Maybe We’re Not Lost

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November 25, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 3 Comments

I think many of us have felt lost this year.

So many changes thrust upon us and we are not in control.

Plans canceled.

An entire year that feels missing.

Many of us stay home from school and work and most other activities. I realize for many this has been a very difficult transition.

We’ve isolated ourselves and quarantine inside our houses with our family bubble.

We also realized that many people are not capable of caring for others or following science and health safety guidelines.

I really just don’t have a lot of sympathy for people crying they can’t go to Target without a mask or needing to eat dinner out in a restaurant.

We’ve lived through many crises this year – a pandemic, forest fires, political upheaval, natural disasters.

What will we do next year? Do we really want to “go back to normal” when normal wasn’t really working?

What if we’re not lost?

What if we’re right where we ought to be?

What if we’re…found?

While our homeschooling lifestyle hasn’t much changed with the quarantine, we do miss the freedom of extracurricular activities.

(For people confused about what freedom, liberty, rights, and privilege mean – I spell it out in my Independence Day Unit.)

We narrowed our focus even more.

Perhaps we would have missed opportunities for blessings if we were distracted by other things.

We explore our backyard nature – the woods and nearby pond. We hike when it was safe at local parks.

We bought a house. We probably would have even under other circumstances. We cleaned our new house top to bottom, inside and out. We certainly had time. We did some repairs and updates. We organized and purged clothes, books, toys and more. We donated items when thrift shops reopened. We’re streamlining our possessions to what is best needed and used well and beautiful.

We’re certainly on screens a lot – social media, Netflix, games, etc. But the kids decide to play board and card games or D&D or draw or paint or bake cakes or skate quite often. They have natural cycles and their own needs and desires and balance their time pretty well. They have no schedules.

We’re continuing our regular studies, relaxed and unhurried. We read lots of books and research our interests.

I had surgery – laparoscopic myomectomy. I’ve working hard on myself – healing and growing.

My eldest daughter decided not to return to college this year. Online school was difficult for her last semester and she didn’t feel she could continue for this whole year. She wanted to explore other options. She is focusing on her mental health.

Then she decided to move out the first week in November. At first I was heartbroken and hurt. I felt betrayed. Why would she do this when she has freedom and security and no worries? At least it’s not with a toxic, abusive boyfriend. Then after two weeks, she was laid off from her new job. She went on numerous interviews and has a few offers.

Parenting young adults is hard but I’m learning.

What blessings will these sudden changes bring?

So, even though we’re existing in a liminal space, an in-between, unknown realm of possibilities…we are learning to recognize what is important right now.

Maybe we can use this time for rediscovery. We can reconnect.

We could examine ourselves and our values. What do we want our future to be? What do we want our society and our country and government to look like? What will we tell our children and grandchildren about this year and how we changed for the better?

It sometimes feels that we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. There are moments and days of darkness when we’re sad and angry and just feel hopeless. I know I’m tired.

These are the times when we shed a few needed tears, hug our families close, snuggle our pets, water our houseplants, make a warm cuppa, look out the window, and dream of a better tomorrow.

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Linking up: Suburbia, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, Marilyn’s Treats, April Harris, Little Cottage, Mostly Blogging, Create with Joy,

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My Laparoscopic Myomectomy

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October 26, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 9 Comments

My cycle was regular and asymptomatic since I was 13.

But the last three years, I got tired of suffering each month with extremely heavy periods. I even landed in the ER a couple months ago.

Ultrasound and MRI showed two fibroids, probably in my uterus for a decade or longer.

Who knows, really? Since the only time doctors took scans were to view pregnancies.

What are fibroids?

Uterine fibroids are noncancerous growths of the uterus that often appear during childbearing years. Intramural fibroids grow within the muscular uterine wall. Submucosal fibroids bulge into the uterine cavity. Subserosal fibroids project to the outside of the uterus.

Estrogen and progesterone, two hormones that stimulate development of the uterine lining during each menstrual cycle in preparation for pregnancy, appear to promote the growth of fibroids. Fibroids contain more estrogen and progesterone receptors than normal uterine muscle cells do. Fibroids tend to shrink after menopause due to a decrease in hormone production.

After removal, they can grow back. I have years before menopause, so I worry.

Symptoms of Fibroids:

Heavy menstrual bleeding
Menstrual periods lasting more than a week
Pelvic pressure or pain
Frequent urination
Difficulty emptying the bladder
Constipation
Backache or leg pains

I had all those symptoms for a really long time.

My belly is still big even though my youngest child is now 10. The few times I asked doctors about my bladder issues and tummy flab, I was dismissed.

I feel really let down by the medical community. No one really knows why women get fibroids. No one really know hows to stop them or treat them. Women’s health doesn’t seem a priority.

A female NP prescribed Mirena IUD to see if that would help my symptoms, just a bandaid.

I agreed to try it to reduce my estrogen and see if it would shrink the fibroids or reduce my period bleeding.

It didn’t help at all.

I weighed all my options. I didn’t want anything removed that didn’t have to be. Many doctors only do hysterectomies because that’s easier for them and a permanent solution to many gynecological problems.

I chose to remove my uterine fibroids with Robot Assisted Laparoscopic Myomectomy.

Thankfully, Wright Patterson Air Force Base hospital has a doctor on staff highly trained. She has been wonderful and I was able to get the surgery scheduled, even during the pandemic.

Before Surgery

I wanted to be as healthy and strong as I could be so I would have the quickest and easiest recovery.

I’ve been exercising and eating well for months, but I really ramped it up this last month and lost a few more pounds and got very toned. Still can’t lose this C-section pouch, but maybe with the fibroids removed, it will help.

No fish oil or flaxseed or anything that could thin the blood for two weeks prior to surgery. I had never heard this before. No vitamins or supplements for 72 hours prior to surgery to ensure no interactions with anesthesia or drugs.

I ate very light the few days leading up to surgery. No alcohol. Less caffeine.

I stocked the fridge, freezer, and pantry with quick and easy healthy foods for the kids and my husband to make. I planned dinners based on worst case scenario since I really didn’t know how I would feel the first week. I made them promise to make and eat vegetables.

Day of Surgery: Thursday

Nothing to eat after midnight. Just like a Mogwai.

I did not opt to sip water or Gatorade up to two hours before surgery. I hydrated well the last few days. I have a history of vomiting during my four childbirths, so I was very nervous about that. I’ve never had general anesthesia before so I was worried what my reaction might be.

I wore comfy loose clothes so I wouldn’t have to worry about anything tight across my belly.

I showed up at 0545 and got prepped for my 0700 surgery.

I got changed in to a surgical gown and got an IV.

I had already signed all my consent and risk forms. A nurse verified everything and asked some questions. It was quick and easy since I have no prior conditions and I take no prescription medications. I’m pretty healthy and boring.

Pre-surgery meds for pain, muscles, nerves, and an anti-nausea were in pill form. I got an anti-nausea patch behind my left ear that works for three days. I got anti-anxiety meds and saline through my IV. I got compression boots to relieve swelling and that was a great relief to me since I usually swell up very badly with IV fluids. I was told I would probably receive a block injection in my abdominal muscles before surgery to help alleviate pain.

The techs, nurses, and anesthesiologists were all so very comforting.

Last thing I remember was viewing the OR and it seemed like a whole crowd of people in there and my doctor asking if I liked her music as two nurses held and rubbed my hands.

My husband said he got an update that they had begun and another update when I was going to the first recovery.

I woke up rather suddenly and it didn’t seem to take long for me to get released home.

I was wrapped with a thick elastic velcro belly band and that thing was sure a life saver.

I was sent home with ibuprofen, Tylenol, and tiny Oxycontin. Also Colace for a stool softener.

I had a larger incision in my navel and two small ones on either side. There were gauze and Tegaderm over the incisions. There were steri-strips over the stitches. The stitches dissolve. Granulation tissue appears as the tissue comes together and heals. It can be red and puckery or white.

The two fibroids were 75.4 grams, 10.0 x 8.5 x 1.5 cm.

I wasn’t under too many restrictions. No heavy lifting. No driving until off pain meds. It was a long weekend, so I had plenty of help with my kids and husband home. I didn’t drive for over a week.

After Surgery

First Evening

I was very woozy and dizzy and not at all hungry the whole first evening.

I had to force myself to sip water, Gatorade, and apple juice until I felt I could eat a little. I was pretty queasy.

My belly was very sore and swollen. I had a huge bruise under my belly button. A heating pad helped so much.

I had pretty horrible gas pains all evening Thursday and all day Friday. The Colace helped and I took that for a few days.

My throat and diaphragm were terribly sore from the breathing tube for a couple days. Ricola herbal drops helped.

Day 1: Friday

I slept in my recliner in the living room for the first two nights, Thursday and Friday.

I was able to eat more normally by Friday afternoon and I felt my appetite return. Still, I ate light, less than I really wanted. I was still pretty woozy.

I walked to the end of my street and back.

The doctor called to check on me and told me I could remove the bandages and shower.

My husband grilled some honey lime chicken breasts and I ate ok.

Day 2: Saturday

I was able to shower. My kids told me I smelled like hospital so I guess that was their way of telling me I should bathe.

It took a long time to get over the dizziness. I had no energy or stamina for a week. It takes about that long for all the meds to wear off.

Saturday was a painful day. I started getting nerve pain in my incisions and cramps inside worse than any menstrual cramps I’ve ever had. My pelvis felt sore and heavy.

I was able to sleep in my bed.

We had our usual pizza night but I could only eat about a third my usual portion.

Day 3: Sunday

I took off the belly band because I didn’t think my belly was getting enough air to heal well. My belly button was too moist and the steri-strips fell off.

I walked one lap around our neighborhood pond.

My husband grilled a tritip steak and I was able to eat that ok.

Day 4: Monday

I felt pretty good and proud I didn’t need the support of the belly band anymore. My muscles weren’t as sore.

I did my regular walk around our neighborhood pond: 3 laps.

My husband made cashew chicken for dinner and I ate that ok.

Day 5: Tuesday

Rough day. I was so sleepy and woozy all day long and just longed to go back to bed. I was sore and crampy.

I craved salt so my husband made homemade potato chips with kielbasa for dinner.

Day 6: Wednesday

I felt better with more energy. I sat outside in the sunshine and sunned my belly to heal.

I was able to eat a little beef stew for dinner.

Day 7: Thursday

My two smaller holes are almost completely healed and barely visible. I was worried my navel incision was getting infected. I had diarrhea all morning and a slight fever. General malaise.

I made delicious spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.

Day 8: Friday

Still had diarrhea this morning and slight fever. Worried about infection. Got more steri-strips for my belly button incision which was not healing as well as I had hoped. Doctor said it is not infection, but it is angry.

Still have bruising on my pelvis and where the IV was in my hand.

Pizza night again! I made a white chicken pizza.

Day 9: Saturday

Rainy all day. I didn’t do much today. Resting is good.

My husband made homemade Philly cheesesteaks and fries for dinner.

Day 10: Sunday

Rainy all day. I was quite lazy. Resting is good.

My husband grilled an eye of round roast for dinner. I roasted a sheet of veggies.

Day 11: Monday

Didn’t sleep well.

Follow-up Appointment with my surgeon. My belly button wasn’t as healed as she liked. She told me to use bacterial ointment on the wound and cortisone for my rashes.

This was the first time I drove since the surgery.

Still feeling bruised and wearing jeans was probably not the best choice. The button was irritating.

My dishwasher died and I’m in mourning.

I made chili and tacos for dinner.

Day 12: Tuesday

Didn’t sleep well.

My kids had a dentist appointment and after waiting on that two hour ordeal, I was pretty tired the rest of the day.

We bought a new dishwasher and will get it installed in a week. I’m still in mourning.

My husband grilled salmon and chicken. I made couscous, sauteed spinach, and salad.

Day 13: Wednesday

I weighted 139 when I woke up!

Didn’t sleep well. Woke up with a bad headache.

I was tired all day.

My belly button is still bright pink and puckery.

I put my belly band back on for my walk around the pond and the rest of the afternoon for extra support.

I made borscht and goulash for dinner in the slow cookers.

Day 14: Thursday

It’s the two-week mark!

I feel strong. Sneezing and coughing doesn’t hurt.

My digestion is still off a little.

My bladder doesn’t feel as inflamed as it did before the surgery. I don’t feel the same urgency or spasms.

My belly button is almost completely healed. The scars are barely noticeable. My hand still feels bruised from the IV!

We cleared out the fridge of leftovers for dinner this night.

What’s Next?

I’m making changes to my lifestyle to insure healing and hopefully these fibroids won’t grow back.

I don’t smoke. I’m cutting way back on my alcohol intake. My D levels are good. I walk almost 2-3 miles every day. I’m not overweight and I’m almost back to what I weighed 15 years ago, but stronger and more toned. My blood pressure is great.

I’m increasing my fiber intake. Potassium-rich foods, full fat dairy like cheese and yogurt, and green tea are in my daily diet.

I’m avoiding sugar and soy. I just learned to avoid flax since it’s an estrogen-increasing food.

I read the Mediterranean Diet is best for overall health, but especially for women’s hormonal issues.

I already love the foods I ate in Italy and Greece and I’m incorporating more recipes into my daily repertoire. I’m learning about other cuisines from the Mediterranean region, which varies greatly. So thankful my family is willing to experiment and try new flavors and textures.

I go back for my last follow-up appointment with my doctor in early November.

Hopefully after my follow-up appointment, I will be cleared to begin exercising regularly again. I may look into abdominal massage if I still can’t lose this tummy after resuming my workouts.

Linking up: Random Musings, April Harris, Marilyn’s Treats, Create with Joy, Anita Ojeda, Kippi at Home, Little Cottage, Surburbia, Purposeful Faith, LouLou Girls, Our Three Peas, Anchored Abode, InstEncouragements, Soaring with Him, Welcome Heart, Ginger Snap Crafts, Fluster Buster, Girlish Whims, Ducks in a Row, Grandma’s Ideas, Katherine’s Corner, CKK, Imparting Grace, Slices of Life, Life Beyond the Kitchen, OMHG, Debbie Kitterman, Penny’s Passion, Answer is Choco, Chic Shoestring, Momfessionals, Simply Sweet Home, Pieced Pastimes, Everyday Farmhouse, Fireman’s Wife, CWJ, Being a Wordsmith, Mostly Blogging,

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How Aging Changes the Body

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July 31, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

Aging is a natural process that develops at different rates, depending on both what internal and external factors are present. Internal factors are genetic processes that occur over time. Hormone production decreases and free radicals accumulate as people age. External factors, such as cigarette smoking and physical stress, are based on lifestyle choices. Older people are susceptible to both types of stressors that can cause memory problems and imbalance in mood.

The Cardiovascular System

Managing stress reduces the chance of hypertension and heart attack. Older people should eat a healthy diet of vegetables and fruits and refrain from smoking, which will constrict circulation and increase heart rate and blood pressure. Getting good sleep slows aging, since the heart and blood vessels are given enough time to rest and recover from full activity. Regular physical exercise is one of the best ways to promote heart health.

The Neurological System

Learning about new things and communicating with others are things people should do everyday. A family or friend could play a game with an older family member where they could make crucial decisions to determine their victory. A personal caregiver from adult home care Massachusetts could encourage an introverted older client to be more proactive in their community. Taking up hobbies like gardening or reading a fictional novel also help combat brain disease that could impair an aging person’s sense of belonging in their relationships.

The Skeletal System

The bones will shrink and lose density with age. Likewise, the muscles that work with bone lose their strength and flexibility. Osteoporosis increases the risk of fracture, making the spinal or pelvic bone more likely to break. To slow natural skeletal aging, people should take huge amounts of Vitamin D, found in tuna, eggs and salmon. They may consult with a physician to get sufficient amounts of calcium by taking supplements to add onto their diet rich in dairy products.

The Reproductive System

Sexual desires typically decrease as people age. As people age, they should discuss concerns they have about stamina and desire with their partner. As an example, older men may have more difficulty keeping an erection. Sexual activity decreases in women after menopause. Sex may become uncomfortable or outright painful for people who are aging. Getting regular exercise promotes hormone production and improves mood and sociability.

Aging changes the body in such a away slows people and make daily living more difficult. Furthermore, aging can reduce the body’s immune response to diseases that undermine the cardiovascular, neurological, skeletal and reproductive systems.

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Take Care of Your Kids and Yourself This School Year

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July 21, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 4 Comments

We all know that this is no ordinary school year. Now, more than ever, mental health and wellness need to take the forefront of our attention. Everyone from kids to college students to parents and teachers could use some inspiration and encouragement.

Flip through pages on how to keep your head up, stay true to yourself, and appreciate your weird side. Learn the history of inspiring women and Black Americans to motivate you this upcoming school year. Encourage kids to laugh, build their confidence, and learn important skills in coping with anxiety, showing empathy, and more!

For Teachers and Parents:

Parenting the New Teen in The Age of Anxiety: Raising Happy, Healthy Humans Ages 8 to 24 by Dr. John Duffy

Kids are growing up with nearly unlimited access to social media and the world wide web. Starting as early as eight years old, children are exposed to information, thought, and emotion that they are developmentally unprepared to process. Because of the exposure they face, kids are emotionally overwhelmed at a young age, and they are often continuing to search for a sense of self well into their twenties. Dr. John Duffy’s parenting book is a new and necessary guide that addresses this hidden phenomenon of the changing teenage brain. Dr. Duffy, a nationally recognized expert in parenting for nearly twenty-five years, seeks to be a guide for parents raising children who are growing up quickly and, as a result, dealing with unresolved adolescent issues that can lead to anxiety and depression. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

How to Survive Change . . . You Didn’t Ask For: Bounce Back, Find Calm in Chaos, and Reinvent Yourself by M.J. Ryan

These are challenging times. Chances are, at this moment, you’re confronting some change you never asked for—perhaps a life crisis, like a loss of a job or the failure of a dream. Maybe you have to learn to work in new ways or find a new place to live. Bestselling author, thought leader, and change expert M.J. Ryan is here to help. Within the pages of How to Survive Change…You Didn’t Ask For, you’ll find the support and practices you need to adapt successfully and ride the wave of this change, whatever it may be. In this book, the New York Times bestselling author of Attitudes of Gratitude provides strategies to retrain your brain and optimize your response to life change, step-by-step. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

The Gift of Crisis: How I Used Meditation to Go From Financial Failure to a Life of Purpose by Bridgitte Jackson Buckley

During the 2008 Recession, Bridgitte Jackson Buckley was one of the millions affected by job loss and foreclosure. In The Gift of Crisis, Bridgitte shows you how to explore crisis as a tool for courageous change, regaining your self-esteem with self-love and self-compassion. It was through experiences of prolonged financial crisis that Bridgitte realized she subconsciously co-created experiences that felt so bad that the only place she could go was within―exactly where she needed to go. In The Gift of Crisis, you will discover how helpful going within and retaking control can be for you, too. For those who are sincerely interested in spiritual growth, yet find it difficult to make “mental room” to dedicate to such growth due to personal distractions, this inspirational book will demonstrate the practical manner in which meditation and prayer can assist during any type of crisis as a means of reaching for a calmer, clearer, more courageous and purposeful life. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

This Is Not the Life I Ordered: 60 Ways to Keep Your Head Above Water When Life Keeps Dragging You Down by Deborah Collins Stephens, Michealene Cristini Risley, Jan Yanehiro, and Jackie Speier

Overcome adversity, embrace change, and discover your power―together. With this book, you can learn how to turn any unfortunate event into a joy-filled opportunity. In addition to stories and advice, This Is Not the Life I Ordered will teach you how to put together your own gathering of kitchen-table friends. At the end of each section, you will find tools that you can work with as a group to help each other grow, learn, and thrive. Part autobiography, part self-help book, and all useful and actionable content, the authors and friends pulled from their experiences supporting one another to help you do the same. If you are struggling with work, family, love, or just life in general, This Is Not the Life I Ordered is for you. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

The Sudden Loss Survival Guide: Seven Essential Practices for Healing Grief by Chelsea Hanson

When a loved one passes unexpectedly, the person left behind can lose their bearings. After the sudden loss of her mother, Chelsea Hanson, a nationally-recognized grief educator and founder of With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes, didn’t know where to turn for help, what to do next, or how to put the pieces of her life back together. Hanson’s The Sudden Loss Survival Guide gathers everything that she learned during her own recovery process and provides an indispensable road map to aid those who’ve experienced a life-changing loss. Through the application of simple, proactive practices, The Sudden Loss Survival Guide will empower you to overcome the darkness and anxiety of grief with heart-lifting prompts and action steps that guide you towards re-engaging in life and discovering deeper meaning. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

Positive Thoughts for Troubling Times: A Renew-Your-Spirit Guide by Allen Klein

Rarely before in history has the United States―and the world at large―been so divided. With each new Tweet, falsehood, or upsetting news headline, the things we once took for granted and believed in have become upended and, in the process, have crushed our spirit. The inspired ideas and power thoughts in Positive Thoughts for Troubling Times will provide you with hope, a renewed spirit, and a new perspective for viewing our worrisome times. Author Allen Klein, the world’s only Jollytologist, knows how the right thought at the right time can change your day for the better. In this incredible book, he offers a lifetime of positive change. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

Little Indulgences: More Than 400 Ways to Be Good to Yourself by Cynthia MacGregor

In Little Indulgences, Cynthia MacGregor has gathered a bouquet of ways to treat yourself every day. Included in this arrangement are “Instant Indulgences,” indulgences that can be done in less than five minutes; “All-Day Indulgences;” and “Rewards Over Time.” Some are simple, free, and spontaneous. Others include decadent suggestions for spoiling yourself rotten. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

Everyday Energy Boosters: 365 Tips and Tricks to Help You Feel Like a Million Bucks by Sondra Kornblatt, Susannah Seton

Need an energy boost to get through that long afternoon meeting? Put down that cup of caffeine and pick up Everyday Energy Boosters with 365 quick and easy tips to feel more energized all day every day! Bestselling health writers Sondra Kornblatt and Susannah Seton offer energy-boosting tips that can be used anytime or anywhere: Deep breathing techniques, how to track your natural energy cycles, tips for getting more sleep, and more. This daily guide helps readers boost their energy and create a calmer, more positive, and energized life. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

For Teens:

Be True to Yourself: A Daily Guide for Teenage Girls By Amanda Ford

In this book of short daily meditations and essays, Amanda Ford, a young adult herself, offers stories, information, and advice on all the important issues facing young women today: boys, dating, drinking, self-respect, self-love, fights with friends, dealing with parents, and more. When Amanda Ford emerged from her tumultuous teenage years, she saw the need for a guide to help girls learn to listen to their inner voices and think for themselves. Your daughter, granddaughter, niece, or young friend will learn to listen to her heart with this coming-of-age guide. Girls will find comfort, encouragement, and insight in these pages, along with suggestions for articulating and confiding their feelings, fears, and frustrations. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

Badass Black Girl: Questions, Quotes, and Affirmations for Teens By M.J. Fievre

MJ Fievre tackles topics such as family and friends, school and careers, body image, and stereotypes in this journal designed for teenage girls. By reflecting on these topics, readers confront the issues that can hold them back from living their lives. Finding the courage to live as you are is not easy, so here’s a journal designed to help readers nurture their creativity, self-motivation, and positive self-awareness. This journal celebrates girl power and honors the strength and spirit of Black girls. This journal provides words of encouragement that seek not just to inspire, but to ignite discussion and debate about the world. Girls, especially, are growing up in a world that tries to tell them how to look and act. MJ Fievre encourages readers to fight the flow and determine for themselves who they want to be. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

The Book of Awesome Women Writers: Medieval Mystics, Pioneering Poets, Fierce Feminists and First Ladies of Literature by Becca Anderson

From the first recorded writer to current bestsellers, Becca Anderson, author of The Book of Awesome Women and Badass Affirmations, takes us through time and highlights women who have left their mark on the literary world. This expansive compilation of women writers is a chance to delve deeper into the lives and works of renowned authors and learn about some lesser-known greats, as well. Some of the many women writers you will love learning about include Maya Angelou, Jane Austen, Judy Blume, Rachel Carson, Nadine Gordimer, Margaret Mead, Joyce Carol Oates, and many, many more. With the help of writers, editors, librarians, booksellers, and more, Anderson has crafted a must-read book for women everywhere. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

The Book of Awesome Black Americans: Scientific Pioneers, Trailblazing Entrepreneurs, Barrier-Breaking Activists and Afro-Futurists by Monique Jones

We are familiar with a handful of African Americans who are mentioned in American history books, but there are also countless others who do not get recognized in mainstream media. The achievements of the Black Americans included in this book range from athletic to artistic, literary to scientific. Their biographies vary greatly, but each one contributes to the course of Black history and its influence on the greater world. Their stories encourage readers, especially teenage boys and girls, to find their own path to change. Monique L. Jones’s The Book of Awesome Black Americans is more than a Black history book. It’s a celebration of Black people. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

The Book of Awesome Women by Becca Anderson

Women hold up half the sky and, most days, do even more of the heavy lifting including childbearing and child-rearing. All after a long day at the office. Women have always been strong, true heroes ─ sheroes, oftentimes unacknowledged. As we shake off the last traces of a major patriarchal hangover, women are coming into their own. From the foremothers who blazed trails and broke barriers, to today’s women warriors from sports, science, cyberspace, city hall, the lecture hall, and the silver screen, The Book of Awesome Women paints 200 portraits of powerful and inspiring role models for women and girls poised to become super women of the future. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

Victory For the Vote: The Fight for Women’s Suffrage and the Century That Followed by Doris Weatherford

In her book Victory for the Vote, Women’s history expert Doris Weatherford offers an engaging and detailed narrative history of women’s seven-decade fight for the vote—and the continuing current-day struggle for human rights and equality. Victory for the Vote puts the fight for suffrage into a contemporary context, discussing key challenges and issues for women in the decades that followed 1920, such as reproductive rights, the Equal Rights Amendment, and political power. It will also help readers to take pride in the struggles and accomplishments of strong women, celebrate feminism, and recognize the challenges that still remain on the road to human rights for all. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

The College Bound Organizer: The Ultimate Guide to Successful College Applications by Anna Costaras and Gail Liss

The College Bound Organizer is your step-by-step comprehensive guide to organize every step of the college application process from college search through college admission. The College Bound Organizer helps students understand what admission officers are looking for in an applicant, build a personal profile, plan an individualized testing schedule, and research colleges to identify a balanced list of schools. After preparing for their application, students learn how to secure letters of recommendation, develop the college application essay, prevent common mistakes students make on their applications, apply for financial aid and scholarships, and ace interviews. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

For Kids:

Squeaky Clean Super Funny Jokes for Kidz by Craig Yoe

Squeaky Clean Super Funny Jokes for Kidz is from Craig Yoe, the former Creative Director, Vice President, and General Manager of Jim Henson’s Muppets─and former Creative Director at Nickelodeon and Disney. Craig, a retired pastor, believes that there is nothing better in life than making kids laugh and feel happy. He has been collecting jokes for years, and now he is releasing his hand-picked jokes for kids in the “Squeaky Clean” series. It’s packed with wholesome, edifying, LOL funny jokes to encourage reading and entertain children for hours. No boogers, ghosts, witches, scary monsters, insults, or put-downs─all giggle-filled good clean fun for young and old alike. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

Dino Dana: Dino Field Guide by J.J. Johnson, Colleen Russo Johnson, and Christin Simms

Did you know that the brachiosaurus was the tallest dinosaur that we know of today? That the kosmoceratops had fifteen horns and hooks on its head? That the spinosaurus is the only known dinosaur to spend most of its time swimming? Discover this and much more in Dino Dana: Dino Field Guide. Fans of the Amazon Prime TV show Dino Dana will be so excited to have a Dino Field Guide of their own, put together by the incredible show’s creator and executive producer, J. J. Johnson. Full of colorful illustrations and fascinating science facts, this dinosaur book is sure to amaze any young dino enthusiast. This book for children is perfect for any kid who likes history and science. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

She’s Building a Robot by Mick Liubinskas

AZ is a young girl who finds herself in a robot building competition. Can she use girl power to overcome crashes, explosions, and hackers to beat school bully and three-time champ? In this funny, action-packed story about STEM for kids, the talented AZ fights gender stereotypes and learns tough lessons on leadership. With the help of her quirky friends, Li and 10, the team builds a feisty robot named Ada. Together, they work hard, solve puzzles, grow in confidence, and learn the importance of friendship and collaboration. Written to raise awareness about the challenges faced by women in science and engineering, She’s Building a Robot celebrates voices from diverse socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds. More importantly, it gives girls in science the opportunity to relate to strong, brave, smart characters. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

I Do Not Like Living with Brothers: The Ups and Downs of Growing Up with Siblings by Daniel Baxter

Learn about the importance of family with I Do Not Like Living With Brothers, aimed to teach young siblings to see the value and goodness in each other. Exploring the family dynamic of a sister living with two brothers, in this children’s book, our young narrator discovers that while her brothers are dirty, smelly, and sometimes selfish, they are also kind, funny, and helpful. Author and father Daniel Baxter, cohost of the popular YouTube channel How It Should Have Ended, shows kids that perhaps living with your siblings is not all bad. With creative examples and fun illustrations, it will teach young girls and boys how to be more generous, why we should appreciate the people we live with, and that even though living with siblings can be hard work, it’s worth it! View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

Chicken Little, Come Out! The Sky is Not Falling!: Helping Children Express and Cope with Their Anxiety by Michele Winchester Vega D.S.W. LCSW-R, Sharen Casazza M.D., Katie Helpley LMRT RPT, and Corrine Varnavides LCSW SBL-SDL

There’s a barn full of Chicken Little characters, but they don’t want to come out. It’s scary out there and they fear that the sky is falling! However, with a lot of teamwork and a little help from Chicken Little, together they can calm their fears and phobias. Using beautifully illustrated, relatable farm animals from the classic Chicken Little story, Psychiatric Social Worker Dr. Winchester-Vega offers ways to manage and normalize children’s mental health and foster conversation and understanding. Children will learn how to identify and normalize their worries, fears, and anxieties while increasing their mental health awareness and learning new strategies for improved coping. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

Kids’ Random Acts of Kindness by The Editors of the Conari Press

When the adult version of Random Acts of Kindness was first published, hundreds of teachers across the country gave assignments to their students to write about unsolicited acts that they had experienced or initiated. Teachers sent the results to Conari Press which then put out a call for similar stories in a teacher’s magazine. Stories poured in and the result was Kid’s Random Acts of Kindness. Whimsical and funny to moving and thoughtful, this book helps restore your belief in the potential for goodness in man. In Kid’s Random Acts of Kindness, you will see how children are the truest examples of open-hearted giving. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

For College Students:

Love The Sh*t Out Of Yourself by Zoey Arielle Poulsen

Wise words and positive affirmations have the power to touch our hearts, make us laugh, alleviate our stress–while realizing the vast potential life has to offer. Grouped together, these quips, quotes, and “power thoughts” can help you deal with everything life throws at you. Build your self-esteem with daily affirmations, and you can rule the world. Like a muscle, the more you do it, the stronger your confidence and sense of self will be. More importantly, you can live a life filled with love, joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction thanks to your own positive self-regard. Simply put, you’ll be too blessed to be stressed! Love the Sh*t Out of Yourself is the ultimate motivating, encouraging, and uplifting book to enjoy and share. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

You Can Do All Things: Drawings, Affirmations and Mindfulness to Help With Anxiety and Depression by Kate Allan

When you have anxiety or depression, you can feel deeply alone. You can feel like you’re the only person on the planet who’s struggling with weird worries (which won’t go away), who can’t go grocery shopping without getting sweaty and panicked, who fears everything. When we feel this way, one of the greatest gifts we can receive is knowing that there’s someone out there walking a similar path, someone who understands the sorrow, the struggles, the symptoms, the hardships. Someone we can relate to, someone who shares their story, with vulnerability and without filters. With You Can Do All Things, Kate Allan has given us such a gift. In You Can Do All Things, Kate shares her struggles with anxiety and depression, which started when she was just a child. Through her honest words, uplifting illustrations, and actionable suggestions, Kate also encourages us to keep trying and to keep going. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

It’s Your Weirdness that Makes You Wonderful by Kate Allan

Depression and anxiety are topics that can be uncomfortable to talk about, but that doesn’t mean they should be avoided. If anything, it means we need to be more aware and have more conversations about them. With the help of her adorable illustrations, art blogger Kate Allan (known through her remarkably popular Tumblr blog as “The Latest Kate”) urges us to be mindful of our mentality. Allan, who suffers from anxiety and depression herself, understands what it’s like to deal with feelings that are difficult to fight through. In this book, she provides the personal kind of encouragement that she herself needs to hear. These encouraging words, along with writing prompts, can help readers sort through and express their feelings. Kate Allan’s creative journal meets us where we are―in the midst of the feelings that say we’re not enough, we can’t handle this life, we won’t make it. Her whimsical art and simple words lift trampled spirits and combat thoughts that lead us to believe our weirdness makes us weak. Young and old, we are encouraged to love ourselves exactly as we are. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

You’re Strong, Smart, and You Got This: Drawings, Affirmations, and Comfort to Help with Anxiety and Depression by Kate Allan

It’s not easy to discuss mental health, even though it affects everyone. We want to believe we can handle anything that comes at us, but the reality is we all have good days and bad days. Through guided illustrations, author Kate Allan opens the door to discussion about mental health in an approachable and unassuming manner. Whether you deal with social anxiety, depression, or are simply going through a rough patch, Allan is here with her friendly animals to help. The focus of this book is personal growth, both the reader’s and the author’s. With her beautiful illustrations, Allan guides us through how she went from rock bottom to managing her mental health quite well. By zooming in on mindfulness and prioritizing self-care, Allan expresses how we can get through the hardships we face and come out stronger. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

Thera-pets: 64 Emotional Support Animal Cards by Kate Allan

Thera-pets is a deck of 64 cute doodles that comes from the bestselling author of You Can Do All Things. Each card of positive affirmations offers you a daily moment of joy to escape from the problems so many of us face in this hectic, modern world. Inside, you’ll find cute animal drawings to calm your mind, uplifting quotes to help you through bad days, and words of wisdom and ways to find mindfulness. Kate Allan draws from her own experiences with anxiety and depression to create therapeutic and soothing works of art for all. Think of this card deck as a menagerie of emotional support animals to take with you anywhere―an airplane, a trip to the dentist, your first day at a new job, or anytime you need a little boost of cheer and encouragement. View this book on Bookshop and Amazon!

How are you coping with all the hard decisions this school year?

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Memes as Therapy

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May 4, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 9 Comments

I’ve noticed a trend among young adults and teens.

Since mental illness and mental pain in our society is so silenced and scoffed at, ridiculed and invalidated, they make fun of it.

They have to make fun of mental illness in memes and stories on Tumblr, Facebook, and Instagram, SnapChat…teens and young adults share parodies and self-deprecating humor extraordinaire in group chats and when they actually meet face to face.

In his 1976 book, The Selfish Gene, scientist Richard Dawkins coined the word “meme” from the Greek word for “mimesis,” meaning to imitate when describing the natural selection of transmittable ideas. So of course, we bastardized that word to mean funny images online.

The apathy of my Generation X certainly showed in our nihilism and absurdism. We really were lost, latchkey kids, left to our own devices. No one knew where we were or what we were doing. We raised ourselves. Our grunge music, art, and movies portray us as hopeless, jobless, depressed slackers. We just shrugged and sort of accepted it.

We didn’t have cell phone, Internet, or social media. We weren’t constantly connected. We broke up with lovers and friends and never had to see or speak to them again. Stalking was in real time, if at all.

We grew up in the vestiges of political correctness, etiquette, courtesy, politeness. We obeyed authority, but grumbled about it behind their backs. We didn’t have any solidarity. We had no one to fight or blame.

By the late 1990s, Boomers gained the greatest social, political, and economic influence worldwide, and also a multitude of long-percolating crises reached their boiling points – climate change, national debt, a shrinking middle class, and worse.

The Simpsons and other parodies and dystopias have opened a doorway into darker and darker humor. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Millennials and iGen are suffering from student debt and feelings of loss of the American dream that plagues past generations but is now nowhere in sight.

The nihilism and absurdity of memes that joke about dying and mental illness reflect a neo-Dada movement.

I wonder if we more openly discussed mental health in past generations would it have been more diagnosed and treated without so much stigma – or are society’s issues creating more mental illness in the last couple decades?

I’m a little bit in awe of today’s youth who are more thoughtful and aware and connected than any peer I’ve ever known.

They’ve never known a world without Internet, cell phones, social media.

Teens and young adults today recognize injustice and they speak out about it. They feel lost and alone, depressed and anxious, and they make memes, share stories, poetry, art online. They find their patrons, followers, comrades. They virtually rejoice together and curl up in fetal positions together.

Sometimes you just need to talk about something—not to get sympathy or help, but just to kill its power by allowing the truth of things to hit the air.
Karen Salmansohn

Memes as Therapy

Humor

Humor breaks the ice.

When we see funny memes, we LOL or at least breathe out through our nose a little more harshly.

Laughter really is the best medicine.

Humor helps regulate our emotions.

Those of us with depression might have a darker sense of humor than most.

Cognitive reappraisal is more than just counting our blessings or telling ourselves to cheer up. We can sometimes thoughtfully internalize a meme without feeling attacked or reduced.

Affiliative humor are jokes that connect us with others. Self-enhancing humor is similar, find absurdity and joy in dark situations.

Rejection

So many of us feel rejected – by parents, siblings, lovers, spouses, friends, pastors, society.

Memes are a way to show solidarity.

They can point out prejudice, -isms, injustice.

Memes can educate about marginalized groups. It’s not aggressive humor at another’s expense.

Yes, there is irony in sharing these memes. Social media brings exposure to an issue without adequately dealing with it. Social media is also a notorious breeding ground for negative behavior, and may exacerbate any feelings being shared.

We’re not trying to romanticize or trivializing mental illness with dark humor. While there is a risk of someone somewhere misconstruing or becoming offended, that is seldom the intent behind the memes.

Vulnerability

I love seeing celebrities being vulnerable when they share memes or personal images and stories online.

It shows us that we are all human with roller coaster emotions or overcoming trauma.

We can work through those ups and downs in healthier ways than past generations.

Memes lighten the heaviness of therapy topics. Sharing could raise ideas I have gone to therapy or experienced struggles. Potential disclosure through a joke allows us to be vulnerable in a controlled way, using humor to communicate about sensitive topics.

Studies show depressed people who struggle to control their emotions are most likely to enjoy depressive memes.

When my teens and I share these memes, it helps me to understand what they’re going through and how I can help. Often it gives us info to take to our therapists.

Do some of these memes make me uncomfortable? Absolutely. And I think that’s what makes them so powerful. I can examine why and search my soul.

Camaraderie

We share our experiences, opinions, and feelings easily with a relatable image.

When we share a meme and it gets spread, we feel seen We read comments. We connect. We laugh and cry together.

Memes can help destigmatize mental illness and help us feel a sense of community.

While many of feel isolated and have few IRL friends, we can connect online and make virtual friends.

We are not alone in our pain.

Escapism

The pain seems to be overwhelming.

But sharing it makes it bearable.

We like to read about other people. We like to think we are not alone.

This is why we like science fiction, dystopias, speculation.

We want to see a cartoon of ourselves cocooned in blankets eating Cheetos on our devices avoiding responsibilities.

We need the chuckle of a WTF moment or a nod at someone else’s experience.

And even this, like all escaping from reality and pain, can dissolve into an unhealthy coping mechanism. It’s a tool, but it needs to be used wisely.

Memes can offer familiarity, freedom, and levity in a world that, more often than not, flattens and invalidates queer experience.
Bitch Media

Some favorite pages: Pictures for not killing yourself, Cheerful Nihilism, and Aborted Dreams.

Therapist: And what do we say when we feel anxious or have a depressive episode?
Me: It just be like that sometimes.
Therapist: No.

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Mental Illness Portrayed in Film

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March 24, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

My eldest child is in her second year at a local college. She is minoring in psychology and majoring in art, planning to be an art therapist.

One of her assignments for her abnormal psych course was to watch an {obscure film} portraying mental illness and write about it.

After scouring the Internet for a film that didn’t make a top ten list, we landed on No Letting Go.

It was not a good film by any standard.

The plot is about a young boy from age 10-16 or so, and his family navigating his bipolar disorder diagnosis. It’s based on a true story.

There are some issues with the film No Letting Go…

The family is rich and white. They have virtually unlimited resources at their fingertips, yet it takes them years to get a good diagnosis and the help the boy needs.

The father in the movie seems clueless about the needs of his family.

The therapist and family are reluctant to try medication.

It’s way past worrying about stigma. The family has lost friends, family, all dignity and respect of the community. The son has been expelled from schools for erratic and volatile behavior. Shouldn’t they try anything that could help at some point?

The family is all but destroyed before they seek help via a remote wilderness camp for boys with mental illnesses where he is locked away for months.

It’s based on a true story and shows the stigma and reluctance of most of us to admit there’s even a problem.

Most of the time, when someone with a mental illness is portrayed in creative media, they’re shown as simply melodramatic, glamorous, shallow, selfish. Despite numerous resources (because they’re almost always wealthy and white) and flippant family and friends who are mostly clueless what the person needs, these characters somehow are able to still lead a semblance of a normal life or self-medicate and push through admirably.

A study conducted by the National Mental Health Association (NMHA) found that 70 percent of the public gets their information about mental health from the TV, 58 percent from newspapers, 51 percent from television news, 34 percent from news magazines and 25 percent from the internet.

Stereotypes lead to stigma, which has harmful effects on many individuals:

Discourage people from getting the help they need
Make recovery more difficult because people feel less confident
Promote discrimination in the workplace, school, or any social situation
Cause isolation because of fear
Negatively impact friends, family, and relationships
Create the view that those who have a mental health problem are outsiders
Damage self-image
Mental illness correlations with violence

That is not the reality of mental illness.

And there are so many films glorifying addiction, substance abuse, eating disorders and dysfunctional relationships. While we may see a bit of ourselves in those, they’re too brief and shallow to be diagnosable and representative of mental illness.

Many films blur abuse, addiction, personality and mood disorders, and mental illness. The producers, writers, and directions either don’t care for accuracy, don’t have enough time to explore the issues in a couple hours, or didn’t do any research at all.

Mental Illness Portrayed in Film

Creative drama is drawn to the complexity and fragility of the mind – but mainstream entertainment still demands a snappy fix.

“Crazy” or “mad” characters are often personified as evil, anti-heroes, often masked or disfigured to ramp up the shock effect – like in slasher horror films.

Is it mental illness, the devil or demons, society, trauma, addiction, bad parenting, or what?

Western culture has been defined by films like Psycho, Sibyl, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, The Shining, Halloween, and Mad to Be Normal.

Inside Out is a great film showing emotions and mental health.

It’s interesting to see other cultural views like in A Page of Madness.

Some films on the list are hard to categorize or portray multiple issues. Of course, these are fictional characters or only loosely based on real events and people.

Borderline Personality Disorder
One Hour Photo
Single White Female
Fatal Attraction
The Good Son
Ingrid Goes West
Margot at the Wedding
Mad Love
Falling Down
Shame
Postcards from the Edge
White Oleander
Mommie Dearest
Gaslight
The Rose
Gia

Bipolar Disorder
Homeland (Dramatic TV Series)
The Other Half
Touched with Fire
Silver Linings Playbook
Of Two Minds
Helen
Poppy Shakespeare
Infinitely Polar Bear

Depression
Perks of Being a Wallflower
Garden State
It’s Kind of a Funny Story
The Skeleton Twins
Melancholia
Prozac Nation
Little Miss Sunshine
Leaving Las Vegas
Augusta, Gone

Schizophrenia
Angel at My Table
Lars and the Real Girl – Schizoid Personality Disorder
A Beautiful Mind
The Soloist
Some Voices
Unsound (Short Film)
Benny and Joon
Black Swan – Psychosis
The Neon Demon – Psychosis
Maniac
Shutter Island
The Fisher King

PTSD
Jacob’s Ladder
Call Me Crazy
Martha Marcy May Marlene
The Deer Hunter
Rachel Getting Married

Dissociative Identity Disorder
Girl, Interrupted
Welcome to Me
Frankie & Alice
Fight Club
Sybil
The Three Faces of Eve
Psycho

Anxiety Disorder
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Analyze This and Analyze That
What About Bob?
The King’s Speech
Rain Man

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
The Aviator
Contamination (short film)
As Good as It Gets
Grey Gardens
Hello, My Name Is Doris
Matchstick Men

I’m sure there are other films. This is not an exhaustive list. But some films gloss over, make fun of, glorify, or criminalize mental illness. We live in a society that is unhealthy and loves to portray us vs. them. Most media doesn’t offer families or relationship story lines of love, health, unity. It doesn’t sell.

Do movies promote or reflect a heightened public awareness of mental health?

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Lessons from Quarantine

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March 22, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 12 Comments

I didn’t even realize my normal introverted stay-at-home-homeschooling lifestyle was called “quarantine” until people started having real meltdowns on social media about being forced to stay home, work from home, not eat out, not socializing with friends at bars, restaurants, parties, etc.

People seem to really not like their kids, cooking at home, staying home, or walking in nature.

For years, everyone has underestimated my desire to stay home. I’m an introvert and I’m tired of apologizing for my simple lifestyle.

Schools are canceled. College classes are canceled. Churches are closed. Restaurants and stores are closed. Sports are canceled. Libraries and other fun places we would occasionally go to are closed. The kids’ gymnastics and ice skating lessons are canceled.

Very little of this really affects me but I’m trying so hard to empathize with people who are upset about it all. I am amazed at how well my kids handle disappointment and I’m sometimes struggling.

While I understand these times are hard for extroverts like my teen daughter, we can adjust and help each other through this.

What can we learn from quarantine?

Let us live in hope of a better day.

Lessons from Quarantine

Love Your Neighbor.

I’m very concerned by people who are living in denial that this virus is dangerous and deadly. I’m concerned about people who are still traveling and vacationing.

I’m worried about the people who can’t get their needs met – the people laid off, unable to work, immunocompromised, starving children, abusive families, those with mental illness.

The economy is surely hurting and will take a while to recover. Perhaps this is the time our leaders can rethink how wealth is distributed and what programs should be in place as societal safety nets.

I love seeing people offering to help others – by picking up groceries or however people need help. All the online threads with GoFundMe and payment apps to help pay bills. As long as it’s not caremongering – posturing and flashy “look at me and all the good I’m doing!” Performance-based-Christianity is a virus itself.

But it’s sad we weren’t more prepared as a nation and world. May we come out on the other side of this with new perspective in how to serve others.

Many church leaders are posting mini services and prayer chains on social media. They offer hope and connection to those who are anxious and scared.

We’re all learning how to love and it’s so, so sad to still see hate, exclusion, blame, and negativity out there.

Boundaries.

While I’m used to being at home with my kids all day, every day…the mental load of realizing that we shouldn’t go out and all our extracurricular courses are cancelled and no one can play or socialize with friends is still very hard.

I’m not really much of a rule maker, but I have to institute some boundaries to make sure we don’t regress into chaos since weekends aren’t anything anymore. I’ve never really stressed about screentime, but I will not have disrespectful attitudes.

My almost twenty year old daughter is struggling with having her freedom sucked away. I do get it. It’s difficult for a fledgling adult to have her wings clipped and it’s not her fault. Her anxiety is running rampant. Her college classes were canceled for the whole semester and everything is online and she doesn’t do well with that education model. She has a part-time job at a local bank and she’s at least able to work a few days a week at their drive-thru (the inside bank is closed) when many cannot work. It hurts me that she would prefer greasy fast food instead of our home cooked meals. I will not have her treating her young siblings like her peers, showing them inappropriate Tik Tok videos, Instagram, or Snapchat, and wanting to watch unsuitable films and shows with them.

There have been lectures, slamming doors, angry texts, and rolling eyes. It’s really hard to be a gentle parent sometimes. I’m not sure what to do or say since it all seems wrong.

My husband works from home most evenings and weekends while still going to work Monday-Friday 7-5. He’s a military medical lab manager and it’s stressful everywhere in the medical communities right now. I’m feeling sometimes like I did when he was deployed. He’s here, but he’s not really here.

Sometimes, I really just want to be alone for an hour – in my home office, on the deck, in the bathroom. In silence.

Simplicity.

I like the simple life.

We cook all our meals at home. Restaurant closures don’t affect us at all since we rarely dine out and rarely get takeout and never delivery. I’ve never used a meal delivery service and I don’t plan to start. I’m concerned for food service industry and their jobs and well-being more than my lack of ability to get prepared or precooked food.

We’ve been striving to get debt-free for years and we are getting pretty close. Our investments took a hit as I’m sure many others have noticed. We’re not especially worried since we’re in that for the long haul.

I’m not much of a shopper. I mean I order tons of things online for our homeschool and when the kids ask for something (and they rarely ask for anything!). But I really loathe going inside stores. I don’t care about fashion or accessories or jewelry or makeup. I love seeing the beautiful regular people using this time to show us their tutorials online though.

Of course it’s easier not to spend money and pay off debts when there’s nowhere to go and no one to visit. There’s no point in buying anything.

We read Deuteronomy 15 along with history read aloud of the 2008-09 housing crash and that really was interesting in light of current events. Perhaps we really need a Jubilee?

We’ve been cleaning and purging for spring. Making much needed updates and repairs that have been on our list for ages. We just bought our house!

We read lots. That doesn’t change. We’re bingeing dystopian film and books too!

We do lots of creative things like art, crafts, jewelry…

We play Legos, board games, Switch and Wii, iPads…

We evaluate our priorities and lifestyle all the time and continue to simplify.

Going Outside.

I’m seeing so many more people outside – walking, running, skating, biking, with dogs. They mostly keep a good distance and wave or call hello. It’s pleasant and I hope it continues.

The outdoors aren’t closed or canceled except when they’re getting swamped with people not following the distancing rules.

We love nature and the outdoors and we still do our almost daily walks around our pond and hike off in the woods in our backyard. We play in our driveway and yard.

We love seeing the blossoms and buds that are new each day as the seasons change. We watch the birds and squirrels. We await the new babies.

The warmer weather and sunshine are very welcome.

Making Memories.

We’re pretty doing the same things we’ve always done.

Our life is mostly unchanged.

I wonder what memories we will have of this time in the years to come… What will our kids tell their children? What will history say of us?

We baked brownies and breads, learned how to perfect homemade pasta, had more meals with our families, bought bidets during the great tissue shortage, and shared more of our lives online with our neighbors, friends, and family.

Sometimes, we have to go offline and protect our anxious minds. Perhaps we can grow from this time of rest.

Maybe we’re understanding what community means.

We’re learning what love means in a time of crisis.

How are you passing the time?

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Do Not Fear

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March 13, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 13 Comments

We live in a fearful time.

Anger is often disguised fear.

People act irrationally when they are fearful.

Sometimes it’s hard.

Fear breeds empty girls – fake girls with no opinions. Girls who smile when they want to scream and laugh when they need to cry. We are not that girl. We are the ones they’ve called witches. The ones who have too much to say and who feel too much. We are the ones with fire in our blood and we are not afraid anymore.
Brooke Hampton

Why do we experience so much fear?

Fear of nature

Many public places have signs warning to stay out of the water, off the grass…look but don’t touch.

I’ve witnessed parents, surely well-meaning, admonish their kids to not get dirty outside, don’t play there, don’t get in that, stay off the grass.

They’re kids.

They’re supposed to get dirty and play in the creek, grass, woods, in trees.

Kids are washable.

Of course, nature can be violent and unpredictable and we should prepare for severe weather conditions.

But usually, there is no bad weather, and we should model for kids that nature is good in all seasons. We should teach and model respect and awe for bugs, animals, plants, trees, waterways, the oceans, the environment.

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.
Margaret Atwood

Fear of others

Americans seem to have always had an us/them mentality.

I’ve seen it in the news and on social media a lot these last few years. Immigration, racism, misogyny, poverty. It’s so sad.

I try to teach my kids that we are one human family.

We are global citizens.

What may not affect me or you personally still may affect someone we know, or someone they know. When did the commandment Love thy neighbor become exclusionary?

I am raising my children to be revolutionaries who are nonviolent and hopefully will help change this world for the better.

I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers or height or depth, or any other thing that is created.
Romans 8:38-39

Fear of the unknown

It’s normal to feel a little apprehensive in new situations and to worry about the future.

But when worry develops into paralysis or anxiety, it’s not healthy.

It’s easy to tell people to have faith, be calm, trust, and let it go.

It’s hard when we’re in the thick of a crisis or difficult time.

Looking back over hard times, it’s easy to see how I perhaps unnecessarily worried, but at the time it was so hard to be patient and wait for an answer, a healing, better times.

Fear of risk

As parents, we long to protect our kids at all costs.

But it’s healthier for them to understand risk – their own abilities and limits.

While I followed behind my toddlers to catch them if they fell, I soon took a more hands-off approach as they became preschoolers and school age.

Now, they’re all over age 10 and I am in awe of how they fly without my hovering.

Some healthy risk, of course, is fine, but taking it too far isn’t a good idea.

We need to strive to be debt-free and not take too much financial risk. We shouldn’t be daredevils and test fate with our lives. We need balance.

Fear of failure and imposter syndrome seem to be more prevalent these days.

Fear of real connection

I have realized there seems to be a shift in our Western society of lack of connection.

I see it in the rise of addiction.

I see it in the divorce rates.

I see so many broken homes. I see rampant abuse and dysfunctional relationships.

People are quick to live only on the surface, never really getting to know neighbors, coworkers, even their own spouses and children before it might be too late.

I have no friends. People unfriend our family on social media as soon as we are out of sight to our next military base. We are disposable.

They were more important to us than we ever were to them.

I see such lack of support for women – working mothers, stay at home moms. There is a lot of misogyny and childism.

Our society doesn’t respect women, children, disabled, or elderly.

Our society blames people for being poor. or disabled. or different. or Black.

Is is time to worry yet?
Not yet.
It’s not time to worry yet.
Atticus in To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Conquering Fear

Sometimes, it’s almost too easy to give in to panic and herd mentality. We are bombarded with fake news or information with tiny threads of truth and lots of hateful opinion designed to promote division and fear.

Anxiety tricks you out of the “now” as you obsessively replay and regret the past and worry about the future. It tricks you into losing sight of your competence and your capacity for love, creativity, and joy. It tricks you into believing that you are lesser and smaller than you really are. Anxiety interferes with self-regard and self-respect, the foundation on which all else rests.
Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self

Most of us are generally unaffected by the stock market, viruses that come from strange places, innercity turmoil, gas prices, racism, extreme poverty.

Gratitude and privilege will not save us.

Manage expectations, emotions, and reactions. Take it easy. Be proactive and stay flexible.

It’s how we react and what we do during times of emergency that show our true hearts.

Fear makes us grab traditional, routine ways of doing things. Or it might be so intense that it throws us for a loop and makes us run around wild. Both types are not the Christian joy Jesus speaks of.
Henri J. M. Nouwen, Following Jesus: Finding Our Way Home in an Age of Anxiety

From Adam Hamilton in Unafraid:

F: Face your fears.

E: Examine your assumptions in the light of the facts.

A: Attack your anxiety with action.

R: Release your cares to God.

Tip delivery people and wait staff well. Buy gift cards direct from local stores and restaurants to use later.

Wash your hands. Cover your mouth. Take your vitamins. Don’t in fistfights at Kroger over toilet paper.

Realize that others may have different lifestyles and experiences. Single parents struggle with child care. Wage workers can’t pay their bills if they don’t work. Some students are finding themselves homeless without their work-study programs, meal plans, and dorms. Overwhelming debt cripples this country.

Always be kind.

Don’t panic.
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear expects punishment. The person who is afraid has not been made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18

Jesus calls us to rise higher than fear, worry, anxiety, judging, and not loving others in Matthew 7.

Are we generous or not?

You might like my other post about Fear.

What could you do if you weren’t afraid?

We’re all just walking each other home.
Ram Dass

Being fully present to fear, to gratitude, to all that is—this is the practice of mutual belonging. As living members of the living body of Earth, we are grounded in that kind of belonging. Even when faced with cataclysmic changes, nothing can ever separate us from Earth. We are already home.
Joanna Macy

In “Why Are Americans Afraid of Dragons?” I talked about how so many Americans distrust and despise not only the obviously imaginative kind of fiction we call fantasy, but also all fiction, often rationalizing their fear and contempt with financial or religious arguments: reading novels is a waste of valuable time, the only true book is the Bible, etc. I said that many Americans have been taught “to repress their imagination, to reject it as something childish or effeminate, unprofitable, and probably sinful. . . . They have learned to fear [the imagination]. But they have never learned to discipline it at all.” I wrote that in 1974. The millennium has come and we still fear dragons.
Ursula K. Le Guin

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Lessons from Quarantine

Apocalyptic Movies and Books to Binge

Linking up: Random Musings, Welcome Heart, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Marilyn’s Treats, Kippi at Home, Create with Joy, Little Cottage, Our Home, Mostly Blogging, Mary Geisen, InstaEncouragements, Purposeful Faith, Dedicated House, Ducks in a Row, LouLou Girls, Our Three Peas, Suburbia, Grandma’s Ideas, Anchored Abode, Soaring with Him, Worth Beyond Rubies, Ducks in a Row, Whims, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap Crafts, Katherine’s Corner, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, Crystal Storms, CKK, Imparting Grace, Slices of Life, Life Beyond the Kitchen, Chic on Shoestring, Answer is Choco, Simply Sweet Home, Momfessionals, Embracing Unexpected, Lyli Dunbar, Pieced Pastimes, Fireman’s Wife, CWJ, OMHGF, Being a Wordsmith,

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Living with Depression

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March 2, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 13 Comments

Everyone gets the blues sometimes.

If you’re sad and empty, have trouble concentrating, eating, or sleeping for two weeks or more, you could have depression.

Depression is not a one-size-fits-all illness. It comes in many forms, each with slightly different symptoms.

Depression can be treated, usually with medicine, talk therapy, or both.

After years of living with various degrees of depression, trying different meds with horrible side effects, and therapies to little effect, I realize I just have functional depression.

It’s just a persistent melancholy or dysthymia that’s always in the background and I plug on, carry on, but sometimes I experience pits of despair that I struggle to pull out of and life gets really hard.

Depression feels different for everyone.

5 Lies Christians Tell About Mental Illness

God won’t give you more than you can handle.
Just pray and read the Bible more for healing.
Mental illness is a sin, curse, or demon possession.
If you loved Jesus more you would be happier and better.
You can’t be a good Christian if you have a mental illness.

I’m sick and tired of hearing lies like these about mental illness from well-meaning people. You don’t hear things like this about people with physical illness. It’s not just from the proponents of prosperity gospel either. It’s dangerous to tell people that “it’s all in their head.”

We need to do better.

You may not realize some people have depression or other mental illnesses. It’s often not very obvious.

You won’t know I’m not sleeping or oversleeping, binging or abstaining from food, online shopping, gaming, social media…if I’m paranoid afraid that my spouse or kids will leave, get hurt, or die. When I’m overly irritable, people will just assume it’s PMS.

I may seem all smooth and serene, but it’s really that I feel dead inside this week, this month, this season. I’m really good at hiding it behind polite smiles and small talk. Since I am an introvert, you won’t know the difference between my normal and my down days.

Types of Depression

Major Depressive Disorder or Clinical Depression

To make a diagnosis, doctors look for at least five symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and behave, including:

Sadness
Loss of interest in activities
Sleeplessness
Trouble making decisions
Difficulty concentrating
Sleepiness
Suicidal thoughts or actions
Changes in appetite
Feelings of guilt or worthlessness

Persistent Depressive Disorder or Dysthymic Disorder or Dysthymia

If you’ve been feeling down for at least two years, you may have persistent depressive disorder. More women than men seem to have PDD. Kids and teens can have it, too. It makes them more irritable than depressed, and for them to have this diagnosis, their symptoms need to last only a year. I consider this functional depression. Melancholy.

Bipolar Disorder, used to be called Manic Depression

This features emotional high periods called mania and the lows of depression. These swings affect not only how you feel, but your behavior and judgment, too. This can cause problems with work, relationships, and day-to-day life. Suicidal thoughts and behaviors also are common with bipolar disorder.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

The dreary days of winter can be hard for those with seasonal affective disorder (SAD). These symptoms are the same as depression, but generally happen only when there’s less daylight. About 5% of adults in America have SAD. Treatments such as light therapy or medication can ease symptoms and they can also improve on their own when sunnier weather and season arrives.

Adjustment Disorder

Any of life’s unexpected curveballs can bring on extra stress. If it becomes difficult to move forward, you may have an adjustment disorder that can cause depression, anxiety, or both. You may hear this called “situational disorder or symptoms.” The symptoms can start within three months of a stressful event, and they’re usually gone about six months later, but they can last longer, depending on the cause. Usually, talk therapy is the recommended treatment. As a military spouse, I’ve absolutely seen adjustment disorder too often in my family and others.

Psychotic Depression

This is a severe type of depression. Its symptoms include hallucinations and delusions. You may be agitated and be unable to relax. Your ability to think clearly or move normally may slow down dramatically. Psychotic depression usually requires a hospital stay.

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder

Many women get the cramping and moodiness of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). If you have severe PMS that affects your job and relationships, you may have PMDD. Symptoms often start 7 to 10 days before your period and usually go away a few days after the period begins. If you think you have PMDD, see your doctor to help rule out other issues. I was just diagnosed with a uterine fibroid and I now have a Mirena IUD to shrink it.

Treatments can include:

Lifestyle changes, such as diet and exercise
Oral contraceptives or hormone therapy
Antidepressants

Postpartum Depression

Most mothers feel a little blue after their baby’s birth due to changing hormones and other factors. If those feelings become severe, you could have postpartum depression. Symptoms can creep in a few weeks after the baby’s birth or even up to a year later. Mood swings, difficulty bonding with your baby, changes in thoughts and behavior, and fears about your mothering are common. If you think you have more than the baby blues, see your doctor. Our culture is very hard on mothers and offers little support for new moms. I suffered terribly after having each of my four babies with no rest or support system. I had no recovery time. We need to do better.

Atypical Depression

Most forms of depression make you feel sad and empty. But if yours lifts briefly after good news or a positive experience, you may have atypical depression. A doctor can help clarify and distinguish this type. It isn’t rare, but its symptoms are a little different. Other than the temporary mood lift, you may:

Have a bigger appetite
Sleep ten or more hours a day
Be especially sensitive to criticism.
Get a heavy feeling in your arms and legs that is not because you’re tired

Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder

Although most children have temper tantrums, kids with this disorder are usually excessively irritable and have outbursts well beyond what’s expected. The previous diagnosis for some of these kids was pediatric bipolar disorder, but their symptoms do not always fit this description. It’s a good idea to observe your child in different environments and encourage children to take risks within a safety net so they learn appropriate boundaries and challenge their potential. Reach out to teachers and caregivers for assistance. A doctor can help distinguish this disorder from ADHD or other issues. Lifestyle changes may help.

Subsyndromal Depression

Subsyndromal means that you may have some symptoms of a disorder, but not enough for a diagnosis. Subsyndromal depression means you have at least two symptoms, but fewer than the five necessary for your doctor to say you have a major depression disorder.

For you to get a diagnosis of this type of depression, your symptoms must affect your quality of life for at least two weeks. Doctors can help rule out any physical reasons for symptoms that may mimic depressive symptoms. Sometimes, there is a vitamin deficiency or other underlying cause.

Treatment-Resistant Depression

For most people with depression, modern treatments work well to help you get your life back on track. But up to about a third of people with depression disorders need a little more help.

Doctors are looking at why some people respond well to treatment while others don’t. Some people may have success with their treatment for a little while then have it stop working.

Even if your depression is tougher to treat, you should keep seeing your doctor for assistance and solutions. I know it’s hard.

Do you know someone living with depression?

Check on your friends, family members, coworkers…anyone who you come in contact with on a regular basis.

Don’t just make assumptions. Don’t get your feelings hurt if they pull away.

Please don’t just vaguely say, “Let me know if you need anything.”

People with depression and other mental illnesses need a lot of things, but we will almost ask. We don’t think we deserve your attention. We don’t want to be a burden. We have learned that society doesn’t really care or want to help.

Please reach out.

Because I won’t.

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What Depression Feels Like and Books about Depression

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Books about Depression

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February 17, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 11 Comments

People who have never suffered from depression just don’t understand.

Our society overuses the word depressed to mean temporarily sad.

But depression is an ongoing illness.

Depression doesn’t just go away when life quality, finances, relationships, or circumstances improve.

Medications don’t always help. I’ve tried several and I tired of the side effects and being a guinea pig. I don’t like feeling numb or half here.

So many people think they’re really helping when they recommend trite self-help books that just tell the reader to be happier, listen to more Contemporary Christian pop music, read the Bible, and pray more.

A business person makes money off your problems, they are invested in you having a problem. When Rachel Hollis says you have a problem, it’s because she hopes to profit from your problem.
Devi Abraham

I do appreciate the memoirs about people rescuing themselves by running with their dogs or finding something to live for – clinging to hope in a prayer, pet, memory, or child.

It’s just that every person with depression is different, experiences it differently, copes differently.

Here’s what depression feels like to me.

These books show a reality to depression and living and surviving…or not.

Depression isn’t just feeling down or having the blues or feeling out of sorts.

It’s a nagging, staticy feeling at the very base of the brain all the time, often rising to the surface and taking over everything.

I don’t think there are many books that show the harsh reality of depression.

Even having depression, I often look at others and characters in movies and books and wonder why they have it? I find myself believing the lies of “but they have such a nice life with no problems.”

Depression lies.

If I wanted to not be this way, then I wouldn’t be this way.

Books about Depression

Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig

Like nearly one in five people, Matt Haig suffers from depression. Reasons to Stay Alive is Matt’s inspiring account of how, minute by minute and day by day, he overcame the disease with the help of reading, writing, and the love of his parents and his girlfriend (and now-wife), Andrea. And eventually, he learned to appreciate life all the more for it.

Everyone’s lives are touched by mental illness: if we do not suffer from it ourselves, then we have a friend or loved one who does. Matt’s frankness about his experiences is both inspiring to those who feel daunted by depression and illuminating to those who are mystified by it. Above all, his humor and encouragement never let us lose sight of hope. Speaking as his present self to his former self in the depths of depression, Matt is adamant that the oldest cliché is the truest—there is light at the end of the tunnel. He teaches us to celebrate the small joys and moments of peace that life brings, and reminds us that there are always reasons to stay alive.

All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

When Finch and Violet meet on the ledge of the bell tower at school—six stories above the ground— it’s unclear who saves whom. Soon it’s only with Violet that Finch can be himself. And it’s only with Finch that Violet can forget to count away the days and start living them. But as Violet’s world grows, Finch’s begins to shrink…

All the Bright Places is coming to Netflix soon! I’m interested to see what they do with it.

By The Time You Read This, I’ll Be Dead by Julie Anne Peters

After a lifetime of being bullied, Daelyn is broken beyond repair. She has tried to kill herself before, and is determined to get it right this time. Though her parents think they can protect her, she finds a Web site for “completers” that seems made just for her. She blogs on its forums, purging her harrowing history. At her private Catholic school, the only person who interacts with her is a boy named Santana. No matter how poorly she treats him, he just won’t leave her alone. And it’s too late for Daelyn to be letting people into her life . . . isn’t it?

In this harrowing, compelling novel, Julie Anne Peters shines a light on what might make a teenager want to kill herself, as well as how she might start to bring herself back from the edge. A discussion guide and resource list prepared by “bullycide” expert C. J. Bott are included in the back matter.

Suicide Notes by Michael Thomas Ford

Fifteen-year-old Jeff wakes up on New Year’s Day to find himself in the hospital—specifically, in the psychiatric ward. Despite the bandages on his wrists, he’s positive this is all some huge mistake. Jeff is perfectly fine, perfectly normal; not like the other kids in the hospital with him.

But over the course of the next forty-five days, Jeff begins to understand why he ended up here—and realizes he has more in common with the other kids than he thought.

Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen

In 1967, after a session with a psychiatrist she’d never seen before, eighteen-year-old Susanna Kaysen was put in a taxi and sent to McLean Hospital. She spent most of the next two years in the ward for teenage girls in a psychiatric hospital as renowned for its famous clientele—Sylvia Plath, Robert Lowell, James Taylor, and Ray Charles—as for its progressive methods of treating those who could afford its sanctuary.

Kaysen’s memoir encompasses horror and razor-edged perception while providing vivid portraits of her fellow patients and their keepers. It is a brilliant evocation of a “parallel universe” set within the kaleidoscopically shifting landscape of the late sixties. Girl, Interrupted is a clear-sighted, unflinching document that gives lasting and specific dimension to our definitions of sane and insane, mental illness and recovery.

Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America by Elizabeth Wurtzel

Elizabeth Wurtzel writes with her finger on the faint pulse of an overdiagnosed generation whose ruling icons are Kurt Cobain, Xanax, and pierced tongues. Her famous memoir of her bouts with depression and skirmishes with drugs, Prozac Nation is a witty and sharp account of the psychopharmacology of an era

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

The Bell Jar chronicles the crack-up of Esther Greenwood: brilliant, beautiful, enormously talented, and successful, but slowly going under — maybe for the last time. Sylvia Plath masterfully draws the reader into Esther’s breakdown with such intensity that Esther’s insanity becomes completely real and even rational, as probable and accessible an experience as going to the movies. Such deep penetration into the dark and harrowing corners of the psyche is an extraordinary accomplishment

I haven’t read these yet, but they’re on my list:

Project Semicolon: Your Story Isn’t Over by Amy Bleuel

Project Semicolon began in 2013 to spread a message of hope: No one struggling with a mental illness is alone; you, too, can survive and live a life filled with joy and love. In support of the project and its message, thousands of people all over the world have gotten semicolon tattoos and shared photos of them, often alongside stories of hardship, growth, and rebirth.

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person’s Guide to Suicide Prevention by Susan Rose Blauner

An international epidemic, suicide has touched the lives of nearly half of all Americans, yet is rarely talked about openly. In this timely and important book, Susan Blauner breaks the silence to offer guidance and hope for those contemplating ending their lives — and for their loved ones.

A survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Blauner eloquently describes the feelings and fantasies surrounding suicide. In a direct, nonjudgmental, and loving voice, she offers affirmations and suggestions for those experiencing life-ending thoughts, and for their friends and family. Here is an essential resource destined to be the classic guide on the subject.

The Long Night: Readings and Stories to Help You through Depression by Jessica Kantrowitz

You’ve done what you can: you’ve seen your doctor, made an appointment with a therapist, picked up the prescription for the antidepressant and swallowed that first strange pill. But it can take four to eight weeks for the meds to start to work, and it might take two or more tries before you and your doctor find the ones that work best for you. When you’re in the midst of terrible depression, those weeks can feel like an eternity. You just want to feel better now. This book is for those who are in the long night of waiting. It does not promise healing or deliverance; it is not a guide to praying away the depression. It is simply an attempt to sit next to you in the dark while you wait for the light to emerge.