Dealing with Defiance

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April 11, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

He just turned three.

And with this birthday comes an undesirable.

Defiance.

I plan to nip it in the bud.

I noticed the defiance and feared it when we were potty training a month or so ago.

We took the Pull-Ups away during the day. We bought cute Diego and Cars underwear.

It was time, I said.

I didn’t want a three year old still in diapers.

Yet he still wet his pants.

He had tantrums about sitting on the toilet, with a little Cars potty seat insert, even going toward the bathroom. We even bought a plastic urinal. Yes, we did. He wouldn’t use that either.

He understood the whole concept of where the waste goes: in the toilet.

When questioned about why he still wet his pants, he answered defiantly:

“’Cuz I said yes. ‘Cuz I want to.”

OK, little boy.

I prayed. I cajoled. I bribed. Nothing doing.

Then, a couple successes and the cheers and hugs and kisses.

He seemed embarrassed by the attention.

But he decided it was better than the previous battle.

Whew!

And now, this defiance last week…

Me: “We keep our shoes on at church. Say ‘yes, ma’am.’”

Alex: shakes head. sticks lip out and tucks chin on his chest.

Me: “Say ‘yes, ma’am,’ please.”

Alex: “I don’t want to.”

Me: “Say ‘yes, ma’am’ so we can go eat and play.”

Alex: shakes head. lip out. “I don’t want to!”

So, I take him into the sanctuary. I ask him questions.

Me: “Do you love Jesus?”

He shakes his head.

Me: “Do you see that up on the wall?”

He nods.

Me: “Do you know what it is?”

He nods. “Cross.”

Me: “Do you know Who was on it?”

Alex: “Jesus.”

Me: “Do you know why Jesus was on the cross?”

He shakes his head. (and apparently I need to step up his Christian education!)

So I explain the Gospel to Alex.

I know it must be difficult for him to understand because many adults struggle to comprehend.

We hold hands. I pray aloud in the dark sanctuary, alone, with Alex and Jesus. I pray for His help to soften Alex’s heart, to help him be obedient, to love Jesus. I pray for His help in parenting, for patience and for me not to crush this little boy’s spirit over a pair of shoes.

He still won’t say “yes ma’am” to me.

My husband comes in and admonishes Alex and offers to take over, but this is a battle about shoes for Alex’s soul and I will win it.

He still won’t say “yes ma’am.”

I ask my husband to please carry Alex to the van.

On the way out, I tell Elizabeth to go to the van too, since she lied about completing her daily assignments. Oh, I’m working out everything tonight! No one is getting away with defiance anymore!

We get home and Liz and Alex change into their pajamas. I lay out the dinner that my husband quickly had packed up for us from the church.

We sit in silence.

Alex still won’t say “yes ma’am.”

At least Elizabeth is contrite about the assignments. She completed one the second she walked in the door. She finished another two after we ate. {Then I realize she lied about other assignments. No more trust. This is another story.}

I can see Alex itching to pick up his fork. I calmly watch him. He tucks his chin and mumbles, “yes ma’am.”

We may eat.

Hallelujah!

He was so compliant and cheerful the rest of the evening!

I am glad I didn’t get angry.

I remained calm to teach him this lesson. I won’t have rebellious children. I am fighting a spiritual battle.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.
~John 15:1-17

Some of you may disagree with my parenting methods.

But I realize that my leniency with Elizabeth when she was younger is coming back to bite me now.

I also know that training Alex while he is young will make everyone happier later on. He’s just a little boy.

He will soon be a big boy, and then a man.

I don’t want him to be disrespectful or a slacker. I want him to grow up and do radical things for God and he needs to learn a love for Jesus and obedience to his parents now. Something told my spirit that the silly little battle over his taking off his shoes was a milestone in his behavior training. I do pick and choose my battles. Often things don’t matter, but absolute defiance is inappropriate and needs to be pruned.

If some of the branches have been broken off, and you, though a wild olive shoot, have been grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing sap from the olive root, do not consider yourself to be superior to those other branches. If you do, consider this: You do not support the root, but the root supports you. You will say then, “Branches were broken off so that I could be grafted in.” Granted. But they were broken off because of unbelief, and you stand by faith. Do not be arrogant, but tremble. For if God did not spare the natural branches, he will not spare you either.
Consider therefore the kindness and sternness of God: sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided that you continue in his kindness. Otherwise, you also will be cut off. And if they do not persist in unbelief, they will be grafted in, for God is able to graft them in again. After all, if you were cut out of an olive tree that is wild by nature, and contrary to nature were grafted into a cultivated olive tree, how much more readily will these, the natural branches, be grafted into their own olive tree!
~Romans 11:17-24

I want to lead my family like Jesus. I recommend this book. I teach it to my Sunday school class. It’s full of great stories from real Godly parents who desire to teach their kids Godly values just like us. There is but one priority: to glorify God.

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Toilet Training

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February 28, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert 1 Comment

Ah, the joys and fun of potty-training.

Great memories, yeah?

Nah, not so much for me either.

Day care trained my eldest daughter whilst I was away at work, oblivious, and happily teaching critical thinking, and sometimes literature, grammar, and writing, to middle school students.

My eldest, for the most part, trained her two sisters. I really cannot take much of the credit. She was amazing at it. I don’t think it took more than a couple days of diligence, along with some M&M’s and bubble gum.

And then there is Alex. The Boy. Boys are different, they say.

Over these last few months, I have read numerous articles and blog posts about potty-training. I’ve pinned some brilliant wisdom on how to boot-camp potty-train toddlers in one day with stickers, candy, junk food, Kool-Aid, nudity, running around and cheering, and pretending with dolls and teddy bears.

One blogger had this nugget which I do agree with whole-heartedly (paraphrased): “Readiness and interest are not the same things. Don’t wait for the child to be ready. Wait for signs of readiness, but make sure it’s before age 3 or he’ll get set in his ways. Then it’s harder.” All this sums up what I now know.

The children don’t necessarily need “training.” The parents are being trained to be absolute clowns.

I thought it was high time that Alex quit wearing Pull-Ups and used the toilet. He turns 3 on April 1.

We experienced fierce resistance. Alex had no desire whatsoever to transition to “big boy” status. When we put the idea to him, he gave an adamant “No.” He did not want to use The Bathroom, The Toilet, The Potty, or any other allusion to That Place under any circumstances. There were tantrums if we even suggested it.

He completely intellectually understood the concept of urinating into a toilet. He had watched me, his father, and all three sisters use the toilet numerous times in almost three years. He “got” it. He could tell anyone who asked where certain bodily functions should take place: The Bathroom. The Toilet. Not The Pants.

But he refused.

When questioned why he wouldn’t use The Toilet…His epic answer: “Cuz I said: I don’t want to.”

And there you have it.

The Bathroom was enemy territory.

I persevered. I had packs and packs of cute and colorful boy underwear at the ready. He liked those and didn’t want to wear Pull-Ups anymore. But he wouldn’t use The Toilet.

For several weeks (my husband claims an entire month of the ordeal – and it feels like years), Alex just wet himself.

It was like having a puppy.

A puppy who wore Diego and Cars underpants and swishy pants who needed changing 10 times a day. And lots of Kids n Pets carpet cleaner. That created lots of extra laundry.

We have a little plastic Cars toilet seat that’s toddler-butt-sized and fits over a standard toilet seat. We even bought a plastic stand alone urinal.

Yes, you read that right.

It remains unused and is now rather dusty.

We got over the tantrums about The Toilet sometime last week. We have 4 bathrooms. He would only consider using the one near the kitchen. We placed his Cars toilet seat in there. He would occasionally acquiesce and sit on the thing and even released an occasional drop of urine to appease us – or fool us.

Then five minutes later, he would be standing in a puddle. On carpet.

Not even the quip of “Pants are a privilege!” prevailed. Can’t imagine where he gets that stubborn streak…{whistling and looking away}

At about the time his sisters, his father, and I were at our wits’ end…and I was ready to give up and just go back to Pull-Ups, something just “clicked.”

He was playing on the floor in the basement Monday evening and he just looked up at me. He said, very calmly, “I gotta go pee.”

I looked at his father and we both jumped up lightning fast (which we regretted later, being old and decrepit) and rushed Alex excitedly upstairs to where The Toilet was.

Magic.

And there has not been a single accident since. He even woke up this morning at 6:41, dry, and needing to run to The Toilet.

Thank You, God, I say.

Now, #2 is a whole different story.

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Valentine Sensory Bin

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February 6, 2013 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

Sweet Sisters on Valentine’s Day playing with our Valentine’s Sensory Bin…

Katie gave Tori:

A blue heart jewel for Valentine’s Day.

Blue is her favorite color.

It warms my heart when they play so sweetly together.
Follow Jennifer’s board Be My Valentine on Pinterest.

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Keep Calm

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December 27, 2012 By Jennifer Lambert 2 Comments

I’ve had many friends and acquaintances ask me recently about how calm my children are.

Is that a good thing?

Calm is not the point. Connected to self during any and every experience is the point. Can a child learn to be with themselves when they are anxious, happy, angry sad…? That’s the point. That’s emotional intelligence.
Lisa Dion

I know that my kids do get rambunctious, but they always seem to be calm and collected when it really counts. When other kids are ricocheting off the walls and their parents are embarrassedly hushing them and stage whispering threats, I am usually inwardly smiling at my kids’ stellar behavior.

See my Pinterest board on parenting. I am constantly learning. I am certainly no expert!

Whereas I find my friends’ compliments a great affirmation, I can’t take all the credit here.

I think most of us have intelligent, active kids. Society often teaches that we have to stifle their natural exuberance or break their wills.

I strive to have a great relationship with my children. They trust me. They know I want what’s best for them. I seek their opinion and strive to satisfy their needs and desires.

We’ve run the gamut with making sure our kids are healthy and productive.

Elizabeth was “off the charts” for ADHD when she was about 5-7. We went the medication route for about a year. She stopped eating. She is super skinny anyway, so that didn’t work for me at all. I looked into more natural ways to manage her moods and focus abilities. We changed our diet and started eating more naturally. If it has lots of unpronounceable ingredients, we rarely eat it.

Now, we do have healthier treats (without a lot of sugar and additives and dye!) but we occasionally eat things we shouldn’t. We use Annie’s mac and cheese rather than Kraft. We eat lots of fruits and vegetables. We buy the best meat, dairy, and eggs that we can afford. I limit the prepared snack items we keep on hand.

I rely on essential oils and dietary supplements for brain health.

Then, in my research, I discovered cod liver oil. I cannot praise its properties enough! The kids are calmer, more focused and attentive, complete their school work quicker than before. Some of this is that they are maturing and growing up these last few months, but I know the cod liver oil helps. Our kids love the Cinnamon Tingle flavor. I take the orange capsules. There’s no flavor, no aftertaste, and no reflux or burps.

We’ve taken this liquid multivitamin for years. I highly recommend a multivitamin since our diets are just never good enough. The kids have so much more energy when they take this daily. It’s worth the expense.

I also take Evening Primrose oil capsules and a multi-B complex in addition to cod liver oil every day. I try to take a multivitamin too, but I find if I remember to take my oils and B, I’m energetic enough.

Also? Our skin looks radiant.

We go outside lots for fresh air and sunshine. I think it helps the kids to be active and loud and act like children in the freedom of our back yard or the park. Daily walks help me too.

These essential oils are the ones we use daily.

Thieves oil maintains our immune systems. We rub it on our feet before bed. We rarely get infections now! When Tori recently got a cold, it was much less than previous years.

Lavender works wonders on the little cuts and scrapes and skin abrasions so common in kids. Alex and Tori have dry, sensitive skin and break out around their mouths periodically, but after a couple days of lavender oil, it’s all gone. Tori knows to dab it on herself when she starts breaking out. We also limit her milk intake.

Frankincense helps brain development and heightens spiritual awareness. There’s a reason it was a gift to Jesus and it is a precious substance. I put it on my face Sunday mornings before church. Tori loves the scent and often asks me to massage her face with it. It helps moisturize skin better than commercial products!

I use several happy oil blends like perfume every day to help me conquer negativity and moodiness. I have suffered from low grade depression since I was about 12. I can’t tell you how much better I feel since using these oils. I sometimes put oil blends on Tori to help her if she’s going to be experiencing a tough situation, like our church Christmas pageant. She’s painfully shy and it gives her strength to get through it.

I use a peaceful blend often on Kate to keep her from bouncing off the walls. I often use it in my bath water after a tough week (before you think: “Ew”…I shower daily, but I only get to lay in a bath weekly, if I’m lucky!).

Liz has come such a long way from when we were at our wits’ end with her lack of focus and hyperactivity. She is learning how to manage on her own and recognize her mood triggers and find memory helps to learn better. She is learning that when her blood sugar plummets, she needs to eat. Her attitude is affected.

Tori isn’t quite so much the space cadet with her supplements and oils. We’re learning what works best as she grows and matures.

Of course, prayer and mindfulness are also extremely important.

The things we do work well for our family. I don’t know what issues you may have with moods, behaviors, allergies, etc. I am not a doctor. I’m just a mom. These are just our experiences.

The kids often watch me and take my lead. If I stay calm and teach peace, they learn this and will practice it.

Calm is not the same as regulated.

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Unusual Occurrence

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November 21, 2012 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

I don’t see this often enough.

These two are my quarrelers.

With each other. With their sisters.

So, this is the sweetest moment.

Sharing.

Snuggling.

Silent.

Except for the sounds emitting from the iPad.

A moment of peace.

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Anger Management for Kids

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September 18, 2012 By Jennifer Lambert 2 Comments

I cannot tell you how excited I was to come across this anger management lesson!

We’ve been experiencing some anger issues with our girls and this was an answer to prayer!

I printed it all out and laminated the posters. We took three days to go over the posters and fill in the booklets. I went over it with all the children. Elizabeth should be too old at almost 12, but she needs it too! Alex is young at 2.5, but he understood a lot of it!

I used a dry erase board to write our strategies on for the little girls to copy. We did the lessons together on the floor so we could all feel equal and the girls used their lap desks. We also needed to stay close to Alex and help him with his activities. It worked out beautifully.

We first discussed finding healthy outlets for our anger.

Rather than using angry eyes or cutting (more often in tone) words. Honestly, these are our worst issues. I think that’s pretty good. We’ve gotten beyond the throwing and hitting and total out of control stuff for the most part. There is the occasional time that Alex and Katie really get into it, but it’s getting rarer.

Katie and Tori loved filling in the booklets and coloring the birds. Each bird represents some aspect of anger or a management tool. I love it!

We suggested some cool down methods.

She can draw a picture when she is really angry or she can rip up paper that we can designate for that purpose. Elizabeth had anger issues at this age too and she offered advice on how she overcame it. She still gets angry, but she’s so much better now that she’s older. Tori is usually so sweet, but she often irritates Katie, so it’s good she realizes that she can be a trigger.

Liz and Tori fill in their booklets and color their birds. We love visuals.

We really focused on peacemaking.

I used our Child Training Bible to go through the anger and quarreling sections and we learned that it’s ok to feel anger, but never to sin in anger. We talked about how anger just upsets the whole family if it’s not handled maturely.

Tori and Katie loved hearing the story of Jesus being angry and overturning the tables in the temple. They have been helping each other when they see the anger danger signs. They know their anger triggers and are learning how to deal with them without losing self-control.

We discussed cooling down.

Like how we can put ourselves in a time out by isolating ourselves from others if we can’t control our anger. We can go to our room or “bird’s nest” to calm down. If they need the “eagle” they know to get me (Mom) to help out.

We learned about forgiveness.

I often suggest to Katie that she go to her room to collect herself. This is not a punishment but a time to cool down and pray. She is learning and getting better at self-control. They have always been taught to pray to Jesus to help them forgive. They are so good at forgiving after calming down. It’s always the heat of the moment that they just get irritated with each other.

Katie has the more difficult time being the youngest girl and the little brother knows how to push her buttons and she reacts and gets very upset. She has been so much better these last few days since we went through this training.

All the kids are noticing anger danger signs and reminding each other not to use angry eyes or cutting words and to go to a bird’s nest if they need to cool down. It’s great to have these visuals for the kids to understand and associate with a much-loved game!

These printables helped us work through our feelings of anger!

Resources:

What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Problems With Anger (What-to-Do Guides for Kids Series) by Dawn Huebner
A Little SPOT of Anger: A Story About Managing BIG Emotions (Inspire to Create A Better You!) by Diane Alber
Anger Management Workbook for Kids: 50 Fun Activities to Help Children Stay Calm and Make Better Choices When They Feel Mad (Health and Wellness Workbooks for Kids) by Samantha Snowden, MA
Seeds and Trees: A children’s book about the power of words by Brandon Walden
When I Am Angry: Kids Books about Anger by Gordon Michael
I Feel Angry: Children’s picture book about anger management for kids age 3-5 by Aleks Harrison

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Improving Marriage

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July 24, 2012 By Jennifer Lambert 6 Comments

When my friend visited us last month, we had a heart to heart conversation about marriage and parenting.

You see, the last time we were together, she had all but lost hope in her marriage. But she held it together and made some changes and now her family is thriving. I’m so proud of her.

She explained the turnaround to me.

She began demanding that her children respect their father.

Sounds simpler than it is?

My friend’s family dynamics and mine are rather similar.

She makes all decisions in that household. Her primary motive was to save her children’s relationships with their father. She wanted to break the cycle of absent fathers that she and her husband had growing up. Her desire to do that saved their marriage and family.

My husband’s father passed away two and a half months after we were married. I know that this has permanently damaged him and he has no one to ask for advice about marriage or parenting. I try to remember this and take that into consideration. But it’s often hard. I’m naturally a leader and I do things my way. I don’t ask for advice.

My friend described how during the last few years, she has consistently required her three children to respect their father. Even their dog had to be re-trained! She said it was slow going at first, but now they’re all much happier and her husband feels important and needed. Affirmation. But my friend still makes all the decisions. Her husband just needed that affirmation. Love languages!

Encouragement, priorities, affirmation, relationships.

I know many Christian wives wholeheartedly throw themselves into the belief of the submissive help meet scenario of a wife to a husband. I’ve read all those books too. They really confused me. Some of those books were rather frightening. I think this is a greatly misunderstood area in Christian and secular circles. My mother and aunts and grandmothers and great aunts were all very dominant (domineering?) women. I come from a long line of strong matriarchs on both sides, so the whole meekness thing isn’t ingrained in me at all. Wives can be strong and make decisions – with the blessings of their husbands.

When I’ve attempted to discuss these marriage roles with my husband, he was confused too. He doesn’t want me to be submissive to him and he doesn’t want to dominate. He’d rather I make all the household decisions. He knows I can handle it. Often, we make big decisions together, but it’s usually my knowledge, experience, and guidance that propel us in the right direction. It’s probably because I have more time to do research. He makes lots of decisions at work, so he’d rather know that home is running smoothly. Except when major plumbing repairs or electricity is involved. Then I need him to take over, because I don’t play with electricity.

So, my conclusion to the whole help meet submission thing is that each marriage should have spouses who submit to each other. We’re all different and our relationships with our husbands are all different. We were all created to be individuals, under God, as helpers to each other.

I think people try to read too much into the issue. Why make it harder than it is?

I tried to find my way for a while. I went through a skirt-wearing phase and my husband was quite horrified. He said he thought he’d entered an episode of Little House on the Prairie and he wanted to go home. NOW. So, I wear makeup and I like pretty clothes. We attended a Fundamentalist Independent Baptist for a time and there were brochures in the lobby about proper Christian dress. Every family has to make their own decisions as to what works for them. I don’t feel that makeup and shorts make me or my daughters less Christian. And modesty is more a behavior anyway. The Bible mentions it should be our constant “conversation.” We want to focus more on heart matters than appearances in our household.

I am making more of an effort to encourage my kids to respect their father, Aaron. It’s tough, I’ll tell you! I know I don’t respect him much either. I mean, honestly, I know everything, right? I know I am condescending and contemptuous. And my eldest daughter is a great mimic, much to my chagrin. But he seriously can’t tell me to make the decisions and then not like those decisions. (And if I ask for advice, just tell me what I want to hear. It’s not like I really wanted an opinion anyway, ya know?)

Aaron struggles with being harsh to Elizabeth and having excessive expectations. He struggles with consistency in discipline. So, I think working on our relationships will improve everything. If the kids love and respect their father, they will desire to please him. Then he will see their efforts and not be so frustrated when they fall short. And I know that I struggle with lots of things too.

I could bemoan the loss of family devo time or I could suck it up that my husband leaves before anyone is up and comes home at dinnertime and is tired. I do devotional time and Bible teaching with my children as part of our homeschool. There’s always something to be discontent about, but is it worth it? Let’s just focus on the positives.

It’s so true that “if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

My attitude is the catalyst for everything that happens with this family.

I have seen great improvements in my kids’ behavior when I strive to be cheerful and optimistic and make sure the schedule runs smoothly, including feeding the little monsters a good, healthy breakfast. I’m so much more tired on those days though!

So, that fearful word “submission” looks different in my household than it may look in yours. But we’re happy and blessed now that we’re working it out in a way that fits for us. Different denominations preach different interpretations of this. But what’s it’s about is power. Wives have power over our husbands, whether we exert it or not. Like that quote in My Big Fat Greek Wedding: “The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.”

We can offer advice. We can be persuasive. We can do this in a godly way that honors our husbands and the decisions he makes. Most husbands do what their wives desire. Make sure your heart is in the right place.

Resources:

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert by John M. Gottman
The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by John Gottman
Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
The Marriage You Want: Moving beyond Stereotypes for a Relationship Built on Scripture, New Data, and Emotional Health by Sheila Wray Gregoire and Dr. Keith Gregoire

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Stepping Out on a Limb

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April 24, 2012 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

I loved to climb trees when I was a little girl. I grew up in the South and I was such a tomboy, much to my mother’s horror. She had envisioned a proper little princess belle and I fell dreadfully short of that vision, I’m sure.

I now have four perfect little darlings. Three princesses and one prince. They’re all so different from me and from each other. It’s absolute blessed chaos.

As much as I would love to say I teach and work around the house all day in peep-toe pumps and crinolined skirts with pearls…not so much.

So…I’ll step out on a limb and write a little bit about me…

Seems like I’ve been reading a lot lately about struggles. In fiction, self-help books, both Christian and secular, blogs, magazines…lots o’ reading.

I feel strangely and awkwardly blessed to not have it so bad, ya know?

I don’t think I struggle all that much. No addictions. No illnesses. No major issues. Such blessings!

I’m pretty sure I’m a social retard, but I hide it rather well, I hope. All those hours of sitting around reading Emily Post and Miss Manners paid off in that at least I know enough to inwardly cringe when people commit a social faux pas. My husband and I do not go out. We don’t socialize. At all. I read about other couples and families on Facebook and whatnot and I wonder, how do they find the time and money? I guess their priorities are different. Or maybe we just haven’t found our social niche. We have no friends. We haven’t found others like-minded enough among fellow homeschoolers or Christians or with Air Force families where we’re stationed. I do worry about our kids. But, our parents weren’t social either. And they weren’t homeschoolers or Christian. Aaron’s parents were school teachers. My dad was Army. It takes a whole lot of effort to be friends with people, especially since we move around a lot. I have very few people I would consider friends. This only occasionally bugs me.

I think I’ve come a long way in seven years. We don’t really discuss that submission subject. I know I’m bossy and always right. Aaron knows that I’m almost always right. Some days (and weeks, even months) I wonder why my husband married me. Other times, I realize how good he has it and what a blessing I am to that man! Honestly, without me, those poor girls would have crew cuts and the house would be an utter disaster! They’d all live on bacon and carbohydrates. And they would attend a school – shudder!

Of course, I’m not all that perfect.

I yell. A lot. We call it hollering in the South. Sounds a bit sweeter, ya know? I’m just loud. Sometimes, I’m not even mad. I just need to be heard over all the ambient noise.

Some weeks, the laundry remains in those handy baskets (not even folded – gasp!) and doesn’t make it those extra few feet into closets and drawers.

Most nights, dinner is mostly prepped and ready to go, and I mean real food, nothing out of a box or can. We like to eat good ‘round here. Some nights, usually after a particularly good school day (what a downer!), dinner isn’t thawed out or something went terribly wrong in the prep process! It helps now that the weather’s warm and pretty to send those younguns outside to play in the afternoons. I threaten with unpleasant chores and undesirable school work if they whine to come in. Rascals! Get some fresh air and exercise! I’ve been with you since 0648, making breakfast, listening to your surreal nocturnal dream world, providing a morning snack, doing laundry and dishes, attempting to teach you about God and the world we live in, making lunch, snack, and the never-ending cleaning up. Mama needs a cocktail, some peace and quiet, and time to prep dinner and play on the computer. Not necessarily in that order.

I’ve been downsizing and organizing for a while now.

I recently rearranged our little living room and it really opened up that area and is quite lovely. All school takes place in the basement now. Got a new desk and now Tori and Katie can work side by side at matching desks and Liz and I work at the table. Alex alternates between the floor, the little hand-me-down pink desk, or my old table and chairs. More likely, he runs around, wreaking havoc and interrupting and causing insane messes. School time is usually mostly successful for 1/2 to 3/4 of the children. If Alex naps, I rush Liz through the rest of her assignments. I use weekly work folders with daily and weekly checklists.

I have nothing nice to say about money.

I have no idea how to live within our means. Yes, we have a lovely and quite detailed budget that shows how I fail miserably twice a month. We usually get close to debt-free about the time we have to move again. Every time we move, we get into debt with unexpected expenses. Vicious cycle. I don’t even consider us to be very materialistic. I know we do have too much stuff though. Books don’t count. We rent a house. We just re-fi’ed Aaron’s Jeep. The van will be paid off this fall. I shop mostly at thrift stores and consignment shops for clothes. We have great furniture that I supplement with amazing finds from estate and yard sales or thrift stores. We do have lots of investments: savings, CDs, IRAs, retirement funds, 529s. At least we’re not total financial losers. I am quite jealous of bloggers who make money just for blogging. I know I have little to offer in that world. Did I mention we like to eat good food? We don’t serve our kids something different at meals. If I make lamb or seafood or some amazing and complex pasta dish, that’s what we all have. The kids don’t even like hot dogs and pizza that much. And no boy will ever be able to afford to date our daughters.

Liz and Tori are running track. Katie loves soccer. Alex plays hard. Aaron has to keep in shape for the Air Force. I try to run with the girls and teach them to have a healthy lifestyle. I don’t think I am really overweight so much as a bit flabby in places. I used to be totally skinny until I had Tori and Katie 14 months apart. I wouldn’t say that I struggle in this area so much…,more that I’m just lazy and I like to eat and don’t really like to work out. I don’t make time for it.

So, what issues do you struggle with?

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Figuring it Out…

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April 6, 2012 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

I recently had a birthday.

You know, those things that make you reflect on the past and future and the present. I am not ashamed to say that I am 36 years old. I am proud of every wrinkle and blemish in my history (and on my body) that got me here.

God makes all things work together for good, right? All those broken roads led me to where I am right now. That was my wedding song.

So, I’ve been making some small changes lately.

Some people have questioned me: am I going through a mid-life crisis or something?

I think they are just improvements, or something to the effect of becoming the butterfly I was meant to be.

I am not changing who I am. I am just finally figuring it out.

I recently dyed my hair reddish blonde.

Part of that is because my husband commented that he liked a woman’s hair color in a restaurant a few weeks ago.

He rarely compliments me, so I think that’s the insecurity still peeking through. But I’ve always loved red hair and mine was in sore need of a change. I used to have gorgeous blonde highlights, but I haven’t colored my hair in about three years. It sure needed something. I think I could even go a brighter red next time. That first step was the hardest. I can be daring now!

I’ve been trying to exercise and run and eat less and better.

I’ve lost several pounds!

I think what it is, is that I’m finally starting to feel comfortable with myself. I know I have room to improve and I am taking steps toward who I want to be.

I’m just now starting to feel good about myself after so many years of struggling with…everything. Education? Work? Marriage? Children? Appearance? Spiritual life? Social life? Pulled in so many directions…I often feel like a failure at so much.

I want my kids to look back and remember their mom as a happy and healthy and beautiful lady.

I want to have energy to play with them and make memories. I want to teach them healthy habits. I want them to be independent adults. I have a whole post knocking around about how I finally feel like a (sorta) successful homeschool mom. Just recently started feeling comfortable with wrangling four kids through an educational experience day in and day out.

The other day, I took the kids to the park. I ran with Tori and Katie. I encourage the kids to play outside often, at least daily. We like to eat. We like to cook. We make our own breads, including pizza and English muffins. We make some awesome ice cream, y’all. We can smoke some amazing BBQ. We love soup. We all eat together as a family every day; usually the kids and I have breakfast and lunch together and dad joins us for dinner. Dad’s on duty on weekends! I require everyone to try a little of everything that is served, even if it’s just a tiny bite. I love vegetables and I serve at least two for dinner, and salad almost every night. Fruit is offered for breakfast and lunch. We eat lots of yogurt. It was one of Alex’s first words.

As for spiritual matters, I began reading through the Bible using a 7 day reading plan at New Year’s and I have stuck with it! I’ve gotten behind a few days here and there, but I’ve always caught up and I am on track! I usually read right before bed because that’s when it’s quiet and it helps me wind down for the night. I sure sleep better after I’ve read God’s Word. For the kiddos, we’re currently reviewing a Bible curriculum that I’m pretty excited about. I’ll be posting on that later this month. We needed something more hands on and that included something for all the kids’ levels.

I’m really trying to change my spending habits.

I admit it. I like stuff. But I shop for clothes mostly at thrift and consignment stores. I have cleaned house this last week while Aaron was out of town on business. I donated 5 bags of stuff and sold 4 bags of stuff to consignment, along with several large baby items we no longer need.

I am downsizing the kids’ clothes and toys. Once they outgrow the clothing they have, we’re being very selective in what we purchase. We’re slowly pulling ourselves out of debt. I am trying to differentiate between needs and wants. I want a lot. I know some people who have virtually nothing in their homes. I wonder if they’re happier or just too busy to care. Being home all the time, I want choices. I know we have too many choices.

I sure plan to remove distractions when we move next time. Baby and toddler and preschool items will no longer be needed and we sure have too much of all that. Don’t touch my books. Don’t talk to me about my kitchen tools. I need every. single. one.

So, happy birthday to me.

No crisis. Just improvement. I have a 5k to train for so I can run with the girls on their 2.5k!

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Moments to Remember

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April 3, 2012 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

I love seeing the children play and learn together. Tori and Katie almost always do everything together, but when Alex and Elizabeth can join in, it’s extra special.

The 3 littles took our cloud dough bin out in the yard since it was a gorgeous day.

Cloud Dough Recipe:

8 Parts white flour
1 Part baby oil

I love how intent they are with digging and scooping in there.

Alex was actually being nice to sister Katie. They are my biggest fighters since they both want to be the baby. He is very earnest telling her that she can have a cup too, but she must follow his rules since it’s his bin. They loved playing in the rice with hospital room cups and trays. haha!

Elizabeth often conducts our read alouds, especially when it’s something she’s learning too. She still loves picture books. They were reading about space here in a book from the library. Rubeus the cat loves this time of snuggling.

Alex wanted to know what all the interest was with our space pop-up book.

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