Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Graduation Day

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Well, the invitations are coming in and my graduating student is thoroughly excited to celebrate with her friends.

And I feel like garbage.

I didn’t get a copy of Oh, the Places You‘ll Go! signed by everyone she’s interacted with since toddlerhood.

I didn’t get senior portraits in a field of weeds.

We don’t have any parties or trips planned.

I didn’t do any of the trendy Instagram-worthy Pinteresting things that I wasn’t even aware of.

It’s been a rough few years, with COVID closing all our extracurricular activities for a couple years. And after that, my teens aged out of a lot of classes and camps and some never started back up after the quarantine. There have been several ups and downs with job changes and income levels fluctuating.

I feel like I really dropped the ball and the end of this year has kinda snuck up on me.

My own senior year and high school graduation week was a fiasco.

I was one of the first students in Georgia to attempt dual enrollment with high school and college. My counselor and principal refused to help or grant any concessions or early dismissal, so I went directly to a local college and enrolled as a Freshman Scholar. I was still required to complete senior English, so I had to take marketing and another elective in order to leave early. I was require to work part time retail for my marketing class.

Senior week is supposed to be a fun time with graduation practice and whatnot, and when I showed up, several students forgot I even attended the school.

Graduation itself was funny. We handed condoms to our principal as we accepted a fake diploma. Several of us brought silly string and hid it in our sleeves. In order to receive our diploma folder, we had to return our cap and gown and a silly penlight since they thought it was a good idea for some “candlelight” moment. I dropped mine so they threatened to withhold my actual diploma.

My parents decided to go celebrate my graduation in downtown Atlanta at Chops steakhouse. Then they got upset I ordered lamb chops instead of steak. I swear I have seldom been so embarrassed: they stole the steak knives from the table. As we left, I pointed to a case by the door where they sold the knives and branded merchandise. I don’t even remember getting any gifts. We didn’t have a party with my large extended family or any of my friends.

I don’t really like ceremony anyway, but I always wanted my kids to feel special and that any day of celebration for them was about them and not about me.

My first child completed our homeschool in Germany and we were so happy for her and I got some fun photos at a nearby park and I ordered a cute pink mortarboard for her. We didn’t have a party since we didn’t have anyone to invite. We had traveled to many cities in Europe so she has some special memories of her teen years. We moved back to the States and she got a part time job and started college a year early. She didn’t want her driving license until she was eighteen. She resented a lot and regrets a lot of what we had to do, but she also wishes she could have graduated college during COVID somehow like some of her peers.

My elderly parents live near Atlanta, but they don’t communicate with my family; they express no interest in my kids at all. They don’t even seem to remember that I have four children, and often lump the middle two together. We haven’t seen my parents since 2018. My husband’s sisters don’t talk to me or the kids. They live near Chicago, and we haven’t seen them since 2012. It’s lonely and sad.

But I can celebrate my child even if no one else will.

She has performed with aerial gymnastics for about seven years – silks, lyra, and trapeze.

She has a part time job at a local grocery store since she was fifteen.

She has been a College Credit Plus student at a local university for two years, so she is already a sophomore in college at high school graduation. She is accepted as an honors student there this fall and we are very proud. She plans to commute so she can have better food and the comfort of her own bed and space.

She wanted her driving license as soon as possible so we got her the mandatory driving skill classes and a cute little Prius when she turned sixteen.

She attended Space Camp last summer, which has been her dream all her life.

We’re thrilled she got invited to the local high school prom with a group of girl friends.

We are very proud of everything she has done and she has some great goals I am sure she will meet!

Yes, I know that admonition about having only eighteen summers, and I know we have had some great and busy ones and some boring not so great ones. I also feel I have a few more summers to make some great memories, and I have no intention of just sending my kids away to live their own lives without me. I will stay as involved and close as they will let me be. I am blessed that my kids still want to go shopping, attend events, and travel with me.

This summer, we have a beach trip planned, but it will be a multitasker for my son’s baseball tournament. I hope to have a few long weekends or short trips to places that are interesting to my graduating child – hiking or thrifting, art and history museums.

Graduation should be a time for celebration. It’s a huge milestone for kids on the cusp of adulthood.

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Memory Keeper

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My mother’s eldest sister and brother were the memory keepers of their family.

My grandfather was born in 1898 and my grandmother was born in 1908.

My Aunt Betty kept in touch with all the extended family – cousins and greats and grands and all the odds and ends scattered across several states. I even remember attending a reunion when I was a little girl. When she passed, all those connections were lost.

My Uncle John helped compile a huge book of genealogy, stretching back to when our first ancestor arrived in North America in the 1600s. I now possess that book.

I have several hand-typed pages that my father’s mother (born in 1925) completed on her family, but I have no way of fact-checking or following up with anyone since I am perhaps the last living person in this family, besides my children. I know nothing about my dad’s father’s family.

My husband’s uncle keeps up with their extended family and there used to be reunions before the pandemic. They have an online site with genealogy updates. We don’t know much about my husband’s mother’s people and no one to ask.

While I grieve for the loss of family and connection, I do want to pass on the little I know to my children. Sometimes, they humor me and listen to my memories and stories. My eldest is the only one of my kids who remembers some of our extended family. It pains me that we have lost those connections for all the many reasons – moving so frequently with the military, hurt feelings, lack of communication, out of sight and out of mind.

Part of me also realizes that in our fast-paced disposable society, we are all losing track of family, friends, and aquaintances. We’re telling fewer stories and have shorter attention spans. There has been a bonfire of the humanities with all the emphasis on STEM learning. It is a huge loss for humanity.

Memory Keeping

Sharing Stories

When we share memories orally, we offer a glimpse into a past moment. Sometimes, it may be embellished. It is surely specific to my memory of the experience and my feelings at the time. My interpretation of the event and my relationship with the others involved is mine to understand. When I share the story with my kids, I invite insight and sometimes realize how it might have happened differently than my childhood memory seems to me.

Photos

Someday, I will have all my photo albums and paper records to peruse. They’re stored in my parents’ basement and bonus room closet. They comprise decades and generations and I’m sure I will have forgotten many of the people in my parents’ photos, if I ever knew.

Heirlooms

I know some of our children don’t want the handmedowns. They don’t have any interest in the collections of our mothers or grandmothers. But I also see so many heirlooms for sale or even for free on online sites that are getting snapped up, so it’s not everyone who doesn’t want these things. Some people crave the nostalgia and glory in the memories these items represent.

Visiting

I’ve taken my kids to see some of the places that are meaningful to our history.

Some of us have the privilege of visiting elderly relatives and maintaining or cultivating relationships between our elders and the newer generations.

While we didn’t have that, I can try to visit the towns and sites I remember from my youth to make it more real for my kids to visualize. Some places are obviously gone or transformed into freeways or strip mallls or something.

Learning

We have so much technology now to research our geneaology. Find a Grave and other ancestry websites are great starting places and we can find a lot of information for free or even more with paid memberships. Local libraries and history centers have a lot of analog info and even more in digital databases.

Our society doesn’t have a lot of respect or patience with elders. We don’t honor their wisdom. I miss my matriarchs in my family and I wish I had asked more questions and paid more attention.

Creating and curating memories for an unknown future is important to me. I often attempt to be metacognitive of events so I can make them happy memories for my kids to remember when they’re adults. If my kids choose not to have children of their own, I want them to have knowledge of our history for themselves.

The things that mean something to us are uniquely embedded in our memories. In a world of crass materialism, appreciating what we have isn’t just about frugality or simplicity. It’s about quiet satisfaction found in meaning and memory. ~Laura Grace Weldon

How do you honor memory in your family?

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Preparing Teens for the Workforce

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My kids are growing into adults with a different world than I experienced as a teen and young adult.

As I prepare my teens for college and the workforce, and later living independently, I realize what they’re up against and the difficulties they face that I didn’t have to worry about in the mid-1990’s.

Some of the tips and practices I was taught haven’t much changed, but some tactics and methods are different. I didn’t have the resources we can find online to help me prepare as easily or research companies or positions or competitive salaries.

I haven’t worked for pay outside the home in almost twenty years and I realize how difficult it is for a middle-aged mom to find work with such a long gap in her résumé. I have a master’s degree. I know what I can and can’t do. I know I am teachable and intelligent and able. I know what my skills were and are and could be. But I don’t look great on paper and few are willing to take a chance. It’s more than simple ageism.

My husband retired from the US Air Force after twenty years, during the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic. He has a master’s degree. While that made things more complicated with online interviews, there were still unforeseen difficulties we didn’t expect. We assumed his military career in communications and medical laboratory would give him lots of opportunities in our metro area, but we soon realized there are not so many choices in our desired salary range. Some companies are not interested in hiring a veteran. Many lowball the pay for too much responsibility and undesirable hours. Some positions are contracts that make us nervous if they get cancelled or furloughed. We assumed the market would be wide open, but many posted positions close within a day, and so many seem to require personal connections we don’t have.

Two of my teens got part time jobs at age sixteen. One had to be coaxed and one was chomping at the bit to work. My other two teens aren’t especially interested in working at this time and we revisit goals and plans frequently.

I am a firm believer that kids shouldn’t have to enter the adult world until they have to or want to since it’s so very hard to go back. So many teens are exploited in the workplace, underpaid and overworked and they don’t realize their rights. Also, the economy the last decade or so has so many adults competing with teens for what used to be entry level jobs that teens are pushed out and have fewer options. I see many adults doing side gigs or full time jobs as nannies, pet sitters, house sitters, lawn care, and more – and these positions used to be traditional entries into the working world for older kids and teens. I have seen fewer companies willing to give inexperienced teens the opportunity for their first job so they can gain experience and learn.

How to Prepare for the Workforce

Résumé

So much has changed for résumés since I was in the workforce and looking for jobs. LinkedIn is a good place to begin and will propagate a lovely formated résumé from the input.

While I do possess résumé paper, most communication is online, so uploading or emailing pdf copies of résumés seems to be the norm now.

The required information seems to be similar, just more streamlined these days.

Objectives and cover letters seems to be optional, but are still a good idea to focus and personalize to each job you apply to.

Employers prefer experience listed in reverse chronological format. List the most recent job first. Specific dates are optional, it seems in some circumstances. My teens also listed volunteer positions they held.

Education is important, and obviously many teens or college students don’t have a lot to list here.

Special skills, honors, awards, memberships always look great.

Job Search

While so much is online, it’s still good to keep our eyes and ears open.

There are many sites dedicated to job searches and can be filtered for very specific needs.

Many teens find success working where they shop or visit, especially if there are perks like discounts. It never hurts to ask friends, aquaintances, or store employees if the store is hiring or will be hiring soon. There are seasonal and temporary jobs often, based on demand.

Interview Tips

I feel nothing much is changed with interviewing. We should still look our best and be prepared to answer difficult questions. For some jobs, there is often a phone interview prior to an in-person meeting.

Interviews are a good opportunity to learn about a company, supervisors, and employees. It’s great to ask questions of the interviewer and they owe you honest answers. It’s a two-way street!

It’s important to learn a little about the company and why you would want to work there, why you would be a great fit! Have a good elevator pitch to tell about yourself and your strengths and accomplishments.

Some interviews are very informal and just a formality prior to hiring while others are more in-depth. Often, it just depends on the interviewer and timing.

It’s important not to feel failure if a job isn’t offered on the spot. It’s good experience and not wasted time to have several interviews before finding a good job fit.

Paperwork

Most teens need a work permit in their state that can be acquired at their local high school. There are different child labor laws for different ages under eighteen.

When offered a position, there will be identification required and tax forms.

Benefits options should be provided and open for discussion.

Some companies have unions and it’s important to support those!

Never store anything on the company cloud accounts without having a backup. Don’t use company devices for any personal correspondence or documents.

Training

All training should be paid.

It’s never ok to be asked to come in for a free preview or on the job interview.

Most training is about a week-long for retail or restaurant. It’s a great time to ask questions or clarification on policy and protocol.

Hopefully, there are written training manuals, employee handbooks, and standard operating procedures.

It’s wise to be humble and teachable.

Exploitation

Teens and young adults need to know their rights in the workplace.

Even adults are exploited or find themselves in a position that is difficult and they are not in an easy position to leave or find another job, so they feel that they have to just take the abuse.

If businesses are unwilling to discuss or disclose pay increases, sick or personal leave options, that’s a red flag. If employees are not protected from harm or abuse from others, that’s a problem.

My teens have been sexually harrassed, had hours cut as punishment, had time off denied, been criticized about appearance, cussed and yelled at, and more.

My husband has been overloaded in positions without compensation or recognition for going above and beyond his job description. He has been micromanged to infinity and beyond by egotistical supervisors who felt threatened by his confidence and experience.

Sometimes, there seems to be a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive. Many supervisors can’t handle an employee who is confident or knowledgeable or kind.

Separation

I still feel it’s important to give a two-week notice when leaving a position. This is much for you to have a transition time as it is for the company to find a replacement. This also often helps with having a buffer in salary until your first pay at the new position.

My adult daughter was told to vacate her position immediately a few times after giving notice. I hated that and it showed the quality of those employers.

In some states, employers can terminate employees for any or no reason, at any time.

It’s important to document, document, document!

Write out a practice script, making the circumstances as neutral as possible, without placing or accepting blame. It can be something simple and vague like: “There was a difference in company policy interpretation.”

When I was in my mid-twenties, I lost five jobs in two years! It was a difficult time and I was very discouraged. It forced me to reevaluate my career and options. While it wasn’t easy for me to choose to homeschool my kids, it became the best choice and has been so rewarding and fulfilling these two decades.

Sometimes, a job transition forces us to reevaluate our goals and dreams, and look for new or different opportunities.

What are your job search tips?

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Shades of Gray

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When we moved into our home in Ohio, the walls were two shades of gray.

The dining room is two shades of gray. The powder bath is dark gray. The living room and kitchen and laundry room are light gray.

The good quality real wood kitchen cabinets had been texture-painted gray (why?).

The basement walls are gray. The upstairs hallway, two bedrooms, and bathroom are gray.

The cedar siding is gray.

The main bedroom/bathroom is beige. Brown is never a good choice in a bathroom!

We rented for almost five years, never realizing we might buy this home, that my husband could retire from the USAF here.

But here we are, slowly transforming this sad gray house into something cheerier and more our style.

I am not a minimalist.

Vehicles

Not too long ago, many cars came in fun colors like orange or green, but most new cars since the mid to late 90s are all neutral greyscale. And the designs all look the same – rounded rectangles. Maybe this is why we get excited for vintage car shows!

I still occasionally see a yellow or teal car, but they’re few and far between. They sure stand out on the road or parking lot! We even have a pink SUV around town that they got custom painted.

This video mentions the changes are due to resale value and luxury psychology.

@urbannic

why aren’t cars as colorful anymore?

♬ original sound – nicole urban

Minimalism and Decor Aesthetic

Having a capsule wardobe and neutral furniture and furnishings is fine if there are colorful accents and accessories. It’s frugal and easy to switch up with seasons. It can be classic and classy with quality items.

But some of it just goes too far.

Color theory is important for our moods to be uplifting. Sterile greyscale themes are depressing.

Colorful items are essential to child development. I loved showing my kids colorful toys, books, and natural items on our excursions.

The “sad beige” conceit has become part of the zeitgeist thanks to Hayley DeRoche, who under @sadbeige on TikTok and @officialsadbiege on Instagram makes comedy videos where, in the voice of German film director Werner Herzog, she hilariously narrates marketing images of colorless kids’ clothes and toys.

We live in a HGTV-inspired greige world.

I am bombarded with Internet reels and DIY videos and reality TV shows for furniture and home makeovers where people apparently hate beautiful natural wood, so it all gets painted. So many valuable and lovely vintage furniture pieces, cabinets, and wood trim are ruined by paint, whether it is stripped and sanded and applied well or not.

To prevent any political bias, many TVs in medical and dental waiting rooms are tuned to HGTV and it makes me so upset. I don’t want to see those horrible shows where lovely homes are gutted to make way for walk-in showers and white on white hotel-like or bank lobby sterile rooms.

It’s a weird thing to make people feel temporary in their own homes.

Residential Buildings

All the homes for rent or for sale at least the last decade and a half have been all neutrals. They’ve been stripped and remodeled with gray and beige and plain.

While it looks clean on the surface and is a blank slate for a new resident, it lacks anything personal and many landlords refuse to allow tenants to add any color.

We rented until 2020 and all the homes we lived in had white walls and cheap beige carpet and melamine cabinetry and countertops.

I miss the rich wood tones, wallpapered walls, textured carpets and hardwood floors of my childhood.

Commercial Buildings

All the bright fun buildings and fast food restaurants have depression makeovers.

They’re all gray, purple, brown, neutral. It’s like they want to look like a gym or hotel lobby.

I mean, schools look more and more like prisons or mental institutions, so why should we expect any commercial building to have any fun colors or details?

Many shows were filmed in front of a live-studio audience in Orlando, Florida. But in 2005, this original studio was abandoned and given a dull makeover, forever leaving nostalgic Nickelodeon fans with a dreary image.

McDonald’s and Taco Bell were remodeled and it’s as if they took out their souls.

When did we collectively decide we hate all color? When did we stop having personalities?

I am not a minimalist, but I like order and tidiness and being able to easily clean surfaces is nice.

We are slowly painting rooms in our house and upgrading the kitchen and bathrooms.

I’m all for color and personality and fun.

It’s just paint and decor and can be easily changed.

It’s boring when we are all the same, when we all look the same. It becomes dystopian.

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Nourishing Teens

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I know for many families, it’s a struggle both budgeting and planning to get healthy meals on the table.

Growing up, my mother loathed cooking and it showed.

I ate canned vegetables boiled to oblivion, overcooked unseasoned meats, Sunbeam white bread, margarine, sugary cereals, soda, sweet caffeinated tea. My parents forced me to drink 2% milk every night – in spite of my hatred of it and that it gave me horrible digestive troubles.

Dinnertime was often a battle on all fronts. I remember many times I stayed at our kitchen table for hours, staring at a plate of food slowly congealing and mixing with my tears.

I had at least weekly migraines and developed disordered eating that I still struggle to overcome.

I’ve certainly evolved a lot as a parent in many ways and very much with my relationship with food.

When I was a single mom, I got Angel Food boxes from a local church and they were a big help. I shopped at international grocery stores and discount shops and bakery outlets for cheaper cuts of meat or older items.

After I remarried, we were excited to receive charity hams and turkeys from church or the USO during holidays.

For many years, I struggled to plan and prep meals, clipping coupons and going to various stores for the best deals to feed our family of six as best I could. I still use savings apps like these.

There is no shame in any of that.

Decades ago, I listened to another military spouse sheepishly brag that she finally didn’t have to look at prices at the store after her husband made rank. I guess that’s a noble goal, to be able to purchase grocery needs and wants without regard to price or having a calculator in hand. I longed for that day.

And now, we are blessed with a larger food budget.

So, also over the years, I’ve fluctuated with quality versus price. I mean, generic products are often cheaper. But some brands are better than others.

We’re told to buy organic, but the labels often have no meaning or legal backing.

Not many coupons or deals exist for certain brands or organic foods. I use savings apps like these.

This post on social media struck me the other day:

I don’t buy all foods. Most people have foods they don’t buy for many reasons like:⁠

  • health⁠
  • medical⁠
  • cost⁠
  • accessibility ⁠
  • ethics⁠
  • culture & religion⁠
  • taste preferences⁠

⁠You don’t have to say “yes” to all foods. You don’t have to bring all foods into your home. I do caution against calling those foods “bad” though. There are so many kids out there telling their friends the food they are eating is bad. Not helpful. Additionally, if you call foods bad you are also setting up a “good food/bad food” category system in their brain. This can contribute to a complicated relationship with food in some people.

source: Kids Eat in Color on Facebook

I am not a dietician or nutritionist.

But I’m a mom who questions everything and I see the results when I feed my family junk or processed quick foods compared to whole foods.

It’s a constant battle in my head and heart that I want yummy and fun foods, but it’s often exhausting doing all the research to get heartbroken that foods in the USA are all produced by only a few humongous companies who only care about profit and not about people’s nutrition or overall health.

I want to make sure I’m nourishing my family. I know that nutrition is often the first line of defense in better health. I want my kids to grow and develop with the best foods I can afford, so they might be less prone to illnesses later in life.

I’m avoiding a lot of additives in foods that are illegal in countries other than the USA. It’s infuriating that I have to be aware and make changes in product choices that are in every grocery store and most of us have been buying for decades without ever realizing. And many foods that used to be OK a couple or few decades ago are now formulated more cheaply with worse ingredients.

When I go to the store, I tend to shop on the perimeter, where the real foods are: dairy, meats, produce.

Have you ever noticed the marketing and signage to get you to meander through the store, designed to lure you in (and especially children who are dazzled by the pretty labels).

What are some of the food additives that are considered fine for consumption in the USA?

Potassium bromate is a chemical additive commonly used to help strengthen dough and enhance the texture of baked goods. The International Agency for Research on Cancer considers it a possible human carcinogen, and the Center for Science in the Public Interest petitioned the F.D.A. to ban it nearly 20 years ago. This is one reason so many think they’re allergic or sensitive to gluten. It is seldom used in Europe. I buy unbromated flour for baking and we feel so much better! We notice if we use store-bought breads.

Azodicarbonamide, or azobisformamide, is used as a whitening agent in cereal flour and as a dough conditioner, breaks down during baking into chemicals that cause cancer in lab animals. It is used by many chain restaurants that serve sandwiches and buns. The Center for Science in the Public Interest has urged the F.D.A. to bar its use.

Brominated Vegetable Oil (BVO) is used in some citrus-flavored soft drinks like Mountain Dew and in some sports drinks to prevent separation of ingredients, but it is banned in Europe. It contains bromine, the element found in brominated flame retardants, and studies suggest it can build up in the body and can potentially lead to memory loss and skin and nerve problems.

Sudan or Azo Dyes – specifically Yellow food dyes No. 5 and No. 6, and Red Dye No. 40 can be used in foods sold in Europe, but the products must carry a warning saying the coloring agents “may have an adverse effect on activity and attention in children.” No such warning is required in the United States, though the Center for Science in the Public Interest petitioned the F.D.A. in 2008 to ban the dyes.

The European Union also bans bovine growth hormone, which the United States dairy industry uses to increase milk production. The European Union also does not allow the drug ractopamine, used in the United States to increase weight gain in pigs, cattle and turkeys before slaughter, saying that “risks to human health cannot be ruled out.”

Olestra is a fat substitute often used in diet products because it adds no calories to products. Please note also Margarine is not a good option.

Artificial sweeteners have also been tied to an increased risk for developing metabolic syndrome and related diseases such as diabetes and cardiovascular disease. Interestingly, high fructose corn syrup and white sugar are both equally unhealthy. Even some of the recommended sugar alternatives often cause allergies or sensitivities. We try to limit our sugar intake.

Seed oils are making us all sick. Seed oils are often found in ultra-processed foods, which can lead to inflammation and disease. Unlike traditional fats such as olive oil, coconut oil, butter, ghee, and lard, industrial seed oils are a very recent addition to the human diet. Read How Vegetable Oils Replaced Animal Fats in the American Diet. Soybeans were introduced to the United States in the 1930s, and by the 1950s, it had become the most popular vegetable oil in the country. Canola, corn, and safflower oils followed shortly after that. The low cost of these cooking oils, combined with strategic marketing on the part of the oil manufacturers, made them wildly popular in American kitchens. The oils extracted from soybeans, corn, cottonseed, safflower seeds, and rapeseeds must be refined, bleached, and deodorized before they are suitable for human consumption.

Glyphosate (Round-Up weed killer) causes cancer and yet it is not illegal to use or buy in the USA and is sprayed on food products like grains and seed oil crops that then get carried over into so many foods we eat. You should be concerned about this Glyphosate Contamination in Food List, including pasta, cereals, crackers, and more.

Glyphosate Facts:

  • Glyphosate is the key ingredient in Bayer/Monsanto’s signature herbicide Roundup. The World Health Organization and California state scientists have linked glyphosate to cancer.
  • At the time of writing this blog there are 42,000 plaintiffs suing Bayer over claiming glyphosate caused cancer.
  • The World Health Organization’s International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) ruled glyphosate a carcinogen. The IARC said that along with other Monsanto chemicals Roundup could cause Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s disease, autism, and cancer.
  • Americans have applied 1.8 million tons of glyphosate since its introduction in 1974.
  • Worldwide, 9.4 million tons of the chemical has been sprayed on fields – enough to spray nearly half a pound of Roundup on every cultivated acre of land in the world.
  • Globally, glyphosate use has risen almost 15-fold since so-called “Roundup Ready,” genetically engineered glyphosate-tolerant crops were introduced in 1996.
  • The mass-spraying of glyphosate has led to the explosion of resistant weeds, which have evolved to survive despite being sprayed. Already, weeds resistant to the herbicide are found on half of all-American farmers’ fields and are present on upward of 100 million acres of cultivated cropland.
  • In 1987, only 11 million pounds of the chemical were used on U.S. farms, but now nearly 300 million pounds of glyphosate are applied each year.

We try never to use plastic bottled drinks.

The per-and polyfluoroalkyl substances (PFAS) are a group of chemicals used to make coatings and products that resist heat, oil, stains, grease, and water – that can be in a variety of products, including food packaging and non-stick cooking surfaces. Many PFAS are a concern because they:

  • do not break down in the environment,
  • can move through soils and contaminate drinking water sources,
  • build up (bioaccumulate) in fish and wildlife.

PFAS are found in rivers and lakes and in many types of animals on land and in the water.

80% of Americans test positive for chemical found in Cheerios, Quaker Oats that may cause infertility, delayed puberty: study by Journal of Exposure Science & Environmental Epidemiology.

I’m trying to be really mindful of the brands and products we support.

My husband was in remission with Type 2 Diabetes for over a decade, but recently he has had to resume prescription medication. So, we are being much more conscious of how we eat. We hope he can go back into remission soon.

Recently I’ve been buying Organic Valley grassfed whole milk and half and half. If I can’t find that, I get Horizon.

We buy Kerrygold butter and it sure does make a difference. It’s a good deal at Sam’s Club or Costco.

We switched to Dave’s Killer Bread. Thankfully, it’s delicious and I sometimes find it on sale. I also make a lot of our own bread products with Montana wheat or King Arthur.

We buy three dozen farm eggs every week or so from my husband’s coworker. They are glorious with huge yolks, sometimes doubles!

I buy a lot of fresh and frozen fruits and vegetables. I am infuriated that wealthy celebrities are investing in varnishes to increase shelf life on foods that should be seasonal and temporary.

I keep a full pantry of pasta and rice and ingredients. We can our tomatoes every year. We make our own taco seasoning and other spice mixes.

We have a deep freezer full of meat that I stock up when I see good deals at the commissary or Kroger or Sam’s Club. I freeze bones from poultry or hams to make stock and I freeze the stock in bags for easy use in soups and stews.

I order lots of fish and seafood from KnowSeafood and encourage my family to try new flavors and textures.

I read ingredients and I research companies to make sure my dollars speak for our family’s choices and values.

I do loosely meal plan and it sometimes gets complicated with busy teen schedules, but I like to have good meals that will keep for a few hours if someone works late or has a sports practice.

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Best Books of 2023

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My Favorite Books I Read in 2023

I get a free eBook every month with Amazon Prime.

I love love love renting eBooks for Kindle or Libby from my local library.

I typically read about one book every week or two.

I love historical fiction and scifi.

I’ve read lots of books this year, but these stood out as my favorites.

Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

I highlighted so much of this book and I think about the messages and characters all the time. Heinlein is one of my favorite authors.

Raised by Martians on Mars, Valentine Michael Smith is a human who has never seen another member of his species. Sent to Earth, he is a stranger who must learn what it is to be a man. But his own beliefs and his powers far exceed the limits of humankind, and as he teaches them about grokking and water-sharing, he also inspires a transformation that will alter Earth’s inhabitants forever…

Master Class by Christina Dalcher

As a mother and educator, this book really resonated with me and I realize how easily we could slip down this slope in our society. It was very disturbing to me.

It’s impossible to know what you will do…

Every child’s potential is regularly determined by a standardized measurement: their quotient (Q). Score high enough, and attend a top tier school with a golden future. Score too low, and it’s off to a federal boarding school with limited prospects afterwards. The purpose? An improved society where education costs drop, teachers focus on the more promising students, and parents are happy.

When your child is taken from you.

Elena Fairchild is a teacher at one of the state’s elite schools. When her nine-year-old daughter bombs a monthly test and her Q score drops to a disastrously low level, she is immediately forced to leave her top school for a federal institution hundreds of miles away. As a teacher, Elena thought she understood the tiered educational system, but as a mother whose child is now gone, Elena’s perspective is changed forever. She just wants her daughter back.

And she will do the unthinkable to make it happen.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

This book really surprised me with all the connections and the shocking ending. I was actually surprised and that seldom happens!

Aging and reclusive Hollywood movie icon Evelyn Hugo is finally ready to tell the truth about her glamorous and scandalous life. But when she chooses unknown magazine reporter Monique Grant for the job, no one is more astounded than Monique herself. Why her? Why now?

Monique is not exactly on top of the world. Her husband has left her, and her professional life is going nowhere. Regardless of why Evelyn has selected her to write her biography, Monique is determined to use this opportunity to jumpstart her career.

Summoned to Evelyn’s luxurious apartment, Monique listens in fascination as the actress tells her story. From making her way to Los Angeles in the 1950s to her decision to leave show business in the ‘80s, and, of course, the seven husbands along the way, Evelyn unspools a tale of ruthless ambition, unexpected friendship, and a great forbidden love. Monique begins to feel a very real connection to the legendary star, but as Evelyn’s story near its conclusion, it becomes clear that her life intersects with Monique’s own in tragic and irreversible ways.

Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese

Such a poignant historical fiction across decades and continents. I learned a lot about this culture.

Marion and Shiva Stone are twin brothers born of a secret union between a beautiful Indian nun and a brash British surgeon. Orphaned by their mother’s death and their father’s disappearance, bound together by a preternatural connection and a shared fascination with medicine, the twins come of age as Ethiopia hovers on the brink of revolution.

Moving from Addis Ababa to New York City and back again, Cutting for Stone is an unforgettable story of love and betrayal, medicine and ordinary miracles—and two brothers whose fates are forever intertwined.

The Cemetery of Forgotten (4 book series) by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

The Shadow of the Wind, The Angel’s Game, The Prisoner of Heaven, The Labyrinth of the Spirits

I love how magical and literary these books are! I wish we had more from this author!

Book1 – Barcelona, 1945: A city slowly heals in the aftermath of the Spanish Civil War, and Daniel, an antiquarian book dealer’s son who mourns the loss of his mother, finds solace in a mysterious book entitled The Shadow of the Wind, by one Julián Carax. But when he sets out to find the author’s other works, he makes a shocking discovery: someone has been systematically destroying every copy of every book Carax has written. In fact, Daniel may have the last of Carax’s books in existence. Soon Daniel’s seemingly innocent quest opens a door into one of Barcelona’s darkest secrets—an epic story of murder, madness, and doomed love.

What was your favorite book this year?

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Dayton Photo Walk

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We often go downtown for Dragons baseball games and eating in nearby restaurants.

After living near Dayton for almost seven years, we still don’t feel familiar with the area and it was fun to explore a little bit.

My daughter is taking a photography class with CCP at a local university. One of her assignments is a roll of black and white film of downtown city buildings. We drove to Dayton and got some pretty neat photos and had a fun time walking around.

I snapped a few similar photos with my Google Pixel phone camera for reference.

It’s sad to see how desolate and empty the city is. Dayton is full of history, but it’s rundown and many businesses and industry have left to other states or countries in the past decade. The Arcade is getting rebuilt and it’s not open to the public every day so we didn’t get to see it.

Dayton experienced a dramatic rise in the early 20th century, but de facto racial segregation, a poorly educated labor force, and failed revitalization projects precipitated its decline through the turn of the 21st century.

Adam Millsap

We walked a little over three miles from Sinclair to Oregon district, in a rough square to get some interesting shaped buildings, reflections, and shadow/light combinations.

The weather was gorgeous: sunny, cloudless, 61.

Sacred Heart Catholic Church is listed on the National Register of Historic Places due to its unique architecture.

The Old Montgomery County Courthouse was built in 1847.

The Conover Building, also known as Wright Stop Plaza.

I love the contrast of colors and shapes with this Dayton RTA Wright Stop Station.

I love this view of the Conover Building with the other two buildings. They remind me of a child’s shapes puzzle.

Dayton Memorial Hall

There are fun murals on the sides of buildings.

Sir Winston Churchill Mural at the corner of Jefferson and 2nd.

I love the detail on this little cardinal!

Such a lovely painting and quotes on the side of the library.

We loved the Wagtown Dog Trail pawprints.

Liberty Tower was the tallest building in Dayton from 1931 to 1969.

My daughter easily filled up a 36 exposure roll of film on our walk and I can’t wait to see the results!

Dayton, Ohio, is known as the Birthplace of Aviation. Dayton is known as the home of many inventions. Some of most famous are aviation, the cash register, the hydraulic jump to prevent flooding, code-breaking machines that helped end World War II and the pop top. The Dayton Peace Accords signed at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in 1995, ended the Bosnian War.

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Standing Alone

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I am lost in an individualist society.

I have no support system.

I have no family.

I have no friends.

I don’t even have acquaintances.

I attended public school and lived in the same house from birth until I was 16 years old, surrounded by peers and family – aunts and cousins. My classmates all lived within a certain small radius and many attended each other’s birthday parties. I played outside with a whole gang of multi-aged kids after school and on summer breaks.

Everyone I knew existed along the same plane, a similar demographic. There weren’t so many comparisons since there was no Internet, except maybe on Christmas and birthdays, when some kids got the big presents or name brand things…and others did not. But we didn’t really stress that much over it, and I remember more generosity and compassion then than there is now.

Perhaps it was just a bubble that burst when I grew older.

I grew and gradually felt more distance between myself and my peers. It’s like they had a linear trajectory and mine has been an absolute tangle.

And it’s like people slept through their young adult years, but never really woke up. They coast along, oblivious to anything that does not directly affect them. Why would they want to think about it? They’re not awake to anything except their daily grind. They’re so individual. They don’t notice others.

And so little does directly affect rich healthy white people.

There is no therapying away the troubles our USAian society has created and perpetuates. It’s systemic and I see little to no change in our future. We could have tackled racism and sexism and fought the patriarchy. We had the lovely opportunity to make vast revolutionary improvements during COVID and we failed, y’all.

I am constantly angry, upset, saddened by the news around the world – and by everyone being oblivious to it all. And all the information is always at our fingertips, so we are just bombarded with all the news, all the time. It was different and I know I was sheltered as a child. But I still felt all the feelings so big all the time, even then. It’s overwhelming.

I have four kids, ages 13-23. I am a horrible role model for them developing friendships. But I do know how healthy relationships should work.

When my kids were little, it was a bit easier. We could go to parks or homeschool events and kids would just congregate together and play and it was all very low-key. We didn’t have to plan much. There were no real playdates. I would listen to the moms’ conversations, but I never really had much to contribute. I would observe and learn. Almost always, I would say or do the wrong thing. I never felt accepted or included. Those moms didn’t really want to hear anything I had to say. They didn’t want to think or feel. Their conversations were always shallow – about entertainment or mothering issues or marriage troubles. It was always negative and never intellectual in any way.

It didn’t help that we moved frequently with the military. My kids feel hollow and struggle now that we are “settled” and have lived here for six years. They still don’t know how to make friends that feel permanent. I worry they will always feel transient.

I’ve been accused of being excessively angry and I have lost jobs over being too blunt. I don’t see the point of sugarcoating anything. Yet, I deliberate constantly over my word choice and tone. It seems that I never can say the right thing in the right way.

We do feel jealousy about people who have friends and family and have lived in their place essentially their whole lives.

I can only do so much within my own household. Everyone needs support.

Where do we get these relationships? Where is our village? Where are our friends?

from Facebook

How do I develop trust? How do I find time to nurture a friendship? It seems daunting.

And how do I learn to love others when I feel so unlovable?

My parents told me that no one would ever love me like they do.

While this seems like a wonderful, loving, caring sentiment, it is actually very toxic.

What my parents taught me while I was growing up, sometimes verbally out loud, other times subliminally by their actions, moods, reactions, and body language – is that I am worthless.

They made me believe that I couldn’t do anything right, that only my performance mattered, but it was never good enough. They complained about my appearance. They complained about my school grades. They complained I would isolate and read books. They complained if I wanted to go out. They complain if I asked for something for a holiday – even if they ask me what I want; that was not in their script.

My parents talked ill of all my extended family members. No one was a good person – my grandmothers, deceased grandfathers, my aunts, uncles, cousins. They all have fundamental problems. My parents act like they were superior in every way. As an only child, I had no one to compare my life since I was all alone. It’s been shocking to hear truths from my cousins about my parents now that I am an adult.

I was never taught how to have a relationship outside of my parents.

“There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first; when you learn to live for others, they will live for you.”

― Paramahansa Yogananda

I learned that any friendship should be lightweight because it took me away from my parents which was so selfish. When I was a teen, any boyfriend was a potential predator and I was just wasting my time anyway. It was selfish of me wanting to go out instead of staying in the house with my parents. They encouraged me to get a part-time job, but complained about my schedule. They complained when I cooked meals, but they wanted only to eat microwave dinners that I loathe.

After my suicide attempt, they really doubled down on the idea that of course no one could really love me, that they were only using me.

They taught me that they held my puppet strings and would never, ever cut those strings to allow me to be independent.

So, why is it a surprise that I learned how to be self-reliant?

I stand alone. I always have.

We are amused by and we idolize books and films and shows that portray INTJ or neurodivergent women, but no onet really wants to navigate relationships with them in real life. Wednesday Addams and Elizabeth Zott in Lessons in Chemistry are portrayed rather positively, but most are villains or bad girls.

I absolutely love and get very emotional about The Crab Scene from the Joy Luck Club. We are too often unseen and misunderstood by even the other women in our lives.

There are lessons and warnings in the old fairy tales. The “witch” seeks to capture and steal from her daughter, the “princess” her youth and beauty instead of embracing their own transition, wisdom, age, beauty in a different, less conventional or socially acceptable way.

Is a woman’s worth only in her youth, beauty, and men’s desire?

Is it any wonder that women are encouraged to pretend they’re still young and fuckable with hormone therapy, hysterectomies, mood enhancing drugs, Botox, expensive skin creams, shapewear, and all the physically, mentally, psychologically altering items we are marketed?

The Internet has brought us together in ways we couldn’t be together geographically. But, it also isolates many in the various accomodations the Internet offers. We don’t have to leave our homes to interact with others at all if we choose not to do so. There’s certainly a loss to barter for the convenience.

In my local city Facebook Moms Group, I usually lurk and read…and judge. So, so many moms post anonymously and I get that. They know they will be judged less harshly if they maintain their anonymity. The thing is that so many moms do not have any support networks and we do all judge each other way too much.

“How do you manage a relationship with in laws who don’t like you when there is children involved?”

There are 62 comments and counting. Many commenters have zero contact with family members and others have really tricky complicated relationships.

Another women’s Facebook group I’m in had a commenter mention that she was experiencing sorrow and grief making the transition to older motherhood. She realizes she will never have another baby and she is embarrassed to feel jealousy over her eldest daughter’s pregnancy. She had nowhere else to express herself other than a exercise/weight loss group! Thankfully, the mods didn’t remove the post and I am pleased by all the comments supporting and comforting and grieving with her.

Y’all, OMG we need to discuss these life experiences and transitions that women face without shame and with more love and compassion and comradery.

Our society doesn’t condone appreciating or honoring our elders. I see articles, art, movies and shows, and memes perpetuating and encouraging the younger generations to ridicule and humiliate the older generations. Sure, many refuse to grow or adapt or learn and stick to old ways that are outdated or harmful, but many of us long to bridge the gaps and help everyone rise up together.

So, so many of us didn’t get to witness our mothers, aunties, grandmothers experience feelings of loss or transition or growth or aging in any way, and certainly not in healthy ways.

Being a mother is very lonely.

While I often stand alone for my values and beliefs, it’s sad to always stand alone.

It is an honor to grow and age and transition into an elder lady with wisdom for the younger women.

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Dayton MetroParks

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We love exploring the Dayton Metroparks: hiking, fishing, wildlife.

It’s great that we have so many options that are mostly free or frugal family friendly natural outings.

There are only a couple of these parks we have not visited, but we’ve only lived in Ohio for 6.5 years. There are a few we visited and surprisingly didn’t get any pictures! I think we were all busy oohing and aahing over flowers, rocks, leaves, or wildlife.

The Dayton Metropark 19 facilities are:

  1. Aullwood Garden MetroPark, Englewood
  2. Carriage Hill MetroPark, Huber Heights
  3. Cox Arboretum and Gardens MetroPark, Dayton
  4. Deeds Point MetroPark, Dayton
  5. Eastwood MetroPark, Riverside
  6. Englewood MetroPark, Englewood
  7. Germantown MetroPark, Germantown
  8. Hills & Dales MetroPark, Kettering
  9. Huffman MetroPark, Fairborn
  10. Island MetroPark, Dayton
  11. Possum Creek MetroPark, Dayton
  12. RiverScape MetroPark, Dayton
  13. 2nd Street Market, Dayton
  14. Sugarcreek MetroPark, Sugarcreek Township
  15. Sunrise MetroPark, Dayton
  16. Taylorsville MetroPark, Vandalia
  17. Twin Creek MetroPark, Germantown
  18. Wegerzyn Gardens MetroPark, Dayton
  19. Wesleyan MetroPark, Dayton

The Metropark 8 conservation areas include:

  • Dull Woods Conservation Area
  • Medlar Conservation Area
  • Needmore Conservation Area
  • Pigeye Conservation Area
  • Sandridge Prairie Conservation Area
  • Shiloh Woods Conservation Area
  • Twin Valley Conservation Area
  • Woodman Fen Conservation Area

I know my kids have seen some of these areas and I’m planning to explore the conservation areas with them soon.

Some of our Favorite Metroparks:

Cox Arboretum

We’ve been to Cox Arboretum many, many times. It’s nearby and so lovely in every season.

I even made it up the treehouse tower once! I’m terrified of heights.

We love the gardens, prairies, and walking paths into the woods.

Tori and I really enjoyed attending some of the Eco Talks at Cox Arboretum this past year.

Taylorsville

We love the easy three mile hike along the river with pretty wildflower and rock formations at Taylorsville Park.

The first time we went, we got a little lost on our way back to the parking lot. We missed the sign with the right arrow and direction and then it started pouring down rain, so now the park is nicknamed That Park We Missed the Turn.

Germantown

We’ve been to the Germantown park several times over the years. It’s just so pretty. It might be our absolute favorite with so many different views and ecosystems.

We love the prairie, high view, and Bob Siebenthaler Natural Area.

We love the big trees and creek.

There are several places to park for different trailheads and some cool fishing spots!

Twin Creek

Twin Creek park is nice and very similar and close to Germantown.

We enjoyed seeing the Hopewell Mound.

Huffman

We really love the Huffman park and there are two main parts – the dam walkway and around the pond. We’ve been a few times and it’s always lovely.

Possum Creek

We’ve only been to the Possum Creek park once and it was such a lovely day!

It’s really interesting it used to be the former Argonne Forest amusement park and there are placards explaining the ruins. 

Sugarcreek

Alex and I hiked in Sugarcreek Park and saw the fun Osage Orange tunnel and Three Sisters!

We love hiking and exploring nature, and I’m so pleased we still go often as a family now that my kids are teens and growing up and getting so busy.

I want us all to remain active as we grow older – it’s good for our health!

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Midlife Crisis

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There is no such thing as spiritual warfare the way the evangelicals want us to believe. I spent too many years thinking that everything wrong or bad that happened in my life was the result of demonic powers or a negative spirit world. It created a lot of stress, but also releases a lot of people from any responsibility for their actions or reactions.

Obviously, young people are prone to doing stupid things. They’re expected to make mistakes and their youth and inexperience justifies poor decisions. This is the reason why auto insurance is so high until we’re age 25. Our brains aren’t developed enough yet to make wise decisions.

But there comes a point when we should be older and wiser.

There are many who get older, but not wiser.

There are healthy decisions and unhealthy decisions. As we get older and more mature, we tend to want to remove the chaff from the wheat of our lives. We realize what is truly important and we begin to weed out the toxins and streamline what and where we want our focus.

If we had smoother beginnings, then that point may come sooner rather than later or take an easier transition.

My husband and his two sisters had an idyllic life growing up, oblivious to anything negative in their little bubbles on their midwest farm, with their parents both teachers, and grandparents nearby. I like to joke that they had perfect linear trajectories with few blips. But I don’t see a lot of growth in them, since they’ve never know any real adversity.

I am jealous that my trajectory was a big squiggle. I am furious that my kids don’t have any extended family, but here we are, now.

We all know the cliché of the midlife crisis – when men buy a sports car and seek a divorce from the mother of the children to pursue a younger, more exciting woman, desperately trying to hold on to their youth or some idealized versions of themselves from high school or college.

This is a shallow idea of what a midlife crisis could be.

Not everyone goes out and blows a lot of money on a sports car. Not everyone divorces and gets a newer younger model spouse. Not everyone changes careers or moves across the country or world to start anew. Sometimes, it’s quieter, more internal turmoil.

When we reach our midpoint in life – and that period is surely different for everyone – we begin to analyze everything. The results are vastly different from individual to individual.

Autumn Living

The word crisis comes from the Greek κρίνω krinō, which means “distinguish, choose, decide” or “to separate, to sift” or “to pass judgement, to keep only what is worth while.”

Many of us experience multiple coinciding midlife crises – several all at once – and it creates a lot of stress if we don’t know how to approach these changes.

In the USA, the word crisis may seem like a negative one. We may prefer to express this stage of our lives as autumnal. We have surely lived through the spring and summer years, and we are beginning to slow down and dig deeper into the meanings and connections we have made in ourselves.

Maybe growing older is about taking risks and not living in fear.

Women’s bodies are amazing and I think that perimenopause is a bossy invitation to midlife women to stop putting ourselves last and to tell the truth about what we truly want for the years we have left.

A Life in Progress

Physical

The metabolism slows down.

Weight appears out of nowhere and decides to stick around. My knees crackle and pop and my feet and ankles hurt much of the time.

I’m learning that some foods and drinks affect my body adversely, so they need to be limited or cut out entirely. And it’s sad that I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted!

I now have to be mindful of my diet and exercise more and differently to maintain health and reduce joint pain.

Spiritual

We should be maturing spiritually, but I’m sad to see so many people holding onto static beliefs and negative feelings when they should be embracing more expansion in love and tolerance.

We stopped attending church because no one was growing and it just continued to become frustrating and then dangerous to expose our family to such hateful ideology.

I read constantly and expose myself to dissenting views because I want to grow. I want to be challenged.

Financial

Ironically, many people are in the top of their career and income earning years, just as kids are becoming more independent and needing fewer material goods.

This is a great time to review investments and plan better for retirement, limit and reduce unsecured debt, and set up or continue college accounts and trust funds for children and grandchildren.

I don’t agree at all with the people who want their kids to suffer because they suffered. I grew up in a lower income working class family. I have know educational and consumer debt. I struggled some months which bill to pay and which to gamble with until another month, even with late fees. I want my kids to be free of financial strain.

Retirement

It’s often a frightening time to approach retirement after decades of job security and the patterns of working regularly.

Many experience depression without the routine they’re used to having. They miss being needed.

When the schedule slows down, it becomes glaringly obvious that there isn’t enough wholesome or interesting activity to fill the time.

It’s a good time to renew hobbies or explore new interests.

Family

For many of us in our midlife years, we are simultaneously dealing with aging parents and fledgling adult children.

I am heartbroken that our families have chosen not to maintain a relationship with us. Out of sight, out of mind. My kids don’t know their grandparents or aunts.

Whereas my parents were and are very out of touch with me and popular culture, I strive to keep up with trends so I know what my kids are interested in and exposed to. I do refuse to get SnapChat or TikTok, but my kids send me the fun clips they know I like and I can see them posted on other forms of social media. I follow accounts and read articles and watch movies and shows that challenge me and keep me up to date. Urban Dictionary is my friend when I don’t understand a new slang term or concept!

Social-Emotional

We begin or continue to examine ourselves and our pasts to ensure a better future for ourselves and our families.

I read and commune with nature. I enjoy the arts. I grow.

I try to limit stress. I don’t like to be rushed. I am able to plan and be proactive.

We all have regrets.

We should desire to make amends.

We sometimes burn bridges.

We end generational trauma.

Two of my kids are in therapy. I have tried therapy many times for myself.

What I would prefer at this point is revolution.

At 47.5 years, I’m seeing myself quite alone in my journey and it sometimes saddens me.

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