Deployment.
The HoLidAyS.
Halloween to New Years.
Can you say S-T-R-E-S-S?
The holidays get me down anyway, and doing them alone is no fun at all. If it were just me, I would forego the whole winter season completely.
I do it for the kids.

October to January. It feels like so many expectations to make everything perfect, all by myself.
The kids are older now and they have a say. They like to stay home, mostly.
We don’t want potlucks with strangers. We don’t participate in events on base. We don’t know the people Dad works with at all.
We stopped going to church because it was so fake. I don’t want pity or questions. I’m healing in my solitude.
How We Celebrate the Holidays During Deployment:
Tradition
For many families and certainly for young kids, maintaining tradition is important. It offers continuity and comfort. We have certain expectations every year. Some things can be omitted or mixed up, but other things are just necessary for the holiday to feel special.
I’m an only child, so we really never did much on holidays, except with my grandmothers and they passed when I was a teenager.
My husband’s parents passed the first year we married. We’ve never celebrated holidays with family.
It was a blank slate.
We could create our own traditions!
We like to keep things simple. It keeps my stress levels down, knowing I don’t have to make everything perfect and Pinterest-worthy. We don’t do Santa. We do St. Nicholas, but they know it’s me.
For our family of six, we have several traditions.
We make and eat latkes the first night of Hanukkah, even though we’re not Jewish. We learned about Judaism in depth for homeschool church and world history and we’ve just always continued with some of the Jewish traditions.
We like to drive around, looking at Christmas lights. This is the first year in ages that we didn’t do that. I just couldn’t fit it in with the weather, kids’ schedules, and my parents visiting.
We try new recipes for cookies, muffins, cakes.
We watch certain movies during the holiday season.
New Traditions
Shopmas, er, Thanksgiving, is kind of a worthless holiday for us. We practice gratitude year-round.
My eldest doesn’t even like turkey. Only one child likes dressing/stuffing. There’s hardly a point making a lot of food for Thanksgiving that no one likes. We don’t care about or watch football. We can have pizza on Thanksgiving if we want to. I can make a mini buffet of lots of little snacks or appetizers and we can all eat what we like. We can do what we want. We can go to the movies. It doesn’t matter. No one dictates to us! Maybe it will even become a new tradition.
My son just announced that he can’t wait for Thanksgiving! He loves turkey and my homemade pie. Well, then. Guess there will be no deviating from that tradition at this time.
We don’t do Black Friday or Cyber Monday. I’ve been finished with holiday shopping for weeks. We want a debt-free holiday.
We eat an awful lot of ham year-round so it’s just not special. I’m not making a prime rib without my husband here to enjoy it. We can have Chinese food, Italian, or anything we want for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinners! There’s a scary freedom to that.
There are some things only Dad can do or do well. So without him here, I have to mix things up.
We normally make chicken wings on New Year’s Eve, but I’m kinda scared of the deep fryer. We may have a living room picnic with a movie or even go out. Update: I did great frying chicken wings!
We can go to a movie on New Year’s Day. We usually have the traditional Southern pork, greens, and black-eyed peas for dinner.
We really like Chinese New Year and often make Asian food or go out for a special meal.
Travel
We used to travel over holidays.
The long 4-day Thanksgiving weekend offered great opportunities when we lived in Germany – and we went to Prague, Porto, and Venice. We went to Maui and Rome over Christmas.
We’ve been saving money and I don’t know if I want to venture out too far in snow or ice. I’m from Georgia.
My parents are 12 hours away by car.
My eldest works more when school is out.
I know lots of families move in with family or visit extensively to stave off the loneliness.
Presents
We are always trying to be frugal and debt-free, but I’m doing presents this year.
Yes, there is a bit of guilt that Dad’s not here and I probably spent more than I would have if he were home.
We may open some gifts during the nights of Hanukkah. We may open them all on Christmas Eve. I’m letting the kids decide but they can’t complain later.
Presents aren’t the most important part of the holidays, but they’re fun. The anticipation is exciting.
Presence
There’s only me, so I feel obligated to do all the things.
We celebrate Advent with reading and candles every evening.
We spent the cold dreary days and nights together playing board games, Wii, reading, puzzles, baking.
Sometimes the togetherness gets to be a bit much and we separate to draw, read, cook, watch Netflix, or sit with the cats.
I want to rest in the presence of Jesus during Advent.
I want to model calm presence throughout the holidays in spite of the chaos and loneliness.

How do you celebrate holidays when your spouse is deployed?
Resources:
- This Is Where You Belong: Finding Home Wherever You Are by Melody Warnick
- Almost There: Searching for Home in a Life on the Move by Bekah DiFelice
- God Strong: The Military Wife’s Spiritual Survival Guide by Sara Horn
- Tour of Duty: Preparing Our Hearts for Deployment: A Bible Study for Military Wives by Sara Horn
- Chicken Soup for the Military Wife’s Soul: 101 Stories to Touch the Heart and Rekindle the Spirit by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Charles Preston
- Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives by Jocelyn Green
- Faith Deployed…Again: More Daily Encouragement for Military Wives by Jocelyn Green
- Faith, Hope, Love, & Deployment: 40 Devotions for Military Couples by Heather Gray
You might also like:
- 10 Gifts for a Military Family
- How Deployment Affects Marriage
- How Deployment Affects Kids
- Navigating Motherhood During Deployment
- Homeschooling During Deployment
- Surviving Deployment as an Introvert Spouse
I was never married when I was in the military but I did have to spend time away from my family. It was pretty hard during Thanksgiving but I always went home for Christmas. It’s a little strange but I agree you can create your own traditions.
It is great to create your own traditions. I find that as our family grows (13 grandchildren & 5 great-grands, plus in-laws, extended family, etc.) we have been forced to grow and change. There is “the other side of the family” and just plain numbers. That’s not a complaint, but change comes with blessings, too. There are times when I just want simplicity. This year much of the family is coming to our house and bringing various things. For our part, we’re picking up a pre-cooked package from a restaurant we know and trust.
One thing in your post made me sad, the fact that you quit going to church because it was so fake. I agree. Too often that is the case. But I would encourage you to find a good Bible-teaching church, one that lives the one-anothering that is throughout the New Testament and doesn’t just talk about it. It’s not to say there are any perfect churches, but there are good ones. The Bible tells us not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together (Heb. 10.25). But I know sometimes church life can be disappointing.
We were on staff at a large church for many years. They did try to reach out to our military community and did in some ways, but after we retired, we moved to a small church that is really focused on the community aspect of “being” a church family. It has been a huge blessing. Our pastor is part of a network of similar churches. I would be happy to help you find a church in your area if you would be interested. If so, my email is reidland.donna@yahoo.com.
Blessings on your Thanksgiving and Christmas,
Donna
I appreciate your concern and I respect you.
It is disappointing and our church choices are limited – rock and roll entertainment assemblies or elderly congregations going through the motions for social interaction and duty.
Few gatherings offer education, discipleship, intelligence. They’re quick to ask for money, time, membership while offering so little in return. Few want to invest in a family for a short time and we are transient.
We made the hard choice as a family to forgo the small talk and discomfort of answering shallow questions about the deployment and stay home and do our own Bible reading, study, and worship. We are healing in our solitude and this is our season. We probably move in a year anyway and will perhaps struggle with church shopping once again in a new location. Happy holidays.
Hi Jennifer. Traditions are something we also love and try to keep going even though we are now in a different country, and wish to pass down to our grandkids.
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Thanks for sharing your traditions, Jennifer… I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you without your husband. I love that you create your own traditions—we did likewise when we emigrated from the UK to Canada. With no extended family in the country, we learned to do “us” and it worked. Still does, actually! I wish you a beautiful, peace-filled season. Stopping by from #letshavecoffee
I can’t envision how hard it must be for you without your better half. I love that you make your own conventions. It was truly hard during Thanksgiving however I generally returned home for Christmas. It’s somewhat bizarre however I concur you can make your own conventions.