I did something differently this morning.
I didn’t shame my kids. I made a decision to be gentle and not angry.
I chose relationship over dysfunction.
I opened the dishwasher and noticed some of the dishes weren’t clean. A large plate blocked the spinny thing from spinning.
Ordinarily, I would be angry and take it out on my daughter (she loaded the dishwasher last night).
But I realize that she really doesn’t know sometimes. And I expect her to just know without my taking the time to teach her. And then I get upset. When it’s my fault for not teaching and guiding.
Shaming isn’t healthy nor does it produce any good results.
So, I calmly asked my daughter to check the dishwasher.
She went and looked and came back to report that it was fine.
I asked her how the dishwasher worked.
She waved her hand in a spinny motion.
I asked her to check the spinny thing.
She came in and lied that it spun just fine.
I still didn’t get upset.
I asked her to check the big blue plate that might be blocking the spinny thing. If the spinny thing didn’t spin, then the dishes wouldn’t get clean.
She went back to recheck. She admitted that it didn’t spin and asked if she needed to rerun the dishwasher.
I told her to take out the blue plate and go ahead and load the breakfast plates since there was lots of room. And rerun the dishwasher. And be more aware in the future instead of loading the dishwasher to block the spinny thing.
It was much better than our usual exchanges.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Psalm 32:8
Read my other posts: 31 Days of Dying to Self and 31 Days of Servant Leadership
Linking up: Enchanted Homeschooling Mom, My Joy-Filled Life
I am on this same journey. One thing I noted to myself the other day is that I expect more than I should because I’m with them all day and know their ability. But, their ability doesn’t match where they are emotionally and in their maturity.
yes, I’m seeing that too and I’ve almost ruined Liz. She’s shutting down and I have to go back, back, back to reclaim her heart.
Oh my goodness Jennifer, I am the same way. I get upset with things like that and then I realize that I can’t expect them to do their job right or well if I don’t teach them how. Sometimes I think I expect too much for my kids and that often leads to frustration, disappointment and anger.
Thanks for the reminder and for linking up at Mom 2 Mom!
Great advice! Thx for linking this up at the Thoughful Spot!