Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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7 Tips for Fathers Raising Daughters in Today’s World

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As Father’s Day on June 17 rolls around, we are mindful that it wasn’t that long ago when a father’s job was to attend his daughter’s pretend tea parties and make her a pretty dollhouse. But today’s fathers must navigate a new world and avoid gender specific roles.

“The fathers of today’s girls need to be engaged, creative and flexible,” says author Sheri D. Engler.

She says today’s dads should encourage girls at every opportunity.

“Women are breaking down many barriers, but there is still a lot of work to be done,” Engler says. “Today’s fathers play a critical role in their daughter’s self-image and can be instrumental in encouraging them to challenge the status quo.”

Tips for fathers who want to raise their daughters to be strong, independent women:

1. Treat women with respect.  

Your daughter is watching how you treat women, and it will have a lifelong impact on her in ways you can’t imagine. You must be cognizant of your attitude and behavior around women at all times. This includes not saying negative things to or about her mother, even if you are divorced. See yourself as a role model of the kind of man you would want your daughter to marry one day, because that frequently influences how women choose their partners.

2. Give her compliments about things other than her beauty. 

It is OK to tell your daughter she’s pretty, but that should not be the only compliment you ever give her.  Compliment her intelligence, her resourcefulness, her imagination, her many skills, her hard work, and her strength. Honestly tell her the unique things you love about her, the things that make her a good and special person.

3. Teach her the magic of self confidence.

Teach her about the power that comes from believing in herself and believing she can achieve greatness in the world, while understanding that there are many girls who simply want to be a “mommy” like their , which is the most important job in the world. In this case, they may fear failing their father’s expectations of greatness. There is a critical difference between encouragement to be who they are and pressure to be who they aren’t.

4. Teach her about what has traditionally been “guy stuff.”  

Teach her self-reliance, such as routine car maintenance, or mechanics in general. Teach her how to use tools while building a treehouse. Go fishing together. Take her to see planes at air shows, teach her photography and go birdwatching with her. It matters to spend quality time with her, because it makes her feel she is worth her dad’s time. And it doesn’t have to stop in childhood. What could you be teaching your adult daughter?

5. Let her get gritty like the boys.  

Teach her how to play sports from early on. This fosters tremendous social confidence as well as body confidence. Or just let her play in the mud and get dirty if that is what she wants to do. Girls don’t always have to be clean and pretty.

6. Introduce her to books with girl heroes. 

There are plenty of books to choose from, so when reading to her let her enjoy a variety of adventures including books with strong female leaders or other books that were written to empower girls. This will send the message that you believe in her. Or perhaps help her write a story of her own imagining herself as the hero or lead character. If nothing else this will give you a valuable view of how she sees herself so you know what’s going on with her.

7. Share music with her. 

Play your favorite music and tell her why you like it and let her do the same. Take her to concerts. If she wants to play an instrument, help her learn how. Music, and the arts in general, can be very bonding experiences.

How did your dad help you or how does your husband teach your daughter?

“The most important change for today’s fathers is that they shouldn’t box girls in or out of anything just because they are a girl,” Engler says.  “Fathers who respect the women in their lives have a better chance of raising daughters who feel deserving of respect themselves. Confidence, self-respect and family support will help them face any challenges that may come their way.”

Sheri Engler is the author/illustrator of The Pearls of Wisdom: A Fairy Tale Guide to Life’s Magic Secrets for All Ages. She is an experienced mentor, medium, and metaphysicist with a background in psychology, counseling and research. She received a BA in Clinical Psychology at San Francisco State University.  All proceeds go to the Angel Whispers Foundation, which was organized to empower young females.


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5 Ways For Parents To Empower Daughters In An Unkind World

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While opportunities for women have advanced significantly in recent decades, studies reflect that the path to personal independence and growth isn’t always smooth – starting in early childhood up through high school.

Gender stereotypes persist.

According to a survey of 1,900 girls and young women between 7 and 21, conducted by the charity Girlguiding, many feel that pressure from social media, TV, friends, teachers and parents affects how they think and act. Another study in the Journal of Adolescent Health reported that stereotypes of girls were reinforced by schools, parents and the media, thereby limiting their mobility and access to opportunities.

One possible answer, says mentor and author Sheri Engler, is for parents to empower their daughters from a young age.

“We parents need to take the necessary time from our busy lives to find out what our daughters are experiencing on a daily basis,” says Engler.

“We must break down barriers to success early on. Otherwise, girls frequently surrender their ‘surplus’ qualities before they even leave grade school, because they feel they won’t be accepted if they are ‘too much.’ They are not allowed too many gifts for fear of alienating boys and competing with other girls. This has to stop.”

Five ways parents can empower their daughters and help them grow into strong, successful women:

Explain the social dynamic.

Help them understand the reasons why boys may be intimidated by powerful girls, and why girls may become jealous and pull down a girl who has too much.

Help them avoid social programming.

Most forms of mass media “bombard girls with destructive messages.” With character development so important, parents need to offer more positive influences. Discouraging Facebook is a good place to start due to its entrainment of a ‘me-oriented’ society.

Provide social alternatives.

Connecting with other parents and families who hold similar values is one option. Perhaps consider online or home schooling if your child is being affected by negative conditioning from peers and/or misguided authority figures. Parents need to find out what’s really going on with their daughters, both at home and at school. Sadly, damaging messages come from every direction.

Teach them to help others.

Parents can role-model strengthening values. These values could be exemplified by going together to volunteer in soup kitchens, to foster homeless animals, or to visit lonely, old people in nursing homes. Learning compassion for others supports strong self-esteem through character building.

Help them identify their unique desires and abilities.

Encourage pride in being who they are on an authentic level. Help them experience life’s many aspects so they may explore their natural abilities and interests, while paying particular attention to what truly brings them joy – because that is usually where their authentic selves reside.

We need to prevent damage early on, instead of trying to fix it after it’s too late.

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How to Have a Legendary Summer

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We’ve lived the last three years in Europe and exploring all the history and culture was so fun and exciting.

Since we’ve moved back to the States, we’ve been exploring our local offerings in Ohio and the surrounding areas. We’re loving the warmer weather. And being able to speak to anybody easily in English. While we miss Europe, we try to make the most of wherever we are.

The American expectation of summer vacation is a bit much for us. We don’t have the desire or budget to do an all-out huge beach trip. We don’t live near a good beach. My eldest has a part time job and my husband works full time. As homeschoolers, we still do school work during summers so we don’t ever feel rushed by a schedule. And the neurotic cat gets sick any time we leave for more than a day.

We’re staying close to home this summer.

The kids are fine with roller blading before breakfast and playing in the sprinkler or riding bikes in the afternoons.

We do FREE bowling several times a week.

We live on a small street and the kids have a few friends who often play together. I like being the mom who knows where everyone is, providing lemonade and popsicles or cookies.

I miss the summers when I was young and everyone was out all day long except for meals. It seems so many kids are overscheduled with classes, camps, sports, activities. We like peace and leisure.

We stay up late and sleep a little later and eat when we’re hungry. We like to eat outside on the deck since it’s so shady or have a picnic at a park. We often have bonfires with smores in the backyard firepit.

We eat lots of ice cream.

We play in the woods behind the house and catch frogs and crawdads in the creek and pond and play on the little wooden bridge and under the big trees. We watch the butterflies in the meadow and search for deer tracks in the mud.

We create, draw, sing, dance, dream, watch clouds.

We pretend.

I feel it’s very important that children have lots of free time to play so they have a pretty unstructured existence until they’re teens. The kids still contribute and do chores and help and learn how to run a household, but it’s all necessary teamwork for smooth living.

Childhood should be about playtime.

How to have a legendary summer:

You don’t have to drive 12 hours to the beach or spend a lot of money to have a legendary summer.

Explore the town or nearest city. There are lots of fun, frugal, and free activities right in our own area.

There are plenty of fun free outdoor activities to do near our house – splash pads, local parks, nature trails, bike paths, and more.

Sometimes, indoor playgrounds are just the thing – roller skating, jumping places, arcades, bowling.

Occasionally movies.

We go to the library often.

The girls volunteer at VBS.

Museum memberships often pay for themselves after a couple visits and we love museums when the weather is too uncomfortable to be outdoors for long.

I have a lineup of fun handcrafts the kids can do on their own or with a little supervision. Tie dye, beadwork, clay and paint projects, sewing, cooking.

Dad deploys this fall, so we’re taking a little camping trip at a nearby lake before he leaves. We love fishing and camping and hiking.

Summer is a lazy easy time to get dirty in the garden, play at the park, watch hummingbirds at the backyard feeder.

Don’t stress over summer. Have fun and make memories.

I love the fun matching cool summer looks from Gymboree that are perfect for all our summer adventures and photo opps for our military family.

I miss when my kids were little and I got all the matching looks for picture day:

I don’t worry about dirt, mud, or grass stains.

And kids are supposed to get messy and dirty! That means they’re having fun and making memories!

How will you have a legendary summer?

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A Peaceful Home

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I see so many questions about homeschooling and parenting. In the absence of a village, parents flock to Facebook to crowdsource answers. Those answers are often based on experience. They’re not always the best answers nor do they work for everyone.

I find the easiest and best answer to most parenting and homeschooling questions, whether about behavior issues or scheduling or feeling just worn out from the endless chatter and noise of a houseful of young children is to create a peaceful home atmosphere.

But how does one do that? What does it look like?

When I had my third child, I was worn out. I couldn’t understand why I never felt like I could complete a day without lots of caffeine and needed to nap when my toddler and baby did in the early afternoon, praying my older child just read or played quietly in her room.

I was homeschooling. I was keeping a spotless home. I was doing, doing, doing.

I was exhausted and miserable. I hated myself. I hated my husband. I even hated my kids.

I felt like a failure.

I knew it wasn’t right. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t place my finger on it nor could I pull myself out of it.

I asked my pastor’s wife for a meeting and she arrived at my home where I had cleaned and stressed over providing her homemade lemonade and fresh-baked cookies.

While I expected to be pointed to Bible verses about the Proverbs 31 women, she asked some practical questions. When were we eating dinner? When was bedtime? Why were the kids’ things all hidden away from the public rooms?

I also went to a doctor to rule out physical issues. I was put on a supplement regimen for adrenal failure.

Then I implemented a new peaceful lifestyle.

It took years to get comfortable with who I am and how I live and what my priorities and preferences are.

I shouldn’t have to make excuses for my priorities. I try to be patient with people who aren’t where I am in the spiritual journey.

This is a key to happiness.

How to Create a Peaceful Home:

Self.

Understand your past, your story – and know your triggers. Deal with it.

If you’re anxious or tired or ill, make the necessary changes to heal yourself.

If you’ve suffered some traumatic experience, get professional help to work through it.

Nurture yourself. Pray or meditate, get outside, exercise, eat well.

Deal with finances. Do your best to get out of debt.

Work through any idols or addictions.

Legalism is the opposite of peace. Set goals and priorities but don’t worry about so many rules and regulations.

Realize that we go through cycles and seasons, just like nature.

Space.

Remove clutter. Feng shui ideas really do help remove anxiety.

Go minimalist. If you have to buy something to put somethings in, you have too much stuff.

Soothing color scheme. My house is decorated in all blues and greens, because these are my favorite colors, but they’re also calming.

Aromatherapy and music. We have diffusers in every rooms with essential oils. We often listen to music while making and eating meals.

Practice hygge.

Have tech-free time to connect.

Spouse.

(or significant other or pet or whatever)

Practice nonviolent communication.

Argue intelligently, calmly, and lovingly. You don’t have to hide conflict from your children. They need to learn healthy resolution.

Learn how to really apologize.

Be constant students of each other.

Don’t make excuses to be complacent. Don’t get lazy. Those are causes of adultery and midlife crises.

Yeah, most days are boring and tedious. It’s not all romance and over-the-top. Duty outweighs everything else.

Children.

Model self-control.

Coach on healthy relationships.

Don’t force sharing.

Don’t punish, bribe, or reward. Gently guide and communicate well.

Spanking is abuse. Never, ever hit a child.

Allow for lots of unstructured play time and go outdoors every day.

Maybe you grew up in a household with strife and you don’t really have a relationship with your siblings.

Don’t let your kids make those same mistakes.

Most days are ordinary. They don’t have to be drenched in negativity. Find the extraordinary in the tiniest of things.

Service.

Focus on others first.

But don’t neglect yourself.

We need to teach our kids empathy and kindness. We do that by modeling it.

Do your part to make the world a better place. It may be charity work, recycling, cycling or walking instead of driving, cleaning a creek, planting a garden, whatever.

What can you begin doing right now towards a more peaceful home?


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Kitchen Tools for Kids

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Our kids like being helpful and useful around the house and they want real tools, not just toys.

While we love and encourage pretend play, my kids also want to use real tools to make real food. Our kids quickly got bored with play kitchens and wanted to use the real kitchen. These tools are functional, sturdy, fun, and fit smaller hands well.

I’m a big believer in letting kids help shop for and make their own food, along with helping during the more boring preparation and cleanup. It’s an easy authentic way to teach about healthy eating habits and household management.

We live in our kitchen and show our love for each other by cooking and eating together.

I don’t assign chores or use checklists or charts. See how I motivate here. We all work together cheerfully to keep the household running smoothly.

These are our favorite kids’ tools for children to help with household chores.

Kuhn Rikon Knives were a huge hit for our kids. They loved the fun design and could really cut veggies, helping in the kitchen.

They’re sharp enough to chop carrots, but don’t slice into little fingers.

Peelers are appealing to kids and these bright fun ones are perfect for little and big hands!

We also like this spiralizer for all sorts of uses!

Toaster tongs are a great safety tool to keep little (and big!) fingers from getting singed by hot toaster parts. Toasted breads are an easy item for kids to make!

Even when they were too small to use the oven, my kids loved having their own oven mitts.

They would often just help by holding a corner of that cookie sheet to bring it near the countertop.

Silpats are great for nonstick baking and can also be used on the countertop for nonslip use when rolling out dough or kneading bread.


Immersion blenders are handy (almost mess-free) tools for whipping up sauces, scrambling eggs, and blending soups.

One of the first things our kids learn to cook is scrambled eggs and we love these pans for their quality, sturdiness, and nonstickiness.

This is my absolute favorite silicone whisk for so many jobs!

Electric kettles keep boiling water in a safe container rather than an open pot on the stovetop. The kids love helping to make tea!

Cleaning supplies made for smaller hands are great and my kids loved having their very own kid-sized items to help clean up!

Reusable cloths help get any cleanup job done with pretty colors and without harsh chemicals.

I love this fun mop, broom, and dustpan.

My kids each had their own broom set. The bright colors are really fun and they’re the perfect size and very sturdy.

Pretty soon, my kids are using the same tools I do and we’re dancing around each other in a lovely choreography as we make meals together.

You can see many of these tools in action here!

You might also like my Kitchen Essentials List.

What are your favorite kids tools?

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Favorite Holiday Movies

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We begin watching holiday movies around Halloween.

You know it’s not Christmas until Hans Gruber falls from Nakatomi Tower.

This list has something for everyone – kids cartoons, comedies, romance, nostalgic, endearing…and those ridiculous or action movies that just happen to take place over Christmas.

A lot of these films are in the discount bins at Walmart. Some are on Netflix or stream free or cheap on Amazon. Others, we borrow from the library. We’ve collected quite a few over the years.

50+ Best Holiday Movies:

  1. Elf

    One Christmas Eve a long time ago, a baby crawled into Santa’s bag of toys Raised as an elf. Buddy goes looking for his true place in the world–in New York City.
  2. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

    The comic misadventures of the beleaguered Griswold family continue in this latest “Vacation” outing, the third and most successful of the series.
  3. White Christmas

    Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye team up to enliven a winter resort inn. The Irving Berlin musical score sparkles with some great tunes, including the magical title track.
  4. A Christmas Story

    Ralphie wants only one thing: a Red Ryder Range 200-Shot BB gun. When he mentions it at the dinner table, his mother’s immediate reaction is that he’ll put his eye out. He then decides it’s the perfect theme for a report for his teacher, but her reaction is like his mother’s. He fantasizes about what it would be like to be Red Ryder and catch the bad guys. When the big day arrives he gets lots of presents under the tree including a lovely gift from his aunt that his mother just adores. But what about the BB gun?
  5. Home Alone

    Accidentally left behind when his parents rush off on their Christmas vacation, eight-year-old Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) embarks on a hilarious, madcap mission to defend the family home when two bumbling burglars (Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern) try to break in and find themselves tangled in Kevin s bewildering battery of booby traps!
  6. The Nativity Story

    In a story of profound faith one young woman struggles with the destiny as she is chosen to give birth to the Son of God and to become the object of salvation for billions of souls.
  7. The Star of Bethlehem
    From Producer Stephen McEveety comes an amazing documentary on the Star of Bethlehem. This presentation, has rapidly grown in popularity around the world by thousands who have seen this dramatic revelation as it explores the exciting truth of scripture and reveals the evidence for God’s existence as seen in the stars above. Presenter Rick Larson walks you through Biblical and historical clues revealing the incredible significance of this celestial event as well as the vastness of God’s creativity. Features: Produced by Stephen McEveety, Dramatic presentation on the significance of Bethlehem’s Star and its connection to the life of Christ.
  8. The Star
    Bo, a brave donkey, and all his new hilarious animal friends go on the adventure of their dreams filled with lots of laughter.
  9. The Nightmare Before Christmas

    Jack Skellington, king of Halloween Town, discovers Christmas Town, but his attempts to bring Christmas to his home cause confusion.
  10. Ernest Saves Christmas

    High-flying reindeer! Mischievous elves! Warp-speed sleigh rides! Get set for a magical dose of holiday cheer, zany season’s greetings, and spell-binding special effects in this fast-paced, heartwarming comedy hit! When Santa Claus decides to retire and pass on his magic bag of Christmas surprises to a new St. Nick, he enlists the aid of a hilarious assortment of characters, including that lovable know-it-all Ernest P. Worrell (Emmy Award-winning comedian Jim Varney)! Along the way, Santa and Ernest help a cynical teen experience the season’s spirit like never before. And that’s where the fun — and magic — begin!
  11. Gremlins

    A small town is besieged by some furry and not-so-cute little creatures after a young man ignores the warnings of a wise elder regarding their care and feeding.
  12. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

    Steve Martin and John Candy star in John Hughes’ classic tale of holiday travel gone awry. Neal Page (Martin) is an uptight advertising executive trying to get home to Chicago for Thanksgiving. When his flight is rerouted to Wichita, he reluctantly partners with Del Griffith (Candy), a n obnoxious yet lovable salesman. Together, they embark on a cross-country adventure that includes various m odes of transportation, hilarious mishaps, and unforgettable rental car shenanigans
  13. Mixed Nuts

    Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, the only creatures stirring were a transvestite, a homicidal Santa, a serial killer, the staff of a suicide hotline and a very crazy pregnant woman.
  14. Trading Places
    The fun begins when the rich and greedy Duke Brothers wager a bet over whether born loser Valentine could become as successful as the priggish Winthorpe if circumstances were reversed.
  15. The Family Man

    Jack Campbell (Academy Award winner Nicolas Cage) is a single, wealthy Wall Street trader living the high life in New York City. All that magically changes one winter morning when he wakes up in suburban New Jersey next to Kate (Tea Leoni), the girlfriend he left 13 years ago. He’s now got two kids, he’s traded in his Ferrari for a minivan all while trying not to lose his mind. Find out what it takes for a single-minded businessman to become The Family Man in this heartwarming holiday comedy about second thoughts and second chances.
  16. Charlie Brown Christmas

    Christmastime is here. Happiness and cheer. And for Peanuts fans everywhere, it just wouldn’t be Christmas without this classic holiday delight. Christmas lights may be twinkling red and green, but Charlie Brown has the Yuletide blues. To get in the holiday spirit, he takes Lucy’s advice and directs the Christmas play. And what’s a Christmas play without a Christmas tree? But everyone makes fun of the short, spindly nevergreen Charlie Brown brings back – until the real meaning of Christmas works its magic once again
  17. Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

    Every who down in Who-ville likes Christmas a lot, but the Grinch who lived just north of Who-ville did NOT! So the cuddly as a cactus Grinch (with termites in his smile and garlic in his soul) tries to wipe out Christmas for the cheerful Who-villains, only to discover: maybe Christmas, he thought doesn’t come from as store. Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more! Magnificently narrated by Boris Karloff and animated by cartoon legend Chuck Jones, it’s an award-winning Who-roast-beast-feast of a holiday classic!
  18. Joyeux Noël

    JOYEUX NOEL (Merry Christmas) tells the true-life story of the spontaneous Christmas Eve truce declared by Scottish, French and German troops in the trenches of World War I. Enemies leave their weapons behind for one night as they band together in brotherhood and forget about the brutalities of war.
  19. A Midnight Clear

    This WW2 psychological drama plays out at Christmas. US GIs hold an isolated cabin in the Ardennes against a handful of Germans cut off from their main force. Combat-weary and short of rations, both sides are determined to survive.
  20. The Muppet Christmas Carol

    Greetings, holiday movie fans and culture lovers, I am the Great Gonzo…or, as I am better known to fans of this classic motion picture – literary legend Charles Dickens. Ready to laugh, cry, sing, frolic, cavort and enjoy yourself beyond belief!? Well, you’re in luck, because this 20th Anniversary Edition of Disney’s THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL is guaranteed to put you in a holiday spirit that will stay with you forever – or at least until your Aunt Ruth starts complaining that nobody is eating the fruitcake she brought…again! The incredible spectacle of Kermit the Frog as Bob Cratchit, Miss Piggy as Emily Cratchit, Michael Caine as Scrooge, wonderful songs by Paul Williams, and, of course, my pal Rizzo the Rat as…well, Rizzo the Rat. A heartwarming and hilarious holiday classic, told as never before! Yule love it! Happy Holidays!
  21. A Muppet Family Christmas

    You’re invited to a zany holiday celebration, as Fozzie Bear and all of his showbiz pals head for the country to spend Christmas at Fozzie’s Mom’s farmhouse! With snow falling outside and more friends dropping by carolers from Sesame Street and visitors from Fraggle Rock something magical happens! The sparkle of the stage lights up the farmhouse as the Muppets share their gifts of music, a play, and of course Fozzie’s stand-up comedy act! When Miss Piggy arrives through sleet and snow to catch Kermit under the mistletoe the cast is complete for a warm and wonderful MUPPET FAMILY CHRISTMAS.
  22. It’s a Very Merry Muppet Christmas

    Join Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Gonzo, Miss Piggy and the entire Muppet gang in It’s a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie! ‘Tis the night before Christmas and the Muppet Theater is in danger of being torn down. When bad goes to worse, Kermit begins to believe that the world would be a better place if he had never been born. With heavenly help and hilarious send-ups of just about every holiday movie ever made, Kermit and the Muppets discover what matters most is their love for each other. Featuring a celebrity cast including David Arquette, Joan Cusack and Whoopi Goldberg plus show-stopping musical numbers like ‘Moulin Scrooge!’, this heartwarming holiday classic will bring joy to the world every Christmas season!
  23. Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas

    Disney’s biggest stars shine in a magical, heartwarming movie sure to become a holiday classic! Mickey, Minnie, and their famous friends Goofy, Donald, Daisy, and Pluto gather to reminisce about love, magic, and surprises in three wonder-filled stories of Christmas past. In the fine tradition of Disney’s superb storytelling, Minnie and Mickey recall the year they both gave up what was most important to them for the sake of the other, making for one unforgettable Christmas. Goofy and Max retell when they experienced a series of hilarious but season-shaking events … until a visit from the real Santa made it a most magical holiday. Thinking back to when they wished Christmas was every day, Donald’s nephews Huey, Dewey, and Louie remember their dream turning into a comical catastrophe, eventually teaching them what true holiday spirit is all about. Featuring the entire cast in a finale of merry, magical Christmas songs — all the excitement of MICKEY’S ONCE UPON A CHRISTMAS is ready to unwrap for holiday family fun!
  24. Rise of the Guardians

    An epic adventure of a group of heroes with extraordinary abilities. When an evil spirit, Pitch, tries to take over the world, the immortal Guardians must join forces to protect the hopes, beliefs and the imagination of children all over.
  25. Alvin and the Chipmunks

    When down-on-his luck musician Dave Seville discovers singing trio Alvin and the Chipmunks, he seizes the opportunity to put together his songwriting skills with the ‘Munks unique talents.
  26. Babes in Toyland

    A little girl from Cincinnati is suddenly catapulted into a dream world, a fantasy town called Toyland. Populated by life-size teddy bears and puppets, Toyland seems to be a happy, cheerful community. But villainous Barnaby is scheming to turn Toyland into a nightmare and when the little girl finds out she tries to stop him.
  27. The Nutcracker

    The New York City ballet performs the Tchaikovsky-Petipa fairy tale of a girl and her doll-turned-prince.
  28. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, The Little Drummer Boy, The Miser Brothers, Frosty the Snowman…all those classics!
    The perfect way to get the Christmas season started. 4-disc gift set includes Rankin and Bass’s most beloved Christmas specials plus the Dr. Seuss Holiday classic. DISC 1: DR. SEUSS’ HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS! From animation legend Chuck Jones comes one of the best holiday cartoons of all time, adapting the Dr. Seuss story and starring Boris Karloff as the voice of you-know-Who. Also Includes: THE LEPRECHAUNS’ CHRISTMAS GOLD, PINOCCHIO’S CHRISTMAS, and THE STINGIEST MAN IN TOWN DISC 2: THE YEAR WITHOUT A SANTA CLAUS DELUXE EDITION When Santa decides to retire one Christmas, Mrs. Claus takes action. Baby New Year is missing – and a certain red-nosed reindeer leads the search. And a kind-hearted burro, mocked for his ears, takes a special journey to Bethlehem. Also Includes: RUDOLPH’S SHINY NEW YEAR and NESTOR THE LONG-EARED CHRISTMAS DONKEY DISC 3: FROSTY’S WINTER WONDERLAND Frosty’s The Snowman’s marriage is threatened by jealous Jack Frost. ‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS Clement Moore’s classic poem comes to charming new life. DISC 4: RUDOLPH AND FROSTY’S CHRISTMAS IN JULY The feature-length delight about what happens when a certain reindeer’s nose stops shining!
  29. Arthur Christmas

    How CAN Santa deliver billions of presents to the whole world in just one night? With an army of one million combat-style Field Elves and a vast, state-of-the-art control center under the ice of the North Pole! So how could this incredible operation have MISSED one child?! To Santa’s young son, Arthur, it threatens to end the magic of Christmas. With retired Grandsanta, a rebellious young elf, an old sleigh and some untrained reindeer, Arthur sets out in a crazy mission to deliver the last present!
  30. Saving Santa

    A lowly stable elf (Martin Freeman) must travel back in time to save Santa’s Kingdom from the evil Neville Baddington (Tim Curry).
  31. Prep & Landing

    On Christmas Eve, a high-tech team of elves from an elite unit known as “Prep & Landing” ensures homes around the world are prepared for Santa’s visit. But when two hilarious little elves face unexpected challenges and are pushed to their limits, it’ll take a great big effort to save the season. Enjoy a heartwarming holiday classic sure to make everyone’s Christmas list! BONUS: The outrageous yuletide adventures of Christmas elves Lanny and Wayne continue in this totally tinsel adventure that reminds us there’s room for everyone on the “nice” list. Santa’s stealthiest little elves must race to recover classified North Pole technology, which has fallen into the hands of a computer-hacking naughty kid, in order to stop Christmas from descending into chaos. Bring the family together for a comical adventure that puts the Ho, Ho, Ho in your holidays!
  32. The Santa Clause

    A bizarre twist of fate transforms a divorced dad into the new Santa.
  33. The Polar Express

    The Polar Express is the story of a young boy who on Christmas Eve boards a powerful magical train headed to the North Pole and Santa Claus’s home. What unfolds is a journey of self-discovery, which shows the boy that the wonder of life never fades for those who believe.
  34. Jack Frost

    Michael Keaton stars in this fantasy adventure about a man who becomes a real father to his son after returning to life. A year after his father’s death on Christmas Day, a young boy builds a snowman and dresses it with his father’s hat, scarf and gloves. That night, the boy’s wish comes true: His father returns to life–as the snowman.
  35. Jingle All the Way

    Arnold Schwarzenegger returns in a new holiday comedy as a father determined to buy his son that “must have” Christmas toy during a frantic shopping spree on Christmas Eve.
  36. Prancer

    A wounded reindeer and a precocious eight-year-old girl form an everlasting bond in this tender holiday drama about true devotion and friendship.
  37. Scrooged or any version of The Christmas Carol

    A cynically selfish TV executive gets haunted by three spirits bearing lessons on Christmas Eve.
  38. Home for the Holidays

    Claudia Larson is heading home for yet another chaotic and exasperating family Thanksgiving. But a new visitor offers some interesting possibilities. If they can duck the flying turkeys, this romance may just have a chance.
  39. Four Christmases

    One happy couple; four dysfunctional, divorced parents who all insist on celebrating with their kids; a single, well-planned, happy day quickly spins out of control in to the madcap whirlwind of Four Christmases.
  40. Christmas with the Kranks

    When their only daughter Blair leaves the family nest, Luther and Nora Krank decide to book an island cruise to beat the yuletide blues and just skip the holidays. But their decision to boycott tradition has the whole neighborhood in an uproar, and when Blair calls on Christmas Eve to announce a surprise visit with her new fiancé, the Kranks have just twelve hours to perform a miracle and pull themselves and their neighbors together to throw the best celebration ever!
  41. Love Actually

    Funny, charming and heartwarming, this delightful romantic comedy follows eight couples whose lives intersect shortly before Christmas.
  42. Bad Santa

    The baddest Santa ever comes to town with the hilarious Billy Bob Thornton, Bernie Mac, and John Ritter! Ill-mannered store Santa Willie Stokes is really a safecracker with a holiday tradition of making one big score every Christmas Eve with his clever Elf-partner-in- crime Marcus. But this year’s heist-fest could be completely foiled by a snoopy store manager, savvy mall detective, sexy Santa fan, and an innocent 8 year old misfit who thinks the intoxicated and felonious Willie is the real Santa he seeks.
  43. The Ref

    Denis Leary plays an unfortunate cat burglar, who is abandonded by his partner in the middle of a heist and is forced to take an irritating Connecticut couple (Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis) hostage. He soon finds that he got more than he bargained for when the couple’s blackmailing son and despicable in-laws step into the picture. Before long they’re driving him nuts with their petty bickering and family problems. The only way for him to survive is to be their referee and resolve their differences before he can be nabbed by the police.
  44. The Royal Tenenbaums

    Royal Tenenbaum (Gene Hackman) and his wife, Etheline (Anjelica Huston), had three children — Chas, Margot, and Richie — and then they separated. Chas (Ben Stiller) started buying real estate in his early teens and seemed to have an almost preternatural understanding of international finance. Margot (Gwyneth Paltrow) was a playwright and received a Braverman Grant of $50,000 in the ninth grade. Richie (Luke Wilson) was a junior champion tennis player and won the U.S. Nationals three years in a row. Virtually all memory of the brilliance of the young Tenenbaums was subsequently erased by two decades of betrayal, failure, and disaster.
  45. The Holiday
    In Nancy Meyers’ The Holiday, a romantic comedy from the director of Something’s Gotta Give and What Women Want, two women trade homes only to find that a change of address can change their lives. Iris is in love with a man who is about to marry another woman. Across the globe, Amanda, realizes the man she lives with has been unfaithful. Two women who have never met and live 6000 miles apart, find themselves in the exact same place. They meet online at a home exchange website and impulsively switch homes for the holiday. Iris moves into Amanda’s L.A. house in sunny California as Amanda arrives in the snow covered English countryside. Shortly after arriving at their destinations, both women find the last thing either wants or expects: a new romance. Amanda is charmed by Iris’ handsome brother Graham and Iris, with inspiration provided by legendary screenwriter Arthur, mends her heart when she meets film composer Miles.
  46. While You Were Sleeping

    The hit romantic comedy that woke everyone up to adorable Sandra Bullock. As Lucy, a lonely subway worker, she becomes smitten with a handsome stranger. But when she saves his life after he’s been mugged and fallen into a coma, his hilariously offbeat family mistakes her for his fiancee! Soon, the mix-ups escalate as Lucy fabricates a life between herself and a man she’s never met! And when Lucy falls for his charming brother the situation really gets uproarious as she’s forced to make a choice between the two!
  47. Serendipity

    Irresistible stars John Cusack and Kate Bekinsale are drawn together and take a chance on love in the critically acclaimed romantic comedy! In the course of one magical evening, Jonathan and Sara meet unexpectedly…then part without expectation when she decides they must let fate determine if they are meant to be together. Years later, they are both engaged to others but cannot give up the dream that- despite time, distance and the obstacles that conspire to keep them apart, they will one day meet again! Also starring Jeremy Piven and Molly Shannon, in a stellar supporting cast- you’re destined to agree with audiences everywhere who fell for the surprising charms of this delightful big screen romance!
  48. The Family Stone

    The Stones, a New England family, have their annual holiday gathering. The eldest son brings his girlfriend home to meet his parents, brothers and sisters. The bohemian Stones greet their visitor – a high-powered, controlling New Yorker – with a mix of awkwardness, confusion and hostility. Before the holiday is over, relationships will unravel while new ones are formed, secrets will be revealed, and the family Stone will come together through its extraordinary capacity for love.
  49. About a Boy

    Based on Nick Hornby’s best-selling novel, About A Boy is the story of a cynical, immature young man who is taught how to act like a grown-up by a little boy.
  50. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

    Based on the wildly popular J.K. Rowling’s book about a young boy who on his eleventh birthday discovers, he is the orphaned boy of two powerful wizards and has unique magical powers.
  51. Little Women

    With her husband off at war, Marmee is left alone to raise their four daughters, her Little Women. There is the spirited Jo; conservative Meg; fragile Beth; and romantic Amy. As the years pass, the sisters share some of the most cherished and painful memories of self-discovery, as Marmee and Aunt March guide them through issues of independence, romance, and virtue.
  52. Grumpy Old Men

    Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau reunite in this romantic comedy that examines the decades-old love-hate relationship between two neighbors.
  53. Better Off Dead

    After his girlfriend ditches him for a boorish ski jock, Lane decides that suicide is the only answer. However, his increasingly inept attempts bring him only more agony and embarrassment. Filled with the wildest teen nightmares, a family you can’t help but identify with and a host of wonderful comic characters.
  54. Edward Scissorhands

    An uncommonly gentle young man, who happens to have scissors for hands, falls in love with a beautiful teenage girl.
  55. Batman Returns

    Batman Caped Crusader is pitted against demented, ravenous Penguin, pitiful, orphaned, psychopathic freak and ‘power’ hungry capitalist villain, Max Shreck.
  56. Die Hard

    Bruce Willis stars as New York City Detective John McClane, newly arrived in Los Angeles to spend the Christmas holiday with his estranged wife. But as Mclane waits for his wife’s office party to break up, terrorist take control of the building. While the terrorist leader, Hans Gruber round up hostages, McClane slips away unnoticed. Armed with only a service revolver and his cunning, McClane launches his own one-man war.
  57. Lethal Weapon

    Two tough cops: one carries a lethal weapon, the other is one. Teamed as unlikely partners in a highly unusual case.
  58. Four Rooms

    Don’t miss the fun in this hilariously sexy comedy that has Antonio Banderas, Madonna, and a sizzling all-star cast checking in for laughs! It’s Ted the Bellhop’s first night on the job…and the hotel’s very unusual guests are about to place him in some outrageous predicaments.

I remember watching these movies every year with my parents and I love sharing them with my family.

What’s your favorite holiday film?

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Annual Review 2017

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I think most holiday newsletters are impersonal, braggy, and rather insulting.

I don’t hear from people all year long (in this day of social media no less!), and then I get (grammatically incorrect) computer-printed, grayscale, two-page holiday stationary outlining every accomplishment of every member in their family, including pets…like they’re saying,

“Hey! See how we’re better than you?!”

It’s like people don’t even know about social media. I’m seldom on my personal private Facebook account (I only have about 30 friends and family on there!). I post more often to my public Facebook Page. I post images occasionally to Instagram. I’m more political on Twitter.

Since most of our friends and family live permanent and stationary lives, having lived in their same house for like 20+ years, I feel like they should reach out to me to chat whenever they want to – online. It’s where I live after all. As a military family, our mailing address changes every 2-4 years, but my email address and social media and blog stay the same.

I realize the concept only too well of “out of sight, out of mind.”

So, here’s my annual review for anyone who may want a summary.

Another year is coming to a close. We get to reflect on what we’ve accomplished and the lessons we learned along the way. But, perhaps, what’s more exciting, is that we get to dream of our goals for the future.

Winter 2017 was pretty uneventful. I don’t even have computer file folders for January and February. I took no pictures!

Spring 2017 was busy.

We had orders to Wright Patterson AFB and we were counting down to PCS.

We sold Aaron’s German Audi in February because it couldn’t pass the German auto inspection without about $5000 worth of repairs and that just wasn’t feasible for us since we only needed it until the PCS. So that put us down to one vehicle – our new minivan – and our village was about 40 minutes from where Aaron worked. About once or twice a week, I got up early and went to the gym with Aaron and dropped him off at work and then picked him up so I could have a car.

We chose to have our household goods packed up and shipped as early as possible so they were available at our new location ASAP. We got temporary furniture in our house.

We  stopped going to church, using our time to take days trips and explore (like Wissembourg and Cologne and some of the awesome wildparks!) before we moved.

We couldn’t justify enrolling the kids in sports or other extra-curriculars since we were in PCS survival mode and down to just one vehicle.

I got a new tattoo to cover up my faded yin yang on my right ankle.

We took our last European trip in May to Bruges and Flanders.

We reluctantly moved from Germany to Ohio in June/July.

We know we have been so blessed, living in unique places and we get to homeschool wherever the military sends us!

What most people don’t realize is that it’s really expensive (and stressful) to move every few years. While we get a “displacement allowance,” that doesn’t cover everything that moving entails. We often live out of suitcases for several weeks, even a couple months.

We took Patriot Express from Ramstein AFB to Baltimore, Maryland, that was delayed 6+ hours, so we just sat in a huge waiting room with a lot of troops coming home from deployment. We arrived in Baltimore about 2 AM local time, instead of the planned 7 PM.

I will say that the staff on Patriot Express are so kind and the meals are superior. We took a commercial flight to Atlanta from Baltimore late the next morning. Then we began recovering from jet lag. My parents weren’t exactly understanding.

We shipped our two cats ahead to Atlanta in April, to ensure airplane temperatures for them were comfortable, and it was about $1500 to get their vet records in order and their plane tickets and then there were import fees. My parents reluctantly kept our furbabies and I had their special food delivered to them. Those cats are pampered!

We also had to pay almost $1000 + gas for a rental minivan to drive from Georgia to Ohio. We pay most expenses upfront, out of pocket for food and lodging during travel to a new location – but we usually get reimbursed some of it.

We lived on base for a week or so and there is not even a library on Wright Patterson AFB! We were excited by how much organic and natural food the commissary had. We were horrified by the poor selection and high prices of the Class VI beer and wine and alcohol, after a completely different perspective in Europe.

We found a perfect rental house online right before we left Germany. We moved in July 5, because that’s as early as the movers could unload our stuff. A bookshelf got absolutely destroyed during shipment and our secondhand sofas were in even worse shape from the tape and wrappings. My lovely mahogany silverware case was warped and cracked from storage for three years. It took six months for us to receive our claim on the damaged items. But it could have been worse. Nothing was really lost. Nothing really valuable was damaged.

We didn’t get our minivan from Germany until mid-July. We had to drive to St. Louis to pick that up. That was a little bit inconvenient and took two days.

Elizabeth mostly graduated from our homeschool and began college as a dual-enrolled student. Ohio will actually fund students if you get your request in by April, but we didn’t have an Ohio address, so we had to pay out of pocket this year. The grandparents finally came through on their promise (they tried to renege on it) and paid for two semesters, totaling five courses. She is considering a history major with a minor in business and she also desires to certify in aesthetics (beauty and skin care). She just got her first part-time job at Kroger. She has a 529 plan and 1/4 of Aaron’s GI Bill, but most likely, her Kroger money will have to pay for some of her senior college year. We hope to stay in Ohio for her to complete her college education.

Ohio is quite a change for us!

We enjoy the Metroparks and local parks for playing and hiking and fishing. We love all the rivers, creeks, and ponds!

We got memberships to Brukner Nature Center and Boonshoft Scienc Museum and attend their monthly homeschool classes. The kids have made some friends in the neighborhood and it’s so nice that they ride bikes, scooters, roller blades, and play together.

We attended a church right around the corner for a while. The girls were involved in the youth group and Tori and Katie were acolytes.

Our humanities studies this year span approximately 1700-1900 and finally include USA, so that’s exciting that we can see some of the places we’re learning about, just like we planned learning trips in Europe.

We’ve been really focusing on science this year and it’s been so much fun doing experiments and learning together. Tori and Katie completed their level 6A math books. They’re continuing their studies in Greek, Latin, and French this year. Alex begins Latin next month!

Tori (and Aaron) have convergence insufficiency and begin vision therapy in January. It’s SO expensive and TRICARE doesn’t pay for it.

Alex played baseball for two years in Germany and just played fall baseball here in Ohio and really loves it. He’s already enrolled for spring season. He likes playing catcher, short stop, and first base.

Liz is realizing how broken people are, being in customer service at Kroger. Who knew people were so angry about grocery shopping? We have amazing conversations about relationships and integrity.

Tori is becoming quite the artist. Katie’s sense of humor is disarming. Alex is very active and talkative, asking questions about everything.

They all constantly surprise me.

I found a lovely hair stylist and got my hair done for the first time in forever!

We’re excited to rebuild our essential oils and natural living home business. We couldn’t do a home business in Germany due to taxes. The blog business is coming along nicely. I mostly break even, with a little extra to pay for Netflix and Spotify services.

I got a post republished on For Every Mom and some on Military Bridge. That’s pretty exciting!

Aaron is a Lt. Colonel select and will most likely pin on in March!

It’s certainly been an adjustment for us to be back in the States.

The kids had lots more freedom in Europe and were treated more respectfully than here. Europeans trust kids more and are typically delighted by them instead of seeing them as a burden or bad.

Airfare was super cheap in Europe, and we miss the ease of traveling. We miss the food for sure. The holidays seem uneventful after the Christmas we spent in Rome and Maui.

Water is very expensive here. Our utility bills are so high! And in a wry turn of events, BAH actually goes down in 2018, so we will still not break even on our rent. Our goal is to be debt-free, and we currently only have our minivan payment and one low-interest loan. We don’t use credit cards! It’s important to teach our kids financial freedom.

We don’t mail out holiday cards anymore since they seem a waste these days. We’re minimizing and simplifying.

We made some cookies to give to neighbors, but we ate them…so now we have to make more!

We’ve had a busy year.

We don’t measure ourselves by grades, trophies, or awards.

We measure our growth in how much kindness we can give to others.

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How to Apologize

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It seems that lots of people say sorry, but they really mean “sorry, not sorry.” It’s like a bad joke, but so many people don’t know how to properly apologize. Or they don’t want to or care to make amends in their relationships. That’s just selfish.They blame others. They don’t accept responsibility for doing anything wrong. They actually blame their victims. There’s a lack of empathy.

Victims can’t accept a flippant “sorry” when they need a heartfelt apology.

And the accusers wonder why everyone is so angry.

We seem to live in a society of anger and unforgiveness. There’s little empathy.

Nobody is perfect. We make mistakes. We act stupid. We say dumb things in mean ways.

We need healthy relationships to be happy and that means we apologize when we do wrong and make amends.

Too many of us never learned how to apologize.

We would screw up and our parents or teachers or whatever authority would threaten us and make us say, “Sorry.” It didn’t matter if we meant it. As long as we said it, there were few or no consequences.

So we never learned how to apologize. We never learned the difference between sorry and a real apology. We didn’t learn well enough the concepts of empathy or right from wrong. We might not have learned self-control. We might not have learned cause and effect.

We struggle or fail in our relationships now.

But there are consequences. Eventually, the heart hardens and realizes sorry isn’t good enough.

Broken promises, lying, cheating, the cycles of abuse…

Our society has become numb to sorry.

What is sorry?

Feeling distress, compassion, regret, penitence, guilt, sympathy, pity.

“I’m sorry” is only appropriate when no one is really at fault and there aren’t any reparations.

We say it when we accidentally brush up against someone in a crowded store. We say it when we arrive a few minutes late. “Sorry, please excuse me.”

We also say it to express empathy when something bad has happened and there are no other words that make sense: “I’m sorry for your loss.”

We say it when we didn’t hear or understand: “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

What is an apology?

It’s a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure.

It’s more than just saying “I’m sorry.”

It’s more than regret over getting caught doing something wrong.

It’s realizing there was an offense.

It’s recognizing guilt, repenting, and expressing grief over the affront to another.

An object lesson:

Throw a dish to the ground.

Did it break?

Now, tell it you’re sorry.

Is it the same as it was?

Do you understand now?

Don’t make the kids say they’re sorry.

We’ve all been there. Maybe we’ve done this.

Kids do something thoughtless or even mean.

We expect them to be and say “sorry.” We want to teach manners and social acceptance.

Making kids say they’re sorry doesn’t teach them anything.

Making kids say they’re sorry is more about us than them.

What to do instead of making kids say they’re sorry?

  • Role model.
  • Affirm feelings.
  • Offer choices.
  • Let them work it out on their own.

How to apologize:

A real apology shows remorse, accepts responsibility, expresses empathy, asks forgiveness, and makes reparation.

Accidents happen. We speak harshly. We hurt those we love most. We forget important events. We are too often thoughtless.

Apologizing sincerely and completely helps to show how important relationships are to us and helps us to heal our hurts and prevent new harm.

Remorse

This is regret over a wrongdoing. It’s the first step in an apology. It’s more than just a quick “I’m sorry” and wanting to hurriedly move on.

Too many never get to the other stages of apology, remaining stuck here and getting angry at the victim for being upset for desiring more closure.

Responsibility

The apologizer must accept responsibility for a wrong committed. A victim must hear and understand the sincerity of the person expressing fault. It’s never comfortable, but it is very necessary.

Empathy

This is expressing understanding of another’s feelings. To realize that the victim is hurt by one’s actions or words is an important step in a real apology. Many scoff at apologies, using sarcasm or gaslighting techniques to minimize feelings and reactions. This is harmful and shatters relationships.

Forgiveness

It’s important to forgive to complete the closure process when one is hurt. This is seldom an instant feeling or action. A victim must feel safe and realize the sincerity of the apologizer not to repeat the words or actions. Sometimes, praying together helps healing.

Reparation

Sometimes, there is nothing that can make it right. Words can’t be taken back. Actions remain a vivid memory. True repentance is important. It’s more than flowers and chocolates to get out of the doghouse. It takes lots of work – daily, hourly, every minute – showing love and desire to heal relationships.

A genuine apology should say: “I realize and regret that I did or said {this} wrong. I validate your feelings about it. I won’t do it again. Please forgive me. How can I make it right?”

A great way to remember how to apologize is the PANDA method.

The best apology is changed behavior.

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5 Ways to Cultivate Relationships Over Stuff

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I have decided not to give our kids lots of presents.

My husband and I have long not given presents to each other to save money and to reduce clutter and stress. I want to reduce the quantity of presents on birthdays and Christmas.

For years, I said we would downsize Christmas and birthday present piles. Yet, I would weaken and buy stuff anyway.

Having four kids is expensive, and it’s hard to be fair and equal and equitable with different ages and interests.

And I have issues with stuff. I feel less than and so bought more to combat those feelings.

I loathe the expectations and inevitable disappointment.

We moved to Germany. We purged and sold loads of stuff before moving. I have no desire to re-clutter. We had little storage.

We purged again when we moved to Ohio.

I feel that having too much stuff is the root of discontent.

And I’m really tired of arguing about the cleaning up and the putting away.

So, again a great purge.

I’m being very intentional and proactive about what I purchase for our homeschool and for the kids to play with. Mostly, if we get something new, something old has to go.

I don’t really want underneath the Christmas tree to be empty or the birthday child to wake up with nothing to unwrap.

I just want those special days to be about more than stuff.

Because holidays should not be about stuff. Birthdays should celebrate the child. Thanksgiving should celebrate gratitude. Christmas should celebrate Jesus and love.

Celebrations should center on relationships.

(And food.)

I want to make memories with my kids and teach them the value of family.

I have lovely recollections of family gatherings, and since my kids live far from any extended family, I want to cultivate a loving home atmosphere with our little circle of six.

As with any worldly thing taken away, it should be replaced with a meaningful option.

Our goal is to be debt-free and Christmas is no exception.

When we lived in Germany, we traveled every Thanksgiving (Prague and Porto and Venice!) and Christmas (Rome!) and during birthday weeks. It was convenient and usually not very crowded, so we took advantage of these opportunities. It became a new tradition.

Now, we’re back in the States, in Ohio. And we have to reinvent our priorities again.

5 ways we cultivate relationships over stuff:

  1. Cooking and eating special meals together as a family, passing down fun recipes.
  2. Focusing on serving others instead of ourselves by donating our time and money.
  3. Attending religious services to worship, sing, celebrate, and fellowship.
  4. Creating new traditions for our family to promote togetherness, such as board game nights and movie nights, as well as nightly read alouds all year round.
  5. Making gratitude a lifestyle and teaching our kids how to be thankful for everything that comes from the Lord and content in all things.

Yes, this is difficult and I’m a work in progress!

We try to overcome the obstacles to being frugal or debt-free during holidays.

We read and worship through Advent. We learn about and celebrate the feast of Saint Nicholas. We don’t do Santa Claus. See how we celebrate a Christian Hanukkah!

I participate or lead a Blue Christmas service.

We read lots of Christmas and holiday books.

For us, books and apps and travel are great presents. We can never have too many books! The kids love educational apps on their iPads, and as they grow in knowledge and understanding, they need more mature learning games to replace the old games they’ve outgrown.

I only buy clothes as needed or when I find a great deal and know it will be needed soon. We don’t have too much storage for handmedowns.

I’ve never seen kids so excited about socks in my life, y’all.

I’d rather make travel memories with my kids than buy stuff that gets stuffed in a dresser or collects dust on a shelf. We’re trying to be minimalist and I hate dusting.

Presents are not the focus of our celebrations.

Guide for gift-giving:

  • Something they Want
  • Something to Wear
  • Something they Need
  • Something to Read

I like these simple wish lists and these printable wish lists to help kids focus on what’s important.

How do you focus on relationships instead of gifts during the holidays?

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Becoming a Gentler Mom

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I’m becoming a gentler mom.

I was spanked as a kid. I grew up in an authoritarian home.

I feared everything.

When I became a parent, I surely went overboard with strictness, trying to counter the Disneyland father visitation syndrome with my preschool daughter.

I briefly attended a church that lived by the principles in the Pearl child-training book. That was disastrous.

When my eldest child just turned fourteen, I realized I was losing her. Despite everything. Too little relationship, too late. Too much coercion into compliance and obedience when she was younger was leaving her confused and broken when she was gaining independence and making bigger decisions.

Children who are coerced into obedience develop a victim mentality.

Coerced kids often become rebellious teens. I’ve seen it with some of our aquaintance’s families.

I’m raising servant leaders and I won’t succeed with opposition-based leadership methods. I was losing the battle.

I need to become a gentler mom.


I witnessed power struggles between my husband and daughter. I see power struggles between my four kids. I power-struggle with my kids occasionally.

Are discipline and obedience the same thing?

Many Christian and secular parenting articles and books and leaders would say yes.

“Obedience is doing what you’re told, no matter what’s right. Morality is doing what’s right, no matter what you’re told.” L.R.Knost

Obedience is all about gaining control.

Discipline is all about cultivating a relationship.

Discipline and Disciple are from the Latin discipulus, meaning “student.”

As a homeschool mom, I certainly don’t expect my children to know everything. That’s the whole point of homeschooling them. Why do I expect their behavior to be perfect? Why do I expect them to know how to act in social situations, or to have self-control when they’re tired or hungry?

These are issues that even many adults can’t handle, much less children.

I must end my own selfishness and unrealistic expectations to disciple them, guide them, lead them.

I know many parents who are exhausted from the power struggles of getting their kids to clean up their stuff. They threaten, shame, punish, yell, spank, and follow through with the threats by getting rid of the stuff, as if that’s the culprit.

I’m not perfect. I used to be like that, but I’m changing as I realize these methods don’t work.

And the greatest manipulations of all?

Timeout.

Using the Bible as a weapon.

Forcing kids to clean the plate.

Making decisions for them that they can and should make themselves.

What lesson do we teach our kids?

Timeout sends the message that our love is conditional since isolation breeds fear and dissension.

Throwing the Bible around as a lesson to kids doesn’t make them understand or want to know Jesus. They learn to see Him as an extension of abusive authority.

Food issues become about control instead of loving hospitality and fellowship.

Kids who never make their own decisions grow up into adults who don’t know how to make wise decisions. They fall into addiction or promiscuity. They become victims.

Really, as parents, we need to separate our emotions and our past issues from our parenting.

I fear all these parents who don’t respect their children as people and command and demand and have little relationship with their kids. All in the name of Jesus.

And they wonder why they lose them to the world.

We parent from fear.

Fear that we’ll be like our parents or the kids will make the same mistakes we did, fear that our kids will harm themselves or others, fear that we’ll look bad.

It’s time to trust in God to put down fear and to parent from the heart.

That may make us unpopular. We may look bad on the outside. We’ll learn who our real friends are. And we’ll gain our children in the process.

What can we do?

Pray. Jesus is the gentlest parent.

Apologize. Tell children we haven’t loved well and we’re going to do better.

Deal with our past. Know our triggers and problems. Forgive ourselves. Relinquish control.

Parent with respect. Realize that children are thinking people who can make decisions for themselves, with our guidance instead of coercion and control.

What does this look like in our home?

Simplicity.

We threw out all the printables. Kids can learn on their own. It’s amazing to stand back and watch them explore their interests. I’m a guide, helping them in their research and finding materials for them. See how we learn.

Frugal.

It’s our goal to be debt-free. We constantly minimize to maintain our goals. It’s important to encourage our kids to see value in experiences instead of stuff. We don’t like clutter in our lives or hearts. See our frugal journey.

Discipleship.

Obedience is not wisdom. We focus on discipling and it’s a constant process, reevaluating and learning ourselves. We focus on relationships, self-control, and kindness.

Proactive.

I have to plan and be proactive for our family to stay healthy and happy. We don’t punish or reward or praise. Behavior issues are not to be punished, but are cries for connection. My favorite parenting book list.

We’re not perfect. It’s been a struggle sometimes. No one has all the answers. We certainly know what doesn’t work.

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