I think many of us have felt lost this year.
So many changes thrust upon us and we are not in control.
An entire year that feels missing.
Many of us stay home from school and work and most other activities. I realize for many this has been a very difficult transition.
We’ve isolated ourselves and quarantine inside our houses with our family bubble.
We also realized that many people are not capable of caring for others or following science and health safety guidelines.
I really just don’t have a lot of sympathy for people crying they can’t go to Target without a mask or needing to eat dinner out in a restaurant.
We’ve lived through many crises this year – a pandemic, forest fires, political upheaval, natural disasters.
What will we do next year? Do we really want to “go back to normal” when normal wasn’t really working?
What if we’re not lost?
What if we’re right where we ought to be?
What if we’re…found?
While our homeschooling lifestyle hasn’t much changed with the quarantine, we do miss the freedom of extracurricular activities.
(For people confused about what freedom, liberty, rights, and privilege mean – I spell it out in my Independence Day Unit.)
We narrowed our focus even more.
Perhaps we would have missed opportunities for blessings if we were distracted by other things.
We explore our backyard nature – the woods and nearby pond. We hike when it was safe at local parks.
We bought a house. We probably would have even under other circumstances. We cleaned our new house top to bottom, inside and out. We certainly had time. We did some repairs and updates. We organized and purged clothes, books, toys and more. We donated items when thrift shops reopened. We’re streamlining our possessions to what is best needed and used well and beautiful.
We’re certainly on screens a lot – social media, Netflix, games, etc. But the kids decide to play board and card games or D&D or draw or paint or bake cakes or skate quite often. They have natural cycles and their own needs and desires and balance their time pretty well. They have no schedules.
We’re continuing our regular studies, relaxed and unhurried. We read lots of books and research our interests.
I had surgery – laparoscopic myomectomy. I’ve working hard on myself – healing and growing.
My eldest daughter decided not to return to college this year. Online school was difficult for her last semester and she didn’t feel she could continue for this whole year. She wanted to explore other options. She is focusing on her mental health.
Then she decided to move out the first week in November. At first I was heartbroken and hurt. I felt betrayed. Why would she do this when she has freedom and security and no worries? At least it’s not with a toxic, abusive boyfriend. Then after two weeks, she was laid off from her new job. She went on numerous interviews and has a few offers.
Parenting young adults is hard but I’m learning.
What blessings will these sudden changes bring?
So, even though we’re existing in a liminal space, an in-between, unknown realm of possibilities…we are learning to recognize what is important right now.
Maybe we can use this time for rediscovery. We can reconnect.
We could examine ourselves and our values. What do we want our future to be? What do we want our society and our country and government to look like? What will we tell our children and grandchildren about this year and how we changed for the better?
It sometimes feels that we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. There are moments and days of darkness when we’re sad and angry and just feel hopeless. I know I’m tired.
These are the times when we shed a few needed tears, hug our families close, snuggle our pets, water our houseplants, make a warm cuppa, look out the window, and dream of a better tomorrow.
We must stop telling ourselves that we’re lost.
We might be on a road with no discernable destination. We’re just rolling along with hope that we might find a place we like, to stay.
I’m not lost. I’m on my way.
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