Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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A Decade Later

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November 25, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert 21 Comments

So much has happened in ten years.

We lived in Hawaii for three years. We explored Oahu, Maui, and The Big Island.

My husband adopted my daughter.

I was pregnant with my son.

We were and still are shifting to gentler, more respectful parenting, constantly reevaluating methods and learning.

I’ve homeschooled our four kids for over fifteen years now. I’ve come full circle in my educational and religious beliefs after exploring so many options, many of which were very harmful to me and my family.

We’re a military family. We moved from Hawaii to Utah to Germany to Ohio.

Looking back over the last decade, I realize there are few photos of me since I’m usually the one behind the camera.

I rarely take selfies. We rarely get family photos. My kids don’t have a record of me in pictures.

This picture was taken in fall 2016.

Here’s a photo of me in the same outfit in May 2019.

It’s a bit of a glow up. I feel more confident and healthy.

It’s been an adventure for sure.

I’m trying to do better to ask my family to snap photos of me, preferably when I don’t have my mouth full.

I’ve changed quite a bit in the last decade, especially the last couple years. I think I’ve improved. I’m never content with a status quo. I’m constantly growing.

If we are not regularly deeply embarrassed by who we are, the journey to self-knowledge hasn’t begun.

Alain de Botton

Self Improvement

Health

I lost 20+ pounds the last couple years.

I’m not concerned with weight as a number. I’m not concerned with aging gracefully. I just want to be healthy.

The first picture is the heaviest I ever was, not pregnant. I weighed in at about 175. I didn’t feel good. My knees hurt. I felt tired all the time. I was too sedentary. I didn’t eat well. I didn’t exercise enough or correctly. I was depressed. I needed to jumpstart my metabolism.

I have no medical complications or issues. Thank God.

I take supplements that work for me. Glutathione and progesterone before bed. B vitamins and evening primrose in the mornings.

I massage castor oil into my hands, scalp, and thighs probably weekly.

I drink lots of water.

I only have 2-3 cups of caffeine each day. I have found I do better with tea than coffee.

I pray and meditate every day.

I try to go outside every day.

I don’t have social media on my smartphone or iPad.

I will say that I seldom have joint pain now and I feel happier and more energetic.

Food

I try to eat real foods.

I happen to really like almost all foods. I have no allergies or sensitivities.

Food has no morality.

Fiber and good fat is really important. I add collagen, chia, and flax to my smoothies.

I splurge and sometimes get takeout from Raising Cane’s. I actually seldom eat out. I drink a beer or glass of wine with dinners on weekends.

I don’t like this idea of “cheat days” or “being good” by eating more veggies or the idea that veganism will save the world.

I know sugar isn’t good for me and causes health problems, so I do try to limit my refined sugar intake.

I really like bread.

I eat mostly what I want, what I like, when I’m hungry. Sometimes, that means coffee at brunchtime and a sensible dinner. I suppose it’s intermittent fasting, but I just eat when I want to, not when society tells me to.

I teach my kids that balance and moderation is key.

Exercise

I do HIIT workouts about three times a week.

I had physical therapy for my knee last year and I continue to practice what I learned with my exercise ball, balance trainer, kettle weight, and hip band.

Here’s how I maintain my health. It’s not all about exercise and eating!

Everyone is different. I’m not competing with anyone but myself.

I try to walk outside 1-3 miles every evening after dinner. If I don’t get my walk in, I don’t feel well and I don’t sleep well. This is my down time to destress and listen to the birds and wind. It calms me. I get to think and work through problems or issues or conversations.

Rest

Rest is so, so, so important.

I try to not be too busy. I like being peaceful and not rushed.

Life happens.

Even good stress can affect us physically and mentally.

When I’m stressed, I get bloated. I don’t sleep well. I feel anxious. It’s a vicious cycle.

Moving every 3 or so years is stressful. Cats get sick. Finances get wonky. Car accidents or repairs that can’t be avoided. I take extra care during stressful life events.

I try not to overschedule the kids so we don’t have to hurry and we can almost always have dinner together.

We have leisurely mornings over breakfast. We do reading. I do work while they complete their lessons. We watch shows or run errands. Evenings are for sports, dinner, walking, more reading, prayers.

Learning

I am constantly reading. I love to read books about parenting, education, religion, psychology, politics, history, historical and speculative fiction.

I have stacks of books on my shelves and tables and oodles of Kindle editions. I get books from the library if I can.

I like to read articles about my many topics of interest. These often lead to more books from their bibliography and source notes and quotations.

Learning is very important to me. I want to keep up with everything. I want to fill in the gaps in my lackluster Georgia public school education.

My aunt and several elderly female cousins had Alzheimer’s and I worry about my parents and my husband and myself.

I am learning about anti-racism and how to counter prejudice and stereotypes. What can we do to improve our society and eliminate the wealth and class gaps?

I dream of a better future for all of us.

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I’m constantly reevaluating my priorities as my family and I grow and change.

I don’t have a Word for the year. I don’t really do resolutions. I constantly try to improve and become who I am supposed to be. I want to exude love and kindness and teach my family what that should look like.

What are your priorities?

You might also like:

Filed Under: Health Tagged With: growth, health, New Year

Introvert Holiday Survival Guide

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Please see my suggested resources.

November 25, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert 22 Comments

The holiday decorations are for sale in stores before Halloween and Christmas music blasts everywhere on or even before November 1.

Christmas in America is all about commercialism. It’s about rushing, doing, more. I kinda hate it.

As an introvert, I really do dread the holidays. They wear me out. I try to be bright and cheery for my kids, but I really would love to hibernate from Halloween until about Mid-March. I often wake up early or go to bed late just to get some alone time.

As a military family, we’ve seldom been near family to visit over the holidays. While in a way, this relieves me of the potential stress, it also makes me feel very, very guilty.

We visited my husband’s mom at Christmas the year after we married. I was worried about her since it was her first holiday alone since his dad had passed in April. Then she passed the following April, so I’m so glad we went.

I invited my parents to visit the kids and me last Christmas while my husband was deployed. They’re getting older and I worry how many more opportunities we will have. It was actually mostly pleasant.

My kids have missed out on so much. Holidays are just the six of us. But still, it’s stressful to me.

What’s an introvert to do with all the expectations that come with the holidays?

Priority

Everyone has her favorite and least favorite aspects of holidays. What’s yours?

Discover your priority for the season.

Be mindful of what you’re doing, giving, having during the holidays.

Give to charity or volunteer. Try new recipes. Travel. Offer experiences instead of presents. Join a cookie or ornament swap.

Save money, time, and effort by forgoing card sending. It’s also more ethical and less wasteful. Send texts or social media greetings, or individual emails and online cards. Recycle or upcycle the cards you receive.

Take time to get outside in nature to unwind and think. There’s no bad weather, only bad clothing choices!

Make time for selfcare. I keep up my exercise routine and take a very hot Epsom salt bath almost every evening with chamomile or lavender tea. It really makes a difference.

The Thanksgiving holiday is rather a disappointment for me. We used to travel over the long weekend. We went to Prague and Porto and Venice. Several family members don’t even like turkey. We don’t really care about football. We certainly do not go shopping.

We’ve traveled to Chicago and Maui and Rome over Christmas. Magical!

We’ve lived in so many different places as a military family that travel was a priority until the kids asked to stay home with a Christmas tree and home-cooked dinner. But we miss it too.

Focus

Each year, I focus on something different.

We’ve traveled over holidays. That really eased up a lot of stress for me. But, it created other stresses.

Some years, I really get into the Advent readings with my family.

Other years, I decorate all out. My front yard was a zoo last year with light up animals.

We often go to a local drive-through Christmas park to look at the decorations. We really enjoy those!

We went to see The Nutcracker ballet a couple years ago.

We try new recipes during the holidays, but not on the actual day in case of disappointment for tradition.

Tradition

I realize that I’m making memories for my kids.

What are your favorite memories of the holidays? Do that for yourself and your family.

It’s all about the food for us.

While I don’t make a lot of sweets, we really do love the fancy dinners.

I roast a turkey breast for Thanksgiving. I make the most wonderful herb sausage cornbread dressing. Two of my kids don’t like turkey so much. I try to have lots of sides and maybe some ham for them.

The kids get Advent calendars. Everyone gets chocolate. My son and husband share the Star Wars Lego. This year, the kids asked for Yu-Gi-Oh! My eldest daughter gets a bath bomb or makeup calendar.

We celebrate Saint Nicholas. We do stockings for St. Nick with chocolate orange candies and small gifts. This has relieved a lot of pressure for Christmas Eve and Day.

We celebrate Hanukkah with roast beef. When Hanukkah falls mid-December instead of during Christmas week, it’s extra special because it’s like we celebrate more and longer. I seldom can do eight nights of presents, but I try to make it special with a nice family gift. We read Hanukkah stories and celebrate the Light.

We have prime rib and Irish ham for Christmas Eve and Day dinners. My third child really loves the slow roasted ham.

With twice baked potatoes. They’re a favorite!

We also look forward to ham au gratin potatoes as leftovers!

I try to purchase my children an ornament each year so they will have a starter box of their very own Christmas when they grow up.

We almost always get new winter pajamas. And lots of books. And new house slippers.

We read lots of holidays books and watch fun holiday movies every year.

We have a simple celebration for New Year’s.

Our holiday season ends after Epiphany with Candlemas.

Delegate

Trusting my kids is a huge part of sanity over the holidays.

While my husband has a panic attack when they carry his grandmother’s china dishes and my crystal butter dish to and from the dining table, I know they can handle it. They take great care with these items. And they’re just things. Someday, it will all be theirs.

My kids always wanted to help put up our artificial Christmas tree when they were very little. I think they considered it a fun puzzle with the colored branch tips.

Nowadays, I bring the big duct-taped box out of the cellar and let them have at it. They’re plenty old enough and do a great job putting it up and pulling it down to store away for another year. I stand back in awe at their methods and cooperation. My husband and I usually string the lights. We all help sort and hang the ornaments.

The kids completely decorated the front of the house during deployment. It looked like a holiday zoo! I hardly had to help at all. They were amazing.

My middle daughter is quickly becoming self-proficient in the kitchen. She’s in charge of any potato dish. She also sets the table just lovely. I never have to check the placement of a fork or wine glass with her!

My husband is in charge of the prime rib or tenderloin. My son loves cooking meats – frying, grilling, all of it. He loves thermometers! He wants to work in a butcher shop when he’s older.

Let it go

I don’t go to holiday parties.

Most of my husband’s work obligations don’t include me anyway. Our street has had an adults-only progressive dinner, but I’d rather spend time with my family than drunk overgrown frat boys and their second wives. For unavoidable events where it’s important to make an appearance, know when and how to leave as early as possible without seeming rude.

We don’t go to church anymore. I kinda miss the advent readings and candle lighting and midnight singing. Years ago, the church we attended did a fun ladies ornament exchange. But I don’t miss the stress and drama at all.

I really, really, really hate shopping, even throughout the year. It’s not hard for me to say no to shopping in November and December. I shop online all year round. I save money with cash back apps. Giving experiences is better as my kids get older.

Declutter before the presents arrive so it’s less stress. One in, one out is our flexible rule. We don’t give lots, but try to limit presents to about four with this little poem.

We do a few gifts within our immediate family. No gifts for extended family. I don’t send cards. I absolutely don’t send braggy annual newsletters, not even on social media. I don’t like receiving those humble brags either. This is all for my sanity and for ethical reasons.

Resources:

  • Low: An Honest Advent Devotional by John Pavlovitz
  • Calm Christmas and a Happy New Year: A little book of festive joy by Beth Kempton
  • Unplug the Christmas Machine: A Complete Guide to Putting Love and Joy Back into the Season by Jo Robinson
  • Hundred Dollar Holiday: The Case For A More Joyful Christmas by Bill McKibben
  • Have Yourself a Stressless Little Christmas by Darla Satterfield Davis
  • Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain
  • The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff
  • The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron

What do you want your family to remember about the holidays?

You might also like:

  • Holiday Movies
  • Holiday Books
  • Celebrating Advent
  • Celebrating St. Nicholas
  • Celebrating Hanukkah
  • Celebrating Epiphany
  • Celebrating Holidays During Deployment
  • Blue Christmas
  • Hope in the Dark
  • Holiday Blues
You might also like:

Filed Under: Health Tagged With: Christmas, introvert, mental health

Our Wild Calling Book Review

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

November 22, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

I love animals. I’ve always loved animals.

I feel it is my duty to teach my children love and respect for nature and animals.

I’ve always made nature and animal encounters a priority in our homeschool and life.

We’re a military family and I love to learn about the flora and fauna of every new place we live.

We chose to rent our current house in Ohio because the backyard is all wooded with a little creek. We often see deer, opossums, raccoons, stray cats, owls, hawks, herons, ducks, woodpeckers, hummingbirds, and sometimes even a coyote. I set out food for the critters and my family calls me Snow White.

Our next door neighbor is a certified Ohio naturalist!

The little pond near our current house offer close encounters with kingfishers, herons, ducks. I love to watch them as I take my daily walk.

We lived in the Pfalz forest in Germany and saw lots of foxes and boar along the road and in the meadows. We had a lovely little backyard pond where frogs and toads would lay eggs and we watched them grow up. We also learned about the dragonfly life cycle. We even had a huge salamander one day!

We would giggle as we watched the quail skedaddle across our backyard in Utah. The hummingbird fights were breathtaking in the mornings and evenings. We lived near Antelope Island and Farmington Bay and loved to go watch the bison, antelope, deer, water birds, eagles, and coyotes.

We spent almost every meal on our lanai in Hawaii and our nightly dinner guest was this very friendly red cardinal who would perch on the back of a chair and dine on our crumbs. He brought his wife and family every season.

I grew up in an Atlanta suburb, but I loved birds, bugs, and water life. I played in the Flint River creek system behind our neighborhood, despite my mother’s warnings.

Our camping friend

I anticipate magic when I encounter nature. I anticipate a connection with animals and I am seldom disappointed.

No young child chooses to turn away from nature. Losing touch with that relationship hurts just as it would to be separated from any other loving, foundational connection they have in their lives.

Nicolette Sowder

We have cat companions and they are members of our family. They are better than therapy and help us through tough times. They know when we are sick or feeling down and snuggle up to us to comfort.

Without any apology, lightweight theology, or fear of heresy, I can appropriately say that Venus [the black lab] was also Christ for me.

Richard Rohr, The Universal Christ
cat companions

I am a firm believer that if we are still and quiet in nature, we will be rewarded with blessings of magical animal encounters. They are curious and long to connect with us if they don’t see us as threats to them.

I’ve read sections of Our Wild Calling aloud to my family and we are all delighted at the animal encounter stories.

We looked up biophilic design. We remember seeing the animal bridges in Europe across the Autobahn and highways. My daughter told us about the turtle tunnels in Japan.

In his newest book, OUR WILD CALLING: How Connecting with Animals Can Transform our Lives—and Save Theirs, author Richard Louv redefines the future of human-animal coexistence by exploring our deep bonds with other animals and calling for a transformation in how we view, treat, and inhabit our environment. 

Through interviews with researchers, theologians, wildlife experts, indigenous healers, parents, teachers, and psychologists, Louv reveals how dogs can teach children ethical behavior, how animals in urban areas are blurring the lines between the domestic and the wild, and what role the human-animal relationship plays in our spiritual well-being.

He explores urgent topics such as biodiversity, inter-species health, and unprecedented conservation practices – including the proposal to set aside half of the planet for nature and wildlife and the assisted migration of invasive species. Louv also introduces readers to pioneering biologists who practice “practical anthropomorphism” as a way to do better science, naturalists now helping thousands of people learn bird language, scientists developing new ways communicate with pets and wild animals, and animal-assisted therapists and teachers challenging the fields of mental health and education.

About the Author

Richard Louv is a journalist and author of ten books.  Louv is co-founder and chair emeritus of the nonprofit Children & Nature Network, which supports a new nature movement through partnerships with such organizations as the National League of Cities. In 2008, he was awarded the Audubon Medal, presented by the National Audubon Society.

Richard Louv’s landmark book, Last Child in the Woods, inspired an international movement to connect children and nature and has now sold over half a million copies. Co-founder of the Children & Nature Network and winner of the Audubon Medal. Louv has become the expert on radically improving mental and physical health through our relationship to the natural world. 

Get your copy of Our Wild Calling.

You might also like:

  • My Favorite Nature Books for Kids
  • Fishing Nature Study
  • Hummingbird Nature Study
  • Winter Birds Study
  • Grasshopper Nature Study
  • Quail Nature Study
  • Our Trip to Yellowstone
  • Our Stay in the Tetons

What animal encounters have you experienced?

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Filed Under: Book Reviews Tagged With: book review, nature

Holiday Blues

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Please see my suggested resources.

November 18, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

With the holidays upon us it’s easy for us to get caught up in the rush of it all. While we may be cooking, shopping, and enjoying holiday events, there are others, many of whom are in our very own circles, having a tougher time.

Most holiday stress and anxiety come from:

  1. Gifts
  2. Expectations
  3. Overwhelm

We can reduce our gift-giving and offer experiences or fewer things.

We can simplify our expectations and stop comparing and refuse to look at Pinterest.

We can say no to situations or things that are not priority.

5 Kinds of People Most Likely to Get the Holiday Blues and How to Help:

1. Divorced or widowed

Loss is a sad, life-changing event at any time of the year. 

However, it tends to be harder when everyone around you is joyful celebrating the holidays and you feel it’s an effort to get out of bed. 

If someone in your circles is going through a major loss and life transition, be supportive and understanding.

They are grieving and mourning and are especially sensitive around the holidays. It’s important that they feel included but don’t be offended if they choose to opt out of certain events.

Checking in and offering them the option to participate in whatever they want, when they want is a great way to help. Love them through it.

2. Entrepreneurs

The holidays could be stressful for small business owners because so much rides on the end of year.

They may be fretting over their profits (or lack thereof), the goals they didn’t reach, and the many things still to do.

They feel overwhelmed and when they are expected to shop, entertain and be present for their families, they may be short tempered and anxious.

The best way to help the busy entrepreneur is to make their life easier in any way possible. If they can’t make it to a family dinner, tell them your door is open for dessert. Oftentimes they feel guilty and obligated which only adds to their frustration.

Also consider that these worker-bees are conflicted. When they are working, they miss their families and when they are with family, they are thinking of work.

3. Caretakers

Adults who are caretakers to their chronically ill children, relatives, or elderly parents are incredibly overwhelmed and often overlooked.

As a caretaker, they always have to consider the well-being of their patient. They can’t just get up and go. 

Caretakers may feel resentful, isolated and stuck during the holidays which leads to conflicted feelings of resentment and guilt. They also believe they have to be hands on managing everything.

It’s important to lighten the caretakers load by offering support even if it means asking them how they are doing.

Be patient and ask the caretaker what they need. It could be something as simple as having food delivered to their home to free up time for other tasks.

4. Recovering addicts

Recovering from addiction is hard.  Period. 

But it’s harder when holiday festivities are filled with friends and family drinking everything from spiked eggnog to champagne. 

Understand that those in recovery from substance abuse are hyper-sensitive about being judged. They feel as if all eyes are on them and that pressure may trigger the desire to use drugs or alcohol to soothe their anxiety. When they aren’t fully recovered, they may anticipate possible “landmines” and avoid them. They may choose to stay to themselves and observe more and participate less. They might opt out of larger family gatherings that are too overwhelming.

Offer an open invitation and remind them they are welcome whenever they are ready.

Offer a safe celebration inclusive of all – with no temptation for alcohol, drugs, or gambling.

A balance of love, support, and acceptance is what they are in most need of.

5. Children of divorce

Divorce means two separate holidays at two different places and kids often feel overwhelmed having to double up.

It’s incredibly important for parents to agree civilly on where the kids are going during the holidays and all the logistical details.

Kids want to feel safe and secure. They don’t want to feel as if they are the expected to be rushed here and there because their parents chose to divorce.

It could be unsettling to younger kids and teens may isolate and rebel against any family events as they are sorting out their own emotions as they get used to a new normal.

Don’t burden kids with guilt trips or overdo it with presents to make up for the stress. Just be honest and supportive and loving.

You really want to establish a game plan for the holidays and if possible, stick to it every year.

The holidays can be a stressful time of year for many of us. It’s a time when we must be aware and extra kind to those on the fringes.

You might also like:

  • Hope in the Dark
  • Blue Christmas
  • 5 Ways to Cultivate Relationships
  • How to Have a Debt-Free Christmas
  • Obstacles to Being Frugal During Holidays
  • How We Had the Best Christmas Ever
  • Do They Know it’s Christmas?

Resources:

  • Watch for the Light: Readings for Advent and Christmas
  • Advent: The Once and Future Coming of Jesus Christ by Fleming Rutledge
  • Low: An Honest Advent Devotional by John Pavlovitz
  • Honest Advent: Awakening to the Wonder of God-with-Us Then, Here, and Now by Scott Erickson
  • Calm Christmas and a Happy New Year: A little book of festive joy by Beth Kempton
  • Have Yourself a Minimalist Christmas: Slow Down, Save Money & Enjoy a More Intentional Holiday by Meg Nordmann
  • Hundred Dollar Holiday: The Case For A More Joyful Christmas by Bill McKibben
  • Unplug the Christmas Machine: A Complete Guide to Putting Love and Joy Back into the Season by Jo Robinson and Jean C Staeheli

Quotes from Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a NYC based licensed clinical psychologist, teaching faculty member at the prestigious Columbia University Teachers College and the founder and Clinical Director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services.

You might also like:

Filed Under: Health Tagged With: Christmas, depression, mental health

Teaching Gratitude

This blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure.
Please see my suggested resources.

November 11, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert 31 Comments

Feeling grateful boosts happiness and fosters both physical and psychological health, even among those already struggling with mental health problems. Studies show that practicing gratitude curbs the use of words expressing negative emotions and shifts inner attention away from such negative emotions as resentment and envy, minimizing the possibility of ruminating over them (a hallmark of depression).

Our materialistic culture encourages constant wanting and sees possessions as the source of happiness. This is not the most fertile ground for gratitude, but it is not an insurmountable barrier to developing it. Envy and especially cynicism and narcissism are “thieves of gratitude.”

I periodically take breaks from social media to help me detox from our culture of covetousness.

A study of couples found that individuals who took time to express gratitude for their partner not only felt more positive toward the other person but also felt more comfortable expressing concerns about their relationship.

Teachers or managers who remember to say “thank you” to people may find that they feel motivated to work harder.

We know that gratitude is healthy and people who are grateful are happier. There’s lots of research out there telling us this.

But sometimes, it’s still really hard.

The root of joy is gratefulness…It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.

― Brother David Steindl-Rast, Music of Silence: A Sacred Journey Through the Hours of the Day

We all want our children to be grateful. It’s just good manners, right?

Can gratitude be taught?

I’m a firm believer that children lead the way and teach us adults how to be more grateful.

If you leave kids alone, they surprise us in so many ways with their empathy and gratitude.

Adults seem to have lost our way and look for ulterior motives, second guess someone’s tone, or just generally assume the worst.

There’s so much more to gratitude than having a Bless This Mess sign in your kitchen.

But have you ever thought about gratitude not as a response but as a force in its own right; an initiating and healing energy that is not dependent on external circumstances but is rather an innate power of the human soul?

Cynthia Bourgeault

During the holidays, I try to focus on being content and grateful more than shopping for more things we don’t really need.

We once attended a church that bragged they didn’t express gratitude for several reasons:

  • We should do things in service to God and not to man.
  • If we are thanked for our service, it would make us prideful.
  • If we thank others, it’s not honoring God nor is it expressing humility.

I think they missed the mark a bit. Of course, we should honor God. Hearing gratitude or expressing thanks is just polite and courteous. We are the hands and feet of God. If a person isn’t humble and is instead prideful, seeking recognition, that’s between them and God.

Make sure no one repays a wrong with a wrong, but always pursue the good for each other and everyone else. Rejoice always. Pray continually. Give thanks in every situation because this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:15-18 CEB

Gratitude should be an ongoing lifestyle, not just one day a year, often eclipsed by heavy food and sports.

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude:

Practicing gratitude helps us build a brain primed to see the positive. 

The human brain has a strong negativity bias. It helps us survive but not thrive.

Gratitude counters that bias so we can enjoy life to the fullest. It’s a little more than just always focusing on the positive. It’s an active mindfulness of being grateful.

Cultivating a natural sense of gratitude in kids starts with modeling from their most important grown-ups. 

When we pause and appreciate the good around us (explicitly exploring what we feel, think and sense in our body) we show them that appreciation is important and worth taking the time for.

It’s not just about saying Thank You!

It’s things like “This ice cream is delicious. I’m so glad I have a tongue to taste it with, and you to share it with. I’m going to take a super slow bite and let it melt in my mouth. Want to try that with me?” 

Pray or Meditate. 

We can use prayer to cultivate gratitude.

I’ve encountered a lot of blogs and articles and books centering on a gospel of gratitude, and while I think being grateful and practicing gratitude is a key to a successful life, I don’t think that’s the sole purpose of any religion. It’s just another tool to help us.

Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. You can focus on a word or phrase or focus on what you’re grateful for.

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.

Meister Eckhart

Forced thank you’s can backfire. 

Feeling gratitude and saying thank you aren’t the same thing, and pressure to say specific words can lead to resistance and resentment.

We can support our kids by helping them figure out what they are actually feeling, and finding the words to match.

As they get a bit older, we can start exploring how what we say to others may make them feel, and how expressing gratitude makes us feel. Emotional health is important.

We can help kids develop an attitude of gratitude through regular rituals and activities that build mental habits. 

If the whole family participates it will also lead to increased feelings of connection with each other.

Some examples of gratitude rituals include:

Practicing a one-word gratitude circle at meals or another time that works for your family.

Naming aspects of our own body, mind, and heart that supported us that day at bedtime.

Keeping a gratitude journal (these can be individual, but you can also create a family journal that everyone can contribute to). Journaling is very helpful!

Writing a thank you note once a week.

When fun or fulfilling things happen, make a habit of “taking in the good” by remembering and talking about the sensory and emotional experience of the positive situation.

Creating gratitude art projects for things children enjoy or appreciate.

A gratitude web, for example, may have a bubble of ice cream in the middle, and then around it would be the grown up who worked to buy it, the people at the shop or store who sold it to us, the person who made it, the farmer who milked the cow, the cow itself, etc.

Letting our kids know we are grateful for them (in specific ways that validate who they are) gives them an embodied experience of what it feels like to be appreciated. 

It builds up their sense of self, and strengthens your relationship while supporting their capacity to feel gratitude. When we feel appreciated, it’s much easier to appreciate others and the world around us!

Make sure you apply your child’s love language so they feel appreciated and loved.

There are studies that show being mindful of gratitude for more than 21 days improves contentedness and our happiness quotient.

Think of the various tests you encounter as occasions for joy. After all, you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. Let this endurance complete its work so that you may be fully mature, complete, and lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4 CEB

What are you most grateful for today?

You might also like:

  • Grateful: The Subversive Practice of Giving Thanks by Diana Butler Bass
  • Gratitude by Oliver Sacks
  • The Gratitude Diaries: How a Year Looking on the Bright Side Can Transform Your Life by Janice Kaplan
  • Our favorite Thanksgiving book list
  • Makahiki – Thanksgiving in Hawaii
  • Thanksgiving Unit Study
  • How to Apologize
  • How to Be Happier
  • Teaching Kindness
  • Teaching Self-Control
  • Eliminating Entitlement
You might also like:

Filed Under: Homeschool Tagged With: gratitude, thanksgiving

Organizing Recipes

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Please see my suggested resources.

November 4, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert 27 Comments

We have a lot of cookbooks.

I have a bin full of handwritten recipes from my husband’s two grandmothers. I plan to scan those in to my computer so they’re never lost. I’m working to organize them in page protectors or even a printed scrapbook cookbook.

All recipes tell a story.

I have two BHG cookbooks. My mom’s with handwritten notes and a newer one. I prefer my mom’s where she jotted down when I made wheat bread for a colonial class project. She also added the years she made which Christmas cookies or cakes.

We also collect a lot of recipes – from magazines and online sites.

How to Organize Recipes

Recipe Binders

Super easy to make a recipe binder and fun for gifts for the cook or foodie.

I have started compiling recipe binders for my kids as keepsakes of our favorite family recipes for them.

What you need for a recipe binder:

  • Big 3 ring binder or several small binders for various cooking styles (desserts, main dishes, grilling, baking)
  • Pretty cover for binder
  • Dividers
  • Clear page protectors
  • Clear small pockets for small recipe cards and/or recipes clipped from magazines

Cooking Journals

I have a couple recipe journals to make notes when I try new recipes.

I seldom follow a recipe exactly, and it’s a huge joke with my kids that no recipe is perfect for me. I always want more of something, add a little of this or that, or don’t measure.

My grandmother never measured anything.

We measure garlic with our hearts.

My husband is often irritated that I don’t make the same dish twice because I often don’t measure or follow the recipe the same way or I don’t remember how I tweaked it last time and everyone loved it. I’m trying to remember to make notes in the journal!

Computer and/or Software

  • Eat Your Books
  • Trello
  • Dropbox
  • OneNote
  • Office documents
  • MasterCook
  • Cook’n

Apps

Many cooks prefer to declutter and have recipes digitized.

This makes recipes searchable by several criteria, saving time and space. You can easily pull up a recipe on a tablet or laptop on the counter or table while you cook.

  • Evernote. I love this app for all sorts of digital organizing.
  • BigOven
  • Basil Recipe Manager
  • Pepperplate
  • Tasty
  • ChefTap
  • Paprika Recipe Manager
  • Copy Me That Recipe Manager

Pinterest

I have pin boards for lots of our family interests, and several for various cooking genres.

This helps me to find the recipes easily again and also share my faves with you!

Organizing recipes is a huge task to undertake, but I may digitize most of our recipes this summer to clear up space and get them all in one place.

You might also like:

Filed Under: Family Tagged With: homemaking, organizing, recipe

A Mother’s Résumé

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October 28, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert 16 Comments

I haven’t worked at a “real job” for at least a dozen years.

It’s frustrating that introductory small talk still focuses on “What do you do?” and is disdainful or even scornful of motherhood as a vocation. People even dare ask or mention that my education was a waste. It’s like my only worth is in a salary or job for pay outside my home.

These microaggressions don’t endear me to people whom I’ve just met. They dismiss me as unimportant because I don’t have a salary and it’s so frustrating.

Motherhood isn’t valued in American culture. Homeschooling is still considered weird.

There’s little purpose to keeping up my LinkedIn profile.

I can’t imagine going back to teach at any school, at any level. I sometimes miss the classroom, but the hassles and negatives don’t outweigh the few positives. I don’t have current state certification and I don’t have any desire to jump through hoops to recertify.

If you hired someone to do the work of maintaining a household, especially if you have children, the cost would be approximately $ 90,000 a year. This is what a “traditional” at-home spouse would get paid today to clean the house, be a personal shopper and personal assistant, run errands, and take care of the children.

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman, Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams,  Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D.,

Things You Didn’t Put on Your Résumé

How often you got up in the middle of the night
when one of your children had a bad dream,

and sometimes you woke because you thought
you heard a cry but they were all sleeping,

so you stood in the moonlight just listening
to their breathing, and you didn’t mention

that you were an expert at putting toothpaste
on tiny toothbrushes and bending down to wiggle

the toothbrush ten times on each tooth while
you sang the words to songs from Annie, and

who would suspect that you know the fingerings
to the songs in the first four books of the Suzuki

Violin Method and that you can do the voices
of Pooh and Piglet especially well, though

your absolute favorite thing to read out loud is
Bedtime for Frances and that you picked

up your way of reading it from Glynis Johns,
and it is, now that you think of it, rather impressive

that you read all of Narnia and all of the Ring Trilogy
(and others too many to mention here) to them

before they went to bed and on the way out to
Yellowstone, which is another thing you don’t put

on the résumé: how you took them to the ocean
and the mountains and brought them safely home.

~Joyce Sutphen

As a mother for the past 19 years, I can attest to having quite an impressive work history and specific skill set.

The mental workload of being a mother far outweighs any “job” I’ve ever had.

As a teacher in various school and classroom environments, then as a homeschool educator for the last 15 years, I honed my expertise by focusing on my students’ unique needs.

As a military spouse, I retained my skills and honed a lot of new ones over the last decade and a half.

There are no gaps in my work history. I worked constantly, year-round, daily, overnights, with no vacation days, through sickness and injury, and during two deployments with no assistance or support.

Experience

Director of Child Development

$39,744 average annual salary

  • Oversee social, academic, and emotional development of students from birth until adulthood
  • Develop educational programs and standards
  • Design program plans, oversee daily activities, and prepare budget for activities and curriculum
  • Support gross and fine motor skills
  • Maintain instructional excellence

Educational Leadership

$88,390 average annual salary

  • Knowledge of pedagogy and methodology
  • Relationship building
  • Continuing education in field regarding trends, concerns, issues
  • Global mindset
  • Plan cross-curricular lessons for various ages, abilities, interests
  • Conflict resolution
  • Extensive library
  • Use of technology
  • Personalize feedback on student assignments
  • Advise students regarding academic courses and career opportunities
  • Encourage students to present their views and participate in discussion
  • Share personal experiences and values
  • Record keeping

Project Management

$134,182 average annual salary

  • Initiating, planning, executing, controlling, and closing the work of a team to achieve specific goals and meet specific success criteria at the specified time.
  • Establish expectations
  • Be proactive
  • Organization
  • Risk management
  • Delegation
  • Teamwork
  • Growth Mindset

Life Coach

$46,678 average annual salary

  • Discuss needs and goals
  • Develop strategies and plans
  • Keep records of progress
  • Evaluation
  • Adjust goal strategies as needed
  • Assist manage stress and increase productivity
  • Excellent listening and questioning skills
  • Confidence to challenge in a caring way
  • Support goal-setting, personal growth, and behavior modification 

Domestic Engineer

$59,496 average annual salary

  • Oversee operations of all systems and procedures
  • Budget for and allocated appropriate expenditures
  • Delegate operational tasks to promote equal labor division
  • Maintain cleanliness and sanitation of all work, play, and living areas
  • Food purchasing, preparation, and storage
  • Multi-tasking
  • Home economics
  • Laundry expertise
  • Basic mending ability by hand and sewing machine
  • Organization and efficiency

Religious Advisor

$58,130 average annual salary

  • Education about religion and faith through various books, activities, social justice, music, tradition, travel
  • Evolve faith through experience and learning
  • Help understand spirituality to promote peace, healing, and union with God and others
  • sensitivity, empathy, and understanding
  • Ensure proper growth and relational development
  • Spiritual counsel and advice
  • Meet their spiritual, emotional, and relational goals
  • Meditation and contemplation

Protocol Officer

$71,135 average annual salary

  •  Research traditions and customs
  • Distinguish between time-honored tradition and mindless repetition
  • Knowledge of preferences and customs of each person
  • Prioritize welcome and respect
  • Educate daily on etiquette and customs for various situations
  • Minimize or eliminate any opportunity for embarrassment or offense
  • Establish and enforce consistency using logic
  • Develop itineraries and agendas
  • Identify security risks and create safety plans

Travel and Event Planner

$41,873 average annual salary

  • Research, suggest, and decide where to go, methods of transportation, car rentals, hotel accommodations, tours, and attractions
  • Advise about weather conditions, local customs, attractions, necessary documents, and currency exchange rates
  • Visualization
  • Organization and planning
  • Plan and execute ceremonies and special events     

Budget Analyst

$71,590 average annual salary

  • Manage family finances, analyze and prepare monthly expenditures
  • Estimate future financial needs
  • Research of domestic economic and spending trends
  • Develop projections based on past economic and spending trends
  • Technical analysis, monitoring spending for deviations, and preparing monthly and annual reports
  • Analyze investments and their market performance
  • Education about financial terms, issues, trends, economic history

Historian

$55,800 average annual salary

  • Organize data, and analyze and interpret its authenticity and relative significance
  • Gather historical data from sources such as archives, court records, diaries, news files, and photographs, as well as collect data sources such as books, pamphlets, and periodicals
  • Thorough investigative and research skills
  • Analyze and interpret information
  • Interest in human behaviour, culture and society
  • Enquiring mind

Personal Stylist

$50,346 average annual salary

  • Attention to detail
  • Analytical mind
  • Problem-solving ability
  • Knowledge of fabrics, colors, seasonal items, accessories, etiquette
  • Knowledge brands, designs, trends

Personal Chef

$62,282 average annual salary

  • Customize unique meal and snack plans
  • Skilled at recognizing flavors and judging the balance of seasonings
  • Knowledge of kitchen tools and appliances and their uses
  • Procure and organize various recipes
  • Shop for all groceries within budget
  • Prepare the meal in a timely manner
  • Clean up the kitchen to excellent standards
  • Store leftovers promptly

Chauffeur

$22,440 average annual salary

  • Transport people to various activities in a safe and timely manner
  • Stock vehicles with amenities
  • Keep vehicles shiny and clean
  • Vehicle maintenance and repair

Waste Management

$64,000 average annual salary

  • Plan, implement, and coordinate comprehensive waste systems designed to maximize waste prevention, reuse, and recycling opportunities.
  • Evaluate the success of plans and make changes as necessary.
  • Minimize the impact of waste to protect the environment.

Plumber

$50,620 average annual salary

  • Unclog sink drains and pipes as needed
  • Replace salt in home water softener
  • Humidify and/or dehumidify the air in home
  • Repair water supply lines, waste disposal systems, and related appliances and fixtures

Special Skills

  • Good at untying knots
  • Feeding picky children and spouse
  • Finder of lost things
  • Making shoddy rental houses comfy and homey
  • Empath
  • Introvert
  • Comforter
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Initiative
  • Time management
  • Stress management
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Excellent verbal and written communication

Research

I can research anything. I enjoy researching. I loved researching literary, psychological, and educational analyses in university – and all the details of citing the sources properly. I can find anything on Google. Over time, I just have learned the best keywords for a search. I can find the best whatever we’re looking for in minutes, before we move to a new base or city. I research what we’re learning about in our homeschool and design my own curriculum.

Frugal

We have learned to thrive with one income. We’ve learned to survive with one vehicle. I’ve worked with very tight budgets as we’ve raised and homeschooled four kids all over. We focus on eating well and traveling and living life to the fullest. We’re investing for the future with 529s, IRAs, mutual funds, life insurance, and retirement plans. We’re paying down debt.

Multitasking

I can do it all and do it well. When life gets hectic, I’m in charge to streamline everything. I have a great memory and seldom get sidetracked for long.

Adaptable

Things change. We’ve received written orders that have changed last minute. We had to cancel plans to travel on vacation in order to PCS. We’ve had extensions fall through. We’ve experienced deployments. I have to stay flexible. I have to be strong for my kids.

Critical Thinking

I don’t want my kids just to regurgitate information and blindly obey. I want them to know right from wrong and question everything – me, tradition, reality, authority – why? why? WHY?

Observation, analysis, interpretation, reflection, evaluation, inference, explanation, problem solving, and decision making

  • Understand the logical connections between ideas.
  • Determine the importance and relevance of arguments and ideas.
  • Recognise, build, and appraise arguments.
  • Identify inconsistencies and errors in reasoning.
  • Approach problems in a consistent and systematic way.
  • Reflect on the justification of their own assumptions, beliefs, and values.

Education

M.Ed. secondary English education, gifted endorsement

B.A. English literature with minor in psychology, cum laude

Summary

As a military spouse, I have some unique skills.

I may have developed these abilities anyway.

But my life is very different than it could have been because I married an Air Force officer, my dad retired from the Army Reserves, and both my parents worked as GS employees since forever.

Being a military spouse can be like having a full-time job. Much of the expertise I’ve developed over the years are highly transferable and marketable in the workforce.

All in different seasons and different bases, I have worked outside the house, stayed at home, worked from home, and considered going back to school. I have a master’s degree in education, so that’s essentially an expensive piece of paper at this point since I don’t want to go back to teach in a school.

Every day, I develop and further solidify impressive marketable life experience just by supporting my active duty husband, being a stay-at-home mom, and homeschooling my kids. 

I may not have an impressive résumé or curriculum vitae, but I know what my abilities are.

My worth is not only in what I do. My value is not in the income I bring or don’t bring into our household. As a wife, mother, and homeschooler, I have intrinsic value in the efficiency of my household management.

The TRUTH about the military spouse job search.

There’s little to no personal fulfillment.

Resources:

  • Motherwhelmed by Beth Berry
  • Jesus, the Gentle Parent by LR Knost
  • Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson
  • The Highly Sensitive Parent: Be Brilliant in Your Role, Even When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D
  • Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
  • The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life by Harriet Lerner
  • I’m So Effing Tired: A Proven Plan to Beat Burnout, Boost Your Energy, and Reclaim Your Life by Dr. Amy Shah, MD
  • Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld
  • Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World by Adam Grant
  • Good-Enough Mother: The Perfectly Imperfect Book of Parenting by René Syler and Karen Moline
  • The Mom Gap by Karen Gurney
  • The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life by Harriet Lerner

You might also like:

  • How much is a mom worth?
  • Mommy Guilt
  • Celebrating Holidays
  • Birthday Unit Study
  • Healing Mother
  • Standing Alone
  • Balancing Blogging and Mothering
  • Navigating Motherhood During Deployment
  • Childcare Crisis
You might also like:

Filed Under: Military Tagged With: homemaking, homeschool, Marriage, military, milspouse, motherhood

Top 10 Restaurants Near The Westgate NYC

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Please see my suggested resources.

October 25, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

Staying at the Westgate New York Grand Central Hotel, you’ll be in the heart of the city at 304 E 42nd Street, New York, NY 10017. As of August 2019, the Westgate NYC has added luxe rooms. See details on their website. If you can manage to pull yourself away from the hotel, you can easily access all midtown Manhattan has to offer: nightlife, theatre, art galleries, fine dining, and tours of historic landmarks. Dining out is one of the pleasures of visiting New York. To experience the local eateries of Murray Hill neighborhood, here are the top ten restaurants near the Westgate NYC.

Royal 35 Steakhouse

Lux steakhouse with impeccable food, service, and atmosphere. The use of mahogany, oak, and leather in the decor, adds to the luxurious setting where you can enjoy USDA prime beef that has been dry-aged for 30-35 days. Try the porterhouse, rib-eye, salmon cakes, german potatoes, and green beans. Private dining for events or business meetings is available.

Wokuni

Japanese restaurant that strives for the freshest seafood and professional service. They are focused on bringing Japanese cuisine to the world and sustainable fishing. Their newest venture is fish farming to expand their mission. Try the sashimi, black cod, and gyu-don, and experience the freshness.

Banc Cafe

Contemporary American restaurant in a 1920’s bank for a unique intimate atmosphere. They have styled the decor after Parisian brasseries from the nineteenth century. They also have a patio if you have your French poodle in tow. Try the Chinese dumplings, angel-hair pasta, hamburger, and fresh fruit martinis.

Bedford on Park

A new-American kosher restaurant, with a dimly-lit ambiance for an intimate dining experience. For a Kosher restaurant, it’s style and offerings are on the hipper side. Try the spare ribs, lamb bacon, cowboy steak, kale caesar, truffle fries, creme brulee, and chocolate chunk cookie.

VinoTapa

Spanish Tapas and bar with a vibrant atmosphere. Take a break from the hustle and bustle of New York City and relax the Spanish way, grazing on tapas with a bottle of red wine. Try the steak and charred avocado salad, fried calamari, fresh corn tapas, and sangria. They have plenty of gluten-free, vegan, and vegetarian options.

Vago Restaurant

Vago Restaurant is Italian,  with an emphasis on the Mediterranean diet. Vago means “beauty” in old Latin and inspires the cuisine and motif of this New York Italian eatery. Try the Chicken Parmigiano, grilled lobster tail, osso buco, lasagna, beet salad, and tiramisu. Take advantage of their daily specials and stop in on Wednesdays for live Jazz music.

Spice Symphony

Spice Symphony is an Indian and Chinese-Indian fusion restaurant that has a reputation for having the best Indian food in all of New York and New Jersey. A welcoming staff is pleasured to serve you a sumptuous and vibrant feast, colored by spice. Try the curried cauliflower, Tikki masala, lamb curry, and naan (Indian style flat-bread).

Coppola’s East

Enjoy a leisurely, classic Italian meal in this cozy neighborhood gem. Try the black linguine, fried calamari, and chicken parmesan. Have the server recommend a bottle from their extensive wine list. One of their secrets to their authentic southern Italian cuisine is home-made pasta and fresh daily ingredients.

Galata Restaurant

Galata offers modern Turkish and Mediterranean cuisine with attentive staff. Enjoy a simple and nutritious meal with vegetarian options. Try the shishkebob, falafel, lahmacun (Turkish style pizza), lamb shanks, and baklava. The private dining room is available for events and larger parties.

Docks Oyster Bar and Seafood Grill

Fresh, well-prepared seafood in a quintessential New York restaurant. It’s a substantial restaurant with multiple floors and maintains a casual but classy atmosphere. If you have got a large appetite, don’t miss the $30 bottomless brunch (including mimosas). Try the oyster bar and the key-lime pie. Great for drinks after exploring the city.

With all of these options and the proximity to the best of New York City, you are sure to have a memorable experience at the Westgate New York Grand Central Hotel. You can try a different cuisine every night depending on how long you are in town- Indian, Italian, Chinese-Indian fusion, Turkish, Mediterranean, Japanese, Spanish, and New American. Enjoy your stay in Murray Hill at the West Gate NYC and happy eating!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized

Stella & Dot’s Ultimate Holiday Edit

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Please see my suggested resources.

October 23, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

**This post contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links.

The holidays are coming and that means parties, hanging out with friends over brunch or drinks, sweaters and boots, and celebrating!

Stella & Dot has all your holiday essentials from makeup, jeweled accessories, and pretty sweaters.

I love unique details that make sweaters POP!

Buttons, puff sleeves, and different fabric panels are like built-in accessories. Pair these lovely sweaters with unique and classic jewelry from Stella & Dot for the perfect look for any occasion!

My favorite sweaters:

The Side Button Sweater

55% Cotton, 25% Viscose, 20% Nylon

I love classic black and white that goes with anything. Buttons are a great detail!

Get it here!

The Puff Sleeve Pullover

Updated with an elongated sleeve cuff to create long, sleek lines and in a super durable and soft Scuba Knit fabrication. 

Just like Anne of Green Gables, I love a puff sleeve! The long cuffs are elegant.

Get it here!

The Chevron V Pullover

Front Panel: 77% Nylon, 23% Cotton, Back Panel / Sleeve: 50% Nylon, 50% Cotton

I adore V necklines and this pretty fuzzy feminine pink!

Get it here!

Feminine sweaters with fun details and designs make the holidays warmer.

Shop the Ultimate Edit Collection on Stella & Dot Today! Share What You Love! Get the Digital Access kit and become a S&D Ambassador for $99!

Sign-up to be a Stella & Dot Stylist Today!
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Filed Under: Uncategorized

Celebrating All Saints’ and All Souls’ Days

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Please see my suggested resources.

October 21, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert 13 Comments

Halloween, All Saints and All Souls Days celebrate the natural new year, a time when traditionally the harvest is complete, and signs of winter begin to appear. In many religions, this is a holy time when it is believed that the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead is very thin and fragile.

Many of us don’t even know our family lines well enough to tell the stories, remember the memories, and pass on a legacy. Maybe it’s something we can begin for better stability?

Halloween or All Hallows (Holy) Eve is October 31.

All Saints’ Day on November 1, is an opportunity to honor all saintly people and to look forward to the upcoming festivals – Martinmas on November 11, and Saint Nicholas on December 6th.

November 2, All Souls’ Day, is an opportunity to remember family members and friends who have passed. People remember, tell stories, and pray to those who passed on to ask for blessings.  Food is shared and sometimes left out overnight for the visiting spirits.

Samhain 1994

by Cathal Ó Searcaigh

Anocht agus mé ag meabhrú go mór fá mo chroí

Gan de sholas ag lasadh an tí ach fannsholas gríosaí

Smaointím airsean a dtug mé gean dó fadó agus gnaoi.

A Dhia, dá mba fharraige an dorchadas a bhí eadrainn

Dhéanfainn long den leabaidh seo anois agus threabhfainn

Tonnta tréana na cumhaí anonn go cé a chléibhe…

Tá sé ar shiúl is cha philleann sé chugam go brách

Ach mar a bhuanaíonn an t-éan san ubh, an crann sa dearcán;

Go lá a bhrátha, mairfidh i m’anamsa, gin dá ghrá.

English translation by Nigel McLoughlin:

Tonight as I search the depths of my heart,

in the dark of the house and the last ember-light,

I’m thinking of one I loved long ago.

And if the darkness between us became like the sea,

I’d make a boat of this bed, plunge its bow

through the waves that barge the heart’s quay.

Although he is gone and won’t ever be back,

I’ll guard in my soul the last spark of his love,

like the bird in the egg and the tree in the nut.

History

In the early years of the Christian faith, there was a consistent effort to eradicate pagan practices and to replace these with Christian festivals. The Roman Catholic church changed the Celtic Samhain festival and the Roman Feast of the Lamures and renamed them “All Hallows’ Eve,” in an attempt to turn peoples’ thinking away from a focus on the fright of death and ghosts and towards the many saints advocating for Christians in the Kingdom of Heaven. All Saints’ Day was established as the first of November with All Hallows’ Eve replacing the festival of Samhain. All Saints’ Day was probably first started by Pope Boniface IV, who consecrated the Pantheon at Rome to the Virgin Mary and all the Martyrs on May 13, 609 AD.

In the Catholic Church, All Saints’ Day is a “holy day of obligation.” Attendance at mass is a requirement on these days. All Saints’ Day is also commemorated by members of the Eastern Orthodox Church as well as some protestant churches, such as Lutheran and Anglican churches.

All Souls’ Day was established in the early fifth century with a similar intention. This day is not a holy day of obligation. The more sanctified remembering of those who have died help new Christians relate to the departed in a less frightening, or less pagan way.

Lá Féile na Marbh

On the eve of All Souls’ Day in Ireland, families lit a candle in the window to guide the souls of the Dead back to their old homes. As the veil between the worlds thinned, a sluagh, or host, of spirits walked the land, and encountered the same hospitality the Celts have always shown the living, Doors and windows were left unfastened, and any passage through the house that they once used was kept open. The table was laid with the best white cloth, and special food was left out for them to enjoy.

Until quite recently in the Irish Gaeltacht, families kept a seomra thiar, or “room to the West” – sometimes just an alcove or nook–where they placed objects that reminded them of departed ones. At sunset, the family solemnly turned towards the setting sun and spent time in loving remembrance of them. A candle was lit for each soul, then the whole family sat down to a communal feast in their honor.

It was once widely believed that the souls of the faithful departed would return to their family home on All Soul’s Night. Great care was taken to make them feel welcome.

Rituals included sweeping the floor clean, lighting a good fire, and placing the poker and tongs in the shape of a cross on the hearth. A bowl of spring water was put on the table, along with a place setting for each deceased relative. In some areas, children would go “soul-caking” – they’d visit neighbors and beg for cakes in exchange for prayers to be said for the dead.

Families would usually retire early, but before they did, many of them went to the cemetery where their loved ones were buried. They would say prayers for each departed family member, make sure the gravesites were neat and tidy, and then they would leave a candle burning on each grave.

During evening prayers, the family would again light a candle for each of their departed relatives . Often, a candle would be placed in the window of a room where a relative had died. Or, it might be placed in a window that faced in the direction of the cemetery. Then, when evening prayers were over, the candles would either be extinguished or left to burn out.

The door was always left unlatched.

Historically, the Celtic nations have always had a great respect for their ancestors and they believed that at certain times of year, the boundaries between mortals and the souls of the dead cease to exist. This is especially true of the “Three Nights of the End of Summer” – Hallowe’en, Samhain, and All Soul’s Day. The ancients also believed that the dead were the repositories of wisdom and lore and that one of the reasons they return is to speak to their descendants.

Its from these visits by a beloved ancestor that the more fortunate among us are given two very special gifts: the ability to remember old days and old ways, and a deeper understanding of how we are forever linked by blood to the past – and to the future. Source

Ideas for Celebration:

  • Learn about El Día de los Muertos/The Day of the Dead. This is a lovely site with timelines, history, traditions, and recipes.
  • Put out photos of loved ones who have passed away. Tell stories about their lives.
  • Share a harvest meal with friends and family.
  • Light candles inside and outside – in jack o’ lanterns or votive holder or pretty decorative autumn globes.
  • Plant flower bulbs in remembrance and in promise of spring!
  • Kids Party Games
  • Activities for Kids
  • Kids Party Ideas
  • Watch or read Coco.
  • Printables from Shower of Roses
  • A Slice of Smith Life
  • Attend church services. Or do these prayer services at home.
  • Visit a memorial in your city.
  • Visit a cemetery. Bonus if there are famous people or family members or passed friends.
  • Go on a history walk in your town. Our town offers ghost walks about town founders and important people.
  • Go to a thin place and feel the Spirit. Pray and thank Her for the past year and the future year.

It is certainly a good idea around Halloween to help little ones think loving thoughts about our beloved ancestors. To remember them and think of them watching over us with interest and affection can help us all feel protected in this time of year as the days of light turn to the days of darkness.

Resources:

  • The Rhythm of the Christian Year: Renewing the Religious Cycle of Festivals by Emil Bock
  • Festivals with Children by Brigitte Barz
  • The Tao of Jesus: A Book of Days for the Natural Year by John Beverley Butcher
  • All Saints: Daily Reflections on Saints, Prophets, and Witnesses for Our Time by Robert Ellsberg
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Filed Under: Faith Tagged With: faith, fall, folklore, saint

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