A Mother’s Résumé

I haven’t worked at a “real job” for at least a dozen years.

It’s frustrating that introductory small talk still focuses on “What do you do?” and is disdainful or even scornful of motherhood as a vocation. People even dare ask or mention that my education was a waste. It’s like my only worth is in a salary or job for pay outside my home.

These microaggressions don’t endear me to people whom I’ve just met. They dismiss me as unimportant because I don’t have a salary and it’s so frustrating.

Motherhood isn’t valued in American culture. Homeschooling is still considered weird.

There’s little purpose to keeping up my LinkedIn profile.

I can’t imagine going back to teach at any school, at any level. I sometimes miss the classroom, but the hassles and negatives don’t outweigh the few positives. I don’t have current state certification and I don’t have any desire to jump through hoops to recertify.

If you hired someone to do the work of maintaining a household, especially if you have children, the cost would be approximately $ 90,000 a year. This is what a “traditional” at-home spouse would get paid today to clean the house, be a personal shopper and personal assistant, run errands, and take care of the children.

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman, Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams,  Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D.,

Things You Didn’t Put on Your Résumé

How often you got up in the middle of the night
when one of your children had a bad dream,

and sometimes you woke because you thought
you heard a cry but they were all sleeping,

so you stood in the moonlight just listening
to their breathing, and you didn’t mention

that you were an expert at putting toothpaste
on tiny toothbrushes and bending down to wiggle

the toothbrush ten times on each tooth while
you sang the words to songs from Annie, and

who would suspect that you know the fingerings
to the songs in the first four books of the Suzuki

Violin Method and that you can do the voices
of Pooh and Piglet especially well, though

your absolute favorite thing to read out loud is
Bedtime for Frances and that you picked

up your way of reading it from Glynis Johns,
and it is, now that you think of it, rather impressive

that you read all of Narnia and all of the Ring Trilogy
(and others too many to mention here) to them

before they went to bed and on the way out to
Yellowstone, which is another thing you don’t put

on the résumé: how you took them to the ocean
and the mountains and brought them safely home.

~Joyce Sutphen

As a mother for the past 19 years, I can attest to having quite an impressive work history and specific skill set.

The mental workload of being a mother far outweighs any “job” I’ve ever had.

As a teacher in various school and classroom environments, then as a homeschool educator for the last 15 years, I honed my expertise by focusing on my students’ unique needs.

As a military spouse, I retained my skills and honed a lot of new ones over the last decade and a half.

There are no gaps in my work history. I worked constantly, year-round, daily, overnights, with no vacation days, through sickness and injury, and during two deployments with no assistance or support.

Experience

Director of Child Development

$39,744 average annual salary

• Oversee social, academic, and emotional development of students from birth until adulthood
• Develop educational programs and standards
• Design program plans, oversee daily activities, and prepare budget for activities and curriculum
• Support gross and fine motor skills
• Maintain instructional excellence

Educational Leadership

$88,390 average annual salary

• Knowledge of pedagogy and methodology
• Relationship building
• Continuing education in field regarding trends, concerns, issues
• Global mindset
• Plan cross-curricular lessons for various ages, abilities, interests
• Conflict resolution
• Extensive library
• Use of technology
• Personalize feedback on student assignments
• Advise students regarding academic courses and career opportunities
• Encourage students to present their views and participate in discussion
• Share personal experiences and values
• Record keeping

Project Management

$134,182 average annual salary

• Initiating, planning, executing, controlling, and closing the work of a team to achieve specific goals and meet specific success criteria at the specified time.
• Establish expectations
• Be proactive
• Organization
• Risk management
• Delegation
• Teamwork
• Growth Mindset

Life Coach

$46,678 average annual salary

• Discuss needs and goals
• Develop strategies and plans
• Keep records of progress
• Evaluation
• Adjust goal strategies as needed
• Assist manage stress and increase productivity
• Excellent listening and questioning skills
• Confidence to challenge in a caring way
• Support goal-setting, personal growth, and behavior modification 

Domestic Engineer

$59,496 average annual salary

• Oversee operations of all systems and procedures
• Budget for and allocated appropriate expenditures
• Delegate operational tasks to promote equal labor division
• Maintain cleanliness and sanitation of all work, play, and living areas
• Food purchasing, preparation, and storage
• Multi-tasking
• Home economics
• Laundry expertise
• Basic mending ability by hand and sewing machine
• Organization and efficiency

Religious Advisor

$58,130 average annual salary

• Education about religion and faith through various books, activities, social justice, music, tradition, travel
• Evolve faith through experience and learning
• Help understand spirituality to promote peace, healing, and union with God and others
• sensitivity, empathy, and understanding
• Ensure proper growth and relational development
• Spiritual counsel and advice
• Meet their spiritual, emotional, and relational goals
• Meditation and contemplation

Protocol Officer

$71,135 average annual salary

•  Research traditions and customs
• Distinguish between time-honored tradition and mindless repetition
• Knowledge of preferences and customs of each person
• Prioritize welcome and respect
• Educate daily on etiquette and customs for various situations
• Minimize or eliminate any opportunity for embarrassment or offense
• Establish and enforce consistency using logic
• Develop itineraries and agendas
• Identify security risks and create safety plans

Travel and Event Planner

$41,873 average annual salary

• Research, suggest, and decide where to go, methods of transportation, car rentals, hotel accommodations, tours, and attractions
• Advise about weather conditions, local customs, attractions, necessary documents, and currency exchange rates
• Visualization
• Organization and planning
• Plan and execute ceremonies and special events     

Budget Analyst

$71,590 average annual salary

• Manage family finances, analyze and prepare monthly expenditures
• Estimate future financial needs
• Research of domestic economic and spending trends
• Develop projections based on past economic and spending trends
• Technical analysis, monitoring spending for deviations, and preparing monthly and annual reports
• Analyze investments and their market performance
• Education about financial terms, issues, trends, economic history

Historian

$55,800 average annual salary

• Organize data, and analyze and interpret its authenticity and relative significance
• Gather historical data from sources such as archives, court records, diaries, news files, and photographs, as well as collect data sources such as books, pamphlets, and periodicals
• Thorough investigative and research skills
• Analyze and interpret information
• Interest in human behaviour, culture and society
• Enquiring mind

Personal Stylist

$50,346 average annual salary

• Attention to detail
• Analytical mind
• Problem-solving ability
• Knowledge of fabrics, colors, seasonal items, accessories, etiquette
• Knowledge brands, designs, trends

Personal Chef

$62,282 average annual salary

• Customize unique meal and snack plans
• Skilled at recognizing flavors and judging the balance of seasonings
• Knowledge of kitchen tools and appliances and their uses
• Procure and organize various recipes
• Shop for all groceries within budget
• Prepare the meal in a timely manner
• Clean up the kitchen to excellent standards
• Store leftovers promptly

Chauffeur

$22,440 average annual salary

• Transport people to various activities in a safe and timely manner
• Stock vehicles with amenities
• Keep vehicles shiny and clean
• Vehicle maintenance and repair

Waste Management

$64,000 average annual salary

• Plan, implement, and coordinate comprehensive waste systems designed to maximize waste prevention, reuse, and recycling opportunities.
• Evaluate the success of plans and make changes as necessary.
• Minimize the impact of waste to protect the environment.

Plumber

$50,620 average annual salary

• Unclog sink drains and pipes as needed
• Replace salt in home water softener
• Humidify and/or dehumidify the air in home
• Repair water supply lines, waste disposal systems, and related appliances and fixtures

Special Skills

• Good at untying knots
• Feeding picky children and spouse
• Finder of lost things
• Making shoddy rental houses comfy and homey
• Empath
• Introvert
• Comforter
• Creativity
• Innovation
• Initiative
• Time management
• Stress management
• Interpersonal relationships
• Excellent verbal and written communication

Research

I can research anything. I enjoy researching. I loved researching literary, psychological, and educational analyses in university – and all the details of citing the sources properly. I can find anything on Google. Over time, I just have learned the best keywords for a search. I can find the best whatever we’re looking for in minutes, before we move to a new base or city. I research what we’re learning about in our homeschool and design my own curriculum.

Frugal

We have learned to thrive with one income. We’ve learned to survive with one vehicle. I’ve worked with very tight budgets as we’ve raised and homeschooled four kids all over. We focus on eating well and traveling and living life to the fullest. We’re investing for the future with 529s, IRAs, mutual funds, life insurance, and retirement plans. We’re paying down debt.

Multitasking

I can do it all and do it well. When life gets hectic, I’m in charge to streamline everything. I have a great memory and seldom get sidetracked for long.

Adaptable

Things change. We’ve received written orders that have changed last minute. We had to cancel plans to travel on vacation in order to PCS. We’ve had extensions fall through. We’ve experienced deployments. I have to stay flexible. I have to be strong for my kids.

Critical Thinking

I don’t want my kids just to regurgitate information and blindly obey. I want them to know right from wrong and question everything – me, tradition, reality, authority – why? why? WHY?

Observation, analysis, interpretation, reflection, evaluation, inference, explanation, problem solving, and decision making

• Understand the logical connections between ideas.
• Determine the importance and relevance of arguments and ideas.
• Recognise, build, and appraise arguments.
• Identify inconsistencies and errors in reasoning.
• Approach problems in a consistent and systematic way.
• Reflect on the justification of their own assumptions, beliefs, and values.

Education

M.Ed. secondary English education, gifted endorsement

B.A. English literature with minor in psychology, cum laude

Summary

As a military spouse, I have some unique skills.

I may have developed these abilities anyway.

But my life is very different than it could have been because I married an Air Force officer, my dad retired from the Army Reserves, and both my parents worked as GS employees since forever.

Being a military spouse can be like having a full-time job. Much of the expertise I’ve developed over the years are highly transferable and marketable in the workforce.

All in different seasons and different bases, I have worked outside the house, stayed at home, worked from home, and considered going back to school. I have a master’s degree in education, so that’s essentially an expensive piece of paper at this point since I don’t want to go back to teach in a school.

Every day, I develop and further solidify impressive marketable life experience just by supporting my active duty husband, being a stay-at-home mom, and homeschooling my kids. 

I may not have an impressive résumé or curriculum vitae, but I know what my abilities are.

My worth is not only in what I do. My value is not in the income I bring or don’t bring into our household. As a wife, mother, and homeschooler, I have intrinsic value in the efficiency of my household management.

The TRUTH about the military spouse job search.

There’s little to no personal fulfillment.

Resources:

• Motherwhelmed by Beth Berry
• Jesus, the Gentle Parent by LR Knost
• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson
• The Highly Sensitive Parent: Be Brilliant in Your Role, Even When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D
• Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
• The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life by Harriet Lerner
• I’m So Effing Tired: A Proven Plan to Beat Burnout, Boost Your Energy, and Reclaim Your Life by Dr. Amy Shah, MD
• Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld
• Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World by Adam Grant
• Good-Enough Mother: The Perfectly Imperfect Book of Parenting by René Syler and Karen Moline
• The Mom Gap by Karen Gurney
• The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life by Harriet Lerner

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• Mommy Guilt
• Celebrating Holidays
• Birthday Unit Study
• Healing Mother
• Standing Alone
• Balancing Blogging and Mothering
• Navigating Motherhood During Deployment
• Childcare Crisis