Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Navigating Motherhood During Deployment

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This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of 1 Natural Way, a TRICARE breast pump provider. All opinions are entirely my own.

We’ve PCSed a couple times with infants. That’s interesting. There’s so much stuff to travel with – in case of any scenario.

Military life definitely has its challenges.

Our first deployment was when our son was only nine months old.

We PCSed to Utah in August and my husband deployed in January.

I had never lived through a real winter. I had always lived in mild, warm climates. And I had four kids under 10.

Being a mom is often hard.

Being a single mom can be quite difficult. I did that with one child for four years.

Being a military wife with a deployed husband and four kids is an adventure.

First deployments are really hard. There are so many unknowns. We’re up for our second deployment later this year and I feel more prepared.

If you know a mom whose spouse is deployed…take some time to help or just listen during this lonely and hard time.

You’ve seen and checked off all the deployment checklists. You’ve gotten the POA and all the right paperwork.

You’ve said your goodbyes at the airport gate.

The house is quieter. There is so much less laundry to do. Why are there so many leftovers at dinner?

You wake up sprawled in the middle of the bed instead of on your side.

You don’t think you’re gonna make it through these next few months.

I’m here to tell you that you’re gonna make it. You’re gonna be just fine.

How to Navigate Motherhood When Your Spouse is Deployed

Tips to Navigate Motherhood When Your Spouse is Deployed

Routine.

I ran my household like clockwork. I was efficient. I was prepared.

As a homeschool mom, I could have just allowed our lives to run into chaos.

But I set a strict schedule and kept to it. Meals, schoolwork, some fun activities, indoor and outdoor playtimes, chores, baths, bedtime.

With four kids under 10, I had to rely on them a lot and we all learned to be interdependent and help each other. It’s amazing what kids can and will do – if you just let them.

I anticipated disaster.

Then our basement flooded and disrupted all my best intentions.

But the routine held and life went on.

Relax.

Deployment may not be the best time to go back to school or haul the kids to a gazillion summer or after school extracurricular activities.

While routines and schedules are great for sanity…don’t lose heart or get discouraged if it slips. Don’t be legalistic about it.

Holidays and special events can really suck during deployments. Do something special but don’t stress and worry over it being perfect. It won’t be. Do your best. It’s good enough.

Give yourself a little break and realize there’s only one of you.

There are no good or bad emotions. Feel. Let your kids see you. Lean into it. Comfort each other. Discuss your feelings. Validate the sadness and anger but don’t live there.

Network.

Learn who your key spouse or the equivalent is within your organization. Get connected to other deployed spouses.

Ask for contacts at church in case of emergency.

Join a moms group. Or a homeschool group. Or a book club. Find a friend somewhere.

Inform neighbors or HOA so they are aware and can assist if needed.

Family visits can be a hassle or a blessing during deployment. You know what’s best for you and yours.

Ask for help.

This is a hard one.

I’ve never liked asking for help.

Our church pretty much ignored us during deployment and that (among other issues) prompted us to find a new one.

My husband’s group commander’s wife came and shoveled snow out of our driveway and it made me so uncomfortable. She also watched my kids a couple times for me to go out but I had nowhere to go and nothing to do. It just wasn’t what I wanted or needed.

Decide what you don’t want or like to do. It may be snow shoveling or mowing the lawn. Find a neighborhood teen to pay to do those tasks.

It helps to know what you want and need – and how and whom to ask.

My neighbors rallied together to help me with our flooded basement and that was an amazing experience. I wouldn’t have known where to start.

If you or your child needs to talk to someone, TRICARE covers at least 3 preliminary mental health appointments with family health care providers and can refer you for more with a therapist if necessary. Don’t hesitate to make those appointments. Be honest with yourself. No shame. Do what you must for the health of you and your family.

Self care.

This is hard for many moms.

I do better now taking care of myself than I did when my kids were really little.

Eating well and getting enough sleep are challenges for moms of little ones and also for moms whose spouses are deployed.

Set small goals like getting a daily shower and getting dressed in clean clothes.

You’re living your life in three-hour increments as you’re nursing, caring for little ones, surviving.

It’s enough.

I keep some quick meal items in the freezer and pantry for when I don’t feel well.

Deployment can a great time to get active, lose weight, get healthier, reset, and refocus. I find it easier to cook and eat what I like when I’m alone. The kids help me stay active.

Set a schedule that works for you and your family. That could mean putting the kids to bed earlier or later for your sanity.

Do something new.

Create a little list of some new and different activities to keep busy.

Ask the kids what they’d like to do and try to do some of their list too. Distractions are good when they miss their parent.

Don’t get overwhelmed, but it’s nice and often necessary to keep your mind busy during those lonely months. Bonus if it’s something you can do with the kids!

Lots of museums are free during summer and National Parks offer free or discounted passes to military families.

Some fun ideas:

  • calligraphy
  • jewelry making
  • painting
  • yoga or pilates
  • online classes
  • reading
  • journal
  • cooking
  • charity work
  • church activities
  • hiking
  • birding
  • photography

Know your benefits and privileges as a military spouse.

Many military installations offer events for deployed spouses – Give Parents a Break program, free family meals, free tickets, portrait ops, and more.

Get lots of free stuff here for deployed families.

Make sure you’re on email lists for deployed spouses or check social media for your options. Take advantage of the events offered and make new friends too.

I wish these breast pump benefits had been available when my babies were little and nursing!

1 Natural Way offers the popular Medela, Spectra and Kiinde brands. In addition to breast pumps, 1 Natural Way also offers breast pump accessories, compression socks and postpartum care supplies – covered under your Tricare insurance plan at no out of pocket expense to you.

The following five simple steps will take less than 5 minutes, and your breast pump through Tricare will be on its way:

Step 1: Fill out our insurance information form found below

Step 2: Select your breast pump model (Tricare covers all models we offer)

Step 3: Enroll in our Monthly breastfeeding accessories program (called Resupply)

Step 4: Provide us with a prescription or your doctor’s information, and we will obtain one for you

Step 5: Your pump and supplies will ship right to your front door via UPS or USPS

1 Natural Way handles contacting both your health insurance provider and your physician on your behalf. They offer the easiest process in the industry-backed by thousands of reviews and testimonials from moms everywhere. They work hard to make it an enjoyable experience to receive your breast pump with minimal or no out of pocket expense to you.

Deployment is always an inconvenience. We’re thankful for our military family and our freedom.

Hang in there.

How do you manage motherhood when your spouse is deployed?

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What My Military Kids Have Taught Me

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My eldest hates moving around. She longs for stability, long-term friendships, roots, a home, belonging.

A small part of me understands, but I’ve never felt like I belong anywhere. I grew up in the same house for my first 16 years, and the same state for 29 years. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Military life can be stressful, especially for children. There are a lot of unknowns and that’s scary. Deployments, TDYs, PCSes all add to the instability.

It’s always a conundrum when people innocently ask, “So, where are you from?” Do we answer where we were born, where we’re currently living, where our home of record is, or where our favorite “heart home” is?

Most kids don’t have to learn to say goodbye so often.

Change can be so hard.

I don’t like the term “military brat.” I think it has a negative connotation. I realize it’s an acronym: Born, Raised, And Trained. Or for the UK military: British Regiment Attached Traveler.

Kids are never brats. Children are always good. Many behavior issues arise from circumstances and environment. That’s important to realize as a military family.

Military BRAT poem

The official flower of the military child is the dandelion. Why? The plant puts down roots almost anywhere, and it’s almost impossible to destroy. It’s an unpretentious plant, yet good looking. It’s a survivor in a broad range of climates. Military children bloom everywhere the winds carry them. They are hardy and upright. Their roots are strong, cultivated deeply in the culture of the military, planted swiftly and surely. They’re ready to fly in the breezes that take them to new adventures, new lands, and new friends.

My military kids are amazing.

They put up with so much with so few complaints.

How Military Life Prepares Kids for Success in Life:

Resilience and Flexibility

They’re able to adapt brilliantly to different circumstances with joy and ease and contentment. I wish I could say the same for myself! They don’t show their disappointment as much as I do. When our extension was denied, then granted, then denied after all, they took it all in stride and were great examples to me in my meltdown. They look to the positive at every duty station we have lived at, and are (almost) always optimistic!

Independence

They know we have to jump in headfirst. The kids organize their rooms for packouts. They set up their rooms in new places. They pack their suitcases and backpacks for travel. They run through a new neighborhood, looking for the playground to make new friends. They are eager to get involved at a new church and find their place in our new community.

Value

They realize the importance of intangible things like travel experiences and fishing trips with Dad before he deploys. They appreciate their friends, even if for only a season. They cherish our unique experiences and the special memories we make. Stuff is just baggage to be packed up and moved every few years. They know not to hold on too tightly to things.

Perspective

Their attitudes and points of view are broader for having lived in so many different places and for traveling so extensively. They have so many memories of neato experiences. Our family has inside jokes and memories that are so unique to our military lifestyle!

It’s easy to look on the downside of military life with its stresses and separations. But I can’t allow myself to do that very often. I have to maintain a brave face and stay positive to be a role model for my kids.

I realize that I am not in control. We don’t get much say in where we live or when we move. Deployments and TDYS and special tasks pop up suddenly and interfere with plans, with our lives. We can only adapt, stay positive, and pray.

My children appreciate their experiences, even with its ups and downs. For us, it’s just life.

Deployments put us in survival mode.

Goodbyes can be very sad and scary.

We’re due for another deployment this year.

PCS time can be exhausting and stressful for all of us.

Long travel and wait times, sometimes in the middle of the night.

Walking into the unknown as we make our way to a new living situation is scary.

My military kids have taught me a lot about life.

There are lots of books out there now for military families.

Some of these are not necessarily about military life or military families, but they’re super helpful during deployment, TDY, PCS, or any other time that books can comfort military kids.

Great Books for Military Families:

  1. Third Culture Kids by David C. Pollack
  2. The Kissing Hand Books by Audry Penn
  3. The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
  4. Night Catch by Brenda Ehrmantraut
  5. All Those Secrets of the World by Jane Yolen
  6. While You Are Away by Eileen Spinelli
  7. Deployment by Julia Cook
  8. While You Were Gone…A Writing and Drawing Deployment Journal for Kids
  9. The Fathers Are Coming Home by Margaret Wise Brown
  10. Lovely Books by Nancy Tillman
  11. Where Do the Tears Go? by Doris Burd
  12. The Wishing Tree by Mary Redman
  13. The Magic Box: When Parents Can’t Be There to Tuck You In by Marty Sederman
  14. This Is Where You Belong: Finding Home Wherever You Are by Melody Warnick 
  15. Almost There: Searching for Home in a Life on the Move by Bekah DiFelice 
  16. Mission in San Antonio by Melissa Cook
  17. A Look Back in Time: Memoir of a Military Kid in the Fifties by Bernard N. Lee, Jr.
  18. Extraordinary Military Kids: A Workbook for and about Military Kids by Megan Numbers
  19. Deployment: Strategies for Working with Kids in Military Families by Karen Petty
  20. H Is for Honor: A Millitary Family Alphabet by Devin Scillian

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Putting Dreams on Hold

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Sometimes I struggle to quench my feelings and choke down envy when someone mentions buying an amazing house or follows some other beautiful dream that seems so out of reach for me.

I often look at my 40+ years and wonder what I have accomplished.

Sometimes, it’s hard being transient. It gets so lonely.

We’ve lived in so many houses, apartments, hotels, and rooms over the years that when I wake groggily in the wee hours of the morn to comfort a child or when I hear an odd night noise, I am often disoriented as my mind adjusts to the shape of the room rather than a memory of another room across the years.

We don’t waste time or money on Pinterest projects or lots of yard maintenance or prettifying a rental house. We have become minimalists.

All our memories fit into a few Rubbermaid containers.

We never know when we might leave for someplace new. Too often, we leave again before it even starts to feel like home. Sometimes, we start to feel anxious, ready to move on.

We make the best of it, right?

I’ve lived in a home with no dishwasher and 3 cabinets in the kitchen. The washer and dryer were in the dirt-floor basement. I had to walk outside and around to the backyard to get inside.

I’ve lived in a smelly, ant-traipsing apartment where I had to walk up three flights of stairs.

We’ve lived in noisy duplexes with no privacy and a parking lot across the way.

We’ve spent weeks in temporary housing during PCSes.

We lived on base once, and while convenient, it had its cons also.

We’ve rented houses sight-unseen, only to be disappointed at the online deception. But it was too late.

My parents upgraded to a 3000 sq. ft. house on a corner lot shortly after I moved away. I have no childhood home to return to with its memories. I’ve visited three times in eleven years and it doesn’t even smell quite right there. It’s amazing to me how much space they have for two people who never go anywhere.

We’ve sold and bought more vehicles than I can keep count as our family grew and transportation needs changes. Cars mean little to me other than reliability. My mother loved buying her new Chevrolet Caprice Classic every three years, then moved on into small SUVs. Still not sure why they need three cars at age 75.

We’ve attended more churches than any family ever should have to. We even stopped going for a while. It gets tiresome sometimes, trying to fit into a new place, with its cliques and families and friendships that have existed for decades.

As a military wife, I’ve often put my dreams on hold.

I left my college teaching job. I didn’t get that Ph.D. I haven’t written a book – yet.

But military life really doesn’t feel that hard to me most of the time.

I’m cool with holding down the fort during TDY, deployments, emergencies.

I’ve become a pro with organizing, packing, and unpacking.

I’ve dealt with disappointment and put on a brave face for the sake of my children.

They say home is where the military sends you.

And it’s true.

Home is everywhere.

And nowhere.

Home is where my husband is. Where my children are. Where my cats are.

The kids are beginning to ask if this is our last move. How many more? What next? My son wants to know: where will we be when he’s 10?

My eldest daughter just started college and doesn’t plan to leave Ohio. She’s longing to put down roots. I don’t blame her.

So, sure, I put some dreams on hold.

Or maybe I’ve adapted and grown up.

When I was a child

I caught a fleeting glimpse

Out of the corner of my eye

I turned to look but it was gone

I cannot put my finger on it now

The child is grown

The dream is gone

Pink Floyd

My dreams have changed since I was younger.

I’m no longer that selfish hurting girl who threw tantrums, hid in the closet when I didn’t get my way, or couldn’t handle a full day alone with two kids.

I’m no longer that overwhelmed girl who eats out multiple times a week or prepares quick foods due to a lack of planning.

I’m no longer my mother’s daughter who needs retail therapy to prove my self-worth.

I realize that a beach home might not be in our best interests with hurricanes and flooding. I never imagined living through our basement flooding on Memorial Day in Utah, while my husband was deployed. Really, Utah?

We’ve learned self-reliance since we’ve always lived far from family. It’s still really hard for me to make friends.

We realize how fortunate we have been to see so much of the world. Hawaii, Europe, places in between, and who knows what the future holds?

I’m not interested in recognition in the field of education. I will never go back to get a Ph.D. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. I am educating my children and I see the fruits of my labors there. Yes, it’s interesting to me that there are two moms on my new street who are finishing up their Ph.D.’s and it only brought a tiny twinge of regret.

I’ve learned to have different priorities.

I want to live debt-free. And not just financial freedom. We pray the Lord’s prayer every Sunday at church, but I want to live it.

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors… Matthew 6:12

I strive for grace, forgiveness, and kindness.

I pray to fight the good fight, finish the race, keep the faith…

I am resilient, flexible, strong.

I don’t have to put my dreams on hold indefinitely. I can incorporate my dreams into the life I am living – adapting to what is best for this season and our family dynamics.

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Decorating on a Budget

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This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of CORT for IZEA. All opinions are 100% mine.

There are quite a few decorating challenges for military families.

Since we move every few years, we have the fun chance to redecorate often, but we need to do that on a budget.

I don’t like nor can we afford to buy an entire house full of new goods every few years when we move.

Home Décor Hacks for Military Families:

Blank Empty Spaces

Moving to a rental means a lot of white or blank walls. It’s an empty canvas!

What can we do with all that plain wall space?

Bright furniture perhaps with easy to wash throw pillow covers are easily changed with the seasons.

Fun drapery and curtains brighten up windows in every room.

Eye-catching wall art help combat those boring spaces. We love our travel photos!

Rugs are great for tile, hardwood, linoleum – really any floor surface. It really pulls a room together.

We have several mixy-matchy rugs that tie in our favorite colors and add warmth and cushion to tired feet.

Storage

Tables with cabinets, shelves, drawers, and baskets do double duty as storage containers so I don’t have to feel cluttered.

I love how our entertainment cabinet holds our TV and has drawers and cabinets to keep our gaming systems safe and tidy.

I like to display all my books in big bookcases for easy reference.

We showcase our keepsakes on the mantle and sofa table.

Games and toys are easily accessible in bookcases or cabinets either inside baskets or bins or stacked neatly.

Lighting

Lighting sets the mood.

We love natural lighting, but it gets dark early in some seasons!

We prefer simple table and floor lamps (preferably on dimmer switches!) instead of harsh ceiling lights in the afternoons and evenings.

We love to gather in the living room and play board games or snuggle up to read together by the warm glow of our table lamps and candlelight.

Furniture rental

Furniture rental is a great option for active duty military personnel since with each new PCS comes a new living situation. Temporary unaccompanied duties are also a great time to use this option.

That sectional sofa we have today, may not fit in our future home.

By working with CORT, we can find the right pieces to fit our existing spaces. Then when we are ready to move to the next base in a new city (or country!), we just give CORT a call and they’ll come pick it all up!

CORT works with military personnel to provide what we need when we need it. The best part of the furnishing process – CORT picks it up when we are ready to move on to the next assignment!

Learn more about CORT on their blog.

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How to Clean a House

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We’ve rented a lot of houses.

We have to clean the rental houses when we move to a new location. I’ve never paid a cleaning service. Some homeowners have been surprised to hear that and perhaps a little nervous, but it saves us hundreds of dollars and only takes a few hours of work to get a house ready for the next renter.

I try to keep things clean and neat all along so it’s not such an overwhelming job.

It’s easier to clean a house that isn’t full of clutter.

How to have a low-maintenance house:

  • Minimal lifestyle. Refuse. Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. Rot.
  • A place for everything and everything in its place. If you need more stuff to store your stuff, minimize.
  • Low-maintenance and enduring surfaces and materials. Leather is more durable and easily wipeable than microfiber upholstery, for instance.
  • Eliminate knick-knacks and flat surfaces to minimize dusting.
  • Clear the floors. Hanging items (TV, coats, lights) make it easier to clean floors. Tile and wood is easier than carpet.
  • Vent bathrooms with fans or open windows to reduce mold.
  • Run the stove fan while cooking to reduce grease in the kitchen. Clean regularly.
  • No shoes in the house. Install a shoe cabinet by the door.
  • Under counter or wall soap dispensers in kitchen and bathrooms. Keep counters clear.
  • Gas fireplaces are cleaner than wood-burning ones.
  • Plants for air cleaners. I love my houseplants!
  • Store perishables in clear airtight reusable containers to eliminate waste.
  • Use only dishwasher safe kitchen and dining items. No paper products! Less hand washing.
  • Run full loads in dishwasher and washer/dryer.

Having less stuff and a low maintenance household reduces anxiety.

While those Pinterest pictures of cutesy decor look nice in images, they’re not for my reality. We don’t redecorate with every season, or even every time we move to a new house (and we move frequently with the military!). We’ve had the same furniture for almost 14 years.

If I’ve learned anything about living in so many different houses, it’s how to clean them quickly and easily – whether for company, a housing inspection, or landlord walk-through before leaving.

It irritates me to no end that so many rental houses have cheap paint that flakes or isn’t washable. We take tons of pictures during an initial walkthrough of any flaws we don’t want to be responsible for repairing, but there’s always something that we notice after living in a house for a few months. Landlords shouldn’t cut too many corners to save money. They just have to make those cosmetic or major repairs for the next tenants anyway.

I like to streamline my cleaning methods.

Always begin from the top and work your way down.

Ceiling fans and light fixtures, countertops, cabinets, etc. and floors last.

I use reusable sponges and cloth rags, only occasionally paper towels. We also have a carpet cleaner that works wonders.

For rug spots, baking soda usually works great. I often work it in with a brush, let it dry, then vacuum it up.

My favorite natural cleaners: vinegar, citric acid, baking soda, peroxide, rubbing alcohol.

Living Room

Dust cobwebs from ceilings, fans, door jambs, and window sills.

Wash windows with vinegar and/or soapy squeegee and dry with newspaper on a cloudy day for no streaks!

Vacuum and wash floors. Don’t forget the baseboards!

Mop your way out of a room, and it helps to keep the mop head going in the same direction of the grain of a hardwood floor – this reduces the chance of streaks forming.

Make sure to vacuum and wash sliding door tracks.

Bedrooms

Dust cobwebs from ceilings, fans, door jambs, and window sills.

Wash windows.

Vacuum and wash floors. Don’t forget the baseboards!

Kitchen

Dust cobwebs from ceiling, window frames, doorjambs.

Wash walls. Use baking soda and/or soap. We do our best when the paint isn’t gloss or semi-gloss. We’ve had to pay damages because of stains, but it really isn’t our fault when there’s shoddy or cheap workmanship. Gloss paint should be in bathrooms and kitchens!

Wash windows.

Wash cabinets, in and out.

For those flat top stoves, a razor blade removes the crusted-on spots. For gas stoves, make a paste with baking soda and water and scrub the cool surfaces. Let sit for a few minutes and then rinse. For electric coil stoves, wash the cool and unplugged coils with soap and rinse well. Try not to get the plugs wet. Stainless steel pads can scrub the drip pans well.

I keep the drip pans and oven lined with foil to help with cleaning.

Clean ovens with baking soda and peroxide. A razor blade also gets all that icky baked-on grease off the oven door. For the oven racks, soak them in baking soda or citric acid. We do double duty and use bathtubs for soaking grates and drip pans.

Wash refrigerator, including door seals. I take out and wash shelves and drawers in warm water. Pull out the entire unit and clean vents and underneath. We often find cat toys!

For stainless appliances, use a damp microfiber cloth, then buff with a dry one. Always wipe in the direction of the grain of the stainless.

Wash the seal and rim around the dishwasher.

Vacuum floor and mop floor.

Bathrooms

Get those mirrors clean. Use vinegar to remove any residue. I like squeegees to get them streak-free.

Citric acid gets even the hardest stains out! We use this in toilets.

Dust cobwebs from ceiling, window frames, doorjambs.

Wash shower and tub. Sometimes, I have to let them soak for the vinegar to work. Baking soda is a great scrub. Citric acid is also good for stains.

Clean sinks, counters, drawers, cabinets.

Wash walls.

Vacuum and wash floors.

Yes, sometimes I even use bleach.

Windows

Use vinegar to remove any residue. I like squeegees to get them streak-free. Newspaper also works better than cloth or paper towels. Clean sills, frames, and tracks.

Walls

Patch holes in white walls with plain toothpaste or buy wall patch spackle.

Dust corners for cobwebs. Don’t forget to wash baseboards! Vacuum lint and dust from radiators, air vents, and air returns. Wipe off any residue.

Floors

Vacuuming hard floors saves time and does a better job than brooms or dust mops. Don’t forget to wash baseboards!

Scrub tile floors with a hard sponge mop or brush. I even used a razor blade to get off tough spots on the tile.

Mop your way out of a room, and it helps to keep the mop head going in the same direction of the grain of a hardwood floor – this reduces the chance of streaks forming.

Washer and Dryer

A cup of vinegar in the washer cleans out most residue. I use a cloth and wipe out the seal and leave the lid open. Wash out soap dispensers.

Clean the lint trap in the dryer, vacuuming and wiping out residue.

Garage

We have a couple Rubbermaids of camping equipment in the corner. Also, coolers and some other seasonal items are stored nearby.

We keep yard toys on a low shelf that the kids can reach.

Tools are on a shelf and work desk.

Gardening and lawn care items are on a shelf or hanging. The lawnmower is in the corner with the gas can.

Bikes and scooters are neatly stored along the side. I have to enforce this!

By the door is another shelf with gardening and birding items.

I prefer no shoes in the house. We have a shoe shelf by the door. Sometimes, the shoes don’t quite make it in the shelf.

Sweep or blow floor frequently to keep dust, dirt, and leaves from coming inside on the bottoms of feet.

Outside

Trim bushes and hedges.

Mow and edge lawn.

We sweep or blow driveway, porch, patio, and deck areas frequently to make sure they look neat and tidy.

I can’t justify paying a lot for lawn maintenance on a rental house. We occasionally buy some low-maintenance, high-producing flowers that last a whole season – impatiens or petunias or pansies. I get mulch or pebbles or straw for upkeep in beds because I like everything looking neat. We are stewards of the house and it’s our responsibility.

Sometimes, landlords complain that the house isn’t clean or neat enough, or they feel there’s more than general wear and tear. Whether I missed a spot or they’re trying to make excuses to refuse the deposit return…

I just calmly ask how I can make it right.

For one landlady, it was a window shelf in the bathroom that had some dust, vertical blinds that needed to be wiped again, and a toilet base needed to be wiped again. They also had cloth wallpaper in the kitchen (are you kidding me?!) that would not come clean. So they blamed us for grease stains and we only got half our deposit back.

Another landlord complained about my children’s welcome chalk drawings on the front concrete stoop (really?!) and that the lawn wasn’t professionally mowed and edged (since our lawn equipment had already been shipped).

Some landlords are just really nitpicky and don’t really want to return that deposit.

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My Kitchen Essentials

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It’s amazing to realize how little one needs when all the household goods are packed up and on a boat across the ocean to our new home.

Currently, we have one mixing bowl, one wonky pan, 2 pots, and place settings for 6. There is no peeler or colander. It’s like camping, but somehow worse.

I’m washing a lot of dishes.

Paper items are expensive but convenient at times like these.

I miss some items that I usually use every day, like my blender and stand mixer, but I can mostly work around that.

And we do this transition every few years.

We like to eat real food. Takeout and fast food is expensive and unhealthy.

But over the years, I realize how little I need for a functioning kitchen. I have some essentials that I pack or ship to myself so I have them as long as possible during our transitions.

My kitchen essentials:

  1. Silicone Whisk

    My favorites are the OXO, Rösle Flat, and Ball Whisk. I use these all the time – for making scrambled eggs, grits, porridge, pasta, sauces. I pack these in my suitcase when we travel!

  2. Silicone Spatula

    I like seamless ones like Silchef or di Oro. I love these for mixing cookies and sauteing foods. The heads don’t come off when the batter is thick!

  3. Measuring Cups

    We love these pourable dry measuring cups and these different size liquid cups. These measuring spoons fit into most spice jars.

  4. Silpat

    I can’t imagine baking cookies without a silicone mat anymore! These Silpats come in different sizes to fit any baking sheet! Nothing sticks.

  5. A Good Pan

    You don’t have to spend a ton of money to get a good all-purpose pan. We’re moving away from the nonstick coating that peels and bubbles and is not healthy!
    Nonstick pans only last about 3 years. We use stainless for most of our cooking.
    We’ve found these nonstick to get the job done, and quite well, but we’re trying to move away from aluminum:
    Cuisinart GreenGourmet

    Green Pan

    Tramontina Professional Nonstick Restaurant Fry Pan

    These pans are great for omelets and stirfries!

  6. Good Knives

    We’ve had a Henckel’s knife block set for almost 15 years and still love it! I’d buy it again.

  7. Thermometer

    No one wants undercooked or overcooked meat! Our longtime favorite meat thermometer is the Thermapen.

  8. Cheese Grater

    We love a a simple box grater for block cheeses. Also love a microplaner for small jobs, like Parmesan, citrus zesting, and frozen ginger root.

  9. Electric Kettle

    I love that these are called “water cookers” in German. This glass electric kettle is similar to the one we love. I don’t have to use the stovetop to boil water!

  10. Coffee Maker

    I still love my Bodum French Press. We haven’t gotten into the pour-over craze. We still have a drip coffee maker with thermal carafe for most mornings. I’d love to have a Moka Pot if we had a gas stove. You’ll never, ever see me with any coffee pods!


We have lots and lots of kitchen equipment. We love cooking and I love teaching my kids to cook our favorite foods. But, we really only need a few great tools to get the job done right!

View our favorite family recipes.

What are your favorite kitchen items?

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Homeschooling Where the Military Sends Us

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Homeschooling and the military life work well for us.

We all love lists, so…

5 reasons why we love homeschooling and military life.

1. We don’t have to be on any particular PCS rotation.

A majority of PCSes take place during summer to coincide with school transfers. We don’t have to worry about that. It makes our lives easier that we don’t have to stress about school. We can take a break or “school” on the road. Occasionally, we just have a longer time to travel to our next destination.

2. That whole “You Get to See the World” thing.

I met my husband in Georgia, where I grew up. We spent a couple years in San Antonio, Texas. While we didn’t have much time there to see the sites (and I was pregnant the whole time), we did get to visit some amazing landmarks like the Alamo and Riverwalk and some beautiful country. We ate well of all sorts of amazing Mexican foods. It was divine. Then we got to live in Hawaii for three tough years. I know, but somebody has to do it! We got to see a volcano and gorgeous mountains and beaches. We went snorkeling and birdwatching. We had flora galore to inspect while we lived there. It was predominantly a different culture, and we loved it! We loved all the food, oh my. Malasadas, manapuas, poke, shave ice, and amazing rice served everywhere – even at Burger King! In Utah…we weren’t into the whole winter sports thing, but we enjoyed camping. Germany opened up so many travel opportunities and we were so thankful to see much of Europe.

3. You get a whole new perspective on missions.

Georgia is in the Bible Belt. After I married, we didn’t stay there long. Then we moved to Texas, still the Bible Belt…not that there weren’t missions opportunities, but we didn’t hear The Call. We were busy surviving. While in Hawaii, we were in the minority in both race and religion. Many Buddhists, LDS, and other non-believers live there. We attended a very missions-conscious Independent Baptist church. Then in Utah, I felt that we were there primarily to be a light in a sea of darkness. I met so many lost souls, both Mormon and not, who are just so turned off to anything resembling church. Germany has a very Christian culture, but few participate in church or have faith. We recently moved to Ohio and found an amazing church home. It breaks my heart to see hurting people. But an amazing thing occurs in the hearts of my children. I see them become aware of others who need Jesus.

4. You become family when there is none near.

Some of my husband’s military co-workers and their families have become our greatest advocates and friends. Others have come alongside us in our times of need when we weren’t able to fly home or have family visit us. In Hawaii, it’s a long way to fly to the mainland, so we often shared holiday meals with other families rather than spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter alone. We traveled over US holidays in Europe. And when you meet someone and realize they’re either currently active duty or retired, there is an immediate connection and camaraderie and mutual respect. And this attitude helps my children to see that we’re all one big family in Christ and that we rely on each other and help each other.

5. My kids learn respect.

I grew up as an Army brat. My dad was a Chief Warrant Officer. My grandfather was a Chief Petty Officer in the Navy. I married an Air Force officer. I never knew any other kind of life. My kids don’t know any other way of life.

They don’t know what it’s like not to have full medical coverage. If we have any tiny little ailment, we can get a same-day appointment at the clinic and get it checked out and receive a prescription at no additional cost. We can get referrals to specialists. We have ER care for urgent situations. It’s a blessing, for sure. {And I know some military wives who find something to complain about this concept…smh}

We shop tax-free at the BX and commissaries (which came in mighty handy in Hawaii where prices are exorbitant!). We get discounts at many stores as thanks for my husband’s service to our country. And my kids learn how good they have it when many struggle so much for these basics that we often take for granted.

But occasionally, Daddy has to go TDY for a long time or deploy for many months to someplace we’ve only heard of on TV and seen online. It gets lonely and we fear for his safety. We pray and Skype and get upset when he misses birthdays and milestones.

But we understand why the separation is necessary. We’re oh, so proud that he is serving to protect our freedoms that most of the world doesn’t enjoy. We tear up during the national anthem and when we see eagles and Clydesdales in commercials. We get a thrill when the boom of F-16s tears apart the sky over our heads. It’s the sound of freedom. So many take our liberties for granted or abuse the idea of freedom. We’re not nationalistic and we understand a lot about the wider world and where the USA fits into the scheme of politics. We rush to express our gratitude and shake hands with wrinkled old veterans in their faded uniforms, handing out little paper poppies on Armistice Day. We met a WWII veteran in Normandy and were thrilled to listen to his story. The sound of Taps being played for any reason chokes us up while at the same time warming our hearts that a soldier/airmen/sailor/Marine/coastman has done his ultimate duty.

My kids learn about respect and duty more than most. They are entitled to nothing. Everything that our family receives is a privilege that we don’t necessarily deserve, but that is paid for by the military service of their father and my husband, also our grandfathers and my father. While we don’t necessarily agree with many of our country’s politics, world policy, military presence in many countries, or any war, we cannot vocalize that in protest.

We pray that no military member ever pays the ultimate price for those privileges. But we understand that necessity and very real possibility and we have extreme respect for all military service members – past, present, and future.

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Best and Worst of Robins AFB

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I grew up in Georgia.

I met my husband when he was at his first duty station in Warner Robins.

Most of my extended family still live in Georgia.

The Best of Robins AFB

Location.

Close to Atlanta and close to Florida and close to Savannah. Perfect for spontaneous weekend trips! The state offers beaches, rivers and lakes, plains, hills, and mountains. Something for everyone to enjoy!

Affordable.

Georgia is one of the most affordable states to raise a family. Houses are cheaper and yards are bigger. You don’t need much winter gear.

HOPE Scholarship

Students with a B average or higher can go to an in-state college or university with the HOPE Georgia Lottery Scholarship program. I did!

Southern Hospitality

Everyone really is that friendly. Everyone is smiling and chatty. You’ll feel like the grocery store cashier is suddenly your new best friend.

Other than a little bit of isolation since Robins is in the middle of the state and the closest city is Macon…it’s pretty fantastic to live in Georgia! The people are friendly and the food is amazing.

The Worst of Robins AFB

It’s humid.

The weather is really mild in winter, but summers are really hot, humid, and buggy.

It ices.

No one can drive in bad weather. Georgia isn’t prepared for the rare snowstorm or annual icy days. Even if it rains really hard, it’s terrible to drive. Hurricane season dumps lots of rain on the state!

Bible Belt

This may or may not be a negative. There’s a church on every corner. Blue laws are still in effect in some parts of the South, so you can’t buy alcohol on Sundays or until afternoon at least.

The base itself feels kinda isolated, but the town is growing around it. And there’s only a small clinic.

Have you lived in Georgia? What did you like or dislike?

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Best and Worst of Lackland AFB

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Lackland AFB was our second duty station.

We lived there only two years. I’d love to go back and explore San Antonio.

We had recently gotten married. I was pregnant. It was the first time I’d ever lived outside the state of Georgia. My husband’s parents both passed away within a year. My husband almost got decimated in budget cuts and had to change his career field from Communications to Medical Lab at Wilford Hall.

It was a stressful two years for us.

We didn’t get to enjoy our time there as much as we would have liked.

It’s Texas. I really like all there is to do and see. We began homeschooling in Texas and it is soooo homeschool friendly!

The Best of Lackland AFB

Great food.

I adore Tex-Mex and Mexican food. It’s the one style of cuisine I can’t seem to master in my kitchen, so authentic food in the San Antonio area was great!

Fun festivals.

There’s always a fun festival or event to attend in downtown San Antonio or the surrounding areas.

Travel.

So many day trips and places to see in the Lone Star State. So much great history and culture and art. Camping and other fun outdoorsy things.

Military-friendly.

Texas has lots of military installations. Most people are really patriotic and respect the military community.

The Worst of Lackland AFB

It’s really hot.

In summer, the temps are stifling and no wonder everyone had a siesta and went out at sundown! So A/C bills can run high. But you don’t need winter gear or clothes!

Texas is big.

It takes forever to get out of the state if you’re driving somewhere.

Traffic

San Antonio is a growing town and traffic in some areas can be rough at certain times. Plan accordingly.

Critters.

You have to be careful and watch kids and pets and keep your yard clear of snakes and other stinging, biting things.

Have you ever lived in Texas? What did you love or dislike?

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Best and Worst of Hill AFB

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We never wanted or expected to live in Utah.

It was a culture shock, but we made the best of it, as military families have to do.

We lived there for four years.

My husband deployed a few months after we arrived. On our anniversary. I spent the first winter of my life alone with four kids. Our cat died and the basement flooded while he was deployed.

The Best of Hill AFB

Outdoors Activities

We’re not so much into winter, but I hear the skiing is wonderful. I did like how sunny winters are and it doesn’t feel very cold. We enjoyed hiking, fishing, and camping. We explored national and state parks. It is beautiful there!

Affordable Housing

We rented a humongous house with a huge back yard and there were lots of nice houses for sale. There were new ones being built all over! We knew many who chose to retire there.

Deals for Families

Since Utah is known for large families, there are many deals for kids and families. Lots of museums and other attractions have family passes or free admission for kids. There were lots of consignment sales and thrift stores.

The Worst of Hill AFB

Religious Discrimination

The Mormon Tabernacle is in Salt Lake City. Many LDS military members put Hill AFB on their wish list to make their pilgrimage.

I wasn’t so surprised to be treated differently because we’re not Mormon, but I was surprised to learn that even non-Utah Mormons are given the cold shoulder.

And separation of church and state? Not so much in Utah. There were blanks on even gymnastics forms for my kids as to which ward we belonged. It came up way too often in conversation for our comfort.

Once my daughter reached age 12, she was excluded from activities in our neighborhood. This is the age that kids are more indoctrinated into their church. At the high school, kids even take classes at their ward for their mission.

Our kids couldn’t even play with any other children in the neighborhood on Sundays. Mormons take their Sabbath Day seriously.

Alcohol Laws

The alcohol rules and laws are very weird in Utah. I’ve never felt so like an incompetent child as going to a restaurant and being told I can’t have a cocktail without ordering food first. I grew up in the South, so Blue Laws aren’t news to me, but Utah alcohol sales laws baffle me. Liquor stores close at dinnertime, even on Friday and Saturday nights.

The Smell

During dry, warm days…the brine shrimp in the Great Salt Lake cast a disgusting rotten fishy smell over the whole valley.

Air Quality

The Inversion in late winter makes going outdoors unpleasant. Those with breathing problems should stay inside.

Have you lived in Utah? What did you like or dislike?

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