Confident Parenting

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June 3, 2014 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

So, I walked across base to the homeschool PE time to meet some new friends.

Elizabeth immediately met a sweet girl with many of the same interests. Tori and Kate played with each other. Alex mostly sulked and played with a basketball a little bit.

One mom ventured that her daughter was disliking doing chores, mostly because a particular neighborhood girl was bragging that she didn’t have to do anything at home and the daughter was starting to get a bad attitude about chore time.

The devil was gaining a foothold at that house.

I listened and didn’t offer any advice. She wasn’t really asking for advice, I don’t think. A couple other moms offered sympathetic comments. The mother wondered aloud if she was asking too much of her daughter. How should she address the issue with the neighborhood acquaintance?

Every family handles chores differently. Some pay allowances. Some don’t. Charts or no charts. I can see it might cause contention to have another child inform your child that chores don’t exist in her house.

But why would you let a child, an outsider, influence your parenting?

All I heard in this mother’s exasperation over the situation was that she wasn’t confident in her parenting.

I am by no means an expert, but I am confident that I am leading my kids in the right direction.

Up.

I point them to God through Scripture.

I love, love, love the book Lead Your Family Like Jesus.

I don’t hold it over their heads as a threat, but I encourage them in their work ethic and attitude:

Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work.
Colossians 3:23-25 The Message

I’ve never discouraged my kids from helping when they so desire (There have been times when I direct my kids to do something a little differently due to a scheduling issue or disastrous mess though). I want my kids to understand that work is good. Sure, I loathe doing dishes and each child has his or her favorite and least favorite chores.

We all have to pitch in to make the household run smoothly.

I want to raise my four lambs to be servant leaders, world changers for Jesus. They need a strong work ethic and great attitude to be successful.

Wondering which chores I expect at which ages?

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31 Days of Servant Leadership: What is Purity?

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October 31, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

What is purity?

The Free Dictionary defines purity as:

1. The quality or condition of being pure.

2. A quantitative assessment of homogeneity or uniformity.

3. Freedom from sin or guilt; innocence; chastity: “Teach your children . . . the belief in purity of body, mind and soul” (Emmeline Pankhurst).

4. The absence in speech or writing of slang or other elements deemed inappropriate to good style.

5. The degree to which a color is free from being mixed with other colors.

I find these definitions interesting.

And I’m going to say something shocking.

I don’t want my kids to be pure.

And I don’t mean virginity. Because the Christian community has hyped that all up and set ridiculous rules and bent them to suit twisted desires and legalism as each denomination sees fit. Purity isn’t about sex at all. We don’t teach the purity thing.

Purity is an attitude.

I want my kids to be dirty. I want them to get dirt under their fingernails. I want them to experience life and God and all the in-betweens.

I don’t want them to be pure, emotionless, unbroken, crystal clean in their ivory towers. I don’t want them to remain unaware about the horrors of this fallen world and unable to do something about it.

I don’t want my kids to be uniform. I want them to dance to their own drummer. I want them to be original, unique. I want them to know who they are. I want them to be on a mission. I want them to be confident in their spiritual gifts.

I want my kids to be unashamed. I want them to be strong and realize they are God’s princesses and prince. And royalty has its privileges. I want them to be responsible and use their power for good. I want them to be servant leaders. I don’t want them to be followers. I want them to use their talents and abilities and intelligence for the glory of God.

I want my kids to be inappropriate when it’s necessary. If we’re called to be missionaries, then how can we reach anyone for Christ with our white upper middle class accents and grammatically correct English? Learn the pidgin or dialect or language of God’s peoples so we can reach them for Christ. #endBiblepoverty! Christ ate with sinners and the outcasts of society. They’re my people too. I am most at home with those who aren’t afraid to be real. The cussers, the tattooed, the pierced, the broken, the unlovable, the lost. I don’t want my kids to live in a bubble.

I want my kids to get in the trenches and “mix with other colors.” I grew up in a racist time in Georgia. It’s probably still like that in some places, but it was sadly alive and well when I was in high school. I have untaught myself to see color. I see beauty. I see Jesus. I want my kids to see the art of our Creator in every skin color and hair texture, in the palest blue eye and the darkest brown eye.

I want my kids’ consciences to be at unrest every night that there’s a lost soul, a potential world leader in some forgotten third world country who needs Jesus, a mother who needs medicine and a hug, a baby who needs a loving and safe home, a grandma who needs to know she’s important and not disregarded.

I want them to be wrecked. I don’t expect them to be pure.

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31 Days of Servant Leadership: Respectful Parenting Resources

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October 29, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

Disciple your kids. If you don’t train them, the world will.

“Go figure out what this Scripture means: ‘I’m after mercy, not religion.’ I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders.’” Matthew 9:13 The Message

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31 Days of Servant Leadership: Valor

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October 28, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

What is valor?

The Free Dictionary states the definition of VALOR is:

Courage and boldness, as in battle; bravery.

Boldness or determination in facing danger.

Don’t you want your children to be courageous, bold, determined?

But to further the kingdom of Christ, not when you tell them to empty the dishwasher, right?

How do you teach your kids the difference?

It’s a delicate balance. Different personalities have to be taught these concepts…differently. My husband likes to say we have four kids with five different personalities. Our job is stressful and we sometimes struggle to raise these babes well.

My eldest is stubborn and fights everything we ask of her. I persevere and know that someday it will click with her and she will be an amazing leader. For her personality, I need to help her learn to tone it down, rein it in, not be bossy or mean. I hope and pray that nothing terrible happens to get the concept through her thick skull! She’s a natural leader, but she tends to be domineering. Her intelligence hinders her heart learning.

My son and second daughter need to be encouraged the other way, to be bolder, more determined, not to give up too easily if it gets hard. They’re shy and fearful. For them, I pray they will be strengthened and use their quiet strength for good and help others and glorify Jesus. My son is already kind and gentle and puts others before himself. I am thankful to have such a sweet-hearted boy who will grow into a man sensitive to others’ needs. My daughter, Tori, firmly desires fairness and equality and I know those ideals will serve her well in her future.

And then, there’s my Kate. I am fascinated by this free spirit who has never cared what the world thinks and I long to be more like her. I long to get dressed in whatever feels good, no matter if it matches by the standards of Milan or Paris. I long to be artistic and creative and in tune with my Maker and Nature and always hum a tune (sometimes quite loudly, to the chagrin of her siblings.) I watch her in awe, dreaming of the radical life she may lead for Christ. All I do is seek new experiences and education for her to explore so she can soak it up in her shining way. I know she’s a leader and she’s bold and strong. I want to be like her.

As parents, raising servant leaders requires constant tweaking, personalization, strategies and tactics. It is warfare. Spiritual warfare. Work with strengths and encourage to overcome weaknesses without frustration.

My job is not to protect my kids from failure, but to help them find their way to success sooner than I did. {Tweet that!}

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31 Days of Servant Leadership: Excellent

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October 26, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

What is excellent?

According to the Free Dictionary, excellent means:

Of the highest or finest quality; exceptionally good of its kind.

Too many of us strive after perfection, when we should really aim for excellence.

When I was in school, my grades were never good enough. If I got a B, why was it not an A? If I got an A, why was it not an A+?

I never looked good enough. My mother constantly admonished me to put on lipstick; I was too pale. This was during the grunge ’90’s, y’all. I wanted to look pale.

As parents, we often inadvertently teach our kids that they’re not good enough. When they rush through a chore or assignment, we mean to say it’s done poorly, but they often perceive that they’re not good enough rather than the job wasn’t done well.

As Christians, we’re bombarded with all the not good enoughs: giving, volunteering, teaching, nursery duty.

We can never give enough of our money or time to meet anyone’s standards.

By trying and failing to be good enough, we lose the reason for giving and become bitter. If we’re not cheerful givers, we’d better just not give at all.

If our kids see us stressing over works instead of following Christ, what are we teaching them? Do we want our kids to be moral heathens or true Christ followers?

Are you just teaching your kids to obey the rules? Or are you teaching them to seek after Christ?

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31 Days of Servant Leadership: Resources for Boys

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October 26, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

Boys need godly leadership. Parents need help to raise boys to be real men in this society that emasculates them and teaches against the way God made males.

Visit my Boys Pinterest Board for resources. Adding to it weekly!

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These are my favorite books for raising boys.

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31 Days of Servant Leadership: Praiseworthy

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October 23, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 2 Comments

What is Praiseworthy?

praise: approval or admiration

When we praise God, we show Him our admiration.

When we praise things of the world, we show approval…perhaps for the wrong reasons.

Do you crave the approval of other people or the approval of God?

I know I’m not alone in that I’ve spent most of my life seeking the approval of other people. I want to be loved, needed, affirmed, respected, appreciated, applauded.

I am ashamed of so many things I did seeking after that approval.

I want to live unashamed.

I want to be live boldly for Christ, not for men. I want to teach my kids that it’s ok to be our quirky selves and God uses the ordinary to make extraordinary. Who cares what others think? They may snub, raise eyebrows, roll eyes, smirk.

And too often we’re behind-the-scenes, working hard for what feels like nothing. We may never get to see or enjoy the fruits of our labors.

It hurts. It doesn’t matter if we know we are living in the will of God. We want someone to say, “Thank you.” “You did a good job.” “You look pretty today.”

It’s simple. Show your appreciation for beauty, kindness, help. Show someone Jesus. Teach your children that genuine love is more than empty compliments.

Seek to be praiseworthy and to hear those words: “Well done, good and faithful servant!” Matthew 25:21

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31 Days of Servant Leadership: The Purpose of Church

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October 22, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

Why should we go to church? Can’t we worship God just as well while admiring His creation?

Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. Romans 14:1a The Message

Honor God. Be gracious to others. We’re only accountable to God.

Be grateful in all things.

Lately, we’ve struggled at our church over programs. We haven’t had a youth group for over a year. Many members of our congregation feel like they need to advise me regarding Elizabeth, since she’s the only child who attends our church regularly who would be youth age.

I am not concerned. Remember that whole adolescent myth?

Many have left our church over doctrinal differences, lack of activities and programs, and church decisions.

The Bible states the only reason to cause a break in the church is if there is false teaching. Yet we’ve had several members who have verbally attacked members of leadership and staff. And I don’t think it was about anything other than personal differences. And then they got real mature and unfriended each other on Facebook.

I’ve always longed to belong, but after years of searching and yearning and crying over loneliness, I realize that I am transient. We are all transient. We are meant to be temporary, visitors, strangers in a strange land. Some of us are nomads in this life, waiting to go home. Others, less fortunate by far, feel at home in their stifling, breath-less togetherness, not realizing there is something better to hope for.

My parents won’t and my husband’s parents didn’t attend church. They say things like “I can talk to God easier and better in my own house, in the woods, in the fields, (insert your own place here) than in a cold building with hypocrites.

We’ve all been hurt by people. Some of us have even been spiritually abused. But we are commanded to gather together in Jesus’ name and worship and fellowship together.

Assemble the people—men, women and children, and the foreigners residing in your towns—so they can listen and learn to fear the Lord your God and follow carefully all the words of this law. Deuteronomy 31:12

If you’re not involved in a church congregation, you’re a crippled Christian. You’re practicing spiritual masturbation. {Tweet this!}

The word ecclesia is in the Bible: 20 times in Acts and 60 times in the epistles. It means “church.” Don’t you think church is important?

The church has five purposes:

1. Edify – discipleship

2. Encourage – fellowship

3. Equip – service

4. Evangelize – outreach

5. Exalt – worship

In too many American churches, the pastor does all five of these. Jesus is the only man who was capable of doing these five jobs well.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:24-25

We as an individual must step up and become the Body of Christ. Teach your children what it means to be a Christian in a church congregation and go into all the world.

I recommend the book Church Zero to learn more about the Acts church and how we can bring it back.

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31 Days of Servant Leadership: Admirable

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October 21, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

What is admirable?

The Free Dictionary defines admire:

To regard with pleasure, wonder, and approval.

To have a high opinion of; esteem or respect.

To regard with esteem, respect, approval, or pleased surprise.

When was the last time you expressed those emotions for the things of God?

As a society, we are drawing farther and farther away from a biblical worldview. Even Christians are too much in the world and compromise.

We regard with pleasure: food, flowers, jokes, entertainment.

We esteem: celebrities, leaders, idols, rich people

We approve: too much of the world.

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15

There’s nothing wrong with regarding things with pleasure. I admire a great meal, flowers, a waterfall, a keen wit.

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Psalm 19:1

We should respect worldly leaders, if only for their position of power. But they are not above God.

Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority: whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves. Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor. 1 Peter 2:13-17

We should not be too much in the world. If we are truly Christ followers, we will want less and less of the world and more and more of Him.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

What do you want your children to admire? Do you want them to equate Jesus with celebrities? Do you want them to be fans…or followers?

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31 Days of Servant Leadership: Right

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October 21, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

What is right? Who determines what is right?

When I was a relatively new homeschooling mom, a friend remarked to me about another homeschooling mom who “was doing it right.”

She “did school” in the mornings and didn’t answer her phone or door until school time was over.

I don’t know why that made such an impression on me. The friend who said this is neither a homeschooler nor a Christian. Her opinion shouldn’t have mattered so much, but here I am, replaying the scene in my head almost six years later. And because I felt I didn’t measure up to that “right” standard, I harbored bitterness and ill will in my heart towards them both. I didn’t search my soul for “rightness” or focus on what is right for me and my family. I focused on comparison.

What was right for that mom is not necessarily right for me.

But what we can be assured of, is that God and the Bible are always right. We can teach our children that families have differences. Worldviews must be aligned with Biblical teachings. Prune your hearts and relationships and what you expose your kids to based on what is truly right.

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