Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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A Year Later

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It’s been an entire calendar year since the USA began lockdown to eradicate COVID-19.

Over 500,000 in the USA dead from a virus because we couldn’t care about people over profits.

What have we learned?

We’ve seen an awful lot of uncaring people who fight mask mandates and argue with store employees.

We’ve seen retail stores and restaurants struggle to remain open. Some do a better job than others following recommended CDC guidelines, protecting their employees and customers.

We’ve see the breakdown of government leadership with an insurrection and failed coup.

We’ve seen local leaders torn between maintaining curfews and reopening the economy.

We’ve seen greedy corporations and wealthy individuals demanding more, more, more while so many are without the assistance they need to survive. Deregulation, privatization, and government bailouts make the rich richer.

We have seen vast discrepancies between the rich and poor, white and BIPOC, liberal and conservative, young and old.

We’ve seen our youth turn into zombies before the screen with so many hours of Zoom schooling. We have seen disparity with schooling for children of color and different socio-economic classes. What are we gonna do about it?

We’re in a housing crisis as so many are laid off and unable to work and therefore unable to pay rent.

Massive financial debt paralyzes a great percentage of our “first world” population – as poverty rates climb everywhere and there is no aid or end in sight.

Who are essential workers and why don’t we value them?

Climate chaos is here – vast fires and extreme cold and bizarre weather patterns.

The vaccine rollout is just a mess.

But go on, insensitive people, sure, go on that fancy vacation to imperil more lives who are dependent on your tourist dollars and have little choice but to serve you.

We have at this moment the chance to change our trajectory.

I am so thankful that my husband, eldest child, and I were able to be vaccinated.

My husband works in the WPAFB epidemiology lab. My daughter is a care worker for disabled adults. I was scheduled because I am a teacher. We file as an 08 school in Ohio and I received a message from the county that I qualified.

Our family has not dined in a restaurant in over a year. I haven’t gotten my hair done in over a year.

When did we stop caring about our neighbors?

Is it the rise of social media that gives us a false sense of community while erasing real empathy?

Why are politicians and those brainwashed by the “news” so concerned with avoiding socialism while maintaining American evangelicalism, racism, sexism, and capitalism, widening the vast abyss separating the haves with the have-nots?

We have seen how broken our health care system is and how so many people suffer trying to juggle their physical and mental health with keeping their jobs and paying rent. We can afford to care for people properly.

We now know how many jobs can be done virtually. We can abolish the rat race of 40+ hours a week. We can prioritize rest and relationships over profit. Will we do this?

What is the cult of self-care anyway? It’s doing all the unnoticed, tiny, deliberate, thankless tasks that keep us from falling downward into the spiral.

 Self-care should not be something we resort to because we are so absolutely exhausted that we need some reprieve from our own relentless internal pressure.

Brianna Wiest

If you’re thinking that the pandemic hasn’t really affected you and your family, then you’re not thinking far enough ahead nor about the bigger picture.

What is the effect this year of isolation will have on our children? And I’m not saying that our kids are gonna be behind in school. The psychological effects of watching our world burn this last year will be long-lasting.

What is the cost of a year without friends? Most of my kids’ acquaintances continued socializing all through this last year, oblivious to CDC guidelines. We are left behind, forgotten, dismissed. It will be difficult to reintegrate socially and do we even want to – with such callous people?

All the togetherness is trying for some families who are used to going their separate ways every morning – to day care, school, work. Our lifestyle hasn’t greatly changed. We’ve seen lots of complaining and comments from many families online. The lockdown provided children and parents time to learn they like one another. Or not. We have seen some issues with families who have to learn how to actually live together.

Why are so many yearning to “go back to normal” when it’s so obvious that normal isn’t working?

Resources:

  • Klara and the Sun

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I am not insignificant

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I’m in my mid-40s and I still fight my inner thoughts that tell me I am worthless, unimportant, insignificant.

It doesn’t help that my parents still remind me, if not so much in the words they used to use during my childhood and youth, but in their action, inaction, criticism of myself and family, my parenting choices and lifestyle. They mostly just ignore me and my children. They’re uninterested in what we do. I don’t bother to share our triumphs with them. I rarely call them and when they call me, it’s only to list their medical appointments and complain about everything.

As an only child, I didn’t know anything different than my life with my dysfunctional parents. Since I wasn’t sexually molested or physically beaten, I didn’t realize I was being abused verbally, emotionally, and psychologically. I think many of us just wave away abuse and think others have it so much worse.

I often didn’t eat lunch at school. I remember sitting at the dinner table many nights, refusing to eat. I had frequent migraines for many years. I remember having painful digestive issues. I don’t have many memories of my mother comforting me or caring for me when I was sick or not feeling well. I remember my father with cold, wet washcloths and massaging my eyebrows.

I felt like a burden whenever I was sick, like I was inconveniencing my parents.

I struggled to make friends at school. I struggled with school, but I managed to make good enough grades and stay out of trouble for the most part.

I didn’t know other families were happy, loving, accepting while mine was demeaning, humiliating, intolerant.

Kids can’t be expected to recognize dismissal, emotional neglect, narcissism. I just learned to cope and avoid and cater to my parents’ sporadic moods. I woke up every single morning with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, worried what tantrums my parents might have that day and over what minor inconvenience or misspoken word by me.

I had a lot of freedom as a kid in the 1980s.

But it was mostly neglect.

I had no escape, no safe spaces.

We didn’t attend church. I mostly felt lost and alone at school. I was sent outside to play if I was home.

After school and during summers, I ran the neighborhood, often having lunch at a friend’s house and not coming home until the street lights came on.

My dad traveled a lot and it was more peaceful when he was gone. I wasn’t allowed to have friends over if he was home. I didn’t know this was unusual. I always accepted an invitation to a friend’s house to get away from my own home.

I avoided most of my friends’ parents while also silently begging for attention. They probably thought I was weird. I feared all adults, all authority.

My jack o’lantern was always smashed in the street on Halloween. The yard was often TP’ed and the house and mailbox egged. I didn’t know what this meant, but I realized much later that my dad was hated in the neighborhood for years for his outspoken intolerance and criticism. My parents didn’t have any friends.

My bedroom door didn’t close; the hinges were warped. I wasn’t allowed privacy. Closing the bathroom door never mattered; my parents would walk in without knocking.

I was encouraged to try many activities, but they never lasted long. I longed to do ballet and learn piano, but it never happened. Ballet lessons were “too expensive.” We had an old, out-of-tune organ and I got lessons for a few months when I was in fourth grade, but it was hard to practice. They wouldn’t pay to tune the organ or get me a piano keyboard. I didn’t know there were recreational sports, but I’m sure it was also too expensive.

I was a cheerleader in eighth grade and I can’t remember a single game where my parents attended to watch me cheer. They didn’t even pick me up from games. I had to bum rides from other parents to Pizza Hut and my parents would pick me up there. It was embarrassing to be the only kid without parents.

I tried basketball and tennis in school but I felt very out of place and didn’t know all the rules of the games.

I wasn’t allowed to take art in high school except for one semester as an elective. It was a tiny victory.

When I became a teenager and expected to do teenager things, my dad criticized me for wanting to hang out with friends or date. He acted jealous and irrational. I had no privacy. There was no trust. I’m surprised he got me a car – a 1974 VW Bug for $650. I’m surprised he let me have a part-time job and keep all my money. I had to lie and deceive just to go meet a friend at a store or restaurant or the library. He acted jealous I wanted to have other relationships.

I was never a bad kid. I was too scared to ever really do anything. I was always home on time, but I was yelled at if I was even one minute late. There was never any grace.

It hit me hard the other day that my parents told me I was unlovable and made me break up with my boyfriend when I was about eighteen. He was a lovely boy and his family were great. They loved me. They were kind and good to me.

Who knows where it could have gone if it had been allowed to progress naturally? Would we have grown apart during college? Would we have grown together? I will never know.

My parent’s selfishness and unwillingness to relinquish control broke both me and him. I never got to apologize to him. I found him on social media and he’s divorced with a couple kids and remarried. I won’t contact him to dredge up anything because why should I now, so many years later. It would be selfish of me. None of it was his fault.

My parents also gaslighted me after my suicide attempt when I was 21, that I was just being used by the man I was seeing. Again, they told me I was unlovable and stupid to put myself in this vulnerable position where they continued to control me.

My parents found therapists and doctors to tell them what great parents they were and how childish I was. I hadn’t reached individuation. I had no autonomy. I mean, really? I was 21, being treated like a 12-year-old.

A child that’s being abused by its parents doesn’t stop loving its parents, it stops loving itself.

Shahida Arabi, Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

I was weak and hurt and fragile. I felt trapped.

This pushed me over the edge to run away and marry him.

I regret this, but it is what it is. What if I had been stronger? What if I’d had any support from anyone?

After I ran away, my parents found another therapist to tell them what a bad daughter I was – selfish and childish and ungrateful.

But I wasn’t a bad daughter. I was a desperate daughter, seeking connection.

My parents love to remind me all they did for me. They bought me clothes and kept the groceries stocked and paid for the house we lived in.

They provided for my basic needs.

They bought cars and paid for the insurance until I ran away. I never really asked for or wanted the cars that they traded in every couple years. It was like a weird game for them. They claimed newer cars were safer. Obviously I needed a way to get to school and work and I appreciated not having the bills.

They paid for my divorce. My parents co-signed for my apartment. Then my father co-signed on my home mortgage.

But, they never paid for my education. I did that with scholarships for my bachelor’s and a loan for my master’s. They maybe paid some tuition when I dual enrolled as a high school senior and paid for some books and admin fees.

Oh, how they love to remind me about every little thing.

Everything had strings attached.

They don’t value emotions or struggles or triumphs.

They refuse to discuss anything they don’t like.

Moving away was probably the best thing I ever did.

I had panic attacks the first two years. Then I spent a few years trying on personae to see who I liked. I didn’t know who I wanted to be. I couldn’t remember what I had ever liked.

It took many years to learn how to be myself. Sometimes I still forget.

Yes, I have been to various therapists. Yes, I have tried various medications for depression and anxiety. It’s been a long, hard road – to nowhere.

I am healing myself.

My parents have never expressed interest in maintaining contact with me or my children via snail mail, social media, or any communication technology. They just don’t want to. They sometimes complain that my emails go to their spam folder, but I don’t understand how that would happen.

My parents only visited us a few times times during all these sixteen years. They always stayed in hotels, which is a small blessing.

My parents drove out to San Antonio, Texas, twice, for the births of my middle girls. They were no help to us during that time. I had to entertain them and go out to dinner with them – all sooner than I should have left the house.

They flew to Hawaii for a vacation during December – the rainiest dreariest month. My father was sick almost the whole time and the plane ride for hard for him.

He couldn’t be bothered to come back out for the birth of my son a year later. My mother came alone and it was stressful. I had to rely on her for help. After all, wasn’t that why she was there? She was cruel to my daughters and I was unavailable and didn’t know until after she had flown home.

Then they visited me and the kids in Utah while my husband was deployed. My kids’ schedules were greatly disrupted and my parents wanted me to cater to their needs – to the detriment of my children. They got mad at me and left early, then sent me hate mail about what a bad mother I am and such a disrespectful daughter.

They never visited us while we lived in Germany.

We stayed with my parents before PCSing to Germany and when we PCSed back to The States. It was stressful. My dad had tantrums and left for an entire day, disappointing my son. Promises were not kept with my eldest. Everything was performance-based and we were all so confused.

They came up to Ohio for Christmas when my husband was deployed the second time. It was mostly ok. They stayed at a hotel and my kids are older and busier and less bothered by them.

They surprised my husband by driving up for his promotion ceremony in spring. They adore my husband.

Over the years, my relationship with my parents is superficial at best.

I reply to their emails every day or two. If I don’t email every day, I get criticized for not caring. They use Yahoo email like the rest of us use Messenger and they think my replies should be instant. My dad still has an ancient cell phone that only makes and receives calls. My mom got a newer Android phone but she doesn’t really know how to use it.

It’s been a lot. I’ve spent years trying to heal myself and this generational trauma.

I’ve struggled to make healthy relationships with others all my life. I worry my kids don’t know how to make and keep friends because they don’t see me or their father succeed in this. I feel alone and lost.

My parents have ignored me since January 6 and I really don’t know why this time.

They periodically do this and I always contacted them to apologize – for nothing, anything, just to make amends to whatever imagined ill they felt I inflicted.

Perhaps they’re mad that I voted differently and have different political views. My father emailed my husband, telling him he bought a gun and carry license.

I carry all this heaviness around with me all the time. My kids and husband don’t have these weights. They will never understand.

I am not insignificant.

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Maybe We’re Not Lost

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I think many of us have felt lost this year.

So many changes thrust upon us and we are not in control.

Plans canceled.

An entire year that feels missing.

Many of us stay home from school and work and most other activities. I realize for many this has been a very difficult transition.

We’ve isolated ourselves and quarantine inside our houses with our family bubble.

We also realized that many people are not capable of caring for others or following science and health safety guidelines.

I really just don’t have a lot of sympathy for people crying they can’t go to Target without a mask or needing to eat dinner out in a restaurant.

We’ve lived through many crises this year – a pandemic, forest fires, political upheaval, natural disasters.

What will we do next year? Do we really want to “go back to normal” when normal wasn’t really working?

What if we’re not lost?

What if we’re right where we ought to be?

What if we’re…found?

While our homeschooling lifestyle hasn’t much changed with the quarantine, we do miss the freedom of extracurricular activities.

(For people confused about what freedom, liberty, rights, and privilege mean – I spell it out in my Independence Day Unit.)

We narrowed our focus even more.

Perhaps we would have missed opportunities for blessings if we were distracted by other things.

We explore our backyard nature – the woods and nearby pond. We hike when it was safe at local parks.

We bought a house. We probably would have even under other circumstances. We cleaned our new house top to bottom, inside and out. We certainly had time. We did some repairs and updates. We organized and purged clothes, books, toys and more. We donated items when thrift shops reopened. We’re streamlining our possessions to what is best needed and used well and beautiful.

We’re certainly on screens a lot – social media, Netflix, games, etc. But the kids decide to play board and card games or D&D or draw or paint or bake cakes or skate quite often. They have natural cycles and their own needs and desires and balance their time pretty well. They have no schedules.

We’re continuing our regular studies, relaxed and unhurried. We read lots of books and research our interests.

I had surgery – laparoscopic myomectomy. I’ve working hard on myself – healing and growing.

My eldest daughter decided not to return to college this year. Online school was difficult for her last semester and she didn’t feel she could continue for this whole year. She wanted to explore other options. She is focusing on her mental health.

Then she decided to move out the first week in November. At first I was heartbroken and hurt. I felt betrayed. Why would she do this when she has freedom and security and no worries? At least it’s not with a toxic, abusive boyfriend. Then after two weeks, she was laid off from her new job. She went on numerous interviews and has a few offers.

Parenting young adults is hard but I’m learning.

What blessings will these sudden changes bring?

So, even though we’re existing in a liminal space, an in-between, unknown realm of possibilities…we are learning to recognize what is important right now.

Maybe we can use this time for rediscovery. We can reconnect.

We could examine ourselves and our values. What do we want our future to be? What do we want our society and our country and government to look like? What will we tell our children and grandchildren about this year and how we changed for the better?

It sometimes feels that we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. There are moments and days of darkness when we’re sad and angry and just feel hopeless. I know I’m tired.

These are the times when we shed a few needed tears, hug our families close, snuggle our pets, water our houseplants, make a warm cuppa, look out the window, and dream of a better tomorrow.

We must stop telling ourselves that we’re lost.

We might be on a road with no discernable destination. We’re just rolling along with hope that we might find a place we like, to stay.

I’m not lost. I’m on my way.

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My Laparoscopic Myomectomy

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My cycle was regular and asymptomatic since I was 13.

But the last three years, I got tired of suffering each month with extremely heavy periods. I even landed in the ER a couple months ago.

Ultrasound and MRI showed two fibroids, probably in my uterus for a decade or longer.

Who knows, really? Since the only time doctors took scans were to view pregnancies.

What are fibroids?

Uterine fibroids are noncancerous growths of the uterus that often appear during childbearing years. Intramural fibroids grow within the muscular uterine wall. Submucosal fibroids bulge into the uterine cavity. Subserosal fibroids project to the outside of the uterus.

Estrogen and progesterone, two hormones that stimulate development of the uterine lining during each menstrual cycle in preparation for pregnancy, appear to promote the growth of fibroids. Fibroids contain more estrogen and progesterone receptors than normal uterine muscle cells do. Fibroids tend to shrink after menopause due to a decrease in hormone production.

After removal, they can grow back. I have years before menopause, so I worry.

Symptoms of Fibroids:

  • Heavy menstrual bleeding
  • Menstrual periods lasting more than a week
  • Pelvic pressure or pain
  • Frequent urination
  • Difficulty emptying the bladder
  • Constipation
  • Backache or leg pains

I had all those symptoms for a really long time.

My belly is still big even though my youngest child is now 10. The few times I asked doctors about my bladder issues and tummy flab, I was dismissed.

I feel really let down by the medical community. No one really knows why women get fibroids. No one really know hows to stop them or treat them. Women’s health doesn’t seem a priority.

A female NP prescribed Mirena IUD to see if that would help my symptoms, just a bandaid.

I agreed to try it to reduce my estrogen and see if it would shrink the fibroids or reduce my period bleeding.

It didn’t help at all.

I weighed all my options. I didn’t want anything removed that didn’t have to be. Many doctors only do hysterectomies because that’s easier for them and a permanent solution to many gynecological problems.

I chose to remove my uterine fibroids with Robot Assisted Laparoscopic Myomectomy.

Thankfully, Wright Patterson Air Force Base hospital has a doctor on staff highly trained. She has been wonderful and I was able to get the surgery scheduled, even during the pandemic.

Before Surgery

I wanted to be as healthy and strong as I could be so I would have the quickest and easiest recovery.

I’ve been exercising and eating well for months, but I really ramped it up this last month and lost a few more pounds and got very toned. Still can’t lose this C-section pouch, but maybe with the fibroids removed, it will help.

No fish oil or flaxseed or anything that could thin the blood for two weeks prior to surgery. I had never heard this before. No vitamins or supplements for 72 hours prior to surgery to ensure no interactions with anesthesia or drugs.

I ate very light the few days leading up to surgery. No alcohol. Less caffeine.

I stocked the fridge, freezer, and pantry with quick and easy healthy foods for the kids and my husband to make. I planned dinners based on worst case scenario since I really didn’t know how I would feel the first week. I made them promise to make and eat vegetables.

Day of Surgery: Thursday

Nothing to eat after midnight. Just like a Mogwai.

I did not opt to sip water or Gatorade up to two hours before surgery. I hydrated well the last few days. I have a history of vomiting during my four childbirths, so I was very nervous about that. I’ve never had general anesthesia before so I was worried what my reaction might be.

I wore comfy loose clothes so I wouldn’t have to worry about anything tight across my belly.

I showed up at 0545 and got prepped for my 0700 surgery.

I got changed in to a surgical gown and got an IV.

I had already signed all my consent and risk forms. A nurse verified everything and asked some questions. It was quick and easy since I have no prior conditions and I take no prescription medications. I’m pretty healthy and boring.

Pre-surgery meds for pain, muscles, nerves, and an anti-nausea were in pill form. I got an anti-nausea patch behind my left ear that works for three days. I got anti-anxiety meds and saline through my IV. I got compression boots to relieve swelling and that was a great relief to me since I usually swell up very badly with IV fluids. I was told I would probably receive a block injection in my abdominal muscles before surgery to help alleviate pain.

The techs, nurses, and anesthesiologists were all so very comforting.

Last thing I remember was viewing the OR and it seemed like a whole crowd of people in there and my doctor asking if I liked her music as two nurses held and rubbed my hands.

My husband said he got an update that they had begun and another update when I was going to the first recovery.

I woke up rather suddenly and it didn’t seem to take long for me to get released home.

I was wrapped with a thick elastic velcro belly band and that thing was sure a life saver.

I was sent home with ibuprofen, Tylenol, and tiny Oxycontin. Also Colace for a stool softener.

I had a larger incision in my navel and two small ones on either side. There were gauze and Tegaderm over the incisions. There were steri-strips over the stitches. The stitches dissolve. Granulation tissue appears as the tissue comes together and heals. It can be red and puckery or white.

The two fibroids were 75.4 grams, 10.0 x 8.5 x 1.5 cm.

I wasn’t under too many restrictions. No heavy lifting. No driving until off pain meds. It was a long weekend, so I had plenty of help with my kids and husband home. I didn’t drive for over a week.

After Surgery

First Evening

I was very woozy and dizzy and not at all hungry the whole first evening.

I had to force myself to sip water, Gatorade, and apple juice until I felt I could eat a little. I was pretty queasy.

My belly was very sore and swollen. I had a huge bruise under my belly button. A heating pad helped so much.

I had pretty horrible gas pains all evening Thursday and all day Friday. The Colace helped and I took that for a few days.

My throat and diaphragm were terribly sore from the breathing tube for a couple days. Ricola herbal drops helped.

Day 1: Friday

I slept in my recliner in the living room for the first two nights, Thursday and Friday.

I was able to eat more normally by Friday afternoon and I felt my appetite return. Still, I ate light, less than I really wanted. I was still pretty woozy.

I walked to the end of my street and back.

The doctor called to check on me and told me I could remove the bandages and shower.

My husband grilled some honey lime chicken breasts and I ate ok.

Day 2: Saturday

I was able to shower. My kids told me I smelled like hospital so I guess that was their way of telling me I should bathe.

It took a long time to get over the dizziness. I had no energy or stamina for a week. It takes about that long for all the meds to wear off.

Saturday was a painful day. I started getting nerve pain in my incisions and cramps inside worse than any menstrual cramps I’ve ever had. My pelvis felt sore and heavy.

I was able to sleep in my bed.

We had our usual pizza night but I could only eat about a third my usual portion.

Day 3: Sunday

I took off the belly band because I didn’t think my belly was getting enough air to heal well. My belly button was too moist and the steri-strips fell off.

I walked one lap around our neighborhood pond.

My husband grilled a tritip steak and I was able to eat that ok.

Day 4: Monday

I felt pretty good and proud I didn’t need the support of the belly band anymore. My muscles weren’t as sore.

I did my regular walk around our neighborhood pond: 3 laps.

My husband made cashew chicken for dinner and I ate that ok.

Day 5: Tuesday

Rough day. I was so sleepy and woozy all day long and just longed to go back to bed. I was sore and crampy.

I craved salt so my husband made homemade potato chips with kielbasa for dinner.

Day 6: Wednesday

I felt better with more energy. I sat outside in the sunshine and sunned my belly to heal.

I was able to eat a little beef stew for dinner.

Day 7: Thursday

My two smaller holes are almost completely healed and barely visible. I was worried my navel incision was getting infected. I had diarrhea all morning and a slight fever. General malaise.

I made delicious spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.

Day 8: Friday

Still had diarrhea this morning and slight fever. Worried about infection. Got more steri-strips for my belly button incision which was not healing as well as I had hoped. Doctor said it is not infection, but it is angry.

Still have bruising on my pelvis and where the IV was in my hand.

Pizza night again! I made a white chicken pizza.

Day 9: Saturday

Rainy all day. I didn’t do much today. Resting is good.

My husband made homemade Philly cheesesteaks and fries for dinner.

Day 10: Sunday

Rainy all day. I was quite lazy. Resting is good.

My husband grilled an eye of round roast for dinner. I roasted a sheet of veggies.

Day 11: Monday

Didn’t sleep well.

Follow-up Appointment with my surgeon. My belly button wasn’t as healed as she liked. She told me to use bacterial ointment on the wound and cortisone for my rashes.

This was the first time I drove since the surgery.

Still feeling bruised and wearing jeans was probably not the best choice. The button was irritating.

My dishwasher died and I’m in mourning.

I made chili and tacos for dinner.

Day 12: Tuesday

Didn’t sleep well.

My kids had a dentist appointment and after waiting on that two hour ordeal, I was pretty tired the rest of the day.

We bought a new dishwasher and will get it installed in a week. I’m still in mourning.

My husband grilled salmon and chicken. I made couscous, sauteed spinach, and salad.

Day 13: Wednesday

I weighted 139 when I woke up!

Didn’t sleep well. Woke up with a bad headache.

I was tired all day.

My belly button is still bright pink and puckery.

I put my belly band back on for my walk around the pond and the rest of the afternoon for extra support.

I made borscht and goulash for dinner in the slow cookers.

Day 14: Thursday

It’s the two-week mark!

I feel strong. Sneezing and coughing doesn’t hurt.

My digestion is still off a little.

My bladder doesn’t feel as inflamed as it did before the surgery. I don’t feel the same urgency or spasms.

My belly button is almost completely healed. The scars are barely noticeable. My hand still feels bruised from the IV!

We cleared out the fridge of leftovers for dinner this night.

What’s Next?

I’m making changes to my lifestyle to insure healing and hopefully these fibroids won’t grow back.

I don’t smoke. I’m cutting way back on my alcohol intake. My D levels are good. I walk almost 2-3 miles every day. I’m not overweight and I’m almost back to what I weighed 15 years ago, but stronger and more toned. My blood pressure is great.

I’m increasing my fiber intake. Potassium-rich foods, full fat dairy like cheese and yogurt, and green tea are in my daily diet.

I’m avoiding sugar and soy. I just learned to avoid flax since it’s an estrogen-increasing food.

I read the Mediterranean Diet is best for overall health, but especially for women’s hormonal issues.

I already love the foods I ate in Italy and Greece and I’m incorporating more recipes into my daily repertoire. I’m learning about other cuisines from the Mediterranean region, which varies greatly. So thankful my family is willing to experiment and try new flavors and textures.

I go back for my last follow-up appointment with my doctor in early November.

Hopefully after my follow-up appointment, I will be cleared to begin exercising regularly again. I may look into abdominal massage if I still can’t lose this tummy after resuming my workouts.

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How Aging Changes the Body

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Aging is a natural process that develops at different rates, depending on both what internal and external factors are present. Internal factors are genetic processes that occur over time. Hormone production decreases and free radicals accumulate as people age. External factors, such as cigarette smoking and physical stress, are based on lifestyle choices. Older people are susceptible to both types of stressors that can cause memory problems and imbalance in mood.

The Cardiovascular System

Managing stress reduces the chance of hypertension and heart attack. Older people should eat a healthy diet of vegetables and fruits and refrain from smoking, which will constrict circulation and increase heart rate and blood pressure. Getting good sleep slows aging, since the heart and blood vessels are given enough time to rest and recover from full activity. Regular physical exercise is one of the best ways to promote heart health.

The Neurological System

Learning about new things and communicating with others are things people should do everyday. A family or friend could play a game with an older family member where they could make crucial decisions to determine their victory. A personal caregiver from adult home care Massachusetts could encourage an introverted older client to be more proactive in their community. Taking up hobbies like gardening or reading a fictional novel also help combat brain disease that could impair an aging person’s sense of belonging in their relationships. 

The Skeletal System

The bones will shrink and lose density with age. Likewise, the muscles that work with bone lose their strength and flexibility. Osteoporosis increases the risk of fracture, making the spinal or pelvic bone more likely to break. To slow natural skeletal aging, people should take huge amounts of Vitamin D, found in tuna, eggs and salmon. They may consult with a physician to get sufficient amounts of calcium by taking supplements to add onto their diet rich in dairy products.

The Reproductive System

Sexual desires typically decrease as people age. As people age, they should discuss concerns they have about stamina and desire with their partner. As an example, older men may have more difficulty keeping an erection. Sexual activity decreases in women after menopause. Sex may become uncomfortable or outright painful for people who are aging. Getting regular exercise promotes hormone production and improves mood and sociability.

Aging changes the body in such a away slows people and make daily living more difficult. Furthermore, aging can reduce the body’s immune response to diseases that undermine the cardiovascular, neurological, skeletal and reproductive systems.

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Benefits of Peptides for Skin

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The word “peptides” sounds like a type of laundry detergent or maybe even something a person would take to relieve an upset stomach or indigestion. Let there be no more confusion about peptides regardless of the name sounding like some major brand name products that are entirely unrelated. Everyone has peptides because they are produced naturally by the human body, although some have more than others.

There are many positive aspects of increasing peptide levels in the body, including anti-aging effects for the skin and promoting wound healing.

Making Peptides

What are peptides?

Peptides are naturally occurring substances created in the human body through the breakdown of proteins. As the body ages, fewer peptides are produced, and this, in part, produces an aging effect. Not enough peptides can result in wrinkles, sagging skin, age spots, and even an extended time for wound healing.

Synthetic peptides or those produced in a laboratory can be applied topically or taken orally as a dietary supplement. Peptides applied topically are absorbed by the skin to promote anti-aging effects. Those taken orally as a dietary supplement are absorbed and circulated throughout the body, including the skin. It is important to note that because peptides are produced naturally by the body, supplementing peptides lead to very few side effects.

Promoting Youthful Skin

The anti-aging properties of peptides have several benefits for the skin. Peptides stimulate collagen production, and this is significant because collagen helps to keep skin youthful and strong. They also help lessen wrinkles and fine lines.

Protection from the damaging rays of the sun is another benefit of peptides. Melatonin helps shield the skin from sun damage, and peptides increase the production of melatonin. For those who already have skin damage from the sun in the form of age spots or other dark patches, peptides can produce an effect called “skin lightening” and can make the skin appear less mottled.

Aiding Wound Healing

With tall of these positive effects on the anti-aging properties of the skin, it is no surprise that peptides have other uses in skin health. Researchers are studying how peptides impact wound healing. They have proven that peptides have an antimicrobial effect, which helps ward off infections by destroying bacteria. It is also known that peptides help relieve inflammation and promote new skin growth.

All of this makes for faster and healthier healing. However, since this is a somewhat new area of application for synthetic peptides, there is still more research needed to ensure it is safe to use in healing wounds.

The production of peptides is a natural process in the body that decreases with age. The use of synthetic peptides, either applied topically or ingested as a dietary supplement, has several positive effects for the skin. Used to promote the production of collagen, increase melatonin levels, peptides can also help to protect against sun damage and lightening age spots leading to more youthful skin. They can also kill bacteria, reduce inflammation, and promote the growth of new skin, which can aid in wound healing.

I take a scoop of collagen peptides in my evening camomile tea every night and I think it makes a big difference!

Resources:

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Memes as Therapy

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I’ve noticed a trend among young adults and teens.

Since mental illness and mental pain in our society is so silenced and scoffed at, ridiculed and invalidated, they make fun of it.

They have to make fun of mental illness in memes and stories on Tumblr, Facebook, and Instagram, SnapChat…teens and young adults share parodies and self-deprecating humor extraordinaire in group chats and when they actually meet face to face.

In his 1976 book, The Selfish Gene, scientist Richard Dawkins coined the word “meme” from the Greek word for “mimesis,” meaning to imitate when describing the natural selection of transmittable ideas. So of course, we bastardized that word to mean funny images online.

The apathy of my Generation X certainly showed in our nihilism and absurdism. We really were lost, latchkey kids, left to our own devices. No one knew where we were or what we were doing. We raised ourselves. Our grunge music, art, and movies portray us as hopeless, jobless, depressed slackers. We just shrugged and sort of accepted it.

We didn’t have cell phone, Internet, or social media. We weren’t constantly connected. We broke up with lovers and friends and never had to see or speak to them again. Stalking was in real time, if at all.

We grew up in the vestiges of political correctness, etiquette, courtesy, politeness. We obeyed authority, but grumbled about it behind their backs. We didn’t have any solidarity. We had no one to fight or blame.

By the late 1990s, Boomers gained the greatest social, political, and economic influence worldwide, and also a multitude of long-percolating crises reached their boiling points – climate change, national debt, a shrinking middle class, and worse.

The Simpsons and other parodies and dystopias have opened a doorway into darker and darker humor. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Millennials and iGen are suffering from student debt and feelings of loss of the American dream that plagues past generations but is now nowhere in sight.

The nihilism and absurdity of memes that joke about dying and mental illness reflect a neo-Dada movement. 

I wonder if we more openly discussed mental health in past generations would it have been more diagnosed and treated without so much stigma – or are society’s issues creating more mental illness in the last couple decades?

I’m a little bit in awe of today’s youth who are more thoughtful and aware and connected than any peer I’ve ever known.

They’ve never known a world without Internet, cell phones, social media.

Teens and young adults today recognize injustice and they speak out about it. They feel lost and alone, depressed and anxious, and they make memes, share stories, poetry, art online. They find their patrons, followers, comrades. They virtually rejoice together and curl up in fetal positions together.

Sometimes you just need to talk about something—not to get sympathy or help, but just to kill its power by allowing the truth of things to hit the air.

Karen Salmansohn

Memes as Therapy

Humor

Humor breaks the ice.

When we see funny memes, we LOL or at least breathe out through our nose a little more harshly.

Laughter really is the best medicine.

Humor helps regulate our emotions.

Those of us with depression might have a darker sense of humor than most.

Cognitive reappraisal is more than just counting our blessings or telling ourselves to cheer up. We can sometimes thoughtfully internalize a meme without feeling attacked or reduced.

Affiliative humor are jokes that connect us with others. Self-enhancing humor is similar, find absurdity and joy in dark situations.

Rejection

So many of us feel rejected – by parents, siblings, lovers, spouses, friends, pastors, society.

Memes are a way to show solidarity.

They can point out prejudice, -isms, injustice.

Memes can educate about marginalized groups. It’s not aggressive humor at another’s expense.

Yes, there is irony in sharing these memes. Social media brings exposure to an issue without adequately dealing with it. Social media is also a notorious breeding ground for negative behavior, and may exacerbate any feelings being shared.

We’re not trying to romanticize or trivializing mental illness with dark humor. While there is a risk of someone somewhere misconstruing or becoming offended, that is seldom the intent behind the memes.

Vulnerability

I love seeing celebrities being vulnerable when they share memes or personal images and stories online.

It shows us that we are all human with roller coaster emotions or overcoming trauma.

We can work through those ups and downs in healthier ways than past generations.

Memes lighten the heaviness of therapy topics. Sharing could raise ideas I have gone to therapy or experienced struggles. Potential disclosure through a joke allows us to be vulnerable in a controlled way, using humor to communicate about sensitive topics.

Studies show depressed people who struggle to control their emotions are most likely to enjoy depressive memes.

When my teens and I share these memes, it helps me to understand what they’re going through and how I can help. Often it gives us info to take to our therapists.

Do some of these memes make me uncomfortable? Absolutely. And I think that’s what makes them so powerful. I can examine why and search my soul.

Camaraderie

We share our experiences, opinions, and feelings easily with a relatable image.

When we share a meme and it gets spread, we feel seen We read comments. We connect. We laugh and cry together.

Memes can help destigmatize mental illness and help us feel a sense of community.

While many of feel isolated and have few IRL friends, we can connect online and make virtual friends.

We are not alone in our pain.

Escapism

The pain seems to be overwhelming.

But sharing it makes it bearable.

We like to read about other people. We like to think we are not alone.

This is why we like science fiction, dystopias, speculation.

We want to see a cartoon of ourselves cocooned in blankets eating Cheetos on our devices avoiding responsibilities.

We need the chuckle of a WTF moment or a nod at someone else’s experience.

And even this, like all escaping from reality and pain, can dissolve into an unhealthy coping mechanism. It’s a tool, but it needs to be used wisely.

Memes can offer familiarity, freedom, and levity in a world that, more often than not, flattens and invalidates queer experience.

Bitch Media

Some favorite pages: Pictures for not killing yourself, Cheerful Nihilism, and Aborted Dreams.

Therapist: And what do we say when we feel anxious or have a depressive episode?

Me: It just be like that sometimes.

Therapist: No.

Resources:

  • American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers by Nancy Jo Sales
  • Disconnected: Youth, New Media, and the Ethics Gap by Carrie James
  • Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other by Sherry Turkle
  • It’s Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens by danah boyd
  • iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy–and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood–and What That Means for the Rest of Us by Jean M. Twenge, PhD
  • The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt
  • Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit by Richard Louv
  • Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross
  • Hands Free Life: Nine Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better, and Loving More by Rachel Macy Stafford
  • Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters! by Rachel Macy Stafford

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Mental Illness Portrayed in Film

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My eldest child is in her second year at a local college. She is minoring in psychology and majoring in art, planning to be an art therapist.

One of her assignments for her abnormal psych course was to watch an {obscure film} portraying mental illness and write about it.

After scouring the Internet for a film that didn’t make a top ten list, we landed on No Letting Go.

It was not a good film by any standard.

The plot is about a young boy from age 10-16 or so, and his family navigating his bipolar disorder diagnosis. It’s based on a true story.

There are some issues with the film No Letting Go…

The family is rich and white. They have virtually unlimited resources at their fingertips, yet it takes them years to get a good diagnosis and the help the boy needs.

The father in the movie seems clueless about the needs of his family.

The therapist and family are reluctant to try medication.

It’s way past worrying about stigma. The family has lost friends, family, all dignity and respect of the community. The son has been expelled from schools for erratic and volatile behavior. Shouldn’t they try anything that could help at some point?

The family is all but destroyed before they seek help via a remote wilderness camp for boys with mental illnesses where he is locked away for months.

It’s based on a true story and shows the stigma and reluctance of most of us to admit there’s even a problem.

Most of the time, when someone with a mental illness is portrayed in creative media, they’re shown as simply melodramatic, glamorous, shallow, selfish. Despite numerous resources (because they’re almost always wealthy and white) and flippant family and friends who are mostly clueless what the person needs, these characters somehow are able to still lead a semblance of a normal life or self-medicate and push through admirably.

 A study conducted by the National Mental Health Association (NMHA) found that 70 percent of the public gets their information about mental health from the TV, 58 percent from newspapers, 51 percent from television news, 34 percent from news magazines and 25 percent from the internet.

Stereotypes lead to stigma, which has harmful effects on many individuals:

  • Discourage people from getting the help they need
  • Make recovery more difficult because people feel less confident
  • Promote discrimination in the workplace, school, or any social situation
  • Cause isolation because of fear
  • Negatively impact friends, family, and relationships
  • Create the view that those who have a mental health problem are outsiders
  • Damage self-image
  • Mental illness correlations with violence

That is not the reality of mental illness.

And there are so many films glorifying addiction, substance abuse, eating disorders and dysfunctional relationships. While we may see a bit of ourselves in those, they’re too brief and shallow to be diagnosable and representative of mental illness.

Many films blur abuse, addiction, personality and mood disorders, and mental illness. The producers, writers, and directions either don’t care for accuracy, don’t have enough time to explore the issues in a couple hours, or didn’t do any research at all.

Mental Illness Portrayed in Film

Creative drama is drawn to the complexity and fragility of the mind – but mainstream entertainment still demands a snappy fix. 

“Crazy” or “mad” characters are often personified as evil, anti-heroes, often masked or disfigured to ramp up the shock effect – like in slasher horror films.

Is it mental illness, the devil or demons, society, trauma, addiction, bad parenting, or what?

Western culture has been defined by films like Psycho, Sibyl, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, The Shining, Halloween, and Mad to Be Normal.

Inside Out is a great film showing emotions and mental health.

It’s interesting to see other cultural views like in A Page of Madness.

Some films on the list are hard to categorize or portray multiple issues. Of course, these are fictional characters or only loosely based on real events and people.

Borderline Personality Disorder
One Hour Photo
Single White Female
Fatal Attraction
The Good Son
Ingrid Goes West
Margot at the Wedding
Mad Love
Falling Down
Shame
Postcards from the Edge
White Oleander
Mommie Dearest
Gaslight
The Rose
Gia

Bipolar Disorder
Homeland (Dramatic TV Series)
The Other Half
Touched with Fire
Silver Linings Playbook
Of Two Minds
Helen
Poppy Shakespeare
Infinitely Polar Bear

Depression
Perks of Being a Wallflower
Garden State
It’s Kind of a Funny Story
The Skeleton Twins
Melancholia
Prozac Nation
Little Miss Sunshine
Leaving Las Vegas
Augusta, Gone

Schizophrenia
Angel at My Table
Lars and the Real Girl – Schizoid Personality Disorder
A Beautiful Mind
The Soloist
Some Voices
Unsound (Short Film)
Benny and Joon
Black Swan – Psychosis
The Neon Demon – Psychosis
Maniac
Shutter Island
The Fisher King

PTSD
Jacob’s Ladder
Call Me Crazy
Martha Marcy May Marlene
The Deer Hunter
Rachel Getting Married

Dissociative Identity Disorder
Girl, Interrupted
Welcome to Me
Frankie & Alice
Fight Club
Sybil
The Three Faces of Eve
Psycho

Anxiety Disorder
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Analyze This and Analyze That
What About Bob?
The King’s Speech
Rain Man

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
The Aviator
Contamination (short film)
As Good as It Gets
Grey Gardens
Hello, My Name Is Doris
Matchstick Men

I’m sure there are other films. This is not an exhaustive list. But some films gloss over, make fun of, glorify, or criminalize mental illness. We live in a society that is unhealthy and loves to portray us vs. them. Most media doesn’t offer families or relationship story lines of love, health, unity. It doesn’t sell.

Do movies promote or reflect a heightened public awareness of mental health?

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Lessons from Quarantine

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I didn’t even realize my normal introverted stay-at-home-homeschooling lifestyle was called “quarantine” until people started having real meltdowns on social media about being forced to stay home, work from home, not eat out, not socializing with friends at bars, restaurants, parties, etc.

People seem to really not like their kids, cooking at home, staying home, or walking in nature.

For years, everyone has underestimated my desire to stay home. I’m an introvert and I’m tired of apologizing for my simple lifestyle.

Schools are canceled. College classes are canceled. Churches are closed. Restaurants and stores are closed. Sports are canceled. Libraries and other fun places we would occasionally go to are closed. The kids’ gymnastics and ice skating lessons are canceled.

Very little of this really affects me but I’m trying so hard to empathize with people who are upset about it all. I am amazed at how well my kids handle disappointment and I’m sometimes struggling.

While I understand these times are hard for extroverts like my teen daughter, we can adjust and help each other through this.

What can we learn from quarantine?

Let us live in hope of a better day.

Lessons from Quarantine

Love Your Neighbor.

I’m very concerned by people who are living in denial that this virus is dangerous and deadly. I’m concerned about people who are still traveling and vacationing.

I’m worried about the people who can’t get their needs met – the people laid off, unable to work, immunocompromised, starving children, abusive families, those with mental illness.

The economy is surely hurting and will take a while to recover. Perhaps this is the time our leaders can rethink how wealth is distributed and what programs should be in place as societal safety nets.

I love seeing people offering to help others – by picking up groceries or however people need help. All the online threads with GoFundMe and payment apps to help pay bills. As long as it’s not caremongering – posturing and flashy “look at me and all the good I’m doing!” Performance-based-Christianity is a virus itself.

But it’s sad we weren’t more prepared as a nation and world. May we come out on the other side of this with new perspective in how to serve others.

Many church leaders are posting mini services and prayer chains on social media. They offer hope and connection to those who are anxious and scared.

We’re all learning how to love and it’s so, so sad to still see hate, exclusion, blame, and negativity out there.

Boundaries.

While I’m used to being at home with my kids all day, every day…the mental load of realizing that we shouldn’t go out and all our extracurricular courses are cancelled and no one can play or socialize with friends is still very hard.

I’m not really much of a rule maker, but I have to institute some boundaries to make sure we don’t regress into chaos since weekends aren’t anything anymore. I’ve never really stressed about screentime, but I will not have disrespectful attitudes.

My almost twenty year old daughter is struggling with having her freedom sucked away. I do get it. It’s difficult for a fledgling adult to have her wings clipped and it’s not her fault. Her anxiety is running rampant. Her college classes were canceled for the whole semester and everything is online and she doesn’t do well with that education model. She has a part-time job at a local bank and she’s at least able to work a few days a week at their drive-thru (the inside bank is closed) when many cannot work. It hurts me that she would prefer greasy fast food instead of our home cooked meals. I will not have her treating her young siblings like her peers, showing them inappropriate Tik Tok videos, Instagram, or Snapchat, and wanting to watch unsuitable films and shows with them.

There have been lectures, slamming doors, angry texts, and rolling eyes. It’s really hard to be a gentle parent sometimes. I’m not sure what to do or say since it all seems wrong.

My husband works from home most evenings and weekends while still going to work Monday-Friday 7-5. He’s a military medical lab manager and it’s stressful everywhere in the medical communities right now. I’m feeling sometimes like I did when he was deployed. He’s here, but he’s not really here.

Sometimes, I really just want to be alone for an hour – in my home office, on the deck, in the bathroom. In silence.

Simplicity.

I like the simple life.

We cook all our meals at home. Restaurant closures don’t affect us at all since we rarely dine out and rarely get takeout and never delivery. I’ve never used a meal delivery service and I don’t plan to start. I’m concerned for food service industry and their jobs and well-being more than my lack of ability to get prepared or precooked food.

We’ve been striving to get debt-free for years and we are getting pretty close. Our investments took a hit as I’m sure many others have noticed. We’re not especially worried since we’re in that for the long haul.

I’m not much of a shopper. I mean I order tons of things online for our homeschool and when the kids ask for something (and they rarely ask for anything!). But I really loathe going inside stores. I don’t care about fashion or accessories or jewelry or makeup. I love seeing the beautiful regular people using this time to show us their tutorials online though.

Of course it’s easier not to spend money and pay off debts when there’s nowhere to go and no one to visit. There’s no point in buying anything.

We read Deuteronomy 15 along with history read aloud of the 2008-09 housing crash and that really was interesting in light of current events. Perhaps we really need a Jubilee?

We’ve been cleaning and purging for spring. Making much needed updates and repairs that have been on our list for ages. We just bought our house!

We read lots. That doesn’t change. We’re bingeing dystopian film and books too!

We do lots of creative things like art, crafts, jewelry…

We play Legos, board games, Switch and Wii, iPads…

We evaluate our priorities and lifestyle all the time and continue to simplify.

Going Outside.

I’m seeing so many more people outside – walking, running, skating, biking, with dogs. They mostly keep a good distance and wave or call hello. It’s pleasant and I hope it continues.

The outdoors aren’t closed or canceled except when they’re getting swamped with people not following the distancing rules.

We love nature and the outdoors and we still do our almost daily walks around our pond and hike off in the woods in our backyard. We play in our driveway and yard.

We love seeing the blossoms and buds that are new each day as the seasons change. We watch the birds and squirrels. We await the new babies.

The warmer weather and sunshine are very welcome.

Making Memories.

We’re pretty doing the same things we’ve always done.

Our life is mostly unchanged.

I wonder what memories we will have of this time in the years to come… What will our kids tell their children? What will history say of us?

We baked brownies and breads, learned how to perfect homemade pasta, had more meals with our families, bought bidets during the great tissue shortage, and shared more of our lives online with our neighbors, friends, and family.

Sometimes, we have to go offline and protect our anxious minds. Perhaps we can grow from this time of rest.

Maybe we’re understanding what community means.

We’re learning what love means in a time of crisis.

How are you passing the time?

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Do Not Fear

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We live in a fearful time.

Anger is often disguised fear.

People act irrationally when they are fearful.

Sometimes it’s hard.

Fear breeds empty girls – fake girls with no opinions. Girls who smile when they want to scream and laugh when they need to cry. We are not that girl. We are the ones they’ve called witches. The ones who have too much to say and who feel too much. We are the ones with fire in our blood and we are not afraid anymore.

Brooke Hampton

Why do we experience so much fear?

Fear of nature

Many public places have signs warning to stay out of the water, off the grass…look but don’t touch.

I’ve witnessed parents, surely well-meaning, admonish their kids to not get dirty outside, don’t play there, don’t get in that, stay off the grass.

They’re kids.

They’re supposed to get dirty and play in the creek, grass, woods, in trees.

Kids are washable.

Of course, nature can be violent and unpredictable and we should prepare for severe weather conditions.

But usually, there is no bad weather, and we should model for kids that nature is good in all seasons. We should teach and model respect and awe for bugs, animals, plants, trees, waterways, the oceans, the environment.

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.

Margaret Atwood

Fear of others

Americans seem to have always had an us/them mentality.

I’ve seen it in the news and on social media a lot these last few years. Immigration, racism, misogyny, poverty. It’s so sad.

I try to teach my kids that we are one human family.

We are global citizens.

What may not affect me or you personally still may affect someone we know, or someone they know. When did the commandment Love thy neighbor become exclusionary?

I am raising my children to be revolutionaries who are nonviolent and hopefully will help change this world for the better.

I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created.

Romans 8:38-39

Fear of the unknown

It’s normal to feel a little apprehensive in new situations and to worry about the future.

But when worry develops into paralysis or anxiety, it’s not healthy.

It’s easy to tell people to have faith, be calm, trust, and let it go.

It’s hard when we’re in the thick of a crisis or difficult time.

Looking back over hard times, it’s easy to see how I perhaps unnecessarily worried, but at the time it was so hard to be patient and wait for an answer, a healing, better times.

Fear of risk

As parents, we long to protect our kids at all costs.

But it’s healthier for them to understand risk – their own abilities and limits.

While I followed behind my toddlers to catch them if they fell, I soon took a more hands-off approach as they became preschoolers and school age.

Now, they’re all over age 10 and I am in awe of how they fly without my hovering.

Some healthy risk, of course, is fine, but taking it too far isn’t a good idea.

We need to strive to be debt-free and not take too much financial risk. We shouldn’t be daredevils and test fate with our lives. We need balance.

Fear of failure and imposter syndrome seem to be more prevalent these days.

Fear of real connection

I have realized there seems to be a shift in our Western society of lack of connection.

I see it in the rise of addiction.

I see it in the divorce rates.

I see so many broken homes. I see rampant abuse and dysfunctional relationships.

People are quick to live only on the surface, never really getting to know neighbors, coworkers, even their own spouses and children before it might be too late.

I have no friends. People unfriend our family on social media as soon as we are out of sight to our next military base. We are disposable.

They were more important to us than we ever were to them.

I see such lack of support for women – working mothers, stay at home moms. There is a lot of misogyny and childism.

Our society doesn’t respect women, children, disabled, or elderly.

Our society blames people for being poor. or disabled. or different. or Black.

Is is time to worry yet?

Not yet.

It’s not time to worry yet.

Atticus in To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Conquering Fear

Sometimes, it’s almost too easy to give in to panic and herd mentality. We are bombarded with fake news or information with tiny threads of truth and lots of hateful opinion designed to promote division and fear.

Anxiety tricks you out of the “now” as you obsessively replay and regret the past and worry about the future. It tricks you into losing sight of your competence and your capacity for love, creativity, and joy. It tricks you into believing that you are lesser and smaller than you really are. Anxiety interferes with self-regard and self-respect, the foundation on which all else rests.

Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self 

Most of us are generally unaffected by the stock market, viruses that come from strange places, innercity turmoil, gas prices, racism, extreme poverty.

Gratitude and privilege will not save us.

Manage expectations, emotions, and reactions. Take it easy. Be proactive and stay flexible.

It’s how we react and what we do during times of emergency that show our true hearts.

Fear makes us grab traditional, routine ways of doing things. Or it might be so intense that it throws us for a loop and makes us run around wild. Both types are not the Christian joy Jesus speaks of.

Henri J. M. Nouwen, Following Jesus: Finding Our Way Home in an Age of Anxiety

From Adam Hamilton in Unafraid:

F: Face your fears.

E: Examine your assumptions in the light of the facts.

A: Attack your anxiety with action. 

R: Release your cares to God.  

Tip delivery people and wait staff well. Buy gift cards direct from local stores and restaurants to use later.

Wash your hands. Cover your mouth. Take your vitamins. Don’t in fistfights at Kroger over toilet paper.

Realize that others may have different lifestyles and experiences. Single parents struggle with child care. Wage workers can’t pay their bills if they don’t work. Some students are finding themselves homeless without their work-study programs, meal plans, and dorms. Overwhelming debt cripples this country.

Always be kind.

Don’t panic.

Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear expects punishment. The person who is afraid has not been made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18

Jesus calls us to rise higher than fear, worry, anxiety, judging, and not loving others in Matthew 7.

Are we generous or not?

You might like my other post about Fear.

What could you do if you weren’t afraid?

We’re all just walking each other home.

Ram Dass

Being fully present to fear, to gratitude, to all that is—this is the practice of mutual belonging. As living members of the living body of Earth, we are grounded in that kind of belonging. Even when faced with cataclysmic changes, nothing can ever separate us from Earth. We are already home.

Joanna Macy

In “Why Are Americans Afraid of Dragons?” I talked about how so many Americans distrust and despise not only the obviously imaginative kind of fiction we call fantasy, but also all fiction, often rationalizing their fear and contempt with financial or religious arguments: reading novels is a waste of valuable time, the only true book is the Bible, etc. I said that many Americans have been taught “to repress their imagination, to reject it as something childish or effeminate, unprofitable, and probably sinful. . . . They have learned to fear [the imagination]. But they have never learned to discipline it at all.” I wrote that in 1974. The millennium has come and we still fear dragons.

Ursula K. Le Guin

Resources:

  • The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin de Becker
  • Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig
  • Conquering Fear: Living Boldly in an Uncertain World by Harold S. Kushner
  • Unafraid: Living with Courage and Hope in Uncertain Times by Adam Hamilton
  • Unafraid: Moving Beyond Fear-Based Faith by Benjamin L. Corey
  • The Alchemist: A Fable About Following Your Dream by Paulo Coelho
  • Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm by Thich Nhat Hanh 
  • Do It Scared: Finding the Courage to Face Your Fears, Overcome Adversity, and Create a Life You Love by Ruth Soukup
  • Me And My Fear by Francesca Sanna 

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Lessons from Quarantine

Apocalyptic Movies and Books to Binge

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