn’t understand why I never felt like I could complete a day without lots of caffeine and needed to nap when my toddler and baby did in the early afternoon, praying my older child just read or played quietly in her room.
I was homeschooling. I was keeping a spotless home. I was doing, doing, doing.
I was exhausted and miserable. I hated myself. I hated my husband. I even hated my kids.
I felt like a failure.
I knew it wasn’t right. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t place my finger on it nor could I pull myself out of it.
I asked my pastor’s wife for a meeting and she arrived at my home where I had cleaned and stressed over providing her homemade lemonade and fresh-baked cookies.
While I expected to be pointed to Bible verses about the Proverbs 31 women, she asked some practical questions. When were we eating dinner? When was bedtime? Why were the kids’ things all hidden away from the public rooms?
I also went to a doctor to rule out physical issues. I was put on a supplement regimen for adrenal failure.
Then I implemented a new peaceful lifestyle.
It took years to get comfortable with who I am and how I live and what my priorities and preferences are.
I shouldn’t have to make excuses for my priorities. I try to be patient with people who aren’t where I am in the spiritual journey.
This is a key to happiness.
How to Create a Peaceful Home:
Self.
Understand your past, your story – and know your triggers. Deal with it.
If you’re anxious or tired or ill, make the necessary changes to heal yourself.
If you’ve suffered some traumatic experience, get professional help to work through it.
Nurture yourself. Pray or meditate, get outside, exercise, eat well.
Deal with finances. Do your best to get out of debt.
Work through any idols or addictions.
Legalism is the opposite of peace. Set goals and priorities but don’t worry about so many rules and regulations.
Realize that we go through cycles and seasons, just like nature.
Space.
Remove clutter. Feng shui ideas really do help remove anxiety.
Go minimalist. If you have to buy something to put somethings in, you have too much stuff.
Soothing color scheme. My house is decorated in all blues and greens, because these are my favorite colors, but they’re also calming.
Aromatherapy and music. We have diffusers in every rooms with essential oils. We often listen to music while making and eating meals.
Practice hygge.
Have tech-free time to connect.
Spouse.
(or significant other or pet or whatever)
Practice nonviolent communication.
Argue intelligently, calmly, and lovingly. You don’t have to hide conflict from your children. They need to learn healthy resolution.
Learn how to really apologize.
Be constant students of each other.
Don’t make excuses to be complacent. Don’t get lazy. Those are causes of adultery and midlife crises.
Yeah, most days are boring and tedious. It’s not all romance and over-the-top. Duty outweighs everything else.
Children.
Model self-control.
Coach on healthy relationships.
Don’t force sharing.
Don’t punish, bribe, or reward. Gently guide and communicate well.
Spanking is abuse. Never, ever hit a child.
Allow for lots of unstructured play time and go outdoors every day.
Maybe you grew up in a household with strife and you don’t really have a relationship with your siblings.
Don’t let your kids make those same mistakes.
Most days are ordinary. They don’t have to be drenched in negativity. Find the extraordinary in the tiniest of things.
Service.
Focus on others first.
But don’t neglect yourself.
We need to teach our kids empathy and kindness. We do that by modeling it.
Do your part to make the world a better place. It may be charity work, recycling, cycling or walking instead of driving, cleaning a creek, planting a garden, whatever.
