I am a blogger.

I love Jesus.

But I don’t want to be considered a Christian Blogger.

Within the blogging realm and Christian world, there are just too many pressures to name.

I am always learning new strategy for blogging. I refuse to compromise my principles. I am always honing my worldview and I want to learn as much as I can about everything so I can live well for Jesus.

People take offense to everything. There’s always someone getting her panties in a wad over something.

Everyone loves labels.

Christian. Blogger. Wife. Mom. Homeschooler. Daughter. Military spouse.

I get it. It makes lots of people comfortable to file everyone away into safe little cubby-holes.

There are oodles of Christian blogger groups on Facebook and Google+. I quit them all. So much judgmentalism.

I just want to be me.

And why, oh why, does it ever have to be about denomination?

I often gloss over topics I post, too scared to write what I really think and feel, too worried about offending. Those who know me in real life certainly know I rarely open my mouth without absolute truth flowing free.

I am me.

I spent almost thirty years changing myself so people would like me.

It was exhausting. Two failed marriages. Countless broken friendships. So much heartache.

I was consumed with trying to be who I thought society wanted me to be.

But eventually, I started listening to that still small voice and it started drowning out the lies I’d been hearing.

I don’t fit into a neat little box.

My pastor’s wife once showed surprise that I had not been raised as a Christian. I started attending church quite late in my 20s. It was still a very rocky and long road to learn to learn to become a godly wife and parent.

I wonder why she was surprised though? Am I so complacent in my faith walk that it seemed like I had never strayed? Or am I too good at covering up my past filthy sinful life?

I suppose it was a compliment – but I don’t receive those well and overanalyzed it, as usual.

A bloggy friend of mine recently expressed that blogging is exhausting. She recently got two email replies to the same newsletter:

1) the reader demanding to be removed from the email list due to a difference in faith opinion

and

2) a praise to the high heavens and thanking her for her writing.

I can’t please everyone all the time and I shouldn’t even try.

I just need to be who God made me to be. I need to write what God places on my heart, however hard it is sometimes.

Sometimes I use bad language. I drink wine and beer and sometimes even a mixed drink. I yell at my kids when they act stupid. Sometimes I holler at them when I’m tired and/or frustrated. I get mad at my husband for dumb stuff. I watch horror movies. My teen daughters watch horror shows and movies. I am often ashamed of myself.

I’m not perfect.

But I am forgiven.

I shouldn’t feel obligated to confess or apologize to you unless I personally sin against you. But I lie awake at night worrying about social media and the blog and if you like me. And you don’t even know me.

You only know what I allow you to see.

I’m not one to spout Bible verses on Facebook because I know how that can hurt when people don’t understand.

I read all sorts of blogs with all sorts of different topics. They are all good but many would be probably offensive to most of you. So I seldom share them.

“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. Matthew 10:16

I like to know what’s going on in the world and I want to view many different opinions before I make a decision. I don’t want to be biased. Many Christians are so very narrow-minded. I’m raising my children to be aware of the world with its evils and wonders. I want our family to be courteous and respectful, but not ignorant.

I want us to seek good and always be delighted when we find it.

I know many, many Christians who run the gamut and totally blast any stereotypes out of the water.

Blue hair and liberal politics. Essential oils, herbs, babywearing, and nursing until the kid is five. Skirt-wearing, conservative, homesteading. Keeping the Torah laws. Large family, no TV, hymn-singing, no make-up. Only child, special needs, living in an RV. Praying through all circumstances on faith, no debt, living on a prayer. Bohemian, living in the margins of society, tattoos, piercings. Cleavage showing, cropped bleached hair, blended family, adopted kids of all shades from all over the world. Fat, voluptuous, skinny. Pushing a cutting edge trend or ultra conservative. Black, brown, white. Working moms, SAHMs, WAHMs, bloggers, writers, teachers, homeschoolers…

It’s all war.

Does it really matter?

If I wear makeup or watch TV or blog in the nude (I don’t, but you’d never know!), why do you care?

Do my personal choices infringe on your family discipleship plans? Then don’t read it. Keep scrolling.

Does it matter what I do if I have love? Because I don’t think it matters so much what you do, as long as you love others. The little things are between you and God. And perhaps your husband and children and certain family and friends. It’s all really about relationships.

When Christian bloggers have to crowdsource whether they should attend a sibling’s gay wedding, I think they may have missed the big picture. When judging occurs at the expense of love, that’s a problem. She asked for permission to sever a close relationship. And she received a resounding YES from other Christians!

This is why I no longer write for other blogs.

I recently saw an ad to a conference “for successful Christian bloggers.”

I wonder what they consider “success.” Success in the world? Or in God’s kingdom? Because they are two totally different things and they constantly war within me as I struggle with setting boundaries and standards for my online presence without selling my soul – and yet this is more than a ministry. It is a lil business.

Bloggers seems to have a whole lot of influence, and marketers capitalize on this by offering products and services for review. I’m tempted all the time to get something for free, even if I know it doesn’t suit my family or it may compromise my values. And yet I see bloggers with reviews on their blogs for all these crazy things, and I just wonder: what is it that’s important to them? What are their values and boundaries?

As a lover of Jesus, I am called to be “not of this world.” I’m already thinking ahead. I’m trying to live now like it should be. On earth as it is in heaven. In the now.

 If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. John 15:19

I am no expert at anything.

So many Christians are in “the first part of their lives” and rely on rules and legalism…yet they never make it to “the second part” of spiritual maturity with unconditional love and the fruit of the Spirit. They know the Bible and spout verses to represent exclusivity. They miss the point of unconditional love and what Jesus teaches.

I seldom attend church. Are you shocked?

I no longer use the term Christian or evangelical. Those words just mean hate these days.

I love Jesus.

I don’t want to be a Christian blogger.

I just want to write.

I love it when people comment that my views and experiences help them.

Walking on water.