Jennifer Lambert

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What Men and Women Should Know About Sex Therapy

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Sex Therapy is a therapy that men and women can use to help resolve sex-related problems. Sex therapists can offer face-to-face or telehealth sessions. Sex therapy is a highly personal process. Before you start the therapy process, you should know what to expect. Most people will need several sessions. Some therapists may require more than one visit.

Sex therapy is a form of therapy for men and women.

Therapists use various techniques to help clients improve their sex lives and build intimacy. They may also assign “homework,” which includes reading material, use of sex devices such as bullet vibrator, and watching educational videos on sex and intimacy. Clients may also be asked to perform specific physical and emotional exercises during sessions. Success will depend on the client’s commitment to the therapy.

Sexual dysfunctions, including erectile dysfunction, are often treated through sex therapy. However, the condition is often rooted in underlying psychological issues and may result in pain during sex. While drugs can help with these problems, therapists can help individuals find solutions through counseling.

It can help resolve sex-related problems.

If you’re experiencing problems with intimacy, sex therapy can help. Sex therapists help you identify and resolve the causes of your sexual problems. While sex therapy doesn’t automatically improve sex, it can help you and your partner communicate and feel more comfortable. The sessions may include reading materials or “homework assignments” that address underlying issues. While some couples go to therapy together, individual therapy can be equally beneficial.

Sex therapy can benefit couples and individuals suffering from various problems, including low self-esteem, relationship stress, and past sexual trauma. It can also help couples improve communication skills and learn new sex-related communication strategies. And unlike many types of counseling, sexual therapy does not involve sex. However, if your partner refuses to participate, it’s important to know that your therapist can help you improve your communication skills.

It can be telehealth or face-to-face.

While telehealth may seem like the best option for sex therapy, there are downsides to both options. For example, fewer therapists are available in every city, and traveling can be expensive and require multiple subway transfers. However, telehealth eliminates many of these inconveniences. But a downside to telehealth is that some companies may hire therapists with less experience to cut costs.

Unlike telehealth, face-to-face sex therapy is still a face-to-face experience. Most therapists have a private consultation room to create a safe and secure client environment. However, you can also have your session online via video chat. So while the sessions are still face-to-face, there’s a certain distance. And since sex therapy is talk therapy, you shouldn’t expect to engage in physical contact or have sexual relations during your sessions.

It is a highly personal process.

While sex therapy has received a bad rap for many years, it is a very professional and legitimate process. Sex therapy helps people with sexual issues identify the causes of their problems and work towards a resolution. A therapist will work with each person to determine what is causing their issues and then help them work through them. While it may be embarrassing to talk about your private life with a stranger, a therapist will keep an objective and professional level during the session.

The first step in sex therapy is to find a therapist you can trust. If possible, choose someone who has training in this area. You should also choose someone who you feel comfortable talking to and who understands the issues you are facing. Sex therapy can take a long time and may involve several sessions. However, it should focus on the specific issue you are experiencing and not on generalizations about sexuality.

It is not covered by insurance.

Many health insurance plans do not cover the cost of sex therapy. Some insurance plans may not cover sex therapy but may cover massage. Others might withhold information about coverage until you make a claim. If you’re not sure if your policy covers sex therapy, call your insurer to find out.

Some plans will cover sex therapy if you have a co-occurring mental health condition. If you’re considering sex therapy as a treatment for an underlying mental health issue, check with your insurance company for details. Some companies cover couples therapy as well.

Sex therapy is an important part of psychological treatment. It helps clients change their behavior and attitudes inside and outside the bedroom. While some clients attend sex therapy sessions independently, the results are generally better when their partners are involved. It’s also an evidence-based form of therapy. Insurance companies might cover sex therapy if you have a diagnosable mental disorder, but many people want to improve their intimate relationships without being diagnosed with a mental illness. They may also feel uncomfortable involving their insurance company.

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7 Useful Tips in Looking For Gyms

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If you’re looking for a gym, there are several factors to consider. These factors include location, coaching, hours, and price. Having one close to your home increases your chances of getting to the gym regularly. In addition, a national chain likely has several locations throughout the city.

Location

Word of mouth is one of the best ways to find gyms in Bellevue, WA. This age-old marketing tactic is still effective because friends often share their experiences. If someone has had a negative experience at a gym, they will most likely not recommend it to their friends. However, if the experience is positive, they will tell others about it. Look for gyms with reliable employees and high-quality equipment.

A good gym should offer a variety of functional training equipment, including gymnastics rings, suspension trainers, core bags, and Swedish ladders. It should also have a freestyle training area, which can help you enhance your entire body through playful and dynamic warmups.

Hours

If you’re interested in getting in shape, you’ll want to know the hours of gyms in your area. Most gyms are busiest during the weekdays, but you can find quieter times over the weekends. Peak weekend hours tend to be after 4 PM and before 7 AM.

You’ll find that most gyms are crowded between mid-morning and late afternoon, though college gyms tend to be less busy. It would also be best if you kept in mind that these times may vary depending on what day of the week you’d like to go.

Coaching

When looking for a gym, it’s good to pay close attention to the variety of services offered. For example, are spin classes, kickboxing classes, trainers, smoothie bars, or massage rooms available throughout the day? If so, these facilities should advertise their services well and attract members.

Word-of-mouth referrals are a powerful marketing tool. You can ask friends and family to give their honest opinions about different gyms. If they have good experiences, they’ll tell others about it, increasing their likelihood of joining the gym. However, if they’ve had a bad experience, they may be less likely to recommend it. Good gyms will encourage members to share their experiences, especially if they’re satisfied with the quality of service and equipment.

Price

Price is an important consideration when looking for a gym. The right price depends on the gym’s services and the area that it serves. A few things to consider when determining the price are the location, the number of members, and the hours offered. In addition, some gyms charge more than others, so make sure you know what your budget will allow.

A gym that is too expensive can turn off potential clients. Prices should be somewhere in between. Consider the demographic of the target audience. If your gym targets older clients, you can afford to charge higher than a gym that targets a younger crowd. Older clients, in particular, may need more personalized training. This may require specialized personal trainers and higher fees for special equipment.

Getting a feel for a gym

Walking around a gym’s facilities is an excellent way to get a feel for its operation. But first, look for the equipment you’ll use the most. For instance, if you like to use dumbbells, it’s helpful if the gym has more than one set.

You also want to check out how friendly and welcoming the gym is. Unfortunately, many gyms lack this element, and it can affect your motivation during your workouts.

Checking out a gym’s website

Checking out a gym’s website is a good way to learn more about their services. There are many different styles and designs that you can find. Some websites are designed with clean design and good typography, while others are more traditional. A gym’s website should be easy to navigate and include the most important details. A well-designed website will also include a call-to-action button and ample white space.

Before signing up, be sure to read the contract carefully. Contracts for gyms can be long and complex. It’s essential to read them closely to avoid nasty surprises later. You should also be aware of the hours that the gym is open. Many people assume that the gym will be open 24 hours a day.

Asking around

Asking around is one of the best ways to find a good gym. You’ll be able to find out about new facilities and whether they’re convenient for your schedule. In addition, it can be helpful to find out how many members a gym has and whether it offers the classes and equipment you want. Moreover, you’ll be able to find out about the staff’s friendliness and availability.

Before signing up for a contract, ask the gym if they offer any free trials. Many offer free weeks or tours to new members, or you can take a free fitness class before you make a final decision. If unsatisfied with the service, you can always move on to the next gym.

 

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I Tried Therapy

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Well, I tried therapy. Again.

I’ve come to the conclusion that therapy is just not for me.

I’ve tried so many different therapists and they were all worthless or harmful, never helpful.

I refuse to waste my time and money on a therapist when I have read and meditated and prayed and learned and changed and healed my own self over the years.

I know there are different kinds of psychotherapy, but either the therapists I’ve been exposed to weren’t very educated or experienced, or just chose to use certain aspects of talk therapy.

My first taste of therapy was when I was twenty years old.

I was locked in hospital for about a week and forced into group therapy after my suicide attempt. Then I was assigned to outpatient therapy – both group and individual for another week or more. It wasn’t helpful. I was scared and at the mercy of ignorant “professionals” who didn’t know me, didn’t know my history, didn’t know my parents. I was blamed for my own distress and for being an ungrateful only child to my parents. I was medicated against my will on Prozac, and that didn’t go well, serving to make me even more wary of meds to the point that I don’t want to try them anymore.

I tried Christian therapists during my first two marriages.

This is what the church, the elders, his parents and family and friends, the husbands themselves told me I must do. Secular therapy was a slippery slope and led to humanism and independence. It was all very harmful. I was told never to show anger so as to be a good, submissive wife. I was told to be available for sex at any time to ensure my husband wouldn’t stray. I was told to endure abuse and pray harder. I was supposed to echo requests to ensure communication was improved.

My first husband is a sex addict, porn addict, pedophile, abuser of his nieces and our daughter. He has abused his second wife too. His entire family protects him and they’re all in denial.

My second husband admitted he had been fired three weeks ago in the therapist’s office and I had to bite my tongue and cheeks so I wouldn’t physically attack him, I was so enraged at the deceit of still getting up and dressing and disappearing for so many hours each day – for three weeks – and his cowardice at having to tell me in front of her, in the safety of her office. He later accused me of contracting HIV and passing it onto him, though he was miraculously and instantly healed during a church service.

A thing I am thinking about today is how when abusers get therapy that isn’t specifically centered around the fact that they are abusive and need to change their behavior (which usually requires a therapist who specializes in this), it often just makes them more adept abusers. Therapy is generally focused on helping the patient achieve their own goals. If a therapist helps someone develop strategies for navigating interpersonal conflict but doesn’t clock that the nature of the conflict is their patient abusing people, they will become an abuse coach.

Annalee

Everybody talks about men and abusers needing therapy but few people acknowledge the frequent and real opportunities for abusers to weaponize therapy language and their therapist against you.

Jane Shui

My sins, faults, shortcomings were constantly addressed while men were upheld as incapable of doing any wrong and never being held responsible for their own actions or inactions.

I still fall into these mind traps since it was drilled into my head for so many years from so many sources.

The military medical community won’t even serve their own military members, much less spouses or dependents.

There is no continuity of care in the military. We are forced to move around so frequently and even though there is surely a database of our medical history, it is still hard to start over every few years.

When we were stationed in Hawaii, my eldest was “diagnosed” with ADHD at age eight or so, we were required as a family to attend therapy with an active duty military member. It was soon obvious that these doctors had an agenda. They put my daughters on meds that suppressed her appetite severely. They threatened us with abuse for homeschooling and coerced us to put her in the base DOD elementary school. My husband was worried his career would be at stake – and no matter if anyone says otherwise, it is absolutely a thing that spouses’ and dependents’ issues and behavior do reflect a military member’s career options. It was a miserable time, frightening and disheartening. After one month, I defied everyone and removed my child from the school and stopped the meds, and we returned to homeschooling and a healthier lifestyle. It took me years for us to heal from those few months of meds and indoctrination. I became further jaded about the medical and mental health community.

We were stationed in Germany for three years when we most desperately needed some assistance when our eldest child was a young teen and we couldn’t really get any help with medical or mental health issues.

We’ve tried to see several therapists now that we are back State-side, in Ohio.

I was encouraged to get a free app sponsored by the Air Force to help me learn to breathe and meditate. I was told to fill in a chart with a support plan when the entire issue was that I do not have any support. I have been offered numerous pills to alleviate stress, anxiety, depression. All bandaids that don’t even scratch the surface of military spouse mental health issues or my history of trauma, abuse, and mental distress.

I was required to meet with my PCM for referral to the behavioral specialist for three different appointments before then being referred to an in-network off-base mental health professional. The mental health professionals at the base hospitals and clinics are only available to military members, not spouses, and they only really discuss PTSD, not any issues with relationships or anything unrelated to the military job.

Getting referrals for mental health is so complicated and time consuming and there is no guarantee the therapist will be a good fit. There are six-month-plus waiting lists everywhere. It’s so much time, stress, money, and paperwork to shop around.

Two of my kids have experienced some trauma and need some mental health assistance. One therapist completely undermined my authority and suggested my child ask us to attend public school, then she would not follow up with me about my complaints, but just completely ended all communication. We were referred to an outpatient daily facility for a few weeks and the therapist, who seemed ok at first, shamed me into buying a guitar to help my child heal better – that has since gone untouched. Thankfully my two kids have found therapists we all trust and respect now, but it’s been such a hard road.

After being encouraged by my kids, I tried therapy – once again.

My kids have concerns that I need a therapist to continue working through some of my issues. They also were curious if I could get tested for autism.

We have contacted everyone in the Dayton-Cincinnati area and no one will perform autism testing on an adult or teen.

After many weeks of being on the waiting list, I was called to make an appointment.

I went with just a little bit of hope, but not too much. I typed out a timeline to save us time and help her remember who’s who in my life, so I didn’t have to constantly repeat myself and clarify.

First impressions matter. Her office looked like a social media prop or magazine spread – all pink and gold with plants by the window and a dozen or more of the “proper” social warrior bestselling books in tidy stacks on various surfaces. It was just so staged. The therapist earned a Psy.D., but she looked like a child. I had specifically requested someone older, not someone young enough that I could be her mother or teacher. Maybe she just looks young. She’s only worked in this field for about five years, so not a whole lot of experience and this is her second clinic, so I wonder why she left the first one. Maybe it shouldn’t matter, but I wonder if she’s married or even has had a long-term adult relationship or has any children. How can she even understand my issues then?

She was quite abrupt at the first meeting, explaining the cancellation policy rather severely (I kinda get it: don’t be late or skip appointments, but wow). She seemed very aloof and cold and clinical. I tried so hard to keep an open mind. She liked my outline and it saved time at intake. She was impressed that I finished my master’s degree despite all my issues – ha! She asked me why am I even still with my husband as she shooed me out the door at the 45-minute mark. So I thought about how harsh that question is for two weeks. I almost didn’t go back.

I had told myself I will go to at least two appointments before I make up my mind.

I went to four appointments! I figured the first meeting was just intake and not a real example of what it would be like and I really, really wanted to give her a chance.

I spent almost the entire second appointment defending my reasons for staying in my third marriage. It’s obvious that she didn’t think before asking me why and she stumbled over apologizing and saying she didn’t mean it that way.

This man is not abusive. He’s neglectful. He’s often thoughtless. I feel I change and evolve and grow while he is stagnant. There are way worse sins than being boring. We have history. We have duty. We share eighteen years of highs, lows, depths, cross-country and overseas moves, deployments, births, deaths, sickness, pain, joy. How can anyone understand or judge?

At the end, she asked what I wanted to work on most at the second appointment, and after these last few months, it seems most relevant to get an objective view about my parents’ ongoing tantrums and abuse and their ignoring me when they imagine I have slighted them. I also mentioned some marital concerns. And of course, I have doubts that I am a good enough mother.

The only helpful comment is that I should let my eldest find her own way now that she’s almost 22 and on her own. I have mixed feelings about this because I cannot just watch her destroy her future.

She all but scoffed at my husband’s issues, because surely I can see he has PTSD and I should be more understanding. OK, wow.

She doesn’t offer much insight about my parents and their behavior. She suggests that a superficial relationship might be better than any relationship at all. Really?!

After sitting with those two statements echoing in my head for two weeks, I just canceled this week’s appointment. I am hurt and confused that these are the only takeaways I have from four appointments. I feel like I just rambled on and on about pretty much nothing and how could she even follow what I said when she didn’t take any notes? There was no plan, no suggested reading, no skills to practice. I don’t need to pay someone to listen to me drone on when they offer nothing. She is not personable and I don’t need someone who’s touchy-feely, and I don’t want hugs, but she is just wooden. She made it a point at the beginning of each meeting to find something about my appearance to compliment and it just felt so scripted. Maybe I’m expected to suck it up and push through for a few months, but I just don’t have the energy or heart space for that.

I should just take more neglect and abuse and this is the best I can ever hope for?

I really do not want to waste more time or money being told that I am the problem and no one else has any responsibility at all to have a healthy relationship.

It’s hard when everyone around me is in denial that there’s anything wrong and they only desire toxic positivity and refuse to work through anything or admit any past shadows.

Therapists are not immune to cultural conditioning, and when they buy into sexist bullshit—as most do, in a patriarchy—they can do untold harm. ~Zawn

What even is the point of therapy? Mostly, it is to help people fit well into society. I absolutely do not want to fit in when society is so ill – racism, sexism, capitalism, for-profit healthcare. Often, therapy is to heal from horrible trauma, but I have done a lot of that on my own and I don’t see anything a professional can do that I haven’t found for myself.

On the one hand, it’s largely a fill in for the alienation from healthy community inherent to capitalism, and many therapeutic approaches to mental health simply aim to return someone to a state of functioning within capitalism. But it’s also absolutely necessary for a lot of people and can be life-saving, since we currently live in capitalist cishetereopatriarchal settler colonial empire. ~The Resistance Garden

I’m also thankful that I have time and money to find therapists for my two children who need and want it and to have tried it for myself, even thought I don’t think it’s a good option for me. I worry so much about people who don’t have resources and access to mental health help. We are a sick society.

We hear constantly: “Go to therapy!” but therapy fails so many individuals and families. It’s not always the best answer or only way.

Books That Have Helped Me:

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The pillars of traditional healing were 1) connection to clan and the natural world; 2) regulating rhythm through dance, drumming, and song; 3) a set of beliefs, values, and stories that brought meaning to even senseless, random trauma; and 4) on occasion, natural hallucinogens or other plant-derived substances used to facilitate healing with the guidance of a healer or elder. It is not surprising that today’s best practices in trauma treatment are basically versions of these four things. Unfortunately, few modern approaches use all four of the options well. The medical model overfocuses on psychopharmacology (4) and cognitive behavioral approaches (3). It greatly undervalues the power of connectedness (1) and rhythm (2).

In Western psychiatry we like to separate them, but that misses the true essence of the problem. We are chasing symptoms, not healing people.

Dr. Bruce D. Perry in What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
https://twitter.com/profsamperry

Something missing from “go to therapy” discourse is that most therapists are not very good?

Raquel Benedict

On privilege and therapy. People often ask me if I go to therapy, I don’t. Not because I don’t think therapy is helpful. I know it is. It just didn’t work for me. A THREAD:

Jo Leuhmann

Linking up: Eclectic Red Barn, Silverado, April Harris, Mostly Blogging, Create with Joy, Pinch of Joy, Random Musings, Ridge Haven, Shelbee on the Edge, Penny’s Passion, Katherine’s Corner, Try it Like it, Slices of Life, Homestead, God’s Growing Garden, Jenerally Informed, InstaEncouragements, LouLou Girls, OMHG, Simply Coffee, Life Abundant, Fluster Buster, Being a Wordsmith, Answer is Chocolate, Momfessionals, Modern Monticello, Imparting Grace, Joanne Viola, Lisa Notes, Pam’s Party, Pieced Pastimes, Suburbia,

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What You Need To Know About Treatments for Drug Addiction

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Drug addiction spreads widely among the United States population. Although substance abuse disorders affect many, the recovery from craving pharmaceuticals can feature individualized options to meet the needs of those who seek help. Knowing this can aid those who face challenges with drug dependence find the assistance they need to control their habit and manage the addiction for life.

People choose to take too many medications for various reasons. For instance, they may find life situations involving work or relationships difficult and thus turn to pharmaceuticals to soothe themselves. Unfortunately, the brain becomes desensitized to medicines, and it takes consuming more of their preferred remedy to create the comfort they expect from the harmful substances. Over time, increased quantities often get consumed. Consequently, if you or a family member find that substance abuse disorders have taken control of your lives, many find it beneficial to turn to professionals to learn more about what you need to know about addiction treatment options.

Inpatient or Outpatient Services

When people struggle with drug habits, a detox LA center treatment facility can provide the assistance and support needed for recovery. For example, choosing an outpatient program makes sense if your schedule does not allow inpatient care or if you cannot leave your work or home environment for long. In addition, an outpatient program can offer counseling sessions to guide your desire to change harmful behaviors to healthy ones. Conversely, inpatient treatment options might benefit those with longer-lasting or deeper-seated addictions. Utilizing this scenario, you spend twenty-four hours a day at a treatment center, and while there, you focus daily on altering behavior and healing in a nurturing environment.

Change Begins With Detoxification From Drugs 

Many find the detoxification process best accomplished with the help of medical and behavioral professionals. Detoxification goals include removing all illicit medicines from the patient’s bodily systems. However, doing so can cause discomfort for some. Thus doctors might provide prescription medications in conjunction with additional treatments to help ease the symptoms until the body tests negative for the problematic medicines. 

Behavior Modification Continues Through Counseling

Many people with drug dependencies find the support they need when participating in group and individual guidance sessions. Several counseling therapies have proven to benefit those with substance abuse issues, including cognitive behavioral and 12-step therapies, among many others. In addition, counselors who specialize in helping those with addictions can tailor treatments to suit patients’ unique needs, giving them the specific benefit they need to change their behaviors for the long term. 

Aftercare Offers Support for Continued Success

Although many work their way through rehabilitation programs, some find it difficult to maintain sobriety after the initial success of abstinence from illicit pharmaceuticals. Continuing to meet regularly in an environment that encourages the desired behaviors gives those with unhealthy obsessions the support they need over time to remain drug-free.

Drug addiction can occur rapidly or progress over long periods. However, once people choose to get clean from harmful pharmaceuticals, rehabilitation systems can provide the boost needed to bring substance abusers to act to bring the changes to their lives that will lead them to an enduring recovery.

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Benefits of Taking a Magnesium Complex Supplement

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All people should strive to live a healthy lifestyle. While this will include exercising regularly and following a proper diet, it can also include taking vitamins and supplements to ensure your body is getting all of the nutrients it needs. One supplement that all people should consider taking is Magnesium Complex. This magnesium supplement offers a variety of benefits that can help aid your body and mind.

Help Aid Mental Health

Mental health continues to be a challenge for many people. As the amount of stress people face does not appear to be declining, finding a way to manage it is very important. The use of magnesium can help with this. Various studies have shown that taking magnesium can help to alleviate stress and reduce symptoms of depression. It is important to talk with your doctor about using magnesium for support if you are struggling with mental health. 

Muscle Relaxation

Getting proper support with muscle relaxation is quite important. If your muscles are tight, they are prone to cramping during the night and when exercising. This can make it harder to sleep and stay in shape. If you take a magnesium complex supplement, you can receive some support from this concern. This will not only help you avoid some discomfort, but it can also help you sleep better at night. 

Possible Support for Major Health Risks and Illnesses

Due to the potential benefits of magnesium, many different studies on the supplement have been performed. Some of these studies have focused on whether it can help someone manage and prevent major health risks, including stroke and heart disease. These studies have found a correlation that following a diet that is high in magnesium can help to reduce your blood pressure, which could also lead to a reduction in certain types of strokes. 

Sleep Aid

Getting enough sleep is very important. Not only will having sleep help you feel alert and rested, but it can reduce stress and allow you to perform your best the next day. If you are struggling to get sleep, particularly if you are challenged with any type of insomnia, incorporating magnesium supplements into your diet could be helpful. These supplements can help to relax the body and will provide someone with the aid they need to sleep well. 

Complex Formula Supports Absorption

While magnesium clearly provides some value and support when taken as a supplement, some people may struggle to absorb it naturally. If this happens, you will not benefit from the supplements, even if you take them on a daily basis. When taking a complex supplement, it will be combined with Vitamin B6, which will provide you with additional support and ensure that it can be properly absorbed by your body. 

Following a healthy diet and lifestyle is very important. When you are looking to be healthy, you will want to ensure that you are getting all of the proper nutrients and vitamins. There are various benefits that come when taking supplements, such as magnesium.  

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Top Self-Care Strategies for Feeling Your Best

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The modern world can be hectic, with our daily lives often filled with work pressures, family challenges, and calendars overflowing with activities. It can be difficult to maintain a sense of calm when you feel the weight of life’s pressures, but there is hope. By prioritizing <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-care”>self-care</a>, you can feel your best and be equipped to tackle any issue that life throws your way. Consider these top self-care strategies to help you find success and happiness in your day-to-day life.

Be Physically Active

With so many people working in front of a computer all day, the adverse effects of a sedentary lifestyle are increasingly commonplace. Your body is not designed to sit in one place for long stretches of time, and if you don’t move and stretch enough, health problems can occur, including:

  • Weight gain
  • Muscle and bone weakness
  • Higher risk of diabetes
  • Sore back and neck
  • Increased risk of heart issues
  • More depression and anxiety

To avoid these issues, integrate exercise and movement into your daily life. For example, if you need to travel a short distance, consider walking or biking rather than driving. Also, be more active during the workday by using a standing desk and taking hourly breaks to stretch and refuel.

You should also exercise regularly if you want to feel and look your best. Experts suggest that you aim for 150 minutes of moderate-intensity activity each week, as well as two days of strength training. While you should keep these guidelines in mind when choosing a workout, it’s also important to select an activity that appeals to you to increase the likelihood of consistency.

Prioritize Sleep

The quantity and quality of your sleep have a profound impact on your health. In fact, getting enough sleep impacts everything from your risk of chronic illness to the state of your mental health.

To prioritize sleep, maintain a consistent schedule for both bedtime and waketime. Also, increase your odds for good sleep by avoiding caffeine, alcohol, and blue light late in the day.

Eat Well

A healthy diet is also critical for looking and feeling your best. Avoid eating processed foods, and instead, aim to get plenty of fresh fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and complex carbohydrates every day.

Think Positively

It’s not only what you do but also how you think that makes a difference in the quality of your life. Dr. Jason Campbell contends, “positive thinking and imagery are a type of self-care in themselves, because they can benefit your mental health.”

By developing a more positive way of thinking, you can motivate yourself to exercise, find the courage to take risks, and view all of life’s events in a more positive light. From a practical angle, what can you do to create positive thoughts? Helpful techniques include:

  • Starting a daily meditation practice that helps you center your thoughts
  • Listening to music that speaks to you on a deeper level
  • Recording what you are thankful for in a gratitude journal
  • Using imagery to create a happy, calm mood

With overpacked schedules and mounting pressures, life can feel overwhelming at times. But luckily, self-care can help. By developing healthy habits and taking the time to look inward, you can find a sense of peace that helps you face anything.

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What if I die?

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My parents had me pretty late for the times. They were 35 in 1976, had been married for about thirteen years. They were set in their ways. I was unwelcome as an upset to the schedule even though they assure me I was desperately wanted.

I have mourned my parents since I was about eight years old. I worried about what would happen to me if my parents died before I was 18. I knew in a macabre sense that I would forever have no one to help me and it would be super hard when my parents got older.

Being an only child of aging parents is tough.

It’s been a long time since I lived nearby and the relationship has never been anything but toxic.

Sixteen years is a long time to live away and only have a few emails to maintain a relationship that’s passive aggressive at best and narcissistic at worst. The most recent email was an admonishment from my mother that she doesn’t know my kids, doesn’t talk to them, only knows what I tell her. She doesn’t even pay attention to what I tell her and seldom comments on any pictures I send. Why must I make all the effort?

My parents ignored me in a little tantrum for several months last year and I worried: how would I even know if they got sick or injured?

It makes me sad and also a little bit scared.

My parents turn 80 next year. They live in a HUGE 3-story house and are still independent, but I wonder how long that will last and what could happen in a blink of an eye. They’re vaccinated, but they live in Georgia and there aren’t any protections in place and they live as though we are not in an international crisis.

Time is running out for healing a broken relationship.

What if I get COVID-19?

I never thought I would really have to plan or worry about what would happen to my family if my husband or I get chronically ill, hospitalized, or died. I mean, we plan for these possibilities with wills, POA, legal paperwork, insurance, investments. We surely hope it never has to be used while the children are young. But the reality with COVID-19 and the political climate means that I have to think about it more as a probability.

Our will states my parents and my husband’s two sisters as next of kin, but that doesn’t ease my mind at all. My parents are old and my husband’s sisters have their own busy families. None of these people share my values at all.

While I feel assured my family would be ok long-term because of our financial planning, that doesn’t help me with the thoughts of how would they cope emotionally and psychologically or in the short-term.

My husband and I, and our three older kids, are all vaccinated and wear masks when we leave the house.

My husband works full-time, in a medical laboratory facility. He’s frontline and knows the statistics and risks. I’ve been very frightened for years what he could be exposed to or bring home. We did get H1N1 a couple years ago, even with the flu shot.

I’m the one who usually goes to the stores to buy groceries. I’m putting myself at risk every time I leave the house. Yes, I know I could use pickup or delivery services, but that has other issues. My greatest fear is asphyxiation. The thought of me contracting a deadly respiratory virus and possibly being hospitalized and intubated while quarantined, isolated, and alone is terrifying to me. I lie awake at night considering if I might have been exposed. Is that cramp the beginning? Did I just feel a tiny shortness of breath? Is my chest tightening? Is this COVID or anxiety or allergies? Will I be ambulanced away or dropped off at the ER and not be able to say goodbye to my family? The irony of my functional depression and constant suicide ideation is not lost on me as I realize I don’t want to die…like that.

I have food anxiety and constantly worry about stocking up on essentials and stress about my kids eating healthy meals and having snacks and enough sports drinks to stay hydrated. I worry even more what would happen if they had to somehow fend for themselves for a long period of time if I got sick or had to be hospitalized.

I’m terrified of my kids contracting the virus. How do we quarantine one in our house so the rest are safe? What if I have to leave my child alone in the hospital?

While my eldest is on her own, working fulltime and living with friends, she is still in a liminal space in her young life and I worry constantly about her wellbeing. A coworker just tested positive and my daughter caught a bad cold and we all held our breath until her COVID test showed “no detection.”

We have always homeschooled. My middle kids will be on the cusp of completing their academics and approaching graduation time in the next two years. While there is still a lot of paperwork for the state and hoops to jump through for them to enter college early, I don’t have so many worries about their education.

My son is only 11 and cannot be vaccinated yet. We’re planning a freaking family birthday party at our local drugstore for when he turns 12 and can get the shot. I’m only sort of joking.

The kids lost their neighborhood friends when some continued to play together while we were in lockdown and one teen boy decided it was the perfect time to inform us that all Muslims are terrorists and all LGBTQ will go to hell.

I worry how he would survive in a school environment or how he could continue homeschooling if something happened to his dad or me. How would his siblings be able to help or handle it?

We were never meant to live in perpetual crisis.

I chose to settle in suburbia so my kids could grow up in safety and peace and have a little nature to play in like I did when I was a child.

I feel lost, alone, scared, betrayed.

I can’t protect my kids from a society intent on killing its less valuable citizens.

I am enraged by people living in complacency or outright denial that there is a vast plague affecting the vulnerable populations around the world. I cannot fathom that governments and individuals really think it’s acceptable to sacrifice children, elderly, others who are most at risk of contracting and getting very ill or dying from this virus.

We are witnessing the collapse of our society like the slow motion fall of Rome while too many people cry that they just want to “return to normal” because that was comfortable for them and they benefited too well from that normal that was anything but normal for many.

We have the opportunity to improve our society, and correct past wrongs that have been highlighted by the too brief COVID shutdowns, but that seems like a fleeting pipe dream as we realize our rights are being reneged after decades, people are evicted and homeless and jobless, schools aren’t updating nor protecting our young, and we’re sacrificing our disrespected elderly to the gods of capitalism.

I am horrified but also feel paralyzed and helpless.

While I do believe that one person can help make a difference, I feel like a tiny teardrop in a bucket full of holes.

Too many financially stable and comfortable people who do care just a little only want to donate a little money or their used clothes and closet cleanouts and feel better about themselves, like that really helps anyone who needs help.

The social media posts from naysaying parents who don’t want their kids “controlled by politics, having to wear masks in school, nor live in fear” are just raising another generation of selfish and hateful people. My daughter takes a gymnastics class with a friend whose sister has COVID. Contact tracing and waiting and quarantine has us all in a panic, as we monitor every sniffle, sneeze, scratch in the throat.

I am perhaps not as shocked as I could be that many Christians are living like they’re going to be rescued by God despite not taking any precautions and showing their disdain for everyone else who is. I don’t think that’s the way it works. A deadly virus not a bipartisan or religious issue.

Vaccine mandates are really bringing out the worst in some people. They would rather quit their jobs than get a shot. And some of these people are in service and health industries, which makes me even sadder.

I am infuriated by all the people traveling, vacationing, going to church, concerts, and restaurants – like everything is not literally on fire and people are dying. They live in a different world.

I don’t want to see the fucking selfish blog posts and social media images of the beach vacations or restaurant dining. These people are putting everyone at risk as they pretend everything is fine.

I am disgusted by social media images of 13 beers on restaurant tables with cheerfully unmasked diners – as our children are hospitalized while politicians ridicule and deny anyone who fears a deadly virus and also refusing refugees any humanity and taking away human rights from women. My grandfather, father, and husband didn’t put on a uniform and serve their country for a publicity stunt.

People confuse patriotism with nationalism and only pick and choose who they deem worthy of honor.

We need systemic changes.

Linking up: Pinch of Joy, House on Silverado, Grammy’s Grid, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, Anchored Abode, Suburbia, InstaaEncouragements, April Harris, Pam’s Party, Shelbee on the Edge, LouLou Girls, Mostly Blogging, Jenerally Informed, OMHG, Pieced Pastimes, LEO Wife, Thistle Key Lane, Ridge Haven, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Ducks in a Row, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, Imparting Grace, Slices of Life, Cottage Market, Being a Wordsmith, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Cottage Market, Hubbard Home, Modern Monticello, Simply Beautiful, Create with Joy,

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Confidence

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Years ago, I was searching and wondering if I was on the right path.

My kids were very young. I felt worthless, exhausted, and mostly a failure in all aspects of my life.

I went to university to become an English teacher. I sailed through a master’s in education, then got a job teaching high school English. I was able to teach two semesters of college writing as an adjunct and it was a dream that shattered when we had to move out of state. I never returned for that coveted Ph.D.

I left the world of academia to be a stay at home mom, homeschooling my four kids. To many, I was considered a failure.

I grew up in a time that mere mothers were ridiculed (and I think they still are). The Supermom had to do it all – career, marriage, family, extensive social engagements, church, charity.

It’s too much.

It seemed like so many women had it all together, seemed at peace with their place in life, had a successful life doing whatever they were called to do.

I struggle. I feel like I am fighting something or someone all the time.

It took me many years to figure out my priorities as a parent and homeschool mom. I still have moments, days, weeks, seasons of doubt.

When we first began homeschooling, I made so many mistakes. I didn’t know really how to begin. I looked to other homeschool moms who had perhaps been homeschooled themselves or who had older kids and had been homeschooling them for years.

I questioned everything. I questioned my abilities as a mother and teacher. Even though I had gone to college for education and earned an M.Ed., I didn’t feel confident teaching my own kids for a very long time.

Some wives and mothers I knew who did not homeschool felt the need to speak up about how they thought it should be done. And many homeschool parents criticized me for not doing it their way.

I was criticized for answering the phone during the day or running errands with or without kids in tow. I was told to just get a nanny for the babies so I could be social. Or that I should do more for the kids and less for myself, that I was selfish to want any time or self care.

I’ve been criticized for attending church, not attending church, reading the wrong books or watching the wrong media.

Eyebrows raised over what I did and didn’t let my kids do.

So I’ve been told my entire life that I am just wrong. After so long of being told all these things, I started to believe it. And it wore me down and I got depressed and anxious. Then they want to throw pills at me and tell me it’s all my fault anyway, something wrong with my brain chemistry.

I worried about fitting in with the moms who seemed to have it all together. They look like magazine models and their kids seem perfect and their husbands and parents are proud and doting. Theses moms have lots of friends and social engagements, but somehow seem never rushed or stressed. How did they do it? Why did they do it? It was like Stepford and did I really want to be like that?

Would I ever get to that point of confidence?

After a women’s conference years ago, I met up with a group having breakfast at the airport before flights. I asked a very well-known Christian homeschool mom, author, and speaker if we ever get to that point of…

And she cut me off with an emphatic “NO!”

I was shook at her attitude, her rudeness, her anxiety. This lady is supposed to be a mentor to other wives and moms? Her curated perfection on social media, in her speaking engagements, and in her books seem all lies compared to her real self shown to us in that airport.

Almost ten years later, I want to understand where she was coming from, but I’m not even sure what she meant. That we are always a work in progress? But her delivery overshadowed any lesson she was trying to impart.

Some of the most self-conscious, cynical people I’ve met are self-professed Christians.

Forget about your life situation for a while and pay attention to your life. Your life situation exists in time—your life is now.

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Confidence means many things to different people.

To me, confidence means becoming unashamedly more of myself.

I’ve been told that I appear confident. But they mean intimidating.

Why is it that confident women are considered brash, angry, hostile, arrogant, aggressive?

I am quiet. I am not shy. I am introverted. I do not have social anxiety. I think carefully before I speak. I observe.

I have felt a vast shift since I hit my 40s.

I am less concerned about what people think of me – my appearance, my parenting style, my kids’ dyed hair.

This summer, I bought new clothes that I never felt I could wear before: shorts, sleeveless tops. I am not ashamed of my thighs and arms. I spent most of my youth desperate for my body to change and when it never really did get curvy, I was so disappointed. I’ve never had a flat tummy or a big chest and that combo is unfortunate in our society and both women and men humiliated me for not looking like they thought I should. I’ve had so many ask if I’m pregnant because I’m thin all over but with this round soft tummy. I will never look like a magazine model and that’s ok.

I know that I am not stupid. I am not uneducated, but I still have so much to learn and I try to be humble and not insert myself where I am not wanted or needed. I trust my intuition more now. I made lots of mistakes with my kids and I am making amends now. I am ending generational trauma and healing my own self. I love seeing my kids become who they are meant to be – dyed hair, piercings, tattoos, unique clothing, whatever.

I wasn’t allowed to express myself and it’s good to see my kids live free.

I’m remembering who I am, who I was when I was a little girl, before I got stifled, and I feel more safety to express myself now.

I have long straight mousy blonde hair. I even have a few silver streaks. I’m tired of going to salons where they want to make me look like everyone else. I’d rather have dirty tomato-scented fingernails than have a manicure. I have stretch marks, forehead furrows, a vertical line between my brows, and an indention on the left corner of my mouth. I earned these marks. Why would I want to erase them with Botox?

My first three decades or so brought much anxiety with doubting myself and my circumstances with education debt, job security, marriage failures, pregnancy and motherhood.

I’m tired of the comparison trap. I don’t subscribe to shopping emails or newsletters. I loathe the social media ads. I don’t care about the blogger or influencer recommendations as much as I used to. I see the hot trends that everyone “has to have” and I just don’t really need any of it. I am more confident in myself and my style and personal needs. I actually really hate shopping.

When you do not know who you are, you push all enlightenment off into a possible future reward and punishment system, within which hardly anyone wins.

Richard Rohr, Falling Upward

I do long for more than this mediocre suburban life and maybe I will find it someday.

I do get depressed by events happening in the world and by mean people who only care about themselves.

I’ve streamlined and minimized our life. I am prioritizing rest.

We homeschool based on interests and annual rhythms. I refuse to rush or stress over things I can’t control.

I’m excited by what the next few decades may bring.

I don’t have all the answers and I usually don’t even know what the questions are.

And that’s ok.

As we move into the second half of life, however, we are very often at odds with our natural family and the “dominant consciousness” of our cultures.

Richard Rohr, Falling Upward

Resources:

What does confidence mean to you?

Linking up: Pinch of Joy, Eclectic Red Barn, House on Silverado, LouLou Girls, Keeping it Real, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Mostly Blogging, Create with Joy, Pieced Pastimes, Stroll Through Life, OMHG, Jenerally Informed, Shelbee on Edge, InstaEncouragements, Suburbia, Soaring with Him, Ridge Haven, Ducks in a Row, Ginger Snap, Girlish Whims, Anchored Abode, Fluster Buster, Thistle Key Lane, Jeanne Takenaka, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Debbie Kittmerman, Slices of Life, Imparting Grace, Penny’s Passion, Hubbard Home, Modern Monticello, Simply Beautiful, Being a Wordsmith, Simply Sweet Home, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Embracing Unexpected, CWJ, Fiesta Friday, Shabby Art, Cottage Market, Pam’s Party, Grammy’s Grid,

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Mountain Rose Herbs Essential Oils Review

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Our family has been into essential oils for about ten years or so.

We’ve tried many different companies and of course we love some products more than others.

I am a certified aromatherapist from Pacific Institute of Aromatherapy. Many think this is a scam, but I am also educating myself for over a decade from many different resources. I don’t want my family to get hurt or sick from misusing essential oils, herbs, or supplements.

I have long loved Mountain Rose Herbs for…herbs.

And now they offer essential oils too!

Mountain Rose Herbs Essential Oils are some of the best!

I LOVE the packaging. No excess. Recyclable. Yay!

From their site:

Our product packaging is designed to protect the high-quality botanicals inside. We use a variety of materials including glass, plastic, multi-layer bags, recyclable tin, and boxes to keep the botanical goodness inside fresh. In addition, we pride ourselves on making sure we use green materials to package and pad our boxes to ensure your order arrives safe and sound.

Quality

Essential oils are distilled from plant materials – flowers, fruits, leaves, bark, wood, roots. The timing or ripeness of the plant parts is necessary to achieve the best quality of distilled oils.

These essential oils smell fresh and clean to me, with no underlying chemical scents. I am very pleased.

The Eucalyptus globulus is good for respiratory function and as an insect repellent. It is antimicrobial and antiseptic. There are 900 species and subspecies of eucalyptus – with the most common oils using globulus, radiata, or bicostata/blue globulus. Globulus is the most potent. Be cautious using around children and never use around pets, especially cats. I limit diffuser use and heavily dilute for use.

Lavender is the entryway oil. It is generally the safest around kids and pets. I use it liberally, still diluted on our family and cats for many different reasons – cuts and scrapes and respiratory function. It smells great diffused alone or with a blend. It is lovely in personal care products and tea and recipes.

Peppermint is generally safe topically while heavily diluted. I don’t diffuse this since it can be rather irritating to sensitive mucous membranes. I have used a drop of this diluted oil to reduce heat-related illness in hot outdoor summer temperatures and to lessen the sting of sunburn used with diluted lavender. The essential oil is way stronger than fresh or dried leaves but can still be used in recipes and salves if used very cautiously.

Sweet Orange or Citrus sinensis is absolutely delightful and cheerful. My son has always loved the scent of orange. It’s antimicrobial and uplifts our moods. This is just like the sweet oranges we love to eat. The peels are cold-pressed using pressure to release their oil and scent from the rinds. We love to diffuse this in a blend. It’s great in a household cleaner. Dilute well if applying topically since all citrus products can be photosensitive.

Tea tree or melaleuca alternifolia is a type of myrtle and is anti-fungal, antibacterial, antiseptic, and good for respiratory function. Some types of acne react well to diluted application. This oil should never be ingested or used around pets, especially cats. I generally do not diffuse this oil and heavily dilute.

From the website:

We strive to sell organic products whenever possible. If a product is not organic, it is cultivated without chemicals, or wild harvested. Our 10 full-time lab staffers are constantly testing our ingredients to ensure they meet our strict specifications and are free from adulterants and contamination, including pesticides. You may always request a certificate of analysis, organic certificate, and kosher certificate. Please see our certifications page for more details on the additional documents we can provide for you.

The Classic Essential Oil Kit is a great starter kit for new oilers or veteran oilers. These oils are always in our family toolkit. There are several essential oil kits to choose from.

Do you want your very own essential oil kit?

  1. Code: EOKit15 – Visit this exclusive link!
  2. Offer: 15% off all of our essential oil kits. (Excludes any already discounted products or further discounts on wholesale accounts- Valid for online purchases only).
  3. Expiration: May 31, 2021, at 11:59 PM, PST.

At this time, Mountain Rose Herbs is only processing and shipping orders with billing and final destination shipping addresses located in the United States and Canada.

Maybe you’ve seen certain essential oil and natural products for sale on retail sites?

Statement on third-party sales from Mountain Rose Herbs:

In order to guarantee the quality of our products and keep our prices low, we never sell on internet marketplaces such as Amazon, Walmart, or eBay. If you see our products listed on those marketplaces, they are being sold by a third party, and we have no way of guaranteeing their quality. Please note that products bought from third parties must be returned through those channels and are not returnable to us.

Read the story of the company here.

I am very much enjoying the online group Sustainable Living with Mountain Rose Herbs.

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Tired

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My daughters were 7, 2, and newborn.

We had just completed a transcontinental move from Texas to Hawaii.

I was recovering from a Caesarean section.

We had one car.

We moved into our house on base to find out lots of broken and stolen items from the Texas packers.

My husband began his new job.

I was homeschooling my eldest child.

I couldn’t find any friends with whom I felt actually comfortable.

I was so tired ALL.THE.TIME.

Then the pastor’s wife at our new church came to visit me at our home.

I was grateful that it was naptime for my younger girls and I had my eldest read and play quietly in her room.

I had set out fresh baked sugar cookies and lemonade. Because I was raised always to serve food to guests.

After the pastor’s wife shoved our friendly cat off the sofa, shamed me for my daughter not having made the cookies from scratch, she proceeded to tell me that I was doing everything in my life wrong, wrong, wrong.

I’m not sure what I expected her to do or say, but that wasn’t it.

I was so stressed. I was anxious. I was depressed. I was cooped up in a house with three young children all day every day, homeschooling, nursing, making food, doing laundry, cleaning, barely surviving. Still in recovery from major surgery of a C-section, never resting.

Why couldn’t I lost weight and look like I did before the pregnancies?

My house was spotless. Meals were on time. Chores were completed every day. Homeschool checklists were checked.

I ran a tight ship. I was very efficient.

The visit from the pastor’s wife was the equivalent of telling me just to “calm down and smile more.”

The pastor’s wife didn’t even quote any Bible verses at me.

Surely, I was the epitome of the Proverbs 31 woman?

The pastor’s wife’s visit only made me feel worse.

I felt like I was drowning.

I went to a medical doctor for a physical later that month.

He prescribed lots of mineral supplements, light exercise, and a Paleo diet – before that was even a thing.

Within a few weeks, I felt loads better physically.

But I was still exhausted mentally.

The mental load of a mother is tremendous.

Why is it so hard to make sure everyone in a family of six has good shoes that fit? Why must I remind everyone every day to brush their teeth? Why must I keep track of the family calendar? Why must I purchase all the presents for every single holiday? Why must I do all the research for every little thing?

Life was just hard with young children. I felt isolated with so many neighbors putting their kids in school so they could socialize with each other during the days. They made me feel outcast since I was homeschooling and keeping my kids close at home, with me. These moms made me question my values.

I reevaluated what I needed to do and wanted to do.

I had to focus and let some things slide.

Medication for anxiety and depression actually made me feel worse. I don’t allow myself to be a guinea pig and try lots of new meds or dosages. I just stopped the rx meds and managed my lifestyle and made lots of changes.

But even doing all the “right” things – exercise, getting fresh air and sunshine, eating well, meditating, reducing stress…the depression is still there. But if I don’t do those “right” things? The depression rears up like the monster it is.

Parenting with depression is really hard. There are some really bleak days.

But there are lovely days too.

We’ve moved so many times, starting over in new places, all hopeful – to have those hopes dashed for various reasons.

As my four kids are growing up and becoming more independent, many things become easier and other things become more difficult.

We’re now busy with sports and extracurriculars. I’m sad that most of these classes and practices are right in the middle of dinnertime.

I’m disappointed by so many people just assuming we are like average, mainstream white Americans.

We homeschool, but not like that. We don’t go to church, but we are spiritual. We don’t like guns. We are trying to be not consumerist. We are actively anti-racist. We seldom eat fast food – or out at all. I don’t work outside our home.

It’s really hard to fit in with families who all have known each other for generations.

I don’t have any family. And I’ve never had any friends.

While I happen to be alone, I constantly try to teach my kids how to have healthy relationships. I don’t want them to be friendless or awkward or anxious. I want them to recognize dysfunction and abuse. I want them to be open and friendly. I’m learning along with my kids how to have healthy emotions.

I feel dismissed when I meet new people. I say and do all the right things and I am begging to be liked but tryin not to fawn. I see in their eyes that I don’t have anything to offer them and they smile with only their lips and say, “Nice to meet you.” but turn away to talk to their friends.

It’s like high school all over again. They have no need to make room for me. They don’t make room for me.

I am more than a stereotype. And I’m sure many of these parents I see are too…but how would I know?

I’m still tired.

I’m still isolated.

I’m not unhealthy tired, physically.

My heart and soul are tired.

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Linking up: Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, Marilyn’s Treats, April Harris, Little Cottage, Create with Joy, InstaEncouragements, LouLou Girls, Fluster Buster, Gingersnap, Girlish Whims, My Life Abundant, Ridge Haven, Soaring with Him, Suburbia, Anchored Abode, Slices of Life, Imparting Grace, Debbie Kitterman, Crystal Storms, Grammy’s Grid, Katherine’s Corner, Penny’s Passion, Lauren Sparks, OMHG, Grandma’s Ideas, Our Three Peas, Try it Like it, Simply Sweet Home, CWJ, Lyli Dunbar, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Being a Wordsmith, Mostly Blogging

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