With Christmas coming up quickly, I see lots of posts on social media about gift guides, what my friends’ and acquaintances’ kids want for Christmas, how they’re trying to afford all the expectations of the holidays, and so many other holiday issues.

I used to be one of those moms, struggling not to dig us too much further into debt while providing a magical, “curated perfection,” commercial Christmas for our four kids.

I recently saw this on someone’s social media:

My daughter told me that she has figured out who Santa was: “It’s you, Mom. I know that because we never get what we ask for.”

Ouch.

There’s a problem with that attitude in children. And the problem isn’t with the lie of Santa Claus. It’s with allowing children to believe they’re entitled.

Yes, this is a first world problem. I won’t allow my kids to grow into entitled teens or adults.

I refuse to accept that attitude of entitlement in my children.

I must examine my attitude and entitlement issues before I can start to teach my kids. I need to model the attitude I want them to have.

Eliminating entitlement starts with me.

How we eliminate entitlement:

Education

I want my kids to realize how fortunate they are.

I actively educate them about how the world functions. They have to work to achieve success – financially, personally, and spiritually. It won’t just be handed to them.

When it is age-appropriate, I teach them about privilege. My kids are white, healthy, abled. I don’t want them to be ashamed, but I want them to be humble.

We don’t have any needs go unmet. We have more than enough clothing and food. We have a safe, comfortable house filled with furniture, electronics, modern conveniences – luxuries we often take for granted – compared to so many others in the world, or even around the corner.

We travel often to see how the rest of the world lives. We watch documentaries about history and culture. We read, read, read about history, other cultures, and peoples around the world.

My kids store away bits of knowledge from our travel experiences and lessons about the world and I refer to them over the years as reminders and we look at pictures to help us remember.

I encourage my kids to be self-motivated. We don’t use punishments or rewards.

I want them to understand compassion. We practice the art of apology.

I teach kindness and self-control. We learn about diversity.

These lessons help them to be good citizens of the world.

Temptation

Lead us not into temptation.

It’s sometimes just easier not to know.

We don’t often fall into the comparison trap.

We don’t watch commercials. We didn’t have a TV for years and now we seldom watch live shows. We use Netflix and Amazon for streaming, among some other newer options. That eliminates a lot of temptation through marketing and advertisements.

We don’t subscribe to emails or magazines or catalogs that shove ads and deals in our faces.

We don’t go shopping. We go to grocery stores to get food and when we need something – and that’s about it. We don’t do shopping as entertainment so we often just don’t know what’s available or popular and that makes it easier. It’s getting more difficult not to see the social media ads or influencer posts about items and services.

I shop online (with Rakuten (formerly eBates) for cash back!) or occasionally at the Base eXchange if we need a specific item. I use Amazon for almost everything else. Shipping site to store is my new favorite thing. I can just zoom in and out and it’s often free.

My kids get birthday money from grandparents and can earn money from extra chores or pet sitting and baby sitting.

This solves so much of the entitlement issue for all of us.

Coveting

Thou shalt not covet.

I try to lead by example.

I used to feel like I needed everything my blog mentors recommended on their sites. Those blogger moms are not my friends. They’re trying to make money by recommending products. I don’t know them and they don’t know me nor have my best interests at heart. And they got most of that stuff for free to review and peddle to the masses.

After a couple years and too many “educational toys” and homeschool curricula collecting dust in bins and on shelves, I purged a lot and set better priorities for our home and homeschool. I learned who I am and what was necessary for my kids to learn well and it became easier.

My kids are homeschooled and we don’t participate in a co-op or many classes outside our home, so they often don’t know what other kids have or what’s very popular. We constantly reevaluate this. I don’t want my kids to feel the need to get the newest gadget, but I don’t want them to have nothing fun.

We stopped participating in play groups when my younger kids were preschool age because several moms had very material attitudes that I didn’t appreciate. When the playgroup rotated to their houses, I dreaded walking into their IKEA and Pottery Barn paradise where my kids’ eyes danced at the magazine-photo-shoot-ready playrooms with an overwhelming number of toys in a specially kid-dedicated room. Children ruled those homes.

It made me feel worthless and less-than, a bad parent that I couldn’t afford those things nor did we have the space for it. And I didn’t really want it and all the stress that went with it. And we move every few years, so how could we cope?

When these moms started discussing preschool options for their children, I felt even worse. They turned on me and scoffed about homeschooling. They actually said out loud in front of all the kids they couldn’t wait for the break from their kids when they could throw them into a preschool several mornings per week so they could have freedom. To do what? I wondered.

Even in private Christian preschool, kids talk about toys, clothes, parties, and TV shows! I would have preferred uniforms, even in 4K when my eldest daughter attended, so I didn’t have to talk about fashion with my daughter at that time. I’m glad she only went that one year.

I want to protect my kids from this attitude of coveting what others have. If it means less of a social outlet, so be it.

We just have different priorities.

Minimalism

When something new comes in, something old goes out.

Except books. We have 8ish bookshelves bursting with homeschool material, literature, living books, and favorite reads. (We have purged some lower quality books or outgrown baby books to make room for better ones.)

We periodically do sweeps of the closets and homeschool room and toys to donate or sell – items that are outgrown or no longer used.

My kids are growing and developing their own tastes and preferences. And I couldn’t be prouder of their choices. They are people with opinions.

Liz’s handmedowns aren’t so much to Tori’s tastes, but Akantha usually loves them. So, I honor my sweet Tori by purchasing her clothes that are more to her liking. Shoes aren’t often a good thing to hand down, so we usually purchase new ones so my kids have healthy, pain-free feet as they grow.

I’m generous with purchasing books that we love or aren’t available at our libraries, especially eBooks for the Kindle app on their iPad minis (my parents bought the kids those). eBooks don’t take up any space and work well with our traveling lifestyle!

I feel the need to address why we own iPads since I was called a hypocrite for owning an unnecessary luxury electronic item such as an iPad.

The iPads were gifts from my parents. We graciously accept them and keep them since my children rarely see them. We’re a military family and have lived far away from all family for over 10 years. The iPads come in handy when we move every 2-4 years and when we live out of suitcases in temporary housing for months on end – without our household goods or  school curricula. We have apps to learn languages and review math drills. They each have an email account to keep in touch with friends and family. The games are fun.

As the kids grow, we clear out the toys they played with when they were younger. We clean out the dress-up bin for items that are too small or torn beyond repair. As the kids grow into tweens and teens, we have different toys – Legos, robotics, arts and crafts, science experiments.

I try to keep clutter to a minimum.

If toys and clothing are too overwhelming to put away, there are too many and they should be sorted and purged. I do have regrets from over-purging when my eldest was young. We just didn’t have the storage to rotate and I wish we could have done that rather than selling and donating some of it.

Priorities

It’s all about where our focus is.

We prefer experiences over stuff.

I want my children to grow up to be contented adults.

I don’t want them only striving to work for the next toy – like the latest technological gadget or boat or whatever.

I want them to live full, engaged lives with healthy relationships.

We focus on courtesy, faith, loving and giving to others, learning, and being together.

By being so fortunate, we should seek to give to those in need rather than store up riches for ourselves.

Pickiness

A lot of people probably don’t think this has anything to do with entitlement.

A child turning up his or her nose at a plate of food has everything to do with entitlement (unless there are medical, sensory, or neurodivergent issues.)

I don’t make short order meals for my family. We eat meals together every single day.

I do everything in my power not to contribute to the pickiness.

I try to introduce new foods to my children to expand their palate and knowledge. We travel frequently and I want my kids to be aware of what to expect from different cuisines. I don’t want them to be ignorant eaters. I refuse to allow them to smother foods in ketchup or Ranch dressing. It’s just rude.

I offer colorful and tasty nourishment to my kids three times per day, every day! We eat lots of different ethnic cuisines and fun flavors and combinations.

It takes about seven exposures for a child (or adult!) to make an actual determination of like or dislike.

My children must taste a new food. Often, they love it immediately. Other times, they express, “No, thank you.”

I know what my children prefer (and it’s not chicken nuggets and French fries!). They have opinions, preferences. They are people too. I respect them.

I only offer something new once or maybe twice a week.

Sometimes, I will make a meal that I know a particular child doesn’t like so I make an exception to my rule to prepare leftovers or a plainer version they would rather enjoy. I’m not mean. I know everyone has preferences and I will make concessions.

For example, I’ll make cream cheese-stuffed chicken wrapped in bacon, but I make it three ways: plain chicken wrapped in bacon, and cheese-stuffed with and without bell peppers. It’s technically the same meal, but everyone ends up happy.

I often make several different side dishes so everyone eats a good vegetable. I know my son likes cauliflower and I love carrots and everyone likes broccoli, so I steam a veggie blend for everyone to pick out what they prefer. When we have salad, I provide a minibar of raw vegetables and fruits for everyone to get what they like.

We mostly drink water. We occasionally have juice or natural soda for special occasions and weekly pizza night.

Teens seem to go through phases where they think they want to be vegetarian or vegan. They can pick their foods from the choices at table and make their own proteins. It doesn’t usually last long.

Relationships

I feel that a sense of entitlement also often spills over into relationships.

We’ve had too many run-ins this last year with parents whose children can do no wrong. These families offer no apologies and revert blame onto anyone else. They’re bullies.

I’ve had to confront parents whose kids have physically assaulted mine, lied about it, bragged about it, and experienced no consequences. So, these kids have learned they can get away with horrendous behavior.

And these parents gloss over it:

“Kids will be kids.”

“They’re not responsible for emotional outbursts since they’re just kids.”

“Boys will be boys.”

No.

A human over the age of 12 is certainly responsible for his actions and should know right from wrong. This is about the age that abstract thinking engages. But a human mind isn’t fully developed until age 25.

My kids are not my equals.

They must be respectful in their words and attitudes.

We talk to our kids and model appropriate behavior, including apologizing and forgiving. We teach courtesy, that dying art.

We teach respect when we go out, tipping wait staff generously and being polite to everyone.

Compassion is very important.

Because all relationships matter.

We’re certainly not perfect.

My kids occasionally whine or complain and I know I do too when I don’t get my way. We’re all growing and learning together.

I gently guide my kids to what is right. I teach them what is wrong.

I encourage them to be responsible and make amends for mistakes, apologizing and seeking forgiveness when necessary.

Because we’re raising servant leaders for a better world.

Resources:

• Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross
• Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn
• Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall B. Rosenberg
• Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Lerner

Most of us tend to struggle with contentment.

I constantly purge and organize, reduce and donate. We still have too much stuff.

I’ve noticed when my children quarrel and show irritability more than usual, too much stuff is usually the problem.

The real problem with contentment is too many choices.

When our children are offered too many choices, they just learn discontentment. They learn to want more, more, more.

We live in a wealthy society with more than seven varieties of apples in the grocery store. The self care aisle of the big box store offers numerous brands and styles of toothpaste and shampoo and hair care products.

It’s overwhelming.

We live in a world of discontent with too many choices.

Shopping Choices

Online shopping sites remember our credit card information, making one click shopping a temptation few of us can resist.

Big box stores compete in every town in America. I remember what a huge event it was when Target opened in Honolulu, Hawaii. People camped all weekend long, awaiting the grand opening.

Most cities offer three or more grocery stores so consumers can compare prices, coupons, and discount cards. Weekly sale ads flood our mailboxes and inboxes. Coupon sites and apps are popular with the promise of saving us some money by jumping through certain hoops.

It’s good for me to just stay home and not shop online. For some reason, I spent a couple years feeling I had to buy everything a couple bloggers recommended on their sites. My kids liked some of the items, but others collected dust. It was a comparison trap.

Window shopping is not entertainment for me. I don’t care to go to stores unless I specifically need or want something.

We limit our purchases and we’re much more content.

I keep a running list of items we would like and if I find an amazing deal, I grab it. I have snagged half-price American Girl dolls, brand new! But we do try to limit stuff. We’re rather minimalist.

Food Choices

My son will complain that he is hungry and the next meal may be a couple hours away. I offer him a carrot, banana, or apple. Sometimes, he refuses and sulks. Don’t we all prefer cake or cookies? Usually, he will choose a healthy option.

I plan for sweets sometimes in the afternoons. We bake them together and it’s more special.

I seldom keep junk food items in our pantry. We eat real food, healthy food. We occasionally have treats. I teach my kids to make healthy choices.

At most American family restaurants, menus offer upwards of ten appetizer options, fifteen to twenty choices of meals, and five different desserts. The drink menu is enormous, especially if you count all the colorful cocktails in that sticky booklet between the condiments. The portions are humongous, more calories than two adults should consume during a single day, much less for one meal.

We can retrain ourselves to eat healthier. We can retrain our tastes not to crave sugar. We can choose real food and eat less. We can choose to eat quality – for nutrition and not boredom.

Curriculum Choices

For too many years, I had too much homeschool curriculum.

I just couldn’t say no to reviewing a homeschool item. Something for free? Yes, please! I forced my kids to try so much material and they often really hated the stuff we reviewed.

We went through two years reviewing for a popular homeschool site until I realized I should no longer put my kids through that anymore. Sure, we found a few products we love that we heard about sooner rather than later, but it was unnecessary stress on my family. We struggled and relationships suffered.

We now have what we need and it’s all working well. I continue to purge as the kids get older and no longer use some items.

We have a peaceful homeschool. We flow with the seasons, year-round.

Entertainment Choices

Some people are into sports.

Some love movies.

Some prefer listening to music.

Video games are popular.

Entertainment is good. It’s a great stress reliever. It’s a focus of an active social life. Fun is just not my goal.

There’s nothing wrong with entertainment as long as it’s balanced.

I see entertaiment too often become consuming passions.

Celebrities are idolized. I am not impressed by celebrity, and don’t even get me started about this oxymoron of Christian celebrity.

Western society lives a life for leisure. Many forgo responsibility and become lazy, pursuing worthless pastimes.

Work before play.

Religion Choices

So many voices, proclaiming…well, something that sure sounds welcoming to thousands of Christians.

Conferences with Christian celebrity speakers are super popular, but most of those women on the stage just preach a feel-good message that is watered down and falls so short of anything biblical. They’re great as motivational speakers, but they cross the line when they mention God or quote a Bible verse out of context or proclaim some extra-biblical vision or equate biblical teachings to erotic ecstasy.

Then, there are so many Christian denominations. How does anyone know which to choose? We wasted ten years of our lives just trying to find the right fit for our family. And we have to start over with a new church every 2-4 years when we move.

Should we just not attend church at all?

Choices are all around us. It’s my job to help my family be discerning and ignore all the noise and focus on what is valuable.

Linking up: A Life in Balance, Burlap and Babies, Happy and Blessed Home, The Modest Mom Blog, Raising Homemakers, Gluesticks and Gumdrops, Graced Simplicity, Frog’s Lilypad, Adventures of Mel, Imparting Grace,

My kids are getting older and sometimes it becomes a battle to get them to complete schoolwork and chores…when I want them to.

I see this discussion a lot among parents, especially homeschool families. “How do I get my kids to do this or stop doing that?” Often, I think the parents expect too much or go about things the wrong way, but they don’t really want to hear that.

First, does it really matter?

Sometimes it doesn’t.

Sometimes, it seems there are ridiculous hoops we have to jump through to move on to something more important. I don’t want rebellion.

The older my kids get, the harder it seems to be simply to request a task get done and see them smile and answer, “Yes, Mom!”

Sometimes, negotiation takes place. The teen wants to do it later, always later. She often barters for the iPad or a Netflix show if she does this or that. It’s like when I give myself a chocolate for doing something I didn’t love doing.

My kids are learning “work first, then play” is the best way. It’s an important lesson. I encourage them with budgeting her time.

Often, especially as we get older, we have to do things we don’t want to do and that’s really hard.

Overall, I expect respect from my kids. I expect them to respect me and each other.

But respect is earned. And it’s reciprocal.

By my practicing and modeling respect and kindness, my kids understand that our home is not a battleground.

The key to maturity is intrinsic motivation.

When kids are conditioned to expect candy, stickers, tokens, money, or whatever for doing something, they are only learning to get that reward not to do the thing they should.

When kids are conditioned to expect loud and angry voices, scowling looks of disgust, loss of gifts, timeouts, or even a smack, they learn to avoid punishment and not to do the thing they should.

Let them help in a real way from the time they are toddlers, rather than assuming they need to be otherwise distracted while we do the work.

Parenting is all in. It’s a full-time job. It’s consistency and love, sweat, and tears.

I’ve had to address my triggers and issues and past abuses in order to love my children well.

How I Motivate My Kids:

Prayer

I keep a prayer journal.

The kids and I have prayer time and Bible reading most mornings and evenings. This is a quiet, pleasant time for all of us to be still together.

I have learned that when I stop to pray over frustration, it diffuses the situation and helps us all to reset.

If a child is having an especially difficult time with attitude, a math problem, or anything – stopping, being still, breathing, praying aloud or silently, together, helps give her strength and confidence.

It’s my job to model peace.

Offer the Best Beginning

We begin every day with a hearty breakfast, supplements, and essential oils.

It’s important to feed my kids’ growing bodies and provide good fats, nutritious fruits and vegetables, and whole grains to keep their brains healthy.

I am not a morning person, but I force myself to get up and make a good breakfast for my kids. It’s best for us all and makes a big difference in our overall health.

Also, we still do “circle time” together – praying, Bible reading, and planning our day. Working together to make a plan keeps us all on track throughout the day. It’s respectful to ask for my kids’ input on our schedule and discuss options and nonnegotiable appointments or events. We try to maintain calm in our schedule. I don’t like being busy and rushed or stressed.

Work Together

Many hands make light work.

It’s so much easier to clean a bedroom or do dishes with help. I often assist my kids in chores because I like being with them and it makes the chores go faster. Modeling how to complete chores well helps for next time. I can’t expect them to know how to clean everything without my showing them the tricks and tips.

There are times when a child must clean up alone, but he’s often more willing since I helped last time. I remind him of that and verbally tell him how to break it into chunks so it’s not overwhelming.

I provide pretty baskets and shelves to make everything easier and neater. We are becoming more minimalist so we’re not overwhelmed by clutter.

It’s respectful and kind to help each other and ask for help when necessary.

Model Servant Leadership

As a mom, I am naturally a servant in my home. I do laundry and dishes every day. I pick up after everyone. I clean and tidy and organize.

My attitude models leadership to my kids.

I try not to grumble and complain when I get overwhelmed. I want to encourage a helpful and happy attitude.

I want cheerful hearts, serving others joyfully.

We often read missionary stories and historical fiction with characters who were great servant leaders.

Serve Others

We typically have too many helpers. The kids love to be with Mom and Dad in the kitchen or laundry room or yard, helping and learning.

But sometimes, the helpers don’t want to help. They’d rather play or be alone or they don’t really like the job that needs to be done.

Sometimes an attitude adjustment is needed.

One kid complains about another:

“It’s not my mess!”

“Why doesn’t she have to help unload the dishwasher too?”

Life isn’t fair.

We try to make sure chores are distributed as equally as possible. The dynamics of a family of six means there is sometimes disagreement.

I just want cooperation.

Such is life.

When someone complains about another, and involves me, she should serve the others. Usually, I try to let them work it out on their own. Their sense of fairness is often different (and better) than mine.

It kills me to listen in and sometimes there are tears or angry voices and I want to step in, but by doing so, I rob them of the lesson in problem-solving and people skills.

I want grateful attitudes. Dishes aren’t my favorite. I don’t like to fold laundry. But we all need to pitch in and learn how to do these chores well. Someday, they’ll have their own households to run and I want them to have the skills to do it well.

They seldom argue for long and the chores do get completed every week.

Set Realistic Goals

We have pared down our homeschool work to only what is necessary and interesting. We’re quite the unschoolers these days.

Often, my kids get overwhelmed with a busy schedule or too much schoolwork and I must reevaluate. And I don’t like feeling rushed or busy.

I conference with my teen each week to help her stay focused. My job is as a coach now, guiding her to make the best decisions for high school. She worked as a Red Cross volunteer two full days each week last year. Her academic load is heavy and hard. She’s now dual-enrolled at a local college.

I help my kids decide which activities they want to focus on. Our budget and schedule won’t allow us to do it all!

Less is more. We teach mastery. Quality over quantity.

What I Don’t Do:

Use Harsh Language

I’m working on this. Of course I get frustrated. I can be controlling. I am overcoming my past. I look for healthy ways to communicate, even when I’m upset.

We’re all pretty loud and often talk over each other, but we’re all learning to be more respectful with our voices.

I remember that I can tear down or I can build up. I would rather have a good relationship with my kids. I want them to have good memories.

Raising my voice only makes the situation worse. I’ve found that even with a teenager, like with a preschooler, there are often other factors (like hunger and being tired) that cause attitude problems. When I address those issues, it’s smoother sailing.

It’s my job to model calm tones and words.

Ask for Too Much

I have to realize how far to push my kids.

Too little and they get bored. Too much and they get overwhelmed.

It’s a constant struggle for balance to challenge them, but not overdo it.

As my kids grow and mature, I have to check that I don’t ask too much or too little. When attitude problems arise, I ask myself why. They’re often unable to express to me that they’re overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed kids often shut down because they don’t know how to handle it.

Bored kids resent being unchallenged and act out.

We take a break and evaluate the situation. By homeschooling year-round, we have that luxury.

Relationships come before academics.

Incentives

I don’t like sticker charts. I don’t like dangling carrots. I don’t like incentives.

As an adult, I don’t have incentives other than personal satisfaction. I don’t get stickers for cleaning the toilets.

I have four kids and I just don’t feel the need for charts and schedules cluttering up my wall. I want to develop an attitude of caring and charts just don’t convey that image. We’ve tried them and I found them to be a waste of everyone’s time.

We don’t do rewards, punishments, bribes. They’re worthless and unnecessary.

They diminish motivation and a kid who learns to crave that reward yearns for more external reward each time instead of the satisfaction of a job well done.

Empty Praise

I want my kids to feel good about a job well done.

I refuse to buy into the self-esteem, everybody-gets-a-trophy attitude of our modern culture.

I want my kids to develop a good work ethic. Sometimes that means repeating a task until it’s done correctly. I won’t tolerate laziness. I also don’t want to push too hard or discourage.

I will often step back and make sure I modeled well what I want accomplished. I will help my children complete the task, teaching by example, so he or she can independently do it next time to a better standard. I want to say “Good job!” and have it actually mean something.

I often ask my kids how they feel about what they did, whether it’s an art project, writing assignment, chore, or a baseball game. I want them to have healthy views of their abilities, wins, and failures.

How do you get your kids to complete the hard tasks?

Linking up: The Jenny Evolution, 124Homeschool4Me, Wife Mom Geek, All Kinds of Things, Mommy Crusader, Simple Life of a Fire Wife, Living Montessori Now, ABC Creative Learning, The Educators Spin on It, Life of Faith, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, A Proverbs 31 Wife, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, F Dean Hackett, True Aim Education, The Natural Homeschool, The Stay at Home Survival Guide, Wonder Mom Wannabe, Life with Lorelai, A Little R&R, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Raising Homemakers, Pat and Candy, Imparting Grace, I Choose Joy, A Kreative Whim, Crafty Moms Share

I understand that sometimes we long for the freedom to do what we want, without kids. But it’s not like there’s an actual end date for parenting. That’s not the goal.

Stop saying that parenting ends when the child is eighteen.

Sure, we joke that the kids will get their very own luggage set on their 18th birthday. They should work or go to college or training. They won’t be able to just loaf around, doing nothing productive, mooching off us.

Joking like this is abusive.

Parenting doesn’t just end.

Grown don’t mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What’s that suppose to mean? In my heart it don’t mean a thing.

― Toni Morrison, Beloved

The parent-child relationship should change – gradually through the teen years – through to adulthood. We as parents should offer more freedom and responsibility in a safety net environment, teaching and coaching until the child is mature enough to fly on her own.

Parenting young adults is challenging.

And then we have to let go.

Sure, our children will fail sometimes. They will learn from those mistakes. And we can pray they don’t do anything too stupid that they can’t easily recover from. They must learn how to apologize and make amends.

But the nest should always be available for periods of rest and restoration.

Love should be an open door.

We as parents should be available as guides and coaches to our young adult children. Most kids don’t complete their brain development until around age 25.

How many of us were ready to be adults at age eighteen? How many of us were responsible and mature? Yet we expect so much of our kids in this scary, changing world we live in. It’s too much.

I stumbled and fell, with scraped knees and hemorrhaging heart, too many times until I reached “maturity.” And I still fail and struggle as a wife and mom.

Discipling children is a huge responsibility. It is exhausting.

Dragging four kids to the grocery store on a busy afternoon or on a 6-hour road trip isn’t really my idea of fun and relaxation. I do it to teach them and give them (hopefully) fond memories of a life well lived and well traveled.

Some days, when they argue with each other or complain about the dinner I worked so hard on, I want to give up.

Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude.

Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered.

It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do.

Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil.

Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.

Love never fails!

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love never ends.

I get too easily discouraged by wet towels on the floor and the never-ending crumbs under the table.

Some days, I do imagine an empty nest, the freedom it will surely bring when I can sleep in, eat a hot breakfast without having to share, go to the bathroom alone…

When I can look back on these days, reminiscing the bittersweet victories and failings while struggling not to be a selfish mom. Self-care is always a struggle.

As the children grow into tweens, teens, young adults and need me less and less, I get a glimpse into what our future as friends might look like.

Parenting never ends.

Resources:

• Doing Life with Your Adult Children by Jim Burns
• Parenting Your Emerging Adult: Launching Kids From 18 to 29 by Varda Konstam
• Recovering My Kid: Parenting Young Adults in Treatment and Beyond by Joseph Lee
• How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims
• Fledge: Launching Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind by Brenda Yoder
• 18 Plus: Parenting Your Emerging Adult by Stephen Argue
• Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children by Allison Bottke
• The Smart but Scattered Guide to Success by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare

Click here

How do you let go?