Lessons from Quarantine

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

March 22, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 8 Comments

I didn’t even realize my normal introverted stay-at-home-homeschooling lifestyle was called “quarantine” until people started having real meltdowns on social media about being forced to stay home, work from home, not eat out, not socializing with friends at bars, restaurants, parties, etc.

People seem to really not like their kids, cooking at home, staying home, or walking in nature.

For years, everyone has underestimated my desire to stay home. I’m an introvert and I’m tired of apologizing for my simple lifestyle.

Schools are canceled. College classes are canceled. Churches are closed. Restaurants and stores are closed. Sports are canceled. Libraries and other fun places we would occasionally go to are closed. The kids’ gymnastics and ice skating lessons are canceled.

Very little of this really affects me but I’m trying so hard to empathize with people who are upset about it all. I am amazed at how well my kids handle disappointment and I’m sometimes struggling.

While I understand these times are hard for extroverts like my teen daughter, we can adjust and help each other through this.

What can we learn from quarantine?

Let us live in hope of a better day.

Lessons from Quarantine

Love Your Neighbor.

I’m very concerned by people who are living in denial that this virus is dangerous and deadly. I’m concerned about people who are still traveling and vacationing.

I’m worried about the people who can’t get their needs met – the people laid off, unable to work, immunocompromised, starving children, abusive families, those with mental illness.

The economy is surely hurting and will take a while to recover. Perhaps this is the time our leaders can rethink how wealth is distributed and what programs should be in place as societal safety nets.

I love seeing people offering to help others – by picking up groceries or however people need help. All the online threads with GoFundMe and payment apps to help pay bills. As long as it’s not caremongering – posturing and flashy “look at me and all the good I’m doing!” Performance-based-Christianity is a virus itself.

But it’s sad we weren’t more prepared as a nation and world. May we come out on the other side of this with new perspective in how to serve others.

Many church leaders are posting mini services and prayer chains on social media. They offer hope and connection to those who are anxious and scared.

We’re all learning how to love and it’s so, so sad to still see hate, exclusion, blame, and negativity out there.

Boundaries.

While I’m used to being at home with my kids all day, every day…the mental load of realizing that we shouldn’t go out and all our extracurricular courses are cancelled and no one can play or socialize with friends is still very hard.

I’m not really much of a rule maker, but I have to institute some boundaries to make sure we don’t regress into chaos since weekends aren’t anything anymore. I’ve never really stressed about screentime, but I will not have disrespectful attitudes.

My almost twenty year old daughter is struggling with having her freedom sucked away. I do get it. It’s difficult for a fledgling adult to have her wings clipped and it’s not her fault. Her anxiety is running rampant. Her college classes were canceled for the whole semester and everything is online and she doesn’t do well with that education model. She has a part-time job at a local bank and she’s at least able to work a few days a week at their drive-thru (the inside bank is closed) when many cannot work. It hurts me that she would prefer greasy fast food instead of our home cooked meals. I will not have her treating her young siblings like her peers, showing them inappropriate Tik Tok videos, Instagram, or Snapchat, and wanting to watch unsuitable films and shows with them.

There have been lectures, slamming doors, angry texts, and rolling eyes. It’s really hard to be a gentle parent sometimes. I’m not sure what to do or say since it all seems wrong.

My husband works from home most evenings and weekends while still going to work Monday-Friday 7-5. He’s a military medical lab manager and it’s stressful everywhere in the medical communities right now. I’m feeling sometimes like I did when he was deployed. He’s here, but he’s not really here.

Sometimes, I really just want to be alone for an hour – in my home office, on the deck, in the bathroom. In silence.

Simplicity.

I like the simple life.

We cook meals at home. Restaurant closures don’t affect us at all since we rarely dine out or even get takeout or delivery. I’m concerned for food service industry and their jobs and well-being more than my lack of ability to get prepared food.

We’ve been striving to get debt-free for years and we are getting pretty close. Our investments took a hit as I’m sure many others have noticed. We’re not especially worried since we’re in that for the long haul.

I’m not much of a shopper. I mean I order tons of things online for our homeschool and when the kids ask for something (and they rarely ask for anything!). But I really loathe going inside stores. I don’t care about fashion or accessories or jewelry or makeup. I love seeing the beautiful regular people using this time to show us their tutorials online though.

Of course it’s easier not to spend money and pay off debts when there’s nowhere to go and no one to visit. There’s no point in buying anything.

We read Deuteronomy 15 along with history read aloud of the 2008-09 housing crash and that really was interesting in light of current events. Perhaps we really need a Jubilee?

We’ve been cleaning and purging for spring. Making much needed updates and repairs that have been on our list for ages. We just bought our house!

We read lots. That doesn’t change. We’re bingeing dystopian film and books too!

We do lots of creative things like art, crafts, jewelry…

We play Legos, board games, Switch and Wii, iPads…

We evaluate our priorities and lifestyle all the time and continue to simplify.

Going Outside.

I’m seeing so many more people outside – walking, running, skating, biking, with dogs. They mostly keep a good distance and wave or call hello. It’s pleasant and I hope it continues.

The outdoors aren’t closed or canceled except when they’re getting swamped with people not following the distancing rules.

We love nature and the outdoors and we still do our almost daily walks around our pond and hike off in the woods in our backyard. We play in our driveway and yard.

We love seeing the blossoms and buds that are new each day as the seasons change. We watch the birds and squirrels. We await the new babies.

The warmer weather and sunshine are very welcome.

Making Memories.

We’re pretty doing the same things we’ve always done.

Our life is mostly unchanged.

I wonder what memories we will have of this time in the years to come… What will our kids tell their children? What will history say of us?

We baked brownies and breads, learned how to perfect homemade pasta, had more meals with our families, bought bidets during the great tissue shortage, and shared more of our lives online with our neighbors, friends, and family.

Sometimes, we have to go offline and protect our anxious minds. Perhaps we can grow from this time of rest.

Maybe we’re understanding what community means.

We’re learning what love means in a time of crisis.

How are you passing the time?

Linking up: Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, Welcome Heart, Marilyn’s Treats, April Harris, Little Cottage, Mostly Blogging, Kippi at Home, Home Stories, Mary Geisen, Purposeful Faith, Dedicated House, Our Home, LouLou Girls, Suburbia, Our Three Peas, Grandma’s Ideas, Anchored Abode Soaring with Him, Worth Beyond Rubies, Ridge Haven Homestead, Ducks in a Row, My Girlish Whims, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap Crafts, Katherine’s Corner, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, Crystal Storms, CKK, Imparting Grace, Slices of Life, Life Beyond the Kitchen, Being a Wordsmith, Chic on a Shoestring, Answer is Choco, Lyli Dunbar, Fireman’s Wife, Embracing Unexpected, Grace and Love, Simply Sweet Home, CWJ, Create with Joy,

Share3

Pin29

32 Shares

You might also like:

Do Not Fear

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

March 13, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 12 Comments

We live in a fearful time.

Anger is often disguised fear.

People act irrationally when they are fearful.

Sometimes it’s hard.

Fear breeds empty girls – fake girls with no opinions. Girls who smile when they want to scream and laugh when they need to cry. We are not that girl. We are the ones they’ve called witches. The ones who have too much to say and who feel too much. We are the ones with fire in our blood and we are not afraid anymore.
Brooke Hampton

Why do we experience so much fear?

Fear of nature

Many public places have signs warning to stay out of the water, off the grass…look but don’t touch.

I’ve witnessed parents, surely well-meaning, admonish their kids to not get dirty outside, don’t play there, don’t get in that, stay off the grass.

They’re kids.

They’re supposed to get dirty and play in the creek, grass, woods, in trees.

Kids are washable.

Of course, nature can be violent and unpredictable and we should prepare for severe weather conditions.

But usually, there is no bad weather, and we should model for kids that nature is good in all seasons. We should teach and model respect and awe for bugs, animals, plants, trees, waterways, the oceans, the environment.

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.
Margaret Atwood

Fear of others

Americans seem to have always had an us/them mentality.

I’ve seen it in the news and on social media a lot these last few years. Immigration, racism, misogyny, poverty. It’s so sad.

I try to teach my kids that we are one human family.

We are global citizens.

What may not affect me or you personally still may affect someone we know, or someone they know. When did the commandment Love thy neighbor become exclusionary?

I am raising my children to be revolutionaries who are nonviolent and hopefully will help change this world for the better.

I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created.
Romans 8:38-39

Fear of the unknown

It’s normal to feel a little apprehensive in new situations and to worry about the future.

But when worry develops into paralysis or anxiety, it’s not healthy.

It’s easy to tell people to have faith, be calm, trust, and let it go.

It’s hard when we’re in the thick of a crisis or difficult time.

Looking back over hard times, it’s easy to see how I perhaps unnecessarily worried, but at the time it was so hard to be patient and wait for an answer, a healing, better times.

Fear of risk

As parents, we long to protect our kids at all costs.

But it’s healthier for them to understand risk – their own abilities and limits.

While I followed behind my toddlers to catch them if they fell, I soon took a more hands-off approach as they became preschoolers and school age.

Now, they’re all over age 10 and I am in awe of how they fly without my hovering.

Some healthy risk, of course, is fine, but taking it too far isn’t a good idea.

We need to strive to be debt-free and not take too much financial risk. We shouldn’t be daredevils and test fate with our lives. We need balance.

Fear of failure and imposter syndrome seem to be more prevalent these days.

Fear of real connection

I have realized there seems to be a shift in our Western society of lack of connection.

I see it in the rise of addiction.

I see it in the divorce rates.

I see so many broken homes. I see rampant abuse and dysfunctional relationships.

People are quick to live only on the surface, never really getting to know neighbors, coworkers, even their own spouses and children before it might be too late.

I have no friends. People unfriend our family on social media as soon as we are out of sight to our next military base. We are disposable.

They were more important to us than we ever were to them.

I see such lack of support for women – working mothers, stay at home moms. There is a lot of misogyny and childism.

Our society doesn’t respect women, children, disabled, or elderly.

Our society blames people for being poor. or disabled. or different. or Black.

Is is time to worry yet?
Not yet.
It’s not time to worry yet.
Atticus in To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Conquering Fear

Sometimes, it’s almost too easy to give in to panic and herd mentality. We are bombarded with fake news or information with tiny threads of truth and lots of hateful opinion designed to promote division and fear.

Anxiety tricks you out of the “now” as you obsessively replay and regret the past and worry about the future. It tricks you into losing sight of your competence and your capacity for love, creativity, and joy. It tricks you into believing that you are lesser and smaller than you really are. Anxiety interferes with self-regard and self-respect, the foundation on which all else rests.
Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self

Most of us are generally unaffected by the stock market, viruses that come from strange places, innercity turmoil, gas prices, racism, extreme poverty.

Gratitude and privilege will not save us.

Manage expectations, emotions, and reactions. Take it easy. Be proactive and stay flexible.

It’s how we react and what we do during times of emergency that show our true hearts.

From Adam Hamilton in Unafraid:

F: Face your fears.

E: Examine your assumptions in the light of the facts.

A: Attack your anxiety with action.

R: Release your cares to God.

Tip delivery people and wait staff well. Buy gift cards direct from local stores and restaurants to use later.

Wash your hands. Cover your mouth. Take your vitamins. Don’t in fistfights at Kroger over toilet paper.

Realize that others may have different lifestyles and experiences. Single parents struggle with child care. Wage workers can’t pay their bills if they don’t work. Some students are finding themselves homeless without their work-study programs, meal plans, and dorms. Overwhelming debt cripples this country.

Always be kind.

Don’t panic.
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear expects punishment. The person who is afraid has not been made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18

Jesus calls us to rise higher than fear, worry, anxiety, judging, and not loving others in Matthew 7.

Are we generous or not?

You might like my other post about Fear.

What could you do if you weren’t afraid?

We’re all just walking each other home.
Ram Dass

You might also like:

Lessons from Quarantine

Apocalyptic Movies and Books to Binge

Linking up: Random Musings, Welcome Heart, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Marilyn’s Treats, Kippi at Home, Create with Joy, Little Cottage, Our Home, Mostly Blogging, Mary Geisen, InstaEncouragements, Purposeful Faith, Dedicated House, Ducks in a Row, LouLou Girls, Our Three Peas, Suburbia, Grandma’s Ideas, Anchored Abode, Soaring with Him, Worth Beyond Rubies, Ducks in a Row, Whims, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap Crafts, Katherine’s Corner, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, Crystal Storms, CKK, Imparting Grace, Slices of Life, Life Beyond the Kitchen, Chic on Shoestring, Answer is Choco, Simply Sweet Home, Momfessionals, Embracing Unexpected, Lyli Dunbar, Pieced Pastimes, Fireman’s Wife, CWJ, OMHGF, Being a Wordsmith,

Share4

Pin25

29 Shares

You might also like:

Living with Depression

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

March 2, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 13 Comments

Everyone gets the blues sometimes.

If you’re sad and empty, have trouble concentrating, eating, or sleeping for two weeks or more, you could have depression.

Depression is not a one-size-fits-all illness. It comes in many forms, each with slightly different symptoms.

Depression can be treated, usually with medicine, talk therapy, or both.

After years of living with various degrees of depression, trying different meds with horrible side effects, and therapies to little effect, I realize I just have functional depression.

It’s just a persistent melancholy or dysthymia that’s always in the background and I plug on, carry on, but sometimes I experience pits of despair that I struggle to pull out of and life gets really hard.

Depression feels different for everyone.

5 Lies Christians Tell About Mental Illness

God won’t give you more than you can handle.
Just pray and read the Bible more for healing.
Mental illness is a sin, curse, or demon possession.
If you loved Jesus more you would be happier and better.
You can’t be a good Christian if you have a mental illness.

I’m sick and tired of hearing lies like these about mental illness from well-meaning people. You don’t hear things like this about people with physical illness. It’s not just from the proponents of prosperity gospel either. It’s dangerous to tell people that “it’s all in their head.”

We need to do better.

You may not realize some people have depression or other mental illnesses. It’s often not very obvious.

You won’t know I’m not sleeping or oversleeping, binging or abstaining from food, online shopping, gaming, social media…if I’m paranoid afraid that my spouse or kids will leave, get hurt, or die. When I’m overly irritable, people will just assume it’s PMS.

I may seem all smooth and serene, but it’s really that I feel dead inside this week, this month, this season. I’m really good at hiding it behind polite smiles and small talk. Since I am an introvert, you won’t know the difference between my normal and my down days.

Types of Depression

Major Depressive Disorder or Clinical Depression

To make a diagnosis, doctors look for at least five symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and behave, including:

Sadness
Loss of interest in activities
Sleeplessness
Trouble making decisions
Difficulty concentrating
Sleepiness
Suicidal thoughts or actions
Changes in appetite
Feelings of guilt or worthlessness

Persistent Depressive Disorder or Dysthymic Disorder or Dysthymia

If you’ve been feeling down for at least two years, you may have persistent depressive disorder. More women than men seem to have PDD. Kids and teens can have it, too. It makes them more irritable than depressed, and for them to have this diagnosis, their symptoms need to last only a year. I consider this functional depression. Melancholy.

Bipolar Disorder, used to be called Manic Depression

This features emotional high periods called mania and the lows of depression. These swings affect not only how you feel, but your behavior and judgment, too. This can cause problems with work, relationships, and day-to-day life. Suicidal thoughts and behaviors also are common with bipolar disorder.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

The dreary days of winter can be hard for those with seasonal affective disorder (SAD). These symptoms are the same as depression, but generally happen only when there’s less daylight. About 5% of adults in America have SAD. Treatments such as light therapy or medication can ease symptoms and they can also improve on their own when sunnier weather and season arrives.

Adjustment Disorder

Any of life’s unexpected curveballs can bring on extra stress. If it becomes difficult to move forward, you may have an adjustment disorder that can cause depression, anxiety, or both. You may hear this called “situational disorder or symptoms.” The symptoms can start within three months of a stressful event, and they’re usually gone about six months later, but they can last longer, depending on the cause. Usually, talk therapy is the recommended treatment. As a military spouse, I’ve absolutely seen adjustment disorder too often in my family and others.

Psychotic Depression

This is a severe type of depression. Its symptoms include hallucinations and delusions. You may be agitated and be unable to relax. Your ability to think clearly or move normally may slow down dramatically. Psychotic depression usually requires a hospital stay.

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder

Many women get the cramping and moodiness of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). If you have severe PMS that affects your job and relationships, you may have PMDD. Symptoms often start 7 to 10 days before your period and usually go away a few days after the period begins. If you think you have PMDD, see your doctor to help rule out other issues. I was just diagnosed with a uterine fibroid and I now have a Mirena IUD to shrink it.

Treatments can include:

Lifestyle changes, such as diet and exercise
Oral contraceptives or hormone therapy
Antidepressants

Postpartum Depression

Most mothers feel a little blue after their baby’s birth due to changing hormones and other factors. If those feelings become severe, you could have postpartum depression. Symptoms can creep in a few weeks after the baby’s birth or even up to a year later. Mood swings, difficulty bonding with your baby, changes in thoughts and behavior, and fears about your mothering are common. If you think you have more than the baby blues, see your doctor. Our culture is very hard on mothers and offers little support for new moms. I suffered terribly after having each of my four babies with no rest or support system. I had no recovery time. We need to do better.

Atypical Depression

Most forms of depression make you feel sad and empty. But if yours lifts briefly after good news or a positive experience, you may have atypical depression. A doctor can help clarify and distinguish this type. It isn’t rare, but its symptoms are a little different. Other than the temporary mood lift, you may:

Have a bigger appetite
Sleep ten or more hours a day
Be especially sensitive to criticism.
Get a heavy feeling in your arms and legs that is not because you’re tired

Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder

Although most children have temper tantrums, kids with this disorder are usually excessively irritable and have outbursts well beyond what’s expected. The previous diagnosis for some of these kids was pediatric bipolar disorder, but their symptoms do not always fit this description. It’s a good idea to observe your child in different environments and encourage children to take risks within a safety net so they learn appropriate boundaries and challenge their potential. Reach out to teachers and caregivers for assistance. A doctor can help distinguish this disorder from ADHD or other issues. Lifestyle changes may help.

Subsyndromal Depression

Subsyndromal means that you may have some symptoms of a disorder, but not enough for a diagnosis. Subsyndromal depression means you have at least two symptoms, but fewer than the five necessary for your doctor to say you have a major depression disorder.

For you to get a diagnosis of this type of depression, your symptoms must affect your quality of life for at least two weeks. Doctors can help rule out any physical reasons for symptoms that may mimic depressive symptoms. Sometimes, there is a vitamin deficiency or other underlying cause.

Treatment-Resistant Depression

For most people with depression, modern treatments work well to help you get your life back on track. But up to about a third of people with depression disorders need a little more help.

Doctors are looking at why some people respond well to treatment while others don’t. Some people may have success with their treatment for a little while then have it stop working.

Even if your depression is tougher to treat, you should keep seeing your doctor for assistance and solutions. I know it’s hard.

Do you know someone living with depression?

Check on your friends, family members, coworkers…anyone who you come in contact with on a regular basis.

Don’t just make assumptions. Don’t get your feelings hurt if they pull away.

Please don’t just vaguely say, “Let me know if you need anything.”

People with depression and other mental illnesses need a lot of things, but we will almost ask. We don’t think we deserve your attention. We don’t want to be a burden. We have learned that society doesn’t really care or want to help.

Please reach out.

Because I won’t.

You might also like:

What Depression Feels Like

Books about Depression

Linking up: Random Musings, Create with Joy, Anita Ojeda, Home Stories, Confessions, Suburbia, Ducks in a Row, April Harris, Mary Geisen, InstaEncouragements, Marilyn’s Treats, Purposeful Faith, Mostly Blogging, Our Home, LouLou Girls, Worth Beyond Rubies, Soaring with Him, Ginger Snap Crafts, Fluster Buster, My Girlish Whims, Ducks in a Row W, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, Crystal Storms, Slices of Life, Mommynificent, Life Beyond the Kitchen, Chic on a Shoestring, Answer is Choco, Simply Sweet Home, Momfessionals, Grandma’s Ideas, OMHGF, Pieced Pastimes, Fireman’s Wife, CWJ, CKK, Being a Wordsmith, Welcome Heart,

Pin5

5 Shares

You might also like:

Books about Depression

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

February 17, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 11 Comments

People who have never suffered from depression just don’t understand.

Our society overuses the word depressed to mean temporarily sad.

But depression is an ongoing illness.

Depression doesn’t just go away when life quality, finances, relationships, or circumstances improve.

Medications don’t always help. I’ve tried several and I tired of the side effects and being a guinea pig. I don’t like feeling numb or half here.

So many people think they’re really helping when they recommend trite self-help books that just tell the reader to be happier, listen to more Contemporary Christian pop music, read the Bible, and pray more.

A business person makes money off your problems, they are invested in you having a problem. When Rachel Hollis says you have a problem, it’s because she hopes to profit from your problem.
Devi Abraham

I do appreciate the memoirs about people rescuing themselves by running with their dogs or finding something to live for – clinging to hope in a prayer, pet, memory, or child.

It’s just that every person with depression is different, experiences it differently, copes differently.

Here’s what depression feels like to me.

These books show a reality to depression and living and surviving…or not.

Depression isn’t just feeling down or having the blues or feeling out of sorts.

It’s a nagging, staticy feeling at the very base of the brain all the time, often rising to the surface and taking over everything.

I don’t think there are many books that show the harsh reality of depression.

Even having depression, I often look at others and characters in movies and books and wonder why they have it? I find myself believing the lies of “but they have such a nice life with no problems.”

Depression lies.

If I wanted to not be this way, then I wouldn’t be this way.

Books about Depression

Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig

Like nearly one in five people, Matt Haig suffers from depression. Reasons to Stay Alive is Matt’s inspiring account of how, minute by minute and day by day, he overcame the disease with the help of reading, writing, and the love of his parents and his girlfriend (and now-wife), Andrea. And eventually, he learned to appreciate life all the more for it.

Everyone’s lives are touched by mental illness: if we do not suffer from it ourselves, then we have a friend or loved one who does. Matt’s frankness about his experiences is both inspiring to those who feel daunted by depression and illuminating to those who are mystified by it. Above all, his humor and encouragement never let us lose sight of hope. Speaking as his present self to his former self in the depths of depression, Matt is adamant that the oldest cliché is the truest—there is light at the end of the tunnel. He teaches us to celebrate the small joys and moments of peace that life brings, and reminds us that there are always reasons to stay alive.

All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

When Finch and Violet meet on the ledge of the bell tower at school—six stories above the ground— it’s unclear who saves whom. Soon it’s only with Violet that Finch can be himself. And it’s only with Finch that Violet can forget to count away the days and start living them. But as Violet’s world grows, Finch’s begins to shrink…

All the Bright Places is coming to Netflix soon! I’m interested to see what they do with it.

By The Time You Read This, I’ll Be Dead by Julie Anne Peters

After a lifetime of being bullied, Daelyn is broken beyond repair. She has tried to kill herself before, and is determined to get it right this time. Though her parents think they can protect her, she finds a Web site for “completers” that seems made just for her. She blogs on its forums, purging her harrowing history. At her private Catholic school, the only person who interacts with her is a boy named Santana. No matter how poorly she treats him, he just won’t leave her alone. And it’s too late for Daelyn to be letting people into her life . . . isn’t it?

In this harrowing, compelling novel, Julie Anne Peters shines a light on what might make a teenager want to kill herself, as well as how she might start to bring herself back from the edge. A discussion guide and resource list prepared by “bullycide” expert C. J. Bott are included in the back matter.

Suicide Notes by Michael Thomas Ford

Fifteen-year-old Jeff wakes up on New Year’s Day to find himself in the hospital—specifically, in the psychiatric ward. Despite the bandages on his wrists, he’s positive this is all some huge mistake. Jeff is perfectly fine, perfectly normal; not like the other kids in the hospital with him.

But over the course of the next forty-five days, Jeff begins to understand why he ended up here—and realizes he has more in common with the other kids than he thought.

Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen

In 1967, after a session with a psychiatrist she’d never seen before, eighteen-year-old Susanna Kaysen was put in a taxi and sent to McLean Hospital. She spent most of the next two years in the ward for teenage girls in a psychiatric hospital as renowned for its famous clientele—Sylvia Plath, Robert Lowell, James Taylor, and Ray Charles—as for its progressive methods of treating those who could afford its sanctuary.

Kaysen’s memoir encompasses horror and razor-edged perception while providing vivid portraits of her fellow patients and their keepers. It is a brilliant evocation of a “parallel universe” set within the kaleidoscopically shifting landscape of the late sixties. Girl, Interrupted is a clear-sighted, unflinching document that gives lasting and specific dimension to our definitions of sane and insane, mental illness and recovery.

Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America by Elizabeth Wurtzel

Elizabeth Wurtzel writes with her finger on the faint pulse of an overdiagnosed generation whose ruling icons are Kurt Cobain, Xanax, and pierced tongues. Her famous memoir of her bouts with depression and skirmishes with drugs, Prozac Nation is a witty and sharp account of the psychopharmacology of an era

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

The Bell Jar chronicles the crack-up of Esther Greenwood: brilliant, beautiful, enormously talented, and successful, but slowly going under — maybe for the last time. Sylvia Plath masterfully draws the reader into Esther’s breakdown with such intensity that Esther’s insanity becomes completely real and even rational, as probable and accessible an experience as going to the movies. Such deep penetration into the dark and harrowing corners of the psyche is an extraordinary accomplishment

I haven’t read these yet, but they’re on my list:

Project Semicolon: Your Story Isn’t Over by Amy Bleuel

Project Semicolon began in 2013 to spread a message of hope: No one struggling with a mental illness is alone; you, too, can survive and live a life filled with joy and love. In support of the project and its message, thousands of people all over the world have gotten semicolon tattoos and shared photos of them, often alongside stories of hardship, growth, and rebirth.

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person’s Guide to Suicide Prevention by Susan Rose Blauner

An international epidemic, suicide has touched the lives of nearly half of all Americans, yet is rarely talked about openly. In this timely and important book, Susan Blauner breaks the silence to offer guidance and hope for those contemplating ending their lives — and for their loved ones.

A survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Blauner eloquently describes the feelings and fantasies surrounding suicide. In a direct, nonjudgmental, and loving voice, she offers affirmations and suggestions for those experiencing life-ending thoughts, and for their friends and family. Here is an essential resource destined to be the classic guide on the subject.

The Long Night: Readings and Stories to Help You through Depression by Jessica Kantrowitz

You’ve done what you can: you’ve seen your doctor, made an appointment with a therapist, picked up the prescription for the antidepressant and swallowed that first strange pill. But it can take four to eight weeks for the meds to start to work, and it might take two or more tries before you and your doctor find the ones that work best for you. When you’re in the midst of terrible depression, those weeks can feel like an eternity. You just want to feel better now. This book is for those who are in the long night of waiting. It does not promise healing or deliverance; it is not a guide to praying away the depression. It is simply an attempt to sit next to you in the dark while you wait for the light to emerge.

What are your most helpful coping tools for depression?

You might also like:

Linking up: Anything Goes, Create with Joy, Anita Ojeda, Kippi at Home, Mostly Blogging, Home Stories, Confessions, April Harris, Welcome Heart, Mary Geisen, LouLou Girls, InstaEncouragements, Purposeful Faith, MaryAndering Creatively,Our Home, Suburbia, Grandma’s Ideas, Soaring with Him, Ducks in a Row, Girlish Whims, Fluster Buster, Gingersnap Crafts, Katherine’s Corner, Penny’s Passion, Anchored Abode, Debbie Kitterman, Crystal Storms, Slices of Life, Mommynificent, CKK, Imparting Grace, Marilyn’s Treats, Life Beyond the Kitchen, Chic on a Shoestring, Answer is Choco, Simply Sweet Home, Della Devoted, Momfessionals, Lyli Dunbar, Fireman’s Wife, Create with Joy, Being a Wordsmith, OMHGF, Little Cottage,

Share2

Pin8

10 Shares

You might also like:

Boost Winter Immunity

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

January 12, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

Stressful holiday schedules and expectations can wear us down.

How can we recover quickly and boost our immune system?

5 proven ways for added protection from illness:

Create a happy gut.

Your gastrointestinal (GI) tract makes up a large part of your immune system – up to 70 percent! The holidays often tempt us to overindulge in high-sugar or processed food and alcohol, which force our gut to work harder and reduce our natural immune abilities. While these yummy treats are fine in moderation, try eating more balanced meals and snacks as much as possible to give your gut a fighting chance against germs. Probiotics supplements are helpful. Make sure you get plenty of fiber. Stay hydrated!

Practice good hygiene.

Your first line of defense is to keep the germs away with good personal cleansing habits. Wash hands frequently with natural soap and water. Cover your mouth and nose with a tissue or inner elbow when you sneeze or cough. Thoroughly clean and cover open cuts. These simple actions alone can help power away germs before they ever get a chance to reach your system. Clean tech devices regularly with disinfectant.

Get a good night’s sleep.

Studies show that not getting enough sleep greatly affects how well your immunity cells function. While you sleep, your body is able to rest and recharge itself. So, make a sleep routine and stick to it. Be sure to turn off all electronics at least one hour before bed to help you fall asleep faster and sleep more soundly. Exercising outdoors for at least thirty minutes helps set our body clocks.

Take your vitamins.

Making sure your body gets all the nutrients it needs to function properly is essential to smooth immune function. Some of these we can consume by eating lots of leafy greens, fruits, and other whole foods. Supplementing with natural products helps us get everything we need to fight wintertime germs. For example, Vitamin D can help lower your risk of chronic infections, while Vitamin C is linked to better immunity. Elderberry is also a fantastic natural supplement, proven to help boost immunity as part of a healthy diet. I like diffusing essential oils too.

Watch your stress levels.

The bottom line: stress hurts our immune system. The holidays are a challenging and busy time, so making sure to keep stress levels low can help maintain your good health. If you start to feel overwhelmed with holiday pressures, schedule time for yourself, try deep breathing exercises, or practice yoga and meditation. Studies also show that supportive relationships and healthy social interactions can help to lower stress. Pets help lower stress. Slow down and rest when needed.

The winter season brings with it increased challenges to our immune system. Things like cold weather, holiday stress, and temptations to overindulge on sugary treats can all affect our body’s ability to fight off germs. Take protective action with these 5 tips to help boost your natural immunity and enjoy a happy and healthy holiday season!

0 Shares

You might also like:

Intermittent Fasting

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

December 26, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

Diet trends come and go. You can’t miss them on the front pages of grocery store magazines and Google. You may have seen the story of a Massachusetts doctor that shed an impressive 125 pounds over the course of 18 months. Dr. Kevin Gendreau had life-changing results and attributes his success to the 16:8 intermittent fasting diet.

The 16:8 diet is a time-restricted fast that requires participants to fast for 16 hours a day, but then feed on whole foods the remainder of the time. It is always important to consult a doctor before starting any intermittent fasting regime. It is especially true for individuals with diabetes and is ill-advised for expecting mothers or women that are planning on getting pregnant. Keep in mind that there are other intermittent fasting plans that don’t limit you as much as the 16:8, and may be easier on your body type and fitness level.

Another success story was the case of beauty influencer Janelle Wright, who lost an awe-inspiring 65 pounds in 6 months. These success stories are growing in numbers, which has other hopefuls adopting intermittent fasting as the holy grail of diets.

Americans are obsessed with diet and exercise crazes. And why wouldn’t they be? Many of us are at least “overfat,” and there is nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel better or have a flatter tummy or firmer biceps. Only trouble is, the vast majority of people refuse to grasp the reality that these trends may not be good for their health.

Not all diets or exercise routines are created equal. There is no magic pill or ten-minute workout that will transform you overnight. A healthy and balanced physique takes time and an acute understanding of what your individual body needs. Your body and biology is entirely unique. While a plant-based diet or circuit training may work wonderfully for the person on the treadmill next to you, it doesn’t mean that it is what’s best for your genetic makeup or build.

Personal biology aside, women and men should have slightly different diets and fitness routines. It goes without saying that men are hormonally different from women, and are genetically keyed to respond differently to certain exercises and nutritional plans.

Fasting – A Tale as Old as Time

Different ritualistic styles of fasting have been practiced for millennia. Both Gautama Buddha, Pythagoras and Confucius were hip to fasting. It is rarely known that they were all contemporaries, and it is even rumored that Pythagoras traveled a great distance to meet with Buddha. Imagine that swapping of wisdoms.

They all lived long lives, with Buddha passing at around 80 years of age. That is quite the feat of longevity considering life expectancy in 400 B.C. was 35. So what did these wise men understand about fasting that made them embrace it as a discipline?

Fasting was mostly a spiritual pursuit that was said to cleanse the body and clear the mind and spirit. It was only until the 14th century that fasting took on a more medicinal purpose. Renaissance doctor Paracelsus coined fasting as the “physician within.”

Whether you subscribe to fasting for the sake of weight loss, religious or meditative purposes, fasting is a practice that has merit. But how beneficial is this new-age spin on fasting for our long-term health?

The Long and Short of IF

Let’s begin with the more promising and less confusing benefits of intermittent fasting (IF). Studies are rolling out new findings on intermittent fasting daily because of its popularity. The great news is, most of it is positive.

Basically, the act of fasting temporarily rewires your body to pull energy from stored fat supplies, rather than what is readily available in your stomach or gut. Hibernation could be considered an act of fasting, but in this instance the participant is active and awake. Hibernating mammals survive almost entirely on stored fat supplies while they hunker down for long periods of time.

Several things take place when you fast. Intermittent fasting modifies the function of cells, genes and hormones. Your body, being the cleverly crafted enigma that it is, signals for a cellular repair response and begins changing hormone levels to make stored fat more accessible. That is another reason why women should be cautious of intermittent fasting. Hormone levels change dramatically during fasting. This may not be ideal for some female candidates, depending on age and overall fitness level.

Certainly not recommended for expecting moms.

You can count on a few things happening when you are intermittently fasting.

Insulin levels significantly drop. Which triggers the fat burning phase of fasting.
When intermittently fasting, the human growth hormone kicks into overdrive and skyrockets to as much as 5 times its normal presence. This hormone promotes muscle gain as well as fat burning.

Cellular repair might be one of the most astonishing occurrences to happen during intermittent fasting. Your body induces the cellular repair process and begins to actually remove waste material from cells.
If cellular detoxification didn’t dazzle you, fasting also changes genes and molecules that are responsible for longevity and your body’s ability to fight off disease.

Understanding & Establishing Healthy Eating Habits

Nowadays it seems that most foods are designed to work against us, even if we have the best intentions. Fast foods, processed ‘diet’ foods and sugary juice cleanses are all conspiring to confuse us and derail our minds from understanding what a healthy diet looks like. Simply put, we all should be eating more vegetables, fruits and nuts.

Whole foods are at the very center of a balanced diet. Just because you’ve decided to pick up intermittent fasting as a way to drop extra weight, doesn’t mean that you should continue to eat high carbohydrate meals or overdo it on the refined grains when you are eating. Always steer clear of processed sugar like energy drinks and sodas. Swap them all out with water. Water is your friend.

Fasting does sound rather extreme if you’ve never tried it before, but there could be an easier approach.

How do you get the benefits of intermittent fasting without the strict regimented guidelines?

Well to start, don’t eat late into the night. This is an avoidable bad habit.

Fasting doesn’t have to be a labor intensive drag. It really boils down to using your better judgement and applying a little discipline to your routine. Consider the times of the day you are most active and eat within that time frame.

Eat whole fruits, vegetables and grains during the times you are not fasting. Drink plenty of water, and you may even want to take short walks after meals. Set a time to stop eating in the early evening and stick to it! If you are most active between the hours of 7AM-5PM, whittle out a block of time before 5PM to get all your nutrients in and adhere to that timeline. It is best to space your meals out and not have your full calorie allowance in one sitting.

All signs mostly point to intermittent fasting being a productive way to rewire the body to burn fat in a different way. Find a version of fasting that works for you, your body and schedule. There is no point in starting a fasting routine if you are unable to practically accomplish it.

Proceed with Cautious Optimism

Many of us are searching Google for information on intermittent fasting for the sake of weight loss. But it is extremely important to be acutely aware of your body, your goals and how the strain of fasting will impact your overall health. With all of these astonishing biological occurrences flitting about, it is easy to get overly sold on the idea of intermittent fasting to drop some winter weight.

It is important to reiterate one glaring truth. Intermittent fasting isn’t a foolproof science. It affects everyone differently, and the long term research hasn’t yet surfaced to concretely say that fasting is beneficial or detrimental to the modern human body. Some medical professionals warn against the strain fasting has on the heart and other organs. While there have been studies, we are still existing in that gray area.

One of the pitfalls that most people tend to overlook when beginning intermittent fasting is overeating during the feeding cycle. This varies for everyone though. Just because you fasted earlier, doesn’t mean you go heavy on the sauce, so to speak. The purpose of intermittent fasting is to trigger biological shifts in the body and to burn fat reserves. By over consuming during times when you aren’t fasting, you are putting added strain on your system and defeating the purpose of fasting in the first place.

Women should be especially cautious when engaging in intermittent fasting. Because of the significant fluctuations in hormone levels, some women have complained of missed periods, moodiness and even early onset menopause. Hormones that are regulating important functions like ovulation are hypersensitive to energy intake. To be on the safe side, contact a qualified healthcare professional before moving forward with any drastic weight loss regime.

For the time being it looks as if intermittent fasting is here to stay. And it does work wonderfully in the short-term for many people. Just remember to be aware of any negative shifts in mood, sleep patterns, fatigue and don’t overeat during times when you aren’t fasting. If you stay vigilant and follow a well-balanced diet when you do eat, you should be well on your way to enjoying some mental clarity while also cleansing your body of unneeded fat.

To avoid nutrient deficiencies, remember to eat a plentiful variety of nutrient rich foods and don’t load up on carbs. If you are unsure of what types of nutrients you need more of and which ones you should limit, you can easily take a nutrient test to better understand the wants and needs of your body.

0 Shares

You might also like:

A Decade Later

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

November 25, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert 21 Comments

So much has happened in ten years.

We lived in Hawaii. We explored Oahu, Maui, and The Big Island.

My husband adopted my daughter.

I was pregnant with my son.

We were and still are shifting to gentler, more respectful parenting, constantly reevaluating methods and learning.

I’ve homeschooled our four kids for over fifteen years now. I’ve come full circle in my educational and religious beliefs after exploring so many options, many of which were very harmful to me and my family.

We’re a military family. We moved from Hawaii to Utah to Germany to Ohio.

Looking back over the last decade, I realize there are few photos of me since I’m usually the one behind the camera.

I rarely take selfies. We rarely get family photos. My kids don’t have a record of me in pictures.

This picture was taken in fall 2016.

Here’s a photo of me in the same outfit in May 2019.

It’s a bit of a glow up. I feel more confident and healthy.

It’s been an adventure for sure.

I’m trying to do better to ask my family to snap photos of me, preferably when I don’t have my mouth full.

I’ve changed quite a bit in the last decade, especially the last couple years. I think I’ve improved. I’m never content with a status quo. I’m constantly growing.

If we are not regularly deeply embarrassed by who we are, the journey to self-knowledge hasn’t begun.
Alain de Botton

Self Improvement

Health

I lost 20+ pounds the last couple years.

I’m not concerned with weight as a number. I’m not concerned with aging gracefully. I just want to be healthy.

The first picture is the heaviest I ever was, not pregnant. I weighed in at about 175. I didn’t feel good. My knees hurt. I felt tired all the time. I was too sedentary. I didn’t eat well. I didn’t exercise enough or correctly. I was depressed.

I have no medical complications or issues. Thank God.

I take supplements that work for me. Glutathione and progesterone before bed. B vitamins and evening primrose in the mornings. I add collagen and flax to my smoothies.

I massage castor oil into my hands, scalp, and thighs probably weekly.

I drink lots of water. I only have 2-3 cups of caffeine each day.

I pray and meditate every day.

I try to go outside every day.

I don’t have social media on my smartphone or iPad.

I will say that I seldom have joint pain now and I feel happier and more energetic.

Food

I try to eat real foods.

I happen to really like almost all foods. I have no allergies or sensitivities.

Food has no morality.

Fiber is really important. I add chia and flax to my smoothies.

I splurge and sometimes get takeout from Raising Cane’s. I actually seldom eat out. I drink a beer or glass of wine with dinners on weekends.

I don’t like this idea of “cheat days” or “being good” by eating more veggies or the idea that veganism will save the world.

I know sugar isn’t good for me and causes health problems, so I do try to limit my refined sugar intake.

I really like bread.

I eat mostly what I want, what I like, when I’m hungry. Sometimes, that means coffee at brunchtime and a sensible dinner. I suppose it’s intermittent fasting, but I just eat when I want to, not when society tells me to.

I teach my kids that balance and moderation is key.

Exercise

I do HIIT workouts about three times a week.

I had physical therapy for my knee last year and I continue to practice what I learned with my exercise ball, balance trainer, kettle weight, and hip band.

Here’s how I maintain my healthy weight. It’s not all about exercise and eating!

Everyone is different. I’m not competing with anyone but myself.

I try to walk outside 1-3 miles every evening after dinner. If I don’t get my walk in, I don’t feel well and I don’t sleep well. This is my down time to destress and listen to the birds and wind. It calms me. I get to think and work through problems or issues or conversations.

Rest

Rest is so, so, so important.

I try to not be too busy. I like being peaceful and not rushed.

Life happens.

Even good stress can affect us physically and mentally.

When I’m stressed, I get bloated. I don’t sleep well. I feel anxious. It’s a vicious cycle.

Moving every 3 or so years is stressful. Cats get sick. Finances get wonky. Car accidents or repairs that can’t be avoided. I take extra care during stressful life events.

I try not to overschedule the kids so we don’t have to hurry and we can almost always have dinner together.

We have leisurely mornings over breakfast. We do reading. I do work while they complete their lessons. We watch shows or run errands. Evenings are for sports, dinner, walking, more reading, prayers.

Learning

I am constantly reading. I love to read books about parenting, education, religion, psychology, politics, history, historical and speculative fiction.

I have stacks of books on my shelves and tables and oodles of Kindle editions. I get books from the library if I can.

I like to read articles about my many topics of interest. These often lead to more books from their bibliography and source notes and quotations.

Learning is very important to me. I want to keep up with everything. I want to fill in the gaps in my lackluster Georgia public school education.

My aunt and several elderly female cousins had Alzheimer’s and I worry about my parents and my husband and myself.

I’m constantly reevaluating my priorities as my family and I grow and change.

What are your priorities?

Linking up: Anita Ojeda, Modest Mom, Mostly Blogging, Little Cottage, MaryAndering Creatively, Create with Joy, Kippi at Home, Anchored Abode, Our Home, Ginger Snap Crafts, Lou Lou Girls, April Harris, OMHGW, Our Three Peas, Confessions of a New Mummy, Sarah Frazer, Soaring with Him, Anchored Abode, Worth Beyond Rubies, InstaEncouragements, Ducks in a Row, Girlish Whims, Fluster Buster, Penny’s Passion, Apron Strings, Over the Moon,Mommynificent, Debbie Kitterman, Crystal Storms, Life Beyond the Kitchen, Answer is Choco, Simply Sweet Home, Grandma’s Ideas, Momfessional, OMHGF, Fireman’s Wife, CWJ, Being a Wordsmith, Life with Lorelai, TFT, Flour Me with Love,

Share2

Pin56

58 Shares

You might also like:

Introvert Holiday Survival Guide

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

November 25, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert 11 Comments

The decorations are for sale in stores before Halloween and Christmas music blasts everywhere on or even before November 1.

Christmas in America is all about commercialism. It’s about rushing, doing, more. I kinda hate it.

As an introvert, I really do dread the holidays. They wear me out. I try to be bright and cheery for my kids, but I really would love to hibernate from Halloween until about Mid-March. I often wake up early or go to bed late just to get some alone time.

As a military family, we’ve seldom been near family to visit over the holidays. While in a way, this relieves me of the potential stress, it also makes me feel very, very guilty.

We visited my husband’s mom at Christmas the year after we married. I was worried about her since it was her first holiday alone since his dad had passed in April. Then she passed the following April, so I’m so glad we went.

I invited my parents to visit the kids and me last Christmas while my husband was deployed. They’re getting older and I worry how many more opportunities we will have. It was actually mostly pleasant.

What’s an introvert to do with all the expectations that come with the holidays?

Priority

Everyone has her favorite and least favorite aspects of holidays. What’s yours?

Discover your priority for the season.

Be mindful of what you’re doing, giving, having during the holidays.

Give to charity or volunteer. Try new recipes. Travel. Offer experiences instead of presents. Join a cookie or ornament swap.

Save money, time, and effort by forgoing card sending. It’s also more ethical and less wasteful. Send texts or social media greetings, or individual emails and online cards.

Take time to get outside in nature to unwind and think. There’s no bad weather, only bad clothing choices!

Make time for selfcare. I take a very hot Epsom salt bath almost every evening with chamomile or lavender tea. It really makes a difference.

The Thanksgiving holiday is rather a disappointment for me. We used to travel over the long weekend. We went to Prague and Porto and Venice.

We’ve traveled to Chicago and Maui and Rome over Christmas.

We’ve lived in so many different places as a military family that travel was a priority until the kids asked to stay home with a Christmas tree and home-cooked dinner.

Focus

Each year, I focus on something different.

We’ve traveled over holidays. That really eased up a lot of stress for me.

Some years, I really get into the Advent readings with my family.

Other years, I decorate all out. My front yard was a zoo last year with light up animals.

We often go to a local drive-through Christmas park to look at the decorations.

We went to see The Nutcracker ballet a couple years ago.

We try new recipes during the holidays, but not on the actual day in case of disappointment for tradition.

Tradition

I realize that I’m making memories for my kids.

What are your favorite memories of the holidays? Do that for yourself and your family.

It’s all about the food for us.

While I don’t make a lot of sweets, we really do love the fancy dinners.

I roast a turkey breast for Thanksgiving. I make the most wonderful herb sausage cornbread dressing. Two of my kids don’t like turkey so much. What is up with that?!

The kids get Advent calendars. Everyone gets chocolate. My son and husband share the Star Wars Lego. This year, the kids asked for Yu-Gi-Oh! My teen gets a bath bomb or makeup one.

We celebrate Saint Nicholas. We do stockings for St. Nick with chocolate orange candies and small gifts. This has relieved a lot of pressure for Christmas Eve and Day.

We celebrate Hanukkah with roast beef. When Hanukkah falls mid-December instead of during Christmas week, it’s extra special because it’s like we celebrate more and longer. I seldom can do eight nights of presents, but I try to make it special with a nice family gift.

We have prime rib and Irish ham for Christmas. My youngest daughter really loves the slow roasted ham.

With twice baked potatoes. They’re a favorite!

We also look forward to ham au gratin potatoes as leftovers!

I try to purchase my children an ornament each year so they will have a starter box of their very own Christmas when they grow up.

We almost always get new winter pajamas. And lots of books.

We read lots of holidays books and watch fun holiday movies every year.

We have a simple celebration for New Year’s.

Our holiday season ends with Epiphany.

Delegate

Trusting my kids is a huge part of sanity over the holidays.

While my husband has a panic attack when they carry his grandmother’s china dishes and my crystal butter dish to and from the dining table, I know they can handle it. They take great care with these items. And they’re just things. Someday, it will all be theirs.

My kids always wanted to help put up our artificial Christmas tree when they were very little. I think they considered it a fun puzzle with the colored branch tips.

Nowadays, I bring the big duct-taped box out of the cellar and let them have at it. They’re plenty old enough and do a great job putting it up and pulling it down to store away for another year. My husband and I usually string the lights. We all help sort and hang the ornaments.

The kids completely decorated the front of the house during deployment. It looked like a holiday zoo! I hardly had to help at all. They were amazing.

My middle daughter is quickly becoming self-proficient in the kitchen. She’s in charge of any potato dish. She also sets the table just lovely. I never have to check the placement of a fork or wine glass with her!

My husband is in charge of the prime rib. My son loves cooking meats – frying, grilling, all of it. He loves thermometers! He wants to work in a butcher shop when he’s older.

Let it go

I don’t go to holiday parties.

Most of my husband’s work obligations don’t include me anyway. Our street has an adults-only progressive dinner, but I’d rather spend time with my family than drunk overgrown frat boys. For unavoidable events where it’s important to make an appearance, know when and how to leave as early as possible without seeming rude.

We don’t go to church anymore. I kinda miss the advent readings and candle lighting and midnight singing. Years ago, the church we attended did a fun ladies ornament exchange. But I don’t miss the stress and drama at all.

I really hate shopping, even throughout the year. It’s not hard for me to say no to shopping in November and December. I shop online all year round. I save money with cash back apps. Giving experiences is better as my kids get older.

Declutter before the presents arrive so it’s less stress. One in, one out is our flexible rule. We don’t give lots, but try to limit presents to about four with this little poem.

We do a few gifts within our immediate family. No gifts for extended family. I don’t send cards. I absolutely don’t send braggy annual newsletters, not even on social media. This is all for my sanity and for ethical reasons.

What do you want your family to remember about the holidays?

You might also like:

Linking up: Welcome Heart, Modest Mom, Anita Ojeda, Little Cottage, Mostly Blogging, Flour Me with Love, Kippi at Home, Uncommon Suburbia, April Harris, LouLou Girls, Home Stories, Confessions, Mary Geisen, MaryAndering Creatively, Our Home, Our Three Peas, Grandmas Ideas, Sarah Frazer, OMHGW, Worth Beyond Rubies, Soaring with Him, Wise Woman, Purposeful Faith, Anchored Abode, Grace for a Gypsy, InstaEncouragements, Ducks in a Row, Girlish Whims, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap Crafts, Penny’s Passion, Marilyn’s Treats, Try it Like it, Apron Strings, Create with Joy,

Share2

Pin39

41 Shares

You might also like:

Holiday Blues

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

November 18, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

With the holidays upon us it’s easy for us to get caught up in the rush of it all. While we may be cooking, shopping, and enjoying holiday events, there are others, many of whom are in our very own circles, having a tougher time.

Most holiday stress and anxiety come from:

Gifts
Expectations
Overwhelm

We can reduce our gift-giving and offer experiences or fewer things.

We can simplify our expectations and stop comparing and refuse to look at Pinterest.

We can say no to situations or things that are not priority.

5 Kinds of People Most Likely to Get the Holiday Blues and How to Help:

1. Divorced or widowed

Loss is a sad, life-changing event at any time of the year.

However, it tends to be harder when everyone around you is joyful celebrating the holidays and you feel it’s an effort to get out of bed.

If someone in your circles is going through a major loss and life transition, be supportive and understanding.

They are grieving and mourning and are especially sensitive around the holidays. It’s important that they feel included but don’t be offended if they choose to opt out of certain events.

Checking in and offering them the option to participate in whatever they want, when they want is a great way to help. Love them through it.

2. Entrepreneurs

The holidays could be stressful for small business owners because so much rides on the end of year.

They may be fretting over their profits (or lack thereof), the goals they didn’t reach, and the many things still to do.

They feel overwhelmed and when they are expected to shop, entertain and be present for their families, they may be short tempered and anxious.

The best way to help the busy entrepreneur is to make their life easier in any way possible. If they can’t make it to a family dinner, tell them your door is open for dessert. Oftentimes they feel guilty and obligated which only adds to their frustration.

Also consider that these worker-bees are conflicted. When they are working, they miss their families and when they are with family, they are thinking of work.

3. Caretakers

Adults who are caretakers to their chronically ill children, relatives, or elderly parents are incredibly overwhelmed and often overlooked.

As a caretaker, they always have to consider the well-being of their patient. They can’t just get up and go.

Caretakers may feel resentful, isolated and stuck during the holidays which leads to conflicted feelings of resentment and guilt. They also believe they have to be hands on managing everything.

It’s important to lighten the caretakers load by offering support even if it means asking them how they are doing.

Be patient and ask the caretaker what they need. It could be something as simple as having food delivered to their home to free up time for other tasks.

4. Recovering addicts

Recovering from addiction is hard. Period.

But it’s harder when holiday festivities are filled with friends and family drinking everything from spiked eggnog to champagne.

Understand that those in recovery from substance abuse are hyper-sensitive about being judged. They feel as if all eyes are on them and that pressure may trigger the desire to use drugs or alcohol to soothe their anxiety. When they aren’t fully recovered, they may anticipate possible “landmines” and avoid them. They may choose to stay to themselves and observe more and participate less. They might opt out of larger family gatherings that are too overwhelming.

Offer an open invitation and remind them they are welcome whenever they are ready.

Offer a safe celebration inclusive of all – with no temptation for alcohol, drugs, or gambling.

A balance of love, support, and acceptance is what they are in most need of.

5. Children of divorce

Divorce means two separate holidays at two different places and kids often feel overwhelmed having to double up.

It’s incredibly important for parents to agree civilly on where the kids are going during the holidays and all the logistical details.

Kids want to feel safe and secure. They don’t want to feel as if they are the expected to be rushed here and there because their parents chose to divorce.

It could be unsettling to younger kids and teens may isolate and rebel against any family events as they are sorting out their own emotions as they get used to a new normal.

Don’t burden kids with guilt trips or overdo it with presents to make up for the stress. Just be honest and supportive and loving.

You really want to establish a game plan for the holidays and if possible, stick to it every year.

The holidays can be a stressful time of year for many of us. It’s a time when we must be aware and extra kind to those on the fringes.

You might also like:

Quotes from Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a NYC based licensed clinical psychologist, teaching faculty member at the prestigious Columbia University Teachers College and the founder and Clinical Director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services.

Pin15

15 Shares

You might also like:

Emotional Health

This post may contain affiliate links. See disclosure. Check out my suggested resources.

September 30, 2019 By Jennifer Lambert 9 Comments

I didn’t grow up with healthy emotions as a kid, and now as an adult, I’m having to relearn how to be healthy even if I’m not happy.

I grew up being told to smile and be pleasant all the time. There was no room, no patience for “negative emotions.”

There’s a big difference between accepting disappointment, anger, sorrow and having the freedom to express those feelings and lashing out in socially inappropriate ways.

Children need to feel safe with parents to express their entire spectrum of emotions.

The problem is that we as well-meaning parents and caregivers often attempt to intercept children on their journey through an emotional tunnel.

Emotions are just communication.

Tears are proof that emotions can be physical. Imagine what stuck emotions can do to your body when they have spent years without being released.

As parents, if we don’t have our emotions under control, how can we coach our kids to express themselves in healthy ways?

I’m convinced that when we help our children find healthy ways of dealing with their feelings-ways that don’t hurt them or anyone else-we’re helping to make our world a safer, better place.
Mr. Rogers

The emotionally intelligent person knows that love is a skill, not a feeling, and will require trust, vulnerability, generosity, humor, sexual understanding, and selective resignation. The emotionally intelligent person awards themselves the time to determine what gives their working life meaning and has the confidence and tenacity to try to find an accommodation between their inner priorities and the demands of the world. The emotionally intelligent person knows how to hope and be grateful, while remaining steadfast before the essentially tragic structure of existence. The emotionally intelligent person knows that they will only ever be mentally healthy in a few areas and at certain moments, but is committed to fathoming their inadequacies and warning others of them in good time, with apology and charm… There are few catastrophes, in our own lives or in those of nations, that do not ultimately have their origins in emotional ignorance.
Alain de Botton

5 Steps to Emotion Coaching

Be aware of your child’s emotions.
Recognize and use emotional moments as opportunities to connect and teach.
Help your child identify and verbally name emotions.
Respect your child’s feelings by taking time to listen carefully. Communicate empathy and understanding.
Explore solutions to problems together. Set reasonable limits.

Emotions can be inconvenient. It’s super important that we don’t project onto our kids that they are inconvenient. We need to take the time to work through the tough times. This is especially hard when we’re working through it ourselves.

What to say when we have big feelings:

It’s ok to let it out.
I’m here. I’m listening. I’m not leaving.
You can feel this, but you can’t act out this way.
Feelings don’t last forever. Sometimes, it feels like it!
Let’s take a breather.
You are good and kind. Everyone makes mistakes.
I’ll be right here waiting when you need me.
Let’s try that again.
What did we learn?
We can do better next time.

Obviously, we don’t use all these phrases every time. Use discretion and learn along with your child. We often work through frustrations and anger with our kids in these ways. We want to heal relationships. Reconciliation is the goal. Sometimes, there are no easy answers. Being human is complicated.

Holding space while allowing your child to release their emotions might sound like:
– I get it, it’s ok, let it out
– Yes I know, it’s so hard, show me how hard it is
– It looks like letting the tears flow while staying connected and present
– It looks like holding off on the breathing for a little bit and waiting before you come in with any calming techniques

Stress and anxiety determine resilience and vulnerability.

All of us deal with stress daily, but how we react is important.

We have used art, music, exercise, meditation, book and movie discussions, and Angry Birds printables to help us learn about and navigate difficult feelings.

For behavior, we need not worry that we condone or accept certain acts. We need to realize that we can accept and support emotions. Behaviors are often communication that we need to address.

I don’t have to like an emotion to allow it. I need to work through my triggers and discomforts to support my child.

It’s really a lot to be living and homeschooling every day in a house we share with 6 individuals.

We can all heal together.

Your true self is underneath all the emotions you don’t want to feel.

It’s important we learn how and teach our kids how to properly apologize.

I am breaking the cycle of silence and stifling emotions. Sometimes, it’s messy and really hard. Feelings sometimes suck. It’s important that my kids feel they’re safe to express the entire spectrum of emotions at home, around me, around each other.

Let feelings be.

I have to deal with my own issues in order to coach them well on theirs. I often fail, but I admit it and make amends. I start over, and over, and over.

We’re all learning how to be people.

My husband and I like this emotional needs questionnaire and discussed the relevant parts with our children so we can all better love and respect each other.

When the world feels like an emotional roller coaster, steady yourself with simple rituals. Do the dishes. Fold the laundry. Water the plants. Simplicity attracts wisdom.

Children need to feel free to express and trust their emotions and how to honor the emotional responses of others. These skills build a foundation for consent.

I think this series of books is excellent to help kids identify and deal with hard emotions:

We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.
Brené Brown

How introverts deal with stress and anxiety is different than how extroverts handle emotions. Often, it gets lost in translation.

Highly sensitive individuals are affected by their own and others’ emotions differently than many people.

Listen To Your Emotions…

Bitterness shows you where you need to heal, where you’re still holding judgments on others and yourself.

Resentment shows you where you’re living in the past and not allowing the present to be as it is.

Discomfort shows you that you need to pay attention right now to what is happening because you’re being given the opportunity to change, to do something different than you typically do it.

Anger shows you what you’re passionate about, where your boundaries are, and what you believe needs to change about the world.

Disappointment shows you that you tried for something, that you did not give in to apathy, that you still care.

Guilt shows you that you’re still living life in other people’s expectations of what you should do.

Shame shows you that you’re internalizing other people’s beliefs about who you should be (or who you are) and that you need to reconnect with yourself.

Anxiety shows you that you need to wake up, right now, and that you need to be present, that you’re stuck in the past and living in fear of the future.

Sadness shows you the depth of your feeling, the depth of your care for others and this world.

My goal:

“Are you happy?” “In all honesty? No. But I am curious – I am curious in my sadness, and I am curious in my joy. I am everseeking, everfeeling. I am in awe of the beautiful moments life gives us, and I am in awe of the difficult ones. I am transfixed by grief, by growth. It is all so stunning, so rich, and I will never convince myself that I cannot be somber, cannot be hurt, cannot be overjoyed. I want to feel it all – I don’t want to cover it up or numb it. So no, I am not happy. I am open, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
― Bianca Sparacino, Seeds Planted in Concrete

For grief, trauma, and other really strong negative emotions…

The only way out is through.

We have to embrace it all for true healing.

Of course, neurotypical children should be actively working on healthy emotions with their trusted and attached caregivers. For mental health issues, learning disabilities, autism and more, it’s much more complicated.