I recently had a birthday.

You know, those things that make you reflect on the past and future and the present. I am not ashamed to say that I am 36 years old. I am proud of every wrinkle and blemish in my history (and on my body) that got me here.

God makes all things work together for good, right? All those broken roads led me to where I am right now. That was my wedding song. 

So, I’ve been making some small changes lately.

Some people have questioned me: am I going through a mid-life crisis or something?

I think they are just improvements, or something to the effect of becoming the butterfly I was meant to be.

I recently dyed my hair reddish blonde.

Part of that is because my husband commented that he liked a woman’s hair color in a restaurant a few weeks ago.

He rarely compliments me, so I think that’s the insecurity still peeking through. But I’ve always loved red hair and mine was in sore need of a change. I used to have gorgeous blonde highlights, but I haven’t colored my hair in about three years. It sure needed something. I think I could even go a brighter red next time. That first step was the hardest. I can be daring now!

I’ve been trying to exercise and run and eat less and better.

I’ve lost several pounds!

I think what it is, is that I’m finally starting to feel comfortable with myself. I know I have room to improve and I am taking steps toward who I want to be.

I’m just now starting to feel good about myself after so many years of struggling with…everything. Education? Work? Marriage? Children? Appearance? Spiritual life? Social life? Pulled in so many directions…I often feel like a failure at so much.

I want my kids to look back and remember their mom as a happy and healthy and beautiful lady.

I want to have energy to play with them and make memories. I want to teach them healthy habits. I want them to be independent adults. I have a whole post knocking around about how I finally feel like a (sorta) successful homeschool mom. Just recently started feeling comfortable with wrangling four kids through an educational experience day in and day out.

The other day, I took the kids to the park. I ran with Tori and Katie. I encourage the kids to play outside often, at least daily. We like to eat. We like to cook. We make our own breads, including pizza and English muffins. We make some awesome ice cream, y’all. We can smoke some amazing BBQ. We love soup. We all eat together as a family every day; usually the kids and I have breakfast and lunch together and dad joins us for dinner. Dad’s on duty on weekends! I require everyone to try a little of everything that is served, even if it’s just a tiny bite. I love vegetables and I serve at least two for dinner, and salad almost every night. Fruit is offered for breakfast and lunch. We eat lots of yogurt. It was one of Alex’s first words.

As for spiritual matters, I began reading through the Bible using a 7 day reading plan at New Year’s and I have stuck with it! I’ve gotten behind a few days here and there, but I’ve always caught up and I am on track! I usually read right before bed because that’s when it’s quiet and it helps me wind down for the night. I sure sleep better after I’ve read God’s Word. For the kiddos, we’re currently reviewing a Bible curriculum that I’m pretty excited about. I’ll be posting on that later this month. We needed something more hands on and that included something for all the kids’ levels.

I’m really trying to change my spending habits.

I admit it. I like stuff. But I shop for clothes mostly at thrift and consignment stores. I have cleaned house this last week while Aaron was out of town on business. I donated 5 bags of stuff and sold 4 bags of stuff to consignment, along with several large baby items we no longer need.

I am downsizing the kids’ clothes and toys. Once they outgrow the clothing they have, we’re being very selective in what we purchase. We’re slowly pulling ourselves out of debt. I am trying to differentiate between needs and wants. I want a lot. I know some people who have virtually nothing in their homes. I wonder if they’re happier or just too busy to care. Being home all the time, I want choices. I know we have too many choices.

I sure plan to remove distractions when we move next time. Baby and toddler and preschool items will no longer be needed and we sure have too much of all that. Don’t touch my books. Don’t talk to me about my kitchen tools. I need every. single. one.

So, happy birthday to me.

No crisis. Just improvement. I have a 5k to train for so I can run with the girls on their 2.5k!