Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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You are here: Home / Homeschool / Challenging or Overwhelming?

Challenging or Overwhelming?

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September 13, 2017 By Jennifer Lambert 20 Comments

With so many curriculum options out there and the rigors of a classical education, how do I know how much is too much or too little?

A nudge is not a push; it’s an invitation.

A spirited, unruly student is preferable. It’s much easier to direct passion than to try and inspire it.

Joan Desmond

I certainly don’t want to overwhelm my kids, but I do want to challenge them.

  • How do I maintain balance?
  • How do I promote a love for learning?
  • How do I make our school time fun and engaging?
  • How do I get through those more difficult or disliked subjects?
  • How do I know when I need to make changes – to our schedule, curriculum, or level?

While I still struggle with many of these issues…having an almost 17-year-old, an 11-year-old, a 10-year-old, and a 7-year-old boy makes me think I at least have gotten this far and I may know a little bit.

We certainly struggled in the beginning. We tried many different workbooks, curricula, even styles, before getting comfortable and somewhat settled. While I can’t even touch on all the issues that homeschool moms face, I can tell you what worked for us. It may work for you or guide you to evaluate and prioritize.

Start with the basics. Bible study, reading, writing, maths. Some seasons, this is all you need. Having the freedom and blessing to homeschool is enough. The kids learn so much about relationships and faith from being protected from the world. When they’re little, focus on manners, courtesy, and habits.

To borrow a little tidbit from Charlotte Mason …

“The well-brought-up child has always been a child carefully trained in good habits.” (Vol. 2, p. 174)

Find a history and science the whole family can do together. If you have two or more children, you will want to do this. Trust me. (We use Apologia sciences and Story of the World history and Tapestry of Grace.) There are options for every budget. We only do history and science a couple days a week until they’re 10 or so.

Determine which extras are important, interesting, within budget, or necessary. These vary from family to family. We study Latin. We have a soccer star, a runner, and a piano player so far. We desire to limit our time outside the house. We eat dinner together every night. Yes, even church events get in the way of family time sometimes. And we purposely do not participate in many church programs because they often undermine what we believe.

When our homeschool is out of balance, my kids tell me with misbehavior, whining, laziness, or tears. Instead of disciplining them for being overwhelmed, I must step back and reevaluate our priorities.

…Do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

We are blessed to school year round and we can take time off to focus on a unit we really love or to review a fun product. So I don’t stress the schedule much. Now, if we lived in a state where I’d have to keep attendance and turn in lesson plans and stuff, I’d have problems getting that organized! But I did that when I taught public school, so I’d work out something.

So, how do I stay focused and evaluate our success?

  • Pray. Do Bible study as a family and teach your kids to do their own studies separately as soon as they are able. Even the littlest ones can have a Bible basket for quiet times. Pray for peace, balance, humility, patience, and contentment. Pray for direction and needs! Pray for your budget.
  • Reread The Well-Trained Mind every year. At least hit the highlights to help you remember what you’re doing and why, especially if you have a child changing levels.
  • Don’t attend a homeschool co-op if they take away from family and school time or your personal values. Do attend a co-op if they reinforce what you’re already doing. Don’t feel pressured. Do what’s right for your family and take a year off of co-op if necessary. Don’t feel guilty if that’s what you need to do. We do not attend a co-op.
  • Guard yourself against naysayers. I know it’s hard if they are family members. Pray for grace and understanding and for their hearts to be open. This is your family and your decision or calling.
  • Protect yourself against comparison. That homeschool blogger or family down the street, across town, at co-op, at convention, wherever…they’re not you. Their children are different from yours. Their marriage is different from yours. Their issues are different from yours. Their financial situation is different from yours. Their children learn differently from yours. And you don’t know the behind-the-scenes stuff. You don’t know their medical history, their debt problems, their therapy bills, or any of the highs and lows of their past and present. You only see what they allow you to see. Just be awesome you.
  • Find a schedule that works for you. I know homeschoolers who school at night, on weekends, only 3 days a week, take Wednesdays off…whatever works for your family!
  • Make a list. Keep to a budget. Ask your spouse to help make or guide decisions about curricula and activities.

Don’t be a hoarder or a collector. I am slowly purging all the workbooks, unit studies, manipulatives, and reference materials that I thought we’d someday use. My oldest is almost seventeen and my youngest is seven, but I realize now that less is more. If I haven’t used it by now, chances are we never will.

I had this fairy tale vision of Jane Austen governesses and girls in pastel dresses lying on the grass reading, reciting, and discussing. That dreamy Charlotte Mason model is just that – a dream. I could no more recreate that scene than I could stop a stampede of wild horses. My kids are themselves. They are individuals. They are rambunctious, precocious, sarcastic, and wonderful. I am raising them to be leaders, not mice. But I want them to be challenged just right. And that takes constant tweaking and evaluation to determine when to move on, when to skip something, or when to practice more.

I’m sure other teaching methods can be overwhelming, but I think classical homeschoolers want to do it all, learn it all, not miss anything. We often want to recreate that educational model of the past with its great rigors. I know I teach some subjects and topics very thoroughly because I didn’t learn it well in public school and I feel it’s of great value. And we can do all that – with balance and love – when the child is ready. There’s no need to push a three-year-old to read or a thirteen-year-old to write a research paper that’s university-worthy.

Work with your kids, not against them. They’re not the enemy. And we have all the time in the world.

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12)

Allow God to lead you. Monitor your children’s frustration levels and behavior. Ask your husband for guidance, even if he isn’t involved in the homeschool. He still notices moods.

Do you also struggle with exasperating your children?

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Comments

  1. Michele Morin says

    October 3, 2017 at 2:49 pm

    I have loved The Well-Trained Mind. Homeschooling has been a challenge for me, too. And balance is a tough thing to achieve. It’s worth every bit of effort it takes, but it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to make a law out of what works for others. All families and learners are unique. I’m so glad you’ve discovered what works for your lovely family.

    Reply
  2. Helene says

    October 3, 2017 at 3:28 pm

    I find the verse that says, “Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath…” are equally applicable to homeschool moms. Thanks for the thoughts on balance.

    Reply
  3. Sarah Koontz says

    October 3, 2017 at 7:11 pm

    Loved this: When our homeschool is out of balance, my kids tell me with misbehavior, whining, laziness, or tears. Instead of disciplining them for being overwhelmed, I must step back and reevaluate our priorities.

    Amen!

    Reply
  4. sue says

    October 3, 2017 at 7:25 pm

    Sounds like you have much to share the new homeschooling family – so i’ll share this w/ my friend Carlie in Canada who just began!

    Reply
  5. BettieG says

    October 3, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    My last child graduated from our homeschool highschool 10 years ago, and I can still say that in spite of all of my mistakes, God gave us precious years together. And most of these lessons that you shared today, are ones that I eventually came to as well. The biggest one being that God knows the uniqueness of your children and your family, and He truly does want to help guide the learning process, (even as He still is doing in my own heart, years later.) God Bless you as you seek to follow Him!!

    Reply
  6. Linda W Perkins says

    October 3, 2017 at 10:01 pm

    I don’t homeschool, but I can relate to trying to find the balance between pushing and being too lax with my child. We as parents have to simultaneously serve as coach and cheerleader, and it can be exhausting and exasperating at times! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    Your neighbor at #MomentsofHope

    Reply
  7. Kate redmon says

    October 4, 2017 at 2:33 pm

    O yes, I struggle with not exasperating my children! I definitely err on the side of pushing them too hard. I have to keep coming back to grace again and again and again for myself and my kiddos. My homeschooling journey is done now: the 17 year old who hated academics got her GED and works full-time and the 16 year old is a full-time college student nowadays. Isn’t it interesting how children with the same background can take such different paths?

    Reply
  8. Jessi's Design says

    October 4, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    This is great! Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  9. Liz says

    October 5, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    Although I don’t homeschool, I’ve often thought the ability to tailor curriculum to my children’s specific aptitudes, interests, and attention spans would be such a great benefit. Thanks for sharing what’s worked for you! Blessings

    Reply
  10. Rachel says

    October 5, 2017 at 5:23 pm

    We are also homeschoolers. I have completed homeschooling 3 children all the way through and they are now all successful college students. We have our youngest surprise blessing still home with us. Homeschooling looks different now than it did when I was doing all three. Flexibility with structure is important when homeschooling. We adjusted every year to what that year needed. There were years we participated in co-op and other years that we did not. It depended on the needs of our children and our home schedule. I loved homeschooling my kids and still do. (We homeschool with HIGH reporting state requirements so organized learning is a MUST. And it has been good for me. It forces me to be responsible with the kids learning. I’m glad we have had to show the accountability because it has helped with college admissions and requirements. Thanks for this post. (Stopping by from #HeartEncouragement)

    Reply
  11. Maree Dee says

    October 6, 2017 at 3:16 pm

    Jennifer,

    You shared such wonderful words of wisdom for homeschool mothers. I homeschooled for a few years and boy it was challenging. I would have loved to have had your words of wisdom. It has been over ten years since I homeschooled and I am embarrassed to say, “I saved all that stuff.” Less is more; I need to get rid of some stuff.
    Maree

    Reply
  12. Donna Reidland says

    October 10, 2017 at 12:05 am

    What a helpful list! I hope you have a great school year!

    Reply
  13. Lisa (mummascribbles) says

    October 10, 2017 at 12:24 pm

    Your words will help so many new homeschooling mama’s. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday and sorry for the late commenting

    Reply
  14. Tina at Mommynificent says

    October 11, 2017 at 3:39 am

    I struggle so often with that same question! Thanks for sharing this with us at Booknificent Thursday at Mommynificent.com!
    Tina

    Reply
  15. Sherry says

    October 11, 2017 at 8:12 pm

    Wonderful insight on homeschooling. Thanks for sharing at Home Sweet Home.

    Reply
  16. Sherry says

    October 12, 2017 at 2:24 am

    I will feature this tomorrow at Home Sweet Home!

    Reply
    • Jennifer says

      October 20, 2017 at 2:06 pm

      Thank you!

      Reply
  17. Karen Woodall says

    October 12, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    We are nearing the end of our homeschooling journey of over 20 years so far. My oldest is out of college… #2 is in college, #3 graduating high school in May and #4 is a sophomore. And I have, like you, changed curriculum many times struggling to find the best thing for each of them. I’ve done some purging too… some of it i’ve sold, and some of it I just chose to give away in effort to bless those who are behind me in the process. Thanks for sharing your insights with all of us!

    Reply
  18. Robert Babcock says

    October 13, 2017 at 4:59 pm

    I am a retired male. I live in an assisted living facility. I started reading this blog, because I love ” Positive,” talk & comments on the ” Net.” I am so thankful that parents are taking the time to ” Home School,” their kids. Schools are missing the boat on many levels. Keeping ” Order,” in the classroom seems to take up most of the learning time. It raises my hope for the next generations to see parents ( Mostly wives ) taking the time to ” home School,” to make sure that their children are equipped to handle today’s challenges. I humbly, say thanks, Ladies. Bob Babcock

    Reply
  19. Robert Babcock says

    October 13, 2017 at 5:04 pm

    Again, I want to thank you ladies for taking the time to insure that your children get ” Educated,” properly. I know that some have had to do so, at a great sacrifice. Thanks. Bob Babcock

    Reply

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