The Dirty Dozen Apps

Some reality in the trenches of homeschooling and parenting.

Just because we proclaim to be Christians. Just because we teach with Bible stories and scripture. Just because we attend church and Sunday school regularly as a family.

It doesn’t mean we don’t have struggles.

I admit that I am jealous of seeing all the idyllic social media statuses and blog posts of teenagers who are doing amazing things, giving of themselves to the world, helping around the house, teaching younger siblings as role models.

We don’t really have that.

Despite all the “Raising Servant Leaders” and parenting books and webinars and blog posts and implementing this and that positive parenting method…

It seems like wishful thinking.

There’s been a gap somewhere with our eldest.

I think the breakdown began years ago, online.

It escalated last summer, with G+ communities.

When SciFi Goes Bad

I began encouraging her to have more freedom. I felt that G+ was a lesser of the social media evils.

I wasn’t ready to introduce her to Facebook. She doesn’t have a smartphone, so Instagram wasn’t an option.

She began writing for the blog and I started to teach her about blogging. I know some other bloggers whose teens are VAs in training and this was our goal.

I monitored her online use but respected her privacy. She joined some teen and homeschool communities. She circled some other homeschool teens.

She liked geeky and Sci-Fi RPG with Marvel and Doctor Who characters. I assumed this was harmless. She was writing fan fiction. All seemed well.

Her behavior became quite erratic and hormonal episodes escalated.

I figured it was the stress of moving and all the ups and downs of being in limbo, living on the road and in TLF for over a month.

I wish it had been just that. I could’ve easily handled that.

I could even handle drugs. Those are tangible monsters I can see.

The RPG groups became a portal into other worlds that I didn’t know existed (and I know about quite a lot).

If you browse the G+ teen communities, you will notice some of the images are very erotic, with girls using expressions and poses I’d rather not see.

The depravity of our society’s teens are laid out in the titles and descriptions of these communities.

The requests in these communities for hookups, Snapchat, TikTok, Tinder…all the newest apps.

I want my kids to have nothing to do with predatory technology.

This is a brave, new world.

Nothing like the hot tub chat rooms on America Online in the mid ’90s. Even at their worst, those were tame compared to the chats in these communities.

All the Google products linked to an email account are a hassle to disconnect. We had to delete several Gmail accounts to make a clean break and I have a nagging suspicion we are still drowning in uncharted waters.

We had long discussions. We prayed. We had medical checkups for endocrine levels to rule out a physical disorder. We made agreements. We compromised. We explained. There were tears.

It had become an addiction.

She still created several new online profiles without permission – with detailed imaginary information and a false image. The conversations I read when she sneaked onto my iPhone seared my eyeballs. I can’t unremember them.

We repeated the discussions and prayers.

She had absolutely no online presence whatsoever {that I know about}. Until she can heal and learn and follow some guidelines.

Girls are just as susceptible to pornography as boys. Be aware.

It was a downward spiral. Her defiance knew no bounds. She refused to complete schoolwork or chores. She got angry one night and ran barefoot out in the snow and refused to come in for half an hour. She wanted to be emancipated.

It was withdrawal from an online addiction.

I considered enrolling her in school to ease the stress on everyone at home. I fear potential legal consequences. The one time she attended a 6th grade math class for one week during summer at a public school, we received a visit from CPS.

But I don’t want to set her up for failure. What if she’s truant? I can’t imagine the consequences for her and me. I went back and forth, weighing the pros and cons of sending her to school. I was at my wit’s end, witnessing this tear my family apart.

We’re not out of the woods yet.

And it’s not about having more filters. It’s not about control and monitoring. It’s about relationship and discussion, working together for Internet safety. It’s about staying educated about what is popular, available, and potentially misused.

We set up a code while she learned appropriate Internet use. She asked for help learning self-control online and with screen time.

There are always dangers with Internet use. It’s up to me as a mom to be aware and diligent to protect my kids.

There are plenty of apps that are just temptation for cyber bullying and inappropriate use. People can use all the ample technology available to corrupt our children. Many of these sites link with Facebook, Twitter, and other mainstream social media. Many apps and sites are location aware and offer users anonymity. And did you know that in 2013 – 78% of teens have a cell phone, and almost half (47%) of those are smartphones! Kids are well aware and able to get around any policing apps and hack into accounts without parents knowing. There are always ways around it.

The Dirty Dozen Apps I never want my kids to use:

Many of these apps were designed for adults, for adult entertainment. Kids aren’t even supposed to use them. Some apps were supposed to be harmless communication devices that have been used inappropriately – in bullying and other cyber crimes. All technology has the potential for misuse. Just be aware of what your kids and their friends are doing online. Keep conversations open. Some of these apps are no longer available.

1. Ask.fm

A Q&A site with very questionable content. Has recently been linked to cases of cyber bullying.

2. YikYak

Location-based, within a 1.5 mile radius for anonymous gossip. Just a mess waiting to happen. No longer active.

3. Down

This is a hookup service for one-night stands. Anonymous and location-aware.

4. Omegle

Anonymous text and video chat with strangers.

5. Voxer

Location-aware chatting service. Can send group messages. No way of verifying accounts, so this is target for cyber bullying or other inappropriateness. Also watch out for Yo and WhatsApp and Oovoo.

6. Tinder

This is a location-based hookup app.

7. ChatRoulette

Combine the randomness of a game of roulette with spontaneous anonymous video chat. With this app, you don’t know who they’ll pair you with or what they might show you.

8. Vine

Make and share gifs with messaging ability. Location-aware. Anything can be searched. Monitor carefully. Mostly defunct. Check out similar issues on TikTok.

9. SnapChat

Picture messages can be sent that last only ten seconds. Opens the door for embarrassing or inappropriate photos. Receivers can take screenshots and use wherever. Also Slingshot is similar.

10. Kik

Limitless app-based texting, and photo/file sharing. Privacy settings make it difficult to see history. Many public accounts with many followers show “kik me!” in comments – scary! Links to OinkText.

11. 9GAG

Image sharing. Not moderated. Anything goes.

12. Whisper

Anonymous “confessions” that tend to be quite inappropriate. And there’s a “meetup” section.

Discuss these apps with your kids.

Know which accounts are connected and make sure personal information is not available to strangers online. Make sure they understand the dangers. “Delete” doesn’t mean permanence. Discuss possible scenarios and consequences with texting and sending images and videos. Monitor privacy settings and block strangers and bullies.

I worry my kids use Wanelo or Pinterest or Polyvore. Sites like these just create discontent and the tendency to feel “less than.” I can barely handle those feelings myself after scrolling through Pinterest, so how can I expect a tween or teen who is less mature to be able to stave off the temptation? And even the ever-popular Instagram can be misused. Check out this article and pay attention to that “Explore” option!

We also do not like Roblox or Minecraft. Anything interactive has potential problems and I have heard horror stories of kids being solicited for or stumbling upon inappropriate activity through these sites.

Be aware of what your kids are doing online.

We must be super diligent to keep them safe.

And this is not about prohibiting Internet use. It isn’t about control. My kids have lots of freedom. We have plenty of discussions about online safety. We all have lots of screentime.

Updates:

At 16 , she has social media accounts. She learned her lesson about Internet safety and talks often to her younger siblings about being safe online.

At age 18, she became an advocate for her younger siblings online and with social media.

Resources:

• American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers by Nancy Jo Sales
• Disconnected: Youth, New Media, and the Ethics Gap by Carrie James
• Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other by Sherry Turkle
• It’s Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens by danah boyd
• iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy–and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood–and What That Means for the Rest of Us by Jean M. Twenge, PhD
• The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt
• Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit by Richard Louv
• Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross
• Hands Free Life: Nine Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better, and Loving More by Rachel Macy Stafford
• Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters! by Rachel Macy Stafford