It’s almost impossible to self-heal from a distorted perception of love.

Ten years of seeking, reading, praying, forgetting, moving on, learning.

The past still seeps in.

Growing up isolated, feeling less-than, lost, confused.

That child is still in there, frightened and anxious, peering out from wary adult eyes.

Broken relationships – friendships, marriages, acquaintances.

Leaving first, before the chance of pain.

The strong façade covers the pain and fear. The show must go on.

Academics replace anything messy and real.

Love is messy.

Breaking the cycle of fear and disorder.

Learning to let real love in.

Like Pandora’s box spilling out the ugly before it can be refilled with beauty.

It’s difficult to accept love from others, even God, when you don’t know what real love is.

Love isn’t a Disney movie. Love isn’t a happily ever after. Love isn’t easy. Love isn’t temporary.

Love is work.

As a parent, I owe it to my family to learn to love well. Despite my past. Despite my feelings. Despite my brokenness.

Let the work begin.