Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Burr Oak Review

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We have been wanting to get out and explore some natural wonders of Ohio and I’m so glad we chose Burr Oak!

We haven’t gone on a real trip in so long.

There have been significant obstacles to our traveling these last few years: various unexpected expenses, sprained ankles and a broken leg!, COVID restrictions, my husband’s retirement and new job, extracurricular classes, my son’s elite baseball schedule, and my teen’s part-time job.

While waiting for a time of calm, I realized I just had to jump at a weekend that looked somewhat open and have my people ask off work for a few days.

We rented a cabin at Burr Oak National Park.

My husband actually called them to book the reservation after I had trouble with their online site. They have lots of deals for veterans and teachers and we got a free night for staying three nights. There are fun packages too.

We drove through Hocking Hills and hit three major sites on the way to our cabin.

The cabins are newly remodeled and worked fine for us.

One bedroom with a queen bed and another bedroom with two bunk sets. The one bathroom was small but it worked out. We never have enough towels and there was nowhere to really hang them.

There’s a lovely screened in back porch with a little cast iron bistro table and two chairs and I ate my breakfast our there every morning.

We brought some basics to make meals just like we eat at home. I brought my rice cooker, water cooker and teapot for tea, and my favorite frying pan and knives. My husband brought his pour-over for his coffee. We brought olive oil, an onion, minced garlic, butter, and salt, pepper, and Italian spice grinders. I now know to bring lemon juice next time. We missed it.

I packed coolers with marinated meats for the grill and zucchini from our garden. We had burgers and dogs with chips, Asian steak and rice, and chicken breasts with boiled potatoes.

We brought room temp farm eggs from our egg lady, bacon and sausage, and pancake mix for breakfasts.

The kitchen was ok. I don’t mind hand washing dishes. The stove and oven worked great. There weren’t any spatulas and we don’t like plastic cups. There was no bakeware so I had to buy some aluminum pans.

We went to the little Kroger in the nearby town of Glouster and bought sponges and cups and spatulas. We got fixings for sandwiches and salad and donuts.

We rented a pontoon and kayaks. Neither my kids nor my husband had ever been boating and they all loved it! They are first come, first served, so it’s best to get to the rental dock early. We got the last pontoon and kayaks our second day – whew!

The lake is lovely and easy to navigate for beginners. The lodge had a beautiful view from the deck and from the water.

We saw so many herons – blue and green! We saw ducks and turtles. The American lilies were in bloom. We even saw an osprey dive down for a fish!

Tori and I kayaked all over the lake, and then we met up with my husband and other two kids in the pontoon for lunch.

We were so tickled by this picnic table right in the lake by a tiny little sandy beach. It was a perfect spot to rest for a bit.

Akantha and Alex wanted to try the kayaks and they realized very quickly how much work it is!

We were all so excited to see the American water lilies in bloom. They smell heavenly and are a lovely source of food for their lotus pods with seeds, and their roots.

The lily pads are HUGE. Like humongous, some almost a yard across. They float but are attached to their tuber root down in the mud.

The white lilies have long stalks above the water.

The pink lilies have shorter stalks and there is another much smaller lily in among the big ones that might be a different species.

Tori caught the only fish from the pontoon, when we anchored near the lilies. She was proud of this catfish and I taught them how to remove it without getting stung – by wrapping him in a towel. He was a feisty bugger.

I used to fish from boats and shore at Lake Allatoona every summer with my Aunt Betty and she taught me everything she knew.

Our last evening, we fished off the little dock by the lodge and Alex caught fish after fish – all little ones but he was so happy!

While we ate our dinners in our cabin, I took the kids to the lodge restaurant for cake after dinner and we got to enjoy the view and sunset. There’s a full bar and the bartender is just lovely. The wait staff gets a little overwhelmed. The menu has pizza and barbecue and apparently a lovely breakfast bar on weekends.

We enjoyed our short time at Burr Oak and it was a lovely respite after COVID restrictions and isolation and a last hurrah before the hustle and bustle of autumn.

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Hocking Hills

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I have wanted to see Hocking Hills since before we even moved to Ohio. So, about six or more years now.

It’s just far enough away that we didn’t think we could swing it in a day trip. Three hours there, hiking all day, then three hours home? Whew!

I have looked to no avail for a cabin to rent that didn’t break the bank and could house all of us. I prefer to have a kitchen and separate bedrooms instead of renting two hotel rooms and it’s usually cheaper. I’ve seen so many cabins for 4, but so few for 5 or more. And all the cabins book up really fast and I couldn’t figure out how to plan that far ahead with our busy schedules.

There have been significant obstacles to our traveling these last few years: various unexpected expenses, sprained ankles and a broken leg!, COVID restrictions, my husband’s retirement and new job, extracurricular classes, my son’s elite baseball schedule, and my teen’s part-time job.

I will say that traveling with teens and older kids is so much fun and I love that they’re independent and don’t need me as constantly as when they were younger.

Luckily, I found a cabin for a long weekend at Burr Oak, and we planned to drive out early and hit some major Hocking Hills sites before checking in.

I recommend downloading or screenshotting maps since cell service is spotty in the area.

We parked at three trail heads to easily access the sites.

Ash Cave

The parking lot was very tight and full of deep pot holes full of water.

There were only permanent portapotties.

There is a very nice pavilion with grills.

The path to the cave is paved and signs say one-way, but if you have a stroller or accessibility issues, you have to return this way.

It was really exciting when we caught our first view of the magnitude of this rocky cave from the path.

We climbed up the stairs and returned on the treacherous high path through the woods.

Cedar Falls

The paved parking lot is nice at Cedar Falls trailhead.

There are real bathrooms that seem pretty well-kept.

The wide walkway was really beautiful and full of ferns and mushrooms. There was one big muddy stretch and we had to climb up and over to the side by some rocks and tree roots or risk getting completely muddy and stuck.

The views were really beautiful and we took a long time here looking at all the plants and bugs.

Old Man’s Cave

This site is right off the huge paved parking area for the Hocking Hills visitor center.

The shop wasn’t great. There are fun activities inside for little kids. There are great bathrooms. There are park rangers with maps and info at a desk. It’s a pretty center.

The trailheads weren’t well-marked and we wanted the quickest option since we were tired and this was our last stop.

To be honest, this was disappointing after seeing Ash Cave and Cedar Falls.

We could almost view it from the parking lot. We walked the short way in to get some pictures and went right back to our car. I mean, it’s pretty, but we were glad it was our last stop and we loved the other sites so much more.

Hocking Hills is a beautiful region and I would love to see the leaves in autumn. We hope to return to see some other sites now that we are more familiar with the area.

We stayed at a Burr Oak cabin and that was cost effective and easy for us this time around.

Linking up: Eclectic Red Barn, God’s Growing Garden, Shelbee on the Edge, OMHG, LouLou Girls, Jenerally Informed, Pinch of Joy, Create with Joy, Mostly Blogging, Suburbia, Silverado, Grammy’s Grid, Ridge Haven, Simply Coffee, Pieced Pastimes, Pam’s Party, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, CWJ, Being a Wordsmith, Modern Monticello, Slices of Life Katherine’s Corner, Penny’s Passion, Homestead, Fluster Buster, Ducks in a Row, Random Musings,

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Succeeding in College

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My middle two kids began university this week with CCP. They’re commuting to a local university for a three classes for the very first time. They’re 15 and 16 years old. They’ve never attended school before!

While on one hand I feel that I prepared them well for post-high school opportunities, on the other hand, I am terrified that I missed some huge important task or skill that we will have to struggle to make up for that might make their lives difficult.

I lie awake at night checking off my list of what I want them to know.

My eldest did CCP and a year or so of university before COVID, then the school faculty and staff went on strike and she quit rather than do online classes. She may go back someday or she may not. While I do feel I prepared her well, I also know there were some gaps, and our relationship suffered. She didn’t want my help and I was desperate to give it. I have regrets.

I am a first generation college graduate. It was a struggle for me to navigate that world and I feel I missed out on a whole lot due to lack of experience, knowledge, support. I store up information to impart to my kids so they know what to expect.

My husband came from academic parents and both his sisters are teachers. His middle sister’s husband is also a teacher. They all have master’s degrees, as do I. I expect our kids to fare pretty well in the academic world and possibly get graduate degrees.

College Tips for Success

Read the syllabus. Honestly. Keep up with assignments and don’t fall behind. That’s the most of it.

Class Participation

My kids have gotten multiple emails from their uni and there are notes in each of their course syllabi about participating in class for a percentage of their grade.

Some of this is just showing up on time and staying in class and paying attention.

Some is actively participating in class discussion, asking questions, etc.

Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but it is important to get that 10% of the grade and to learn how to effectively communicate.

Also, please keep phones silent or off and away during class time! It’s rude to eat or be on phones during class.

Study Skills

My homeschooled kids have never taken a test nor really had to practice study skills, so we are taking a crash course on note taking and how to manage quizzes and exams.

I realize most of middle and high school involves just learning how to learn and how to study, all those questions at the ends of chapters and vocabulary lists to define – busy work.

I explained to my kids that any questions in their textbooks are study opportunities and they should complete those and also write outlines of the assigned chapters.

There are several notetaking options that are helpful. I like outlines and the Cornell method.

Some professors prefer the students listen to the lecture and participate in discussion while others encourage note-taking during class.

My kids took their first quiz and aced it and are taking great notes, according to the student instructors. They’re excited about the homework assignments and are enjoying classes!

Study Tips

  • Pomodoro Technique: The key to avoiding burnout is to study for no longer than 25 minutes, then take a five-minute break. Repeat this four times and then take a 30-minute break.
  • Record yourself reading your notes aloud and listen to the recording multiple times leading up to an exam.
  • Using different colored note cards for concepts and vocabulary and placing them all over your living space or use in a game format.
  • Use Apple Pencil to enter text in Notes, Notability, OneNote, or Scribble apps

Time Management

Be realistic about how early to get up and how late to stay in class. We chose the earliest class at 10 AM and latest ends about 1:30. There are also labs and study sessions that eat up a lot of time online or in person.

Everything is online now. It’s so different than when I attended university. There’s a server storing all the course info and it propagates to a handy calendar.

I encourage my kids to do a little bit each day for each course so they don’t get overwhelmed or fall behind. Studying and reading and completing homework takes up a lot of time, but chunking it into smaller bites makes it more manageable.

Bigger assignments can be chunked into smaller bites too. Outlining and rough drafts before the final essay.

Social activities, extracurriculars, and part-time jobs are important, but maybe need to take a backseat to the academics for a couple weeks until the schedule feels more comfortable.

Setting priorities helps to alleviate anxiety and fear of missing out.

Communication

It’s very important to keep up with communication. The school, professors, student assistant instructors, and others send out emails every day with important information.

I had my kids get the Outlook app on their devices with their university emails and encourage them to check it every morning.

Professors are usually great about replying to emails. Ask questions! Get clarification! Most professors want you to succeed and encourage active communication via email or office hours.

It’s also useful to share contact info with classmates for emergencies or help.

Being proactive is a must. Of course, we can’t help it if we get sick, but missing classes can be a problem. Most professors understand but require a doctor’s note after a couple missed classes. This is not the time nor place for the adage, “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.”

It’s important for the students to learn how to communicate in an adult world. Parents can’t jump in and help anymore.

Using Services

Attend the study group sessions.

Get familiar with the writing lab.

Use the tutoring services.

Learn how to navigate the library.

These services exist to help students and they are usually free and open to anyone attending classes.

Some universities even offer mental health professional services to students for a small fee, and that’s often cheaper and easier than the usual copays. There are also disability offices and waivers that may be helpful.

Stay Healthy

Eating well and getting enough sleep can sometimes be more difficult with a busy schedule.

Since my kids are commuting, I get up earlier to make sure they have a good breakfast. It’s unusual for us to have alarms and it’s been a bit rough.

I make and pack snacks and sandwiches three days a week when they have longer days. Here are some of our favorite lunch storage options.

We have lunch together on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

We all still have dinners together.

I am concerned about purchasing meal plans when and if my kids go away to college in 2-3 years. Also, packing lots and lots of snacks and quick meals and hydrating drinks to keep in their dorms. I’ve also read about horror stories of moldy AC units and on-campus restaurants being closed.

Packing raincoats and umbrellas, even a change of clothes, and extra period products in the car for emergencies is a good idea too.

It’s hard having our kids growing up and away and becoming young adults. I feel they’re ready even if I still try to anticipate any little thing and long to help.

I joined a parent support group on Facebook that has lots of info and question/answer for parents of students at the university my kids attend. It’s helpful and I’ve learned a lot of things I wouldn’t have thought about.

School Supplies my College Kids Love:

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No Compromise

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I have tried and tried and tried to make sure my kids know how to navigate healthy relationships in spite of their not having a good role model in me.

I don’t have any friends.

My kids don’t have many friends, and even fewer IRL.

I’m so proud of how kind and helpful and compassionate my children are.

I dream and hope and pray that my children find others who are also kind and compassionate and emotionally healthy. I don’t want them to live their lives alone.

Over the years, I have confronted parents whose children bullied mine. There were a few very scary and dangerous situations that went largely unresolved because of our society’s mantras and the parents’ and groups’ mentality of “boys will be boys” or “they’re just kids.”

For a long time I did try to give those kids the benefit of the doubt and also coach my kids how to handle situations on their own. I don’t like stepping in unless I really have to, and it never helps; it only makes things worse and burns bridges.

It’s also not my job to correct a child who is sexist, racist, ableist, hateful, or just mean. I realize they’re just spouting what they hear from parents and teachers and church leaders. Perhaps a child will grow and learn to question his family’s values and evolve into a better person, perhaps not.

I focus on protecting my child rather than educating yours.

So, we’ve had longs seasons of few or no friends and we look forward to starting over when we move, but we’re settled now and ready to put down roots.

We were excited to meet new people and make new friends when we moved to Ohio about five years ago.

The first neighborhood boy who met us when we had a lemonade stand a few weeks after we settled in seemed great at first.

No one else on our street would play with him and they ignored our kids when he was with them. I assumed the issue was the other kids. A few boys were very mean to mine and we learned to avoid them and whew, that memory is alive and well no matter how those boys have grown up and maybe regret or matured and try to make amends.

The boy seemed always polite to me, mature, made eye contact, and told jokes. My kids like him and we all seemed to get along fine.

He was never allowed in our house or backyard. I respected his parents’ rules, but I thought it was a little weird. They didn’t want to have a relationship with me and we only waved or said hi in passing. My kids said they seemed very strict and they didn’t go inside his house either, but would be invited to his backyard inground pool in summer.

I found out the boy was expelled from our district school for fighting. He attends a private conservative Christian school. He mentioned he was bullied and it led to the fight. I don’t really know details. Perhaps it’s as he says. His family attends a conservative Christian church.

He and my kids all wore themed costumes for Halloween for four years. Last year, my kids said he wasn’t trick or treating with them and they hedged when I asked why. They said he had bad grades and was going with his sister so we waved when we saw him across the street.

He stopped coming by and my kids didn’t go to his house and stopped talking about him. I thought I’ll never have the entire story and it was very sad.

COVID happened and it was hard for everyone. My son especially suffered when all the neighborhood boys still played together and even came to our door constantly to ask for my son, but we isolated and stayed inside. It was a scary time and I had to complain to some parents that we didn’t want their kids to keep coming to our door. It wasn’t my job to tell those kids why.

After lockdown, my kids admitted that the boy said some very hateful things and they made a decision to stop socializing with him.

He told my kids they were going to hell for being gay and trans – only cishet Christian people won’t go to hell. He said all Muslims should be exported or killed and that they were going to hell for terrorism; they’re all terrorists. I was horrified by this! It sounded like some old white man watching Fox News, not some 14 year old Puerto Rican boy. My kids didn’t want me to know until a lot of time had passed because they didn’t want me to confront him or his parents. I’m not even sure how I would confront people who believe these things and it surely wouldn’t matter whatever I could say.

I’m so proud that my kids chose not to continue that relationship. They don’t want to compromise their values or put themselves in awkward positions just to play cards or swim in his pool. I can’t say that I would have been that mature or self-preserving at their age.

My kids chose to protect each other.

At least there is some closure.

He has the audacity to wave at us when he’s riding his bike and we’re on our evening walks. I wonder what the story is that he tells himself. What do his parents know or choose not to realize? Do they even wonder why they’re no longer friends?

My children are 12, 15, 16, and 21. I’m so happy to see my kids making friends through homeschool activities, from their extracurricular events, camp, volunteering, and work. They’ve met some lovely people IRL that they were introduced to online.

I was so worried my children wouldn’t know how to navigate friendships because I don’t model that, but they’re capable of handling themselves so well in social environments!

It’s always been hard for me to make friends and maintain those friendships. I’m in awe that I haven’t ruined my children with my inability to be social. They’re blossoming and growing and being healthy in spite of me!

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Regret

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What is your greatest regret?

Does it keep you awake at night?

Do you regret that romantic encounter?

Do you regret something you said?

Do you have regrets for others? Secondhand embarrassment is real and I suffer.

We usually regret something left undone, rarer the accomplished tasks.

What derailed your dreams?

Where did your intention go?

Who failed you?

Do you fear?

Are you angry?

Do you hear?

Listen.

Your walls are ever before me.

Isaiah 49:16

Walls are a protective shield. They’re not necessarily good or bad. They’re neutral.

I have built up more walls than I care to think about.

I build them up. I tear them down. I build them back up.

God tears them down. People knock and try to peer inside.

I build a wall of fear.

I build a wall of distrust.

I build a wall of doubt.

I build a wall of low self-esteem.

I build a wall of anger.

I build a wall of grief.

I’m tired of walls.

When I began blogging back in about 2005, it was more a scrapbook our homeschooling.

We have evolved and come full circle and continue to grow in our family and homeschooling journey.

When I began homeschooling, I had no idea the heartache and challenges and soul-swelling that I would undergo as I learned to step back and watch my kids explore in spite of me and my trauma.

I live in that liminal space between hope and despair, clarity and confusion, resolve and surrender.

Amazingly, I am able to recognize and catch glimpses of harmony in the hell that is military life and the thanklessness of being a housewife and parenting teens.

The zen view is something you glimpse in passing and that comes as a surprise—to wake you to the moment and a flash of hidden truth.

Rivvy Neshama

The last few years could have broken me had I not stepped back to see a bigger picture. I had to learn not to take things personally. I have had to re-parent myself. I have had to give myself timeouts and rest and relearn and shut my mouth. I had to be alone in my grief and work it out inside myself.

After years of survival mode, I suddenly felt lost and alone and almost at rest, so there was too much time to think, feel, wonder, regret.

I had to set hard boundaries with my parents and they stopped communicating with me altogether.

My eldest child and therapist asked me why I stay with my husband. It surely seems like an easy question from young, single, independent women. I have never been that.

I feel that I failed my eldest child all her life, and recently she moved out and quit college. What could I have done better, more, different – to set her up for success? What will her future hold now? She’s had COVID twice. She has so many financial worries that I didn’t want her to experience.

I’m twice divorced from abusive men. I escaped. I don’t know if I would have had the strength merely to save myself. I rescued my daughter. There were situations no one can understand but me.

This man is not abusive. He’s neglectful. He’s often thoughtless. I feel I change and evolve and grow while he is stagnant. There are way worse sins than being boring.

We have history. We have duty.

We share eighteen years of highs, lows, depths, cross-country moves, deployments, births, deaths, sickness, pain, joy.

Our society encourages everything and everyone to be disposable.

I’ll stay and wait and see what’s next.

I don’t like the alternatives.

She had always thought that exquisitely happy time at the beginning of her relationship…was the ultimate, the feeling they’d always be trying to replicate, to get back, but now she realized that was wrong. That was like comparing sparkling mineral water to French champagne. Early love is exciting and exhilarating. It’s light and bubbly. Anyone can love like that. But love after [four] children, after a separation and a near-divorce, after you’ve hurt each other and forgiven each other, bored each other and surprised each other, after you’ve seen the worst and the best—well, that sort of a love is ineffable. It deserves its own word…It was so good to find that their relationship could keep on changing, finding new edges.

Liane Moriarty

I know under certain circumstances I had so few good choices and I chose what I felt was best at the time. I might even choose the same again if I could go back with what I know now. Who knows?

This is who I am and those choices molded me into this person. Do I really want to be someone else?

I can’t continue to twist and turn and lie awake at night in anxiety of what I should have done, should have said. It’s over and done and there’s no going back. We have to keep moving forward. We have to seek the blessings and stand firm on hallowed ground.

One should hallow all that one does in one’s natural life. One eats in holiness, tastes the taste of food in holiness, and the table becomes an altar. One works in holiness, and raises up the sparks which hide themselves in all tools. One walks in holiness across the fields, and the soft songs of all herbs, which they voice to God, enter into the song of our soul.

Martin Buber

I count the summers, months, days that I have with my three kids still living at home. It’s not enough! I want to go back and be kinder, nicer, more loving, patient. I want to hug them more. I don’t want to say, “just a minute.” I don’t want to be tired. I don’t want to be distracted. What was more important? Nothing! Why did I think that would have enough time? Did I make enough good memories to push out the bad? Did I make them feel special? I imagine them as toddlers – trusting, seeking, demanding. I’m alone in my regret, bombarded by toxic positivity.

Now, the tables are turned and they’re often too busy for me and my heart is breaking.

My middle two kids begin college later this month and I lie awake strangling on my own doubts and fears and lack of control. Why doesn’t my husband, their father, have any worries? He’s already asleep, in oblivion. I want to shake him awake at 2 AM and pour out all my fears and regrets, but he never knows what to do with me, so I keep it all inside. I can’t protect them from the world, from abusive men, from arrogant professors, from false friends, from themselves. I make up scenarios in my head to warn them about. I feel I am running out of time. I’m late; I’m late; I’m late! What else can I teach them, impart from my own experiences? What script can I help them memorize for an unknown circumstance? What situation can we anticipate together?

I feel prickly with fear of the future.

I don’t want them to live in fear but to walk in wisdom.

(I need to remember this and stop wallowing in guilt and shame.)

I tell my kids often:

Almost everything can be fixed. The consequences may be unpleasant and people may get upset, but almost every mistake can be remedied.

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50 Shades of Green

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My husband officially retired from the US Air Force the end of April 2022, and he was on terminal leave from the end of December 2021.

Twenty years is such a long time, but also a short time.

We met when he was on his first tour – at Warner Robins, GA. It’s been about eighteen years for me. The lifetime of a military spouse.

The bittersweet of giving up a career in academia to homeschool children and keep house while traveling to various duty stations, trying to create a new life every three years.

There’s been good, bad, ugly.

There were seasons of joy and seasons of depression. There were sometimes too long moments when I didn’t want this life anymore and wondered if I could find something, anything better elsewhere.

Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night, disoriented, feeling out of time. Which house is this? Where am I? I almost expect my kids to wander in as toddlers, but they’re teens now. I am the keeper of all the memories since it all runs together for them. We have only pictures to remind them.

I am not a good military wife.

Oh, I tried over and over, but always failed miserably, to be a good military wife.

I had to purge so many possessions every time we moved. I regret and resent some of my collectibles and memories are gone forever because my husband was concerned with weight allowances for our packing out. Books signed by the author, my teapot collection, knickknacks, toys from my childhood, castoff furniture from my parents. Somehow, it was always my things that had to go?

I often lost and found myself in a spiral of packing materials, moving boxes, lost or stolen items, and so many broken glasses.

There’s a metaphor there somewhere.

Every time we moved, we could recreate ourselves.

It was never quite spoken aloud, but I think we all realized we could be whoever we wanted to be, sloughing off the old skins we wore at our last location and trying on someone new, seeing how it tasted in our mouths and felt in our hands.

I searched for community in churches, homeschool groups, co-ops, mom clubs, military spouse orgs.

I never felt that I fit and then it was time to leave again anyway.

Out of sight, out of mind.

No one stayed my friend.

I realize they were just acquaintances for a season.

My kids lost everyone every few years. They don’t even know their cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents.

It’s been a lonely life. It’s still lonesome.

It infuriates me that we are so disposable.

Out of sight, out of mind.

So much loss over the years – broken items, broken hearts.

What to Expect with Military Retirement:

Hitting the Button

It was a bittersweet day when my husband officially requested retirement papers.

Military members can apply no earlier than 12 months prior to their retirement effective date. It is recommended that applications are submitted no later than 180 days prior to their effective pay date to ensure payment is received on time.

There were transition videos (TAP) and checklists to complete. It was worse than PCS checkout or high school graduation week!

Leave

I think there are options to cash in leave or take terminal leave before the actual retirement date. It might be different for various services or groups.

Taking terminal leave lets you use accrued leave in lieu of selling the leave. Terminal leave is granted at the discretion of your command.

It was a little bit awkward for us since there was six months of terminal leave, and this was all during COVID, so there were no parties or ceremonies.

Final PCS?

When retiring from the military, you are permitted a last move to whatever location you choose within the U.S.A., a place that is known as your “home of selection.” You have a year to file for this.

We chose to stay in Dayton, Ohio.

My husband finally has an unexpired driver’s license with a current picture after updating it to Ohio from Illinois!

Insurance

We lost SGLI, so we are choosing to purchase Term Life Insurance and opting to take all the precautions in case of death so the benefits continue for me and the kids. VGLI is another option.

USAA offers insurance and other services to look into and compare prices.

Tricare is still a great health insurance since we live right near Wright Patterson AFB. We like the continuity of care. We’re all in great health, but it’s familiar and easy and cheaper than alternatives for us. The retiree option has copays, so that’s different for us.

We chose to get dental and vision insurance through my husband’s new job.

My husband gets veteran medical care at WPAFB.

Working Again

While some may be able or even want to be retired and putter around, we are still young and have teens who need all the things. Not working just isn’t an option yet.

If choosing to work right away on base in a GS, contractor, or similar capacity, there is a waiting period, but some can request a waiver and work immediately if there is a job offer.

My husband updated his LinkedIn and created a résumé. We thought it would be easy, but it was not. It was stressful and he had several interviews that were a joke. No one wanted to pay him what he was worth.

My husband was able to find a civilian job in January.

I had to buy him clothes! It’s so much more work having to choose chinos and a polo and socks and shoes than wearing a military uniform!

Taxes

We chose to retire in Ohio because military pensions are not taxed. Some states have various tax breaks for military retirees.

Federal taxes may come as a surprise the first couple years with the military pension and his new job, so we’re opting to have more withheld and will probably hire a tax professional to help us navigate this year. I just hope to break even.

VA Rating and Benefits

There were so many medical appointments at private clinics and hospitals to ensure there was no fraud or cronyism. They checked every body system. It seemed each appointment was for one little thing. It took months.

He requested all his medical records and had to submit those as proof of any issues.

My husband received his VA benefits letter on May 2, 2022. He received his first VA check on June 1, 2022. There was no back pay.

VA benefits are not taxed.

Each state has different benefits based on ratings.

We had purchased our home with a VA Loan. The kids have a year of his GI Bill for college. VA education benefits are great in Ohio. There are free and discounted homeowner taxes and car license plates.

Other

We need to update our financial investments, wills, and POAs. We haven’t updated these since the last deployment.

Some of this slid by since the JAG office has been closed during COVID.

There was so much military equipment to go through, give back, donate, sell. What would we ever need it for again?

I’m sure everyone’s military retirement process is a little different, but this was our rather simplified experience.

I’m glad we don’t have to deal with the dread of deployments or PCS anymore. Our kids are 12, 15, 16, and 21. We are relieved to have a home where we can finally feel like we can put down some roots.

Onward to the next stage of our lives!

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Resources:

Linking up: Eclectic Red Barn, Random Musings, Create with Joy, Homestead, Shelbee on the Edge, God’s Growing Garden, Soaring with Him, Anchored Abode, InstaEncouragements, Joanne Viola, Jenerally Informed, Ridge Haven Homestead, Ducks in a Row, Fluster Buster, Anita Ojeda, LouLou Girls, Suburbia, Penny’s Passion, Try it Like it, Katherine’s Corner, Imparting Grace, Slices of Life, Being a Wordsmith, Momfessionals, OMHG, Lisa Notes, CWJ, Modern Monticello, Answer is Chocolate, Pam’s Party, Pieced Pastimes, Pinch of Joy,

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Healing Mother

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Parenting is not transactional.

Our kids don’t owe anything us as parents.

When we expect something in return, it’s business.

My dad used to say that he couldn’t bust me in the mouth because he spent so much on braces to fix my teeth. It wasn’t funny. I felt guilty that I had cost him so much money but confused that he wanted to hit me and was making jokes about it. I realize as an adult that my parents only paid to fix my teeth so they wouldn’t be embarrassed by my appearance. It was never about me.

My parents said all those horrible phrases to me about bringing me into this world and providing me with a roof over my head, utilities, food.

“Look at all we’ve done for you!” was said often when they felt I was being ungrateful about anything.

Nothing my parents ever did for me was for my own benefit. It always came with strings attached. I was supposed to “pay for it” somehow.

I was never allowed to make decisions. It was a difficult path to independent adulthood.

I was terrified of my parents. I was never enough. Nothing I ever said or did was enough. And I was a good kid. I did almost all the “right things.” They come back and tell me how ungrateful I am – still. I’m 46 years old and I’m still never good enough.

There are better ways for parents to receive gratitude from their kids than demanding it or trying to buy it or whining and complaining about it.

I am healing myself so I can be a better mother to my children.

I constantly look for ways to delight my children. I research all the time. I want my children to be the best they can be, healthy and happy and strong. I want them to have all the best foods, books, tools, everything – to become who they will be.

It’s not about who I might want them to be. I cannot live vicariously through my kids, no matter what losses I feel in my soul. My own lost little girl cries to sleep at night but I put on a brave face during the day to be a good mom to my kids.

Motherhood is indeed a thankless and often invisible job. It’s behind the scenes. Mothering work is only noticed when it is left undone or isn’t done well (by whose standards?). Moms don’t get to rest. There are no sick days or down days. There’s no such thing as self care for moms and those who do take time to care for themselves have a luxury to pay for others to do the domestic duties or let them slide. And there’s always, always, always blame and shame.

One day a year to celebrate mothers lets our society off the hook for all the lack of community and services and actual help. For the gift of a 6-week unpaid maternity leave that we’re supposed to be oh, so thankful for! Flowers, candy, brunch is supposed to be enough to show gratitude for the invisible labor of motherhood. I never get a day off, not even Mother’s Day or my birthday or any other day.

I enjoy spending time with my kids. I am learning to ask for and express what I want and need. It’s easier now that my kids are all over twelve years old. They’re not babies physically attached or toddlers with separation anxiety or young kids needing constant verbal and visual affirmation. They’re independent thinking, feeling, opinionated, compassionate, empathetic persons!

They’re understanding that I am a mother but also a person with needs, dreams, desires. I get tired and sick sometimes. I need alone time occasionally. I ask for help when I want or need it – trying to do so clearly without whining or exasperation. I can’t expect them to read my mind. I have to teach them to notice what needs to be done and show them how to do it.

It’s taken over twenty years for me to find a voice that was somehow stifled or lost by shame and guilt and humiliation and ridicule. I was a person before I was a mother.

I invite my kids to do projects with me, but I don’t make them feel guilty if they don’t want to or can’t right now or if they say later, in a minute. I ask for my kids’ input and I listen and I make adjustments and I take their considerations to heart without getting my feelings hurt or projecting my issues onto them. (Sometimes, my feelings are hurt, but I keep that to myself.)

It’s not your child’s job to appreciate having a better childhood than you did.

Bonnie Harris

I don’t have to do it all just because our society says that’s what mothers should be and do.

For years, I felt shame and guilt and regret about my very existence. I didn’t think I was lovable. I felt I wasn’t worth anything unless I performed well – and I never felt that I performed well. I had so internalized the way my parents treated me that I projected that onto everyone else. I didn’t receive the love from my husband and kids.

I take a bath every single night with chamomile tea and a book. This is my me time – for thirty minutes alone. It’s important and everyone in my household knows it’s my time. I do try to make sure everything is in order so I can have that thirty uninterrupted minutes.

It took me years to start healing myself and realizing that my kids are healthier and lovelier than I am. They show empathy and seek relationship with me even when I don’t feel well. They are healing me. They are helping me find myself.

This is it, I thought. This is my life. And sometimes, living sacred just means being present—moment to moment, day by day.

Rivvy Neshama

I could complain and cry about how my parents don’t love me in ways I understand. I really don’t want to focus on the negative. I have made bids for 46 years that are often ignored, thwarted, ridiculed. I am tired. I have set boundaries. I have received silent treatment. My parents are emotionally immature. They are 80 and I’m an only child. I focus on my four kids now. So much of what I do is an opposite of what I learned and how I was treated. I am sad my kids don’t have grandparents.

Ways my kids show me they love me every single day:

  • Sending me memes, TikTok videos, and Instagram posts about foraging, plants, birds, cats, jokes, music
  • Making me tea, just whenever
  • Snuggling during read alouds
  • Watching history documentaries, movies, and TV shows with me
  • Riding along to the grocery store and helping (so fun with teens!)
  • Planning and making meals or baking with me
  • Planning, gardening, and doing yard work with me
  • Sitting and talking at the table after dinner
  • Helping clean up the kitchen
  • Hiking and walking with me outside in nature
  • A MYRIAD of other ways…my kids are loved and loving

My kids have been, are, and will be good people. They are thoughtful. They are learning how to be emotionally intelligent, loving, and kind. I am constantly amazed by their thoughts, words, decisions. I remember how I was at their age and I am so proud of who they are.

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Resources:

Linking up: Pinch of Joy, Silverado, Random Musings, Ridge Haven, April Harris, Create with Joy, Jenerally Informed, LouLou Girls, God’s Growing Garden, OMHG, Shelbee on the Edge, Soaring with Him, InstaEncouragements, Anchored Abode, Homestead, Life Abundant, Try it Like it, Katherine’s Corner, Imparted Grace, Slices of Life, Fluster Buster, Suburbia, Penny’s Passion, Modern Monticello, Answer is Chocolate, Bijou Life, Momfessionals, Eclectic Red Barn,

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Our Curriculum for 2022-2023

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Summer was exciting with camps and comic cons and a King’s Island membership.

Tori attended Air Camp on milkid scholarship. Akantha attended an art camp on merit scholarship and a fun traditional camp for trans youth. Alex attended a couple baseball camps.

This year will look very different for our family with only one child left to homeschool. I hope to keep him from getting too bored or lonely without his siblings!

We often celebrate the end of summer and beginning autumn and a new school year with not back to school activities.

I highly recommend the books by Louise Bates Ames. A good guide to follow are the What Your ?-Grader Needs to Know by E.D. Hirsch, Jr. His books have some problems, but it’s a great jumping off point.

8th Grade

My youngest will almost be alone this year as his siblings head off to a local college with CCP. I’m looking into field trips, classes, museums, and group activities to keep him from getting too bored or lonely.

11th Grade

My middle two kids will attend a local university with CCP this year.

They’re taking Art History I and Classics together.

Akantha is taking freshman Writing and Tori is taking Environmental Science and Lab.

  • Tori is continuing Russian and Greek
  • Akantha is working on Latin Forms and various other languages and mythology
  • Tori continues aerial gymnastics
  • Akantha takes ice skating lessons

Tori works part time at a local grocery store. She took the Ohio driving classes and passed her driving test. We bought her a Toyota Prius. She loves the freedom and is very responsible and helpful.

Together

I will miss our morning read alouds together for religious studies, church history, natural history, world and American history, and multicultural literature. I’m not sure how to continue, except maybe some of the most important and favorite reading at bedtime or weekends.

While I want to continue our history studies and other work, I also don’t want to stress out my middle kids with too much. Their college courses will take priority. They’ve done more than enough in our homeschool.

We are on Year 3 in our history cycle. Year 3 covers some important near history and I cannot wait to dive deep into literature.

Our main text this year is The History of the Renaissance World: From the Rediscovery of Aristotle to the Conquest of Constantinople by Susan Wise Bauer. Also the Study and Teaching Guide: The History of the Renaissance World: A curriculum guide to accompany The History of the Renaissance World by Julia Kaziewicz. My middle kids complete the critical thinking questions for each chapter.

We anxiously await the final book in the new history of the world series by Susan Wise Bauer!

See how we do history. Our main curriculum Tapestry of Grace (and the way I supplement it each year) covers all the humanities – history, literature, art, music, philosophy, government.

My kids are very active with skating/roller blading, cycling, hiking, walking, playing the Wii and Switch, in addition to their classes and sports.

Some electives the kids are pursuing in addition to sports are cooking/baking, creative writing, drawing/animation, arts and crafts, jewelry making.

I don’t stress over progress or worry much about my kids’ academic futures. I don’t care about testing. My eldest three have done CCP and if they need tutoring for the math placement test or ACT/SAT, we will cross that bridge. They all three passed the writing assessment with top scores!

I know this year will be busy and different and a part of me looks forward to it, but another part of me longs for the simplicity and freedom we had when the kids were little.

It’s bittersweet watching my kids grow up and do more and more on their own.

You might also like to see our other homeschool years:

Recommendations:

What’s next year look like for your family?

Linking up: Eclectic Red Barn, April Harris, Silverado, Suburbia, Pinch of Joy, Create with Joy, Random Musings, Ridge Haven, God’s Growing Garden, OMHG, InstaEncouragements, Penny’s Passion, Momfessionals, CWJ, Slices of Life, Imparted Grace, Answer is Chocolate, Katherine’s Corner, Modern Monticello, LouLou Girls, Jenerally Informed, Soaring with Him, Homestead, My Life Abundant, Fluster Buster, Bijou Life, Anchored Abode, Lisa Notes, Simply Coffee, Pieced Pastimes, Pam’s Party, Mostly Blogging,

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Summer Slide

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Please stop with the summer slide bullshit.

Please stop crowd sourcing ideas to force your kids to do chores and academic work over the summer.

Stop with the chore charts. Enough with coercion. Stop with the control. Stop the abuse.

Every summer, and often throughout the year, I see parents, usually moms, ask how to get their kids to do anything other than use a screen.

Are we so miserable that we want our kids to be miserable too?

I played all summer long until I began college. What has changed that we want our kids to suffer or earn the right to play?

I don’t earn my screentime. Why should my kids earn theirs?

I’m gonna go out on a limb and surely be unpopular, but I don’t require my kids to do anything to earn screentime. I don’t earn screentime. I don’t require them to complete anything academic in the summer. I don’t require summer reading.

The interesting thing is they are very willing to help with household tasks when they have freedom and respect. I help them put their clothes away and clean and organize their rooms and spaces. They need scaffolding and modeling and can’t be expected to know how to be a functioning adult without guidance.

They choose to do puzzles, outside play, reading, board games…when they’re not desperately thinking of their next earned screen minute. Screens suddenly become just another activity to do along with so many other options. There is no scarcity mentality with the freedom to choose.

I think the screen is just becoming a symbol for our own triggers and lack of control and communication skills

The only rule is all devices are plugged in away from beds at bedtime.

My kids are 12, 15, 16, 21.

They do actually notice when things need done and do chores cheerfully because they’re members of a household where they have a voice.

My kids can’t talk back to me.

We discuss options and I state my case about my concerns for my kids’ safety and health. They have no reason to be deceitful. They know that I love and respect them and truly have their best interests in my mind and heart.

I realize it’s the societal norm for kids to be monitored and controlled and dictated, but it creates disharmony and it’s so much more work keeping track. We’re not about competition or charts or checklists. We’re about cooperation.

We homeschool, but they have freedom there too. We go with the flow rather than strict schedule.

Schools are coercive, humiliating, controlling, and abusive. Students are forced to learn information to regurgitate the info on a test and then they promptly purge that from their memories. Students don’t learn valuable skills in school; they learn how to jump through hoops. Schools are not preparing kids to be questioners, thinkers, or leaders. The authorities don’t want people to have a voice, autonomy, or freedom.

It’s ironic that so many school assignments requires screens and going online.

Children only have 18-21 summers before they have to be working adults. I want them to make memories and have fun, to be wild and free. I don’t want them to dread summertime as just another chore-filled season.

Many schools go year-round and lots of parents overschedule their kids, including during summer. Just because it’s expected and considered the norm doesn’t mean we have to participate in making our kids work year-round.

Also, enough with all the tutoring and test prep.

Kids are tired. Let them play.

What does summer look like for your kids?

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Benefits of Taking a Magnesium Complex Supplement

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All people should strive to live a healthy lifestyle. While this will include exercising regularly and following a proper diet, it can also include taking vitamins and supplements to ensure your body is getting all of the nutrients it needs. One supplement that all people should consider taking is Magnesium Complex. This magnesium supplement offers a variety of benefits that can help aid your body and mind.

Help Aid Mental Health

Mental health continues to be a challenge for many people. As the amount of stress people face does not appear to be declining, finding a way to manage it is very important. The use of magnesium can help with this. Various studies have shown that taking magnesium can help to alleviate stress and reduce symptoms of depression. It is important to talk with your doctor about using magnesium for support if you are struggling with mental health. 

Muscle Relaxation

Getting proper support with muscle relaxation is quite important. If your muscles are tight, they are prone to cramping during the night and when exercising. This can make it harder to sleep and stay in shape. If you take a magnesium complex supplement, you can receive some support from this concern. This will not only help you avoid some discomfort, but it can also help you sleep better at night. 

Possible Support for Major Health Risks and Illnesses

Due to the potential benefits of magnesium, many different studies on the supplement have been performed. Some of these studies have focused on whether it can help someone manage and prevent major health risks, including stroke and heart disease. These studies have found a correlation that following a diet that is high in magnesium can help to reduce your blood pressure, which could also lead to a reduction in certain types of strokes. 

Sleep Aid

Getting enough sleep is very important. Not only will having sleep help you feel alert and rested, but it can reduce stress and allow you to perform your best the next day. If you are struggling to get sleep, particularly if you are challenged with any type of insomnia, incorporating magnesium supplements into your diet could be helpful. These supplements can help to relax the body and will provide someone with the aid they need to sleep well. 

Complex Formula Supports Absorption

While magnesium clearly provides some value and support when taken as a supplement, some people may struggle to absorb it naturally. If this happens, you will not benefit from the supplements, even if you take them on a daily basis. When taking a complex supplement, it will be combined with Vitamin B6, which will provide you with additional support and ensure that it can be properly absorbed by your body. 

Following a healthy diet and lifestyle is very important. When you are looking to be healthy, you will want to ensure that you are getting all of the proper nutrients and vitamins. There are various benefits that come when taking supplements, such as magnesium.  

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