PCS season is stressful.

I feel like our military family goes through the Five Stages of Grief every few years as we pack up and move to a new location.

The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Denial

As soon as PCS season begins to loom, I go into denial. I don’t want to purge, clean, organize, pack out, and travel to a new location.

We’ve tried to extend a year at several locations…and DENIED.

I go about my business as usual.

I pretend it won’t be happening until I can’t pretend anymore.

Anger

After getting denied our extension…and realizing others had been granted theirs…

I got angry.

I got angry at the military, at the assignments officer (who even teased us with a phone call and messed up our orders), at God, at my husband for dragging us all over for 20+ years.

I’m angry at myself for being angry.

I’m angry that we didn’t get to stay another year, even though my daughter is a senior. I’m angry we didn’t get orders to anywhere I want to go.

I’m angry about silly things too.

I regret the places we didn’t get to go. I regret so many things.

Bargaining

It’s not like we have any real bargaining chips.

We have to go where we’re told.

Even if we’re excited about the new location…

I go back and forth with possible packout dates, car shipment, what to do with the cats. All the checklist items like transferring mail, packing suitcases and backpacks, clearing the pantry. So much to do!

How much can I fit in a suitcase? Usually we’re living out of suitcases for 3+ months and it’s hard to determine how little we need, what we can live without.

If we’re not thrilled with where we’re going…

I go back and forth in my mind, wondering what we could have done differently.

Did we put the wrong locations on the list?

Are we paying for some forgotten sin?

Is there a reason we’re being sent there?

Can my husband deploy or volunteer?

And I start to think of the next station. Surely, it will be better? We only have to be at this station maybe 2-4 years. We’ll transfer as soon as we can.

Depression

Reality sets in.

I get depressed.

I start to slowly organize, purge, donate, sell items we won’t need.

I snap at my husband who always waits until the last minute to do anything.

I get anxious about our cats.

I get anxious about money.

There are so many unknowns.

I halfheartedly look at housing at the new location. I research places to visit for day trips. I join Facebook groups.

I start to distance myself from the current location.

I realize I have to say goodbye to my houseplants. I’m sad because the new people won’t love my houseplants or herb garden the way I do, the way they deserve to be loved!

Once the household goods are packed and shipped, the house always feels cold and dark and silent. Ominous. I have trouble sleeping in an empty house. There’s little for me to do to keep busy. No beds to make, no projects to complete.

This is usually the stage when I get physically ill. The stress that has built up becomes too overwhelming.

I spent one packout completely bedridden, except for rushing to the bathroom to vomit or have diarrhea. The girls were trapped in the bedroom with me since we didn’t have anyone to help. This was the one location my husband wanted so much, to be near his family members. Such a disappointment that was! It was also the worst packout we’ve ever had, with “cousins” and “friends” arriving the last day to rush the pack job and stealing some valuables I hadn’t stored properly. Because I was sick!

We’ve also had some rental horror stories.

We’ve never lived in a nice house. Most houses have been so embarrassing that we never want to invite anyone over for any reason. We’ve kinda resigned ourselves to having absentee landlords, lazy landlords, wornout and poorly kept rental houses, renting sight unseen…until we retire. We are always sure well get our deposit back from the landlord…we do our best to keep everything as nice as possible.

In the house in Utah, we’d made some expensive upgrades to lighting in the kitchen and removed wallpaper from the kitchen and living room and painted it a nice neutral color, but he kept making petty excuses. He wanted the lawn mowed and edged to perfection. In the dark! Our goods had already shipped and we hadn’t had a working lawnmower for over a month since he refused to pay to fix it. He even wanted my kids’ welcome chalk drawings power-washed off the sidewalk! We enlisted the help of neighbors to talk to him and we finally got it back later that evening.

In Germany, we had this weird fiberglass wallpaper in the kitchen. Nothing would clean off some grease spots and they had told us it was ok and could be painted, but then they tried to keep our entire deposit of two months’ rent. The housing office had to go back and forth with the landlady several times to work it out.

We are always devastated to realize how cruel some people can be. Deposits are our financial lifeline to move into a house in our new location.

 

Acceptance

The packers came. I’ve done all I could do. Luckily, we’ve been blessed with amazing teams (except that one time!) who make jokes, have fun personalities, and appreciate the snacks, drinks, and meals we provide.

I accept our fate as I stroll through my empty, cold, echoey house, awaiting the move date.

The last few days are always hard, stressful, anxiety-ridden. So many loose ends need to be tied up in such a short period of time.

I feel poignant about the memories we share about this location. The places we’ve been, the meals we’ve eaten, the people we’ve met.

I start to look forward to a new beginning.

You might also like: Dealing with Disappointment.

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We’ve PCSed four times now as a family and are planning for our fifth PCS next summer – back to the States.

We’ve done a partial DITY, two OCONUS moves, and driven across the country. Bonus points for overnight flights with babies and toddlers!

PCS is always stressful, no matter how organized you are.

There are always surprises. There are always snags in the system. There’s always something forgotten.

Here’s how to plan for your PCS:

Organize

Clean the house.

Organize everything in its place to make the next step easier. Involve everyone in the family. Make it a game.

Straighten the lesser-used areas like the garage, shed, basement, attic, wherever you only visit a couple times a year, so you don’t miss something and have to scramble last minute. I like to put almost everything in plastic storage bins. Most movers check the bins and then just tape them shut for extra protection.

Discuss with your landlord or real estate agent any repairs or updates to the house as soon as possible so there aren’t any last minute surprises.

Inventory

Inventory everything you own.

Make lists. Take pictures or video. Color-code the lists. Inventory DVDs and books. Make note of all jewelry, valuables, and collectibles. Record serial numbers of electronics.

Gather personal records and keep in a binder – birth certificates, SS cards, medical and/or shot records, school forms, insurance policies, warranties, pet documents.

Items lended or borrowed need to be returned and retrieved. Make sure to return all library books!

Make a note of all items that need to be repaired or sold or donated.

Consume

Only purchase as much as you need so you can consume items before the move.

We don’t have the storage space to buy in bulk anymore, but we still begin buying even smaller amounts of items so we’re not left with too much and have to throw it out, mail it, or figure out how to pack it. The goal is to have an empty pantry, fridge, freezer, and bathroom cabinet before the move!

Many movers won’t pack up any liquids, gels, or food items – even if they’re unopened and brand new, especially in summer months when items can melt or go rancid during the transition.

Reduce

Sell or donate items you no longer need.

We have some almost-new 220 appliances to sell.

We have some German items that most likely won’t work out in an American house.

Anything broken beyond repair should be thrown out.

I’ve listed some organizing and packing suggestions in my other PCS post.

Timeline:

1 year

As soon as possible, begin saving for non-reimbursable moving expenses. Expenses always seem to just pop up on both sides of the move.

Pets are your responsibility and have been our largest expense with vet records, shots, agriculture forms, and plane tickets.

9-6 months

Request or update tourist passports if needed.

Plan vehicle shipments if needed.

Order new credit or bank cards if expiration dates are soon.

Update ID cards if expiration dates are soon.

Discuss the move with children so they can prepare themselves for the transition. Research the new location.

3 months

Discuss that you’re moving with your landlord, and plan for any repairs or updates to ensure you receive your security deposit.

Fill out change of address forms with IRS and USPS.

Check and update auto maintenance. Ensure you have up-to-date car insurance information.

Make vet appointments for pets to ensure microchipping and shots are up to date.

Most OCONUS contracts must be terminated at least 30 days out.

Research education options, procedures, and dates for enrollment for children.

Determine which items are professional, unaccompanied, household goods, and non-temp storage.

Make reservations with TLF or hotels.

1-2 months

The military member should receive orders by now.

Request dislocation allowance.

Most CONUS contracts must be terminated at least 30 days out.

Military families can terminate contracts with no penalty with a copy of PCS orders. Cable/satellite TV, Internet, cell phones, utilities need to be cancelled or transferred. Request security deposits!

Cancel or transfer memberships and subscriptions.  Request a letter of transfer from local church and clubs, like Scouts or other national organizations.

Alert or transfer banking information to new location. Let them know you are traveling.

Renew medical prescriptions.

Clean drapes and rugs.

Store needed computer files on CD, disk, thumb drive, or portable hard drive.

Confirm transportation details with movers. Schedule pickup and delivery dates with movers and arrange for storage if needed.

Contact housing at new location for on-base options or begin house hunting online.

2-3 weeks

Separate items or label: professional, unaccompanied, household goods, or non-temp storage.

Last few days

Set aside cleaning supplies for after movers clear out.

Remove wall items like pictures, curtain rods, racks.

Have plastic zip bags of all sizes to put smaller items into to make life easier on the other side – silverware, utensils, junk drawer items, craft supplies, bathroom drawer items.

Remove items from attic or crawl space.

Disconnect electronics.

Place original boxes beside items.

Label items not to be packed or moved. Put them all together if possible.

Drain garden hoses and all oil/gas from lawn machines.

Get rid of all flammables and return or give away propane tanks.

Pack suitcases and items to carry with you and put aside.

Moving day

Make sure kitchen is clean. Take out the trash!

Remove all laundry from washer and dryer!

Strip beds.

Have pets restrained or in kennels.

Have snacks and drinks for the movers. We usually have pastries and snacks available with sports drinks and water, and ask what they want for lunch.

Have a place clearly labeled for trash items so it’s not packed.

Have colored stickers to label moving boxes. Write labels on boxes for each room.

Vacuum and clean the house once it’s empty or hire a PCS cleaning.

After the move

Register cars in new location. Update insurance and licenses.

Register children for new schools or file for homeschool exemption.

Find a new home! You typically have 30 days in TLF to find a new residence.

Update all your information with your new address.

You can often request temporary furniture items until HHG arrives.

Register for utilities and TV and/or Internet services.

Schedule delivery of goods with transportation office.

Plan for where furniture and boxes should go. Label doorjambs or lintels with colored stickers to match box stickers. Place sticky notes at each room to match box labels.

Movers should reassemble items and can unpack boxes and remove packing materials. In some places, movers can return to remove packing materials within 30 days.

Find a new place of worship.

Meet new friends!

Some moving expenses can be filed on tax returns!

Get the printable PCS Timeline Checklist!

Do you have any PCS tips or stories?

When we PCS, everything gets packed up.

Sometimes, weeks, or even more than a month in advance of our actual move.

Our options are to stay in our current housing situation with air mattresses or borrowed furnishings or move into temporary housing which is like an extended-stay hotel.

It’s never convenient, and we don’t want to eat out or buy junk food.

So, how do we still cook real food during PCS season?

We get creative.

We simplify.

We make it fun.

Usually, we clear out the refrigerator, freezer, and pantry as much as we can the weeks before a PCS. Then, we pack up the remains of the pantry, fridge, and freezer to eat in our TLF before our final out.

Another handy tip is to bake breads, muffins, cakes, and cookies ahead of time to have on hand before all that cookware is packed. Store the items in the freezer or even a freezer at church or a friend’s until TLF is ready.

We try not to cut too many corners, but obviously, our cookware is packed up and on a boat and we’re ready to travel, so making smoothies or homemade bread aren’t usually an option. The facilities in temporary lodging aren’t ideal – with few amenities for cooking well.

Sometimes, we can borrow essential kitchen items from friends or the Airmen’s Closet until our household goods show up.

Thankfully, most TLF apartments have decent coffee makers, toasters, mixing bowls, measuring cups and spoons, a colander, utensils, and pots and pans.

We usually miss good tongs, clean baking pans with silpats, good knives, and some other items we deem “necessities.” I miss my sourdough and kombucha and options for healthy cooking fats.

I pack my favorite cooking utensil, one or two good knives, tongs, and several spices (like garlic, salt, pepper, Italian herbs) inside a plastic zip bag in my checked luggage. We’ve even packed up melamine plates and bowls before to make life easier.

I don’t even play. I need these things handy with a hungry family.

A photo posted by Jennifer at Royal Little Lambs (@jenalambert) on Apr 29, 2014 at 8:42am PDT

While staying at TLF or hotels, we often purchase simple and easy to prepare foods at local grocery stores that can be grilled at a nearby park grill hut or a disposable hibachi grill. It’s not much different than what we do when we’re camping. We even eat outside if the weather’s agreeable.

When we have kitchen facilities, we make simple side dishes like rice, pasta, cous cous, quinoa, potatoes, steamed veggies, or boil frozen beans. If ovens are available, casseroles are easy for any meal. We just buy disposable aluminum pans. We don’t ordinarily use aluminum for cooking, but it’s ok for occasional use. We simplify and cut corners where it’s not a big deal.

We don’t eat much differently in TLF than at home during summer: grilled meats, veggies either steamed or sauteed, a grain side like cous cous, potatoes, quinoa, rice.

I can still rock a healthy home-cooked meal in #TLF

A photo posted by Jennifer at Royal Little Lambs (@jenalambert) on Apr 27, 2014 at 5:05pm PDT

We try to use up everything so there’s no waste.

Lat night in #tlf means we use up as much food as we can: roasted balsamic chicken thighs and wild rice with Parmesan, sautéed mushrooms, and steamed veggies.

A photo posted by Jennifer at Royal Little Lambs (@jenalambert) on Apr 29, 2014 at 4:55pm PDT

We’ve even baked chocolate chip cookie bars and quick breads in TLF in disposable aluminum pans.

Picnics are easy and frugal for road trips or easy for lunches at any point during the PCS.

We packed up sandwiches, chips, and juice for our road trip from Utah to Georgia and stopped at rest stops to eat and play.

My Top Twelve Easy Dinners for PCS or Travel:

1. Pizza.
   We love to make our own pizza!

2. Hamburgers.

   These are always a favorite!

3. Casseroles.
   Turkey Divan and Tuna Casserole are favorites.

4. Grilled or Roasted Meat and easy sides.

   We love cous cous or quinoa with a marinated meat and a veggie.

5. Tacos.
   See our homemade taco seasoning.

6. Stews.

   Beef stew and chili are easy stovetop or slow cooker meals.

7. Roasts.

   I like to roast a beef chuck or pork loin or whole chicken and have leftovers the next day! I often throw some root veggies alongside.

8. Slow cooker meals.
   We love Asian pork ribs and salsa chicken.

9. Breakfast for dinner.

   My husband usually is in charge of this.

10. Sandwiches.

    This is fun for picnics.

11. Salads.

    We like to use leftovers for creative salads.

12. Soups.
    Here are a few of our favorite soups!

 

It’s stressful not having our kitchenware and having to eat on the run with little planning.

We stay flexible and look forward to learning our way around a new kitchen and organizing it the way we like it.

Do you have any PCS tips?