Are you in the middle of a dark November crisis?
The dreaded holidays
approach.
The winter gatherings creep toward loneliness, greed, accusation…and we tend to feel unable, inferior, invisible.
For so many, the holidays remind of bad memories, unmet expectations, disappointments.
With the early nights and dreary days come the work parties, family dinners, church potlucks, and all those social obligations.
I’ve never been successful to paste on a smile and fake it.
I’d like to hibernate until March.
My heart feel heavy within me. I am weighed down with the loss of loved ones, the loss of opportunities, the shifting of hopes and dreams.
As many people eagerly await the birth Jesus, it’s hard for me to lift up my heart.
As many plan to celebrate and sing with joy, I often find the days gray and my tongue unable to rejoice.
God knows the emptiness I sometimes feel. God knows the feelings of abandonment, anger, loneliness, and depression I feel. God knows me from the depths of my heart, and God sits with me as I learn to be whole.
I can be assured of God’s love and compassion. He can handle my darkest fears. I can rail at him and ask, “Why?!” I don’t have to hide my tears or sad face from him.
We don’t have to continue any traditions that leave us broke or in debt, stressed out, overwhelmed, tired.
A simple holiday can be a better holiday.
There really are no obligations. You can say no. You don’t have to explain or justify.
I don’t attend many holiday events. I don’t really like parties. My husband is organizing a greening of our church potluck/Friendsgiving for Advent. I’m planning a longest night service.
We stopped sending cards. They seem impersonal and wasteful in this age of social media.
We have always lived too far away to visit my parents or his sisters.
We stopped gift-giving with adults and extended family. We barely have a relationship beyond our immediate family and the gifts were not heartfelt, but just duty.
We minimize decorating.
We streamline celebration meals with our little family. Pinterest perfection is not the goal. We cook and eat what we like!
We limit presents to our kids and prefer experiences over stuff.
Then there’s sometimes still disappointment. The dreary days trudge on towards spring and warmth that seems so far away.
There is hope in the dark.
Reach out to others.
You may be someone’s lifeline during these dark days of winter.
Light a candle.
I will light candles this Christmas;
Candles of joy despite all sadness,
Candles of hope where despair keeps watch,
Candles of courage for fears ever present,
Candles of peace for tempest-tossed days,
Candles of grace to ease heavy burdens,
Candles of love to inspire all my living,
Candles that will burn all the year long.
When the song of the angels is stilled,
When the star in the sky is gone,
When the kings and princes are home,
When the shepherds are back with their flock,
The work of Christmas begins:
To find the lost,
To heal the broken,
To feed the hungry,
To release the prisoner,
To rebuild the nations,
To bring peace among others,
To make music in the heart.
~Howard Thurman
Next time you pass the peace in your church, try passing the hope instead:
“We wouldn’t be the same without you. Hope be with you.”
And the response: “And also with you.”
Let hope burn bright.
Christmas is for the abused & oppressed. Christmas was an act of resistance against all that is evil.
“Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease.”
Though you may be wrapping gifts, planning special meals, and spending time with family and friends, I hope you will also take time to allow the Advent darkness to do its work as well.
Richard Rohr
Hope (and peace) be with you, Jennifer!
I’m so sorry for the loss of your loved ones. Praying God will comfort you in your grief.
Hope is beautiful. Thank you for your thoughtful post.
You and your family have taken some strong measures to make sure the reason for the season is in focus and the priority over all the other “stuff” that tends to distract us, Jennifer. I am taking those kinds of measures too but am an empty-nester, so it seems a bit easier for me now than when my kids were under-roof. Thanks for sharing your wise approach with us!
I love the holidays, but i have to admit the luster is gone on much of it b/c of the obligation that comes with it. Buy gifts, wrap gifts, cook meals, make cookies, go to events and on it goes. I like your suggestion to move toward simplicity. I’m going to try to keep that word in mind. thanks
Jennifer, are you familiar with Dr. Michelle Bengtson and her wonderful book HOPE PREVAILS? I believe this book will help you tremendously. xo
yes, thanks. It was gifted to me by a reader and it’s on my reading table!
I love the picture you paint of a truer holiday season. Why on earth do we rob ourselves of the heavenly joys available in a humbler, kinder celebration of our Savior. Thanks for your heartfelt honesty!
Your words are beautiful.
Wow, this is exactly how I feel. I’m not a big party person and we’ve cut way back on gift giving. We also talked to the kids and they prefer family activities over unnecessary gifts.
I’m sorry this is a time of struggling for you. We tend to go for experiences rather than things with our family as well. It’s really made Christmas a time my legally grown children (they’ll always be my children) want to come home! I love that! May God grant you the peace and simple joys of this season!
Thank you.
Sorry that you find this time of year so hard. It’s definitely the time of year when I start thinking more and more about my dear Dad who we lost 5 years ago. It can be a hard thing to deal with that loss in what is supposed to be such a happy time. Sending hugs. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
Thanks! It can be hard.
Jennifer, you are more on target than you think. What if I told you that Jesus celebrated the season by lighting candles and praying? He did, we have proof in the scriptures that he celebrated Hanukkah. What if I told you that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He never changes and he never okayed what we call Christmas. God gave us the appointed holidays and feast days and the scriptures say we are to celebrate these forever. It is something to think about isn’t it. God bless you and may your and your family be blessed this season. Thank you for sharing at Home Sweet Home.
Thank you!
I understand the history and we celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas in our own way.