Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Celebrating Holidays

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

June 29, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 5 Comments

Maybe some of us didn’t grow in healthy homes or with families who celebrated holidays in ways we want to continue with our own children.

I grew up an only child and I felt so much pressure to make birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day special since I had no one to share it with.

I feel pretty whiny about writing this, but it seems like it needs to be said.

I spent my own money that my grandma sent to buy thoughtful presents for my parents. They were seldom appreciative. I remember my father demanding I buy my mother flowers for their anniversary one year when I was a teenager and I bristled at that chore since I felt it was not my responsibility. I remember many birthdays and Mother’s Day when she unwrapped perfumes and whatnot that my father purchased and said were from me. We usually went out to dinner for steak on birthdays.

My mother always wants more and loves shopping as entertainment. I don’t share that hobby. It stresses me out.

I remember most of my birthdays were when my father was out of town on business trips. My mother invited her family and my school mates and neighborhood friends. I realized when I got older that my father didn’t like gatherings.

Christmases were always pretty stressful when I was young. My mom is the youngest child of six and everyone getting together on Christmas Eve was bound to end in negativity on someone’s part. I was mostly too young to notice, but I knew my parents fought about it before and afterwards. Most years, my dad stayed at home while I accompanied my mother to the Christmas Eve party. My grandmother passed when I was 16, and it all deteriorated after that.

My parents usually send me a check, not divisible by 6, so I wonder every year who they don’t like. They’ve started wrapping and packaging weird handmedowns for my kids and it’s always a confusion when the kids ask me about their presents. Sometimes, I don’t know what to say. And apparently my mother thinks I need and use an inordinate amount of kitchen towels.

My parents possess three SUVs, pay a $850 mortgage for a 3500+ sq ft house, receive 3 retirement checks each month, and yet do not buy me or the kids anything for holidays. They constantly complain that they don’t have enough money.

It’s hard for me when my parents ask what I want for my birthday or Christmas and I tell them an item I really want, but they say, “oh, no, not that; what else do you want?” So I usually just say: “I don’t really need anything, thanks.”

As a mom of four, I am dealing with my own issues and trauma. I don’t want my kids to feel pressure. If they don’t want to celebrate my birthday or Mother’s Day per society convention, that should be ok.

I just want to feel cared for too.

I want my kids to realize that some people might have gift giving/receiving as their love language. It’s important to show people we love them in ways they can understand. I know my grandparents had this love language, but it might be only because I saw my grandma a few times a year and she felt a need to make up for a shallow relationship with things.

I am trying to work out my own hurt feelings when my birthday passes by with nothing. It seems that something or other always tries to ruin the day. I try to look at where I failed and how I can live better and model a better reaction to anger or fear and we can still celebrate more appropriately, perhaps without pressure or presents but still a rather cheerful greeting or hug.

I’ve tried to model celebrating with my kids’ birthdays, serving special meals, homemade cake, and presents. I ask their preferences which vary year to year as they get older. I hope I’ve done well. We’ve done away with flashy parties since we have no one to invite and we’re never invited anywhere. Perhaps they’re resentful but the younger three kids surely have little memory of the time before when I stressed over keeping up with others in that way.

I wanted a Pinterest-perfect holiday season before there was even social media. I wanted it to look like something out of style magazines on my husband’s lieutenant budget. Every year without fail, I cried over a failed expectation or the wine spilled or the pork roast was still raw in the middle.

I used to make myself physically ill planning events and holidays. Surely it wasn’t worth it. I don’t think anyone really noticed except that I was very upset if things weren’t living to my impossible level of perfection.

I needed to calm down and reflect on what was most important: relationships.

What memories do I want my family to have of holidays?

There were some recent Christmases when we traveled and minimally decorated and didn’t do presents, but the kids are too young to trade that and asked if we could do it more traditional from now on.

My husband has never shown interest in birthdays or holidays and all the work falls to me and I feel resentful. Years go by and things get forgotten until they roll around on the calendar again. Yet he bragged when we were dating what a thoughtful unique gift giver he was.

The stress of all the past years are like a tidal wave of trauma.

I don’t like knick knacks or presents that will just sit around and collect dust. I’ve purged and minimized so much over the years with all our military moves. I’ve streamlined and curated our possessions. While I have some regrets of items we had to sell or donate, I’m pretty content and I don’t just need more “stuff.”

When we first married, he bought himself a DVD player and surround sound system but wrote my name on the wrapped presents under the tree. I was maybe more upset by memories of my first husband only buying items for himself. I don’t care anything about electronics. If it weren’t for him and the kids, I wouldn’t own a TV.

He tried to buy me jewelry a couple times. The jade pearl necklace and bracelet set was obviously on sale because it’s missing some beads, but surely he didn’t know or look closely enough. He once bought me a children’s pearl necklace set that I returned to the store and he got very upset.

I told my husband just not to buy me presents anymore and he didn’t. He hasn’t.

Fifteen years have gone by.

He bought me caramel chocolates for our anniversary when he was last deployed. Everyone who has ever known me knows I loathe caramel.

My husband never showed appreciation for the presents the kids made him or that I purchased “from” them. I guess he didn’t have a good model for that. He doesn’t much remember what his family did on Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, birthdays. Christmas was a huge affair, focused on the kids. I stopped buying anything for my husband on holidays. We were strapped for money for many years anyway and I convinced myself this was best.

I mentioned last year that maybe it’s not healthy for the kids to see us not give each other presents on holidays. The kids asked me about it and I didn’t have a good answer for them.

I need us to model for the kids a healthy relationship, healthy holidays, healthy celebrations. We need to do better.

He bought me a hoodie for Christmas and kept asking all.day.long did I like it; did he do good? It became exhausting.

We have no relationship with my husband’s family so I felt so inauthentic and impersonal sending them gift cards for every birthday and Christmas. They probably misinterpreted my desire and reason to end that practice but I found it almost impossible to find gift cards for them when we lived in Germany and we never found a replacement tradition. I want more than a gift card relationship. I’m not sure what kind of holidays he had with his two sisters and parents while growing up. I know Christmases were huge affairs with piles of presents. I can’t and won’t recreate that.

My parents are not generous with their time, affection, money, or things and it makes holidays difficult when I am torn between being their daughter and also a wife and mom to my own family.

My daughter works part time and I would never ask her or expect her to spend her own money on presents for me or her siblings, but she doesn’t have to brazenly announce that we are not worth her time, effort, or money. She needs to learn to express her frustration in healthier ways.

It is exhausting and painful for me to try to please everyone all the time.

Perhaps I should practice more what I preach: say what I mean and mean what I say. Precision of language.

Most people can’t really handle bluntness or boldness. They need things sugar coated because they’re used to word and mind games.

Children know what they want and aren’t shy about asking for it.

I collect presents for my children all year round for Christmas and birthdays. I pay attention to what they say they like and want.

I focus on food during holidays because those are good memories for me. My aunt always had a gorgeous spread on Christmas Eve, Easter, Independence Day. I learned a lot about decorating and cooking from her.

And my daughter criticized me for cooking too well that holidays aren’t even that special. What a backwards compliment.

Should I speak up and ask specifically for what I want on my birthday and Mother’s Day? It seems selfish and greedy. I’m not one to spend money on myself often.

It feels like a “Mommie Dearest” kind of a moment to sit them down and demand that that my kids do something for me.

But they all miss the point: The true gift any mother wants is not to do anything.

Lyz Lenz

I’m often overlooked and I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking that’s how to treat people, especially their own future in-laws. I want them to have healthier families than mine was and is, what I’m trying to teach them even with my mistakes.

It’s up to me to end abusive or traumatic cycles and this includes making holidays and celebrations a cheerful, not stressful time. I want my kids to have good memories. I don’t my kids remembering their mom sulking every Christmas because the cinnamon rolls overbaked a tiny bit and complaining about not getting anything for her birthday again this year.

Maybe my family doesn’t really know or remember my preferences, likes, dislikes so they just don’t do anything. Maybe they really are thoughtless and don’t even want to put forth the effort. But maybe my family just wants a bulleted list or PowerPoint presentation about what to get Mom on Mother’s Day, Christmas, my birthday.

Yes, I realize we are privileged. We don’t struggle financially or medically. We have nothing but time and effort to improve our relationships with each other.

How I like to celebrate holidays:

Breakfast: spinach onion Parmesan omelet or veggie frittata

Dinner: seafood. I especially love salmon and scallops.

Presents: Always welcome are books from my wish list, bird feeders, experiences, gardening items.

I like to keep things simple.

How do you celebrate holidays?

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: Christmas, holiday, motherhood, relationships

A Mother’s Résumé

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

October 28, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert 16 Comments

I haven’t worked at a “real job” for at least a dozen years.

It’s frustrating that introductory small talk still focuses on “What do you do?” and is disdainful or even scornful of motherhood as a vocation. People even dare ask or mention that my education was a waste. It’s like my only worth is in a salary or job for pay outside my home.

These microaggressions don’t endear me to people whom I’ve just met. They dismiss me as unimportant because I don’t have a salary and it’s so frustrating.

Motherhood isn’t valued in American culture. Homeschooling is still considered weird.

There’s little purpose to keeping up my LinkedIn profile.

I can’t imagine going back to teach at any school, at any level. I sometimes miss the classroom, but the hassles and negatives don’t outweigh the few positives. I don’t have current state certification and I don’t have any desire to jump through hoops to recertify.

If you hired someone to do the work of maintaining a household, especially if you have children, the cost would be approximately $ 90,000 a year. This is what a “traditional” at-home spouse would get paid today to clean the house, be a personal shopper and personal assistant, run errands, and take care of the children.

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman, Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams,  Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D.,

Things You Didn’t Put on Your Résumé

How often you got up in the middle of the night
when one of your children had a bad dream,

and sometimes you woke because you thought
you heard a cry but they were all sleeping,

so you stood in the moonlight just listening
to their breathing, and you didn’t mention

that you were an expert at putting toothpaste
on tiny toothbrushes and bending down to wiggle

the toothbrush ten times on each tooth while
you sang the words to songs from Annie, and

who would suspect that you know the fingerings
to the songs in the first four books of the Suzuki

Violin Method and that you can do the voices
of Pooh and Piglet especially well, though

your absolute favorite thing to read out loud is
Bedtime for Frances and that you picked

up your way of reading it from Glynis Johns,
and it is, now that you think of it, rather impressive

that you read all of Narnia and all of the Ring Trilogy
(and others too many to mention here) to them

before they went to bed and on the way out to
Yellowstone, which is another thing you don’t put

on the résumé: how you took them to the ocean
and the mountains and brought them safely home.

~Joyce Sutphen

As a mother for the past 19 years, I can attest to having quite an impressive work history and specific skill set.

The mental workload of being a mother far outweighs any “job” I’ve ever had.

As a teacher in various school and classroom environments, then as a homeschool educator for the last 15 years, I honed my expertise by focusing on my students’ unique needs.

As a military spouse, I retained my skills and honed a lot of new ones over the last decade and a half.

There are no gaps in my work history. I worked constantly, year-round, daily, overnights, with no vacation days, through sickness and injury, and during two deployments with no assistance or support.

Experience

Director of Child Development

$39,744 average annual salary

  • Oversee social, academic, and emotional development of students from birth until adulthood
  • Develop educational programs and standards
  • Design program plans, oversee daily activities, and prepare budget for activities and curriculum
  • Support gross and fine motor skills
  • Maintain instructional excellence

Educational Leadership

$88,390 average annual salary

  • Knowledge of pedagogy and methodology
  • Relationship building
  • Continuing education in field regarding trends, concerns, issues
  • Global mindset
  • Plan cross-curricular lessons for various ages, abilities, interests
  • Conflict resolution
  • Extensive library
  • Use of technology
  • Personalize feedback on student assignments
  • Advise students regarding academic courses and career opportunities
  • Encourage students to present their views and participate in discussion
  • Share personal experiences and values
  • Record keeping

Project Management

$134,182 average annual salary

  • Initiating, planning, executing, controlling, and closing the work of a team to achieve specific goals and meet specific success criteria at the specified time.
  • Establish expectations
  • Be proactive
  • Organization
  • Risk management
  • Delegation
  • Teamwork
  • Growth Mindset

Life Coach

$46,678 average annual salary

  • Discuss needs and goals
  • Develop strategies and plans
  • Keep records of progress
  • Evaluation
  • Adjust goal strategies as needed
  • Assist manage stress and increase productivity
  • Excellent listening and questioning skills
  • Confidence to challenge in a caring way
  • Support goal-setting, personal growth, and behavior modification 

Domestic Engineer

$59,496 average annual salary

  • Oversee operations of all systems and procedures
  • Budget for and allocated appropriate expenditures
  • Delegate operational tasks to promote equal labor division
  • Maintain cleanliness and sanitation of all work, play, and living areas
  • Food purchasing, preparation, and storage
  • Multi-tasking
  • Home economics
  • Laundry expertise
  • Basic mending ability by hand and sewing machine
  • Organization and efficiency

Religious Advisor

$58,130 average annual salary

  • Education about religion and faith through various books, activities, social justice, music, tradition, travel
  • Evolve faith through experience and learning
  • Help understand spirituality to promote peace, healing, and union with God and others
  • sensitivity, empathy, and understanding
  • Ensure proper growth and relational development
  • Spiritual counsel and advice
  • Meet their spiritual, emotional, and relational goals
  • Meditation and contemplation

Protocol Officer

$71,135 average annual salary

  •  Research traditions and customs
  • Distinguish between time-honored tradition and mindless repetition
  • Knowledge of preferences and customs of each person
  • Prioritize welcome and respect
  • Educate daily on etiquette and customs for various situations
  • Minimize or eliminate any opportunity for embarrassment or offense
  • Establish and enforce consistency using logic
  • Develop itineraries and agendas
  • Identify security risks and create safety plans

Travel and Event Planner

$41,873 average annual salary

  • Research, suggest, and decide where to go, methods of transportation, car rentals, hotel accommodations, tours, and attractions
  • Advise about weather conditions, local customs, attractions, necessary documents, and currency exchange rates
  • Visualization
  • Organization and planning
  • Plan and execute ceremonies and special events     

Budget Analyst

$71,590 average annual salary

  • Manage family finances, analyze and prepare monthly expenditures
  • Estimate future financial needs
  • Research of domestic economic and spending trends
  • Develop projections based on past economic and spending trends
  • Technical analysis, monitoring spending for deviations, and preparing monthly and annual reports
  • Analyze investments and their market performance
  • Education about financial terms, issues, trends, economic history

Historian

$55,800 average annual salary

  • Organize data, and analyze and interpret its authenticity and relative significance
  • Gather historical data from sources such as archives, court records, diaries, news files, and photographs, as well as collect data sources such as books, pamphlets, and periodicals
  • Thorough investigative and research skills
  • Analyze and interpret information
  • Interest in human behaviour, culture and society
  • Enquiring mind

Personal Stylist

$50,346 average annual salary

  • Attention to detail
  • Analytical mind
  • Problem-solving ability
  • Knowledge of fabrics, colors, seasonal items, accessories, etiquette
  • Knowledge brands, designs, trends

Personal Chef

$62,282 average annual salary

  • Customize unique meal and snack plans
  • Skilled at recognizing flavors and judging the balance of seasonings
  • Knowledge of kitchen tools and appliances and their uses
  • Procure and organize various recipes
  • Shop for all groceries within budget
  • Prepare the meal in a timely manner
  • Clean up the kitchen to excellent standards
  • Store leftovers promptly

Chauffeur

$22,440 average annual salary

  • Transport people to various activities in a safe and timely manner
  • Stock vehicles with amenities
  • Keep vehicles shiny and clean
  • Vehicle maintenance and repair

Waste Management

$64,000 average annual salary

  • Plan, implement, and coordinate comprehensive waste systems designed to maximize waste prevention, reuse, and recycling opportunities.
  • Evaluate the success of plans and make changes as necessary.
  • Minimize the impact of waste to protect the environment.

Plumber

$50,620 average annual salary

  • Unclog sink drains and pipes as needed
  • Replace salt in home water softener
  • Humidify and/or dehumidify the air in home
  • Repair water supply lines, waste disposal systems, and related appliances and fixtures

Special Skills

  • Good at untying knots
  • Feeding picky children and spouse
  • Finder of lost things
  • Making shoddy rental houses comfy and homey
  • Empath
  • Introvert
  • Comforter
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Initiative
  • Time management
  • Stress management
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Excellent verbal and written communication

Research

I can research anything. I enjoy researching. I loved researching literary, psychological, and educational analyses in university – and all the details of citing the sources properly. I can find anything on Google. Over time, I just have learned the best keywords for a search. I can find the best whatever we’re looking for in minutes, before we move to a new base or city. I research what we’re learning about in our homeschool and design my own curriculum.

Frugal

We have learned to thrive with one income. We’ve learned to survive with one vehicle. I’ve worked with very tight budgets as we’ve raised and homeschooled four kids all over. We focus on eating well and traveling and living life to the fullest. We’re investing for the future with 529s, IRAs, mutual funds, life insurance, and retirement plans. We’re paying down debt.

Multitasking

I can do it all and do it well. When life gets hectic, I’m in charge to streamline everything. I have a great memory and seldom get sidetracked for long.

Adaptable

Things change. We’ve received written orders that have changed last minute. We had to cancel plans to travel on vacation in order to PCS. We’ve had extensions fall through. We’ve experienced deployments. I have to stay flexible. I have to be strong for my kids.

Critical Thinking

I don’t want my kids just to regurgitate information and blindly obey. I want them to know right from wrong and question everything – me, tradition, reality, authority – why? why? WHY?

Observation, analysis, interpretation, reflection, evaluation, inference, explanation, problem solving, and decision making

  • Understand the logical connections between ideas.
  • Determine the importance and relevance of arguments and ideas.
  • Recognise, build, and appraise arguments.
  • Identify inconsistencies and errors in reasoning.
  • Approach problems in a consistent and systematic way.
  • Reflect on the justification of their own assumptions, beliefs, and values.

Education

M.Ed. secondary English education, gifted endorsement

B.A. English literature with minor in psychology, cum laude

Summary

As a military spouse, I have some unique skills.

I may have developed these abilities anyway.

But my life is very different than it could have been because I married an Air Force officer, my dad retired from the Army Reserves, and both my parents worked as GS employees since forever.

Being a military spouse can be like having a full-time job. Much of the expertise I’ve developed over the years are highly transferable and marketable in the workforce.

All in different seasons and different bases, I have worked outside the house, stayed at home, worked from home, and considered going back to school. I have a master’s degree in education, so that’s essentially an expensive piece of paper at this point since I don’t want to go back to teach in a school.

Every day, I develop and further solidify impressive marketable life experience just by supporting my active duty husband, being a stay-at-home mom, and homeschooling my kids. 

I may not have an impressive résumé or curriculum vitae, but I know what my abilities are.

My worth is not only in what I do. My value is not in the income I bring or don’t bring into our household. As a wife, mother, and homeschooler, I have intrinsic value in the efficiency of my household management.

The TRUTH about the military spouse job search.

There’s little to no personal fulfillment.

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Filed Under: Military Tagged With: homemaking, homeschool, Marriage, military, milspouse, motherhood

Navigating Motherhood During Deployment

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

June 20, 2018 By Jennifer Lambert 20 Comments

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of 1 Natural Way, a TRICARE breast pump provider. All opinions are entirely my own.

We’ve PCSed a couple times with infants. That’s interesting. There’s so much stuff to travel with – in case of any scenario.

Military life definitely has its challenges.

Our first deployment was when our son was only nine months old.

We PCSed to Utah in August and my husband deployed in January.

I had never lived through a real winter. I had always lived in mild, warm climates. And I had four kids under 10.

Being a mom is often hard.

Being a single mom can be quite difficult. I did that with one child for four years.

Being a military wife with a deployed husband and four kids is an adventure.

First deployments are really hard. There are so many unknowns. We’re up for our second deployment later this year and I feel more prepared.

If you know a mom whose spouse is deployed…take some time to help or just listen during this lonely and hard time.

You’ve seen and checked off all the deployment checklists. You’ve gotten the POA and all the right paperwork.

You’ve said your goodbyes at the airport gate.

The house is quieter. There is so much less laundry to do. Why are there so many leftovers at dinner?

You wake up sprawled in the middle of the bed instead of on your side.

You don’t think you’re gonna make it through these next few months.

I’m here to tell you that you’re gonna make it. You’re gonna be just fine.

How to Navigate Motherhood When Your Spouse is Deployed

Tips to Navigate Motherhood When Your Spouse is Deployed

Routine.

I ran my household like clockwork. I was efficient. I was prepared.

As a homeschool mom, I could have just allowed our lives to run into chaos.

But I set a strict schedule and kept to it. Meals, schoolwork, some fun activities, indoor and outdoor playtimes, chores, baths, bedtime.

With four kids under 10, I had to rely on them a lot and we all learned to be interdependent and help each other. It’s amazing what kids can and will do – if you just let them.

I anticipated disaster.

Then our basement flooded and disrupted all my best intentions.

But the routine held and life went on.

Relax.

Deployment may not be the best time to go back to school or haul the kids to a gazillion summer or after school extracurricular activities.

While routines and schedules are great for sanity…don’t lose heart or get discouraged if it slips. Don’t be legalistic about it.

Holidays and special events can really suck during deployments. Do something special but don’t stress and worry over it being perfect. It won’t be. Do your best. It’s good enough.

Give yourself a little break and realize there’s only one of you.

There are no good or bad emotions. Feel. Let your kids see you. Lean into it. Comfort each other. Discuss your feelings. Validate the sadness and anger but don’t live there.

Network.

Learn who your key spouse or the equivalent is within your organization. Get connected to other deployed spouses.

Ask for contacts at church in case of emergency.

Join a moms group. Or a homeschool group. Or a book club. Find a friend somewhere.

Inform neighbors or HOA so they are aware and can assist if needed.

Family visits can be a hassle or a blessing during deployment. You know what’s best for you and yours.

Ask for help.

This is a hard one.

I’ve never liked asking for help.

Our church pretty much ignored us during deployment and that (among other issues) prompted us to find a new one.

My husband’s group commander’s wife came and shoveled snow out of our driveway and it made me so uncomfortable. She also watched my kids a couple times for me to go out but I had nowhere to go and nothing to do. It just wasn’t what I wanted or needed.

Decide what you don’t want or like to do. It may be snow shoveling or mowing the lawn. Find a neighborhood teen to pay to do those tasks.

It helps to know what you want and need – and how and whom to ask.

My neighbors rallied together to help me with our flooded basement and that was an amazing experience. I wouldn’t have known where to start.

If you or your child needs to talk to someone, TRICARE covers at least 3 preliminary mental health appointments with family health care providers and can refer you for more with a therapist if necessary. Don’t hesitate to make those appointments. Be honest with yourself. No shame. Do what you must for the health of you and your family.

Self care.

This is hard for many moms.

I do better now taking care of myself than I did when my kids were really little.

Eating well and getting enough sleep are challenges for moms of little ones and also for moms whose spouses are deployed.

Set small goals like getting a daily shower and getting dressed in clean clothes.

You’re living your life in three-hour increments as you’re nursing, caring for little ones, surviving.

It’s enough.

I keep some quick meal items in the freezer and pantry for when I don’t feel well.

Deployment can a great time to get active, lose weight, get healthier, reset, and refocus. I find it easier to cook and eat what I like when I’m alone. The kids help me stay active.

Set a schedule that works for you and your family. That could mean putting the kids to bed earlier or later for your sanity.

Do something new.

Create a little list of some new and different activities to keep busy.

Ask the kids what they’d like to do and try to do some of their list too. Distractions are good when they miss their parent.

Don’t get overwhelmed, but it’s nice and often necessary to keep your mind busy during those lonely months. Bonus if it’s something you can do with the kids!

Lots of museums are free during summer and National Parks offer free or discounted passes to military families.

Some fun ideas:

  • calligraphy
  • jewelry making
  • painting
  • yoga or pilates
  • online classes
  • reading
  • journal
  • cooking
  • charity work
  • church activities
  • hiking
  • birding
  • photography

Know your benefits and privileges as a military spouse.

Many military installations offer events for deployed spouses – Give Parents a Break program, free family meals, free tickets, portrait ops, and more.

Get lots of free stuff here for deployed families.

Make sure you’re on email lists for deployed spouses or check social media for your options. Take advantage of the events offered and make new friends too.

I wish these breast pump benefits had been available when my babies were little and nursing!

1 Natural Way offers the popular Medela, Spectra and Kiinde brands. In addition to breast pumps, 1 Natural Way also offers breast pump accessories, compression socks and postpartum care supplies – covered under your Tricare insurance plan at no out of pocket expense to you.

The following five simple steps will take less than 5 minutes, and your breast pump through Tricare will be on its way:

Step 1: Fill out our insurance information form found below

Step 2: Select your breast pump model (Tricare covers all models we offer)

Step 3: Enroll in our Monthly breastfeeding accessories program (called Resupply)

Step 4: Provide us with a prescription or your doctor’s information, and we will obtain one for you

Step 5: Your pump and supplies will ship right to your front door via UPS or USPS

1 Natural Way handles contacting both your health insurance provider and your physician on your behalf. They offer the easiest process in the industry-backed by thousands of reviews and testimonials from moms everywhere. They work hard to make it an enjoyable experience to receive your breast pump with minimal or no out of pocket expense to you.

Deployment is always an inconvenience. We’re thankful for our military family and our freedom.

Hang in there.

How do you manage motherhood when your spouse is deployed?

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Becoming a Gentler Mom

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September 27, 2017 By Jennifer Lambert 23 Comments

I’m becoming a gentler mom.

I was spanked as a kid. I grew up in an authoritarian home.

I feared everything.

When I became a parent, I surely went overboard with strictness, trying to counter the Disneyland father visitation syndrome with my preschool daughter.

I briefly attended a church that lived by the principles in the Pearl child-training book. That was disastrous.

When my eldest child just turned fourteen, I realized I was losing her. Despite everything. Too little relationship, too late. Too much coercion into compliance and obedience when she was younger was leaving her confused and broken when she was gaining independence and making bigger decisions.

Children who are coerced into obedience develop a victim mentality.

Coerced kids often become rebellious teens. I’ve seen it with some of our aquaintance’s families.

I’m raising servant leaders and I won’t succeed with opposition-based leadership methods. I was losing the battle.

I need to become a gentler mom.


I witnessed power struggles between my husband and daughter. I see power struggles between my four kids. I power-struggle with my kids occasionally.

Are discipline and obedience the same thing?

Many Christian and secular parenting articles and books and leaders would say yes.

“Obedience is doing what you’re told, no matter what’s right. Morality is doing what’s right, no matter what you’re told.” L.R.Knost

Obedience is all about gaining control.

Discipline is all about cultivating a relationship.

Discipline and Disciple are from the Latin discipulus, meaning “student.”

As a homeschool mom, I certainly don’t expect my children to know everything. That’s the whole point of homeschooling them. Why do I expect their behavior to be perfect? Why do I expect them to know how to act in social situations, or to have self-control when they’re tired or hungry?

These are issues that even many adults can’t handle, much less children.

I must end my own selfishness and unrealistic expectations to disciple them, guide them, lead them.

I know many parents who are exhausted from the power struggles of getting their kids to clean up their stuff. They threaten, shame, punish, yell, spank, and follow through with the threats by getting rid of the stuff, as if that’s the culprit.

I’m not perfect. I used to be like that, but I’m changing as I realize these methods don’t work.

And the greatest manipulations of all?

Timeout.

Using the Bible as a weapon.

Forcing kids to clean the plate.

Making decisions for them that they can and should make themselves.

What lesson do we teach our kids?

Timeout sends the message that our love is conditional since isolation breeds fear and dissension.

Throwing the Bible around as a lesson to kids doesn’t make them understand or want to know Jesus. They learn to see Him as an extension of abusive authority.

Food issues become about control instead of loving hospitality and fellowship.

Kids who never make their own decisions grow up into adults who don’t know how to make wise decisions. They fall into addiction or promiscuity. They become victims.

Really, as parents, we need to separate our emotions and our past issues from our parenting.

I fear all these parents who don’t respect their children as people and command and demand and have little relationship with their kids. All in the name of Jesus.

And they wonder why they lose them to the world.

We parent from fear.

Fear that we’ll be like our parents or the kids will make the same mistakes we did, fear that our kids will harm themselves or others, fear that we’ll look bad.

It’s time to trust in God to put down fear and to parent from the heart.

That may make us unpopular. We may look bad on the outside. We’ll learn who our real friends are. And we’ll gain our children in the process.

What can we do?

Pray. Jesus is the gentlest parent.

Apologize. Tell children we haven’t loved well and we’re going to do better.

Deal with our past. Know our triggers and problems. Forgive ourselves. Relinquish control.

Parent with respect. Realize that children are thinking people who can make decisions for themselves, with our guidance instead of coercion and control.

What does this look like in our home?

Simplicity.

We threw out all the printables. Kids can learn on their own. It’s amazing to stand back and watch them explore their interests. I’m a guide, helping them in their research and finding materials for them. See how we learn.

Frugal.

It’s our goal to be debt-free. We constantly minimize to maintain our goals. It’s important to encourage our kids to see value in experiences instead of stuff. We don’t like clutter in our lives or hearts. See our frugal journey.

Discipleship.

Obedience is not wisdom. We focus on discipling and it’s a constant process, reevaluating and learning ourselves. We focus on relationships, self-control, and kindness.

Proactive.

I have to plan and be proactive for our family to stay healthy and happy. We don’t punish or reward or praise. Behavior issues are not to be punished, but are cries for connection. My favorite parenting book list.

We’re not perfect. It’s been a struggle sometimes. No one has all the answers. We certainly know what doesn’t work.

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I Want Care Too

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March 23, 2015 By Jennifer Lambert 4 Comments

Holidays for moms just suck.

Moms don’t get any days off.

Mother’s Day is always a weird day.

My birthday is just like any other day.

I don’t wake up to a breakfast buffet laid in the dining room or presents and cards piled around my placemat.

And I tell myself that’s mostly ok.

I don’t even get to sleep in.

I wake up to my kids, before dawn, demanding breakfast, as usual.

Of course it’s not very popular to hate my birthday, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day…or any holiday, really.

Motherhood is an eternal negotiation of various selves — your own self with the lives around you — and a balancing of needs (by which I mean who gets to poop alone). Yes, it’s beautiful and crushing, infuriating and transcendent.

But Moms are expected to put themselves last, after their children, spouses, parents, in-laws, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, pets, neighbors.

I haven’t had new glasses in over ten years. I can’t remember when I got new underwear. I feel guilty when I get my hair done. I haven’t had a mani/pedi in over ten years.

Christmas shopping update: I bought myself something from my husband. I bought my husband something from me. I bought my in-laws something from us. I bought the kids something for my husband. And I bought my husband something from the kids. Any questions.

Molly England

My parents don’t send me gifts. Not for my birthday, Mother’s Day, Christmas. I’m an only child.

My parents possess three SUVs, pay a $850 mortgage for a 3500+ sq ft house, receive 3 retirement checks each month. They constantly complain that they don’t have enough money.

Just a couple times a year, it’d be nice to have a special day of no responsibilities. It would be nice to think anyone cared about me at all.

I don’t get any time off.

My birthday was on a Wednesday this year.

So, of course, I dragged the kids to a field trip at a local grocery store.

They got to make Easter baskets and gorge themselves on candy and snacks while I learned about the store’s features and deals.

This may seem weird, but it’s a German store and I’m American and shopping on the German economy can be tricky sometimes and it’s a little different than shopping in the American stores I grew up with. So I didn’t want to miss the lessons.

Oh, and on Wednesdays, we have music class.

We went to the playground between the store field trip and music class because the weather was gorgeous.

I’m an awesome mom like that.

I enjoyed the downtime of watching my kids freely play while I soaked up some spring sunshine.

But it wasn’t a special day. No one even knew it was my birthday.

I remember my birthdays when I was little.

I grew up in simpler times with simple birthday parties.

Every year, almost my entire school class and some neighborhood playmates were invited to a simple birthday party at my house with pink crepe streamers and a plastic disposable game of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, musical chairs, and hot potato.

When I was a teen, I invited my 2-3 besties for slumber parties. My dad was usually out of town.

As a young adult, I’d go out to a nice dinner with my significant other or friends.

My husband took me out to dinner around my birthday for a few years.

My birthdays lost their importance after I had a family.

I really, really try to make my kids’ birthdays special. I want my children to know I value them as people over mounds of stuff.

Pinterest makes me feel like an absolute failure with birthdays and holidays.

We did the crepe streamers and balloons against the bedroom door a couple times and that didn’t end well when the birthday child had a nightmare and woke up to more stuff of nightmares trying to get comforted and running into the spiderweb of birthday doom.

We don’t give our kids an expensive birthday party with a real-live pony carousel, petting zoo, rented carnival games, or gourmet have-to-order-a-year-in-advance storebought 6-layer cake decorated with real gold leaf that is more elaborate than my Publix wedding cake was.

We don’t reserve a party room at the local amusement park, bowling alley, indoor playground, movie theatre, skating rink, or water park and invite everyone we know in hopes of reciprocation.

We don’t even invite any people over anymore to celebrate events. No one comes and no one RSVPs. A few times we were left with too much cake, snacks, décor, and lots of empty chairs. I was more upset than my kids.

The stress level of competing with other moms over the kids’ birthday party events and décor is too much for me.

We just have a lovely homemade banner and from-scratch cake or pie and a homemade dinner of choice. I buy pretty paper napkins (this is special because we normally use cloth napkins!). We often go to the pool, bowling alley, a movie, trampoline park. or somewhere special and fun as a family to celebrate. We’ve had success for a few years having these frugal birthday celebrations.

As a mom, it’s hard to see time and money spent on me.

I can’t get past the cost of cut flower arrangements, a mediocre and stressful dinner out, or frivolous presents that will just collect dust or get broken or lost in our many moves as a military family.

Also there’s the dishes awaiting me from the meals that my husband and/or kids cooked. The kitchen is an absolute disaster.

I’m trying desperately to teach my kids not to feel entitled or focus on stuff. So I need to change my attitude when I get irritated that my day isn’t special. I need to adjust my expectations.

It feels like a “Mommie Dearest” kind of a moment to sit them down and demand that that my kids do something for me.

But they all miss the point: The true gift any mother wants is not to do anything.

Lyz Lenz

I won’t steal my kids’ joy by refusing the blessings of their adorable handmade gifts and cards on holidays.

While I’m in the shower.

Because moms get no privacy either.

You might also like:

  • How much is a mom worth?
  • A Mother’s Résumé
  • Mommy Guilt
  • Celebrating Holidays
  • Birthday Unit Study
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My Priority

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December 11, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 3 Comments

So, I have friends who are well into their 30s, 40s, 50s, – some with one or two kids and some without any kids and some with grown children. And others with part-time kids (they’re a stepparent).

The majority chooses to send their kids to public school. This is the expected norm. I get that. I know I swim upstream.

I don’t ask questions about lifestyle choices. I don’t pry. I don’t make snide remarks. I don’t say my way is best for you.

Why do you feel the right to make snarky comments to me because I choose to have four children? In my home. Every day. All day. Homeschooling. Working from home. Every day.

I have different priorities. My priorities have changed over the years. I’ve been refined.

I realize what’s important for me.

I’m tired of explaining that “I don’t have time” doesn’t always mean that I literally have every second of my life accounted for, but rather that “This isn’t a priority for me” or “I’m giving as much of myself as I’m able to right now.”

I’m also tired of explaining that “I don’t have the money” doesn’t always mean that I literally have every penny accounted for, but rather that “This or that isn’t a priority” or “I’m spending as much as I desire at this time.”

My Priority - I have different priorities. My priorities have changed over the years. I’ve been refined.  I realize what’s important for me.

Things I Don’t Do

No, I don’t want to find a babysitter so I can go to the coffee at 10:30 in the morning and listen to the little wifeys complain about commanders who don’t like their husbands or landlords who don’t do what they want and when and the culture differences that they don’t like since we live in Germany – or Utah – or Hawaii.

No, I don’t want to go to the girls night out when I could be at home with a healthy homemade meal and listening to my kids laugh over games or arts and crafts. My husband leaves for work before I wake and gets home at dinnertime. We like to spend a couple hours together before exhaustion overcomes us. I don’t want to miss that nightly read aloud time or Bible stories before the sweet bedtime prayers, then all the jumbles of snuggles, kisses, and hugs that almost physically hurt when four growing bodies pile on my aging, aching, sagging (squishy) one – but it fills my heart to bursting.

No, I don’t want to go shopping with you. We have all that we need and opening up my mind and heart to commercial temptation isn’t what I want to do. I don’t need retail therapy. Shopping is not entertainment for me. I have more than I need and I’m diligently working on downsizing, organizing, and simplifying. I don’t watch the sales. When I need or really want something, I buy it online or I go directly to pick that one item up (if I know it’s available locally).

No, I don’t want to join whatever club, extracurricular activity, or even church group that will further send any of us out of the house an extra night a week when we prefer to just be home together. I understand many perceive Scouts, AWANA, and other organizations are great. I don’t do scrapbooking or crafts. And I’m sure they are great for you. I just don’t want our family run ragged as we compete for participating in the most activities. We have peace. We’ve done it and the stress wasn’t worth it. We like to have meals and bedtime routines at home, together as a family.

No, I don’t want to watch your kids. Just no. I have enough responsibilities with my family – and being home all day, every day doesn’t mean I’m lonely and bored. I am working and teaching. I’m sorry you have so many engagements where your kids aren’t welcome. It should not be described as a play date either, when you need to get rid of your kid to get your nails done. I turn down many important invitations because my kids come first.

Their childhoods are short. Perhaps, there will be time for me to play on the other side. For now, my priority is discipling and developing relationships with my four children. I joyfully sacrifice for them.

I don’t want to have regrets about what I missed out on when the kids are all grown up. I want them to have good memories of Mommy being available and not running off all the time, leaving them alone or with babysitters. I want to cherish this time.

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Mommy Guilt

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October 2, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

I could write a series on mommy guilt alone.

Day 2 (and I probably won’t really have time to post on weekends, just so you know):

31DaysofDyingtoSelf.jpg

We get pulled in so many different directions as a mother.

Comforting a child in the middle of the night, changing diapers, helping with dental hygiene, planning and preparing meals, cleaning up spills, braiding hair, finding that missing soccer shin guard (why can’t she wear the pink ones today?), driving to gymnastics on a Friday evening, listening oh, so intently to the telling of nonsensical stories about the teens’ antics at youth group, monitoring online activity, limiting screen time, keeping up with seasonal clothing that fits four children and doesn’t make them look (or feel) weird.

And the devil just loves to pile on the guilt to make us doubt everything.

It’s exhausting enough doing all the mothering things without those twinges of guilt.

And then there are the moms at the library storytime, play group, homeschool co-op, church, or wherever-it-is-that-you-socialize-with-other-mothers.

It’s hard not comparing.

yeah, yeah, yeah, I know comparison is the thief of joy.

How do we eliminate guilty feelings?

No, not going out at all isn’t really a viable option, though I have seasons when I just want to stay home more.

Dying to self kinda sucks and our flesh will buck and kick like a bronco. That means you’re doing it right. Expect resistance.

1. Stay in The Word. Read and study the Bible – alone, with your husband, with your kids, with other moms.

2. Pray. Unceasingly. Especially around and with your kids. Teach them an attitude and lifestyle of prayer.

3. Be proactive. What are your goals as a mother? What do you want your relationship with your adult children to be like? Plan for that. Start now. Even if your eldest child is a few months old.

4. Find a mentor. This is harder than it should be. Lots of women talk the Titus 2 talk, but few walk the walk. Seek out a woman from church or in your community whom you admire and befriend her. Invite her over for coffee/tea/kombucha or out to lunch or for a snack at an affordable café. You don’t have to send an engraved and embossed invitation to her requesting the honor of her mentorship (though I would be your Jane Austen-ish bestie if you did that!). Just start out as friends. Most of us want to be a friend. My mentors are more or less my peers, some with kids older than mine and most with kids younger than mine. I still learn lots from them!

5. Turn off the TV. Or the Internet. Or your smart phone. Or even that relationship with that worldly neighbor. Whatever it is that distracts and encourages comparison. If you’re overwhelmed by your family (or yourself) constantly exclaiming, “I want that [insert worthless item here that will be discarded next week]!” or “She has the hottest-newest-sparkly-overpriced-thingamajig!” then it’s time to remove the temptation. It’s amazing how much more we accomplish and how improved everyone’s attitudes are since we rarely see commercials or adverts.

And all this will help alleviate mommy guilt. Mostly.

Except when you have to explain to your kids or the neighbor or the in-law why you choose to live differently and make different choices. That’s a whole ‘nother story.

It’s for your sanity, Mama.

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To Sit With An Empty Lap

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July 28, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

Motherhood is not a joy.

I haven’t gotten to that place where I can feel comfortable having a filthy house and clean hearts. I want both. I want it all. I want the spotless magazine-home and obedient, grateful children.

The expectations are too much. The ones I carry with me, the ones I perceive my husband has. All the ones I’ve picked up from various relationships, the media, church denominations.

I still struggle to tell the difference between anger and hatred.

I study other parents to learn what works…and what not to do.

I analyze the happy parents and study the miserable ones. Often, the happiest parents have the unruliest children and messiest houses.

Perhaps my priorities are all wrong.

The work overwhelms me.

The constant battling over dust and sand, dirty looks, and hateful comments thrown like darts from around corners. The lying and deceit. The laziness and shirking of duty.

It’s exhausting. I get bogged down in the checklists of laundry, meal planning and preparation, dishes, school lesson planning and implementation, flossing.

I don’t have time or energy to dance or sing…or sit with an empty lap.

To Sit With An Empty Lap

I don’t have time for my husband. The relationship that was tenuous is slowly slipping away.

Between the teeth brushing and baths and bedtimes and early risers and second breakfast, there is all but nothing left over.

And the blogging and the home business? I am such a poser. You see only a glimpse of the best: the fairy tale, photoshopped, magazine-pretty version of my reality.

The thankful journals, the hymn-singing, the chore charts, the Bible studies, worldview notebooking, the scripture memorization and copywork. The church and Sunday school attendance. VBS. All the checklists that don’t matter to Jesus or to anyone else, not really.

If they’re not hiding it in their hearts. Just going through the motions of learning lessons at face value isn’t enough.

If they’re not pouring out love, then they’re not being filled up properly.

When the stresses of the world weigh me down. When I have to walk away, biting my lip, sucking back tears, holding my breath.

I haven’t yet reached that place where motherhood is a joy, where I can laugh at spills and smile at mistakes.

The busyness is a defense mechanism. To just be still is scary, requires too much of the soft, fleshy insides to be revealed, exposed, examined. {Click to tweet this!}

And I dread being found wanting.

Even after thirteen years of motherhood and ten years of marriage, I’m not comfortable enough with myself to allow God, my husband, or my children in.

If I don’t accept love, I cannot offer it. If I don’t receive love, I cannot give it.

I struggle to find a balance of teaching the hard lessons well and stepping back to not take it personally when the children misbehave.

So, I must pray and find new ways to fill myself up with Love so I can pour it into my little ones. So I can teach them well and love them well. So there is something leftover.

Love is a verb.

Joy is a choice.

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How much is a mom worth?

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August 7, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

How do you balance it all, Mama?

I know I struggle! with homeschooling my 4 kids, meal planning, a house cleaning schedule, blogging, an essential oils business, church commitments, heart training and discipling my children, and trying to find a moment to spend time with my husband…there’s nothing left. I am drained.

Here’s a confession:

Check out this fun {not really} infographic.

I {heart} infographics. What are you worth? Look at all our job titles!

Mom Annual Salary Infographic

This infographic was created by Credit Card Insider, your trusted credit resource, providing plain-language guidance from seasoned industry veterans.

Now, tell your husband to take you out to dinner. You deserve it!

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Balancing Blogging and Mothering

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February 12, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

You’re probably a lot like I am, struggling to balance that blogging and mothering scale.

Some days, blogging just has to go right out the window when crises hit home with various needs of homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, helping my husband, or other activities that fall within my wide sphere of duty.

Christin Slade writes to us in her new book Blog at Home Mom about finding that delicate balance within blogging and mothering. She too is a homeschool mom and a very successful blogger at Blog at Home Mom.

Christin encourages us as mothers and bloggers and lays out a plan to prioritize blogging and mothering so our lives are successful and point to Christ as the head of our homes and lives.

This book was like the permission I needed to let it go and prioritize my mothering and other duties. Blogging on the side. God in control. If I’m successful, He gets the glory, because my family should come first.

I’m not one of those bloggers who has family nearby. I don’t rely on people to babysit my kids so I can work. We are all in the thick of it, all day and every day. I fit in my work in between laundry, meal-planning, cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, and rushing kids to soccer, gymnastics, music lessons, play rehearsals, Civil Air Patrol. And I struggle to make time for my husband. I struggle to relax and fit in fun. I don’t feel I have time to watch a show or read a frivolous book. If I have any down-time, I need to go, go, go! Time to work!

This isn’t a healthy attitude. I need balance.

We all need a little encouragement and a gentle reminder to set goals to ensure our testimony as successful Christian mothers and bloggers.

I loved reading this and I’m sure you will too!

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