I’m sure my kids would be inundated with all sorts of alphabet combination labels if they attended public school.

The one month Elizabeth attended third grade was a nightmare.

Almost everyone I know has one or more children with some disorder or another.

Is it real or imagined?

There is such competition for children to excel with schoolwork and test scores that parents are medicating kids to perform well – like little racehorses on steroids.

A diagnosis of ADHD brings many benefits in the school system! Kids with ADHD are entitled to special classes and extra time on tests – even the SAT and ACT and college entrance exams! The schools have an invested interest in diagnosing kids with disorders and/or special needs to receive more tax funding.

Homeschooling allows me the freedom to teach each of my children however it best suits us. Each of my four children are individuals with needs that require much care and time on my part.

We all have strengths and weaknesses. We don’t all have a disorder.

I prefer not to label children.

Their identity should be wrapped up in their abilities rather than any imagined disabilities. And certainly not just on appearances.

I’ve seen mamas’ digital signatures in forums and whatnot, proudly displaying the whole “Wife to so-and-so, mother to 4 kids, 1 with {insert disorder acronym, spectrum tag, disability, whatever}”

The thing?

I think some mothers wear their kids’ labels like a badge of honor.

Some mothers I know are proud they have such a burden in their kids’ disorders. They love the attention they get and the sympathy when they complain.

And I get eye rolls and tsk, tsk if I dare utter a complaint ever because my kids are “normal” or even “above average.” But what is normal?

Is mental illness the new norm? Movies and television programs deify psychology. The person with the psychology degree is a god. Now people are proud of their mental illnesses. They wear them like a badge.

It was worrying to think how labeling her like that, without a diagnosis or even a doctor’s appointment, could affect her for the rest of her life. Saying so nonchalantly that children have a psychological or neurological disorder as if they are hungry or cold is very serious. Not only does it belittle the severity and seriousness of those who truly suffer from these conditions, but it also labels children unfairly. When they hear a plotline repeated about their lives, they begin to associate themselves with these labels and draw identity conclusions from them. These narratives become their life story, and it is very hard to get our of them. The Danish Way of Parenting

I know some parents with very real struggles with very real children with very real challenges. I am not discounting real diagnoses or real special needs that are biological or psycho-social.

But c’mon. Not everyone has a disorder.

And what really bugs me? Not actually getting a real medical diagnosis. You can’t just claim your kid has ADHD because he can’t sit still for hours or she daydreams sometimes instead of completing 40 algebra problems in an hour.

In 1991, Congress included ADHD as a disability that falls under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. So the child’s family is entitled to disability benefits! And schools love this.

Since when is being a child an illness?

There should be comprehensive tests to diagnose disorders and syndromes (and physical issues as well). It should take more than 20 minutes and a little checklist of 6/15 symptoms for a doctor to determine a child has ADHD.

Online quizzes are dangerous. I look at those online medical quizzes and apparently I have every disorder, syndrome, disease, and illness known and unknown and will not live past next year.

Like astrology in which everyone relates to her horoscope, almost everyone who takes an ADHD quiz discovers she is “sick.”

Is this the new witchcraft?

So, without a battery of real medical tests that come back with a true medical diagnosis, don’t label kids to make up for a lack of relationship and lazy parenting.

I think there is a vast overdiagnosis of American kids with ADHD and other psycho-social issues.

It makes our society complacent and then no one is responsible for any behavior. They blame “The Disorder.”

Sure, lots of kids probably show signs of ADHD. It’s a temporary thing that kids experience under stress. And we are surely a very stressed out society.

In America, the oddball is the mother with kids who have no labels.

Does everybody who is labeled with it actually have ADHD?

And the funny thing? It’s way overdiagnosed in America. Fewer European kids are diagnosed or medicated for ADHD than American kids.

We monitor behavior in our family closely. We have a schedule and structure. When I get lazy and let our schedule slide a bit, it’s noticeable very quickly and I have to batten down the hatches. We need to come closer together to relate again.

A military pediatrician diagnosed Liz as “OFF THE CHARTS ADHD” when she was seven. I just never fully agreed with it. Honestly? She was SEVEN. She was learning to cope with daily life with a new dad, two new sisters, a cross-country move, and beginning homeschooling. Stress!

I don’t fear the ADHD label: I just think many are unnecessary and imaginary. My little kids don’t even know these labels exist. They’re children. When they get rambunctious, I send them outside or we have a dance party. No one wants to sit for hours.

When you meet someone new, do they ask you which letters you have after your name, expecting an M.Ed, Ph.D. – or ADHD?

Probably not.

If everyone would stop eating garbage and using chemical cleaners, some people could often heal with proper food and lifestyle changes. Not all, but some – maybe even most. Heredity plays a huge part in our health. Can you imagine if a whole society or culture quit eating junk and using chemicals, how our perspective and health would change for future generations?

 “‘You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments. Deuteronomy 5:8-10

In John 5, Jesus asked the man at the pool: “Do you want to get well?”

“Many of us want freedom from pain, but we don’t always want the adversity that comes with spiritual wellness.” Michelle Lazurek

I am not discounting real biological illness that can be complex.

We weren’t always in a homeschool environment. As a classroom teacher, I saw all sorts of kids with very real family, medical, and personal problems. Liz attended day care and preschool. When Liz attended third grade (for a month), the school officials labeled her. Many of her classmates were already labeled. It was a military (DoD) school and medical clinic.

I saw many parents who reveled in their kids’ labels and hid behind them rather than do any real parenting. And just because a kid has real special needs doesn’t release a parent from setting some boundaries.

Many of my students acted differently with me than with other teachers. I treated them differently and tried not to listen to what others had to say about attitudes and behaviors. I gave them a chance to be themselves. I respected them. I listened.

I do know very real issues are out there, but I think some doctors and parents are too quick to smack an ADHD label and prescribe an addictive amphetamine rather than evaluate and learn the root of the problem.

There are many real reasons for the symptoms of ADHD that should be explored. Hormone levels, environmental causes, brain injury, dietary allergies, or emotional issues. This is not a biological illness as the drug companies and many doctors would have us believe. ADHD is a psycho-social disorder that should be managed with therapy and addressing environmental and relational stresses. Drugs should be a last resort and only temporary.

If we all were closely analyzed? We’d all probably be labeled with something. And that’s scary.

The common drugs prescribed for ADHD: Ritalin, Adderall, Concerta, Quillivant, Methylin – highly addictive stimulants – are Schedule II controlled substances (the same category as Oxycontin or cocaine).

Some real help for brain (and physical) health:

• Vitamins: especially D, B complex, E and other antioxidants.
• Mineral supplements: magnesium, chromium, selenium (and others listed in books above)
• Cod liver oil. Everyone needs this. It will help you maintain mental acuity.
• Healthy real food diet. Start by limiting snacks and sweets and introducing more fruits and vegetables. Eliminate chemicals and processed foods. Be wary when eating out. Even if allergy tests return negative, don’t discount a sensitivity. Do an elimination diet to make sure! Diet helps. You can heal with food. Sometimes other methods are also necessary.
• Regular exercise. You keep hearing and reading this. So do it. Don’t regret not doing it. Get the whole family in the habit. (I am SO preaching to myself here!)

If it takes two years to put on fifty pounds, it will take many months of hard work to get trim and healthy again. Too many Americans want instant gratification in the form of a pill or cream that often exacerbates the issues with unwanted side effects. I know too many mothers in absolute adrenal failure due to poor lifestyle during childhood and youth. It often takes years, much time, and lots of money to get healthy again.

Our lifestyles are a rat race trying to keep up when we really just need to slow down.

How is this affecting our children?

Instead of having a relationship with our children, we look to the screens as babysitters, food as drugs, and drugs as candy.

And we wonder why so many kids are obese and inattentive? Some parents just aren’t the best role models. Kids learn by example.

If we had poor role models, shouldn’t we educate ourselves so we can be better stewards of our bodies and teach our kids to be good stewards of their bodies? To leave a legacy of physical and mental health is important.

What I’m NOT saying:

• I’m NOT saying that everyone who has weight issues is lazy or a bad mom. Weight issues are quite real and are often hereditary and a sign of other problems that can take generations to heal with natural and allopathic help. It’s a struggle. But the medical community loves to only treat symptoms and not look for the reasons.
• Not every mom revels in her kids’ labels, disorders, special needs. If a child has a real medical illness, physical disabilities, mental disorder, or special needs, then by all means, doctors, specialists, medical professionals, and recommended services should be used. Have common sense. Use discretion.
• All home and school environments are unique. I have experienced public, private, all levels, homeschool, co-ops…and I have seen all sorts of parents, kids, teachers, and administrators who did and did not serve children well. Learn to recognize toxic environments and avoid them.

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