Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Staying Balanced

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It was hard for me to learn how to balance when my kids were little – juggling all their needs while homeschooling and caring for the home, sometimes while my husband was deployed.

Lately, I find myself almost bored, lost with too much time and not enough to do.

I find myself thinking: shhh, slow down. To myself, to my kids.

My eldest is all on her own. My heart breaks a little with every struggle she faces.

My middle two are attending university this year with CCP. The first time they’ve ever attended a school! My heart is aflutter. I know they’ll do fine, but it’s all just so new. And new is often scary.

And then there was one.

My son is twelve and we anticipate a fun year as we move into high school homeschool work. He’s worried he will be lonely without his siblings! He has no desire for a co-op or group activities or field trips.

I’ve seen so many changes this last year in my kids. They need me less and less and that’s a good thing, but it is also bittersweet. I strive to teach them a healthy work-life balance – in spite of our society’s values and the other authorities in their lives.

There are so many opportunities everywhere that it’s sometimes hard to choose and narrow down the choices so we’re not overwhelmed.

It seems the expectations increase the older my kids get.

But we don’t have to follow the crowd and do everything that everyone else does.

Balancing Act

I want my kids to be healthy in mind and body – and having a busy schedule with work, school, and activities often does not allow for this. It seems only to get worse and busier as the kids get older. I struggle to find balance and to make time for them to eat well and sleep enough and be able to play.

Sleep Schedule

My kids seldom have to wake up early and we don’t have to fight over bedtimes. They’ve been homeschooled their whole lives. I have noticed their natural habits and I am thankful that I haven’t had to fight those normal rhythms.

We don’t have to go to bed early in order to wake up before dawn to catch a bus or stand in a drop-off line. There are no hours of silly homework or rushing to complete projects after dinner and before baths and bed.

My kids have never had to wake up early to study last minute or to complete an assignment before school because they have never attended school. They’ve never had deadlines or assignments or homework or tests.

They’re relaxed and less stressed than many of their peers who only know rushing, busyness, being tired from not enough sleep.

My two eldest daughters have jobs that sometimes require early wakeups or later hours on their schedule and it bothers me that it doesn’t have to be this way for young people. They don’t have to enter this world yet. They have chosen this and sometimes it’s hard waking up early or working late. We try to limit the teen jobs to fifteen hours a week since she started school.

I don’t do really well myself, staying up too late reading. I don’t like waking up to alarms and sometimes struggle in the mornings.

Really, we could all use a slowdown and rest more. We used to get along just fine without 24-hour stores and constant availability.

Naps are good. Rest time and down time and quiet time is needful.

Eating Schedule

We as a society struggle with eating healthy. Perhaps our busy schedules have something to do with that.

My kids eat when they’re hungry. They have a huge variety of healthy foods and some fun snacks and treats for whenever they want something.

Also, my kids can use the bathroom whenever they need to use it.

Rushing does not aid digestion. Sitting still all day, every day does not aid digestion.

I remember rushing out the door to meet the school bus while eating a poptart in the brisk morning air. I remember creeping through the lunch line for a carb-filled tray that had to be devoured in 15 minutes before heading back sit still and quiet in a classroom for three more hours. We never had water bottles and the hall water fountains either didn’t work well or the water was warm and bitter. I was constantly hungry and dehydrated.

So meal times are important to me. I want my kids to have fond memories of food and meals.

My kids have a hot breakfast every single morning.

My kids have a lovely leisurely lunch with lots of veggies.

We always have a sit-down dinner together with salad and lots of veggies.

I worry and struggle to make healthy family meals happen in spite of work and activities that constantly want to disrupt the schedule.

Play Schedule

As my kids get busier with their classes, work, and activities, I struggle to maintain some downtime for them. I want them to be kids as long as possible. I want them to play and have fun and be stress-free and worry-free.

There is plenty of time for adult things later. I want to hold on to my kids for as long as possible and protect their innocence and youthfulness.

I have tried to limit my kids’ activities so they don’t get overwhelmed. One does aerial gymnastics twice a week. One does ice skating and art. My son is on an elite baseball team. My second child has a part time job and we agreed to limit the hours to fifteen during school.

I don’t monitor screentime. I don’t have chore charts. We don’t take tests in our homeschool. We work together to get household needs accomplished. I help my kids study for their quizzes and tests.

I see so many ads and posts for tutoring and classes and courses and lessons and clubs and events. I know some families who sign their kids up for all of the things. Those children are surely exhausted, all the time. And we wonder why everyone has a disorder or mental illness? We don’t have to rush to keep up with other people who set false standards.

Babies don’t need reading or math tutors.

I want my kids to have time to play – to watch the movies, to create, to play games, get outside in nature, visit friends and festivals and amusement parks – before the rush of college and adulthood and needed jobs take hold.

Kids need time to play, time to rest, time just to be kids. While I don’t follow a strict schedule, I make time in our natural flow for meals, sleep and rest, and playing.

We all need to slow down.

I’m worried about their peers who always seem to be exhausted and rushed to the next thing.

Everything has become so unnatural.

We have replaced kids’ free time and outdoor playtime with classes indoors that are monitored by adults – teachers, coaches, nannies, babysitters, parents – tutoring sessions, sports training, music lessons, gymnastics and tumbling and parkour and ninja.

There is hardly a moment when kids have to themselves to make a decision or rest or paly naturally without supervision that they don’t know what they want without being told by an adult.

All the checklists we’re supposed to follow to prepare for college – standardized testing, scholarships, forms, meetings, sports, clubs, volunteering. We don’t have to do any of that. Everything will work out in the end no matter if we rush through it and stress about it or wait until the right timing.

I don’t want my kids so stressed out that they have no good memories of their youth.

It’s not a race.

The Holistic Psychologist

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Prioritizing Rest

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This last year or so has highlighted so much that is wrong about our individualist society. I grew up with the message that I should work more, harder…push…bigger, better, faster, more. Even to the point of collapse. Mental health be damned. Just push through physical exhaustion or illness. The prosperity gospel perpetuates this mindset – just fake it ’til you make it. It’s dangerous and wrong.

We have witnessed some privileged rich and famous people taking breaks and stepping away from the limelight to protect themselves and set boundaries. It’s a great thing to see them modeling health for the rest of us, but if we as a society cannot allow for rest, it just spotlights the problems even more. We pride ourselves on our self-reliance and grit to our detriment.

Naysayers (and even I at times) wonder at what point do we push on with courage in the face of fear and adversity or just quit? When do we know what to do? Most of us don’t have that luxury – paid time off, savings for vacations, help with responsibilities.

How many people feel trapped by their circumstances and cannot or refuse to rest or quit? We see so much depression, anxiety, disordered eating, and more. What will it take to wake up and make systemic changes?

We live in a rat race society. I refuse to succumb to the hustle.

We have had seasons of rushing and I didn’t like it. We tried to fit in and do all the things – signing our kids up for every activity, volunteering for everything at church, doing, going, hurrying. I didn’t feel safe or content and I think our health suffered with the added stress.

I had to learn how to say no. And NO. is a complete sentence. I had to learn how to discern what we should and could do with our time, protecting our rest, limiting ourselves to what felt safe and sure.

Thankfully, we are in a season we are able to get enough sleep and rest. I don’t have to stay busy all the time.

My youngest is eleven. I remember the days when he was a baby and toddler and seemed never to sleep. I don’t really miss those times. I love having big kids and teens.

How we rest

I wake up naturally most mornings. I don’t like alarms. I don’t like to be rushed. I don’t think success is waking up before dawn, unless that’s natural and normal for someone. I don’t function well in the early morning.

I don’t make appointments for mornings if I can help it.

During summer, my kids each choose a camp realizing they have to plan to go to bed and wake up earlier to get ready.

Every morning, I refill the bird feeders and I sit on my deck with my tea and our two cats, watching the birds and damselflies. I inspect my garden for new blooms and ripe tomatoes. I love birds and gardening.

I make a hot breakfast for my three kids who live at home every weekday morning. My husband has weekend duty.

Most months, the kids and I do read alouds after breakfast.

The kids usually watch Netflix with their lunch of leftovers or homemade ramen.

Afternoons are usually carefree and easy. The kids work on science, history writing, arts and crafts, hiking and exploring, bug watching, reading, baking. I read or clean or run errands. We sometimes go to the library or a park. I try to schedule appointments in the afternoons – dentist, orthodontist, therapy, doctor, vision. My kids are now old enough that they can stay home alone for a couple hours so I can go by myself to my own appointments or just take the one child to their appointment. I don’t like rushing, so I leave with plenty of time to arrive safely without feeling anxious.

The kids have classes a few evenings a week. One does aerial gymnastics twice a week. One has art classes and ice skating. One plays elite baseball.

We try to have dinner together every night. Occasionally, we eat while watching a TV show and Fridays are usually homemade pizza and movie nights. Some nights are difficult to plan, with art, gymnastics, if my son has a baseball game or practice. I don’t like rushed meals. I don’t like having two dinnertimes. We try to have an early dinner (preferable) or a later dinner to accommodate these evenings. Often, on nights we don’t have activities, we go for a walk after dinner or play cards or board games.

While the kids don’t have a specific bedtime, I encourage winding down and getting in bed by about ten at night. I know this is when our bodies are ready for sleep. I feel the natural melatonin kicking in and my body temp lowers and I get sleepy. I teach my kids to listen to their bodies. We try to limit devices and screens before bed, plugging them in outside bedrooms, and turn off the WIFI at bedtime. We prioritize sleep so our kids grow well and perform at their best.

We worked hard to get here, to this place of peace and rest.

9 Types of Rest

  1. time away
  2. permission to not be helpful
  3. something ‘“unproductive”
  4. connection to art and nature
  5. solitude to recharge
  6. a break from responsibility
  7. stillness to decompress
  8. safe space
  9. alone time at home

Resting is doing.

I am not about that capitalist grind. I don’t have a home business. I am not that boss mom or whatever. I realize how incredibly privileged I am to stay home as a mom and teacher. We have worked hard to get to this place.

I am introverted and highly sensitive. I don’t enjoy being busy. I don’t enjoy crowds or excessive noise.

I protect my kids’ time and childhood. We don’t overschedule. I want them to have lots of time to play instead of every moment of their day filled with programs.

I refuse to push my kids with their academics or make them hate their passions and hobbies by attempting entrepreneurship. They have freedom in our homeschool to explore and go at their own pace. They choose to take classes for art or sports or new activities with spaces and tools we don’t have in our home. We are in a place where my young teens can choose to do volunteer work for experience if they desire – since they legally cannot work yet. I don’t think that older teens or young adults should waste their time with unpaid work. Their time is valuable too and they should be paid for work.

My son chooses to do elite baseball and while I am so proud of him and his growth with the sport, I am not thrilled with missed or delayed meals or rushing to pack healthy portable snacks for games in the middle of breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I have stressed about games far from home and how my son will eat if there isn’t a grocery store nearby for me to acquire healthy choices. We observe with dismay the families who choose to eat greasy fast food during game breaks and then their boys play poorly and sluggishly. There are times when my husband has to take our son to practices or games and I have to take another of our children to a class or appointment. I can’t be everywhere at once.

My middle kids are in high school and I refuse to stress them out with tests, driving lessons, college prep, part time jobs, or volunteering. I offer them opportunities so they can make choices. I coach and guide and answer questions. I do so much research. I am constantly telling my kids to protect their time. I teach them to say no and manage their schedules wisely. There will be time enough for them to stress later. I don’t want to add any anxiety.

My eldest is on her own and I am sad for her hustle to survive and trying to be healthy and happy. Good paying jobs with a healthy work environment are scarce and having a certificate or college degree is no guarantee of insurance, competitive pay, or decent treatment.

I limit my interaction and time on social media. I encourage my kids to be careful online and protect their time. I am impressed that they can and do often walk away often to pursue other interests.

I love that my kids still like exploring and hiking in the woods, playing in the creek, biking, roller blading, skateboarding. They’re often the only kids I ever see outside. They ask to play cards or board games after dinner. They play Legos and Wii and Switch together if the weather is too much.

Fitness and exercise seems even to be stressful for many people. I refuse to overwork myself. I love programs that are short and intense and I do see results. Every evening after dinner, I walk about 45 minutes around this little pond park about a half mile from our house. It’s peaceful and I enjoy seeing the waterfowl, bunnies, sometimes deer or horned owls, even a coyote.

I take a bubble bath with Epsom salts every night before bed. I have chamomile tea and read or watch a show. This is my alone time and I protect it.

I still read a story to my son every night at bedtime. Then I usually read an eBook until I can’t see the words anymore and fall asleep. Screens before bed aren’t recommended. I turn off the blue light with settings and I haven’t noticed any problems.

How prioritizing rest helps:

  • Better digestion
  • Better nighttime sleep
  • General contentedness
  • Less stress
  • Time for exercise
  • Peace
  • Less forgetfulness
  • Less anxiety
  • Less clutter
  • Deeper relationships
  • Time for spontaneity
  • Creativity
  • Better immunity

It’s important we model rest for our children so they have better health. We don’t have to hustle like everyone else.

Resources:

How do you prioritize rest?

Linking up: Grammy’s Grid, Pinch of Joy, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Mostly Blogging, Suburbia, House on Silverado, Stroll Thru Life, LouLou Girls, InstaEncouragements, Shelbee on the Edge, Jenerally Informed, OMHG, Blue Sky at Home, Anchored Abode, Life Abundant, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Ridge Haven Homestead, Girlish Whims, Ducks in a Row, Penny’s Passion, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Debbie Kitterman, Slices of Life, Embracing Unexpected, Modern Monticello, Fiesta Friday, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Hubbard Home, CWJ, Create with Joy, Being a Wordsmith, Pieced Pastimes, Pam’s Party, Simply Sweet Home

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Maybe We’re Not Lost

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I think many of us have felt lost this year.

So many changes thrust upon us and we are not in control.

Plans canceled.

An entire year that feels missing.

Many of us stay home from school and work and most other activities. I realize for many this has been a very difficult transition.

We’ve isolated ourselves and quarantine inside our houses with our family bubble.

We also realized that many people are not capable of caring for others or following science and health safety guidelines.

I really just don’t have a lot of sympathy for people crying they can’t go to Target without a mask or needing to eat dinner out in a restaurant.

We’ve lived through many crises this year – a pandemic, forest fires, political upheaval, natural disasters.

What will we do next year? Do we really want to “go back to normal” when normal wasn’t really working?

What if we’re not lost?

What if we’re right where we ought to be?

What if we’re…found?

While our homeschooling lifestyle hasn’t much changed with the quarantine, we do miss the freedom of extracurricular activities.

(For people confused about what freedom, liberty, rights, and privilege mean – I spell it out in my Independence Day Unit.)

We narrowed our focus even more.

Perhaps we would have missed opportunities for blessings if we were distracted by other things.

We explore our backyard nature – the woods and nearby pond. We hike when it was safe at local parks.

We bought a house. We probably would have even under other circumstances. We cleaned our new house top to bottom, inside and out. We certainly had time. We did some repairs and updates. We organized and purged clothes, books, toys and more. We donated items when thrift shops reopened. We’re streamlining our possessions to what is best needed and used well and beautiful.

We’re certainly on screens a lot – social media, Netflix, games, etc. But the kids decide to play board and card games or D&D or draw or paint or bake cakes or skate quite often. They have natural cycles and their own needs and desires and balance their time pretty well. They have no schedules.

We’re continuing our regular studies, relaxed and unhurried. We read lots of books and research our interests.

I had surgery – laparoscopic myomectomy. I’ve working hard on myself – healing and growing.

My eldest daughter decided not to return to college this year. Online school was difficult for her last semester and she didn’t feel she could continue for this whole year. She wanted to explore other options. She is focusing on her mental health.

Then she decided to move out the first week in November. At first I was heartbroken and hurt. I felt betrayed. Why would she do this when she has freedom and security and no worries? At least it’s not with a toxic, abusive boyfriend. Then after two weeks, she was laid off from her new job. She went on numerous interviews and has a few offers.

Parenting young adults is hard but I’m learning.

What blessings will these sudden changes bring?

So, even though we’re existing in a liminal space, an in-between, unknown realm of possibilities…we are learning to recognize what is important right now.

Maybe we can use this time for rediscovery. We can reconnect.

We could examine ourselves and our values. What do we want our future to be? What do we want our society and our country and government to look like? What will we tell our children and grandchildren about this year and how we changed for the better?

It sometimes feels that we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. There are moments and days of darkness when we’re sad and angry and just feel hopeless. I know I’m tired.

These are the times when we shed a few needed tears, hug our families close, snuggle our pets, water our houseplants, make a warm cuppa, look out the window, and dream of a better tomorrow.

We must stop telling ourselves that we’re lost.

We might be on a road with no discernable destination. We’re just rolling along with hope that we might find a place we like, to stay.

I’m not lost. I’m on my way.

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My Laparoscopic Myomectomy

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My cycle was regular and asymptomatic since I was 13.

But the last three years, I got tired of suffering each month with extremely heavy periods. I even landed in the ER a couple months ago.

Ultrasound and MRI showed two fibroids, probably in my uterus for a decade or longer.

Who knows, really? Since the only time doctors took scans were to view pregnancies.

What are fibroids?

Uterine fibroids are noncancerous growths of the uterus that often appear during childbearing years. Intramural fibroids grow within the muscular uterine wall. Submucosal fibroids bulge into the uterine cavity. Subserosal fibroids project to the outside of the uterus.

Estrogen and progesterone, two hormones that stimulate development of the uterine lining during each menstrual cycle in preparation for pregnancy, appear to promote the growth of fibroids. Fibroids contain more estrogen and progesterone receptors than normal uterine muscle cells do. Fibroids tend to shrink after menopause due to a decrease in hormone production.

After removal, they can grow back. I have years before menopause, so I worry.

Symptoms of Fibroids:

  • Heavy menstrual bleeding
  • Menstrual periods lasting more than a week
  • Pelvic pressure or pain
  • Frequent urination
  • Difficulty emptying the bladder
  • Constipation
  • Backache or leg pains

I had all those symptoms for a really long time.

My belly is still big even though my youngest child is now 10. The few times I asked doctors about my bladder issues and tummy flab, I was dismissed.

I feel really let down by the medical community. No one really knows why women get fibroids. No one really know hows to stop them or treat them. Women’s health doesn’t seem a priority.

A female NP prescribed Mirena IUD to see if that would help my symptoms, just a bandaid.

I agreed to try it to reduce my estrogen and see if it would shrink the fibroids or reduce my period bleeding.

It didn’t help at all.

I weighed all my options. I didn’t want anything removed that didn’t have to be. Many doctors only do hysterectomies because that’s easier for them and a permanent solution to many gynecological problems.

I chose to remove my uterine fibroids with Robot Assisted Laparoscopic Myomectomy.

Thankfully, Wright Patterson Air Force Base hospital has a doctor on staff highly trained. She has been wonderful and I was able to get the surgery scheduled, even during the pandemic.

Before Surgery

I wanted to be as healthy and strong as I could be so I would have the quickest and easiest recovery.

I’ve been exercising and eating well for months, but I really ramped it up this last month and lost a few more pounds and got very toned. Still can’t lose this C-section pouch, but maybe with the fibroids removed, it will help.

No fish oil or flaxseed or anything that could thin the blood for two weeks prior to surgery. I had never heard this before. No vitamins or supplements for 72 hours prior to surgery to ensure no interactions with anesthesia or drugs.

I ate very light the few days leading up to surgery. No alcohol. Less caffeine.

I stocked the fridge, freezer, and pantry with quick and easy healthy foods for the kids and my husband to make. I planned dinners based on worst case scenario since I really didn’t know how I would feel the first week. I made them promise to make and eat vegetables.

Day of Surgery: Thursday

Nothing to eat after midnight. Just like a Mogwai.

I did not opt to sip water or Gatorade up to two hours before surgery. I hydrated well the last few days. I have a history of vomiting during my four childbirths, so I was very nervous about that. I’ve never had general anesthesia before so I was worried what my reaction might be.

I wore comfy loose clothes so I wouldn’t have to worry about anything tight across my belly.

I showed up at 0545 and got prepped for my 0700 surgery.

I got changed in to a surgical gown and got an IV.

I had already signed all my consent and risk forms. A nurse verified everything and asked some questions. It was quick and easy since I have no prior conditions and I take no prescription medications. I’m pretty healthy and boring.

Pre-surgery meds for pain, muscles, nerves, and an anti-nausea were in pill form. I got an anti-nausea patch behind my left ear that works for three days. I got anti-anxiety meds and saline through my IV. I got compression boots to relieve swelling and that was a great relief to me since I usually swell up very badly with IV fluids. I was told I would probably receive a block injection in my abdominal muscles before surgery to help alleviate pain.

The techs, nurses, and anesthesiologists were all so very comforting.

Last thing I remember was viewing the OR and it seemed like a whole crowd of people in there and my doctor asking if I liked her music as two nurses held and rubbed my hands.

My husband said he got an update that they had begun and another update when I was going to the first recovery.

I woke up rather suddenly and it didn’t seem to take long for me to get released home.

I was wrapped with a thick elastic velcro belly band and that thing was sure a life saver.

I was sent home with ibuprofen, Tylenol, and tiny Oxycontin. Also Colace for a stool softener.

I had a larger incision in my navel and two small ones on either side. There were gauze and Tegaderm over the incisions. There were steri-strips over the stitches. The stitches dissolve. Granulation tissue appears as the tissue comes together and heals. It can be red and puckery or white.

The two fibroids were 75.4 grams, 10.0 x 8.5 x 1.5 cm.

I wasn’t under too many restrictions. No heavy lifting. No driving until off pain meds. It was a long weekend, so I had plenty of help with my kids and husband home. I didn’t drive for over a week.

After Surgery

First Evening

I was very woozy and dizzy and not at all hungry the whole first evening.

I had to force myself to sip water, Gatorade, and apple juice until I felt I could eat a little. I was pretty queasy.

My belly was very sore and swollen. I had a huge bruise under my belly button. A heating pad helped so much.

I had pretty horrible gas pains all evening Thursday and all day Friday. The Colace helped and I took that for a few days.

My throat and diaphragm were terribly sore from the breathing tube for a couple days. Ricola herbal drops helped.

Day 1: Friday

I slept in my recliner in the living room for the first two nights, Thursday and Friday.

I was able to eat more normally by Friday afternoon and I felt my appetite return. Still, I ate light, less than I really wanted. I was still pretty woozy.

I walked to the end of my street and back.

The doctor called to check on me and told me I could remove the bandages and shower.

My husband grilled some honey lime chicken breasts and I ate ok.

Day 2: Saturday

I was able to shower. My kids told me I smelled like hospital so I guess that was their way of telling me I should bathe.

It took a long time to get over the dizziness. I had no energy or stamina for a week. It takes about that long for all the meds to wear off.

Saturday was a painful day. I started getting nerve pain in my incisions and cramps inside worse than any menstrual cramps I’ve ever had. My pelvis felt sore and heavy.

I was able to sleep in my bed.

We had our usual pizza night but I could only eat about a third my usual portion.

Day 3: Sunday

I took off the belly band because I didn’t think my belly was getting enough air to heal well. My belly button was too moist and the steri-strips fell off.

I walked one lap around our neighborhood pond.

My husband grilled a tritip steak and I was able to eat that ok.

Day 4: Monday

I felt pretty good and proud I didn’t need the support of the belly band anymore. My muscles weren’t as sore.

I did my regular walk around our neighborhood pond: 3 laps.

My husband made cashew chicken for dinner and I ate that ok.

Day 5: Tuesday

Rough day. I was so sleepy and woozy all day long and just longed to go back to bed. I was sore and crampy.

I craved salt so my husband made homemade potato chips with kielbasa for dinner.

Day 6: Wednesday

I felt better with more energy. I sat outside in the sunshine and sunned my belly to heal.

I was able to eat a little beef stew for dinner.

Day 7: Thursday

My two smaller holes are almost completely healed and barely visible. I was worried my navel incision was getting infected. I had diarrhea all morning and a slight fever. General malaise.

I made delicious spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.

Day 8: Friday

Still had diarrhea this morning and slight fever. Worried about infection. Got more steri-strips for my belly button incision which was not healing as well as I had hoped. Doctor said it is not infection, but it is angry.

Still have bruising on my pelvis and where the IV was in my hand.

Pizza night again! I made a white chicken pizza.

Day 9: Saturday

Rainy all day. I didn’t do much today. Resting is good.

My husband made homemade Philly cheesesteaks and fries for dinner.

Day 10: Sunday

Rainy all day. I was quite lazy. Resting is good.

My husband grilled an eye of round roast for dinner. I roasted a sheet of veggies.

Day 11: Monday

Didn’t sleep well.

Follow-up Appointment with my surgeon. My belly button wasn’t as healed as she liked. She told me to use bacterial ointment on the wound and cortisone for my rashes.

This was the first time I drove since the surgery.

Still feeling bruised and wearing jeans was probably not the best choice. The button was irritating.

My dishwasher died and I’m in mourning.

I made chili and tacos for dinner.

Day 12: Tuesday

Didn’t sleep well.

My kids had a dentist appointment and after waiting on that two hour ordeal, I was pretty tired the rest of the day.

We bought a new dishwasher and will get it installed in a week. I’m still in mourning.

My husband grilled salmon and chicken. I made couscous, sauteed spinach, and salad.

Day 13: Wednesday

I weighted 139 when I woke up!

Didn’t sleep well. Woke up with a bad headache.

I was tired all day.

My belly button is still bright pink and puckery.

I put my belly band back on for my walk around the pond and the rest of the afternoon for extra support.

I made borscht and goulash for dinner in the slow cookers.

Day 14: Thursday

It’s the two-week mark!

I feel strong. Sneezing and coughing doesn’t hurt.

My digestion is still off a little.

My bladder doesn’t feel as inflamed as it did before the surgery. I don’t feel the same urgency or spasms.

My belly button is almost completely healed. The scars are barely noticeable. My hand still feels bruised from the IV!

We cleared out the fridge of leftovers for dinner this night.

What’s Next?

I’m making changes to my lifestyle to insure healing and hopefully these fibroids won’t grow back.

I don’t smoke. I’m cutting way back on my alcohol intake. My D levels are good. I walk almost 2-3 miles every day. I’m not overweight and I’m almost back to what I weighed 15 years ago, but stronger and more toned. My blood pressure is great.

I’m increasing my fiber intake. Potassium-rich foods, full fat dairy like cheese and yogurt, and green tea are in my daily diet.

I’m avoiding sugar and soy. I just learned to avoid flax since it’s an estrogen-increasing food.

I read the Mediterranean Diet is best for overall health, but especially for women’s hormonal issues.

I already love the foods I ate in Italy and Greece and I’m incorporating more recipes into my daily repertoire. I’m learning about other cuisines from the Mediterranean region, which varies greatly. So thankful my family is willing to experiment and try new flavors and textures.

I go back for my last follow-up appointment with my doctor in early November.

Hopefully after my follow-up appointment, I will be cleared to begin exercising regularly again. I may look into abdominal massage if I still can’t lose this tummy after resuming my workouts.

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Quarantine with Kids

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Why are so many of the neighborhood kids playing together like it’s a holiday?

Why is that child down the street having a lemonade stand?

Why is this neighbor’s sister’s family visiting them?

Why is that neighbor’s out of state family here celebrating his birthday?

Why are the pet owners, walkers, and runners at the neighborhood park not wearing masks or social distancing?

Too many people believe the government and news media, instead of medical professionals. Or maybe they just don’t care?

While there are low-contact activities like tennis, biking, or hide and seek for children to play together, it’s unreasonable to expect children to self-regulate during play time with others outside their household.

Parks and playgrounds and schools are closed. This isn’t to say that kids can just play together in each other’s yards and houses. Many experts in health care warn families to keep their kids safe by not allowing play dates with others outside the household.

Exhibiting no symptoms doesn’t mean we aren’t carries who can potentially infect others. We don’t know where you’ve been and who you have interacted with, potentially spreading the virus exponentially.

I realize America and most of Western society is very individualistic, but maybe we could look to more collectivism and expand our views to care for others as a whole rather than just think about ourselves.

Many families did these last few weeks of school at home, online or by distance learning. This is not homeschooling! Homeschoolers don’t isolate ourselves in our homes and we’re suffering too with cancellations of activities, park closures, and libraries closed.

It’s true I don’t know everyone’s situation. It’s also true that it’s very hard for many be shut up together in a house all the time when they’re not at all used to that schedule.

Yes, I know it must be hard. This is not normal for anybody.

What narrative are we telling our children about this virus and quarantine? What can we do?

We can be honest with our children.

It seems that lots of parents just aren’t even telling their kids what’s going on.

Trust me, they can handle it. They want Truth. They want Respect.

We need to give kids more credit for their natural intelligence and empathy.

We don’t have to give them more info than they can handle for their age and mental capability, but we shouldn’t just pretend they shouldn’t know what’s going on in the world. We don’t have to incite fear.

They surely have noticed things are different. Schools are closed and activities are canceled. Parents are out of work or working from home. Restaurants are closed or takeout/delivery only. Schedules are surely different.

Tell the children why. Discuss. Listen to what they have to say. Answer their questions. What are the lessons we can learn?

We can model appropriate social distancing when we leave the house.

Social distancing means

  • not going out unless it is necessary. Necessary reasons to go out include buying food, getting medical care, or going for a walk or a bike ride alone or with members of the household.
  • closing schools, restaurants, shops, movie theaters, and other places where people gather
  • not getting together in person with friends
  • working from home if possible
  • not taking public transportation, including buses, subways, taxis, and rideshares

My children have not visited a store since our Ohio stay-at-home order the end of March.

My husband and daughter are essential workers and their work hours haven’t changed.

I do grocery shopping weekly alone or with my husband. My husband occasionally grabs something we need or forgot on his way home from work.

We can practice safe practices like hand washing and mask wearing.

Better safe than sorry:

  • Keep your family home and away from others as much as possible. Don’t have friends and extended family over, and don’t go to their homes. People who look healthy still can be infected and can spread the virus. That’s why it’s important to stay away from everyone, even if they don’t seem sick.
  • If you have to go out, make sure you are at least 6 feet (2 meters) away from other people. Viruses can spread when someone sneezes or coughs out tiny droplets. They may even spread when people talk. These droplets don’t usually travel more than 6 feet before falling to the ground. Also, follow the CDC’s advice and info on wearing a cloth face covering (or a face mask, if you have one).
  • If you’re caring for someone who is sick, take all recommended precautions. It’s important to keep that person away from others.

We wash our hands regularly and especially after returning home from the store.

My husband wears a mask at work and when he shops. The kids remind him to wash his hands when he enters the house at the end of every day.

My teen daughter wears a mask at work. She washes her hands when she returns home.

I wear and mask when I shop. I wash my hands when I return home.

We also have moved our shoe bench into the garage and remove our shoes there.

We wash work clothes more frequently.

We can limit our exposure to others by staying home or in our own backyards.

Yes, it’s really hard to have all extracurricular activities canceled. My kids miss it very much. It’s normal to be sad about this and I sit with them in their disappointment.

It’s hard when the neighborhood kids ask my son to play and we have to say no. It’s not my place to explain why to those kids. My children ask me why they’re all playing together when they shouldn’t. It’s a hard circumstance.

I know we all miss our friends and family members. Trips, events, celebrations have been canceled. Grandparents are cooped up and miss their grandkids.

Kids who are used to having their schedules and activities dictated and planned for them need some adjustment time.

Parents can provide a list of appropriate and safe activities that kids can do alone, with siblings, pets, or parents. Set aside blocks of time for kids to do independent work, chores, play and other time blocks for sibling or parent time.

Scavenger hunts are fun activities to keep friends connected without touching and exposing each other. Lots of groups, cities, neighborhoods have planned fun hunts.

Write letters. This is an important, almost lost skill. It’s fun to send and receive mail!

Online games, facetime, and video activities are great ways to keep in touch and interact.

Have movie night each week and read together.

Play board games, do puzzles, draw or crafts.

Spend time outdoors as a family, safely distancing from others. Go fishing, biking, fly kites, skate or roller blade, hike the woods where spaces are open to the public.

I am saddened by so many kids who have never experienced these activities because families never had the time or interest.

Invite fun new hobbies into your lives: like bird watching or gardening.

Get to know your kids and spend time more wisely.

Live more simply.

We can monitor the media we view and believe.

We have media overload.

We may need to turn off the TV, radio, social media.

This includes family and friends who think this virus is a hoax or protest stay-at-home orders.

We may want to set boundaries with those friends and family members.

Human lives are more important than a haircut or restaurant food.

I’m tired of the “What if…” games.

I’m tired of people thinking they’re the exception.

I’m tired of everyone not helping to flatten the curve.

Restaurants, stores, specialist medical offices, personal care shops reopen amidst protests to save the economy…is it worth it to get our hair cut and munch on fresh eggrolls and go to bars for live music? Even schools are reopen, risking the health of so many children.

It is right to risk the lives of a few hundred or thousand individuals? Are they expendable for the economy? Is it right to sacrifice a few for the many to be more comfortable?

I pray for all of us who are affected (or seemingly unaffected) by the virus. We are all connected.

Our children are watching us and how we react to this crisis. What do we want them to remember?

Privilege is when you think something is not a problem because you’re aren’t affected personally.

L.R. Knost

Linking up: Random Musings, April Harris, Marilyn’s Treats, Create with Joy, Anita Ojeda, Grammy’s Grid, Little Cottage, Mostly Blogging, Home Stories, Mary Geisen, InstaEncouragements, Purposeful Faith, Our Home, LouLou Girls, Suburbia, Our Three Peas, Ginger Snap Crafts, Grandma’s Ideas, My Life Abundant, Welcome Heart, Soaring with Him, Worth Beyond Rubies, Anchored Abode, Penny’s Passion, Crystal Storms, Debbie Kitterman, Slices of Life, Life Beyond the Kitchen, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Simply Sweet Home, Katherine’s Corner, Embracing Unexpected, Lyli Dunbar, CWJ, CKK, OMHGW, Kippi at Home,

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Homeschooling During Quarantine

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Ohio has been in quarantine lockdown since April 1.

Many parents are working from home and school are closed so life looks a little different.

But many families are in crisis, wondering how they will pay their bills. Those stimulus checks won’t last long.

The families forced into quarantine when the schools closed are not homeschooling.

It’s crisis schooling. It wasn’t a decision. It was forced. Most are miserable, confused, scared.

My parents live in Georgia and they were only on lockdown for a couple weeks and it’s worrisome.

Stores and services are reopening, but not schools. Maybe next fall. And it’s probably too soon. Many families are planning to keep their kids home and accept the offer for online options from the public schools. They may find that successful, preferable, or they may realize there are other ways to learn.

I know our friend down the street loved completing his lessons super fast online and having free time.

Being a homeschool family doesn’t mean this isn’t hard.

Being introverted doesn’t mean this isn’t hard.

Even though our lifestyles don’t look that much different at this time, it’s still stressful.

We’re used to having the freedom to do what we want, when we want. We used to go where we want, not relying on traditional school schedules. We like to avoid crowds.

Libraries are closed and we miss it.

Local parks and playgrounds are closed and we miss it.

Sports and extra activities are canceled and we miss it.

We missed Easter. We had just started attending a new church.

My college daughter’s classes all went online. It’s hard because the professors aren’t used to that so they simplified the assignments and made grades easier. She misses her friends and freedom. We worry about fall semester and are noticing some small colleges are closing forever. She works part time at a bank and only their drive-thru is open. She realizes she is fortunate to be an essential employee.

The lovely spring weather beckons and we play in the yard and driveway. We explore our backyard woods and creek. My son rides his bike or scooter. The girls rollerblade and skate.

We’ve quietly celebrated four birthdays – mine and three of the kids. Homemade cake, favorite breakfasts and dinners, presents and movies. We don’t do big parties, so this is just our normal.

We’re finishing up our books and regular curriculum and we are getting bored.

There’s nothing to look forward to.

If it were winter, we probably wouldn’t do much different. Since we’re finishing up our formal lessons for the year and heading towards summer, we have to find creative ways to occupy our time. We used to do formal school year-round, but the kids like to have a month or so of a break these last few years. It’s becoming very hard with everything canceling through summer now.

I’ve never liked the word “homeschooling” because how we learn and live looks so little like school.

We just live life, learn what’s interesting, focus on fun activities and skills. We can do and learn the things we’ve only talked about and never found the time.

Academics are not as important as relationship.

We’re disappointed with all the neighborhood kids playing together like they’re on holiday. We wonder what their family’s narrative is for why school and work are canceled, stores are closed, people wearing masks. Do they think this is a hoax? Those public and private school kids and parents are exposing all those families while we the homeschoolers are following the rules and social distancing from everyone who doesn’t live in our house. It’s very frustrating.

My kids haven’t been out since March. I see lots of children in stores with their parents and while I realize child care is often an issue, I worry they’re being exposed or exposing others to illness.

Homeschooling during Quarantine

  • Learning new recipes
  • Playing games – online, board and card, video. We have a Wii and Switch.
  • Watching movies and shows on Netflix, Amazon, Hulu.
  • Arts and crafts
  • Deep cleaning each room
  • Painting or refinishing furniture
  • Organizing and minimizing – although we can’t donate anything right now.
  • Getting outside as much as possible while keeping social distance from other families and individuals
  • Nature study
  • Gardening
  • Yard work
  • Exercise
  • Online classes
  • Bible study
  • Literature unit
  • Foreign language study
  • Electives
  • Read, READ, read

Is there a lesson in quarantine? What is the lesson in all this?

Also, we’re bingeing apocalyptic media. Because that’s our style of humor and memes are therapy.

How is your schedule or lifestyle different during quarantine?

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Prayer for Quarantine

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For all those who think they’re unaffected by a virus.

Insulated in a bubble of wealth without reason.

Dark hair roots show when they remove their red hats.

We can all see who you really are now.

Thinking the economy is more important than a soul.

Confused by authority, leadership, contradictions.

Crying over puppy videos while calling the police on black and brown people.

Who are you to deny that we are all connected?

Medical professionals who cry in the hallways like hysterical Cassandra and her unheard prophecies.

Giving birth alone, hearing ecstatic or dire medical news alone, attending medical appointments and procedures alone.

Being too scared to go to the ER with heart attack or stroke symptoms or an injury.

Immunocompromised or disabled and invisible.

The individuals who die alone in silence, forgotten, mere statistics.

Who is essential?

The lack of paper products and cleaning supplies.

Crying over restaurant closures and having to make food for oneself.

The leavening disappeared from store shelves and now swamps the news.

Scarcity doesn’t affect everyone equally.

What is necessary?

The celebrations passed over.

Coming together with online streaming.

Dates that were looked forward to, milestones that meant so much.

The teens crying over missed prom, sports, graduation, college orientation.

The parents whose hopes are locked away in their bedrooms playing video games.

The kids watching their friends from windows, online, social media.

Abusers locked away with their victims.

Who are the helpers?

The privileged ones who fight for their right to party while starving beggars sit at the grocery store door palms up.

They had a secure job a month ago. They were living the American dream with all their expensive toys and debt, keeping up with the Joneses.

Sheep led to the slaughter with jeers and cheers.

Maskless protesters demand rights, but not for all.

We need more than a hug and a Snickers bar.

Who is expendable?

Even those who long to just go back to normal know in the corner of their minds that it wasn’t a good normal.

Desire to create a better simpler normal, including all, loving all, welcoming all, protecting all.

Let us pray.

Let us act.

Let us love.

Let us change.

Let us heal.

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Lessons from Quarantine

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I didn’t even realize my normal introverted stay-at-home-homeschooling lifestyle was called “quarantine” until people started having real meltdowns on social media about being forced to stay home, work from home, not eat out, not socializing with friends at bars, restaurants, parties, etc.

People seem to really not like their kids, cooking at home, staying home, or walking in nature.

For years, everyone has underestimated my desire to stay home. I’m an introvert and I’m tired of apologizing for my simple lifestyle.

Schools are canceled. College classes are canceled. Churches are closed. Restaurants and stores are closed. Sports are canceled. Libraries and other fun places we would occasionally go to are closed. The kids’ gymnastics and ice skating lessons are canceled.

Very little of this really affects me but I’m trying so hard to empathize with people who are upset about it all. I am amazed at how well my kids handle disappointment and I’m sometimes struggling.

While I understand these times are hard for extroverts like my teen daughter, we can adjust and help each other through this.

What can we learn from quarantine?

Let us live in hope of a better day.

Lessons from Quarantine

Love Your Neighbor.

I’m very concerned by people who are living in denial that this virus is dangerous and deadly. I’m concerned about people who are still traveling and vacationing.

I’m worried about the people who can’t get their needs met – the people laid off, unable to work, immunocompromised, starving children, abusive families, those with mental illness.

The economy is surely hurting and will take a while to recover. Perhaps this is the time our leaders can rethink how wealth is distributed and what programs should be in place as societal safety nets.

I love seeing people offering to help others – by picking up groceries or however people need help. All the online threads with GoFundMe and payment apps to help pay bills. As long as it’s not caremongering – posturing and flashy “look at me and all the good I’m doing!” Performance-based-Christianity is a virus itself.

But it’s sad we weren’t more prepared as a nation and world. May we come out on the other side of this with new perspective in how to serve others.

Many church leaders are posting mini services and prayer chains on social media. They offer hope and connection to those who are anxious and scared.

We’re all learning how to love and it’s so, so sad to still see hate, exclusion, blame, and negativity out there.

Boundaries.

While I’m used to being at home with my kids all day, every day…the mental load of realizing that we shouldn’t go out and all our extracurricular courses are cancelled and no one can play or socialize with friends is still very hard.

I’m not really much of a rule maker, but I have to institute some boundaries to make sure we don’t regress into chaos since weekends aren’t anything anymore. I’ve never really stressed about screentime, but I will not have disrespectful attitudes.

My almost twenty year old daughter is struggling with having her freedom sucked away. I do get it. It’s difficult for a fledgling adult to have her wings clipped and it’s not her fault. Her anxiety is running rampant. Her college classes were canceled for the whole semester and everything is online and she doesn’t do well with that education model. She has a part-time job at a local bank and she’s at least able to work a few days a week at their drive-thru (the inside bank is closed) when many cannot work. It hurts me that she would prefer greasy fast food instead of our home cooked meals. I will not have her treating her young siblings like her peers, showing them inappropriate Tik Tok videos, Instagram, or Snapchat, and wanting to watch unsuitable films and shows with them.

There have been lectures, slamming doors, angry texts, and rolling eyes. It’s really hard to be a gentle parent sometimes. I’m not sure what to do or say since it all seems wrong.

My husband works from home most evenings and weekends while still going to work Monday-Friday 7-5. He’s a military medical lab manager and it’s stressful everywhere in the medical communities right now. I’m feeling sometimes like I did when he was deployed. He’s here, but he’s not really here.

Sometimes, I really just want to be alone for an hour – in my home office, on the deck, in the bathroom. In silence.

Simplicity.

I like the simple life.

We cook all our meals at home. Restaurant closures don’t affect us at all since we rarely dine out and rarely get takeout and never delivery. I’ve never used a meal delivery service and I don’t plan to start. I’m concerned for food service industry and their jobs and well-being more than my lack of ability to get prepared or precooked food.

We’ve been striving to get debt-free for years and we are getting pretty close. Our investments took a hit as I’m sure many others have noticed. We’re not especially worried since we’re in that for the long haul.

I’m not much of a shopper. I mean I order tons of things online for our homeschool and when the kids ask for something (and they rarely ask for anything!). But I really loathe going inside stores. I don’t care about fashion or accessories or jewelry or makeup. I love seeing the beautiful regular people using this time to show us their tutorials online though.

Of course it’s easier not to spend money and pay off debts when there’s nowhere to go and no one to visit. There’s no point in buying anything.

We read Deuteronomy 15 along with history read aloud of the 2008-09 housing crash and that really was interesting in light of current events. Perhaps we really need a Jubilee?

We’ve been cleaning and purging for spring. Making much needed updates and repairs that have been on our list for ages. We just bought our house!

We read lots. That doesn’t change. We’re bingeing dystopian film and books too!

We do lots of creative things like art, crafts, jewelry…

We play Legos, board games, Switch and Wii, iPads…

We evaluate our priorities and lifestyle all the time and continue to simplify.

Going Outside.

I’m seeing so many more people outside – walking, running, skating, biking, with dogs. They mostly keep a good distance and wave or call hello. It’s pleasant and I hope it continues.

The outdoors aren’t closed or canceled except when they’re getting swamped with people not following the distancing rules.

We love nature and the outdoors and we still do our almost daily walks around our pond and hike off in the woods in our backyard. We play in our driveway and yard.

We love seeing the blossoms and buds that are new each day as the seasons change. We watch the birds and squirrels. We await the new babies.

The warmer weather and sunshine are very welcome.

Making Memories.

We’re pretty doing the same things we’ve always done.

Our life is mostly unchanged.

I wonder what memories we will have of this time in the years to come… What will our kids tell their children? What will history say of us?

We baked brownies and breads, learned how to perfect homemade pasta, had more meals with our families, bought bidets during the great tissue shortage, and shared more of our lives online with our neighbors, friends, and family.

Sometimes, we have to go offline and protect our anxious minds. Perhaps we can grow from this time of rest.

Maybe we’re understanding what community means.

We’re learning what love means in a time of crisis.

How are you passing the time?

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Apocalyptic Media to Binge

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We’ve been quarantined only a week or so and so many of us are unironically binge watching and reading apocalyptic movies and literature.

It brings a weird comfort. Maybe some how-to manuals. Sometimes a laugh at how unrealistic it is.

Apocalyptic Media to Binge

Movies

My kids couldn’t finish Outbreak, they said it was too real. We’ve watched lots of these end of the world movies. We love aliens, zombies, sci-fi, and fantasy.

Books

We do read alouds in our homeschool every weekday morning.

We’re reading We Make the Road by Walking by Brian McLaren. We’re finishing up our Year 4 history with the last 25 years and it’s so hard, y’all.

Many of these selections are also on my Dystopian Book List.

What are you reading and watching these days?

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Do Not Fear

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We live in a fearful time.

Anger is often disguised fear.

People act irrationally when they are fearful.

Sometimes it’s hard.

Fear breeds empty girls – fake girls with no opinions. Girls who smile when they want to scream and laugh when they need to cry. We are not that girl. We are the ones they’ve called witches. The ones who have too much to say and who feel too much. We are the ones with fire in our blood and we are not afraid anymore.

Brooke Hampton

Why do we experience so much fear?

Fear of nature

Many public places have signs warning to stay out of the water, off the grass…look but don’t touch.

I’ve witnessed parents, surely well-meaning, admonish their kids to not get dirty outside, don’t play there, don’t get in that, stay off the grass.

They’re kids.

They’re supposed to get dirty and play in the creek, grass, woods, in trees.

Kids are washable.

Of course, nature can be violent and unpredictable and we should prepare for severe weather conditions.

But usually, there is no bad weather, and we should model for kids that nature is good in all seasons. We should teach and model respect and awe for bugs, animals, plants, trees, waterways, the oceans, the environment.

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.

Margaret Atwood

Fear of others

Americans seem to have always had an us/them mentality.

I’ve seen it in the news and on social media a lot these last few years. Immigration, racism, misogyny, poverty. It’s so sad.

I try to teach my kids that we are one human family.

We are global citizens.

What may not affect me or you personally still may affect someone we know, or someone they know. When did the commandment Love thy neighbor become exclusionary?

I am raising my children to be revolutionaries who are nonviolent and hopefully will help change this world for the better.

I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created.

Romans 8:38-39

Fear of the unknown

It’s normal to feel a little apprehensive in new situations and to worry about the future.

But when worry develops into paralysis or anxiety, it’s not healthy.

It’s easy to tell people to have faith, be calm, trust, and let it go.

It’s hard when we’re in the thick of a crisis or difficult time.

Looking back over hard times, it’s easy to see how I perhaps unnecessarily worried, but at the time it was so hard to be patient and wait for an answer, a healing, better times.

Fear of risk

As parents, we long to protect our kids at all costs.

But it’s healthier for them to understand risk – their own abilities and limits.

While I followed behind my toddlers to catch them if they fell, I soon took a more hands-off approach as they became preschoolers and school age.

Now, they’re all over age 10 and I am in awe of how they fly without my hovering.

Some healthy risk, of course, is fine, but taking it too far isn’t a good idea.

We need to strive to be debt-free and not take too much financial risk. We shouldn’t be daredevils and test fate with our lives. We need balance.

Fear of failure and imposter syndrome seem to be more prevalent these days.

Fear of real connection

I have realized there seems to be a shift in our Western society of lack of connection.

I see it in the rise of addiction.

I see it in the divorce rates.

I see so many broken homes. I see rampant abuse and dysfunctional relationships.

People are quick to live only on the surface, never really getting to know neighbors, coworkers, even their own spouses and children before it might be too late.

I have no friends. People unfriend our family on social media as soon as we are out of sight to our next military base. We are disposable.

They were more important to us than we ever were to them.

I see such lack of support for women – working mothers, stay at home moms. There is a lot of misogyny and childism.

Our society doesn’t respect women, children, disabled, or elderly.

Our society blames people for being poor. or disabled. or different. or Black.

Is is time to worry yet?

Not yet.

It’s not time to worry yet.

Atticus in To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Conquering Fear

Sometimes, it’s almost too easy to give in to panic and herd mentality. We are bombarded with fake news or information with tiny threads of truth and lots of hateful opinion designed to promote division and fear.

Anxiety tricks you out of the “now” as you obsessively replay and regret the past and worry about the future. It tricks you into losing sight of your competence and your capacity for love, creativity, and joy. It tricks you into believing that you are lesser and smaller than you really are. Anxiety interferes with self-regard and self-respect, the foundation on which all else rests.

Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self 

Most of us are generally unaffected by the stock market, viruses that come from strange places, innercity turmoil, gas prices, racism, extreme poverty.

Gratitude and privilege will not save us.

Manage expectations, emotions, and reactions. Take it easy. Be proactive and stay flexible.

It’s how we react and what we do during times of emergency that show our true hearts.

Fear makes us grab traditional, routine ways of doing things. Or it might be so intense that it throws us for a loop and makes us run around wild. Both types are not the Christian joy Jesus speaks of.

Henri J. M. Nouwen, Following Jesus: Finding Our Way Home in an Age of Anxiety

From Adam Hamilton in Unafraid:

F: Face your fears.

E: Examine your assumptions in the light of the facts.

A: Attack your anxiety with action. 

R: Release your cares to God.  

Tip delivery people and wait staff well. Buy gift cards direct from local stores and restaurants to use later.

Wash your hands. Cover your mouth. Take your vitamins. Don’t in fistfights at Kroger over toilet paper.

Realize that others may have different lifestyles and experiences. Single parents struggle with child care. Wage workers can’t pay their bills if they don’t work. Some students are finding themselves homeless without their work-study programs, meal plans, and dorms. Overwhelming debt cripples this country.

Always be kind.

Don’t panic.

Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear expects punishment. The person who is afraid has not been made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18

Jesus calls us to rise higher than fear, worry, anxiety, judging, and not loving others in Matthew 7.

Are we generous or not?

You might like my other post about Fear.

What could you do if you weren’t afraid?

We’re all just walking each other home.

Ram Dass

Being fully present to fear, to gratitude, to all that is—this is the practice of mutual belonging. As living members of the living body of Earth, we are grounded in that kind of belonging. Even when faced with cataclysmic changes, nothing can ever separate us from Earth. We are already home.

Joanna Macy

In “Why Are Americans Afraid of Dragons?” I talked about how so many Americans distrust and despise not only the obviously imaginative kind of fiction we call fantasy, but also all fiction, often rationalizing their fear and contempt with financial or religious arguments: reading novels is a waste of valuable time, the only true book is the Bible, etc. I said that many Americans have been taught “to repress their imagination, to reject it as something childish or effeminate, unprofitable, and probably sinful. . . . They have learned to fear [the imagination]. But they have never learned to discipline it at all.” I wrote that in 1974. The millennium has come and we still fear dragons.

Ursula K. Le Guin

Resources:

  • The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin de Becker
  • Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig
  • Conquering Fear: Living Boldly in an Uncertain World by Harold S. Kushner
  • Unafraid: Living with Courage and Hope in Uncertain Times by Adam Hamilton
  • Unafraid: Moving Beyond Fear-Based Faith by Benjamin L. Corey
  • The Alchemist: A Fable About Following Your Dream by Paulo Coelho
  • Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm by Thich Nhat Hanh 
  • Do It Scared: Finding the Courage to Face Your Fears, Overcome Adversity, and Create a Life You Love by Ruth Soukup
  • Me And My Fear by Francesca Sanna 

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