Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Easy Summer Meals

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It’s summer and the kids are home more – whether they’re home from public or private school, co-op, or college. Mine still take some classes and participate in various day camps – and for the first time, my middles have overnight camps!

One of my biggest concerns for summer (and all the time) is food.

For whatever reason, the kids seem to eat more – quantity and frequency. They’re probably growing and more active and the sunshine and warmer temps make them hungrier.

Our local libraries provides lunches for kids under 18 and I think that’s great! When my kids go to events and classes at our libraries, they are pressed upon to take the food and some of it they like.

I’m struggling to keep us in Gatorade and Body Armor in the flavors we prefer!

Since our summer schedule is a little more hectic and sporadic, I have to think about meals differently.

My college kid has a part time at a local grocery store and often has to take a quick lunch to eat during breaks.

My son has elite baseball games and tournaments and we often travel and need to bring snacks and meals with us – because sometimes they’re in a cornfield in the middle of nowhere.

My kids are pretty independent and know their way around the kitchen. They can make their own healthy meals and often do so. I also want to provide easy options for when we’re in a rush or have different schedules. I’m super impressed when they make quesadillas, little pizzas, fried rice, or homemade ramen!

We love bento and other fun containers to keep foods fresh and cold for lunches and snacks on the go.

What our meals look like every week

Breakfast:

  • Hot and cold cereal cups
  • Oatmeal cups
  • Grits with cheese
  • Organic poptarts
  • Dinosaur eggs oatmeal
  • Bolthouse protein shakes
  • Breakfast lunchables
  • Croissants, English muffins, bagels for sandwiches
  • so many eggs (my husband has a coworker with chickens, so we get about 4 dozen a week!)
  • Frozen sausage links (we love the Jones brand and I stock up at the commissary or Costco.)
  • Frozen pancakes, waffles, French toast sticks (We like Kodiak)
  • Nature Valley almond butter biscuits

Lunch and snack items:

  • Tuna and salmon pouches and these fun new lunchables from Walmart or Costco
  • Annie’s mac and cheese
  • Ramen and noodles (my kids prefer organic pouches for quick and easy but often make their own homemade ramen with leftovers!)
  • Indian pouches with lentils or chickpeas
  • Rice and beans pouches
  • Canned soups and chili (Annie’s is a favorite)
  • Spam (we lived in Hawaii for three years)
  • Hillshire Farm ham, turkey, and salami
  • Lunchables – Oscar Mayer uncured ham, Hillshire Farm, and Kroger Simple Truth
  • Tortillas and naan for quick wraps and pizzas
  • Peanut butter crackers – the variety packs also have a yummy cream cheese one
  • Protein granola bars and protein brownies – Clif, Kodiak, Luna, Kroger, and Meijer brand
  • bananas, apples, grapes, oranges
  • Nuts in ready to go packs

Dinner:

I try not to stress over having dinner later in the summer. I prefer we eat together as much as possible. I am often thwarted by baseball games and the kids’ other activities.

I’m making many slow cooker meals for when my son has baseball games or my daughter works late or has aerial gymnastics class. We can eat whenever we each get a chance, and often still mostly together.

We also do a lot of grilling year-round (some favorites are burgers, tritip, and salmon) and we love big salads.

Resources:

  • The Case Against Sugar by Gary Taubes
  • The Big Fat Surprise: Why Butter, Meat and Cheese Belong in a Healthy Diet by Nina Teicholz
  • The Great Cholesterol Myth, Revised and Expanded: Why Lowering Your Cholesterol Won’t Prevent Heart Disease–and the Statin-Free Plan that Will by Jonny Bowden and Stephen T. Sinatra
  • Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life by Barbara Kingsolver
  • Food Matters: A Guide to Conscious Eating with More Than 75 Recipes by Mark Bittman
  • VB6: Eat Vegan Before 6:00 to Lose Weight and Restore Your Health . . . for Good by Mark Bittman
  • In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto by Michael Pollan
  • The Whole30: The 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom by Melissa Hartwig Urban and Dallas Hartwig
  • 100 Days of Real Food: Fast & Fabulous: The Easy and Delicious Way to Cut Out Processed Food by Lisa Leake

How do your meals look in summer?

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Poor or Broke

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We’re living in economic conditions worse than those during the Great Depression. The wealth gap is greater now than it was then. But it seems that many live in denial with rising gas and food prices. It surely soon will become untenable.

The middle class is shrinking. The wealth gap is widening.

People say “live within your means” like it’s not becoming almost impossible with rising costs for housing, food, and gas.

There’s a difference between being poor and being broke.

Many people are struggling and broken.

The availability of credit and the expectation of debt makes many people believe they’re just supposed to be broke all the time, and it’s accepted by almost everyone.

Financial hardship can come on suddenly – medical bills, student loans, divorce, children’s expenses, job loss, housing repairs, car trouble, vet bills.

My Story

My grandparents grew up during the Great Depression and those ideals and traditions trickled down to my parents and to me. I understand and respect those values even if I don’t always share them now that I am an adult and parent.

I never thought I grew up poor.

My needs were met. I didn’t grow up around a lot of wealth disparity. There was no Internet or comparison readily available so how could I even know other than watching Silver Spoons and Richie Rick. I lived and played and went to school and suffered the lot of a child in the 70s, 80s, 90s – mostly unseen, unheard, free range. As were all of my peers.

My father worked a steady full time job during the week and was in the Army Reserves. My mother left her job and stayed at home when I was born. Most mothers I knew stayed home. I’m an only child. They paid their mortgage and bills on time. I don’t know much about their debt levels, but I don’t think they took on too much and their credit was always good.

But there wasn’t ever anything extra.

My mother certainly didn’t seem to enjoy being a stay at home mom. She didn’t like cooking or cleaning or looking after me. She did enjoy socializing with friends, neighbors, family. Times were different then. Expectations were different. Most of my memories of my mom were of her smoking while on the kitchen wall phone. I was left to fend for myself, entertain myself, while staying quiet and out of her way.

There’s a big difference between being broke and being poor. I was poor for about 2 years. I was broke for the following decade.

Erynn Brook

My mother returned to work when I was in the third grade. She impressed me with her decision by saying we could eat often at Pizza Hut. I was 10, so…

We did take Florida vacations for a week in the summer after my mom started working. That was nicer than camping weekends.

There was still nothing extra for ballet or piano lessons or any extracurricular activities I asked for. I’m still devastated about the ballet and piano lessons I longed for. I have tried to offer lessons and classes to my kids and provide for all their passions, however fleeting.

But I don’t remember eating often at Pizza Hut until 8th grade when I managed to catch a ride with another cheerleader’s family after football games. My parents both worked and I don’t remember them ever come to see me cheer at afterschool games.

There still wasn’t ever much extra.

The end of 6th grade, my mom cut and permed my hair at home after I begged to get bangs and a style like the magazines, like my peers. I couldn’t get a salon spiral perm or feathered bangs like my schoolmates. My mother controlled my appearance.

I was 14 the first time I was able to get a shirt from The Gap. It was on clearance and I loved it so much. Dark blue sweatshirt with a mock neck striped green and white. I cherished that shirt.

We moved the spring I turned 16 and I had to switch schools that next year. Looking back, I realize my parents scrimped and saved and always said they had no money maybe because they wanted a better house in a better neighborhood. I didn’t appreciate moving or changing schools or their timing.

My dad bought me my first car: a 1974 Volkswagen Beetle for $600. The summer after I turned 16, I got a job at McDonald’s to fix it up.

I was so proud of that car but it was frozen one night when I got off work late and my mom was furious that I had to call her to come pick me up. I’m still pissed that my parents sold it and got me another (newer safer more reliable) car that I didn’t even want.

I didn’t have a lot of choices growing up. My clothes and food were chosen for me. Everything was chosen for me. I didn’t get to make any decisions. That’s not a great way to become a young adult or learn how to be responsible.

They told me there wasn’t any money for me to live away at college in a dorm. I didn’t ask questions because they just got mad at me. I commuted to a local community college, then a state university. I earned academic scholarships. I am the first girl in my family to get a college degree. I got a loan for my master’s degree. Thankfully, it is paid off. I am horrified how the college loan situation has escalated in recent years for so many people.

My maternal uncle passed when I was about 19 and there was some money left to my mom, but they didn’t use any of it to help me with my education. My paternal grandma died when I was 18 and the sale of her house went into their savings, eventually becoming the down payment for the even bigger newer house they bought when I was 28.

I don’t have a home to return to anymore.

So I never thought I grew up poor, but money was always such a stressful topic. My parents constantly complained they didn’t have any. I learned not to ask for things I wanted. They still complain!

They still complain about money now that they are retired. Their retirement income exceeds my husband’s salary by more than half. They are paralyzed by a scarcity mentality.

I still don’t ask for anything. Not for me, not for my kids.

When I met my first husband, I thought he was so sophisticated. He lived in a retro apartment in downtown Atlanta. I was dazzled by the thought of independence. I ignored all the red flags. When I left home and moved in with him and got married (because evangelicism), I realized the fantasy he was living. He had grown up quite poor but his family lived in denial, maxing out credit cards. His father didn’t work at all, but claimed he was “retired.” I wasn’t allowed to ask questions. I grew up quickly from my disillusionment.

My parents disowned me over that marriage and I found myself without a car and without health insurance, so I learned to take buses to and from my college classes. I got a job as a secretary and my husband and I juggled sharing his old pickup truck. I had never had to pay bills before and it became overwhelming. We fought over expenses, of course. He seemed like he didn’t understand how bank cards worked, that the money in the joint account was deducted immediately and wasn’t there for other expenses we had. I needed his receipts (this was way before internet banking or apps) to reconcile the checking account and he needed to adjust his lifestyle to be more frugal. It was a constant battle. Then I learned my new husband was dealing drugs. I was so naïve.

When I began student teaching, I couldn’t work anymore and we moved into a new apartment closer to my school. Then after a big fight and short separation, we moved into a rental house nearer to his family. I still couldn’t all our pay bills on time, having to pick and choose which one to pay a little late or even the next month. He worked a shift job at $11/hour. There just was never enough money. There was a time I filled out paperwork for Medicaid, but I was too ashamed to fulfill the application process.

After I graduated, I began teaching full-time. I got a summer job to pay for my maternity leave. We had a baby. We both got new vehicles. Then we bought a house near his family, even though my commute was about an hour. I thought all these things were typical, normal, expected, progress. Then he hit me the second time and I left with the baby. My parents paid for the divorce and cosigned for me to get an apartment near them. More strings.

Living on my own as a single mom was hard, but I eventually became more stable emotionally. My credit was destroyed during the divorce. The house foreclosed. Even though the divorce decree stated we had to both pay the credit card, house, and the new truck he kept, he never paid for anything. And even though the divorce decree stated he owed us $92/week in child support, he quit his job, worked randomly for cash, filed bankruptcy, and moved out of state to avoid paying anything or having wages garnished. His parents also filed for bankruptcy. I had to negotiate with the bank over the truck loan and it finally just was absorbed by the lender. My credit was ruined. Credit scores are a joke. I traded my car in for another that my dad had to cosign for to get my husband’s name unattached to mine. I knew my money priorities were rent, utilities, and my new car payment. It was so hard.

I lost five jobs in two years. It was hard finding where I fit in. I worked as an adjunct English professor and part time at a day spa. I didn’t have health insurance and I had to pay cash for a doctor’s visit and for antibiotics when I came down with strep. I tried going to church and praying for direction. Most church members prayed for me to be reconciled to my husband, but they didn’t understand my circumstances. Or they didn’t care. It was a very confusing time for me.

I didn’t think I was ever poor because I had a roof over my head and food. I paid my bills on time, mostly. Even though I struggled, it just didn’t cross my mind since I could see a little progress. But I was always just a tiny step away from homelessness and financial ruin. The circumstances that surrounded me and could’ve happened are terrifying.

Paying for childcare was a nightmare. I wanted my daughter to have the stability and consistency and I believed then that daycare and preschool was best for her. It ate away most of my income. I dreamed of a time when she could go to public school and the financial burden might be eased. With her October birthday, it seemed such a long way off. There was a lottery in our county for public 4K, but that was still a couple years in the future. We had to eat dinner with my parents every night in order for me to be able to pay my other bills. At least I didn’t have to worry about food.

It’s been a long road and I’ve learned a lot along the way – about myself and how I want to teach my kids about finances and social responsibility.

It’s taken us over seventeen years, but we’ve finally purchased a home and feel pretty comfortable financially, just in time for my husband’s retirement from the Air Force. We have investments and savings and plans for the future. I can’t say the same about many of our peers. I know the statistics for retirement funds and the prediction that many won’t ever see any social security payments.

I still struggle and it’s sometimes in weird little ways. Some things still seem like an extravagance to me. I open a bag of sugar over the canister to catch every little grain. I can’t imagine not using every little scrap of paper on the roll. I don’t like wasting food.

Many of the jobs we had as teens aren’t available anymore because adults are hustling with side jobs for yard maintenance, delivery services, errand helpers, babysitters, pet sitters, anything to make a dollar. No one I know is willing to pay a teen if they can get an adult to do the same job, as if adults are more qualified or mature. Kids are losing skills, milestones, and transitions into adulthood.

We joke about people who are obviously wasteful or careless and say they’re certainly in a different tax bracket. Many of our neighbors have weekly cleaners and yard maintenance crews, but I could never bring myself to pay for those services. It’s astonishing to me that people will pay money for services to clean their garbage cans or pick up dog waste in their yards. With wealth, comes a lack of time, and an attitude of entitlement.

The Church

I have have been conflicted for years with what The Church and Christians say and think and pray about people living in poverty. They view charity as good deeds, like some point system they earn with God. During a Sunday school class one time, there was argument about giving money to panhandlers or beggars. “What if they just use the money for drugs or alcohol?” they kept asking and it just didn’t set well with me. I didn’t have the words then that I do now. I wasn’t strong enough to speak out then.

I taught a Sunday School class to other single moms with Crown Ministries on financial lessons. Oh, the irony. My partner teacher had some very different financial outlooks. She received social security payments for three disabled children. Her new husband received social security payments for his two kids because their mom had died. If she worked, her kids wouldn’t receive their disability payments. They supported seven kids on his income as a cable installer. She was very into the prosperity gospel and that concerned and confused me. When their cell phones got turned off for nonpayment, they just went to a different company and got new ones. This was a different financial perspective for me. I don’t think that’s what Jesus is about.

But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? 1 John 3:17

Don’t just give or buy a homeless person food. Just give them the money if you have it. You think you mean well but what you’re doing is taking away their autonomy and the ability to make choices for themselves. Don’t be performatist in your giving and brag about your charity. And don’t even get me started on the predatory practices of Dave Ramsey and his ilk.

The poor you will always have with you.

“What if they buy drugs and alcohol?” You buy drugs and alcohol with your money; what’s the difference? source

What they do isn’t your concern. Giving (freely and honoring their dignity) is your concern.

What can we do?

Society criminalizes the poor.

When I met my current husband, I was impressed by the stability being a military wife could offer. I also wanted my daughter rescued from her deadbeat dad. Moving out of state solved many of my personal and financial problems. My husband adopted my daughter and the child support and visitation rights were out of the picture. My credit improved with each cosigned purchase. We’ve dug ourselves in and out of debt several times with circumstances that seemed unavoidable – car repairs, vet services for our cats, trips home for dying parents. We’ve never made a late payment. The government has faced furlough several times, but we have always pulled through.

We are now as financially stable as I ever hoped to be.

I think our understanding of poverty is odd in Western society. I grew up having my needs met. I got things for Christmas and my birthday. I received good medical and dental care. There was constant upward mobility for my parents. I can see how far I have come with my own family in the last twenty years. I take for granted things now that I used to dream of having. That’s not poverty.

It took years for me to realize I have financial trauma and other trauma that affects how I make decisions.

I don’t think most people really grasp how low the federal minimum wage ($7.25) is. If you get charged $20 for a late fee, that’s almost three times the minimum wage. If you get an overdraft fee of $30, that’s over four hours (half a standard workday) of minimum wage labor.

Aidan Smith

Another interesting financial perspective was introduced to me at a Sunday school class when a young enlisted military family mentioned their WIC and Medicaid provisions were part of their income. I had never considered this idea before.

I think it’s quite upsetting that military service members don’t earn a living wage. Many families struggle and everyone deserves better pay for their jobs.

Poverty isn’t just being homeless. Poverty isn’t just being on welfare. Poverty can be a mindset.

If you pay your employees so little that they require food stamps and Medicaid, you’re not a job creator, you’re mooching off the public dime. (and yes, the majority of people on public assistance are employed).

Dan Price

I hate how poverty is seen as personal failure rather than a societal one.

A parking space in downtown cities makes $27/hour. I, a real person with thoughts and feelings, capable of suffering, make less than a damn parking space.

posted multiple times on Twitter

My daughter left our home a year ago. She quit college. She got a full-time job as a caregiver to disabled adults. She seems happy with her independence. I’m proud of her. I’m also frightened that she is one little emergency or circumstance away from poverty, homelessness, financial disaster. She doesn’t make enough to save anything. If she gets sick and can’t work, she doesn’t get paid. I’ve helped her several times with car repairs and buying her groceries, gas, and medicine. I paid cash for her therapy the last couple months. I put her up in an extended stay when her roommates got COVID. She lost her dependent status and insurance when she turned 21. We are trying to help her figure out open enrollment insurance options. I worry all the time.

I realize this is a controversial take but maybe being one blown tire, one broken bone, or one paycheck away from homelessness & financial ruin at all times isn’t actually “freedom” the way we were raised to believe it is.

Libby Bakalar

Those in power aren’t really concerned about children or their schooling. It’s become obvious that school is just childcare so parents can be available to work.

When COVID-19 hit, so many couldn’t work or lost jobs and it was a desperate time for many who relied on steady income and never imagined struggling. Many faced eviction. Our country and world is in crisis.

Too many just want to “go back to normal” because they have never been affected negatively by social circumstances. They just want their restaurant food or fancy coffee concoction for their morning commute and their kids back in school so they don’t have to worry about childcare. I try to understand this. But I also feel that our society should shift priorities. There are answers if we just try a little harder. We can look to other successful countries for how they manage social needs.

We’re educating generations of children to lack empathy.

What kind of world are we creating, maintaining, leaving for future generations? Where is there hope if we’re just retaining the status quo and not striving for improvements?

when we say poverty is violent we don’t mean because we can’t afford luxury things, we mean watching our loved ones suffer from treatable diseases, not being able to properly care for ourselves without risking bankruptcy, having to work in the midst of life altering trauma.

L on Twitter

I see the boats, RVs, and SUVs in my neighbors’ driveways. I certainly don’t know their financial situations, but I wonder if they are just a couple paychecks away from disaster.

You are closer to being homeless than being a billionaire.

It’s surely the sign of a sick society when basic needs are seen as extravagance. We treat our youngest and oldest and the disabled as disposable.

People are getting complacent instead of angry. Gas prices are soaring. Rent is ridiculous and rising. Food costs are high and I’m seeing many independent restaurants closing.

I’m angry. Are you?

Resources:

What seems like an extravagance to you?

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How Does My Garden Grow?

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We’ve lived in this house for about five years now, purchased it two years ago after we realized we were staying and my husband retiring from the Air Force here.

I feel like it’s finally starting to feel like home.

The kids love to help me in the garden and enjoy the veggies and herbs we grow. We all love bird watching and seeing the wildlife in our backyard woods.

We’ve always rented and it’s so nice to finally have a place to call home and the kids can start to grow some roots figuratively and literally. We have no family and few friends and always feel like outsiders since we’ve moved around so frequently.

It took me over a year to get the front yard weed-free. We had so much crabgrass from all the years of neglect. Neighbors who have lived on this street for decades have stopped to compliment my hard work, that it’s never looked better.

It’s a stress reliever for me to work in my yard and garden. I love cutting the grass and digging in the dirt, weeding, all of it.

I’ve had the herb garden since our first year here. The oregano, chives, and sage does come back every year. I can’t seem to get hardy rosemary and my thyme didn’t come back this year, so I had to replace it. I buy parsley and basil every year. I keep fighting cilantro which does ok until I harvest some, then it seems to get mad and wilt or go to seed.

I have strawberries, some lettuces, and a rogue green bean! I transplanted my Russian sage and a trumpet vine on the other side of the fence.

I love gnomes, mushrooms, and frogs. I have lots of fun little statues around the garden.

My spiderwort is very happy this year! I also have a huge hellebore. I got some free Heucheras that are doing great. My lavender is coming back from winter. The irises and gladiolas won’t bloom, so I think they need more direct sunshine, so I will have to find another place for them. In early spring, we have lots of daffodils and hyacinths.

I have a small sun-loving garden in front of our wood pile, at the end of the driveway.

I got this lovely forsythia free from a Buy Nothing group. I bought two purple azaleas and transplanted some grape hyacinths from the yard. There’s also some forget-me-nots in there from seed that I hope aren’t choked out! It was so pretty when it bloomed.

I have two rose trees that were just given to me and I really hope they make it, but their roots were chopped pretty bad, so we will see.

I have three kinds of mint in a half barrel pot so it doesn’t take over. I have prolific lemon balm growing, so I may have to put that in another pot or thin it out.

I love, love, love roses and I wish I had a larger space for a magnificent rose garden.

I’ve had roses at every house I’ve lived in and it’s always sad to move and leave them. I hope they’re being loved and cared for by whoever lives in those homes now.

There was one rose already here when we moved in. I have acquired the others from our local Buy Nothing group and I’ve purchased two – a Blue Girl and Elizabeth. I also have lavender, mini irises, and a peony that has been transplanted for the third time and looks like it might finally be happy to bloom!

I also just ordered some allium that I think will look lovely poking up around the roses. They also are supposed to ward off pests.

I just read that white geraniums ward off Japanese beetles, so we will see if these work!

Here’s my first rose bloom this year – Blue Girl!

The backyard is a lot brighter after we had the walnut trees removed. We tilled the soil and fertilized it well. This is our second year with a nice little vegetable garden. We had a truckload of topsoil and compost delivered last month and that really helped!

I love the raised beds my husband made out of pallets. We have carrots, beets, radishes, bok choy, leeks, green onions, sweet onions. We have several kinds of sweet and hot peppers.

We have peas, potatoes, tomatoes, yellow squash, zucchini, eggplant, cucumbers, raspberries.

I plan to get in green beans and sweet potatoes this weekend.

In the far right corner, I am slowly building up a shade garden with more hostas, astilbe, bleeding hearts, lily of the valley, Solomon’s seal, and a little lacy Japanese maple.

The hostas were almost all here when we moved in. I have divided them and acquired more from our local Buy Nothing group.

This is the edge of our backyard fenceline and I love the birdbath from Lowe’s and plan to get a 4×4 to make a more permanent bird feeder.

I have a jungle on my deck. I bring all my houseplants outside for the summer and they love it!

I love annuals in pots that attract hummingbirds and also help to keep mosquitoes and wasps away.

Lots of houseplants were given to me from our Buy Nothing group. I also scout the clearance corners at Home Depot, Lowe’s, and Walmart.

The clearance section also a great way to get very cheap orchids and tropicals!

These two plants were crammed into one container and very unhappy and I think it was only $7 or $8. I separated them and they seem more cheerful alone.

My bathroom windowsill is full of orchids! I can never have too many. Many people don’t want them after the blooms fall off. Maybe they’re not interested in waiting for more blooms or think orchids are difficult to maintain. I don’t know. But I love them!

I’ve always loved geraniums on the front porch. I bring my big geraniums inside for the winter, and they’re happy under the dining room window, so these are about four years old!

So, the landlady replaced the front door and sidelights all of a sudden with no notice while my husband was deployed. She wanted me to paint it, inside and out but I refused. After she berated the poor contractors from Lowe’s who didn’t have the holes drilled for a deadbolt, she painted it herself, white. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with the old door, which was red, like the frame surround. I would have never chosen this plain door with plain windows! Now that we’ve bought the house, I plan to get a beautiful front door and sidelights someday.

We have a magnolia and redbud tree that the kids enjoy when they bloom.

I toy with removing the boxwoods and barberry from the front of the house, but they’re quite large and I worry it would be a huge job and mess up all the other plants. I think it’s odd that the boxwoods do great on one side and always look burnt and yellowed on the other side. I don’t think they get enough sun. I’m not sure what to replace them with, and I can’t afford replacement plants that large, so it would look silly with tiny plants.

We have a hedge of lovely lilacs in front of our garage.

I’m so, so proud of our little pollinator garden.

Coneflowers were already here and I have added hyssop, bee balm, salvia, milkweed, SO MUCH YARROW, dill, fennel, a passion vine, cardinalis, foxglove, black eyed susans.

I love how all the plants are getting established and seem happy.

I enjoy working in my yard and garden and I’m constantly moving and evaluating and adding. I can never just sit and not think about how I could change or update some part of it. I love how it’s growing every year!

How does your garden grow?

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Best Books of 2021

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I read a lot, like a lot a lot.

We do read alouds for our homeschool every morning and some evenings.

I always have several books on my Kindle app or nightstand or side table, throughout the house, really.

I love exploring new concepts in history or self-help and reading fiction with my kids.

I try to intersperse fun fiction reads. There are no fluffy, bad, or wrong books. There are just preferences.

I read lots of books. It tends to go in waves depending on what’s going on in my life, how busy we are, my moods and availability of library eBooks. I think I notice themes each year that help me grow and become a better person, wife, mom.

I tried and quit reading Gilead multiple times. I don’t like quitting, but I really loathed the book, the characters, and story. I couldn’t find any reason to finish. Some books I read in a single evening. Others take a few days or even weeks.

My Favorite Books I Read in 2021

Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation by Kristin Kobes Du Mez

A sweeping, revisionist history of the last seventy-five years of white evangelicalism, revealing how evangelicals have worked to replace the Jesus of the Gospels with an idol of rugged masculinity and Christian nationalism.

This was an enlightening book explaining many historical events and helped me make connections during my lifetime.

The Woman in the Window by A. J. Finn

It isn’t paranoia if it’s really happening . . .

Anna Fox lives alone—a recluse in her New York City home, unable to venture outside. She spends her day drinking wine (maybe too much), watching old movies, recalling happier times . . . and spying on her neighbors.

Then the Russells move into the house across the way: a father, a mother, their teenage son. The perfect family. But when Anna, gazing out her window one night, sees something she shouldn’t, her world begins to crumble—and its shocking secrets are laid bare.

What is real? What is imagined? Who is in danger? Who is in control? In this diabolically gripping thriller, no one—and nothing—is what it seems.

I really enjoyed this book and the film was ok too. I love Amy Adams and she did a great portrayal.

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

Somewhere out beyond the edge of the universe there is a library that contains an infinite number of books, each one the story of another reality. One tells the story of your life as it is, along with another book for the other life you could have lived if you had made a different choice at any point in your life. While we all wonder how our lives might have been, what if you had the chance to go to the library and see for yourself? Would any of these other lives truly be better?

I love, love, love all the books by Matt Haig and this one was very interesting and thought provoking. I have The Comfort Book on my list to read.

Here in the Real World by Sara Pennypacker

Ware can’t wait to spend summer “off in his own world”—dreaming of knights in the Middle Ages and generally being left alone. But then his parents sign him up for dreaded Rec camp, where he must endure Meaningful Social Interaction and whatever activities so-called “normal” kids do.

On his first day Ware meets Jolene, a tough, secretive girl planting a garden in the rubble of an abandoned church next to the camp. Soon he starts skipping Rec, creating a castle-like space of his own in the church lot.

Jolene scoffs, calling him a dreamer—he doesn’t live in the “real world” like she does. As different as Ware and Jolene are, though, they have one thing in common: for them, the lot is a refuge.

But when their sanctuary is threatened, Ware looks to the knights’ Code of Chivalry: Thou shalt do battle against unfairness wherever faced with it. Thou shalt be always the champion of the Right and Good—and vows to save the lot.

But what does a hero look like in real life? And what can two misfit kids do?

I love this author and this book was so, so sweet and lovely. We enjoyed the characters and were so sad when it ended.

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect, and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.

Discover the four types of difficult parents:

  • The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety
  • The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone
  • The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting
  • The rejecting parent is withdrawn, dismissive, and derogatory

This book was helpful for me understanding my parents and making sure not to make similar mistakes with my own children.

Wanderers by Chuck Wendig

A decadent rock star. A deeply religious radio host. A disgraced scientist. And a teenage girl who may be the world’s last hope. From the mind of Chuck Wendig comes an astonishing tapestry of humanity that Harlan Coben calls “a suspenseful, twisty, satisfying, surprising, thought-provoking epic.”

Shana wakes up one morning to discover her little sister in the grip of a strange malady. She appears to be sleepwalking. She cannot talk and cannot be woken up. And she is heading with inexorable determination to a destination that only she knows. But Shana and her sister are not alone. Soon they are joined by a flock of sleepwalkers from across America, on the same mysterious journey. And, like Shana, there are other “shepherds” who follow the flock to protect their friends and family on the long dark road ahead.

For on their journey, they will discover an America convulsed with terror and violence, where this apocalyptic epidemic proves less dangerous than the fear of it. As the rest of society collapses all around them—and an ultraviolent militia threatens to exterminate them—the fate of the sleepwalkers depends on unraveling the mystery behind the epidemic. The terrifying secret will either tear the nation apart—or bring the survivors together to remake a shattered world.

This was a prophetic book and very disturbing. Eye opening into the human condition.

Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang

Overwork is the new normal. Rest is something to do when the important things are done-but they are never done. Looking at different forms of rest, from sleep to vacation, Silicon Valley futurist and business consultant Alex Soojung-Kim Pang dispels the myth that the harder we work the better the outcome. He combines rigorous scientific research with a rich array of examples of writers, painters, and thinkers—from Darwin to Stephen King—to challenge our tendency to see work and relaxation as antithetical.

I am constantly searching for confirmation bias that we are counter-cultural in our seeking to be out of the rat race.

Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro

From her place in the store, Klara, an Artificial Friend with outstanding observational qualities, watches carefully the behaviour of those who come in to browse, and of those who pass in the street outside. She remains hopeful a customer will soon choose her, but when the possibility emerges that her circumstances may change for ever, Klara is warned not to invest too much in the promises of humans.

This book was very emotional. I am still disturbed by the ending and keep trying to figure it out in my head.

The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula K. Le Guin

In a near-future world beset by war, climate change, and overpopulation, Portland resident George Orr discovers that his dreams have the power to alter reality. Upon waking, the world he knew has become a strange, barely recognizable place, where only George has a clear memory of how it was before. Seeking escape from these “effective dreams,” George eventually turns to behavioral psychologist Dr. William Haber for a cure. But Haber has other ideas in mind.
 
Seeing the profound power of George’s dreams, Haber believes it must be harnessed for the greater good—no matter the cost. Soon, George is a pawn in Haber’s dangerous game, where the fate of humanity grows more imperiled with every waking hour.

Whew, this book gave me nightmares. It has stayed with me all year. So disturbing on many counts.

Recipes for a Sacred Life: True Stories and a Few Miracles by Rivvy Neshama

On a dark winter night with little to do, Rivvy Neshama took a “Find Your Highest Purpose” quiz. And the funny thing was, she found it: to live a sacred life. Problem was, she didn’t know how.

But she set out to learn. And in the weeks and months that followed, she began to remember and encounter all the people and experiences featured in this book—from her father’s jokes to her mother’s prayers, from Billie in Harlem to a stranger in Salzburg, and from warm tortillas to the humble oatmeal. Each became a story, like a recipe passed down, beginning with her mother and her simple toast to life.

I enjoyed reading these snippets of wisdom gleaned from seeking a sacred life.

A Patchwork Planet by Anne Tyler

Barnaby Gaitlin has been in trouble ever since adolescence. He had this habit of breaking into other people’s houses. It wasn’t the big loot he was after, like his teenage cohorts. It was just that he liked to read other people’s mail, pore over their family photo albums, and appropriate a few of their precious mementos.

I keep thinking about how real and relatable the characters are. I highlighted so many lovely phrases and wish I had more to the story.

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty

Alice Love is twenty-nine, crazy about her husband, and pregnant with her first child. So imagine Alice’s surprise when she comes to on the floor of a gym (a gym! She HATES the gym) and is whisked off to the hospital where she discovers the honeymoon is truly over—she’s getting divorced, she has three kids, and she’s actually 39 years old. Alice must reconstruct the events of a lost decade, and find out whether it’s possible to reconstruct her life at the same time. She has to figure out why her sister hardly talks to her, and how is it that she’s become one of those super skinny moms with really expensive clothes. Ultimately, Alice must discover whether forgetting is a blessing or a curse, and whether it’s possible to start over…

I just cannot quit thinking about this book. What would it be like if I forgot the last ten years? What if I could go back to then? Would I even really want to? But what could I incorporate about that younger, more innocent self into the jaded me right now?

What have you enjoyed reading recently?

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Linking up: Grammy’s Grid, Pinch of Joy, Anita Ojeda, Silverado, Random Musings, Mostly Blogging, OMHG, InstaEncouragements, Lou:Lou Girls, Suburbia, Jenerally Informed, Shelbee on the Edge, Anchored Abode, Soaring with Him, Note Me Happy, Being a Wordsmith, Cottage Market, Embracing the Unexpected, Pieced Pastimes, Answer is Choco, Stroll Thru Life, Ginger Snap, Ducks in a Row, Ridge Haven, Try it Like it, Slices of Life, Artful Mom, Moment with Franca, Momfessionals, Pam’s Party, Hubbard home, Create with Joy,

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Foodie Gift Guide

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My family and I love to cook and eat and cool gadgets often make our lives easier. Here are some fun gifts for people who love spending time in the kitchen or around the dining table.

We have certain kitchen essentials and have/had some fun cooking tools for our kids when they were little.

We don’t really care for many unitaskers or any multicookers. I actually enjoy cooking and my counters are already cluttered enough. I want good quality tools that are functional and beautiful that will last a long time.

We love good food and good wine. Dinner each evening is a feast.

Gift Guide for Foodies

Pepper Mill

I love this pepper mill because it’s easy to turn and refill. It gives lovely coarse grinds.

Whipped Cream Dispenser

We love, love, love this whipped cream dispenser, especially during holiday dessert season! I love making my own whipped cream with natural ingredients and flavors.

Kitchen Torch

I never thought I would like, use, or need a torch in the kitchen, but it comes in handy for more than just  crème brûlée!

Milk Frother

I have a microwave frother but I also love my electric frother and battery frother. We can use the flavored Silk almond creams or regular whole milk, cream, or half and half.

Dehydrator

It comes in handy to dehydrate foods when we garden and can’t eat everything right away. Also fun to make homemade fruit rollups or gummy snacks from fresh fruit! Loads of uses.

Food Sealer

We like our Food Saver, but we may get this Zwilling system. We like to marinate meats with no spilling. I often separate bulk buys into servings for our deep freezer. I need to remember to label everything!

Wine Opener

There are some fancy and expensive wine openers out there, but this is still my favorite wine opener! The electric ones worry me and my husband loves his waiter’s corkscrew from Laguiole from our last trip to Paris. This is easy to use and doesn’t hurt my hands or break the corks.

Wine aerator

We like aerating our red wines and the more complex white wines either directly into glasses or into a decanter for better and fuller flavor. This wine aerator is simple to use and easy to clean.

Decanter

We love our glass decanters to air our red wines and make pouring without spilling easier. And they’re pretty on the table!

Vacuum bottle sealer

We don’t often have leftover wine or soda, but these vacuum pump sealers work wonders to save it fresh. They can then last up to a week!

Wine Storage

We have a simple wine rack in our basement where the temperature is always cool. I also like this wine cabinet for our dining room. We have two!

Wine Books

Wine and cocktail books are great for learning about how to pair wine with food or discovering what you love!

Also, fun cookbooks are great gifts!

Specialty Glassware

I bought an engraved whisky glass for my husband last year and he loves it!

Fun wine glasses with cute sayings or insulated/unbreakable cups for picnics or backyard entertaining are popular.

Food gifts or subscriptions

I am always excited to receive a bottle of whisky or wine.

Cheese or salami is always welcome!

I love gourmet chocolate with fancy unique ingredients. My favorite is saffron!

One year, my husband game me an olive oil of the month subscription.

We’re excited to see fun food Advent calendars in our local grocery stores – cheese, wine, beer. These make great gifts or fun to try new flavors.

Wine

Firstleaf wine gifts are versatile and they can customize which wines they prefer – sweet or dry, sparkling, white, rosé, or red.

My husband and I gave ourselves a Firstleaf subscription last year. It’s been a fun adventure!

Seafood

KnowSeafood gifts or subscription for the seafood lovers! We live in Dayton, Ohio, and finding good affordable fresh seafood is difficult. We love, love, love the selection and quality at KnowSeafood!

What’s your favorite foodie find?

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Teen Jobs

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My eldest child began college at age 16 and it was perhaps a little bit too soon for her. I encouraged her but she felt trapped into that life and didn’t enjoy it. She got a part-time job and had some bad experiences with employers exploiting her and sexual harassment that went unpunished. I worried since she had completed our homeschool that she needed to spend her time wisely. Maybe I should have let her lie around and do nothing instead of pushing her to be more productive.

She worked as a grocery cashier at a national chain, clerk at a tennis center, a local casual restaurant hostess, at a Halloween shop, as a bank teller, and now as a caregiver to disabled adults.

She is now living on her own, sharing an apartment with friends. She quit college and works full-time and I hope she’s happy. She just turned 21. It hurts me that she chose to do this. I wish I still had options to help her. I wish she was still on our family health insurance plan. I pray she doesn’t fall into debt or have an accident or illness.

But if I could back, I would be kinder to my daughter instead of pushing and challenging. If I knew then what I know now.

We are experiencing a vast shift where employees are protesting poor working conditions. I know that young people and those presenting as females are often treated worse in the workplace and I do worry for my kids. My eldest tells us horrible stories about her own work experiences and that of her friends and how they are not protected or helped by management. I worry my middle daughter won’t be treated well and won’t speak up. I am so anxious.

It irritates me how difficult it is to find entry level jobs. The requirements and preferences of employers frustrates me. Most potential employees have little experience or higher education or certification. How do these employers expect to hire people if they require so much for so little pay and often poor working conditions?

Why can’t cashiers have chairs? Who is it disrespecting? Why are so many shoppers angry and belligerent?

It also upsets me that so many career options are undervalued – beauty industry, cleaning, nursing, social work, teaching, secretarial work, child care, elderly care – typically women-centric jobs or “pink collar” that bring little pay and offer poor work conditions. Our society must think these jobs aren’t important. This past couple years certainly has brought to the forefront of our newsfeeds the lack of respect for food service and caregiving careers. These workers seem invisible unless they do an exceptional job with a smile for very little pay. I think it’s awful now that college isn’t even an answer to a good job. I have a master’s degree and that’s not even special anymore.

I worked nonstop from age 16 until I was 30. I had some horrible experiences. I didn’t know any better. Bosses and coworkers were often very abusive, but I had little recourse or knowledge of workers rights. I went to college full-time, beginning with skipping my senior year of high school, including summers. I never had a break. I do not recommend this.

My parents are Silent Generation and I am GenX and that’s a bizarre combo. My dad would make very unfunny gibes about owning me and all that I owed him for the expenses he incurred while raising me.

When I quit work with the birth of my second child, I was quite lost and didn’t know how to rest. That mindset is damaging. The pressure to become a SuperMom is overwhelming. I’ve learned to balance better and I want that peace for my kids.

I wish I hadn’t been such a coward. I wish I had been encouraged to speak up, to take risks, to rest, to quit.

We are not what we produce. We are whole and complete and we deserve rest.

Where are the Teen Jobs?

I feel that teens are exploited since many adults aren’t willing to work under the current conditions. Many adults juggle child care and/or elderly care that employers aren’t willing to work around or pay enough to cover those expenses. My daughters are working hard and picking up extra shifts when people call in.

But I’m not raising kids to maintain the status quo. I want them to be respected on the job. I want them to rest when they need to, not having to grow up too fast to join the adult world. I want improvements to workers rights and minimum wage. I am so, so sorry for the apathy of my generation that we didn’t fight for more change.

There are some options for teens to work part time for pay. There doesn’t seem to be as many options as when I was a teenager.

In July 1986, 57 percent of sixteen- to nineteen-year-olds were employed; in July 2017 only 36 percent worked.

Thrivers by Michele Borba

I did babysitting from the age of 12 when I went through a course with Girl Scouts. I worked at McDonald’s at age 16, Pizza Hut, a drugstore, Media Play (remember that place?), then as a secretary through college. I was able to do substitute teaching and after school care during college also. I taught full time in various schools. I was an adjunct English professor. I worked in a day spa. I occasionally tutored after my kids were born. I just don’t have time for side hustles anymore, and thankfully I don’t have to work.

My husband did lawn care during summers. He also did various farm chores from childhood for pay or volunteer. He grew up about an hour south of Chicago on three acres surrounded by farms.

My two daughters did babysitting, but they found many parents don’t want to pay even minimum wage and expected way too much and often felt unsafe in their homes.

My middle daughter got paid well for pet sitting the last couple years with a few families during the holidays.

We have a neighbor boy who does lawn care on our street, but many families in our city hire professional house cleaners and lawn maintenance companies.

One of my children wants to sell their art online, either stickers or something similar.

Many fast food restaurants are hiring as young as 14.

Typically, many shops and restaurants will hire teens beginning at age 16.

I wonder if some businesses just don’t want to deal with the child labor laws affecting minors.

Every state is different, but most stores seem to hire only adults over age 18. This makes it more difficult for teens to get experience or work after school and during summers.

My second child just got a part-time job as a bagger/cashier at a local privately-owned grocery, but I worry she will regret it. She’s so tired all the time. She wanted to start working soon, but maybe not this soon. She’s 15 1/2. I worry she might be treated poorly and not know to recognize it or what to do. She has plans and goals and ambitions. She wants a car and flying lessons and to travel the world.

I’m thrilled for her and I do believe that money can and will open doors – but at what cost?

If you think it’s good for kids to get “life experience” by working long shifts for $7.25 an hour, what kind of life do you want to prepare them for, exactly?

Joshua Potash

I just want my kids to be healthy, safe, protected. They do not have to work until they’re on their own. I provide all their needs and most of their wants. They have education investment funds for higher learning. I don’t want them to feel guilt or shame like I did that I spend so much money to give them a good start in the world. I am blessed to be able to do so.

I encourage my kids to volunteer or find part-time or temporary jobs that will help them learn skills for the future, but only if they want to. We are in a position that we can help our kids if they want to do summer internships. Sometimes, people need jobs just to make money to pay the bills. The idea of a career or dream job can seem far away. They have plenty of time.

My kids are super helpful with home maintenance and chores. They love to learn about cleaning and fixing things. I love having companionship and help.

I wish I could say this to myself and to my children:

My dear teenager, you do not have to work. You do not have to get a part-time job.

There is no need for you to struggle or hustle and grind.

You do not have to enter the adult world just yet.

Play in the woods.

Read the manga.

Jump in the leaf pile.

Draw the picture.

Watch Netflix.

Play videogames.

Collect cards.

Play the guitar.

Sleep in late.

Go to bed late.

Eat when you want.

Go to the bathroom when you need.

Lie around in your pajamas all day.

Dream of what you want to be when you grow up.

Keep on learning.

Stay a child a little longer.

Don’t grow up just yet.

My husband retires next year after twenty years in the Air Force, and he is anxious about that transition. It’s laughable that there are so many jobs available that he is overqualified for or that require a Ph.D., but the pay is less that what he makes now.

To make a living is not to make a killing; it’s to have enough.

Wendell Berry

I pray that worker conditions improve and minimum wages are raised to a livable income. I fear for our society if the status quo remains.

It’s not just the entry level jobs that are desperate. It’s the entire economy. The job market is falling apart. The media complains that no one wants to work. Of course no one wants to work! The work conditions are abhorrent. And what about the 700,000+ workers who have died from COVID-19 complications? Surely many, if not all of them, worked somewhere. Until the work conditions change to reflect valuing and respecting lives, our society will not improve.

One reason I love the wave of people quitting and the wave of strikes is that every time someone walks away from a paycheck or withholds their labor is a leap of faith that things can be better. And when people take that leap incredible things start to happen.

Joshua Potash

Most of us want to work. We are designed for work. When we have to work to live, yet never seem to keep our head above water, we lose sight of working for the sheer joy of producing enough to live and having balance. Our capitalist society has pushed, pushed, pushed us to the breaking point that bigger, better, faster, more, better is never enough.

I ask myself, my husband, and my kids: what would you do for work if money were not an option?

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Linking up: Grammy’s Grid, Eclectic Red Barn, Silverado, Pinch of Joy, Random Musings, Create with Joy, Stroll Thru Life, Jenerally Informed, Suburbia, LouLou Girls, InstaEncouragments, Penny’s Passion, Try it Like it, Shelbee on the Edge, Debbie Kitterman, Soaring with Him, Slices of Life, Anita Ojeda, Fluster Buster, Ridge Haven, Thistle Key Lane, Ducks in a Row, GingerSnap, Anchored Abode, Modern Monticello, Artful Mom, Being a Wordsmith, Imparting Grace, Cottage Market, Hubbard Home, Answer is Choco, OMHG, Momfessionals, CWJ, Moment with Franca, Pieced Pastimes, Pam’s Party, Mostly Blogging,

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Halloween with Teens

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This last year and a half has been difficult and with the stress of living through a global pandemic, I realize my kids are growing up and outgrowing some fun kids activities right under my nose.

Autumn is my favorite time of year.

We didn’t go trick or treating for Halloween last year, even though lots of our neighbors did. We didn’t turn on our light or set out candy and the kids and I cringed every time our doorbell rang anyway. I worried we would get egged or TP’ed or some other vandalism, but we were trying to follow health guidelines in spite of everyone else. It was a long, rough night.

We tried to celebrate Christmas last year and make it special. I love having teens and watching them grow, but it is bittersweet seeing the last semblance of their childhoods fade away.

It looks like this year will be more of the same. I’m sad and I’m seeking ways to make our average days special and give us all something to look forward to. We are all depressed and worried and stressed and wondering if there will be an end in sight for the pandemic and tragic world events.

We did attend a few outdoor events when we thought it might become safer – before it was a reality that the Delta variant and COVID were still rampant. We are lucky we are healthy.

We’re still masking and distancing while it seems much of the rest of the world is moving on, going “back to normal.”

Two of my daughters have had close calls with coworkers and friend’s family members testing positive.

My son hardly eats as fall baseball is canceled and he has lost any social interaction we were able to continue. I have watched my happy go lucky little boy turn into a sad-eyed young man in a year.

Our kids will never fully recover from the stress of this era, most of which was preventable.

I’m desperate to find activities we can do in our home as a family that keep us occupied, take our minds off the catastrophes for a little while.

Halloween with Teens

My kids actually like being together and I love to see it!

How do we create opportunities to look forward to something?

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Celebrating Autumn

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September is a time to welcome harvest, say goodbye to summer for good even if temps are still warm, welcoming fall.

I think everyone has a favorite season and I have always loved autumn, the scents or decaying leaves, the breezes that transition into crisp licks from summer warmth. I look forward to boots and sweaters and all the beautiful colors.

It seems that summer continues longer and then Halloween keeps creeping up, so I have barely a few days to actually enjoy autumn.

I love setting out my ceramic pumpkins on the brick hearth and my little velvet ones on the mantle. I switch out my front door wreath to one with leaves and pinecones. I have fall tablecloths and towels.

Celebrate the Autumnal Equinox around the 23rd of September.

The word equinox is from Latin, meaning “equal night.” 

The autumn equinox is called Mabon, or Second Harvest, is one of the sacred Celtic celebrations, which date back to ancient times. It’s a time to give thanks for the summer and to pay tribute to the coming darkness.

Thanksgiving, the Moon Festival, Higan, Sukkot, Diwali, and many other fall festivals also hit upon themes of light, darkness, change, plenty, gratitude, and community.

According to legend, a feathered serpent deity named Kukulcan visits the Maya city of Chichen Itza every equinox. On both the vernal and autumnal equinox, crowds gather to watch as a snake-like shadow slides down the god’s namesake pyramid.

Fall festivals of the equinox often involve themes:

  • balancing opposites, especially the scientific, aesthetic, and symbolic senses of light and darkness in balance
  • food, plenty, and gratitude
  • building and celebrating community through sharing food and labor
  • preparing for winter practically, emotionally, and spiritually

Celebrating Autumn

Apples are a great September theme.

Pomona was a Roman goddess who was the keeper of orchards and fruit trees.

Here are a few verses perfect for Autumn (from A Beautiful Childhood):

  • Harvest. This is a sweet poem that you can bring to life with some simple actions: “Blow, wind, blow! and go, mill, go! that the miller may grind his corn; that the baker may take it, and into bread make it, and bring us a loaf in the morn. When the wind drops, so the mill stops; when the wind blows, so the mill goes, going: ‘clickety-clacketyclickety-clackety-clickety-clacketyclickety-clack.”
  • Seeds. Tell this poem slowly whilst doing actions with your hands: “A little seed for me to sow, a little earth to make it grow, a little dig, a little pat, a little wish, and that is that. A little sun, a little shower, a little wait, and then… a flower!”
  • Wind / leaves. There are so many similar to this but I love this one, again it could easily be brought to life with a few simple hand gestures: “Come, little leaves,” said the wind one day; Come over the meadows with me and play; Put on your dresses of red and gold; For summer is gone, and the days grow cold. Soon as the leaves heard the wind’s loud call, Down they came fluttering, one and all; Over the fields they danced and flew, Singing the soft little songs they knew. Dancing and whirling the little leaves went; Winter had called them and they were content; Soon, fast asleep in their earthy beds, The snow laid a coverlet over their heads.”
  • Apples. You can cut an apple in half to see the “star” inside and tell this poem / sing this song:  “My nice red rosy apple, has a secret hid unseen. You’d see if you could slip inside, five rooms so neat and clean. In each room there are living, two pips so shiny bright. Asleep they are a-dreaming, of lovely warm sunlight. And sometimes they are dreaming, of things that are to be. For soon they will be hanging, upon a Christmas tree.”

Books

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What’s your favorite thing about autumn?

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Consent

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Teaching consent to our kids is one of the most important lessons.

We should begin practicing and teaching consent with babies, but it’s never too late.

Gentle and respectful parenting is about consent and respecting kids as the people they are – with needs, preferences, and desires just like adults.

Even though I had little autonomy as a child, teen, or even young adult, I want to do better with my kids and model and teach them consent in all their relationships.

I didn’t do the greatest as a gentle parent until about ten years ago, so my eldest got the brunt of my outgrowing my own childishness and trauma. My middle two kids don’t have much memory of the bad times and my youngest is the healthiest by far.

Consent and control cannot coexist.

I find myself constantly reevaluating how I can show respect to my children.

I have edited and updated my blog and social media to exclude photos and stories about my children than they would rather I not share. I don’t post photos of my kids without their consent anymore. I do not share explicit stories about my kids’ troubles or our family troubles without clearing it with my family first. Yes, I think some info is helpful to others who may face the same issues, but it’s a touchy subject and I should use discretion.

Kids are not a hashtag nor should they be exploited online for clicks, likes, clout.

What does teaching and modeling consent look like?

Pets

Having pets or access to pets is a great way to model and teach consent. Animals surely let us know when they are done with us or don’t like something.

We teach even our youngest kids how to gently pet the cat, to be quiet and less sudden so as not to scare the cat. Kids learn about pets’ eating and bathroom habits and how to leave them alone to do that. This is easily transferrable to people and respecting their space.

Some pets are more anxious than others and it’s important not to leave very young kids alone with animals, even if you think you know them well.

Infants

Since infants don’t have any autonomy and can only make eye contact and sounds, it’s important to speak to our babies and narrate what we are doing to their bodies so they can begin to understand that we care for them with love and respect.

We can gently tell our babies that we are picking them up so they associate the words with the action. We can inform them that it is time for a diaper change. We can explain that we need to gently wipe nose, mouth, face. We can make it a game to undress or dress for bathtime or changing time as we talk about body parts that we tuck into sleeves or massage with oils.

Toddlers

This is probably a difficult time but oh, so important to model and discuss consent.

Toddlers learn and love the word, “No!” and use it often. It’s very upsetting to buckle a child into a carseat when she doesn’t want to do that.

We teach that NO is never a game. No means NO. We stop tickling or wrestling or playing and we teach new ways to play games like Freeze Tag or Red Light Green Light without making No a game or funny word.

Many times, the toddler doesn’t want to stop what he’s doing to get the diaper changed. We have to give firm choices of only two options like, now or after this song. We can explain that it’s important for health and everyone’s happiness that carseats are always used and diapers are changed. We as adults might need to be more flexible and allow more time or change of plans if the child is unwilling or needs to wait.

Kids know if they’re hot or cold and it’s wise to take extra clothing along just in case. And they will often realize they need that coat or hat after all in a few minutes. Children know when they’re hungry so it’s wise not to coax them to eat more and not listen to their bodies. When they get sleepy, it’s often needed to be patient and close by with young kids who are learning how to self-soothe. We can give kids agency by offering choices like what story to read at bedtime or what snack to have.

Much of consent with toddlers is teaching the concepts of body, space, and touch. Also, showing empathy to kids and modeling emotional intelligence instead of distracting from healthy emotions, even if we as a society view those feelings as negative or uncomfortable. When a child falls or gets hurt, we can express that we understand. We are here. We permit the tears so they can move on from the pain, whether physical or embarrassment or both.

Elementary

Once kids reach school age, it’s easier to communicate and impart another’s viewpoint. Kids are naturally empathetic and want to please.

Kids need to learn the difference between secrets and surprises. We have to model and teach safety to young kids so they know there should be no secrets. Teaching kids blind obedience opens up ways for abuse if they have no outlet to question or negotiate. Bodies are our own and we don’t owe anyone hugs, kisses, fist bumps, handshakes, or any contact at all. As parents, we must protect our kids from overreaching family members and friends who do not understand this.

Kids learn personal space and respect by seeing it modeled by the adults they trust. Teaching boundaries is essential. Learning about tone of voice and body language becomes important.

I speak firmly and clearly to my kids when I need a moment and they learn that I am nearby and they are safe. They learn that people have needs to be alone or together, quiet or loud, at different times.

Interruptions are harsh for kids, so it’s wise to give warnings about cleaning up and getting ready a few minutes beforehand. I also like to help my kids with overwhelming chores so they don’t feel so lost and get discouraged.

Tweens

Please do not wait until kids are over ten to discuss sex ed. This should be an ongoing conversation and surely kids are curious about some aspects as young as toddlers and preschoolers. If you have triggers or hangups about sex, you need to work to overcome that so you can discuss the hard topics with your kids.

Consent is so much more than just about sex.

Even if the concept of consent is newer to you or you didn’t model it so well with the kids when they were younger, you can make up for the lost time and start anew.

I’m learning and growing alongside my kids and reading, reading, reading so much as preview and with my kids now.

It’s important to be open to messy conversations about relationships, dating, and sex. It’s certainly time to discuss sexual harassment and assault. We need to discuss substance use and abuse and its role in consent.

We can practice responses about boundaries so kids have an internal script.

We watch shows together that often have cringey scenes and we discuss why and what should be different. They don’t really like to see violence or sex on screen and I try to brace them if the show is still good enough and only has a few scenes that forward the story line.

Teens

It’s go time.

Everything we have done as parents is now being tested out in the real world. We cannot be there as a protective parent all the time anymore, and that is oh, so scary.

Teens are exploring and navigating relationships outside the family, with friends and potential significant others.

It’s important that we as parents stand by as guides and not judges. By building trust, we are here to help our teens work out issues in their relationships and help them make wise decisions.

Consent isn’t just for straight boys. We need to help our kids understand the importance of consent in all their interactions and relationships. It’s about more than just sex.

We need to have hard conversations with our kids and if sex cannot be discussed with proper words for body parts and functions, then no one should be doing it.

There needs to be clear verbal consent each and every time there is any intimacy.

It might be a good time for self-defense classes.

Adults

The human brain isn’t fully developed until about age 25.

Hopefully, young adults grow in wisdom and respect and model healthy relationships to those around them.

With so many different kinds of relationships being acceptable, it’s super important to be clear with consent and boundaries.

I’m still modeling consent and having conversations with my eldest child who is about to turn 21.

I’m rather glad I don’t have to navigate the dating scene anymore and I’m worried for my four kids and what they may encounter and how they can handle it.

As parents, we need to protect young ones from overreaching adults – family members, friends, and acquaintances who may overstep and demand contact that our kids aren’t interested or ready for. Our kids don’t owe anyone access to their bodies – not grandpa, grandma, aunts, uncles, or the elderly at church.

I’ve found myself becoming hyper-aware of adults invading kids’ space. Why did the eye doctor have to lean on my child’s knee to adjust the equipment or touch my son’s shirt in jest to make his inappropriate joke? I also notice when adults are very respectful and I make sure to thank them.

It’s important to set boundaries and continue to communicate clearly about needs.

Hopefully, we can help the next generations do even better with consent.

7 Ways to Teach YOUR children Consent without mentioning SEX by Lolo Cynthia.

  1. Teach Your Children To Say NO
  2. Respect Your Children’s NO
  3. Teach Your Children To ALWAYS ask for permission
  4. Get A Strong Positive Male Figure For Boy Children
  5. Teach Kids Not To Move People Out Of the Way With Their Hands
  6. Teach Kids Not To Give Out People’s Personal Information Without Permission
  7. Make every moment a teachable moment.

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Resources:

People misusing and abusing the word “grooming” are “creating confusion about what ‘grooming’ and child abuse actually entails, and when there’s confusion, it’s harder for adults to notice actual abuse and harder for kids to report.”

What does consent look like in your family?

Linking up: House on Silverado, Pinch of Joy, Eclectic Red Barn, Grammy’s Grid, Random Musings, Suburbia, Stroll Thru Life, Shelbee on the Edge, Across the Blvd, LouLou Girls, Jenerally Informed, OMHG, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Create with Joy, Thistle Key Lane, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Ducks in a Row, Anchored Abode, InstaEncouragements, Penny’s Passion, Eclectic Red Barn, Ridge Haven, Slices of Life, Try it Like it, Soaring with Him, Answer is Choco, Imparting Grace, Busy Being Jennifer, Being a Wordsmith, Pieced Pastimes, Momfessionals, Mostly Blogging,

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My Daily Must Haves

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I scrolled through several blogger posts about daily must haves.

Most days, I lounge around in comfy clothes and I don’t wear makeup every day.

Thinking about my restful daily schedule, I have a few necessities that make my life healthier and happier.

My Daily Must Haves

Yorkshire Gold Tea

I love my water cooker. I drink two big mugs of Yorkshire Gold Tea every morning with raw sugar and milk.

Google Pixel

I love Google calendar to stay organized with our family of 6. We color code everyone so I know who needs to be where. This phone has a great camera!

iPad Mini

I love the Kindle app and it helps me keep organized with library eBooks and homeschool reading.

Essential Oils

We love our essential oils and I use them for diffusing, tummyaches, headaches, skin ailments, sinus pressure, perfume. My favorite perfume is a blend of neroli and elemi with vanilla.

Vitamins and Supplements

We all take cod liver oil and multivitamins. I love the hair skin and nails blend. We do try to eat well with lots of vegetables, but these supplement our diet and help us have the daily energy we need to be healthy.

Reef Slippers

I love, love, love my Reef flip flops. I have an old pair I wear around indoors during summer and several pretty pairs to wear when I go out.

Brow Gel

I love e.l.f Wow Brow Gel since I’ve noticed I have little white brow hairs! How rude of them to go all Andy Rooney.

What are your daily must haves?

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