Parenting Shift

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

February 11, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 4 Comments

I decided to shift my parenting.

I want to reward my children for heart discipline rather than performance.

I’ve spent my entire life running from performance-based expectations and it creeps into my parenting despite my best efforts. Palms sweaty, heart pounding, splotchy chest being the norm of my exhausting life of what did I forget now and why didn’t I do better?

I want to model for them Christian maturity and growth. I want to practice Ephesians 4 and live it out in front of my children.

so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Ephesians 4:14

I want my babies to have a firm foundation, to not be like leaves on the wind.

Of course, I want my children to obey and complete their chores and school work, I desire they exhibit the fruit of the Spirit more.

What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Matthew 8:36

So I want to focus on heart training more and see if the rest follows.

So what if Liz didn’t do the dishes to my standards? But she shared so sweetly that last brownie with her brother. I know she’s a leader in the making.

So what if Tori left her shoes on the steps? Again. But she dusted the entire house cheerfully without being asked. And she’s got the most generous spirit.

So what if Kate’s desk is a mess, as usual? But she was polite and courteous to her sisters. And she always makes me laugh, that one does.

So what if Alex didn’t complete his school pages? (He’s only in preschool.) But he cuddled up to me when he knew I was feeling bad. He has the most gentle heart.

When left to their own devices, my children delight and amaze me with their love, generosity, and kindness.

I want to help my kids succeed and the majority of that is that I want them to be leaders who think outside the box and always do their best, not mindless robots who regurgitate information and simply work to meet deadlines. I want them to strive for excellence, not perfection, and certainly never “just good enough.”

These are my babies and I can rush them through childhood, impatient with tears, frustrated with messes, exasperated with their pointless chatter, missing the point.

Or I can stop and really look at them, listen to their banter, take more time over hugs, share their prayers and dreams. Enjoy a pot of tea and stare into their deep blue pools of wonder while discussing poetry and music.

So, I say YES to when they want to play baseball out in the snow with snowballs and shovels.

I say YES when they want to go cheer up our elderly neighbor.

I say YES when they ask for ice cream.

I say YES when they ask to watch a DVD with me, all nestled together so nary a crumb can fall between us.

Even if things are left undone.

Because it’s not just about being a hands-free mama or an artistic mama or an intentional mama.

I need to be a Kingdom-minded mama. I long to be a yes mama.

It’s their hearts that matter.

Relationships matter.

The books and papers and tests will still be there.

The chores won’t go away. They will never go away. I will never catch up.

What do I want their childhood memories to be?

I am guiding my children’s memories and I want to actively create good recollections. I don’t want to rush through life willy nilly and leave their memories and experiences to chance.

Do I want them to look back and get all sweaty and anxious and hearts racing at the memory of how stressed out their mama always was about deadlines and messes?

No.

I want them to remember the fun times when we played board games in front of the roaring fireplace with snow pouring down outside or jumped in mud puddles or made bubbles and used pipe cleaners to blow them on the deck in our pajamas on a cold morning. I want them to remember science experiments gone wrong but we learned and making lotion and soaps that were all our own, poured out love and essential oils. I want them to remember the lazy mornings, sitting on the deck with me in the rocking chair and waiting for the hummingbirds to zoom close, chittering their calls of nectar possession.

I want them to remember love.

Linking up:

Pin2

2 Shares

You might also like:

5 Days of Homeschooling Essentials {Day 5: Let Go}

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

January 24, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 4 Comments

Sure, we need to plan.

We need to know ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses.

We need to know our enemy.

We need supplies.

And sometimes we need to let go.

We live our lives so tight-fisted that it cramps our fingers to open them. To stand palms open is uncomfortable for us. We want to grasp, hold tight.

I never know what to do with my hands. It’s awkward.

It’s in my nature to be a control freak. I began homeschooling to have control over what my daughter learned and how. It’s against my very grain to relinquish control to a tutor for outside lessons. She’s had a few piano teachers because music isn’t my thing. But I realize that my kids need to learn from others too. Many people have lessons I can’t teach and God will bring lovely people into their lives to help them learn in ways I can’t understand.

I want my kids to learn to be independent. Isn’t that success? Adulthood? But I also want them to know I’m always here, waiting, watching, praying. With open hands.

And, mamas, as those babies grow up and out, remember what you poured in, and let go.

Let go.

A little at a time.

Let those birdies fly.

They will flutter back and forth to the safety of the nest, and then try, try again, swooping and scraping. But eventually, they will soar.

And it’s in those proud mama moments when we listen to that quiet whisper of God’s reassurance that our babies will be alright and they are! They really are! He holds them in His palm, loosely. And we can always be right here, waiting for those triumphant returns to the nest to share in the joys and sorrows.

It’s a huge responsibility to help create a child’s memories. Be intentional and present for your babes. Don’t wait. Do it now. All that other stuff can wait.

The whole series:

Day 1: Planning

Day 2: Know Yourself

Day 3: Know Your Enemy

Day 4: Supplies

Day 5: Let Go

Pin1

1 Shares

You might also like:

31 Days of Servant Leadership: Respectful Parenting Resources

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

October 29, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

Disciple your kids. If you don’t train them, the world will.

“Go figure out what this Scripture means: ‘I’m after mercy, not religion.’ I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders.’” Matthew 9:13 The Message

Check out my Parenting Pinterest board:

Follow Jennifer Lambert (Royal Little Lambs)’s board Parenting on Pinterest.

0 Shares

You might also like:

31 Days of Servant Leadership: Resources for Girls

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

October 19, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 2 Comments

Girls can and should be leaders.

In our brave, new world, girls are more natural leaders compared to a generation ago.

While many disdain females in leadership and I will not discuss doctrinal issues, I think girls can and should be taught how to be leaders in their marriage, with their children, and with their peers.

As a mom to three girls, I encourage them to show wise leadership. I teach them how and when to best use their talents in ministry and social atmospheres.

Check out my Girls Pinterest Board for resources:

Follow Jennifer Lambert (Royal Little Lambs)’s board Girls on Pinterest.

These are some of my favorite books about parenting girls.

0 Shares

You might also like:

31 Days of Servant Leadership: Marriage and Parenting Resources

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

October 17, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

Check out leadership resources for parents.

We need to be leaders in our homes to model leadership for our children.

Servant leadership begins in our own hearts. We need to learn how to be successful in our marriage. We need to determine our worldview. We need to evaluate our methods of teaching and raising children. So many decisions! But they must be considered and constantly reexamined for successful Christian families.

Here’s my Parenting Pin Board:

0 Shares

You might also like:

31 Days of Servant Leadership: Lovely

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

October 16, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

What is lovely?

According to The Free Dictionary, lovely means:

1. Full of love; loving.

2. Inspiring love or affection.

3. Having beauty that appeals to the emotions as well as to the eye.

4. Enjoyable; delightful.

When we say something is lovely, it’s positive. But is it worldly?

To use the term lovely as meant in Philippians 4:8, I think that it must “inspire affection” for a Kingdom cause.

We can call many natural phenomena lovely. I love to worship God through Nature. A waterfall is lovely. A butterfly. A flower. A laughing child.

Humanists and even many Christians tell us that we’re all lovely. But I don’t like the imagery they create with their pep talks. Their universal consciousness makes me uncomfortable. Their admonition that we all just need to search for the beauty within make me wonder. Their particular shade of justification deceives and pulls in many doubters and offers a safe haven that isn’t truth.

In Romans 3:10, it tells us that none of us is good.

This is a difficult concept for Christians and non-Christians. No one wants to be told she isn’t good. No one wants to be told she is ugly. How do you approach non-believers with this concept?

But all loveliness and goodness in us is because of Christ. See Mark 10:18 and Luke 18:19.

How lovely is your dwelling place,
Lord Almighty! Psalm 84:1

Aren’t we all dwelling places for the Holy Spirit?

Therefore, we should take care of these temples as best we can in order to do the work we are called to do. But that’s another post for another day.

0 Shares

You might also like:

31 Days of Servant Leadership: Fear

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

October 14, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 2 Comments

Tonight is the last night I prayed with and tucked in my eldest daughter as a mere twelve-year-old.

In the morning, as you’re reading this, our household will possess its first teenager.

My terror is not of the adolescent myth, but of all I the damage I have wrought. I pray that it can be redeemed in the few short years I have left of her youth, before she leaves home for her own way.

We all have mother guilt, but most of that is unfounded. For me, much of it is truth.

Children don’t raise themselves to be leaders.

I was certainly not a servant leader…until recently. It’s always a process.

As a mother, I have been irresponsible, neglectful, abusive. It saddens me to admit it. Leaving her father was as much an act of pride as fear.

Fear of who she would grow up to be with that sort of a father.

For thirteen years, I have lived in fear…of her becoming like me.

What holds us back more than anything is fear.

We fear and call it love.

We fear and call it protection.

We fear and call it education.

But it’s still fear.

Fear is most often just projected hurt and anger.

To raise servant leaders, we must trust in Jesus to help us overcome those fears. To enable us to be who He means us to be. To allow our children to be who He intends them to be.

Fear keeps me from loving completely, unabashedly, unapologetically.

Fear is a learned helplessness, of never knowing when or where the pain will appear, so it’s easier to remain in stasis, shielded by a translucent wall rather than unprepared, pink and raw.

Happiest is when that wall comes crashing down in blinks and sighs, during awe-struck, out-of-body glimpses of these blundering souls God has lent me, when responsibility forgets to tear my heart and the dishes and laundry are forgotten.

I grasp desperately for those magical moments to last, but the world always comes crashing back, jarring me into reality, and in my confusion and fear, the wall comes back up.

But real truth lies hidden in the magic.

What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? Luke 9:25 The Message

By losing ourselves, we gain Christ, and by gaining Christ, we learn who we really are. It’s a scary process and we take one step forward, two steps back – our whole lives, it seems – dancing to and fro, like a skittish puppy who doesn’t quite trust.

Aaron refuses to dance with me because I don’t trust him enough to let him lead. I am so afraid of losing balance or looking like a fool.

In the dancing, it’s how we learn. We must learn to trust Him to lead. We must trust that in our stumbles, even our falls, our missteps, He will lead us true, protect us, and redeem our mistakes work out.

He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:28

We may never make it to Dancing With the Stars, but we can overcome that fear of the music and learn to dance simply, in our way, with our own flow and flourish.

0 Shares

You might also like:

31 Days of Servant Leadership: Leaders Listen

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

October 4, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 2 Comments

I am not an aural learner and if I listen to something, I do better if I’m able to read along or see visuals to help understanding.

We all have a fundamental need to be heard.

Leaders listen.

Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak… James 1:19b

This. why I’m writing this post at 9 PM the night before it’s due.

Alex demanded for about half an hour for me to lay with him and watch a show on the iPad. So, I rushed through helping Tori organize her cold weather clothes in her drawers so I could oblige.

He snuggles up and lays his head on my squishy tummy. He strokes the back of my hand. Then he pinches my knuckle, which means I’m supposed to rub his back. He puckers up for a kiss, all while watching his show on the iPad.

I realize that these moments are fleeting.

While I formulate in my mind what I need to write, review, plan, clean, organize…I need to be present with my baby boy.

Right. Now.

That is servant leadership. The dishes can wait. The books and Netflix DVDs on my desk aren’t that important. Social media will not blow up without my being there to share.

After a few minutes, I had two cats and two daughters in the room too. They long to be near. After cleaning up the garden (since it’s due to frost tonight), my husband joined us.

It was beautiful. I felt God smile.

Shouldn’t we long to be close to our Daddy God too? Like our children long to be in our presence, shouldn’t we seek His? And by drawing nearer to Him, we draw our children closer to Him.

I need to set the example for my children. Where I lead, they will follow. Do I want to lead them down a trail of busyness and worthless pursuits? Or do I want to lead them in paths of righteousness?

We have a Siamese cat. She still looks like a kitten after two years. She is darling. When I first acquired her, she was skittish and unfriendly. She didn’t seem to hear well and seldom allowed us to pet her for very long.

For the first 6-9 months, she would wet my bed. My lovely comforter is raggedy and has a hole in a corner from so many washings. We couldn’t figure out her triggers. The litter boxes were spotless. I was diligent with clean water and plenty of food. The vet was no help without catheterizing her since she wouldn’t urinate on command for a sample.

I think she was stressed by the noise of four children and our adult cat. It was a very different environment for her. She is naturally shy and perhaps she wasn’t treated so well before we adopted her. I think she was the runt.

I am ashamed to say that we considered finding a new home for her.

I prayed. For my cat. Yes, I did. I prayed that God would help. That He would give me answers. Selfishly, that He would save my bed comforter.

Then, miraculously, it stopped. Either she outgrew it or suddenly got comfortable in her surroundings or learned to trust us…or God answered my prayer…it just ended. She became a happy, loving, talkative cat. She now seeks us out and demands attention.

Now, how often do we get frustrated with our children’s behaviors? How often do we lash out in anger at our children – simply for acting like kids? Don’t we punish instead of instructing in love, instead of heart training, taking the time to disciple so our children learn The Way instead of The World.

What if we thought of our kids as an ill-trained runt of an animal? But, don’t you sometimes think that way? I’m ashamed that I have.

Do we pray for and with our kids as often as we should? More than the meal time recitations and the bedtime “Now I lay me down to sleeps”?

How often do I push my kids away because I’m “busy” instead of reaching to bring them in close and smell them and show them how much they’re worth to me? I need to show them that they’re worth more than the empty words on a computer screen.

I need to listen.

I need to listen to what they’re really saying. Their words, actions, heartcries for attention. Instead of just hearing defiance in a tone, I need to listen to the hurt in my daughter’s voice that I didn’t fill her love tank in the way that made her feel loved. Instead of reacting to the tantrum my son has, I need to listen to his desire for food or a hug. Instead of hearing the disrespect in my daughters’ flippant comment, I need to listen to their confusion over a math problem or multi-step instruction.

I pray that I listen and not react. I pray that I am present. I pray that my heart is open to their needs and I am a servant to my family. I pray that I disciple them and train their hearts to seek after Jesus despite the crashing cymbals of the world’s temptations and even the compromises of the church.

What do I want them to remember? Do I want Kate to remember that I dropped everything to play Uno with her? Do I want Alex to remember that I dropped everything to see him dance? Do I want Tori to remember that I dropped everything to watch her ride her bike? Do I want Liz to remember that I dropped everything to listen to her read a funny quote from a book she’s reading?

Yes.

I don’t want their memories of childhood to be that their mama sat at a computer day in and day out, too busy to see or listen to them being who God meant them to be.

I want them to look back and remember a mama who was present and fun and prayed and laughed and played games and took time to be silly. A mama who listened.

shhhh. Listen. Do you hear it?

That’s the sound of God smiling.

Children are not cats.

But wouldn’t it be nice if children could be toilet-trained at 6 weeks like kittens are trained to litter boxes? That would sure simplify life!

Tweetables:

We all have a fundamental need to be heard. Leaders listen.

I pray that I disciple them and train their hearts to seek after Jesus despite the crashing cymbals of the world’s temptations and even the compromises of the church.

Don’t we punish instead of instructing in love, instead of heart training, taking the time to disciple so our children learn The Way instead of The World.

0 Shares

You might also like:

31 Days of Servant Leadership: What is Chivalry?

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

October 2, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 6 Comments

Welcome back to 31 Days of Servant Leadership!

What is chivalry?

The word’s first use is from the 14th century. It derived from the French term chevalerie, meaning horse culture. Now, I don’t know about you, but I immediately think of the Dothraki, and that’s not my idea of anything chivalrous. They had rules and customs though. Rather unpleasant ones. Since we’re not in feudal times, in the Middle Ages, most think that chivalry is dead.

Chivalry originally meant courage, training, and service. Over time, it became more refined to mean honor and courtesy, and less martial.

The idea of chivalry brings to mind an ideal. A standard to weight all others.

Chivalry was duty. Three standards: Duty to God. Duty to women. Duty to countrymen and/or fellow Christians.

We have many historians and works of literature to thank that gave us a well-rounded view of what chivalry was and should be. Charlemagne. The Arthurian legends. Leon Gautier. Philip III, the Duke of Burgundy.

In the 14th century, the Duke of Burgundy defined for the Order of the Golden Fleece the knight’s twelve chivalric virtues as ~
faith, charity, justice, sagacity, prudence, temperance, resolution, truth, liberality, diligence, hope and valor.

Isn’t that rather similar to Philippians 4:8?

I found one definition that says “polite, honest, and kind.” I like that one! Don’t we all want our children to be that way? How do we teach our kids to be “polite, honest, and kind”?

We need Jesus.

We need to pray. Constantly, unceasingly, specifically. Who do you want your children to be for Jesus?

Raise your sons to be knights and your daughters to be princesses. We are all royal – princes and princesses of the One True King. Act nobly. {Tweet that!}

Teach them to be strong. Teach them to be polite, honest, and kind. Teach them to love.

It’s easy to be a lazy parent and not be consistent. But if you’re lazy, you can’t get mad at your kids for being children, for having poor manners, for not knowing any better. You have to actively teach them, remind them in love, and guide them by example. Every single day, every single time they do an undesirable behavior. It will pay off.

You can’t be a “do what I say, not what I do” kind of parent. That’s not leadership. {Tweet that!}

This parenting thing. I know. It’s not easy. There are no breaks. It’s a constant erosion of our energy, a wearing down of us spiritually, a tearing of our hearts, a searing of our souls.

We must get our own fill at the Well of Life. We must pray, read our Bibles, ask Jesus for help.

He was the ultimate servant leader.

Are you a servant leader?

You need to be to raise up your children as servant leaders.

Join me as we learn how we can be servant leaders and examples to our children as we follow Jesus and point our families to Him.

0 Shares

You might also like:

What is Servant Leadership?

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

October 1, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 2 Comments

Welcome to the first official day of the 31 Days series. Happy October! There are some amazing series going on. Be sure to check them out!

I’m writing a parenting series about servant leadership. How do we raise our children to be godly leaders in this fallen world?

Subscribe do you can follow along.

Follow along with hashtag #RaisingServantLeaders

When God spoke to me recently – about my family, blog, dreams, and direction…He gave me the idea for this series. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to present it. Then someone mentioned this 31 Day Challenge. Voilà! Amazing how God can work out something so creatively over such a long period of time.

I didn’t realize, eight years ago, that my blog name would be so powerful to me. And, yes, it’s taken that long for me to culminate the vision I had as a teeny tiny seed then. So, be patient. I could never have written then like I can write now. I was in a very different place. And there’s still so much growth. So much forward.

So, what is servant leadership?

Servant

1. a person employed by another, especially to perform domestic duties.

2. a person in the service of another.

3. a person employed by the government: a public servant. (dictionary.com)

Leadership

1. to go before or with to show the way; conduct or escort

2. to conduct by holding and guiding

3. to influence or induce; cause

4. to guide in direction, course, action, opinion, etc.; bring

5. to conduct or bring (water, wire, etc.) in a particular course.

This is the verse I’m standing on. The verse God spoke to me about my children.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ~Philippians 4:8

God didn’t stop there. He also spoke to me at length – about royalty. chivalry. nobility. A theme arose in my heart and mind.

What is noble these days? Is chivalry and courtesy dead?

And so I went back and researched noble and chivalry and compared it to our ideas today. They’re interesting concepts. Not entirely un-Christian, but there’s a fine line with some of it.

Don’t we all walk a fine line? Do we want our children to ever waver to the other side of that line? By raising servant leaders in this world, we must be diligent. We cannot compromise. We must choose to be servants of Christ or followers of the world.

And we must disciple our children. If we don’t, the world will. {Tweet that!}

We must be diligent with training our children the way they should go. Pray for what your family’s goals are. What is your idea of success for your children? And I’m not talking about a corner office or a bunch of letters after his name. For the Kingdom of God. What does that success look like?

Like me, you may focus on what you don’t want for your kids. I know I don’t want them to be promiscuous, experiment with drugs, lack honor or integrity.

Work backwards from your ultimate goal of Kingdom success for your family. How do you get there? We’re going to discuss that this month.

I found a couple relevant posts:

Join me this week as I discuss the Code of Chivalry and compare it to Philippians 4:8.

Pin487

487 Shares

You might also like: