31 Days of Dying to Self

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October 1, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 4 Comments

It’s been difficult last few months.

With many blessings come many challenges.

The devil is a wily fellow.

The devil will take something wonderful and wrap it up so you don’t even realize that it’s not good for you anymore.

I’ve made some hard decisions. I’ve really slowed down my blogging and social media participation. I’ve quit my side writing jobs.

Anything that takes away from my family or causes me stress had to go.

The money isn’t worth it. The recognition isn’t worth it. The referrals and page views aren’t worth it.

My family needs me. Teens are needier than toddlers.

The monotony of parenting babies and toddlers allowed me to mistakenly feel I could leave them to pursue my own interests. I spent too much time away one year, leaving my babes in the care of nannies, only to be nudged not so gently back home where I belonged. What I missed and what damage it may have caused haunts me.

And just when I started feeling proud of myself for being home and more balanced, I am nudged yet again to re-evaluate my priorities and purge any activities not benefiting us.

If I can get up at 0300 to go to London but I struggle to get up by 0700 for my kids, something is very wrong with my priorities.

31 days of dying to self…

Day 1: Intro

Day 2: Mommy Guilt

Day 3: Wife Guilt

Days 4-5: weekend

Day 6: Self Care

Day 7: Humility

Day 8: Resentment

Day 9: Parenting

Day 10: Submission

Days 11-12: weekend

Day 13: Homeschool Guilt

Day 14: Blogging

Day 15: Leftovers

Day 16: Prayer

Day 17: Crafts

Days 18-19: weekend

Day 20: Talking

Day 21: Church

Day 22: Love Distortion

Day 23: Peace

Day 24: Past

Days 25-26: weekend

Day 27: No More Shaming

Day 28: Just the Right Size

Day 29: Outsider

Day 30: Because I Said So

Day 31: Broken

Check out my 31 Days of Servant Leadership from last year.

Join all the 31 Dayers.

Linking up: Raising Sticky Hands to Heaven

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No More TV

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September 30, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 9 Comments

We got rid of the TV (actually we chose to put it in storage rather than ship it to Germany). It didn’t seem worth the hassle of getting adaptors and figuring out how to connect to the German television system. And it saves money. For travel and beer and wine. Because, we’re in Europe, y’all.

No More TV - I’ve been delighted to see my kids’ imaginations really develop.

What do we do all day?!

Our days are really much like before: cooking, eating, cleaning, school lessons, more cooking, eating, cleaning, parks and playgrounds, hiking and playing, reading, chores, bedtime routines.

Because life continues despite our locale. Being a mama in Germany isn’t much different than being a mama when we lived in Utah, Hawaii, Texas, or Georgia.

I’ve been delighted to see my kids’ imaginations really develop.

Fairy traps, clover and daisy chains, lots of reading – both aloud and silently, individually and as a family, chores and helping and learning home economics, playing with educational toys, playing in bedrooms, listening to and playing music, playing board games, talking to each other, extra school lessons, research and note-taking and study skills, arts and crafts, make believe games, skits, outside play, nature study, hiking, scootering, biking, soccer (it’s called Fußball here, don’t ya know), learning German and French, field trips to interesting places – like castles and war monuments. PARIS.

We also have NO INTERNET. Still. I have to drive to the base library to use Wi-Fi and I max out my data plan on my iPhone by mid-month. Super fun.

It’s been about six months without Internet as we traveled across the country on our road trip and then over here to Germany. I’ve reevaluated my priorities and while most of you are sleeping, I am spending lots more quality time with my family than I did. I just can’t drive over to the base (almost 45 minutes away) to use the library wi-fi every time I want to post something. And all the libraries close by 7 during the week and by 5 on Fridays and the good one is closed weekends. I’m learning the limits of my iPhone, for sure. I am more a hands-free mama.

And of course during my solo trip to London over the weekend, I went wifi crazy in my hotel room and watched shows I missed, completed a single blog post (yay!), researched a few things on my neverending list, and just felt normal.

Sure, we each have an iPad and there are times when the kids play games too long, especially when it’s rainy and dreary, but they’re surprising me by choosing to do other activities much more often too. That’s unschooling, and I kinda suck at that, being the control freak that I am,

We often watch both fun and educational DVDs on the computers. The library has a great selection. We have a collection of beloved DVDs. And there’s this cool DVD rental store on base with lots of DVDs for cheapo.

We hope we get internet soon for so many reasons…and we shall resume streaming Netflix and Amazon videos.

Because I really miss Doctor Who.

Resources:

American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers by Nancy Jo Sales
Disconnected: Youth, New Media, and the Ethics Gap by Carrie James
Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other by Sherry Turkle
It’s Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens by danah boyd
iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy–and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood–and What That Means for the Rest of Us by Jean M. Twenge, PhD
The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt
Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit by Richard Louv
Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross
Hands Free Life: Nine Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better, and Loving More by Rachel Macy Stafford
Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters! by Rachel Macy Stafford

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Bacon: American vs. German

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September 15, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

There’s only one brand of American bacon available at the commissary here in Germany that we will eat. There are a few cheaper, chemical-filled kinds. Ew.

I do love bacon in all its various forms: sliced thick, proscuitto, pancetta, speck, whatever.

I do miss my Farmland bacon.

Then I discovered this bacon at Globus.

Look how thin this bacon is. It reminds me of prosciutto.

It fries up in perfect little dimpled strips.

We really prefer the flavor and texture of the German bacon, even though it often takes two packages for our breakfast, since it’s so small and thin. I just wish it were nitrate and nitrite free!

And don’t get me started on English bacon. It’s amazing!

I’m very pleased with shopping at the German stores for our staples. We seldom go to the commissary to buy much, except when we run out of something and don’t plan well because all the German stores are closed on Sundays and the commissary is the only grocer open. I usually only buy toilet paper, Annie’s mac and cheese, cat litter, some organic crackers at the commissary. Everything else is superior quality in the German stores. Typically, no chemicals, additives, dyes or crazy sweeteners.

The kids love the German foods and we’re still always amused at the items in people’s carts. So much processed food! We buy all our produce and eggs on Saturdays at our little farmer’s market. We often buy salami and bread at our village bakery/shop. We go to Globus 2-3 times per week to buy meat and a few other things. We have a small German refrigerator in the kitchen and a big “American” side by side fridge and freezer in our dining area. We seldom use our freezer – except for homemade ice cream and frozen homemade stock and soup and berry blends for smoothies.

We love eating fresh and simple.

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Learning to Be Content

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September 8, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 3 Comments

I prayed to move to Germany, y’all. I prayed so hard.

I knew my family needed a break from the American rat race.

We needed to reset.

Living in Utah seemed to magnify my less-than, like I was living in the spotlight of never-enough.

I’ve kinda always felt that way, but it seemed even worse the last few years.

I needed to fill that hole in my heart with stuff, trying to compete with my kids as a showcase against all those little wannabe Gap model kids.

I failed miserably.

We often showed up to library storytime, barely out of pajamas, with unkempt hair, questionable teeth hygiene, and mismatched socks.

Bombarded with emails, social media posts, and blogs about what I needed: should have, coupons, sales, giveaways, deals, affiliate programs.

I was tired.

I wanted off the ride.

It has been liberating deleting emails and removing myself from lists that are no longer relevant to our living in Europe.

We don’t have Target and I’m so happy about that. (Did I just hear a collective gasp?!)

There is a limited selection here at most stores and fewer stores to shop anyway. And we have no storage or room for all those extra things we don’t even need.

It’s too stressful and expensive and takes forever to eat out with six family members and I am more than happy to plan and stay home for meals.

Because, I am not strong enough to set rules and keep to them. I am not strong enough to budget and plan and say no. I am not strong enough to make better choices not based on the media or the blog posts telling me what my family should have.

I’ve never felt like I fit in. Homeschool groups and co-ops just don’t make me happy. I hope the problem is really me and not them. But it’s not worth my time and effort to try to counsel myself and find out.

I’m more confident here with my family that I don’t need affirmation from other homeschoolers here.

It’s a blank slate. I can rewrite our priorities and goals.

We can work towards something meaningful together.

We have few distractions. We don’t need stuff. We can travel and make wonderful memories, visiting all this history at our back door.

We are learning to be content.

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Let’s All Be Brave Book Review

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September 5, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert

Liz and I are excited to review Annie Downs’ new book, Let’s All Be Brave: Living Life with Everything You Have by Zondervan.

When I first opened it, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I haven’t read any of Annie’s other two books, so I didn’t know her writing style at all. I was pleasantly surprised and this is certainly a book God wanted me to read – to help with my own issues and to minister to my daughters. And son too!

An extraordinary call to action for women…it’s Annie’s first book geared towards adults…but that insecure teen girl who lives inside all of us adult women who still struggle with self-esteem and confidence issues. It’s for us. Ahem.

A series of witty essays revolving around quirky themes, such as: soccer, Dale Murphy, missions, college, family, cereal. I feel like I’m sitting in a coffee shop or comfy living room chatting away about life. The “dialogue” strips away fears and helps encourage readers to live bravely, for God, for others…to step outside oneself and LIVE – fully and abundantly. Without fear.

I love how Annie speaks from her heart to mine. My daughter read the book too, in a matter of hours, and felt uplifted and encouraged. She’s thirteen, and going through those difficult and tumultuous times of feeling invincible and worthless, sometimes all at once. This is a great conversation-starting book.

This is a must-read for all young women. It’s an easy read, moving along quickly with short essays written in coffee shops around Nashville. And I love all the references to my native state of Georgia. Go Dale Murphy!

Annie F. Downs is an author and speaker based in Nashville, Tennessee. Flawed but funny, she uses her writing to highlight the everyday goodness of a real and present God.
Annie is the author of Let’s All Be Brave, a book for men and women about the power we each have to make a difference on this planet. She also has two books for teens: Perfectly Unique, a spiritual growth book for high school and college girls, and Speak Love, a challenge to women on how to use their words to make a difference in the world.
By weaving together personal stories, humor, and Scripture, she invites those reading to experience fulfilled lives with a God who made them on purpose and loves them deeply. You can learn more about her books here.
While she loves writing- books, blogs, articles, thank-you notes- Annie also enjoys traveling around the world speaking to young women, college students, and adults.You can learn more about her speaking events here.
Annie is a huge fan of bands with banjos, glitter, her community of friends, boiled peanuts, and football games.

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Obedience Is Not Wisdom

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September 3, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 3 Comments

If children are taught obedience, they’ll find someone to obey.

Teach your children to make wise decisions.

“Obedience is doing what you’re told, no matter what’s right. Morality is doing what’s right, no matter what you’re told.” L.R.Knost

In the beginning of my parenting journey, I was all about obedience.

We sang songs, did lapbooks, learned poems and chants, discussed character building with Bible verses and watched spiritual stories about obedience.

The church encouraged and supported these beliefs. There are many, many resources on the topic of obedience – for children and wives.

Do I want my kids to obey me for their safety? Certainly. And for young kids, they must be taught to obey me and trust me and respond quickly without thinking.

If I sharply say, “Stop!” or “Wait!” or “Duck!” of course, I want them to obey all the way, right way, with or without a cheerful heart. It’s for their immediate safety so they don’t step off the curb when there’s a car coming or get run over by a cyclist or get hit with a ball or Frisbee. If something occurs that they don’t understand, I explain why they needed to obey after the event. That’s just being a good parent and having a relationship with my kids and showing them respect.

After a child comes of age or has reached that age of reason, decisions are often so much more complex and the choice to obey gets more unclear. Differences between right and wrong become even cloudier as she weighs options and consequences. Often, the devil’s voice is very loud and drowns out what she knows to be true.

In the military (and many other professions), there are differences between leaders and bosses.

Bosses bark orders and expect troops to scramble to obey as quickly as possible. Leaders discuss solutions to problems and realize how often lower ranking members have really great ideas. But in the field, leaders know they have to give orders that must be obeyed quickly without question.

Relationship and trust is key.

We value leadership around here. We value relationship.

I’m raising leaders instead of followers.

I have to model the behaviors I desire to see in my children.

Recent events at our house have made me realize that I must be constantly diligent, seeking any holes in my relationships with my children and be quick plug the leaks.{Tweet This!}

I am in a constant battle for the souls of my children.

The Internet and its predators are constantly lurking, “friends” are wolves in sheep’s clothing, too many distractions to take us out of the home and into dangerous territory.

The devil is a ravenous lion, seeking to devour all that is good. (1 Peter 5:8)

He desires above all to destroy families and he will do it through our children.

Nothing worth doing is ever easy.

It would be easier for me to enroll my children in school and have time to myself. It would be easier to turn away and not know what they read, watch, listen to. It would be easier to send them out to play and not know where or with whom they hang out.

I refuse to take the easy way out.

Rebellion is not normal. The church and many Christian resources admonish parents to disciple, train, punish, even beat their children into submission. While we are all born with a sin nature, children don’t come into this world desiring to rebel against their parents, to irritate, annoy, or cause strife. They are naturally selfish little beings (as are we all!) and should be gently taught by example how to get along with kindness. There is no need for disrespect, punishment, or control in parenting. Parents should be guides, helping their children navigate society and learn how to cooperate well with others. Having power struggles with children only weakens their trust. They naturally want to please their parents and should be offered every opportunity to do so, in a safe and loving environment.

Children can be trusted to make wise decisions.

My children are worth more to me than comfort, money, time to myself, sleeping late in the morning, or even expanding my blogging and business.

I will teach them with kindness and respect.

I may have lost track of priorities in the last year, but I know Jesus can redeem even this.

I will fight for the souls of my children.

Linking up: Mommy Crusader, B Inspired Mama

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Driving in Germany

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September 1, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 4 Comments

I love driving in Germany, except when stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, inching along for over an hour to drive 2 exits on the A6.

It’s lovely and scenic on the back roads, driving through random little red-roofed villages. Except when there’s street parking on both sides and I hold my breath and suck in my tummy, subconsciously thinking that will help us squeeze through.

On the curvy, narrow two-laned roads, white-knuckled and hugging the white line on the right-hand shoulder while I cast glimpses of the pastoral squares of 50 shades of gold and green with vineyards, wheat, cabbages, other crops unnamed and unknown.

My life is now complete that I saw an old man driving a tractor, pulling a camp trailer. That was just quirky and beautiful.

I often feel like I’m driving a huge, wider-than-a-Mack-truck while these sleek European sports cars whiz past, almost driving in the middle of the two-lane road. There are no dividing little dotted lines either. And I really love it when I get passed by motorcycles and sports cars, flying on these dangerous can’t-see-around-the-bend curves.

I drive an old blue Dodge Caravan – so that screams I’m an American, and I try to imagine it’s really a Porsche. I so want it to be.

But I don’t dare go into that left lane on the Autobahn. The lane of hell. The lane where motorcycles and Porches, BMWs, and Audis zooooom past in a split second and disappear on the horizon. I suck in my breath and grip the steering wheel a little tighter and say a quick prayer through clenched teeth as the wind shakes my van a bit.

If I’m going 130 kph (80 mph), who knows how fast they’re going? The speed sign is just a recommendation, after all, right? Breathe in. Breathe out.

The kids love all these little road trips. It takes an hour to go anywhere. There are no shortcuts or “state highways.” Just these little windy roads through villages and the Autobahn, which is often inconvenient and in the wrong direction. I often pack a cooler since I don’t want to get stranded foodless and ravenous – and there are no quick stops other than grocery stores with bakeries.

Get a .

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Gartenschau Dino Park

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August 27, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

We went to the Garden Show in Kaiserslautern as a family on July 4th.

After our visit, we bought a season pass to the Gartenschau/Dino Park. It’s quite lovely and a fun, versatile field trip.

An interesting exhibit this year is Element. This month is water and it’s quite fun with cellophane rain clouds and a unique brass water sculpture.

A river runs through it where the kids can play and there’s a watery playground with pumps, waterfalls, and slides. We didn’t bring swimsuits this time.

My favorite place was the Biblical garden. We found lambs and a shepherd and the girls loved that part on the hill!

Of course, the dinosaurs were super fun. Kate wanted an action shot of fighting the Velociraptor. Totally like in that old TV show, .

We all loved the rose garden and other themed gardens. We had a lovely dinner at the restaurant at the entrance. Alex always wants to eat indoors. We really need to break him of that.

I took the kids back on a sunny day so they could play at the water area. They wore swimsuits and played in the river and pond. It was warm and sunny and they all had a fun time. I sat on a blanket in the sun and watched them.

It was also the last day of school for the German kids, so it was packed when we arrived since they all had their end of the year party that morning. After lunch, they all left and it was much easier to keep track of the kids with fewer patrons running around.

We had to stop at the fountain at the entrance on our way out.

There are fun events almost every day – from concerts to kids activities. The season pass is a great deal and we could go multiple times a week if we wanted and the weather was good enough. It doesn’t take us long at all to get there and it’s only € 2.00 to park all day.

€ 7.00 for adults and € 3.00 for kids 6-16

The park is open from 01 April to 31 October daily.

On weekdays – Monday to Friday from 9 to 19 o’clock

On weekends, during the Rhineland-Palatinate vacation, public holidays and long weekends open 10 to 19 o’clock

Visit their website for more info!

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Shepherding Teens

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August 25, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

When I was pregnant with our third child, my husband asked me in bewilderment, “How will we do bedtime?”

At the time it seemed to me a ridiculously silly question.

“We’ll just do it,” I thought, exasperated.

As parents, we sometimes do what we must to survive.

I soon realized that having more than one child was hard. I envied the families with only children. I also had no idea how large families did anything well.

And I’ve never considered ours a large family.

Until we moved to Germany.

We stood out in Europe among the families of single kids or perfect pairs. The parents aren’t outnumbered. They can drive small cars with four seats. They don’t have to wait forever at restaurants to be seated. They’re mathematically correct.

With a thirteen-year-old, eight-year-old, seven-year-old, and four-year-old, it seemed like a legitimate concern. How do I do bedtime well? How do I divide my time and mothering well?

A few harried years went by with rushed bedtimes. Rushed baths. Rushed prayers. Rushed affection. Exhausted, ready to be done with the day, and still facing the destruction of a kitchen well-used every night.

I traded a relationship with my children at bedtime for me time.

The eldest child often went unheeded as I rocked the baby and Dad prayed with the girls. Night after night. Not every night, but too many. I dreaded the never-ending chores of cleaning up and just wanted to collapse into writing or reading or sleep.

Teens are just as needy as toddlers.

Perhaps needier.

I missed out on many bedtime conversations and prayers and opportunities for heart training and answering difficult questions.

Because I was exhausted.

Or thought I was.

I’d read all the right books (and many wrong ones!) about parenting, shepherding and training hearts, but all those words won’t substitute for the proactive parent relationship a child needs.

It took near disaster to wake us up to how much we are needed as the parents of a teen. To pray for the reversal of damage. To pray for redemption of time and the experiences that we missed. To pray for improvement in our family relationships.

We were living on the surface.

We lived superficially instead of getting at the marrow of life. We were in the wings, instead of actively directing and counseling. We were focused on all the wrong things.

Every day was an uphill battle as defiance reigned and I was ready to just give up.

I almost lost her.

Then a not-so-gentle nudge from God.

Pray.

I’m not a prayer warrior. It’s not my nature. I wasn’t raised to this. We’re not a hymn-singing, Bible-quoting, tract-giving family. We don’t spend hours on Bible study or scripture reading every morning. Maybe we should do some things differently.

Such a simple thing, really–to pray earnestly for and with this child. This child so different from myself. Despite the hard days, the mean looks, the saucy attitude. This child whom I have seen withering away and growing cold and distant is now blossoming again with the nourishment of relationship she needs and now receives that she didn’t know how to ask for.

I know that God can redeem that lost time and restore this relationship. He is a God of reconciliation. He reminds me of the good memories we shared and the knowledge that we can make more good memories. I look forward to the future as it unfolds in excitement and anticipation and opportunity.

It’s not always a matter of good or bad parenting. Kids eventually make their own choices. They’re too often stuck in the middle. I can actively pray for and with my daughter and know it’s in God’s hands.

And I will love her no matter what.

As my other three kids grow up into teens and young adults, I pray fervently for each of them. I know they struggle to grow into their own individual selves and I have to hold them with open hands as they develop and make their mistakes and learn. They also watched their eldest sibling flounder and they learned from witnessing her mistakes and lessons.

I am so pleased to be through this stage with my eldest and it seems smoother with my other three. Perhaps I learned so much that I am less anxious and realize my place and that I can’t live vicariously through my children and they must learn with their own ups and downs.

I will always be here to catch them if and when they fall.

Resources:

Jesus, the Gentle Parent: Gentle Christian Parenting by L.R. Knost
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté
Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Lisa Damour, Ph.D.
Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters! by Rachel Macy Stafford
Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn
Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life by Peter Gray
The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids by Jessica Joelle Alexander

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Homeschool High School Schedule

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August 25, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

We’ve gotten more relaxed in our schedule with moving and settling in Germany but still having no Internet.

I’m sure this schedule will change more after I don’t have to leave the house for Wi-Fi and can adjust to a healthier rhythm at home.

Trying to explain to Liz that high school level work requires more time and effort than the level the girls are doing. I know it’s hard and it’s often unpleasant. We need to work on balance and time management.

Homeschool High School Schedule

7ish:

I wake and prepare breakfast, we all help clean up, we often get dressed

8ish:

Read-aloud time with Bible, literature, history, science, Life of Fred math

9:30ish:

Liz goes off to do her own thing
supervised lessons and seat work for Tori, Kate – math, reading, science and history notebooking
Alex – All About Reading Level 2, math printables and manipulatives at his desk or on the floor

12ish:

Lunchtime (usually leftovers or something quick…sometimes with read alouds or a quick educational video), clean up

1ish:

Tori and Kate finish up their work or do arts and crafts or science experiments or history crafts. Alex plays. Liz continues her work.

2ish:

Outside play if the weather’s nice or indoor quiet time with games or fun reading or arts and crafts. This is when I get work done.

Evenings:

Mondays, Liz has Civil Air Patrol. Tuesdays, beginning this week, Tori will have gymnastics and Alex will have soccer practice. Of course, Kate has soccer practice on Wednesdays and games on Saturdays!

Dinner is usually at 6 and bedtime has been running as late as 9 since the sun is still well up.

Check out more:

our curriculum choices!
our school space

Resources:

Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang
Wintering: The power of rest and retreat in difficult times by Katherine May
Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives by Wayne Muller
Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity by Saundra Dalton-Smith
Finding Spiritual Whitespace: Awakening Your Soul by Bonnie Gray
Whispers of Rest: 40 Days of God’s Love to Revitalize Your Soul by Bonnie Gray
Finding Soul Rest: 40 Days of Connecting with Christ: A Devotional by Curtis Zackary
Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler’s Guide to Unshakable Peace by Sarah Mackenzie

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