Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Exvangelical

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I didn’t grow up in church.

I do feel that my parents failed me in this way, not having a church community or knowledge of religion while living in the Bible belt.

I was taught to recite a simple children’s dinner blessing and bedtime prayer. I attended church with school acquaintances occasionally and my paternal grandma twice a year.

I remember being invited to and attending AWANA once for that “bring a friend night requirement to earn a jewel in the crown button.” It was a horrifying experience for me. I didn’t know any Bible verses. I didn’t know anything about church or religion. It was loud and I was anxious and I felt very out of place. I didn’t know the script or what was expected of me. I felt lost and alone.

I remember embarrassing myself and my Jehovah’s Witness friend and everyone else listening at our lunch table in 6th grade when I announced that God was dead and lived up in heaven.

I really didn’t know any better.

I remember in my Georgia public high school, being accosted in the hallway between classes by Christian classmates:

“Are you saved?” demanded a preppy white boy holding up a thick black KJV Bible, gesturing with it, like a weapon.

“From what?” I countered. I really wanted to know what he would say, but I was offended and offensive.

He stumbled and stuttered because he had no real answers for me beyond his script that he learned at his Baptist church and youth group rallies. He’d never been questioned or been taught critical thinking. All throughout high school, I could never get any real answers that satisfied me about church or God or Christians from anyone.

I remember attending a youth group meeting when I was sixteen because it was one way I could socialize that my strict parents approved of and didn’t ask questions. The youth pastor (24-year-old son of the head pastor) taught a lesson about doing everything for Christ. It was probably based on Colossians 3:17, but I didn’t know the Bible very well then. I had no reference point for this sermon. I do remember being very confused by his analogy that we should play football for Jesus. I wondered how Jesus could really care about football. We were told to keep Jesus in everything. The message was completely lost on me. And the line in the CCM song about a “big, big yard where we can play football” always makes me think of that night and I remember my confusion and I am still thinking that Pastor Beau failed to make his point.

I went to college and grad school. I taught English in both private Christian and secular public schools. I am smart and educated and was told I could do and be anything. But Southern society, my parents, family, friends, acquaintances, the media, and my schooling sent me so many mixed messages. The Christian-proscribed gender roles permeate every aspect of North American society.

As an adult, I look back on all the lost years when I desperately tried to fit into church culture, Christian culture. The things I didn’t understand then and was just encouraged to accept, never questioning, has me regret not listening to my gut feelings more.

The charm and flattery of abusive leaders makes it difficult to trust. The Christian celebrities don’t interest me as I read about their egregious fall from too much pride and power and money every day.

My first experience of regular church attendance was with my first husband’s family. It was the Pentecostal church – Church of God, complete with Prosperity Gospel. I was shut down when I tried to ask questions.

After two failed marriages amid so many visits to Christian therapists who told me such lovely things as being available – ready and willing – for sex anytime, being more submissive, more forgiving of his porn addiction, less angry, doing better with housekeeping and meal planning – even while working full-time, keeping the baby quiet, not discussing my income or job details so as not to make my non-college-educated or out-of-work husband feel inferior, to be more cheerful and not rock the boat or nag.

Unhealthy enmeshment makes wives feel like their husband’s porn use has something to do with them. It does not.

Kimberly Stover

I was desperate to do the right things. I thought I was the problem and if I could just find the right formula, all would be well. Then I would be happy.

I wanted to raise my children with more than I had, but I thought religion was what we were missing. Our society and the church teaches that there can be no morality or goodness without Christian teachings.

I was taught that everything I loved was sinful and wrong – books, movies, music, art.

What do unbelievers do for the glory of God? Nothing. Therefore, everything they do is sinful.

John Piper

I married a third time. We began homeschooling my eldest daughter and I was pregnant back to back with my middle two kids.

I researched and thought I was doing the right things, but I was very easily swayed into almost cult-like evangelical Christian homeschool circles. The Christian science curricula is dumbed down and we struggled with finding any good alternatives. Many Christians don’t learn or teach real science in all its nuances because they don’t encourage curiosity or questions and can’t handle subtleties. Also, I was constantly criticized for our literature material and the freedom I wanted my kids to have. I had to constantly monitor my language and vocabulary. Obviously, no cussing, but I had to censor words like luck and charm and learn to replaces those with Christianese words.

My kids remind me of this time of our lives when I became so strict and legalistic. We only listened to Christian hymns. I was in agony and so lost. I hated myself. They were scared of me.

I had no voices of reason and no religious background to realize the red flags waving in front of me for years. My husband didn’t realize how insidious these conservative homeschoolers are or how close we came to falling into their clutches. There was always a small part of me that rebelled.

We barely escaped the abuse of Christian fundamentalism and extremism. We certainly were scarred by many of their teachings that I allowed to infiltrate our worldview.

So many people completely miss the point of it all. I missed the point for many years and it has taken more years to heal myself and my kids.

I’ve spent several years reading books by Richard Rohr, Diana Butler Bass, Barbara Brown Taylor, Peter Enns, and others.

I read the works of many authors of other faiths. I read a lot about liberation theology. I educate myself. I have gone back around to being an intellectual, proud and not worried about being wrong or sinful. I can be happy and comforted that I won’t go to a hell I don’t believe in.

I now laugh at Pinterest recipes for “Christ-centered cupcakes.” What even is that? Christian contemporary music with lyrics about positivity and prosperity and Jesus being compared to a boyfriend is trying desperately to merge pop culture, pseudo-psychology, and religion.

I shared a joke on social media and hurt someone’s feelings. I then had to admit to myself and others that I am anti-church. I want and expect more from church than they’re willing to offer.

I am enraged that the church told me I had to purge all my books and DVDs that were “inappropriate.” We didn’t celebrate Halloween one year and I threw out all my vintage decorations and I just sick about that. I am saddened that my husband didn’t stop me or say anything at all about it. He didn’t realize the loss. He didn’t care. I gave up so many books – like my Anne Rice collection, with many signed copies, and I stopped reading her new works. I cherished those books and the memory of meeting her at the book signing and how she said she liked my ruffled jacket cuffs. I wish I had them back. I got rid of so many DVDs that had erotic content or sex scenes or vulgar language, but told a human story in all its realness and rawness. I was told that anything rated R was evil and if I couldn’t view something with my three-year-old child then I shouldn’t be watching it.

The church really does want its people infantilized, especially women. We are told that our entire purpose is to serve husband and children, no matter what else we do with our lives – careers, hobbies, interests. Those should take backstage or be obliterated completely. This is why reproductive rights are being fought about in our country. Men feel they can control women more effectively if women can’t choose when or if to be pregnant. Gender roles are strictly enforced within the church, sometimes by social conditioning, but we attended one church that actually had brochures with Bible verse citations, in the lobby, written by the pastor about how women and men should dress. I was admonished by many mentor ladies how to plan ahead in case I ever got sick, so as to never be unprepared and have to leave my husband or kids to fend for themselves.

This is brainwashing. I am embarrassed I let it go on as long as I did. I continue to unteach and reteach my kids about what’s ok and what should not have happened. I am slowly acquiring many of the books and movies and decorations I sold or threw away during our darkest times.

I experienced such cognitive dissonance trying to reconcile my intellectual curious mind with trying to learn church history and doctrine while homeschooling and teaching my children. I regret that I was horribly mean and abusive to my three young kids at the behest of the church, trying to control them and demand blind perfect obedience. Interestingly, most schools and American homes buy into this abusive obedience concept in spite of being secular. And we wonder why so many of us are mentally ill – depressed and anxious?

Church perpetuates abuse. It encourages parents to break the wills of children. It encourages women to stay unseen and unheard. It discourages questions because that is a threat to authority.

I realized recently how deeply ingrained the western church is with racism, white supremacy, patriarchy, and sexism. While so many churches say “all are welcome, ” and “come as you are,” very few are affirming or inclusive. These are just popular catch phrases to get people in the door. Enough stay and find their community, I guess.

Without these hateful ideologies, the church cannot maintain control it so desperately needs over a fearful people. The American Christian church just wants to control and it does so by preaching about Others, a duality, Us vs. Them. Whether or not a church agrees or aligns with all or some of Calvinism, those ideas are permeating churches.

White American evangelicalism teaches that western culture is what Jesus is all about. That is incorrect. We have seen so much imagery and realized so many conservatives are actually leading the country towards a theocracy. We have a big problem when churches have national flags and guns and pray for a political agenda instead of spiritual reconciliation.

I tried several denominations and churches and we moved around a lot – Georgia, Texas, Hawaii, Utah, Germany, and Ohio. We tried churches on military bases. We tried churches all over the cities near where we lived. It was exceedingly difficult to find community in a nonjudgmental and welcoming church. And it was hard feeling like we could fit in, knowing we would move in a few short years.

I’m tired of being blamed for being a bad and sinful parent because I don’t force my kids into a church that hates them and wants to change them “in the name of Jesus.” I can’t look the other way anymore as they preach about exclusivity, nationalism, white supremacy, prosperity, sexism, homophobia, transphobia – no matter how veiled and carefully so they seem to be loving and admonishing.

I want my kids to know that I extravagantly and unequivocally love them for who they are – gay, trans, pierced, tattooed, however. It hurts me to see them get side-eye at a church that is meant to love them in the name of Jesus. Jesus is love, right?

I don’t want my kids around elders, deacons, pastors who abuse their spouses and children – calling them names and belittling them, criticizing and encouraging hitting as discipline. I don’t want to be around that either and these people don’t want to hear my opinions about it. They didn’t want my opinions about anything.

I don’t want to feel exhausted anymore as churches demand more time, more money, more effort on my part and to help plan and implement events in which I have little to no interest – for evangelism and outreach and community building and fundraising. My husband completely bought into the serving mindset and I had to explain multiple times how we were taken advantage of with our desire to serve and our love languages of gift-giving and service. There were never any thanks, no appreciation. Just more, more, more. We could never do or give enough.

I understand that the church is and should be made up of broken people. The big difference I have discovered over the years and in many different cities is that while I strive to improve and learn and truly live a good spiritual life, too many are just going through the motions while being insulated in their hatred of others while having superiority complexes and being power-hungry and controlling. Too many professing Christians are complacent and lazy in their spiritual growth.

Yes, it is unfortunate that this has been my family’s experience in every church we have ever attended. I’m tired of apologizing to strangers who surely mean well that we do not and will not attend. Yes, I know there are affirming churches out there. I follow several pastors and teachers online. We visited a UCC right before COVID, but we didn’t have time to make any connections and now everything has changed and we have moved on and my family doesn’t care to try again.

Am I thrilled that your church is different? Absolutely! I read comments all the time on my blog posts and social media #notallchurches and how I should keep trying and that I am sinful for not gathering! Please stop. You’re not helping in any way. I just feel worse and more guilty. Do you not think I have tried and tried and tried again?

The pastor’s husband of the last church we attended got so offended when I shared an article about issues in the American church that he typed on my Facebook wall “Have a nice life.”

No one ever tried to keep us around when we left these churches. There were no check-ins. They don’t miss us.

Resources:

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Linking up: Eclectic Red Barn, God’s Growing Garden, Pinch of Joy, House on Silverado, OMHG, Ridge Haven, Random Musings, Jenerally Informed, InstaEncouragements, Suburbia, Mostly Blogging, Create with Joy, LouLou Girls, Simply Coffee, Joanne Viola, Anchored Abode, Life Abundant, Homestead, Penny’s Passion, Try it Like it, Katherine’s Corner, Soaring with Him, Slices of Life, Being a Wordsmith, Lisa Notes, Pieced Pastimes, Monticello, Answer is Chocolate, Momfessionals, Pam’s Party, April Harris,

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Deconstruction

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I spent 27 years maintaining a broken façade.

It’s taken me over 15 years to tear it all down.

I was a never good enough daughter. I was an average student. I was a terrible wife to an abusive husband. I can’t hold a successful job.

Then I was striving to be a good military wife.

I struggled to be a certain kind of homeschool mom.

Now I’m rebuilding.

I have an irresistible impulse to go home again in order to find myself.

But I don’t know where home is.

Deconstruction is a philosophical movement and theory of literary criticism that questions traditional assumptions about certainty, identity, and truth.

Jacques Derrida

Deconstructing into Wholeness

We’re all living in a time of deep social and spiritual upheaval. We’re off autopilot, all of us, reassessing everything.

Bob Holmes

Evaluation

When I didn’t know any better, it was hard.

I occasionally caught glimpses of a different perspective that I wanted but I didn’t understand it nor how I could achieve it.

I questioned everything. It was so important to me that I judged everything and wanted to know why instead of just blindly following.

I think we live in a very sick society and too few question how and why we are complacent.

But maybe every life looked wonderful if all you saw was the photo albums. People always obediently smiled and tilted their heads when a camera was put in front of them.

Liane Moriarty

When I had kids, I knew I wanted a good life for them, better than what I had. I knew I needed to completely reevaluate every single priority and choose wisely.

I tried so many different paths and it was terrible for my kids to have to walk with me while I discovered who I wanted to be.

What is truth? What do I want our truth to be?

Choices

Every single day, we experience choices.

Some choices don’t seem important or life-changing. There are articles, studies, books about making good choices and how even very simple decisions can impact our lives.

I didn’t have good choices. I didn’t have mentors or role models to help.

It’s taken me years to unravel and begin making better choices. My kids have good choices.

Making good morning choices is very important to ensure a good day.

I am not a morning person, but I try to get up at a reasonable hour.

I exercise three times a week before going downstairs to start my day. Sometimes, it’s just a few minutes but it makes a difference.

I make my bed every single day. It pleases me to see it neat and pretty.

I make a hot breakfast for my kids every weekday morning.

I wash a load of laundry every day and I put it away.

We read every day – aloud, together, separately. Reading is important.

We have a hot dinner together as a family every evening.

I take a walk outside every single day. Outside time is important.

I choose not to give into depression.

Reset

If I notice something off or someone seem excessively irritable, I look for a source for those symptoms.

I realize we have to reset.

We’ve maybe gotten too busy or rushed if someone is feeling stressed or anxious. We need to reevaluate our priorities and make some changes in our choices.

Nothing is certain. Everything is fluid and mutable.

Some weeks are just stressful and busy. I look to the light at the end of the appointments and meetings and sports practices for when I can rest a bit.

Self-Control

It’s super important for me to model self-control and help my kids learn to self-regulate.

We all experience big emotions sometimes and few of us has ever learned healthy ways to recognize or express those big feelings. It’s good to sit with feelings and learn to understand them.

I try to take time to talk through conflicts or issues rather than just reacting. Often a child experiences something and I feel triggered and have to take a break to experience that and realize I am not under attack.

We’ve come a long way and we are still learning.

Remodel

I still feel like I am searching for my identity.

Layers of irrelevant desires have peeled away during my 46 years. I am still seeking meaning and peace.

Just like I’m always updating my home and cleaning, adding, or removing, improving…I am doing the same things to my soul.

We’ve tried so many churches and spiritual paths over the years. I have gone full circle to the natural spirituality of my youth. We stopped going to church with all its racism and sexism and abuse a few years ago.

I remodel myself and remove all the false teachings I learned as a child from people who didn’t know any better or struggled with themselves. Many adults caused more harm than help and I am relearning healthier ways.

Introspection

I wasn’t always like this. I had to be reduced to ashes before realizing not everyone can withstand my darkness or sustain my light.

L.L. Musings

I’ve long known that I feel and seem different from most women. I never had close female friends. I didn’t fit in. I don’t have the same likes as many of the moms I’ve known over the years.

I don’t know what to do or what to say in many social situations.

There were too many shallow interactions. I don’t want to be in your wino book club, drunk Bunko, or shopping/lunch bunch. I don’t want to be in a Bible study where the ladies just sit around and brag how much better they are than others.

I prefer more to life than drinking and capitalism.

I don’t want shallow interactions or relationships. I would rather be alone.

Now, I just refuse to participate. I’m mostly fine being alone. It does seem odd to most people that I have absolutely zero friends, no support system, no one to put as an emergency contact.

Words like neurodivergence fly about and maybe I am… Maybe I’m on the spectrum. I know when and where and how I am comfortable.

I don’t want to compromise myself anymore.

I expect to continue to spend many more years learning and leaving behind the self I don’t want to be as I slowly become who I am.

Resources:

Linking up: Pinch of Joy, Grammy’s Grid, Silverado, Eclectic Red Barn, Anita Ojeda, Random Musings, Shelbee on Edge, Suburbia, InstaEncouragements, LouLou Girls, Jenerally Informed, God’s Growing Garden, OMHG, Create with Joy, Mostly Blogging, Wee Abode, Soaring with Him, Anchored Abode, Fluster Buster, Ducks in a Row, Life as LEO Wife, Penny’s Passion, Artful Mom, Try it Like it, Good Random Fun, Imparting Grace, Ridge Haven Homestead, Slices of Life, Momfessionals, Simply Beautiful, Modern Monticello, Pam’s Party, Lauren Sparks, Being a Wordsmith, Answer is Chocolate, April Harris,

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What can we do?

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One of the last times I attended church, I was dismayed by one of the deacons/elders proudly exclaiming that he gave lots of money to charities and that was all he was required and convicted to do as a Christian. He went on to say that Jesus wasn’t political and citizenship didn’t require any more of him than his comfortable middle class life allowed.

I stared at him with my mouth open. Nothing I could think of to say mattered or would change his mind.

I realize this attitude is common in the church. No one wants to get his hands dirty or actually work for justice. They don’t even realize injustice exists since they are protected in their privileged lives. Some people seem to think that injustice is just something in movies or made up for sensationalism in the news. It doesn’t affect them in any way. They shake their heads at people who somehow cause their own problems instead of seeing the systematic injustices for what they are.

That has been pretty much the mindset of most people I’ve known in church and we just don’t attend church anymore. It still hurt to hear it said out loud, in front of the pastor and their family.

The last few years have been hard.

The news has been awful.

We are living in a time of continuous war, pandemic, an attempted coup, domestic violence, racism, and child abuse.

Most people just shake their heads and nothing affects them. They are desensitized. They are untouched.

Yes, some are simply surviving. Many have taken a financial downturn or have health issues and it’s reasonable to take some time to cocoon and rest and hopefully emerge triumphant later.

But there’s almost always something we can do to improve the world we live in.

What can we do?

What bothers you?

It’s easy to be a social media warrior or armchair activist. Too many want to be performative in their charitable activities, taking selfies while donating or providing a service.

If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention.

Sit and seethe and learn from your feelings, especially the feelings deemed wrong or negative by caregivers and authority figures when we were growing up.

Ask questions of your soul about how your religion alienates and ostracizes others who might look or live or pray differently than you do.

What do you think needs to change?

Where does your heart, passion, talent lie?

What can I do where I am?

Learn

Read, read, read. Find book lists of authors of color, LGBTQA+, those who survived poverty, mental illness, or war, anyone different than you. Internalize their struggle and experiences. Realize your privilege.

Follow people different than you on social media and watch, read, listen. Don’t feel the need to comment in outrage, sadness, or solidarity. That is not for you.

Start making friends with people who look or live differently than you do.

Volunteer

There are lots of opportunities for volunteering. You can start small. Give an hour. Let your children help or see you.

There are lots of needs in our parks and public communities, schools, libraries, women’s centers, shelters for the unhoused, your workplace.

Look at the organization’s purpose and vision to determine if it fits your beliefs and values.

Protest

Join a peaceful protest in your community, city, school, or workplace.

Yes, there could be potential consequences. Plan accordingly.

What are you willing to risk?

Get Involved

Learn about how local, state, and federal government decisions affect you and your children and neighbors.

Be a concerned citizen.

Attend community and city meetings.

Vote.

Write to local leaders.

Write to your Congress people.

You don’t get to complain for not knowing the facts or not making a difference.

Donate

Yes, it’s good to donate, but do so mindfully and intelligently.

Look at the organization and make sure the people they claim to help actually receive the assistance they need and not so much the CEOs making the big bucks.

Also, look at where you use your money and why. Spend more wisely. There are lots of great companies that have better products and pay better wages to their employees and treat their customers and employees better than the huge conglomerates where you’re just a number. We use the Buycott app to choose better products when we’re shopping. We can slowly change our habits to get better sourced chocolate and coffee, more sustainable clothing and cleaning supplies.

What will you do?

There’s a lot we can do other than doomscrolling and lamenting the state of the country and world.

We can begin by being mindful where we spend our money and how we spend our time. We can learn about the world and how we can improve conditions for everyone.

We live in the dumbest dystopia where people on social media are casting movies about wars while they are taking place. I am tired of fragile white men cry about beer and wanting to continue to abuse women and revel in their toxicity.

It’s frustrating that most of our news comes from companies owned by billionaires who just want to rule the world and have all the power with none of the responsibility.

Linking up: A Pinch of Joy, House on Silverado, Grammy’s Grid, April Harris, Anita Ojeda, Random Musings, Uncommon Surburbia, Mostly Blogging, Create with Joy, Eclectic Red Barn, Stroll Thru Life, Shelbee on the Edge, LouLou Girls, God’s Growing Garden, InstaEncouragements, Jeanne Takenaka, Jenerally Informed, Anchored Abode, Ridge Haven Homestead, Ducks in a Row, Fluster Buster, Imparting Grace, Slices of Life, Artful Mom, Try it Like it, Good Random Fun, LEO Wife, Simply Beautiful, Modern Monticello, Answer is Chocolate, Bijou Life, Lauren Sparks, CWJ, Pieced Pastimes, Momfessionals, OMHG,

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Celebrating Summer Solstice

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In the Northern Hemisphere, the summer solstice usually falls between June 20 and June 22.

The summer solstice symbolizes rebirth or return of the light.

The word “Solstice” is derived from the Latin words Sol+systere, meaning “Sun”+ “standing still.”  The Summer Solstice is the longest day and the shortest night of the year. Following this Solstice, the days get shorter and the nights longer.

Many traditions celebrated the Solstices — Ancient Egyptians, the Aztecs of Mexico, Chinese, Chumash Indians of California, Indigenous Europeans.

In China, people mark the day by honoring Li, the Chinese Goddess of Light. The Dragon Boat Festival is a major event celebrated on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month, placing it near enough to the summer solstice that many people associate the two.

In Sweden, Litha (to illuminate, to shine, light) is celebrated with bonfires and maypoles and festival celebration.

The main features of the Tirgan festival in Iran are dancing, reading poetry, splashing water on others, and eating traditional foods such as spinach soup and saffron rice pudding. People also like to wear rainbow colored bands tied to their wrists for 10 days, then tossing them into the water or traditionally “giving them to the god of the wind.”

In North America, many Native American tribes held ritual dances to honor the sun. The Sioux were known to hold one of the most spectacular rituals— The Sun Dance. Their bodies were decorated in the symbolic colors of red (sunset), blue (sky), yellow (lightning), white (light), and black (night).

On the morning of the summer solstice, the sun rises above the Stonehenge Heel Stone in England on the avenue leading up to the monument’s Stone Circle, and the morning sun rays shine directly into the center of the monument. English Heritage will Live Stream the event for the first time ever in 2020!

St. John’s Day

Usually, a saint’s feast day is celebrated on the day that the saint died. St. John along with the Virgin Mary are the only two saints whose birthdays are celebrated.

St. John’s Day is one of the oldest festivals celebrated by Christians. It is celebrated six months before Christmas and is one of the principle festivals of the Christian religion. Like Christmas, this day is marked with three masses; first a vigil, second a dawn mass, and finally another at midday.

The feast day of Saint John the Baptist is a popular feast day in many European countries. It coincided nicely with much older pagan holidays that celebrated the summer solstice. It is still celebrated as a religious feast day in several countries, such as Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania. A central theme in the celebrations is the lighting of bonfires.

Typical customs may include the gathering of the perennial herb St. John’s Wort for medicinal, religious, or spiritual use. The collection of flowers for floral wreaths is popular. The wreaths are dried and hung in the house all year until the next St. John’s Day.

The feast falling around the time of the solstice is considered by many to be significant, recalling the words of John the Baptist with regard to Jesus: “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30).

The radiant beauty of the world
Compels my inmost soul to free
God-given powers of my nature
That they may soar into the cosmos,
To take wing from myself
And trustingly to seek myself
In cosmic light and cosmic warmth.

Calendar of the Soul

Midsummer

In the town of Kuldīga in Latvia, many people participate in a naked jog through the town on June 24th, at 3 a.m., taking them over the Venta River where they’re greeted with beer.

In Estonia, the lighting of the bonfire and jumping over it is an important tradition, done to bring prosperity and luck as well as protect the home.

In Austria the midsummer solstice is celebrated each year with a spectacular procession of ships down the Danube River as it flows through the wine-growing Wachau Valley just north of Vienna. Up to thirty ships sail down the river in line as fireworks erupt from the banks and hill tops while bonfires blaze and the vineyards are lit up. Lighted castle ruins also erupt with fireworks during the 90-minute cruise downstream.

How to Celebrate Summer Solstice

Sunbathing. Wear sunscreen of course!

Make a flower crown or wreath.

Suncatcher crafts.

Gardening.

Go to a butterfly house or garden.

Make or buy or be a sundial.

Learn about and play with shadows.

Read summer books. Read Midsummer’s Night’s Dream by Shakespeare!

Visit a local farmer’s market.

Gather healing plants and herbs.

Bonfire. Fire is used symbolically throughout summer solstice celebrations in praise of the sun, to bring luck and to ward off the darkness.  And the spiral is also a symbol associated with the solstices. It’s a great night to host a backyard bbq with marshmallows!

Happy Summer!

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Celebrating Winter Solstice

Celebrating Lammas Day

Celebrating May Day

Celebrating Candlemas, Groundhog Day, St. Brigid

Celebrating Halloween and All Saints Day

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How I Teach Religion

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My town hosted a big evangelical Christian rally last year on a summer Sunday evening at a local public park.

It was a big rock and roll concert, laser lights, food trucks, loud worship, and louder preaching.

I could barely hear the birds and cicadas in my backyard from 4:30-8:30.

Their purpose confuses me.

I looked up the sponsoring organization. They mostly advertise charity work. They’re independent of denomination.

They planted trees at a local school and they were very involved in tornado relief around Dayton for a couple months. Everything they post on social media screams, “Look at me! Look at the good we do – for Jesus!”

I’m reminded of the condemnation of showy religion in Matthew 6.

Their statement lists that marriage is between one man and one woman. Some of their language assumes that women are reduced to lesser jobs, unable to serve in leadership positions, like in many evangelical and fundamentalist denominations.

My biggest concerns are how a religious charity is involved with public schools (separation of church and state?) and the white saviors on their website and social media photos and videos – usually posed smiling with beautiful black and brown children. Do those families know their children are being exploited?

I see things like this more and more. Perhaps in the USA, people really just don’t know any better.

In seeking to fill a hole in our souls, people turn to performative activism and churchtainment instead of doing the work for sacred inner transformation.

Teaching religion to my children is very important to me. I didn’t attend church or learn anything of value about religion when I was growing up.

I don’t rely on church or Sunday school or pastors because they have always disappointed me. Sometimes, they have been outright wrong or hateful or exclusionary. I have certain values I want to instill and I want history and doctrine taught well.

As a family, we have been seekers of Truth. We’ve attended AWANA, Sunday school, VBS, and several different church denomination services over the years. I am often appalled by the curriculum, teaching (or lack thereof), refusal to answer questions (the kids’ and mine), advertisements for questionable charities and services, emotional and psychological abuse, and lukewarm attitudes.

I am disgusted by Christian celebrity worship.

I lean more towards Celtic mysticism, but I encourage my children to learn and worship on their own however they feel comfortable. It’s not my job to convert them to anything.

What is religion?

Religion is a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

How do I guide and teach my kids religion? Do I just rely on a denomination, church leaders and officials, Christian TV and music, or do I let them loose on their own to figure it out?

It is religion’s job to teach us and guide us on this discovery of our True Self, but it usually makes the mistake of turning this into a worthiness contest of some sort, a private performance, or some kind of religious achievement on our part, through our belonging to the right group, practicing the right rituals, or believing the right things.

Richard Rohr, Falling Upward

Questions to ask when choosing religion curriculum:

  1. How does the program support your mission statement?
  2. What type of curriculum is best for my children? (Lectionary, workshop rotation, story-based, Montessori, etc.)
  3. How are sacraments taught /covered? Is this in keeping with my tradition?
  4. How is Jesus portrayed? God? The Holy Spirit? Is this in keeping with my tradition?
  5. How are children incorporated into religious life: through worship, service projects, faith-in-action, fellowship?

Religious education is the teaching of the aspects of religion: beliefs, doctrines, rituals, customs, rites, and personal roles.

I feel a lot of churches really miss the mark on religious education. Church leaders wrongly assume that people have been raised in church, have healthy spiritual lives, are discussing spiritual topics with their kids, are active in their communities, have it all figured out.

In almost every world religion, we are commanded to LOVE GOD and LOVE OUR NEIGHBOR.

Good neighboring means we want to find a way to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. 

How can we be loving neighbors?

That the cross stands at the center of the Christian faith, tells us that pain and suffering are not without meaning. In fact, we believe that they can serve a redemptive purpose. Not that we go looking for pain and suffering, it’s just that we don’t need to be afraid when pain and suffering come looking for us. Frederick Buechner, termed this approach the stewardship of pain. I think that’s what we’re after. Often, when I find myself bristling against the bridle of pain, I remember of the words of Barbara Brown Taylor: “Not to accept suffering as a normal, inevitable part of being alive seems like a big mistake, and finding ways to cover it up seems like choosing anesthesia. There is a sense in which…if I will trust that what comes to me in my life is for me and not against me…what I find is that it breaks my idols, that it breaks my isolation, that it challenges my sense of independence, it does all kinds of things for me that I would not willingly do that are for me, that are for my health.”

Tim Suttle

America is a culture of pew warmers who sing pretty songs while ignoring social justice and personal inner change.

Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions.

Henri Nouwen

As I read aloud the Quran and Womanist Midrash to my children every weekday morning, I feel deceived, lied to – by church, society, history.

It is my job to learn, learn, learn in order to teach my children best. I do lots of research and I have spent years deconstructing my faith and my life to get to the heart of religion – LOVE.

How I Teach Religion

Faith

It’s hard to teach religion if I don’t understand it.

It’s been a rough faith journey and I’m now realizing it’s a never-ending walk. I’m coming full circle.

I didn’t grow up in church or with any real understanding of Christianity.

I said a prayer before dinner and at bedtime and that was about it.

Learning to live a life of faith is important for me to model for my children.

I had to learn what faith meant to me by trial and error, reading lots and lots and lots, and watching what not to do.

Faith is not what some people think it is. Their human dream is a delusion. Because they observe that faith is not followed by good works or a better life, they fall into error, even though they speak and hear much about faith. “Faith is not enough,” they say, “You must do good works, you must be pious to be saved.” They think that, when you hear the gospel, you start working, creating by your own strength a thankful heart which says, “I believe.” That is what they think true faith is. But, because this is a human idea, a dream, the heart never learns anything from it, so it does nothing and reform doesn’t come from this `faith,’ either.

Instead, faith is God’s work in us, that changes us and gives new birth from God. (John 1:13). It kills the Old Adam and makes us completely different people. It changes our hearts, our spirits, our thoughts and all our powers. It brings the Holy Spirit with it. Yes, it is a living, creative, active and powerful thing, this faith. Faith cannot help doing good works constantly. It doesn’t stop to ask if good works ought to be done, but before anyone asks, it already has done them and continues to do them without ceasing. Anyone who does not do good works in this manner is an unbeliever. He stumbles around and looks for faith and good works, even though he does not know what faith or good works are. Yet he gossips and chatters about faith and good works with many words.

Faith is a living, bold trust in God’s grace, so certain of God’s favor that it would risk death a thousand times trusting in it. Such confidence and knowledge of God’s grace makes you happy, joyful and bold in your relationship to God and all creatures. The Holy Spirit makes this happen through faith. Because of it, you freely, willingly and joyfully do good to everyone, serve everyone, suffer all kinds of things, love and praise the God who has shown you such grace. Thus, it is just as impossible to separate faith and works as it is to separate heat and light from fire! Therefore, watch out for your own false ideas and guard against good-for-nothing gossips, who think they’re smart enough to define faith and works, but really are the greatest of fools. Ask God to work faith in you, or you will remain forever without faith, no matter what you wish, say or can do.

Martin Luther

Do we do all this alone?

  1. Sola scriptura (“by Scripture alone”)
  2. Sola fide (“by faith alone”)
  3. Sola gratia (“by grace alone”)
  4. Solus Christus or Solo Christo (“Christ alone” or “through Christ alone”)
  5. Soli Deo gloria (“glory to God alone”)

While this oversimplifies the purpose of faith, I also worry about individualism in place of community.

Doctrine

I’ve taught Sunday school and Wednesday night classes to adults and children. I’ve taught parenting classes, Bible classes, financial classes, health classes.

I’ve been criticized for sarcasm, jokes, my appearance, photography, crafts, storybook read alouds, and more.

Not many of you should become teachers, because we know that we teachers will be judged more strictly.

James 3:1

I’m tired of being told I’m a sinner, evil, bad, wrong.

I’m tired of being told what I can and can’t read, watch, eat, do, wear.

I’m not caught up in rules or legalism.

The older and wiser I get, the fewer rules I find important.

We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

I have no patience for discrimination or exclusion.

I’m not interested in a vanilla church that looks like a private country club and has worthless social events.

I don’t want our family members separated out at the door of a church building to go to age-segregated classrooms to learn about complementarianism.

It’s not my job to be the Holy Spirit to my family.

I don’t believe that my kids can’t doubt or ask hard questions about God, Jesus, the Bible.

I don’t believe in stressing out on the American idea of Heaven and Hell.

Jesus died on a cross to show us what love looks like in action.

Nearly half of young LGBT people who are left homeless after coming out are from religious backgrounds.

That’s according to research by the Albert Kennedy Trust (AKT), which supports young people who are at risk of homelessness.

The charity says three in four LGBT people are rejected by their families – and 45% of that number are from a faith background.

Nomia Iqbal and Josh Parry, BBC

We stopped going to church for many reasons. I have yet to find a church that is not complicit in racism and sexism, even if they are actively engaged in social justice and trying hard. I’m not interested in an American nationalist capitalist Jesus.

Being complicit only requires a muted response in the face of injustice or uncritical support of the status quo.

Jemar Tisby

I enjoy reading to my family and learning and growing in our faith together. We read lots about church fathers, saints, missionaries, poetry, nature…God is everywhere.

History

I feel it’s important to understand church history and the history of all world religions.

I love comparing and contrasting religions around the world.

I find history fascinating and I love learning how parallel and similar world religions are.

We learn a great deal about the origins of religions during our Ancient History studies every few years.

We enjoyed learning about and visiting churches in Europe.

We learn the Old Testament stories like the literature, myths, and legends they are.

We read about missionaries and discuss what they did wrong and right about evangelizing and helping people.

I enjoy exploring the music traditions, celebrations, and unique customs of religions.

Practice

Adhering to our faith, expanding our knowledge, and learning history isn’t enough.

We have to put into practice what we believe.

Acts of love, mercy, and grace are important.

Charity work and volunteering are difficult with young kids when most organizations want only adults.

What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless. Now someone may argue, “Some people have faith; others have good deeds.” But I say, “How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.” You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. How foolish! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless? Don’t you remember that our ancestor Abraham was shown to be right with God by his actions when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see, his faith and his actions worked together. His actions made his faith complete. And so it happened just as the Scriptures say: “Abraham believed God, and God counted him as righteous because of his faith.” He was even called the friend of God. So you see, we are shown to be right with God by what we do, not by faith alone.

James 2:14-24

I believe in “Kingdom come on Earth as it is in Heaven.”

We are the church and we are the hands and feet of God.

We need to show Heaven to the People.

We are the Kingdom of God. It is at hand. Reach out for it!

Inclusive Reading list:

World Faith

Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, and Judaism are the main world religions. There are lots of variations within them and other smaller faiths and beliefs throughout the world.

Panentheism: the belief or doctrine that God is greater than the universe and includes and interpenetrates it.

I teach my kids the history and customs of other faiths and traditions. I want them to understand and not fear others who are different. We are delighted by some of the customs in their simplicity, complexity, and beauty.

We see things on media that incite fear and otherness and I won’t allow that to dictate our views. We discuss it and refute it.

Love wins.

Resources:

How do you teach religion to your children?

Famous People of Church History Notebooking Pages
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How I Pray

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I didn’t grow up in a praying household.

Religion was ridiculed and people of faith were considered weak.

It’s taken me 20+ years to consider faith and it’s been a rocky journey at best.

I don’t pray as regularly as I should, nor about the right things all the time. I’m selfish and sinful and mean and hateful and hypocritical and judgy. As are we all.

Prayer guilt haunts me with that ongoing uncomfortable, knowing feeling that I really shouldn’t be in ministry because mature saints would pray more than I do, and with much more fervor; prayer laced with Puritanesque, Princetonian, seminary vocabulary, and Biblical theology would be good too.

Pete Alwinson

I won’t pray for you the trite “happiness and health” because those things aren’t guaranteed, nor are they the most important.

I’m disgusted by the misuse of offering “thoughts and prayers” for tragedies, as if it helps anyone. Sometimes, silence is better.

I think prayer is more for Us than for God or the Universe or Others.

When you pray, don’t be like hypocrites. They love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners so that people will see them. I assure you, that’s the only reward they’ll get. But when you pray, go to your room, shut the door, and pray to your Father who is present in that secret place. Your Father who sees what you do in secret will reward you. When you pray, don’t pour out a flood of empty words, as the Gentiles do. They think that by saying many words they’ll be heard. Don’t be like them, because your Father knows what you need before you ask.

Matthew 6:5-8

We learn about ourselves when we pray. We discover our values, needs, desires, wants.

Our eyes only see basic shapes and colors. Our minds perceive what we see. In seeing love in the face of others is to see God. To pray for others is to embrace God.

I think there are many different kinds of prayer.

Types of prayer:

  1. Communion (All day, all the time)
  2. Supplication (Lifting up your needs)
  3. Dedication, Sanctification, and Consecration (Ceremony  for service)
  4. Praise (Joyful recounting of all God has done for us)
  5. Worship (Losing self in the adoration of God)
  6. Intercession (On behalf of others)
  7. Spiritual Warfare — Two types: Dealing with yourself (Your mind is the battlefield and Repentance and Forgiveness) and Dealing with Others (Putting on the Full Armor and Binding & Loosing)
  8. Agreement (Corporate Prayer)
  9. Watch & Pray (Continual State of Awareness as a Watchman on the Wall)
  10. Thanksgiving (Count your Blessings; name them one by one)

How I Pray

I grew up thinking that prayer was all about coveting, thanksgiving, and praise.

I memorized little prayers before meals and at bedtime, but it didn’t really mean anything.

I believe prayer is a constant conversation.

It can be long, wordless, or simply an exclamation.

I often express thanks or exasperation or request assistance. I never feel as if I am alone in my endeavours. Sometimes, I want reassurance that Someone else witnessed this or that along with me.

Prayer is then not just a formula of words, or a series of desires springing up in the heart – it is the orientation of our whole body, mind, and spirit to God in silence, attention, and adoration. All good meditative prayer is a conversion of our entire self to God.

Thomas Merton

Prayer as a Discipline

Liturgy of the Hours 

The arrangement of the Liturgy of the Hours as described by Saint Benedict:

  • Matins (during the night, at about 2 a.m.) also called Vigil and perhaps composed of two or three Nocturns
  • Lauds or Dawn Prayer (at dawn about 5 a.m. or earlier in summer and later in winter)
  • Prime or Early Morning Prayer (First Hour = approximately 6 a.m.)
  • Terce or Mid-Morning Prayer (Third Hour = approximately 9 a.m.)
  • Sext or Midday Prayer (Sixth Hour = approximately 12 noon)
  • None or Mid-Afternoon Prayer (Ninth Hour = approximately 3 p.m.)
  • Vespers or Evening Prayer (“at the lighting of the lamps” about 6 p.m.)
  • Compline or Night Prayer (before retiring about 7 p.m.)

Daily Examen

The Daily Examen that St. Ignatius practiced:

1. Become aware of God’s presence.
2. Review the day with gratitude.
3. Pay attention to your emotions.
4. Choose one feature of the day and pray from it.
5. Look toward tomorrow.

Contemplative Prayer

While contemplation is a train of thought about something, meditation is training the mind to rest in a particular focus that leads to a connection to the source of consciousness itself.

Contemplative prayer follows Christian meditation and is the highest form of prayer which aims to achieve a close spiritual union with God. Both Eastern and Western Christian teachings have emphasized the use of meditative prayers as an element in increasing one’s knowledge of Christ.

 Augustine spoke of seven stages:

  1. the first three are merely natural preliminary stages, corresponding to the vegetative, sensitive and rational levels of human life;
  2. the fourth stage is that of virtue or purification;
  3. the fifth is that of the tranquillity attained by control of the passions;
  4. the sixth is entrance into the divine light (the illuminative stage);
  5. the seventh is the indwelling or unitive stage that is truly mystical contemplation.

Saint Teresa of Avila described four degrees or stages of mystical union:

  1. incomplete mystical union, or the prayer of quiet or supernatural recollection, when the action of God is not strong enough to prevent distractions, and the imagination still retains a certain liberty;
  2. full or semi-ecstatic union, when the strength of the divine action keeps the person fully occupied but the senses continue to act, so that by making an effort, the person can cease from prayer;
  3. ecstatic union, or ecstasy, when communications with the external world are severed or nearly so, and one can no longer at will move from that state; and
  4. transforming or deifying union, or spiritual marriage (properly) of the soul with God.

Contemplative prayer in my opinion is nothing else than a close sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with him who we know loves us.’ Contemplative prayer seeks him “whom my soul loves.” It is Jesus, and in him, the Father. We seek him, because to desire him is always the beginning of love, and we seek him in that pure faith which causes us to be born of him and to live in him. In this inner prayer we can still meditate, but our attention is fixed on the Lord himself.

St. Teresa of Avila

Stages of contemplative prayer by Dionysius the Pseudo-Areopagite:

  • Katharsis (purification)
  • Contemplation/theoria (illumination), also called “natural” or “acquired contemplation”
  • Unity (theosis), also called “infused” or “higher contemplation”; indwelling in God; vision of God; deification; union with God

My prayer for my children:

I pray for you LESS.

Self.

Stuff.

Negativity.

I pray you are GENEROUS.

With

Your time.

Your money.

Your love.

your joy.

I pray you TRUST.

even when others hurt you.

when you’re scared.

when you feel lost and alone.

I pray you are SEEN.

for what you do.

for how you love.

for who you are.

and try to see others for who they really are.

I pray you feel LOVED.

despite the cruelty and coldness of this world.

even when no one expresses gratitude.

FAIL spectacularly.

and get up again, and again, and again.

Learn from your failures.

The highest form of prayer is to stand silently in awe of God.

St. Isaac the Syrian.

I really like this Mystic Prayers page.

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What’s your favorite way to pray?

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Celebrating St. Stephen

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When we visited Rome over Christmas, we prepared ourselves for everything to be closed early on Christmas Eve, all day Christmas Day, and all day on St. Stephen’s Day. It was a little stressful since we were staying in an apartment and worried about having enough to do and eat on those few days. We knew we couldn’t pop down to the local big box store or off to a chain restaurant for a meal. There weren’t any and nothing was open.

We didn’t have leftovers from our takeout to make anything traditional for the day.

The traditional food would be St. Stephen’s Day stew made up of turkey, ham or bacon, vegetables, and other leftovers served hot. Cakes and pies would be served for dessert.

It’s traditional for people to visit the nativity scenes inside local churches and make a small donation. It was a sunny day and we enjoyed walking and looking at the sites along with locals.

San Lorenzo fuori le Mura is about 1.5 hours away on foot, so we never did get to see that part of Rome.

Celebrating St. Stephen

Stephen was a deacon in the early church at Jerusalem who upset the Jewish leaders with his teachings. Accused of blasphemy at his trial, he made a long speech denouncing the Jewish authorities who were sitting in judgment on him and was then stoned to death. His martyrdom was witnessed by Saul of Tarsus, a Pharisee who would later become a follower of Jesus and known as Paul the Apostle.

In Western Churches around the world, St. Stephen’s Day is celebrated on December 26, the day after Christmas. In Eastern Orthodox Churches where the Julian calendar is used, St. Stephen’s Day is celebrated on December 27th. St. Stephen was the first Christian martyr who died around the year of 34 A.D.

St. Stephen is the patron saint of stonemasons, casket makers, sufferers of headaches, horses and deacons.

Read the interesting account in the Bible in Acts 6-8:1. Stephen’s speech about Jewish history is interesting and objectionable by many as anti-Semitic. He changed from “our ancestors” to “your ancestors” at the end before he is stoned.

Yesterday we celebrated the temporal birth of our Eternal King; today we celebrate the triumphant passion of His soldier. For yesterday our King, clothed in the garb of our flesh and coming from the palace of the virginal womb, deigned to visit the world; today the soldier, leaving the tent of the body, has gone to heaven in triumph. The one, while preserving the majesty of the everlasting God, putting on the servile girdle of flesh, entered into the field of this world ready for the fray. The other, laying aside the perishable garment of the body, ascended to the palace of heaven to reign eternally. The One descended, veiled in flesh; the other ascended, crowned with blood.

The latter ascended while the Jews were stoning him because the former descended while the angels were rejoicing. “Glory to God in the highest,” sang the exulting angels yesterday; today rejoicing, they received Stephen into their company. Yesterday the Lord came forth from the womb of the Virgin; today the soldier of Christ has passed from the prison of the flesh.

Yesterday Christ was wrapped in swathing bands for our sake; today Stephen is clothed by Him in the robe of immortality. Yesterday the narrow confines of the crib held the Infant Christ; today the immensity of heaven has received the triumphant Stephen. The Lord descended alone that He might raise up many; our King has humbled Himself that He might exalt His soldiers. It is necessary for us, nevertheless, brethren, to acknowledge with what arms Stephen was girded and able to overcome the cruelty of the Jews that thus he merited so happily to triumph.

Stephen, therefore, that he might merit to obtain the crown his name signifies, had as his weapon charity, and by means of that he was completely victorious. Because of love for God, he did not flee the raging Jews: because of his love of neighbor he interceded for those stoning him. Because of love he convinced the erring of their errors, that they might be corrected; because of love, he prayed for those stoning him that they might not be punished. Supported by the strength of charity, he overcame Saul, who was so cruelly raging against him; and him whom he had as a persecutor on earth, he deserved to have as a companion in heaven.

St. Fulgentius, Third Sermon on St. Stephen

Countries around the world list St. Stephen’s Day as an official public holiday including Austria, Slovakia, Germany, Canada, Finland, Poland, Italy, Ireland, England, Australia, Czech Republic, Croatia, the region of Catalonia, and many others. Often, people of these countries will celebrate the holiday by spending time with close family and friends, and having meals together.

In Finland, in addition to spending time with family and friends, St. Stephen’s Day is celebrated with sleigh rides or horse rides, as St. Stephen was known as the patron saint of horses. These rides generally take place in small towns and rural areas.

One of the oldest folk-songs of Sweden, Saint Stephen was Riding (Staffansvisa) is sung at Christmastide in honor of St. Stephen, telling the delightful “Miracle of the Cock.” According to this story, Herod would not believe Stephen when he was told that “One greater than thou has been born this holy night.” The proof of his words came when a roasted cock rose up out of the gravy and crowed as he had crowed at the break of day.

The Staffan of the song has the features of two entirely different personalities, those of the deacon, St. Stephen of Jerusalem, whose feast is celebrated on December 26 and therefore closely connected with Christmas, and those of the eleventh century missionary, Staffan, who traveled far in the north. The latter was killed by pagans; and an unbroken foal brought his body to Norrala, where a chapel was built over his grave. In all Germanic lands he became the patron of health and of horses, and being confused with St. Stephen of Jerusalem he shares in his honors on December 26, such as the “Stephen-Cup,” drunk to good health, and horseback rides around churches and through villages.

In Ireland, St. Stephen’s Day is known as the Day of the Wren. This day is an official holiday of Ireland. The Irish name is called Lá Fhéile Stiofán (Boxing Day) or Lá an Dreoilin (Wren Day). The Wren’s Day celebration began hundreds and hundreds of years ago. One explanation for Wren Day was that St. Stephen was in hiding from his enemies. Unfortunately, he was hiding near a wren. The wren’s chirping gave away St. Stephen’s hiding place and he was found. The wren, therefore, was to be captured and stoned to death, just as St. Stephen was stoned to death. Today, musicians travel from house to house in search of the wren. As they visit each house, they receive money, food or drink as they sing the wren song. This is just one version of the wren song found in an old Irish tale:

The wren, the wren, the king of all birds,
On St. Stephenses day he was caught in the furze;
Although he’s small, his family’s great,
So pray, good ladies, give us a trate.”

Catalonia is another region which celebrates St. Stephen’s Day. In this region, a festive luncheon is served with cannelloni stuffed with escudella i carn d’olla (leftover turkey meat from Christmas day dinner).

St. Stephen’s Day is also called Boxing Day. Boxing Day pertains to filling boxes with gifts to give to others. Countries which celebrate Boxing Day include UK, Australia, Canada, Wales, and other Commonwealth communities. This day is a national holiday in many of these countries.

The old English carol Good King Wenceslas tells how King Wenceslas went out on St. Stephen’s day to bring charity to the poor. The snow was covered with the blood of his freezing feet:

Heat was in the very sod which the saint had printed.

With St. Stephen as our teacher, we learn quickly that as Christ came to us on Christmas Day so we must follow in the footsteps of the holy martyrs in our way to God. Psalm 62, used on the feast of St. Stephen, is a first lesson to teach:

O God, Thou art my God: earnestly do I seek Thee, My soul thirsts for Thee, my flesh longs for Thee, like a dry and thirsty land, without water. So do I gaze upon Thee in the sanctuary, to see Thy might and Thy glory. . . .

Antiphon: My soul cleaves to Thee, because my flesh was stoned for Thee, my God.

Lauds for the feast of St. Stephen, 3rd Psalm and Antiphon

Prayer: Lord Jesus, you chose Stephen as the first deacon and martyr of your One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. The heroic witness of his holy life and death reveals your continued presence among us. Through following the example of his living faith, and by his intercession, empower us by your Holy Spirit to live as witnesses to the faith in this New Missionary Age. No matter what our state in life, career or vocation, help us to proclaim, in both word and in deed, the fullness of the Gospel to a world which is waiting to be born anew in Jesus Christ. Pour out upon your whole Church, the same Holy Spirit which animated St Stephen, Martyr, to be faithful to the end, which is a beginning of life eternal in the communion of the Trinity.

Scripture: Acts 6:8-7:60

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Celebrating Winter Solstice

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The winter solstice which falls on or around December 21, marks an important milestone. It’s the shortest day of the year and the longest night of the year, signaling a powerful transition point between seasons.

“Solstice” comes from two Latin words: sol meaning “sun” and sistere meaning “to stand still” because it appeared as though the sun and moon had stopped moving across the sky.

Other names are “midwinter,” the “extreme of winter,” or the “shortest day.”

The birth of Jesus at the solstice is symbolic of the birth of the spiritual sun within, that we are not separate from our Creator, as we have been conditioned to believe to feel that we are less than divine.

Many visit Stonehenge in UK and Newgrange in Ireland for Solstice festivals.

Saint Thomas

St. Thomas is known for his doubts, and for demanding physical proof of the wounds of Christ’s Crucifixion. He was the first person to explicitly acknowledge the divinity of Jesus.

St. Thomas died on December 21, 72, in Mylapore, India.

This was traditionally the feast of St. Thomas the Apostle; his feast is now celebrated on July 3rd. 

St. Thomas day, St. Thomas gray,
The longest night and shortest day.

In Tyrol and in parts of Canada, this was considered “pie day,” with meat pies baked for the family, then cooled and frozen. The pies are saved for the feast of the Epiphany, and are thawed, reheated, and eaten.

In England, this was a day of charity, when the poor women went a “Thomasing” or begging. Wheat was cooked and distributed for the poor.

A seven-day celebration culminates every year on December 21, when many Christians in Guatemala observe Saint Thomas’ Day in honor of Thomas the Apostle.

Celebrate doubts, questions, concerns. Discuss with family, friends, or a prayer group.

A lovely lesson from Kennedy Adventures.

Blue Christmas

It’s natural and normal to feel a little down this time of year.

Many of us feel the loss of loved ones more poignantly during the holidays. Some struggle with all the hustle and bustle and commercialism. Mental illness becomes sharper with all the holiday expectations.

There are many quiet and dimmed “Blue Christmas” services and meetings for those who are depressed, lonely, traumatized, or just want something different than the joyful and bright holiday events.

The winter solstice represents the seasonal “dark night of the soul.”

We are a reflection of the universe that surrounds us. What takes place outside of us, must also take place within us.

The Dark Night of the Soul (from Spanish) by Saint John of the Cross

Once in the dark of night,
Inflamed with love and yearning, I arose
(O coming of delight!)
And went, as no one knows,
When all my house lay long in deep repose

All in the dark went right,
Down secret steps, disguised in other clothes,
(O coming of delight!)
In dark when no one knows,
When all my house lay long in deep repose.

And in the luck of night
In secret places where no other spied
I went without my sight
Without a light to guide
Except the heart that lit me from inside.

It guided me and shone
Surer than noonday sunlight over me,
And led me to the one
Whom only I could see
Deep in a place where only we could be.

O guiding dark of night!
O dark of night more darling than the dawn!
O night that can unite
A lover and loved one,
Lover and loved one moved in unison.

And on my flowering breast
Which I had kept for him and him alone
He slept as I caressed
And loved him for my own,
Breathing an air from redolent cedars blown.

And from the castle wall
The wind came down to winnow through his hair
Bidding his fingers fall,
Searing my throat with air
And all my senses were suspended there.

I stayed there to forget.
There on my lover, face to face, I lay.
All ended, and I let
My cares all fall away
Forgotten in the lilies on that day.

Sing the carol: “In the Bleak Midwinter.”

Music: “Cranham,” Gustav Theodore Holst, 1906. Words: Christina Georgina Rossetti, 1872.

In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow,
In the bleak midwinter, long ago.

Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him, nor earth sustain;
Heaven and earth shall flee away when He comes to reign.
In the bleak midwinter a stable place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty, Jesus Christ.

Enough for Him, whom cherubim, worship night and day,
Breastful of milk, and a mangerful of hay;
Enough for Him, whom angels fall before,
The ox and ass and camel which adore.

Angels and archangels may have gathered there,
Cherubim and seraphim thronged the air;
But His mother only, in her maiden bliss,
Worshipped the beloved with a kiss.

What can I give Him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;
If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;
Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

Celebrate the Light

In the Northern Hemisphere, the winter solstice marks the shortest day of the year. It will probably be dark outside by 4 PM, which can feel a little depressing. It’s no surprise for many cultures, taking advantage of the light is so important on this day.

The seaside city of Brighton in the UK has an annual Burning of Clocks festival. People wear costumes representing clocks and the passage of time carry lanterns made of wood and paper to the beach, where the lanterns are burned in a huge bonfire, symbolizing the wishes, hopes, and fears that will be passed into the flames.

In the town of Penzance, people wear carnival costumes, “guisers” parade with lanterns, creating a “river of fire” meant to celebrate the return of the sun. 

How we celebrate Winter Solstice

Try to get outside while it’s still light out to connect with nature.

Take a walk, go for a hike, bundle up and enjoy your coffee, tea, or cocoa while sitting outside for a little bit.

We like to drive around and look at light displays.

Once the sun goes down, turn off all the electric lights and spend a moment or the rest of the evening in darkness.

After you’ve honored the sun’s light, light some candles with loved ones. It’s a great night for Hygge.

Bonfires are common on this night to chase away the darkness. Oak logs are traditional at Yule feasts. We love our backyard firepit.

Cleanse, purge, donate, and volunteer. Helping others is an ancient solstice custom, and is not just limited to modern Muslim, Jewish, and Christian religious members.

Watch all through the night. Attend a prayer service or watch the stars and sky. Contemplate and meditate. Welcome back the light of dawn.

Reflect and think about how you might recreate yourself in the new year.

Renewal. Write down things you want to let go of, then toss the paper into the fire as a symbol of release.

Bell ringing is traditional. Attend a bell choir concert or sing Jingle Bells with bells and tambourines.

The orange is a symbol of the return of the sun. Make orange pomanders to celebrate the solstice and decorate and freshen the home for the holidays. Lots of amazing citrus sales this week in stores! Now you know why.

Make sun ornaments or decorations.

Make “snowball cookies” – fun, easy treats like Danish wedding cookies. We almost make darker Pfeffernusse cookies.

Decorate with evergreens, berries, and natural elements. I like to make a wreath for our Advent candles.

Read books about the solstice.

I like to recite poetry by candlelight or around the firepit.

Resources:

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How do you celebrate the light?

Linking up: Grammy’s Grid, Pinch of Joy, Silverado, Eclectic Red Barn, Stroll Thru Life, Jenerally Informed, Shelbee on the Edge, Ridge Haven, Fluster Buster, Ducks in a Row, Suburbia, LouLou Girls, Thistle Key Lane, OMHG, Try it Like it, Bijou Life, Anita Ojeda, Create with Joy,

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Celebrating St. Barbara

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St. Barbara is a 3rd century saint whose story is a mix of reality and legend. 

She is the patron saint of armourers, artillerymen, architects, mathematicians, and miners. St. Barbara is one of the Fourteen Holy Helpers, venerated because their intercession is believed to be particularly effective against diseases. Barbara is often invoked against thunder, lightning, and fire, and all accidents arising from explosions of gunpowder.

We saw statues and little altars for St. Barbara in a German gemstone mine we visited!

Saint Barbara in a gemstone mine

Barbara’s Story

Barbara, the daughter of a rich Pagan named Dioscorus, was carefully guarded by her father who kept her locked up in a tower in order to preserve her from the outside world.

Barbara secretly became a Christian and dedicated her life to knowing the true God and making Him known to others. She chose a life of consecrated virginity. She rejected all offers of marriage.

Dioscorus allowed for Barbara to leave her tower, hoping some freedom would change her attitude. Barbara used this opportunity to meet other Christians. They taught her about the Lord Jesus, the Holy Trinity and the Church. A priest from Alexandria, disguised as a merchant, baptized Barbara into Christ and His Church.

Her father had a private bath-house built for her. The original architectural plans were for two windows to be built, but, while her father was away, Barbara advised the workers to make a third window to symbolize the Trinity.

Barbara’s bathhouse became a place full of healing power and many miracles occurred there. St. Simeon Metaphrastes even compared it to the stream of Jordan.

After Dioscorus returned, Barbara informed him she had become a Christian and would never marry. Full of rage, her father grabbed his sword and went to strike her. Before he could do so, Barbara ran off.

Her father chased after her, but was abruptly stopped when a hill blocked his way. The hill opened and hid Barbara within a crevice. Dioscorus searched and searched for his daughter, but could not find her.

Dioscorus came across two shepherds and asked them if they had seen her. The first denied, but the second betrayed Barbara. Some legends indicate that he was turned to stone and his flock was turned into locusts.

Her father took her to the provincial prefect, who ordered her to be tortured and beheaded. Dioscorus himself performed the execution and, upon his return home, was struck by lightning and reduced to ashes.

She eventually met her end via martyrdom on December 4, 267 AD.

Her symbols are flowers and breads.

Celebrations around the world

To celebrate St. Barbara’s Day, known as “Eid il-Burbara,” Christians in Jordan, Syria, and Lebanon prepare and share a dessert made from boiled wheat, rose water, cinnamon, anise and nuts. This aromatic sweet represents the wheat fields where St. Barbara hid from her father, who kept her locked in a tower because she had converted to Christianity in A.D. 235. Middle Eastern Christians believe that, before her death, St. Barbara escaped her tower prison, and freshly planted wheat fields miraculously rose up around her, concealing her path.

St. Barbara’s feast marks the beginning of the Christmas decorating season for Lebanese Christians. Lebanese families also plant wheat grains, lentils, chickpeas and other legumes with the idea that in three weeks, the sprouts will be plentiful, accenting the Nativity scene under the Christmas tree.

Some believers take cherry branches into their homes Dec. 4. If the “Barbara branch” blooms on Christmas, it is considered to bring good fortune. This custom recalls the prophesy in the Old Testament book of Isaiah: The Messiah will spring from the root of Jesse. Christians expectantly await Jesus Christ during Advent, and he will blossom or be born at Christmas.

From this tradition comes “Barbarazweig,” the German and Austrian custom of taking branches into the house Dec. 4, with hopes of a bloom on Christmas. In Central Europe, it is believed that the blooming branch signals a promise of marriage in the year ahead.

Families in the Provence region of France germinate wheat on beds of wet cotton in three separate saucers, keeping them moist throughout Advent. When the contents of the three saucers — which symbolize the three persons of the Trinity — are green, they are used to decorate the creche, usually placed under the Christmas tree.

Celebrating St. Barbara

Forced paperwhite bulbs are often displayed the first week of December. It’s hard to find cherry blossoms, so silk sprays can be displayed.

Sprout grains. Cook with grains or bake breads.

St. Barbara’s feast day is an awesome opportunity to break out some fireworks! As the patron of firework manufacturers, families can remember St. Barbara by having a fun with fireworks or firework-related entertainment like sparklers and noise makers.

We like to celebrate the rhythms of the year and slow down during the holiday season.

A lovely lesson from Kennedy Adventures.

The Honorable Order of Saint Barbara recognizes those individuals who have demonstrated the highest standards of integrity and moral character; displayed an outstanding degree of professional competence; served the United States Army or Marine Corps Field Artillery with selflessness; and contributed to the promotion of the Field Artillery in ways that stand out in the eyes of the recipient’s seniors, subordinates and peers alike. 

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Celebrating All Saints’ and All Souls’ Days

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Halloween, All Saints and All Souls Days celebrate the natural new year, a time when traditionally the harvest is complete, and signs of winter begin to appear. In many religions, this is a holy time when it is believed that the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead is very thin and fragile.

Many of us don’t even know our family lines well enough to tell the stories, remember the memories, and pass on a legacy. Maybe it’s something we can begin for better stability?

Halloween or All Hallows (Holy) Eve is October 31.

All Saints’ Day on November 1, is an opportunity to honor all saintly people and to look forward to the upcoming festivals – Martinmas on November 11, and Saint Nicholas on December 6th.

November 2, All Souls’ Day, is an opportunity to remember family members and friends who have passed. People remember, tell stories, and pray to those who passed on to ask for blessings.  Food is shared and sometimes left out overnight for the visiting spirits.

Samhain 1994

by Cathal Ó Searcaigh

Anocht agus mé ag meabhrú go mór fá mo chroí

Gan de sholas ag lasadh an tí ach fannsholas gríosaí

Smaointím airsean a dtug mé gean dó fadó agus gnaoi.

A Dhia, dá mba fharraige an dorchadas a bhí eadrainn

Dhéanfainn long den leabaidh seo anois agus threabhfainn

Tonnta tréana na cumhaí anonn go cé a chléibhe…

Tá sé ar shiúl is cha philleann sé chugam go brách

Ach mar a bhuanaíonn an t-éan san ubh, an crann sa dearcán;

Go lá a bhrátha, mairfidh i m’anamsa, gin dá ghrá.

English translation by Nigel McLoughlin:

Tonight as I search the depths of my heart,

in the dark of the house and the last ember-light,

I’m thinking of one I loved long ago.

And if the darkness between us became like the sea,

I’d make a boat of this bed, plunge its bow

through the waves that barge the heart’s quay.

Although he is gone and won’t ever be back,

I’ll guard in my soul the last spark of his love,

like the bird in the egg and the tree in the nut.

History

In the early years of the Christian faith, there was a consistent effort to eradicate pagan practices and to replace these with Christian festivals. The Roman Catholic church changed the Celtic Samhain festival and the Roman Feast of the Lamures and renamed them “All Hallows’ Eve,” in an attempt to turn peoples’ thinking away from a focus on the fright of death and ghosts and towards the many saints advocating for Christians in the Kingdom of Heaven. All Saints’ Day was established as the first of November with All Hallows’ Eve replacing the festival of Samhain. All Saints’ Day was probably first started by Pope Boniface IV, who consecrated the Pantheon at Rome to the Virgin Mary and all the Martyrs on May 13, 609 AD.

In the Catholic Church, All Saints’ Day is a “holy day of obligation.” Attendance at mass is a requirement on these days. All Saints’ Day is also commemorated by members of the Eastern Orthodox Church as well as some protestant churches, such as Lutheran and Anglican churches.

All Souls’ Day was established in the early fifth century with a similar intention. This day is not a holy day of obligation. The more sanctified remembering of those who have died help new Christians relate to the departed in a less frightening, or less pagan way.

Lá Féile na Marbh

On the eve of All Souls’ Day in Ireland, families lit a candle in the window to guide the souls of the Dead back to their old homes. As the veil between the worlds thinned, a sluagh, or host, of spirits walked the land, and encountered the same hospitality the Celts have always shown the living, Doors and windows were left unfastened, and any passage through the house that they once used was kept open. The table was laid with the best white cloth, and special food was left out for them to enjoy.

Until quite recently in the Irish Gaeltacht, families kept a seomra thiar, or “room to the West” – sometimes just an alcove or nook–where they placed objects that reminded them of departed ones. At sunset, the family solemnly turned towards the setting sun and spent time in loving remembrance of them. A candle was lit for each soul, then the whole family sat down to a communal feast in their honor.

It was once widely believed that the souls of the faithful departed would return to their family home on All Soul’s Night. Great care was taken to make them feel welcome.

Rituals included sweeping the floor clean, lighting a good fire, and placing the poker and tongs in the shape of a cross on the hearth. A bowl of spring water was put on the table, along with a place setting for each deceased relative. In some areas, children would go “soul-caking” – they’d visit neighbors and beg for cakes in exchange for prayers to be said for the dead.

Families would usually retire early, but before they did, many of them went to the cemetery where their loved ones were buried. They would say prayers for each departed family member, make sure the gravesites were neat and tidy, and then they would leave a candle burning on each grave.

During evening prayers, the family would again light a candle for each of their departed relatives . Often, a candle would be placed in the window of a room where a relative had died. Or, it might be placed in a window that faced in the direction of the cemetery. Then, when evening prayers were over, the candles would either be extinguished or left to burn out.

The door was always left unlatched.

Historically, the Celtic nations have always had a great respect for their ancestors and they believed that at certain times of year, the boundaries between mortals and the souls of the dead cease to exist. This is especially true of the “Three Nights of the End of Summer” – Hallowe’en, Samhain, and All Soul’s Day. The ancients also believed that the dead were the repositories of wisdom and lore and that one of the reasons they return is to speak to their descendants.

Its from these visits by a beloved ancestor that the more fortunate among us are given two very special gifts: the ability to remember old days and old ways, and a deeper understanding of how we are forever linked by blood to the past – and to the future. Source

Ideas for Celebration:

  • Learn about El Día de los Muertos/The Day of the Dead. This is a lovely site with timelines, history, traditions, and recipes.
  • Put out photos of loved ones who have passed away. Tell stories about their lives.
  • Share a harvest meal with friends and family.
  • Light candles inside and outside – in jack o’ lanterns or votive holder or pretty decorative autumn globes.
  • Plant flower bulbs in remembrance and in promise of spring!
  • Kids Party Games
  • Activities for Kids
  • Kids Party Ideas
  • Watch or read Coco.
  • Printables from Shower of Roses
  • A Slice of Smith Life
  • Attend church services. Or do these prayer services at home.
  • Visit a memorial in your city.
  • Visit a cemetery. Bonus if there are famous people or family members or passed friends.
  • Go on a history walk in your town. Our town offers ghost walks about town founders and important people.
  • Go to a thin place and feel the Spirit. Pray and thank Her for the past year and the future year.

It is certainly a good idea around Halloween to help little ones think loving thoughts about our beloved ancestors. To remember them and think of them watching over us with interest and affection can help us all feel protected in this time of year as the days of light turn to the days of darkness.

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