Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Affording Higher Education

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Many of us were fortunate to attend a college, university, trade school or something after high school and not incur massive amounts of student loan debt. My husband and I had very small low-interest student loans to cover costs for our last year and we luckily paid them off quickly.

I’m the first grandchild to attend college in my family. As far as I know, I’m the first girl to attend. Only my mom’s brother attended UGA for theatre. It’s not celebrated enough. My grandma was one of twelve and my mom had five siblings. College was never expected nor assumed. My parents didn’t give me an option.

My husband and his parents and sisters and one brother-in-law all have master’s degrees.

Having a student loan is problematic when the job outlook is poor and there is no job security in one of the 28 right-to-work states. Many loans are deferred while we’re still in school, but what happens if we rely on income to pay it off and that income just goes away?

We vowed to help our children with tuition and expenses and not have them saddled with loads of education debt to start their young adult lives.

We are extremely fortunate that our kids receive veteran aid from my husband’s military disability and he offered them each a portion of his GI Bill, but it is not something we could plan for nor expected.

Some History of Education Loans in the USA

In 1970, Roger Freeman, who also worked for Nixon, revealed the right’s motivation for coming decades of attacks on higher education. Reagan cut higher education funding and student aid, and college costs boomed as a result. Source: The Intercept

In 1972-1980, the Pell Grant was created and funded for low income students.

A revision to the Higher Education Act in 1992, resulted in a significant expansion of the federal unsubsidized student loan program and the creation of the FAFSA.

A Senate investigation during the Bush administration revealed widespread fraud and abuse in the predatory for-profit college industry.

In 2001, President George W. Bush eliminated the time limit for how long borrowers could deduct student loan interest from taxes. The limit on interest deduction was also raised to $2,500, where it still stands today.

In December 2007, the Great Recession hit. Federal and state governments made deep cuts to higher education funding.

The Public Service Loan Forgiveness Program (PSLFP) was signed into law in 2007, by President G.W. Bush and almost never delivered.

From the start of the Great Recession in 2008, to the relative economic stability of 2018, college costs and debt increased significantly, but state and federal funding for higher education, the biggest source of revenue for most schools, has not returned to pre-2008 levels.

Many nations offer free higher education opportunities to their citizens. A few states in the USA are offering some community college options. Why can’t we do more and be better?

We are saddened by the education failings in the USA and how it has changed for the worse over the past couple decades while being much more expensive.

It seems that the recent student loan forgiveness plans are in tatters and many will suffer to pay back student loans at high interest rates while salaries stagnate and rents are exorbitant. How are our kids expected to purchase homes, have children, travel, save for retirement, or any of the other milestones we and our parents or grandparents enjoyed?

Americans owe more than $1.74 trillion in student loan debt — a number that keeps rising as tuition costs continue to increase. More than 30% of student loan borrowers are in default, late, or have stopped making payments six years after graduation.

I’ve witnessed programs canceled and majors being deleted and professors striking for higher wages and tenure. It’s the bonfire of the humanities.

Many financial aid options require students to attend full time, which limits other options like working or volunteering. For my kids, full-time credits are twelve hours each semester.

How to Afford Higher Education

Pre-College Courses

Many states offer early college courses or admission for students as young as seventh grade. I was a freshman scholar as a high school senior in Georgia. When we moved to Ohio, my kids started at age 15/16 taking direct courses at our local university. The College Credit Plus is a great program and many students graduate high school with the equivalent of associate’s degrees.

Two of my kids took summer programs that earned them college credit. Many specialty schools, private, and state universities offer “camps” or summer sessions as pre-college tastes to recruit students.

Federal Aid

First, we have to fill out the FAFSA. It’s so different after last year. There is a parent section and student section and make sure to send the info to the correct higher institutions!

My husband received a small grant when he attended university. I’m pretty sure we will never qualify for our three younger kids, but if my eldest decides to attend, she might receive some funding as being no longer our dependent.

Scholarships

There are huge lists of scholarships on various websites and offerings for so many different interests and merit. I recently saw one I am keeping bookmarked about asparagus for my son!

As a military family, my kids received some assistance from some organizations on our base.

The university my kids attend have a universal scholarship application to be filled out annually. Within that application are departmental forms and many extracurricular options.

Of course, good grades and test scores are often offered merit scholarships.

There are many opportunities for sports and extracurricular activities if kids choose that route.

Investments

We have invested in 529 plans for each of our four children since they were babies.

We have used the funds for tuition, books, and computer purchases.

If the entirety is unused, it can be rolled over without tax penalties to another younger sibling or for graduate school or other education expenses.

Work Study

Many colleges offer student aid in the form of tuition assistance or stipends in exchange for working on campus. I designed a website for my master’s program for a small stipend back in 1998!

Jobs

My kids are planning ahead and have savings accounts from part-time jobs they worked while high school age. They plan to use these for travel, study abroad opportunities, or graduate school expenses.

ROTC and various military enlistments offer lots of benefits during and after serving.

Some employers offer scholarships or tuition assistance with a contract or promise of working for the company for a time.

While it is stressful to work full-time and attend college full-time, it is possible.

Vocational Schools

Not everyone desires to go to an academic university. There are so many opportunities at vocational institutions and community colleges that offer certificates or associate’s degrees. These are much more affordable options for students who want to enter the workforce more quickly than a traditional university degree.

Commuting

We are in a great geographical position that my kids can commute to a local university and we are also somewhat near some others if they need to transfer. I commuted to Clayton State and Georgia State and while that wasn’t my choice at the time, it did save on housing and food expenses. I am irritated by the poor condition of dorms and food choices that I see my kids’ peers suffering. I have told my kids they can live at home as long as they want or need to.

Other Fees

All the extras sure do add up!

The parking fee is outrageous, so we carpool as much as possible to the commuter college.

My kids applied early to waive the application fees.

We buy books used or even rent for courses that my kids aren’t interested in keeping the books.

We pack lunches, drinks, and snacks. I do buy a $50 commuter meal plan each semester for my kids for coffee or emergencies.

My kids are disappointed that so many of their peers are struggling financially – working and going to school and having no time to be young or carefree or socialize. I even often pack food for their friends during study time or exam weeks. My daughter said her friends act like middle-aged boring people who have no time or money for anything other than survival. This economy is taking its toll.

I understand that many families can’t financially support adult kids to attend a university. I am pleased that we are able to keep our promises to our kids so far.

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Preparing Teens for the Workforce

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My kids are growing into adults with a different world than I experienced as a teen and young adult.

As I prepare my teens for college and the workforce, and later living independently, I realize what they’re up against and the difficulties they face that I didn’t have to worry about in the mid-1990’s.

Some of the tips and practices I was taught haven’t much changed, but some tactics and methods are different. I didn’t have the resources we can find online to help me prepare as easily or research companies or positions or competitive salaries.

I haven’t worked for pay outside the home in almost twenty years and I realize how difficult it is for a middle-aged mom to find work with such a long gap in her résumé. I have a master’s degree. I know what I can and can’t do. I know I am teachable and intelligent and able. I know what my skills were and are and could be. But I don’t look great on paper and few are willing to take a chance. It’s more than simple ageism.

My husband retired from the US Air Force after twenty years, during the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic. He has a master’s degree. While that made things more complicated with online interviews, there were still unforeseen difficulties we didn’t expect. We assumed his military career in communications and medical laboratory would give him lots of opportunities in our metro area, but we soon realized there are not so many choices in our desired salary range. Some companies are not interested in hiring a veteran. Many lowball the pay for too much responsibility and undesirable hours. Some positions are contracts that make us nervous if they get cancelled or furloughed. We assumed the market would be wide open, but many posted positions close within a day, and so many seem to require personal connections we don’t have.

Two of my teens got part time jobs at age sixteen. One had to be coaxed and one was chomping at the bit to work. My other two teens aren’t especially interested in working at this time and we revisit goals and plans frequently.

I am a firm believer that kids shouldn’t have to enter the adult world until they have to or want to since it’s so very hard to go back. So many teens are exploited in the workplace, underpaid and overworked and they don’t realize their rights. Also, the economy the last decade or so has so many adults competing with teens for what used to be entry level jobs that teens are pushed out and have fewer options. I see many adults doing side gigs or full time jobs as nannies, pet sitters, house sitters, lawn care, and more – and these positions used to be traditional entries into the working world for older kids and teens. I have seen fewer companies willing to give inexperienced teens the opportunity for their first job so they can gain experience and learn.

How to Prepare for the Workforce

Résumé

So much has changed for résumés since I was in the workforce and looking for jobs. LinkedIn is a good place to begin and will propagate a lovely formated résumé from the input.

While I do possess résumé paper, most communication is online, so uploading or emailing pdf copies of résumés seems to be the norm now.

The required information seems to be similar, just more streamlined these days.

Objectives and cover letters seems to be optional, but are still a good idea to focus and personalize to each job you apply to.

Employers prefer experience listed in reverse chronological format. List the most recent job first. Specific dates are optional, it seems in some circumstances. My teens also listed volunteer positions they held.

Education is important, and obviously many teens or college students don’t have a lot to list here.

Special skills, honors, awards, memberships always look great.

Job Search

While so much is online, it’s still good to keep our eyes and ears open.

There are many sites dedicated to job searches and can be filtered for very specific needs.

Many teens find success working where they shop or visit, especially if there are perks like discounts. It never hurts to ask friends, aquaintances, or store employees if the store is hiring or will be hiring soon. There are seasonal and temporary jobs often, based on demand.

Interview Tips

I feel nothing much is changed with interviewing. We should still look our best and be prepared to answer difficult questions. For some jobs, there is often a phone interview prior to an in-person meeting.

Interviews are a good opportunity to learn about a company, supervisors, and employees. It’s great to ask questions of the interviewer and they owe you honest answers. It’s a two-way street!

It’s important to learn a little about the company and why you would want to work there, why you would be a great fit! Have a good elevator pitch to tell about yourself and your strengths and accomplishments.

Some interviews are very informal and just a formality prior to hiring while others are more in-depth. Often, it just depends on the interviewer and timing.

It’s important not to feel failure if a job isn’t offered on the spot. It’s good experience and not wasted time to have several interviews before finding a good job fit.

Paperwork

Most teens need a work permit in their state that can be acquired at their local high school. There are different child labor laws for different ages under eighteen.

When offered a position, there will be identification required and tax forms.

Benefits options should be provided and open for discussion.

Some companies have unions and it’s important to support those!

Never store anything on the company cloud accounts without having a backup. Don’t use company devices for any personal correspondence or documents.

Training

All training should be paid.

It’s never ok to be asked to come in for a free preview or on the job interview.

Most training is about a week-long for retail or restaurant. It’s a great time to ask questions or clarification on policy and protocol.

Hopefully, there are written training manuals, employee handbooks, and standard operating procedures.

It’s wise to be humble and teachable.

Exploitation

Teens and young adults need to know their rights in the workplace.

Even adults are exploited or find themselves in a position that is difficult and they are not in an easy position to leave or find another job, so they feel that they have to just take the abuse.

If businesses are unwilling to discuss or disclose pay increases, sick or personal leave options, that’s a red flag. If employees are not protected from harm or abuse from others, that’s a problem.

My teens have been sexually harrassed, had hours cut as punishment, had time off denied, been criticized about appearance, cussed and yelled at, and more.

My husband has been overloaded in positions without compensation or recognition for going above and beyond his job description. He has been micromanged to infinity and beyond by egotistical supervisors who felt threatened by his confidence and experience.

Sometimes, there seems to be a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive. Many supervisors can’t handle an employee who is confident or knowledgeable or kind.

Separation

I still feel it’s important to give a two-week notice when leaving a position. This is much for you to have a transition time as it is for the company to find a replacement. This also often helps with having a buffer in salary until your first pay at the new position.

My adult daughter was told to vacate her position immediately a few times after giving notice. I hated that and it showed the quality of those employers.

In some states, employers can terminate employees for any or no reason, at any time.

It’s important to document, document, document!

Write out a practice script, making the circumstances as neutral as possible, without placing or accepting blame. It can be something simple and vague like: “There was a difference in company policy interpretation.”

When I was in my mid-twenties, I lost five jobs in two years! It was a difficult time and I was very discouraged. It forced me to reevaluate my career and options. While it wasn’t easy for me to choose to homeschool my kids, it became the best choice and has been so rewarding and fulfilling these two decades.

Sometimes, a job transition forces us to reevaluate our goals and dreams, and look for new or different opportunities.

What are your job search tips?

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Nourishing Teens

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I know for many families, it’s a struggle both budgeting and planning to get healthy meals on the table.

Growing up, my mother loathed cooking and it showed.

I ate canned vegetables boiled to oblivion, overcooked unseasoned meats, Sunbeam white bread, margarine, sugary cereals, soda, sweet caffeinated tea. My parents forced me to drink 2% milk every night – in spite of my hatred of it and that it gave me horrible digestive troubles.

Dinnertime was often a battle on all fronts. I remember many times I stayed at our kitchen table for hours, staring at a plate of food slowly congealing and mixing with my tears.

I had at least weekly migraines and developed disordered eating that I still struggle to overcome.

I’ve certainly evolved a lot as a parent in many ways and very much with my relationship with food.

When I was a single mom, I got Angel Food boxes from a local church and they were a big help. I shopped at international grocery stores and discount shops and bakery outlets for cheaper cuts of meat or older items.

After I remarried, we were excited to receive charity hams and turkeys from church or the USO during holidays.

For many years, I struggled to plan and prep meals, clipping coupons and going to various stores for the best deals to feed our family of six as best I could. I still use savings apps like these.

There is no shame in any of that.

Decades ago, I listened to another military spouse sheepishly brag that she finally didn’t have to look at prices at the store after her husband made rank. I guess that’s a noble goal, to be able to purchase grocery needs and wants without regard to price or having a calculator in hand. I longed for that day.

And now, we are blessed with a larger food budget.

So, also over the years, I’ve fluctuated with quality versus price. I mean, generic products are often cheaper. But some brands are better than others.

We’re told to buy organic, but the labels often have no meaning or legal backing.

Not many coupons or deals exist for certain brands or organic foods. I use savings apps like these.

This post on social media struck me the other day:

I don’t buy all foods. Most people have foods they don’t buy for many reasons like:⁠

  • health⁠
  • medical⁠
  • cost⁠
  • accessibility ⁠
  • ethics⁠
  • culture & religion⁠
  • taste preferences⁠

⁠You don’t have to say “yes” to all foods. You don’t have to bring all foods into your home. I do caution against calling those foods “bad” though. There are so many kids out there telling their friends the food they are eating is bad. Not helpful. Additionally, if you call foods bad you are also setting up a “good food/bad food” category system in their brain. This can contribute to a complicated relationship with food in some people.

source: Kids Eat in Color on Facebook

I am not a dietician or nutritionist.

But I’m a mom who questions everything and I see the results when I feed my family junk or processed quick foods compared to whole foods.

It’s a constant battle in my head and heart that I want yummy and fun foods, but it’s often exhausting doing all the research to get heartbroken that foods in the USA are all produced by only a few humongous companies who only care about profit and not about people’s nutrition or overall health.

I want to make sure I’m nourishing my family. I know that nutrition is often the first line of defense in better health. I want my kids to grow and develop with the best foods I can afford, so they might be less prone to illnesses later in life.

I’m avoiding a lot of additives in foods that are illegal in countries other than the USA. It’s infuriating that I have to be aware and make changes in product choices that are in every grocery store and most of us have been buying for decades without ever realizing. And many foods that used to be OK a couple or few decades ago are now formulated more cheaply with worse ingredients.

When I go to the store, I tend to shop on the perimeter, where the real foods are: dairy, meats, produce.

Have you ever noticed the marketing and signage to get you to meander through the store, designed to lure you in (and especially children who are dazzled by the pretty labels).

What are some of the food additives that are considered fine for consumption in the USA?

Potassium bromate is a chemical additive commonly used to help strengthen dough and enhance the texture of baked goods. The International Agency for Research on Cancer considers it a possible human carcinogen, and the Center for Science in the Public Interest petitioned the F.D.A. to ban it nearly 20 years ago. This is one reason so many think they’re allergic or sensitive to gluten. It is seldom used in Europe. I buy unbromated flour for baking and we feel so much better! We notice if we use store-bought breads.

Azodicarbonamide, or azobisformamide, is used as a whitening agent in cereal flour and as a dough conditioner, breaks down during baking into chemicals that cause cancer in lab animals. It is used by many chain restaurants that serve sandwiches and buns. The Center for Science in the Public Interest has urged the F.D.A. to bar its use.

Brominated Vegetable Oil (BVO) is used in some citrus-flavored soft drinks like Mountain Dew and in some sports drinks to prevent separation of ingredients, but it is banned in Europe. It contains bromine, the element found in brominated flame retardants, and studies suggest it can build up in the body and can potentially lead to memory loss and skin and nerve problems.

Sudan or Azo Dyes – specifically Yellow food dyes No. 5 and No. 6, and Red Dye No. 40 can be used in foods sold in Europe, but the products must carry a warning saying the coloring agents “may have an adverse effect on activity and attention in children.” No such warning is required in the United States, though the Center for Science in the Public Interest petitioned the F.D.A. in 2008 to ban the dyes.

The European Union also bans bovine growth hormone, which the United States dairy industry uses to increase milk production. The European Union also does not allow the drug ractopamine, used in the United States to increase weight gain in pigs, cattle and turkeys before slaughter, saying that “risks to human health cannot be ruled out.”

Olestra is a fat substitute often used in diet products because it adds no calories to products. Please note also Margarine is not a good option.

Artificial sweeteners have also been tied to an increased risk for developing metabolic syndrome and related diseases such as diabetes and cardiovascular disease. Interestingly, high fructose corn syrup and white sugar are both equally unhealthy. Even some of the recommended sugar alternatives often cause allergies or sensitivities. We try to limit our sugar intake.

Seed oils are making us all sick. Seed oils are often found in ultra-processed foods, which can lead to inflammation and disease. Unlike traditional fats such as olive oil, coconut oil, butter, ghee, and lard, industrial seed oils are a very recent addition to the human diet. Read How Vegetable Oils Replaced Animal Fats in the American Diet. Soybeans were introduced to the United States in the 1930s, and by the 1950s, it had become the most popular vegetable oil in the country. Canola, corn, and safflower oils followed shortly after that. The low cost of these cooking oils, combined with strategic marketing on the part of the oil manufacturers, made them wildly popular in American kitchens. The oils extracted from soybeans, corn, cottonseed, safflower seeds, and rapeseeds must be refined, bleached, and deodorized before they are suitable for human consumption.

Glyphosate (Round-Up weed killer) causes cancer and yet it is not illegal to use or buy in the USA and is sprayed on food products like grains and seed oil crops that then get carried over into so many foods we eat. You should be concerned about this Glyphosate Contamination in Food List, including pasta, cereals, crackers, and more.

Glyphosate Facts:

  • Glyphosate is the key ingredient in Bayer/Monsanto’s signature herbicide Roundup. The World Health Organization and California state scientists have linked glyphosate to cancer.
  • At the time of writing this blog there are 42,000 plaintiffs suing Bayer over claiming glyphosate caused cancer.
  • The World Health Organization’s International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) ruled glyphosate a carcinogen. The IARC said that along with other Monsanto chemicals Roundup could cause Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s disease, autism, and cancer.
  • Americans have applied 1.8 million tons of glyphosate since its introduction in 1974.
  • Worldwide, 9.4 million tons of the chemical has been sprayed on fields – enough to spray nearly half a pound of Roundup on every cultivated acre of land in the world.
  • Globally, glyphosate use has risen almost 15-fold since so-called “Roundup Ready,” genetically engineered glyphosate-tolerant crops were introduced in 1996.
  • The mass-spraying of glyphosate has led to the explosion of resistant weeds, which have evolved to survive despite being sprayed. Already, weeds resistant to the herbicide are found on half of all-American farmers’ fields and are present on upward of 100 million acres of cultivated cropland.
  • In 1987, only 11 million pounds of the chemical were used on U.S. farms, but now nearly 300 million pounds of glyphosate are applied each year.

We try never to use plastic bottled drinks.

The per-and polyfluoroalkyl substances (PFAS) are a group of chemicals used to make coatings and products that resist heat, oil, stains, grease, and water – that can be in a variety of products, including food packaging and non-stick cooking surfaces. Many PFAS are a concern because they:

  • do not break down in the environment,
  • can move through soils and contaminate drinking water sources,
  • build up (bioaccumulate) in fish and wildlife.

PFAS are found in rivers and lakes and in many types of animals on land and in the water.

80% of Americans test positive for chemical found in Cheerios, Quaker Oats that may cause infertility, delayed puberty: study by Journal of Exposure Science & Environmental Epidemiology.

I’m trying to be really mindful of the brands and products we support.

My husband was in remission with Type 2 Diabetes for over a decade, but recently he has had to resume prescription medication. So, we are being much more conscious of how we eat. We hope he can go back into remission soon.

Recently I’ve been buying Organic Valley grassfed whole milk and half and half. If I can’t find that, I get Horizon.

We buy Kerrygold butter and it sure does make a difference. It’s a good deal at Sam’s Club or Costco.

We switched to Dave’s Killer Bread. Thankfully, it’s delicious and I sometimes find it on sale. I also make a lot of our own bread products with Montana wheat or King Arthur.

We buy three dozen farm eggs every week or so from my husband’s coworker. They are glorious with huge yolks, sometimes doubles!

I buy a lot of fresh and frozen fruits and vegetables. I am infuriated that wealthy celebrities are investing in varnishes to increase shelf life on foods that should be seasonal and temporary.

I keep a full pantry of pasta and rice and ingredients. We can our tomatoes every year. We make our own taco seasoning and other spice mixes.

We have a deep freezer full of meat that I stock up when I see good deals at the commissary or Kroger or Sam’s Club. I freeze bones from poultry or hams to make stock and I freeze the stock in bags for easy use in soups and stews.

I order lots of fish and seafood from KnowSeafood and encourage my family to try new flavors and textures.

I read ingredients and I research companies to make sure my dollars speak for our family’s choices and values.

I do loosely meal plan and it sometimes gets complicated with busy teen schedules, but I like to have good meals that will keep for a few hours if someone works late or has a sports practice.

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CCAD College Preview

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So pleased my child earned a partial scholarship to College Preview at Columbus College of Art & Design.

Akantha’s sister, Tori, attended Space Camp in Huntsville, Alabama, this summer! That camp was only one week long.

I was really nervous about them being away for three whole weeks, the longest I’ve ever been apart from them their whole life. But they did great!

They stressed in email communications and during orientation all the freedom the students would have. It’s truly a preview of what college will be like.

What I wished I had known:

  • There is a communal microwave in the common lounge on each dorm floor (no fridge). Some students brought their own mini fridges.
  • Lockers are provided for each student in each dorm room (I ran out and bought a lock, which I could have brought from home.)
  • Three big trash cans are provided in each dorm suite.
  • Floor mats for bathroom are needed!
  • Students are responsible for their own meds. There is no nurse to turn meds in, like at every other camp we’ve ever attended, and these are minors, so I was surprised. (I ran to CVS and bought 3 of those little daily pill organizers, which I could have brought from home, had I known.)
  • Maybe a full supply list, including anything recommended or optional, would have been helpful. My student had to buy paper from the shop twice and I had to send ink and pens via Amazon.

Overall, it was very organized and safe and seemed very well done. They’ve offered College Preview for over ten years.

My student did fine on their own, and only forgot their meds a couple times. They ate ok and we made sure they had access to money via Google pay and Doordash for snacks and supplies. It was nice that I was only about an hour away, but they didn’t need me.

The schedule was emailed and printed for each student. Educators for each major emailed their students some detailed information.

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner are each weekday and brunch and dinner on weekends. Weekends were for studio time. There is a cute little grocery on campus.

Morning sessions were for each major area of study:

  • Animation
  • Comics & Narrative Practice
  • Fashion Design
  • Fine Arts
  • Film & Video
  • Game Art & Design
  • Graphic Design
  • Illustration
  • Interior Architecture & Design
  • Photography
  • Product Design

Afternoon sessions were assigned alphabetically to explore other artistic interests and information.

Some evenings offered fun events like a welcome bonfire in the courtyard, a visit from the Canid Center ambassadors, guest speakers, and optional city walks.

Weekly field trips:

  • Franklinton Arts District
  • Columbus Museum of Art
  • Otherworld
  • Columbus Zoo and Aquarium
Columbus Institute of Art
Otherworld

There was a lovely art show for students Friday evening and for families and friends Saturday morning.

My little overachiever is the only comics student who made time to color their pages and also had the most pages (12!) to get their own wall for the show.

The commencement was short and it was so nice to see our students walk the stage for certificates of completion! My baby is a Barbie for sure.

The CCAD College Preview is a great experience for high school students who are interested in attending art school. While it is of course a pipeline for CCAD admission, it’s a good way to see if art school or a city college might be a good choice.

Follow Akantha on Instagram! Their commissions are open!!!

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Succeeding in College

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My middle two kids began university this week with CCP. They’re commuting to a local university for a three classes for the very first time. They’re 15 and 16 years old. They’ve never attended school before!

While on one hand I feel that I prepared them well for post-high school opportunities, on the other hand, I am terrified that I missed some huge important task or skill that we will have to struggle to make up for that might make their lives difficult.

I lie awake at night checking off my list of what I want them to know.

My eldest did CCP and a year or so of university before COVID, then the school faculty and staff went on strike and she quit rather than do online classes. She may go back someday or she may not. While I do feel I prepared her well, I also know there were some gaps, and our relationship suffered. She didn’t want my help and I was desperate to give it. I have regrets.

I am a first generation college graduate. It was a struggle for me to navigate that world and I feel I missed out on a whole lot due to lack of experience, knowledge, support. I store up information to impart to my kids so they know what to expect.

My husband came from academic parents and both his sisters are teachers. His middle sister’s husband is also a teacher. They all have master’s degrees, as do I. I expect our kids to fare pretty well in the academic world and possibly get graduate degrees.

College Tips for Success

Read the syllabus. Honestly. Keep up with assignments and don’t fall behind. That’s the most of it.

Class Participation

My kids have gotten multiple emails from their uni and there are notes in each of their course syllabi about participating in class for a percentage of their grade.

Some of this is just showing up on time and staying in class and paying attention.

Some is actively participating in class discussion, asking questions, etc.

Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but it is important to get that 10% of the grade and to learn how to effectively communicate.

Also, please keep phones silent or off and away during class time! It’s rude to eat or be on phones during class.

Study Skills

My homeschooled kids have never taken a test nor really had to practice study skills, so we are taking a crash course on note taking and how to manage quizzes and exams.

I realize most of middle and high school involves just learning how to learn and how to study, all those questions at the ends of chapters and vocabulary lists to define – busy work.

I explained to my kids that any questions in their textbooks are study opportunities and they should complete those and also write outlines of the assigned chapters.

There are several notetaking options that are helpful. I like outlines and the Cornell method.

Some professors prefer the students listen to the lecture and participate in discussion while others encourage note-taking during class.

My kids took their first quiz and aced it and are taking great notes, according to the student instructors. They’re excited about the homework assignments and are enjoying classes!

Study Tips

  • Pomodoro Technique: The key to avoiding burnout is to study for no longer than 25 minutes, then take a five-minute break. Repeat this four times and then take a 30-minute break.
  • Record yourself reading your notes aloud and listen to the recording multiple times leading up to an exam.
  • Using different colored note cards for concepts and vocabulary and placing them all over your living space or use in a game format.
  • Use Apple Pencil to enter text in Notes, Notability, OneNote, or Scribble apps

Time Management

Be realistic about how early to get up and how late to stay in class. We chose the earliest class at 10 AM and latest ends about 1:30. There are also labs and study sessions that eat up a lot of time online or in person.

Everything is online now. It’s so different than when I attended university. There’s a server storing all the course info and it propagates to a handy calendar.

I encourage my kids to do a little bit each day for each course so they don’t get overwhelmed or fall behind. Studying and reading and completing homework takes up a lot of time, but chunking it into smaller bites makes it more manageable.

Bigger assignments can be chunked into smaller bites too. Outlining and rough drafts before the final essay.

Social activities, extracurriculars, and part-time jobs are important, but maybe need to take a backseat to the academics for a couple weeks until the schedule feels more comfortable.

Setting priorities helps to alleviate anxiety and fear of missing out.

Communication

It’s very important to keep up with communication. The school, professors, student assistant instructors, and others send out emails every day with important information.

I had my kids get the Outlook app on their devices with their university emails and encourage them to check it every morning.

Professors are usually great about replying to emails. Ask questions! Get clarification! Most professors want you to succeed and encourage active communication via email or office hours.

It’s also useful to share contact info with classmates for emergencies or help.

Being proactive is a must. Of course, we can’t help it if we get sick, but missing classes can be a problem. Most professors understand but require a doctor’s note after a couple missed classes. This is not the time nor place for the adage, “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.”

It’s important for the students to learn how to communicate in an adult world. Parents can’t jump in and help anymore.

Using Services

Attend the study group sessions.

Get familiar with the writing lab.

Use the tutoring services.

Learn how to navigate the library.

These services exist to help students and they are usually free and open to anyone attending classes.

Some universities even offer mental health professional services to students for a small fee, and that’s often cheaper and easier than the usual copays. There are also disability offices and waivers that may be helpful.

Staying Healthy

Eating well and getting enough sleep can sometimes be more difficult with a busy schedule.

Since my kids are commuting, I get up earlier to make sure they have a good breakfast. It’s unusual for us to have alarms and it’s been a bit rough.

I make and pack snacks and sandwiches three days a week when they have longer days. Here are some of our favorite lunch storage options.

We have lunch together on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

We all still have dinners together.

I am concerned about purchasing potentially useless or unappetizing meal plans when and if my kids go away to college in 2-3 years. Also, packing lots and lots of snacks and quick meals and hydrating drinks to keep in their dorms. I’ve also read about horror stories of moldy AC units and on-campus restaurants being closed. Summer preview at a local art college for three weeks was a taste and it was unpleasant.

Packing raincoats and umbrellas, even a change of clothes, and extra period products in the car for emergencies is a good idea too.

I sent a roll of sanitizing wipes with my kid to use in class on computers and desks and that helps her feel safer.

It’s hard having our kids growing up and away and becoming young adults. I feel they’re ready even if I still try to anticipate any little thing and long to help.

I joined a parent support group on Facebook that has lots of info and question/answer for parents of students at the university my kids attend. It’s helpful and I’ve learned a lot of things I wouldn’t have thought about.

School Supplies my College Kids Love:

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College Credit Plus in Ohio

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I started college early and took several courses before I graduated high school. It wasn’t easy to navigate in the mid-90s and it was a new concept. I am glad I did that and would do it again. It was good for me to ease in to college. I attended a local college – now called Clayton State University, then Georgia State University to complete my bachelor’s in English and master’s in education.

Every state and school district and college have different requirements for early college. For homeschoolers, sometimes it’s easier and sometimes it seems more difficult.

I have homeschooled my four children for over sixteen years.

One graduated our homeschool and started early college classes. I did pressure her a little, but she wasn’t as motivated as I would have liked. I wish I could go back and be more gentle.

Two are starting early college classes this upcoming fall semester. This is their choice and I’m excited to help them.

One kid left to go! He’s only twelve and has so many options and interests and we aren’t pressuring him at all.

Information about College Credit Plus for Homeschoolers

Students must be Ohio residents to participate in College Credit Plus. As a military family, this was tricky for us the first year we PCS’ed here from Germany.

View all CCP FAQ’s here.

Students in grades 7 through 12 can qualify for dual enrollment or early college courses.

Earning college credits while still in high school can reduce the time and cost of attending college after high school. It’s great to ease in and get a taste of college courses before committing to enrollment.

The College Credit Plus Program includes courses taken during the summer term also.

Be aware: classes failed or withdrawn with an “F” (or equivalent failing grade) will receive an “F” on the high school and/or college transcripts and will be computed into the high school and college GPA.

Many entry-level courses earned at an Ohio public college are guaranteed to transfer to any other Ohio public college.

In Ohio, there are lots of higher education options:

  • 14 universities with 24 regional branch campuses
  • 23 community colleges
  • More than 70 adult workforce education and training centers statewide

Check with the institution of your choice if they offer College Credit Plus and what their special requirements might be. This interactive map shows you which option might be near you.

Homeschoolers are responsible for purchasing or renting textbooks and supplies. It’s been noted by many that homeschooled students don’t seem to receive as many credit hours as they request or not as many as public and private schooled students.

Note that colleges are not required to modify course content based on the ages of the students. Some content may be for mature audiences.

Students will be expected to follow the rules and regulations set by the college/university. 

Transportation is the responsibility of the student. This can be sometimes difficult since we homeschool parents always chauffeuring our kids around to activities. I try to plan their courses only two days a week to limit travel.

The state education website breaks down the CCP process into four steps.

College Credit Plus applications open in February 1 and close April 1.

How to Navigate College Credit Plus

Step one: Set up a parent OH|ID account as soon as possible and save that login information.

Step two: After February 1, start state application for tuition funding for each child.

We usually request only 15 credit hours for the first year or two so they’re not too stressed. You can request up to 30 credits for the year, but I feel they won’t grant homeschoolers more than 15.

You have to upload your homeschool intent letter received from your school district.

Step three: Apply to college(s). The applications should be free for high school/CCP students. Pay attention to details like sending transcripts or test scores and if permission slips or extra forms are required. We had to sign maturity forms and permission slips.

Some common college choices:

Step four: College admissions office should contact you and/or the student with a tentative admission letter to send to the state to process tuition funding so there’s no holdup on that end. Upload these letters to state CCP files and submit before April 1!

Sometimes, there are additional requirements and instructions from the colleges depending on several factors such as age of child, test scores, transcripts.

My first child took the SAT, but the math score wasn’t high enough for her to take the college math class without a remedial course or placement exam. This also affected her ability to take some science courses.

My middle child hasn’t take any standardized tests in her life, and the placement exams were waived based on her age and transcripts. But she took the college placement tests to streamline her ability to take college writing and math without remediation.

My third child is deemed too young and is required to take college placement exams for admission into CCP, even though their transcript is almost the same as my middle child’s.

Step five: Funding letters from state should be received about the first week of May, before 5/6. Make sure you send that letter ASAP to the bursar at the college or you’ll be responsible to pay tuition!

Step six: Receive admission letters from colleges and instructions how to register for classes and student IDs. Usually, a physical appointment is required with a registrar to ensure all is understand and done correctly and they release the hold on registration. Only certain core classes are usually available to CCP students. Wright State advisor stated that students can request to take a class and it’s at the discretion of the dean.

It’s an exciting time for our homeschooled teens to enter into adulthood and attend college. We can learn to let go and let them navigate their education and future. It’s great to ease into it and determine if that’s the route they want to go.

I feel CCP allows homeschooled students to make decisions for themselves and preview college which could help them determine their direction for the future. It might make it easier to enroll in the college of their choice later, after high school. It’s a great opportunity!

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Parenting Young Adults

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Parenting is a series of mistakes, failures, successes, heartache, pride.

My firstborn is certainly the research subject in all our parenting decisions.
She is also the catalyst for many rules and lots of changes we make in our family.

She was always a dynamo. She never met a stranger. She’s a social butterfly through and through and I am always content to be “Her Mom.”

I’ve watched her grow and fail, learn, and dance to and fro.

We began homeschooling because of her fall birthday. We tried a month of third grade because of her and promptly brought her back home.

I pushed until she pushed back.

I learned boundaries as a parent. I learned how to be me, a mother, a person, and make personal demands based on my own needs from her example.

She’s quite the lawyer in her well-thought-out arguments and I struggle sometimes to be democratic, respectful, gentle.

I was never treated with respect in my own home when I was growing up. I had no privacy. I wasn’t allowed to express emotions or thoughts. I attempted suicide at age 20 and ran away at age 21.

I want to be a better parent than mine were. Navigating this modern world with no role models and no guidance is really hard.

I feel I am in uncharted waters with an almost twenty-year-old.

The Christian parenting and the secular parenting books, blogs, experts all say almost the same things – tough love, harsh consequences, isolation, withdrawing love and affection, removing privileges. We don’t do that with our young kids, so why would we start now?

I never liked the purity or stay at home daughter movements. They remove autonomy from women and open doors for abusive relationships.

Parenting never ends.

As children get older, the parent-child relationship evolves into friendship, hopefully. It becomes a solid relationship with gives and takes. It amazing to watch these little people grow into adults.

Our society does not respect children. Teenagers are viewed with suspicion and young adults are often humiliated and taken advantage of by many adults.

Young people have so much to offer if we allowed them respect and freedom they deserve.

Parenting a Young Adult

Respect

I have always tried to respect my children. It’s sometimes difficult when I feel disrespected and triggered. I often have to walk away and give myself a timeout and think about it.

I have very few rules: no drugs. no porn. no illegal activity.

I require my children to respect each other.

Communication is important. It’s up to me as the adult and parent to model healthy and nonviolent communication. Sometimes, it’s really, really hard. I have had to walk away to think and regroup and calm down many times.

I find myself more and more stating as calmly as possible, “What you said/did is disrespectful and that’s not ok.”

Expectations

We tried to do a contract, but it was worthless with no real consequences. It just has to be an ongoing conversation and it’s exhausting.

I keep going back to respect. If we’ve never done arbitrary consequences, how can I begin now? I don’t want to require her to pay rent because she needs to save for college and her future, even though she hasn’t saved a penny in over two years from her part time job.

Attending college classes and working a part time job is paramount. I feel it teaches responsibility and offers a gradual climb into the adult world of vast responsibility.

While I would love to expect chores to be completed, that isn’t always the priority at this stage when there are assignment deadlines and potentially late shift work schedules.

I have found that if I issue very specific time-sensitive commands, they get done more immediately.

Disappointment

Of course I’ve been disappointed by some of my child’s poor choices.

I had to get over my own issues with piercings, tattoos, and dyed hair. It’s her body.

While tattoos and ear plugs are pretty irreversible, I don’t worry so much about hair anymore.

It’s more worrisome when she’s made poor financial and relationship choices. She has to live and learn from her mistakes.

She hates college and I don’t really blame her. It really is so very different than twenty years ago and I don’t understand why. It should be easier with so much information at our fingertips. She’s taking some time off and looking for full time work.

I’m trying not to project onto her my education values. Sometimes it does feel like a kick in the teeth. All those homeschool years – wasted? It’s her life and her future. But I fear she may have unnecessary struggles without a college degree, certificate, apprenticeship, or training.

One-third of college students drop out at the end of their freshman year. The United States now has the highest college dropout rate in the industrial world.

Thrivers by Michelle Borba

Boundaries

I have to set clear boundaries – with consequences.

It’s really hard when there are few arbitrary consequences that matter with older teens and young adults.

Natural consequences can be scary and dangerous. Risk taking isn’t such a big deal with small kids. They might get a bruise or at worst a broken bone. Older teens and young adults might get in trouble with legal authorities or cause real irreparable harm to themselves and others.

I don’t want to the younger kids exposed to inappropriate media. I don’t want my younger kids exposed to porn, racist or sexist jokes, or violence.

Social media continues to expose the masses to a plethora of information, not all of it good. We use it as education as to boundaries, what’s worthwhile and what is abusive or vile.

I say often why something is inappropriate. Often I feel it shouldn’t be consumed by anyone.

I teach about tone and sarcasm. We need to practice kindness and I must model it for them to be to recognize it.

Why should we exploit others for entertainment?

Preparation

Preparing for the future is most important for young adults.

The goal is that they be successful and independent citizens.

I try to begin young with all my kids, teaching them valuable life skills.

I discuss finances, values, goals frequently about things they understand.

They know when we have struggled financially because of an emergency. They understand when we’re saving or paying off debt. I want them to realize their privilege in financial security also.

They’ve never known adversity. Other than stress and moving frequently as a military family.

I require my kids to purchase their own smartphones. We pay for the monthly family plan.

As soon as their age is in double digits, they call to make their own appointments, with me standing by to assist if needed.

I encourage my kids to talk to clerks and store employees if they need something or to place an order. They need to learn to communicate clearly and respectfully with others.

Of course, kids must learn to do their laundry and make meals for themselves. I provide a cookbook with all our favorite family recipes.

They must help with car maintenance. It’s important to learn and understand the expense of necessary auto upkeep.

We have 529 college plans, but they probably won’t pay for an entire four-year degree. They have to work part time, save, and apply for scholarships. We discourage loans and the lifelong debt that brings.

It’s so hard sometimes to watch the fledglings flounder, fall, fail. I want to rescue them, but that wouldn’t help them learn to be successful.

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Eighteen

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18.

My baby is 18 now.

An official adult.

In America, this means you can vote! and buy tobacco products (don’t). You’re still treated like a child, but expected to be mature beyond your experience.

In Europe, you could buy liquor or we could have a cocktail together in a pub.

You still don’t have your driver’s license and that’s ok. I try not to push you to do anything until you’re ready.

I know how stubborn you can be.

You’re my first baby, and I did a lot of things wrong.

I hardly felt grown myself when I had you.

I was anxious about the silly things and screwed up some important things. I was too strict in the beginning. I yelled and hit. I was childish and mean.

Then I began to understand.

You’re the reason I’ve done everything.

I pulled myself out of emotional, financial, and relationship pits for you.

We homeschooled for you.

You were my anchor.

It’s a lot of responsibility for a child’s shoulders to bear.

I have lots of regrets and apologies. I’ve tried to always be honest with you, even when I’m ashamed.

I know growing up can be scary. I know there are so many difficult decisions. Sometimes, I get scared for you. It seems that life throws lots of curveballs within just a few years and it seems like you have to make all the right decisions superfast or you will fail miserably. I feel anxiety but you have to learn and make your own way. If I catch you all the time, you won’t be able to march on. Comparing yourself to others makes it worse. I know it seems like others have it made and it looks so easy for them. I know it’s lonely. Even if you make a wrong decision (like I made so, so many), you will still eventually succeed. Your success might look different than you imagine. You can always make amends, changes, u-turns. Hearts heal. You can change your major. You can get a different job. Relationships come and go.

Life hurts.

You are resilient and strong.

I am so proud of you.

What I pray for you now that you’re spreading your wings:

Voice

I love that you know who you are. I am just figuring that out for myself.

I’m learning to listen better.

I love that you’re assertive and have opinions, even when we disagree.

I love who you are as a big sister. Thank you for caring so much.

I admire your wit.

Be careful on social media.

Be kind.

Maintain integrity in everything.

Use your voice to lift up others and make a difference. I believe you can change the world for better.

Self-Care

Learn what your body needs for health.

Yes, it really does help to go outside and enjoy nature – in every kind of weather.

Drink lots of water. It helps flush out toxins and makes you feel better. Honest.

Eat well and regularly. It regulates your metabolism. You will thank me when you’re 35.

Take time for yourself to heal and recover. But make sure you get back out there.

Safety

I still worry.

I still want to know where you are and who you’re with.

I will always be concerned.

I hope you never have to utilize those skills you learned in that 2-hour self-defense class.

I know I can’t keep you safe like I could when you were little, but I hope you’re always aware of your surroundings.

Finances

We’ve tried really hard to stay debt-free. We’ve had our ups and downs.

I want you to have a better beginning, with no student loan debt. No car loan.

Debt can be crippling to recover from.

Credit cards are not for regular use, but only for emergencies.

Start saving for wants and emergencies as soon as you can.

Money is a tool like any other.

I pray we’ve given you a great beginning.

“Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

“Now go, and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for you being here. Make good art.” ~Neil Gaiman

While we have few milestones or coming of age rituals in the USA, I hope I made your birthdays and life events special.

This is 18 Around the World.

What seems to emerge after the trials of the fifteen/sixteen change is a calmer, more self-assured young person.  They don’t need to talk about everything anymore.  They are trying to handle things themselves in a more self-contained way than ever before.  They are preparing for their own life where they must stand on their own two feet.  Parents often are not sure how much to intervene or offer help at this stage.

The Parenting Passageway

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How Teens Can Spend Summer

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School’s out and summer’s here.

Most teens are in limbo between childhood and adulthood…they might want to just hole up in their rooms and spend all their time on social media.

There are plenty of opportunities for teens to continue learning, get job training, and have fun during summer.

Here’s a list of the top ten ways that teens can spend time this summer:

Explore the Great Outdoors

With flourishing trees and fully blossomed flowers, it’s arguable that nature reaches its peak in the summer.  Getting outside and exploring its beauty is best done by taking the time to walk through and embrace it. You can even make a multi-day adventure out of hiking by pitching a tent with a few friends or family. Camping is an excellent way to take advantage of the cool summer nights and maximize your time enjoying the country’s wildlife. From dazzling beaches to soaring mountains, dense forests to vast plains, the U.S. is full of beauty calling for you to explore. The National Park Service has some handy resources for locating parks and trails near you.

Escape the Heat and Take a Dip

In most areas of the country, the weather is only suitable for swimming for a short period of time. Take advantage of the warmth and sunshine by going for a dip in the oceans, rivers, lakes, swimming pools, water parks or whatever you have access to in your area. There is nothing more refreshing than wading in the water on a hot summer day. With so many public access points at most bodies of water, there is no reason not to visit the thousands of water-spots in the country.

Become an Expert on History and Culture

Museums act as a window into places separated by time and location. They provide the tools to educate people on the history of our predecessors and the world’s intercultural development through the ages. From instructive science exhibits to experiential art displays, museums have a lot to offer for those with an open mind and a will to learn. Make a day trip to a local museum or plan a vacation around seeing multiple exhibits across the country. If you’re on a tight budget, do not fret. There are loads of free museums just a google search away. Check out National Geographic’s list of 20 free U.S. museums that are worth checking out.

Witness the World’s Wildlife

America is home to some of the best zoos and aquariums in the world. When looking into visiting a zoo or aquarium, you must consider the quality of the establishment. It is no secret that sometimes these institutions do not uphold the best treatment for animals. Despite the negligent ones, there are several zoos that do a great job caring for their animals. Read more about how to identify a good zoo.

Once you weed out the bad zoos and aquariums in your own research, there is an immense amount that society can take away from the high quality ones. They help conserve the extensive list of species at risk of becoming extinct, provide an outlet for scientists and animal-life experts to conduct research, and educate the public about our planet’s wildlife. Something to note is that if you research different zoos and aquariums in advance, you will most likely find some limited edition exhibits that pique your interest, so start planning today.

Earn Some Cash and Build Your Resume

With all of the spare time in the summer, getting a part-time job can never hurt. Whether you are saving up for college or earning some money to help fund your summer excursions, it is no doubt that the three-month break from school is a wonderful opportunity to earn some extra cash.  Aside from the financial aspect of getting a job, it is never too early to start gaining work experience. There is something to learn from any job you have, no matter how simple it may seem. Some examples of part-time jobs good for high school students include lifeguarding, working as a cashier, host/hostessing at a restaurant, or being a camp counselor.

If you already have a pretty firm grasp on what you want to study in your post-secondary studies, the summer is perfect for seeking opportunities such as internships or specialty camps that provide insight into your desired field of study. When looking for a job later down the line, it may be beneficial to prove to the potential employer that you had an early interest in the field and have several years of experience. Even if you are unsure of your interest, these programs can give you an idea of whether or not it is a profession that you would like to further consider.

Declutter and Dispose with a Garage Sale

Summer break is a time for not only cleansing your mind but for purging unused or unwanted possessions. Whether you’re going off to college in the fall or simply need a fresh start, garage and yard sales are a great way for you to declutter your living space and get rid of those belongings that you haven’t touched in years.

If you’re having trouble getting this project rolling, let the thought of earning a few extra dollars motivate you. All you have to do to start is throw open your attic door, have two boxes labeled “Keep” and “Sell,” and get to sorting. Pick a day that works for you and list your yard sale in the appropriate classified sections of both Craigslist and your local newspaper. People won’t know you’re selling all this great stuff if you don’t advertise the event. Whatever you don’t sell, you can donate to local charities or even friends and family.

Explore Yourself through Self Expression

Ever have a hairstyle or cool outfit you wanted to sport? With three months away from your peers and teachers, it’s your time to explore yourself without fear of judgement. Summer is the perfect opportunity for you to test out new ways of expressing yourself and find out just what it is you have to offer the world. This doesn’t stop at your appearance. With your spare time, you can sign up for a dance class, learn an instrument, stylize your room, join a sports team and so much more. Live your best life this summer and have fun finding yourself.

Visit Places Only Your Imagination Can Take You

During the year, it can be difficult to read for leisure when you’re constantly bombarded with reading assignments at school. This summer, take the time to read something for yourself without any deadlines or papers in the mix. You might be surprised where your imagination takes you and what you can learn from a good book. If you don’t know how to find the right book for you, join a local reading club or check TIME’s list of 100 best books for young adults.

Have Fun on the Fairgrounds

Carnival rides and fair food are the pinnacle of American culture. Each summer, people travel from surrounding towns to go to the nearest fairgrounds and come together for a celebration of life. If you’re on social media, you most likely have seen ferris wheels and funnel cake flood your Instagram feed when the season rolls around. The truth is, it’s usually as fun as the pictures suggest. Many of these fairs offer petting zoos, games, rides and other festivities perfect for a day of fun with your family, friends, or romantic interest. Look up county and state fairs that are happening near you and start planning your visit today.

Put Others Before Yourself

Don’t feel bad if you’re spending your summer focusing on yourself, but if you have the time, you can do some work for others. Completing community service leaves you with a feeling of fulfillment and a sense of achievement. You can always log your hours and add the experience to your resume. If you’re a college-bound teen, volunteering your time is a great way to stand out to college admissions counselors and show them your quality of character. Read more about why volunteering is a key component in the college admissions process.

The opportunities are endless when it comes to deciding how to spend your summer. No matter how you choose to spend it, the important part is that you have fun and stay safe. Be proactive and make the most of your time this summer.

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Learning to Let Go

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With a new year comes evaluation, changes, praise, regret, resolution.

Perhaps these are amplified for the homeschool mom. I sure feel the weight of responsibility on my shoulders constantly.

And even more so for the homeschool mom of a teenager.

Teens have a way of putting you in your place, don’t they?

We’ve spent the last few years tapering back, evaluating priorities, setting goals, discussing plans for success.

It’s time to simplify.

Several years ago, my daughter was fired from her piano lessons. Her teacher just called me and gave me no notice that lessons would not continue. Nice. Apparently, theory workbook hadn’t been completed in a month and practicing had been scarce to none. She needed to cut her client list and my daughter was at the top of that list. Ouch.

Way to feel inferior as a mom.

I should’ve been checking and encouraging, nagging about practicing and the homework, right?

But it’s not my piano lesson.

It’s her responsibility.

While reviewing curriculum for the blog is a blessing for our family, it also causes upheaval for a time to see if this or that is a good fit or is fun or works better than that other one. Often, changing mid stride is necessary if something doesn’t work. Sometimes it’s hard to make the call. Is it too difficult? Is the child just being stubborn? Does it not fit our learning or teaching style? I’ve struggled over the years with making changes and wasting time and money on curriculum that doesn’t work for us. But it’s also great to have the freedom to choose what works best for us. We seldom do reviews now and we’ve settled into a good routine.

Homeschooling and having my four children home with me all the time gives me a better glimpse into their needs, desires, personalities, preferences. I have a better idea of how to guide them since I’m with them all the time and see the dynamics of their interactions.

It’s my job to be proactive and recognize when their needs change and how I should adapt. It’s a constant dance of doubt and wonder. I read and research and pray that I’m not messing all this up too much.

As children grow up, relationships and responsibilities change.

I’m still set on mothering toddlers, young children, tweens…and suddenly, I’m stuck with this woman-girl and I’m at a loss as to what to do with her.

Me, who had no qualms as a high school English teacher, standing toe to toe with burly high school football players and telling them what for.

This girl with her flashing eyes undoes me.

I expect more from a 17-year-old than an 11-year-old than a 3-year-old. Yes, it sucks to not be able to play all the time.

Being a responsible citizen is sometimes tiresome and I would rather lie around and read novels than do dishes, laundry, or pay bills. It’s my job to be positive and proactive and teach my teen daughter these things are better done quickly and cheerfully. Work before play.

I must lead by example.

My attitude matters.

There are difficult years parenting teens when I doubted everything.

I’ve learned that my eldest daughter gets rather run down without one on one time with me. She needs to be away from her younger siblings to recharge once in a while. I need to be intentional about making this happen more. She’s very social but gets easily overwhelmed.

My middle girl needs lots of exercise and outside time to blow off steam and she gets very tired in the evenings, so we try to get book work finished early.

My youngest girl is a free spirit and it’s heartwarming to watch her explore and create.

My son is so compassionate and thoughtful of others and I pray that is never compromised by this cruel world.

It will be proactive to help our household be more stable too in any way I can. Despite moving every few years. Despite deployments. Despite illnesses. Despite the deaths of pets.

I’ve watched the kids blossom and grow and become so independent, but they still ask what I think, what should she do.

My eldest just began college and got a part-time job!

It’s a delicate balance, this granting little freedoms with open hands – while they still think that freedom is something I can grant them.

While wanting to clench the fingers into tight fists.

All the while, praying.

My eldest has an iron will. I know it will serve her well in the future, but it hurts so much sometimes.

Resources:

  • Jesus, the Gentle Parent: Gentle Christian Parenting by L.R. Knost 
  • Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté  
  • Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Lisa Damour, Ph.D. 
  • Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters! by Rachel Macy Stafford  
  • Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn 
  • Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life by Peter Gray 
  • The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids by Jessica Joelle Alexander  
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