Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Real Self Care

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So, so many of us are stressed.

We are bombarded with articles and ads and memes and even admonitions from family and friends to practice more or better “self-care.”

Even the authorities in lives – parents and pastors – criticize us for not taking more time for ourselves, but without offering any real help.

Images of self-care are bubble baths with wine and candles or expensive spa days with facials and massages and pedicures.

Honestly, that’s not even what relaxes some of us, not to mention how many can’t afford it.

Consumerism often just adds to our problems.

Self-care shouldn’t contribute to your stress!

Is it betrayal or burnout?

Many of us don’t have any help.

Our society tells us we need to be supermoms. We should be able to do it all and look young and smooth and stylish and cheerful while succeeding.

This is not reality.

This is about our culture and the lack of public policy. We don’t have universal healthcare or affordable childcare or paid leave or even reliable income. Expenses rise and salaries stays the same.

Spouses don’t do enough for whatever reason. We have little support. Family might live far away or be inconsistent or even toxic. Few can afford to hire domestic labor to do the work we often have to put aside but feel guilty about all the time.

Expensive supplements or vitamins or even prescription meds are not the end-all, be-all solution. Therapy isn’t the answer to a broken sick and society. The immediacy of the Instagram self-care is seductive and we are told we can get quick gratification fixes, but that’s a lie. That’s the betrayal. Burnout isn’t fixed with a candle or pedicure.

It’s like we constantly have a check engine line flickering and we aren’t even sure what we need anymore.

There’s lots of discussion about boundaries. But boundaries are a privilege. That no has a cost. That cost is high for many who don’t have a luxury of saying no without consequences.

What happens if we say NO to a parent? To our child? To our spouse? To our boss or coworker? To a sister or friend? Often, there is pushback or negativity or toxic behavior. Seldom is there respect and understanding.

As women, especially as wives and mothers, many of us have been conditioned to believe that our needs come last. Some of us have even been trained to think we shouldn’t have any needs at all. The presumption is that our wellbeing doesn’t matter or the only way that it could ever matter is if it leads to more wellbeing for the kids.

Biologically, we want our children to have their needs met, even to our own detriment. Selflessness is our value. But even in emergencies, we are instructed to place the oxygen mask on ourselves before placing them on our children. We shouldn’t be martyrs.

If we cannot breathe, we cannot help another.

But what is real self-care?

There are lots of metaphors and people have different needs.

We really, truly do not have to compare ourselves to others – to past generations, to our neighbors or siblings or friends, and certainly NOT to anyone we see with picture perfect curated social media accounts.

We don’t have to do what they tell us.

“Eudemonic wellbeing is based on this theory of wellbeing means that your values, your internal values, and your life choices are aligned. It’s the opposite of hedonic wellbeing which means that wellbeing is the absence of suffering.” – Pooja Lakshmin

We each have choices to make. We must envision what life we desire. How do we want our weeknights, weekends, and holidays to look? Do we want family dinner every night or the sports practices and lessons with the kids every evening? There never seems to be a third option.

Self-care means self-awareness and self-acceptance. Sometimes, things just suck. Acknowledging that, figuring out what you might be able to change, and getting support can help. But the first step is to let yourself feel your feelings.

Let’s move away from performative ideas of self care that we see in commercials. We need to curate a life we don’t need a vacation from.

We need to fill up our tanks – our “energy reservoirs.” We can’t wait around and expect others to do that for us. We must learn how to be self-aware and seek out what we need. If we can keep even some of our reservoirs full, we will feel much more fulfilled and capable.

Our energy reservoirs are: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social.

We need to make sure all the tanks get frequently refilled. We can only neglect a tank for a little while before it feels overwhelming.

Physical

This physical reservoir relates to our physical health, our physical wellbeing.

This pertains to how we sleep, eat, exercise. There are also negatives that drain our tanks – such as drug or alcohol use, smoking or vaping, poor hygiene, sporadic diet, lack of sleep, being sedentary.

Many people focus on the physical tank to the detriment of other tanks. It’s easy to recognize when this tank needs filling. But remember, the body never lies.

Some issues with this tank when others are too long neglected are hyperfocusing on food or exercise to the point of addiction or disorder.

Mental

Our mental tanks are about our knowledge and wisdom and how we use that.

I need my mental tank much more stimulated and refilled more often than some other people I know. This sometimes makes it hard for me to replenish my mental tank and I often just need to retreat to be alone to read or research or meditate. It’s often difficult that I don’t have anyone to discuss current events or art or books with, so I just ferment in my grief.

Some love the history documentaries or reading or doing puzzles. There are seasons when this tank is used more or less. We should have a hobby we don’t have to monetize.

Emotional

Emotional batteries run on emotional intelligence.

We need to become aware of our emotions and how to regulate our reactions to the emotions of ourselves and others. Many of us need to work on self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. We weren’t taught these things and it creates a lot of conflict that could be avoided.

There are no bad emotions. Many of use can’t handle anger or any negativity. Anger is not a bad thing, but it can take over if it is not properly managed.

We can learn nonviolent communication and practice healthy conflict resolution.

Spiritual

Spirituality is not just about religion. It’s mostly about morals, kindness, self-compassion and relationships.

Some of us prefer to spend time in nature like forest bathing or volunteering to boost our spiritual cravings. Music and art can help us achieve our spiritual needs. Meditation and worship are very popular ways to boost this tank.

Social

Our social tank is refueled when we spend time with people we care about and who genuinely care about us.

Social connection is important and often overlooked. We live in a disconnected world. So many of us experience loneliness, even when surrounded by so many people.

I do not care for transactional relationships. I prefer quality over quantity. I also like and need to be alone, which is confusing and distressing to some people who thrive with more social interaction.

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” – Audre Lorde

The stressors are most likely not going to go away, but they can be prioritized.

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Women’s Health

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Women are not just small men. Aristotle was wrong.

All the books and articles and research into health care and practices over centuries focused on men.

There is still so little we know about women and our anatomy and all the experiences surrounding women’s experiences with adolescence, fertility, menstruation, breast health, childbearing, menopause.

We are constantly ridiculed in doctor’s offices. Our pain is waved away. It’s all in our heads. Are we overweight? Are we imagining it? We’re told to take ibuprofen, try a warm bath, don’t stress.

Our symptoms don’t exhibit the same way for the same conditions as men’s symptoms are more well-known.

I had an abortion when I was 22.

I was a different person then – scared, poor and in debt, no insurance, newly married and separated from an abusive man I would later divorce, shamed by evangelicals, finishing my master’s degree, and in line for my first real job.

I wrote about my abortion here. I’m tired of editing that article, so I’m writing this one from a different place. I think the trajectory of my life would be drastically different if I had not had that abortion. I certainly don’t think my life would be better. It was a difficult choice, but I still think it was the right choice despite all the trauma it caused.

My parents kind of forced me into it like I was a young shamed teenager. They convinced me I would be ruined for life, saddled with a child too young and unable to really care for it properly. In a way, they were right, but they were not very helpful, caring, or supportive.

My parents never spoke to me about it again after that day.

Not talking about it is worse.

My first husband told me to tell his family that I had a miscarriage due to the stress of our separation, and I stupidly went back to him out of guilt or something. But that’s another story.

The evangelical Christian church shamed me. They told me that my baby or baby’s soul would look down on me from heaven in disgust. I would never deserve to have more children. I was unfit to be a mother. I was a murderer. I was a sinner beyond forgiveness. They wanted me to be haunted and scared forever. They relished my discomfort.

This is control.

I don’t attend church anymore.

But those lies still live in me – the patriarchy, the spiritual abuse, the hatred and disdain.

All four of my childbirth experiences were traumatic. Medicalized childbirth is dangerous and I was treated like a thing and condescended to by all the medical professionals and my own family members.

I have three teens who were born with uteruses and my fourth child is a boy. I am 46 and haven’t reached menopause yet.

It’s taken me this long to be able to come to terms with all the problems I have faced with my health. And I am a very healthy person. I cannot even imagine what other women face with their health if they have chronic pain or illness or weight.

And if I, a WHITE WOMAN with wealth, health, and great insurance experience so many issues with receiving good health care, what in the world is happening to poor women? to women of color? to women who are seen as other? Women are often left without care, with less than stellar care, with little or no pain management, ridiculed and humiliated.

Women are DYING.

Government Intervention

I am beyond devastated that states are enacting forced birth laws and government-mandated childbirth.

I’m concerned about what could happen to my children or even myself if there were unwanted pregnancies from rape or complications with wanted pregnancies. So many news articles discuss doctors unable to perform necessary procedures to save a mother’s life during ectopic or miscarriage.

In August 2022, a pregnant Missouri woman named Mylissa Farmer suddenly needed an abortion, just over a month after her state enacted its near-total abortion ban. Her water had broken 17 weeks into her pregnancy, and her medical records indicated a number of health factors placing her at greater risk of pregnancy-related complications, including increased risk of sepsis, loss of her uterus, and even death. Farmer is also 41-years-old. Doctors treating her recommended an abortion, but, of course, couldn’t provide her one under state law. Source: Jezebel

When one side of the “discussion” decides that the other side is murdering babies, there isn’t a discussion anymore – there’s a war.

I don’t want to hear your arguments for overturning Roe v. Wade. I don’t want to hear your pro-life praise.

At six weeks, it is “cardiac activity” (no organ has formed) in an embryo that is smaller than a grain of rice. It is not a “fetal heartbeat.”

Most of us love life and babies. Babies are a miracle. I do NOT support forcing pregnancy or childbirth on anyone who doesn’t want it.

Forcing sterilization on anyone is eugenics.

Pro-Life?

The pro-forced birthers are really good at marketing.

Pro-life is a misnomer. It’s simple politics. Pro-lifers only care about white men who are valuable to the capitalist machine. Children, disabled, poor people…these are not valuable. Women are not valuable. People of color are not valuable; they are seen as a threat.

I’ve seen hundreds of tweets about telling women to stop having sex if they don’t want to get pregnant but I’ve seen few calls for men to become celibate or sterile. It will never cease to amaze me how little men are blamed for getting someone pregnant. This is about control and patriarchy.

Men don’t suffer in childbirth; there is no risk involved for men. So many mothers forced into motherhood and risking their lives to give birth. Where will all the unwanted babies go? We already have overwhelming numbers of children in foster care.

My eldest and I have Mirena IUDs, supposedly to regulate and reduce our periods, which doesn’t always work.

My husband had a vasectomy after our fourth child (a boy) was born, and no one asked for my consent!

I’ve read some politicians are wanting to limit contraceptive devices. This is a frightening misuse of power that will endanger so many lives.

Some states are enacting obscenity laws about gendered clothing, or rules for girls playing sports that require menstruation tracking.

Anyone can have an opinion. Your opinion should only govern you. Celebrating policy that revokes the rights of millions is not an opinion; it’s bad politics. No one cares about your opinion. It’s your politics that’s a problem.

Women in Pain

It is ridiculous that I tell my kids to exaggerate and I also have to exaggerate my symptoms or pain levels to be taken seriously. I have often sent my kids to the ER or a regular doctor appointment with my husband, their father, to ensure they receive better care. I often have my husband accompany me to appointments like I am an inept child because I have received poor care in the past and the medical professionals will often talk to him about me like I’m not even in the room.

Also, women should be able to be sedated during IUD explant and implantation. It’s a very painful procedure, even after childbirth. The medical community doesn’t care about women’s discomfort. We can get more help from dentists for procedures than we can for procedures involving women’s parts.

Women can’t get labs when we want to know why we have symptoms. See this thread.

I know I have been dismissed many times when suffering from “women’s problems.” I suffered for years with incontinence and fibroids. I have seen the other women in my family suffer with urinary and gyno issues and receive no care.

Out of desperation, women turn to dangerous supplements and herbs, trying to relieve pain and discomfort and symptoms.

There is no such thing as hormonal balance and no herb/plant can change hormone levels.

Dr. Jennifer Gunter

Women can’t request sterilization. So many doctors refuse elective procedures like tubal ligations or hysterectomies during child-bearing years. These doctors require waiting periods, spousal consent, and other demeaning concepts (like questioning “what if something happens to your living children?” or “what if you change your mind?” or “surely you want to try for another child of the other gender?”) because women do not have bodily autonomy.

Also, insurance often does not cover elective or preventive procedures like pelvic floor therapy.

A little over a year ago, I had surgery to remove two uterine fibroids. They really wanted to just remove all my parts because that’s easier for the doctors. I am mid-40s and it’s a military hospital. The language was so demeaning. There was no follow-up or recovery care.

Rape Culture

Not enough people are talking about consent and rape culture. We need to teach all genders consent from a very early age, practicing with babies even! We need to change how we view bodies and autonomy. Most of us were taught sex ed from a high school sports coach and that’s tragic.

I constantly see articles in the news and on social media protecting abusers and hushing victims of abuse and assault. The pastors are transferred to another church and the women are told to keep quiet, pray more, forgive. Comedians are not really cancelled and are selling out auditoriums while the abused women are silenced and suffer. The #MeToo and #ChurchToo movements did some to help, but it’s not enough and there are still rape apologists who make the road harder.

And for the people who claim they would never get an abortion, great! But you don’t get to decide for everyone. You never know the circumstances and decisions others must make for themselves.

Also, period products should be FREE.

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Staying Balanced

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It was hard for me to learn how to balance when my kids were little – juggling all their needs while homeschooling and caring for the home, sometimes while my husband was deployed.

Lately, I find myself almost bored, lost with too much time and not enough to do.

I find myself thinking: shhh, slow down. To myself, to my kids.

My eldest is all on her own. My heart breaks a little with every struggle she faces.

My middle two are attending university this year with CCP. The first time they’ve ever attended a school! My heart is aflutter. I know they’ll do fine, but it’s all just so new. And new is often scary.

And then there was one.

My son is twelve and we anticipate a fun year as we move into high school homeschool work. He’s worried he will be lonely without his siblings! He has no desire for a co-op or group activities or field trips.

I’ve seen so many changes this last year in my kids. They need me less and less and that’s a good thing, but it is also bittersweet. I strive to teach them a healthy work-life balance – in spite of our society’s values and the other authorities in their lives.

There are so many opportunities everywhere that it’s sometimes hard to choose and narrow down the choices so we’re not overwhelmed.

It seems the expectations increase the older my kids get.

But we don’t have to follow the crowd and do everything that everyone else does.

Balancing Act

I want my kids to be healthy in mind and body – and having a busy schedule with work, school, and activities often does not allow for this. It seems only to get worse and busier as the kids get older. I struggle to find balance and to make time for them to eat well and sleep enough and be able to play.

Sleep Schedule

My kids seldom have to wake up early and we don’t have to fight over bedtimes. They’ve been homeschooled their whole lives. I have noticed their natural habits and I am thankful that I haven’t had to fight those normal rhythms.

We don’t have to go to bed early in order to wake up before dawn to catch a bus or stand in a drop-off line. There are no hours of silly homework or rushing to complete projects after dinner and before baths and bed.

My kids have never had to wake up early to study last minute or to complete an assignment before school because they have never attended school. They’ve never had deadlines or assignments or homework or tests.

They’re relaxed and less stressed than many of their peers who only know rushing, busyness, being tired from not enough sleep.

My two eldest daughters have jobs that sometimes require early wakeups or later hours on their schedule and it bothers me that it doesn’t have to be this way for young people. They don’t have to enter this world yet. They have chosen this and sometimes it’s hard waking up early or working late. We try to limit the teen jobs to fifteen hours a week since she started school.

I don’t do really well myself, staying up too late reading. I don’t like waking up to alarms and sometimes struggle in the mornings.

Really, we could all use a slowdown and rest more. We used to get along just fine without 24-hour stores and constant availability.

Naps are good. Rest time and down time and quiet time is needful.

Eating Schedule

We as a society struggle with eating healthy. Perhaps our busy schedules have something to do with that.

My kids eat when they’re hungry. They have a huge variety of healthy foods and some fun snacks and treats for whenever they want something.

Also, my kids can use the bathroom whenever they need to use it.

Rushing does not aid digestion. Sitting still all day, every day does not aid digestion.

I remember rushing out the door to meet the school bus while eating a poptart in the brisk morning air. I remember creeping through the lunch line for a carb-filled tray that had to be devoured in 15 minutes before heading back sit still and quiet in a classroom for three more hours. We never had water bottles and the hall water fountains either didn’t work well or the water was warm and bitter. I was constantly hungry and dehydrated.

So meal times are important to me. I want my kids to have fond memories of food and meals.

My kids have a hot breakfast every single morning.

My kids have a lovely leisurely lunch with lots of veggies.

We always have a sit-down dinner together with salad and lots of veggies.

I worry and struggle to make healthy family meals happen in spite of work and activities that constantly want to disrupt the schedule.

Play Schedule

As my kids get busier with their classes, work, and activities, I struggle to maintain some downtime for them. I want them to be kids as long as possible. I want them to play and have fun and be stress-free and worry-free.

There is plenty of time for adult things later. I want to hold on to my kids for as long as possible and protect their innocence and youthfulness.

I have tried to limit my kids’ activities so they don’t get overwhelmed. One does aerial gymnastics twice a week. One does ice skating and art. My son is on an elite baseball team. My second child has a part time job and we agreed to limit the hours to fifteen during school.

I don’t monitor screentime. I don’t have chore charts. We don’t take tests in our homeschool. We work together to get household needs accomplished. I help my kids study for their quizzes and tests.

I see so many ads and posts for tutoring and classes and courses and lessons and clubs and events. I know some families who sign their kids up for all of the things. Those children are surely exhausted, all the time. And we wonder why everyone has a disorder or mental illness? We don’t have to rush to keep up with other people who set false standards.

Babies don’t need reading or math tutors.

I want my kids to have time to play – to watch the movies, to create, to play games, get outside in nature, visit friends and festivals and amusement parks – before the rush of college and adulthood and needed jobs take hold.

Kids need time to play, time to rest, time just to be kids. While I don’t follow a strict schedule, I make time in our natural flow for meals, sleep and rest, and playing.

We all need to slow down.

I’m worried about their peers who always seem to be exhausted and rushed to the next thing.

Everything has become so unnatural.

We have replaced kids’ free time and outdoor playtime with classes indoors that are monitored by adults – teachers, coaches, nannies, babysitters, parents – tutoring sessions, sports training, music lessons, gymnastics and tumbling and parkour and ninja.

There is hardly a moment when kids have to themselves to make a decision or rest or paly naturally without supervision that they don’t know what they want without being told by an adult.

All the checklists we’re supposed to follow to prepare for college – standardized testing, scholarships, forms, meetings, sports, clubs, volunteering. We don’t have to do any of that. Everything will work out in the end no matter if we rush through it and stress about it or wait until the right timing.

I don’t want my kids so stressed out that they have no good memories of their youth.

It’s not a race.

The Holistic Psychologist

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What if I die?

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My parents had me pretty late for the times. They were 35 in 1976, had been married for about thirteen years. They were set in their ways. I was unwelcome as an upset to the schedule even though they assure me I was desperately wanted.

I have mourned my parents since I was about eight years old. I worried about what would happen to me if my parents died before I was 18. I knew in a macabre sense that I would forever have no one to help me and it would be super hard when my parents got older.

Being an only child of aging parents is tough.

It’s been a long time since I lived nearby and the relationship has never been anything but toxic.

Sixteen years is a long time to live away and only have a few emails to maintain a relationship that’s passive aggressive at best and narcissistic at worst. The most recent email was an admonishment from my mother that she doesn’t know my kids, doesn’t talk to them, only knows what I tell her. She doesn’t even pay attention to what I tell her and seldom comments on any pictures I send. Why must I make all the effort?

My parents ignored me in a little tantrum for several months last year and I worried: how would I even know if they got sick or injured?

It makes me sad and also a little bit scared.

My parents turn 80 next year. They live in a HUGE 3-story house and are still independent, but I wonder how long that will last and what could happen in a blink of an eye. They’re vaccinated, but they live in Georgia and there aren’t any protections in place and they live as though we are not in an international crisis.

Time is running out for healing a broken relationship.

What if I get COVID-19?

I never thought I would really have to plan or worry about what would happen to my family if my husband or I get chronically ill, hospitalized, or died. I mean, we plan for these possibilities with wills, POA, legal paperwork, insurance, investments. We surely hope it never has to be used while the children are young. But the reality with COVID-19 and the political climate means that I have to think about it more as a probability.

Our will states my parents and my husband’s two sisters as next of kin, but that doesn’t ease my mind at all. My parents are old and my husband’s sisters have their own busy families. None of these people share my values at all.

While I feel assured my family would be ok long-term because of our financial planning, that doesn’t help me with the thoughts of how would they cope emotionally and psychologically or in the short-term.

My husband and I, and our three older kids, are all vaccinated and wear masks when we leave the house.

My husband works full-time, in a medical laboratory facility. He’s frontline and knows the statistics and risks. I’ve been very frightened for years what he could be exposed to or bring home. We did get H1N1 a couple years ago, even with the flu shot.

I’m the one who usually goes to the stores to buy groceries. I’m putting myself at risk every time I leave the house. Yes, I know I could use pickup or delivery services, but that has other issues. My greatest fear is asphyxiation. The thought of me contracting a deadly respiratory virus and possibly being hospitalized and intubated while quarantined, isolated, and alone is terrifying to me. I lie awake at night considering if I might have been exposed. Is that cramp the beginning? Did I just feel a tiny shortness of breath? Is my chest tightening? Is this COVID or anxiety or allergies? Will I be ambulanced away or dropped off at the ER and not be able to say goodbye to my family? The irony of my functional depression and constant suicide ideation is not lost on me as I realize I don’t want to die…like that.

I have food anxiety and constantly worry about stocking up on essentials and stress about my kids eating healthy meals and having snacks and enough sports drinks to stay hydrated. I worry even more what would happen if they had to somehow fend for themselves for a long period of time if I got sick or had to be hospitalized.

I’m terrified of my kids contracting the virus. How do we quarantine one in our house so the rest are safe? What if I have to leave my child alone in the hospital?

While my eldest is on her own, working fulltime and living with friends, she is still in a liminal space in her young life and I worry constantly about her wellbeing. A coworker just tested positive and my daughter caught a bad cold and we all held our breath until her COVID test showed “no detection.”

We have always homeschooled. My middle kids will be on the cusp of completing their academics and approaching graduation time in the next two years. While there is still a lot of paperwork for the state and hoops to jump through for them to enter college early, I don’t have so many worries about their education.

My son is only 11 and cannot be vaccinated yet. We’re planning a freaking family birthday party at our local drugstore for when he turns 12 and can get the shot. I’m only sort of joking.

The kids lost their neighborhood friends when some continued to play together while we were in lockdown and one teen boy decided it was the perfect time to inform us that all Muslims are terrorists and all LGBTQ will go to hell.

I worry how he would survive in a school environment or how he could continue homeschooling if something happened to his dad or me. How would his siblings be able to help or handle it?

We were never meant to live in perpetual crisis.

I chose to settle in suburbia so my kids could grow up in safety and peace and have a little nature to play in like I did when I was a child.

I feel lost, alone, scared, betrayed.

I can’t protect my kids from a society intent on killing its less valuable citizens.

I am enraged by people living in complacency or outright denial that there is a vast plague affecting the vulnerable populations around the world. I cannot fathom that governments and individuals really think it’s acceptable to sacrifice children, elderly, others who are most at risk of contracting and getting very ill or dying from this virus.

We are witnessing the collapse of our society like the slow motion fall of Rome while too many people cry that they just want to “return to normal” because that was comfortable for them and they benefited too well from that normal that was anything but normal for many.

We have the opportunity to improve our society, and correct past wrongs that have been highlighted by the too brief COVID shutdowns, but that seems like a fleeting pipe dream as we realize our rights are being reneged after decades, people are evicted and homeless and jobless, schools aren’t updating nor protecting our young, and we’re sacrificing our disrespected elderly to the gods of capitalism.

I am horrified but also feel paralyzed and helpless.

While I do believe that one person can help make a difference, I feel like a tiny teardrop in a bucket full of holes.

Too many financially stable and comfortable people who do care just a little only want to donate a little money or their used clothes and closet cleanouts and feel better about themselves, like that really helps anyone who needs help.

The social media posts from naysaying parents who don’t want their kids “controlled by politics, having to wear masks in school, nor live in fear” are just raising another generation of selfish and hateful people. My daughter takes a gymnastics class with a friend whose sister has COVID. Contact tracing and waiting and quarantine has us all in a panic, as we monitor every sniffle, sneeze, scratch in the throat.

I am perhaps not as shocked as I could be that many Christians are living like they’re going to be rescued by God despite not taking any precautions and showing their disdain for everyone else who is. I don’t think that’s the way it works. A deadly virus not a bipartisan or religious issue.

Vaccine mandates are really bringing out the worst in some people. They would rather quit their jobs than get a shot. And some of these people are in service and health industries, which makes me even sadder.

I am infuriated by all the people traveling, vacationing, going to church, concerts, and restaurants – like everything is not literally on fire and people are dying. They live in a different world.

I don’t want to see the fucking selfish blog posts and social media images of the beach vacations or restaurant dining. These people are putting everyone at risk as they pretend everything is fine.

I am disgusted by social media images of 13 beers on restaurant tables with cheerfully unmasked diners – as our children are hospitalized while politicians ridicule and deny anyone who fears a deadly virus and also refusing refugees any humanity and taking away human rights from women. My grandfather, father, and husband didn’t put on a uniform and serve their country for a publicity stunt.

People confuse patriotism with nationalism and only pick and choose who they deem worthy of honor.

We need systemic changes.

Linking up: Pinch of Joy, House on Silverado, Grammy’s Grid, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, Anchored Abode, Suburbia, InstaaEncouragements, April Harris, Pam’s Party, Shelbee on the Edge, LouLou Girls, Mostly Blogging, Jenerally Informed, OMHG, Pieced Pastimes, LEO Wife, Thistle Key Lane, Ridge Haven, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Ducks in a Row, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, Imparting Grace, Slices of Life, Cottage Market, Being a Wordsmith, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Cottage Market, Hubbard Home, Modern Monticello, Simply Beautiful, Create with Joy,

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Prioritizing Rest

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This last year or so has highlighted so much that is wrong about our individualist society. I grew up with the message that I should work more, harder…push…bigger, better, faster, more. Even to the point of collapse. Mental health be damned. Just push through physical exhaustion or illness. The prosperity gospel perpetuates this mindset – just fake it ’til you make it. It’s dangerous and wrong.

We have witnessed some privileged rich and famous people taking breaks and stepping away from the limelight to protect themselves and set boundaries. It’s a great thing to see them modeling health for the rest of us, but if we as a society cannot allow for rest, it just spotlights the problems even more. We pride ourselves on our self-reliance and grit to our detriment.

Naysayers (and even I at times) wonder at what point do we push on with courage in the face of fear and adversity or just quit? When do we know what to do? Most of us don’t have that luxury – paid time off, savings for vacations, help with responsibilities.

How many people feel trapped by their circumstances and cannot or refuse to rest or quit? We see so much depression, anxiety, disordered eating, and more. What will it take to wake up and make systemic changes?

We live in a rat race society. I refuse to succumb to the hustle.

We have had seasons of rushing and I didn’t like it. We tried to fit in and do all the things – signing our kids up for every activity, volunteering for everything at church, doing, going, hurrying. I didn’t feel safe or content and I think our health suffered with the added stress.

I had to learn how to say no. And NO. is a complete sentence. I had to learn how to discern what we should and could do with our time, protecting our rest, limiting ourselves to what felt safe and sure.

Thankfully, we are in a season we are able to get enough sleep and rest. I don’t have to stay busy all the time.

My youngest is eleven. I remember the days when he was a baby and toddler and seemed never to sleep. I don’t really miss those times. I love having big kids and teens.

How we rest

I wake up naturally most mornings. I don’t like alarms. I don’t like to be rushed. I don’t think success is waking up before dawn, unless that’s natural and normal for someone. I don’t function well in the early morning.

I don’t make appointments for mornings if I can help it.

During summer, my kids each choose a camp realizing they have to plan to go to bed and wake up earlier to get ready.

Every morning, I refill the bird feeders and I sit on my deck with my tea and our two cats, watching the birds and damselflies. I inspect my garden for new blooms and ripe tomatoes. I love birds and gardening.

I make a hot breakfast for my three kids who live at home every weekday morning. My husband has weekend duty.

Most months, the kids and I do read alouds after breakfast.

The kids usually watch Netflix with their lunch of leftovers or homemade ramen.

Afternoons are usually carefree and easy. The kids work on science, history writing, arts and crafts, hiking and exploring, bug watching, reading, baking. I read or clean or run errands. We sometimes go to the library or a park. I try to schedule appointments in the afternoons – dentist, orthodontist, therapy, doctor, vision. My kids are now old enough that they can stay home alone for a couple hours so I can go by myself to my own appointments or just take the one child to their appointment. I don’t like rushing, so I leave with plenty of time to arrive safely without feeling anxious.

The kids have classes a few evenings a week. One does aerial gymnastics twice a week. One has art classes and ice skating. One plays elite baseball.

We try to have dinner together every night. Occasionally, we eat while watching a TV show and Fridays are usually homemade pizza and movie nights. Some nights are difficult to plan, with art, gymnastics, if my son has a baseball game or practice. I don’t like rushed meals. I don’t like having two dinnertimes. We try to have an early dinner (preferable) or a later dinner to accommodate these evenings. Often, on nights we don’t have activities, we go for a walk after dinner or play cards or board games.

While the kids don’t have a specific bedtime, I encourage winding down and getting in bed by about ten at night. I know this is when our bodies are ready for sleep. I feel the natural melatonin kicking in and my body temp lowers and I get sleepy. I teach my kids to listen to their bodies. We try to limit devices and screens before bed, plugging them in outside bedrooms, and turn off the WIFI at bedtime. We prioritize sleep so our kids grow well and perform at their best.

We worked hard to get here, to this place of peace and rest.

9 Types of Rest

  1. time away
  2. permission to not be helpful
  3. something ‘“unproductive”
  4. connection to art and nature
  5. solitude to recharge
  6. a break from responsibility
  7. stillness to decompress
  8. safe space
  9. alone time at home

Resting is doing.

I am not about that capitalist grind. I don’t have a home business. I am not that boss mom or whatever. I realize how incredibly privileged I am to stay home as a mom and teacher. We have worked hard to get to this place.

I am introverted and highly sensitive. I don’t enjoy being busy. I don’t enjoy crowds or excessive noise.

I protect my kids’ time and childhood. We don’t overschedule. I want them to have lots of time to play instead of every moment of their day filled with programs.

I refuse to push my kids with their academics or make them hate their passions and hobbies by attempting entrepreneurship. They have freedom in our homeschool to explore and go at their own pace. They choose to take classes for art or sports or new activities with spaces and tools we don’t have in our home. We are in a place where my young teens can choose to do volunteer work for experience if they desire – since they legally cannot work yet. I don’t think that older teens or young adults should waste their time with unpaid work. Their time is valuable too and they should be paid for work.

My son chooses to do elite baseball and while I am so proud of him and his growth with the sport, I am not thrilled with missed or delayed meals or rushing to pack healthy portable snacks for games in the middle of breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I have stressed about games far from home and how my son will eat if there isn’t a grocery store nearby for me to acquire healthy choices. We observe with dismay the families who choose to eat greasy fast food during game breaks and then their boys play poorly and sluggishly. There are times when my husband has to take our son to practices or games and I have to take another of our children to a class or appointment. I can’t be everywhere at once.

My middle kids are in high school and I refuse to stress them out with tests, driving lessons, college prep, part time jobs, or volunteering. I offer them opportunities so they can make choices. I coach and guide and answer questions. I do so much research. I am constantly telling my kids to protect their time. I teach them to say no and manage their schedules wisely. There will be time enough for them to stress later. I don’t want to add any anxiety.

My eldest is on her own and I am sad for her hustle to survive and trying to be healthy and happy. Good paying jobs with a healthy work environment are scarce and having a certificate or college degree is no guarantee of insurance, competitive pay, or decent treatment.

I limit my interaction and time on social media. I encourage my kids to be careful online and protect their time. I am impressed that they can and do often walk away often to pursue other interests.

I love that my kids still like exploring and hiking in the woods, playing in the creek, biking, roller blading, skateboarding. They’re often the only kids I ever see outside. They ask to play cards or board games after dinner. They play Legos and Wii and Switch together if the weather is too much.

Fitness and exercise seems even to be stressful for many people. I refuse to overwork myself. I love programs that are short and intense and I do see results. Every evening after dinner, I walk about 45 minutes around this little pond park about a half mile from our house. It’s peaceful and I enjoy seeing the waterfowl, bunnies, sometimes deer or horned owls, even a coyote.

I take a bubble bath with Epsom salts every night before bed. I have chamomile tea and read or watch a show. This is my alone time and I protect it.

I still read a story to my son every night at bedtime. Then I usually read an eBook until I can’t see the words anymore and fall asleep. Screens before bed aren’t recommended. I turn off the blue light with settings and I haven’t noticed any problems.

How prioritizing rest helps:

  • Better digestion
  • Better nighttime sleep
  • General contentedness
  • Less stress
  • Time for exercise
  • Peace
  • Less forgetfulness
  • Less anxiety
  • Less clutter
  • Deeper relationships
  • Time for spontaneity
  • Creativity
  • Better immunity

It’s important we model rest for our children so they have better health. We don’t have to hustle like everyone else.

Resources:

How do you prioritize rest?

Linking up: Grammy’s Grid, Pinch of Joy, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Mostly Blogging, Suburbia, House on Silverado, Stroll Thru Life, LouLou Girls, InstaEncouragements, Shelbee on the Edge, Jenerally Informed, OMHG, Blue Sky at Home, Anchored Abode, Life Abundant, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Ridge Haven Homestead, Girlish Whims, Ducks in a Row, Penny’s Passion, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Debbie Kitterman, Slices of Life, Embracing Unexpected, Modern Monticello, Fiesta Friday, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Hubbard Home, CWJ, Create with Joy, Being a Wordsmith, Pieced Pastimes, Pam’s Party, Simply Sweet Home

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Maybe We’re Not Lost

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I think many of us have felt lost this year.

So many changes thrust upon us and we are not in control.

Plans canceled.

An entire year that feels missing.

Many of us stay home from school and work and most other activities. I realize for many this has been a very difficult transition.

We’ve isolated ourselves and quarantine inside our houses with our family bubble.

We also realized that many people are not capable of caring for others or following science and health safety guidelines.

I really just don’t have a lot of sympathy for people crying they can’t go to Target without a mask or needing to eat dinner out in a restaurant.

We’ve lived through many crises this year – a pandemic, forest fires, political upheaval, natural disasters.

What will we do next year? Do we really want to “go back to normal” when normal wasn’t really working?

What if we’re not lost?

What if we’re right where we ought to be?

What if we’re…found?

While our homeschooling lifestyle hasn’t much changed with the quarantine, we do miss the freedom of extracurricular activities.

(For people confused about what freedom, liberty, rights, and privilege mean – I spell it out in my Independence Day Unit.)

We narrowed our focus even more.

Perhaps we would have missed opportunities for blessings if we were distracted by other things.

We explore our backyard nature – the woods and nearby pond. We hike when it was safe at local parks.

We bought a house. We probably would have even under other circumstances. We cleaned our new house top to bottom, inside and out. We certainly had time. We did some repairs and updates. We organized and purged clothes, books, toys and more. We donated items when thrift shops reopened. We’re streamlining our possessions to what is best needed and used well and beautiful.

We’re certainly on screens a lot – social media, Netflix, games, etc. But the kids decide to play board and card games or D&D or draw or paint or bake cakes or skate quite often. They have natural cycles and their own needs and desires and balance their time pretty well. They have no schedules.

We’re continuing our regular studies, relaxed and unhurried. We read lots of books and research our interests.

I had surgery – laparoscopic myomectomy. I’ve working hard on myself – healing and growing.

My eldest daughter decided not to return to college this year. Online school was difficult for her last semester and she didn’t feel she could continue for this whole year. She wanted to explore other options. She is focusing on her mental health.

Then she decided to move out the first week in November. At first I was heartbroken and hurt. I felt betrayed. Why would she do this when she has freedom and security and no worries? At least it’s not with a toxic, abusive boyfriend. Then after two weeks, she was laid off from her new job. She went on numerous interviews and has a few offers.

Parenting young adults is hard but I’m learning.

What blessings will these sudden changes bring?

So, even though we’re existing in a liminal space, an in-between, unknown realm of possibilities…we are learning to recognize what is important right now.

Maybe we can use this time for rediscovery. We can reconnect.

We could examine ourselves and our values. What do we want our future to be? What do we want our society and our country and government to look like? What will we tell our children and grandchildren about this year and how we changed for the better?

It sometimes feels that we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. There are moments and days of darkness when we’re sad and angry and just feel hopeless. I know I’m tired.

These are the times when we shed a few needed tears, hug our families close, snuggle our pets, water our houseplants, make a warm cuppa, look out the window, and dream of a better tomorrow.

We must stop telling ourselves that we’re lost.

We might be on a road with no discernable destination. We’re just rolling along with hope that we might find a place we like, to stay.

I’m not lost. I’m on my way.

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My Laparoscopic Myomectomy

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My cycle was regular and asymptomatic since I was 13.

But the last three years, I got tired of suffering each month with extremely heavy periods. I even landed in the ER a couple months ago.

Ultrasound and MRI showed two fibroids, probably in my uterus for a decade or longer.

Who knows, really? Since the only time doctors took scans were to view pregnancies.

What are fibroids?

Uterine fibroids are noncancerous growths of the uterus that often appear during childbearing years. Intramural fibroids grow within the muscular uterine wall. Submucosal fibroids bulge into the uterine cavity. Subserosal fibroids project to the outside of the uterus.

Estrogen and progesterone, two hormones that stimulate development of the uterine lining during each menstrual cycle in preparation for pregnancy, appear to promote the growth of fibroids. Fibroids contain more estrogen and progesterone receptors than normal uterine muscle cells do. Fibroids tend to shrink after menopause due to a decrease in hormone production.

After removal, they can grow back. I have years before menopause, so I worry.

Symptoms of Fibroids:

  • Heavy menstrual bleeding
  • Menstrual periods lasting more than a week
  • Pelvic pressure or pain
  • Frequent urination
  • Difficulty emptying the bladder
  • Constipation
  • Backache or leg pains

I had all those symptoms for a really long time.

My belly is still big even though my youngest child is now 10. The few times I asked doctors about my bladder issues and tummy flab, I was dismissed.

I feel really let down by the medical community. No one really knows why women get fibroids. No one really know hows to stop them or treat them. Women’s health doesn’t seem a priority.

A female NP prescribed Mirena IUD to see if that would help my symptoms, just a bandaid.

I agreed to try it to reduce my estrogen and see if it would shrink the fibroids or reduce my period bleeding.

It didn’t help at all.

I weighed all my options. I didn’t want anything removed that didn’t have to be. Many doctors only do hysterectomies because that’s easier for them and a permanent solution to many gynecological problems.

I chose to remove my uterine fibroids with Robot Assisted Laparoscopic Myomectomy.

Thankfully, Wright Patterson Air Force Base hospital has a doctor on staff highly trained. She has been wonderful and I was able to get the surgery scheduled, even during the pandemic.

Before Surgery

I wanted to be as healthy and strong as I could be so I would have the quickest and easiest recovery.

I’ve been exercising and eating well for months, but I really ramped it up this last month and lost a few more pounds and got very toned. Still can’t lose this C-section pouch, but maybe with the fibroids removed, it will help.

No fish oil or flaxseed or anything that could thin the blood for two weeks prior to surgery. I had never heard this before. No vitamins or supplements for 72 hours prior to surgery to ensure no interactions with anesthesia or drugs.

I ate very light the few days leading up to surgery. No alcohol. Less caffeine.

I stocked the fridge, freezer, and pantry with quick and easy healthy foods for the kids and my husband to make. I planned dinners based on worst case scenario since I really didn’t know how I would feel the first week. I made them promise to make and eat vegetables.

Day of Surgery: Thursday

Nothing to eat after midnight. Just like a Mogwai.

I did not opt to sip water or Gatorade up to two hours before surgery. I hydrated well the last few days. I have a history of vomiting during my four childbirths, so I was very nervous about that. I’ve never had general anesthesia before so I was worried what my reaction might be.

I wore comfy loose clothes so I wouldn’t have to worry about anything tight across my belly.

I showed up at 0545 and got prepped for my 0700 surgery.

I got changed in to a surgical gown and got an IV.

I had already signed all my consent and risk forms. A nurse verified everything and asked some questions. It was quick and easy since I have no prior conditions and I take no prescription medications. I’m pretty healthy and boring.

Pre-surgery meds for pain, muscles, nerves, and an anti-nausea were in pill form. I got an anti-nausea patch behind my left ear that works for three days. I got anti-anxiety meds and saline through my IV. I got compression boots to relieve swelling and that was a great relief to me since I usually swell up very badly with IV fluids. I was told I would probably receive a block injection in my abdominal muscles before surgery to help alleviate pain.

The techs, nurses, and anesthesiologists were all so very comforting.

Last thing I remember was viewing the OR and it seemed like a whole crowd of people in there and my doctor asking if I liked her music as two nurses held and rubbed my hands.

My husband said he got an update that they had begun and another update when I was going to the first recovery.

I woke up rather suddenly and it didn’t seem to take long for me to get released home.

I was wrapped with a thick elastic velcro belly band and that thing was sure a life saver.

I was sent home with ibuprofen, Tylenol, and tiny Oxycontin. Also Colace for a stool softener.

I had a larger incision in my navel and two small ones on either side. There were gauze and Tegaderm over the incisions. There were steri-strips over the stitches. The stitches dissolve. Granulation tissue appears as the tissue comes together and heals. It can be red and puckery or white.

The two fibroids were 75.4 grams, 10.0 x 8.5 x 1.5 cm.

I wasn’t under too many restrictions. No heavy lifting. No driving until off pain meds. It was a long weekend, so I had plenty of help with my kids and husband home. I didn’t drive for over a week.

After Surgery

First Evening

I was very woozy and dizzy and not at all hungry the whole first evening.

I had to force myself to sip water, Gatorade, and apple juice until I felt I could eat a little. I was pretty queasy.

My belly was very sore and swollen. I had a huge bruise under my belly button. A heating pad helped so much.

I had pretty horrible gas pains all evening Thursday and all day Friday. The Colace helped and I took that for a few days.

My throat and diaphragm were terribly sore from the breathing tube for a couple days. Ricola herbal drops helped.

Day 1: Friday

I slept in my recliner in the living room for the first two nights, Thursday and Friday.

I was able to eat more normally by Friday afternoon and I felt my appetite return. Still, I ate light, less than I really wanted. I was still pretty woozy.

I walked to the end of my street and back.

The doctor called to check on me and told me I could remove the bandages and shower.

My husband grilled some honey lime chicken breasts and I ate ok.

Day 2: Saturday

I was able to shower. My kids told me I smelled like hospital so I guess that was their way of telling me I should bathe.

It took a long time to get over the dizziness. I had no energy or stamina for a week. It takes about that long for all the meds to wear off.

Saturday was a painful day. I started getting nerve pain in my incisions and cramps inside worse than any menstrual cramps I’ve ever had. My pelvis felt sore and heavy.

I was able to sleep in my bed.

We had our usual pizza night but I could only eat about a third my usual portion.

Day 3: Sunday

I took off the belly band because I didn’t think my belly was getting enough air to heal well. My belly button was too moist and the steri-strips fell off.

I walked one lap around our neighborhood pond.

My husband grilled a tritip steak and I was able to eat that ok.

Day 4: Monday

I felt pretty good and proud I didn’t need the support of the belly band anymore. My muscles weren’t as sore.

I did my regular walk around our neighborhood pond: 3 laps.

My husband made cashew chicken for dinner and I ate that ok.

Day 5: Tuesday

Rough day. I was so sleepy and woozy all day long and just longed to go back to bed. I was sore and crampy.

I craved salt so my husband made homemade potato chips with kielbasa for dinner.

Day 6: Wednesday

I felt better with more energy. I sat outside in the sunshine and sunned my belly to heal.

I was able to eat a little beef stew for dinner.

Day 7: Thursday

My two smaller holes are almost completely healed and barely visible. I was worried my navel incision was getting infected. I had diarrhea all morning and a slight fever. General malaise.

I made delicious spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.

Day 8: Friday

Still had diarrhea this morning and slight fever. Worried about infection. Got more steri-strips for my belly button incision which was not healing as well as I had hoped. Doctor said it is not infection, but it is angry.

Still have bruising on my pelvis and where the IV was in my hand.

Pizza night again! I made a white chicken pizza.

Day 9: Saturday

Rainy all day. I didn’t do much today. Resting is good.

My husband made homemade Philly cheesesteaks and fries for dinner.

Day 10: Sunday

Rainy all day. I was quite lazy. Resting is good.

My husband grilled an eye of round roast for dinner. I roasted a sheet of veggies.

Day 11: Monday

Didn’t sleep well.

Follow-up Appointment with my surgeon. My belly button wasn’t as healed as she liked. She told me to use bacterial ointment on the wound and cortisone for my rashes.

This was the first time I drove since the surgery.

Still feeling bruised and wearing jeans was probably not the best choice. The button was irritating.

My dishwasher died and I’m in mourning.

I made chili and tacos for dinner.

Day 12: Tuesday

Didn’t sleep well.

My kids had a dentist appointment and after waiting on that two hour ordeal, I was pretty tired the rest of the day.

We bought a new dishwasher and will get it installed in a week. I’m still in mourning.

My husband grilled salmon and chicken. I made couscous, sauteed spinach, and salad.

Day 13: Wednesday

I weighted 139 when I woke up!

Didn’t sleep well. Woke up with a bad headache.

I was tired all day.

My belly button is still bright pink and puckery.

I put my belly band back on for my walk around the pond and the rest of the afternoon for extra support.

I made borscht and goulash for dinner in the slow cookers.

Day 14: Thursday

It’s the two-week mark!

I feel strong. Sneezing and coughing doesn’t hurt.

My digestion is still off a little.

My bladder doesn’t feel as inflamed as it did before the surgery. I don’t feel the same urgency or spasms.

My belly button is almost completely healed. The scars are barely noticeable. My hand still feels bruised from the IV!

We cleared out the fridge of leftovers for dinner this night.

What’s Next?

I’m making changes to my lifestyle to insure healing and hopefully these fibroids won’t grow back.

I don’t smoke. I’m cutting way back on my alcohol intake. My D levels are good. I walk almost 2-3 miles every day. I’m not overweight and I’m almost back to what I weighed 15 years ago, but stronger and more toned. My blood pressure is great.

I’m increasing my fiber intake. Potassium-rich foods, full fat dairy like cheese and yogurt, and green tea are in my daily diet.

I’m avoiding sugar and soy. I just learned to avoid flax since it’s an estrogen-increasing food.

I read the Mediterranean Diet is best for overall health, but especially for women’s hormonal issues.

I already love the foods I ate in Italy and Greece and I’m incorporating more recipes into my daily repertoire. I’m learning about other cuisines from the Mediterranean region, which varies greatly. So thankful my family is willing to experiment and try new flavors and textures.

I go back for my last follow-up appointment with my doctor in early November.

Hopefully after my follow-up appointment, I will be cleared to begin exercising regularly again. I may look into abdominal massage if I still can’t lose this tummy after resuming my workouts.

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Benefits of Peptides for Skin

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The word “peptides” sounds like a type of laundry detergent or maybe even something a person would take to relieve an upset stomach or indigestion. Let there be no more confusion about peptides regardless of the name sounding like some major brand name products that are entirely unrelated. Everyone has peptides because they are produced naturally by the human body, although some have more than others.

There are many positive aspects of increasing peptide levels in the body, including anti-aging effects for the skin and promoting wound healing.

Making Peptides

What are peptides?

Peptides are naturally occurring substances created in the human body through the breakdown of proteins. As the body ages, fewer peptides are produced, and this, in part, produces an aging effect. Not enough peptides can result in wrinkles, sagging skin, age spots, and even an extended time for wound healing.

Synthetic peptides or those produced in a laboratory can be applied topically or taken orally as a dietary supplement. Peptides applied topically are absorbed by the skin to promote anti-aging effects. Those taken orally as a dietary supplement are absorbed and circulated throughout the body, including the skin. It is important to note that because peptides are produced naturally by the body, supplementing peptides lead to very few side effects.

Promoting Youthful Skin

The anti-aging properties of peptides have several benefits for the skin. Peptides stimulate collagen production, and this is significant because collagen helps to keep skin youthful and strong. They also help lessen wrinkles and fine lines.

Protection from the damaging rays of the sun is another benefit of peptides. Melatonin helps shield the skin from sun damage, and peptides increase the production of melatonin. For those who already have skin damage from the sun in the form of age spots or other dark patches, peptides can produce an effect called “skin lightening” and can make the skin appear less mottled.

Aiding Wound Healing

With tall of these positive effects on the anti-aging properties of the skin, it is no surprise that peptides have other uses in skin health. Researchers are studying how peptides impact wound healing. They have proven that peptides have an antimicrobial effect, which helps ward off infections by destroying bacteria. It is also known that peptides help relieve inflammation and promote new skin growth.

All of this makes for faster and healthier healing. However, since this is a somewhat new area of application for synthetic peptides, there is still more research needed to ensure it is safe to use in healing wounds.

The production of peptides is a natural process in the body that decreases with age. The use of synthetic peptides, either applied topically or ingested as a dietary supplement, has several positive effects for the skin. Used to promote the production of collagen, increase melatonin levels, peptides can also help to protect against sun damage and lightening age spots leading to more youthful skin. They can also kill bacteria, reduce inflammation, and promote the growth of new skin, which can aid in wound healing.

I take a scoop of collagen peptides in my evening camomile tea every night and I think it makes a big difference!

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Quarantine with Kids

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Why are so many of the neighborhood kids playing together like it’s a holiday?

Why is that child down the street having a lemonade stand?

Why is this neighbor’s sister’s family visiting them?

Why is that neighbor’s out of state family here celebrating his birthday?

Why are the pet owners, walkers, and runners at the neighborhood park not wearing masks or social distancing?

Too many people believe the government and news media, instead of medical professionals. Or maybe they just don’t care?

While there are low-contact activities like tennis, biking, or hide and seek for children to play together, it’s unreasonable to expect children to self-regulate during play time with others outside their household.

Parks and playgrounds and schools are closed. This isn’t to say that kids can just play together in each other’s yards and houses. Many experts in health care warn families to keep their kids safe by not allowing play dates with others outside the household.

Exhibiting no symptoms doesn’t mean we aren’t carries who can potentially infect others. We don’t know where you’ve been and who you have interacted with, potentially spreading the virus exponentially.

I realize America and most of Western society is very individualistic, but maybe we could look to more collectivism and expand our views to care for others as a whole rather than just think about ourselves.

Many families did these last few weeks of school at home, online or by distance learning. This is not homeschooling! Homeschoolers don’t isolate ourselves in our homes and we’re suffering too with cancellations of activities, park closures, and libraries closed.

It’s true I don’t know everyone’s situation. It’s also true that it’s very hard for many be shut up together in a house all the time when they’re not at all used to that schedule.

Yes, I know it must be hard. This is not normal for anybody.

What narrative are we telling our children about this virus and quarantine? What can we do?

We can be honest with our children.

It seems that lots of parents just aren’t even telling their kids what’s going on.

Trust me, they can handle it. They want Truth. They want Respect.

We need to give kids more credit for their natural intelligence and empathy.

We don’t have to give them more info than they can handle for their age and mental capability, but we shouldn’t just pretend they shouldn’t know what’s going on in the world. We don’t have to incite fear.

They surely have noticed things are different. Schools are closed and activities are canceled. Parents are out of work or working from home. Restaurants are closed or takeout/delivery only. Schedules are surely different.

Tell the children why. Discuss. Listen to what they have to say. Answer their questions. What are the lessons we can learn?

We can model appropriate social distancing when we leave the house.

Social distancing means

  • not going out unless it is necessary. Necessary reasons to go out include buying food, getting medical care, or going for a walk or a bike ride alone or with members of the household.
  • closing schools, restaurants, shops, movie theaters, and other places where people gather
  • not getting together in person with friends
  • working from home if possible
  • not taking public transportation, including buses, subways, taxis, and rideshares

My children have not visited a store since our Ohio stay-at-home order the end of March.

My husband and daughter are essential workers and their work hours haven’t changed.

I do grocery shopping weekly alone or with my husband. My husband occasionally grabs something we need or forgot on his way home from work.

We can practice safe practices like hand washing and mask wearing.

Better safe than sorry:

  • Keep your family home and away from others as much as possible. Don’t have friends and extended family over, and don’t go to their homes. People who look healthy still can be infected and can spread the virus. That’s why it’s important to stay away from everyone, even if they don’t seem sick.
  • If you have to go out, make sure you are at least 6 feet (2 meters) away from other people. Viruses can spread when someone sneezes or coughs out tiny droplets. They may even spread when people talk. These droplets don’t usually travel more than 6 feet before falling to the ground. Also, follow the CDC’s advice and info on wearing a cloth face covering (or a face mask, if you have one).
  • If you’re caring for someone who is sick, take all recommended precautions. It’s important to keep that person away from others.

We wash our hands regularly and especially after returning home from the store.

My husband wears a mask at work and when he shops. The kids remind him to wash his hands when he enters the house at the end of every day.

My teen daughter wears a mask at work. She washes her hands when she returns home.

I wear and mask when I shop. I wash my hands when I return home.

We also have moved our shoe bench into the garage and remove our shoes there.

We wash work clothes more frequently.

We can limit our exposure to others by staying home or in our own backyards.

Yes, it’s really hard to have all extracurricular activities canceled. My kids miss it very much. It’s normal to be sad about this and I sit with them in their disappointment.

It’s hard when the neighborhood kids ask my son to play and we have to say no. It’s not my place to explain why to those kids. My children ask me why they’re all playing together when they shouldn’t. It’s a hard circumstance.

I know we all miss our friends and family members. Trips, events, celebrations have been canceled. Grandparents are cooped up and miss their grandkids.

Kids who are used to having their schedules and activities dictated and planned for them need some adjustment time.

Parents can provide a list of appropriate and safe activities that kids can do alone, with siblings, pets, or parents. Set aside blocks of time for kids to do independent work, chores, play and other time blocks for sibling or parent time.

Scavenger hunts are fun activities to keep friends connected without touching and exposing each other. Lots of groups, cities, neighborhoods have planned fun hunts.

Write letters. This is an important, almost lost skill. It’s fun to send and receive mail!

Online games, facetime, and video activities are great ways to keep in touch and interact.

Have movie night each week and read together.

Play board games, do puzzles, draw or crafts.

Spend time outdoors as a family, safely distancing from others. Go fishing, biking, fly kites, skate or roller blade, hike the woods where spaces are open to the public.

I am saddened by so many kids who have never experienced these activities because families never had the time or interest.

Invite fun new hobbies into your lives: like bird watching or gardening.

Get to know your kids and spend time more wisely.

Live more simply.

We can monitor the media we view and believe.

We have media overload.

We may need to turn off the TV, radio, social media.

This includes family and friends who think this virus is a hoax or protest stay-at-home orders.

We may want to set boundaries with those friends and family members.

Human lives are more important than a haircut or restaurant food.

I’m tired of the “What if…” games.

I’m tired of people thinking they’re the exception.

I’m tired of everyone not helping to flatten the curve.

Restaurants, stores, specialist medical offices, personal care shops reopen amidst protests to save the economy…is it worth it to get our hair cut and munch on fresh eggrolls and go to bars for live music? Even schools are reopen, risking the health of so many children.

It is right to risk the lives of a few hundred or thousand individuals? Are they expendable for the economy? Is it right to sacrifice a few for the many to be more comfortable?

I pray for all of us who are affected (or seemingly unaffected) by the virus. We are all connected.

Our children are watching us and how we react to this crisis. What do we want them to remember?

Privilege is when you think something is not a problem because you’re aren’t affected personally.

L.R. Knost
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Homeschooling During Quarantine

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Ohio has been in quarantine lockdown since April 1.

Many parents are working from home and school are closed so life looks a little different.

But many families are in crisis, wondering how they will pay their bills. Those stimulus checks won’t last long.

The families forced into quarantine when the schools closed are not homeschooling.

It’s crisis schooling. It wasn’t a decision. It was forced. Most are miserable, confused, scared.

My parents live in Georgia and they were only on lockdown for a couple weeks and it’s worrisome.

Stores and services are reopening, but not schools. Maybe next fall. And it’s probably too soon. Many families are planning to keep their kids home and accept the offer for online options from the public schools. They may find that successful, preferable, or they may realize there are other ways to learn.

I know our friend down the street loved completing his lessons super fast online and having free time.

Being a homeschool family doesn’t mean this isn’t hard.

Being introverted doesn’t mean this isn’t hard.

Even though our lifestyles don’t look that much different at this time, it’s still stressful.

We’re used to having the freedom to do what we want, when we want. We used to go where we want, not relying on traditional school schedules. We like to avoid crowds.

Libraries are closed and we miss it.

Local parks and playgrounds are closed and we miss it.

Sports and extra activities are canceled and we miss it.

We missed Easter. We had just started attending a new church.

My college daughter’s classes all went online. It’s hard because the professors aren’t used to that so they simplified the assignments and made grades easier. She misses her friends and freedom. We worry about fall semester and are noticing some small colleges are closing forever. She works part time at a bank and only their drive-thru is open. She realizes she is fortunate to be an essential employee.

The lovely spring weather beckons and we play in the yard and driveway. We explore our backyard woods and creek. My son rides his bike or scooter. The girls rollerblade and skate.

We’ve quietly celebrated four birthdays – mine and three of the kids. Homemade cake, favorite breakfasts and dinners, presents and movies. We don’t do big parties, so this is just our normal.

We’re finishing up our books and regular curriculum and we are getting bored.

There’s nothing to look forward to.

If it were winter, we probably wouldn’t do much different. Since we’re finishing up our formal lessons for the year and heading towards summer, we have to find creative ways to occupy our time. We used to do formal school year-round, but the kids like to have a month or so of a break these last few years. It’s becoming very hard with everything canceling through summer now.

I’ve never liked the word “homeschooling” because how we learn and live looks so little like school.

We just live life, learn what’s interesting, focus on fun activities and skills. We can do and learn the things we’ve only talked about and never found the time.

Academics are not as important as relationship.

We’re disappointed with all the neighborhood kids playing together like they’re on holiday. We wonder what their family’s narrative is for why school and work are canceled, stores are closed, people wearing masks. Do they think this is a hoax? Those public and private school kids and parents are exposing all those families while we the homeschoolers are following the rules and social distancing from everyone who doesn’t live in our house. It’s very frustrating.

My kids haven’t been out since March. I see lots of children in stores with their parents and while I realize child care is often an issue, I worry they’re being exposed or exposing others to illness.

Homeschooling during Quarantine

  • Learning new recipes
  • Playing games – online, board and card, video. We have a Wii and Switch.
  • Watching movies and shows on Netflix, Amazon, Hulu.
  • Arts and crafts
  • Deep cleaning each room
  • Painting or refinishing furniture
  • Organizing and minimizing – although we can’t donate anything right now.
  • Getting outside as much as possible while keeping social distance from other families and individuals
  • Nature study
  • Gardening
  • Yard work
  • Exercise
  • Online classes
  • Bible study
  • Literature unit
  • Foreign language study
  • Electives
  • Read, READ, read

Is there a lesson in quarantine? What is the lesson in all this?

Also, we’re bingeing apocalyptic media. Because that’s our style of humor and memes are therapy.

How is your schedule or lifestyle different during quarantine?

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