Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Going Home for the Last Time

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I got the call that no one wants to get on the afternoon of December 12, 2024.

A police officer called me at home to inform me my mother had a stroke and my father was confused and frantic with worry.

I tried to get all the necessary information from the policeman and my dad.

Emory University Hospital had called for a well check when they couldn’t reach my father by phone to get approval for an MRI.

My father said my mom fell and hit her head really bad while they were at a cabin in the mountains to look at flowers. In December. He said he took her to the nearest hospital and that she had been transferred. He claimed she was having surgery. This all sounded so odd to me. Why were my elderly parents in the mountains on a vacation so near Christmas and they told no one they were traveling and probably shouldn’t be driving at all?

I knew it was time.

My adult daughter and I drove from Dayton, Ohio, to Atlanta, Georgia. we didn’t know what we were walking into. We brought funeral clothes. We were terrified.

My father was given written directions to Emory University Hospital by the policeman. He also practiced calling me on my mom’s cell phone. I didn’t know what else to do. He wouldn’t use Uber or a taxi or wait for me. The policeman seemed confident that all was well.

What happened after that is stranger than fiction.

It was not well at all.

My dad never made it to Emory. He got very lost. I was trapped in a nightmare, trying to get to Georgia as soon as we could. It took three hours for my husband to coach him back home with multiple hang-ups and call drops. The traffic was “horrendous” and my father was confused and upset. I’m not sure how he managed to get home by himself the previous night.

My daughter and I arrived at my parents’ house late, after 10 PM. We didn’t know what to expect. Would the house be dark and locked? Was my father safe, asleep, or awake? Did he remember we were coming? Would he pull my grandpa’s .38 on me, thinking we were intruders? The policeman told him to put a key for me under the front door mat, but it wasn’t there.

Luckily, the lights were on, the garage door was up, and my dad was just sitting in his chair, watching TV.

He was so visibly relieved to see me and my daughter. I think he knew he was safe and we would take care of him and take him to visit his wife the next day.

We found three messages on the answering machine from my mother over the last two days and two messages from a nurse. He missed all those calls because he had been driving around, lost in Atlanta, the suburbs, almost to the South Carolina border, confused and worried – for two afternoons.

We asked for clarification for what had happened with my mother.

He told us they were sitting in their chairs, watching TV, when she started breathing strangely and looking oddly and wouldn’t answer him. He thought she was just snoozing, but “after four hours, he called 911.” He tried to follow the ambulance to the local ER, but got lost. He doesn’t know how he got home. Then he got lost trying to go to Emory in Atlanta, then lost again getting back home.

We all went to bed and got up the next morning. I called the nurse who had left a message and we spoke to my mother. Everyone was so relieved. I drove us all to visit my mother. Traffic in Atlanta is always stressful, but my father claimed it was “horrendous traffic” if he saw two cars nearby on the road.

My mother didn’t even understand the timeline, had thought she had been in the hospital for weeks.

My mother was very concerned about their monthly bills. She had never set up any payments for autopay, but did every little thing each month on her schedule. I logged into all her accounts and set up autopay. They had always complained they were on a fixed income, never had any money. Their idea of “having no money” is certainly very far from my idea of living paycheck to paycheck my entire adult life.

Physically, my mother is doing amazing. She hardly has any stroke symptoms. After several tests, she was cleared medically.

My mother’s hospital doctor refused to release her to come home unless I had a plan in place for her care. I was told they both should be in assisted living ASAP.

My parents refused and had sworn for years that they would never move out of their house. This humongous house was never my home. They sold the home I remember when I got married and moved away from Georgia. I have no memories of anything meaningful.

My daughter decided to stay to care for my parents. Everyone seemed excited about the plan. We thought maybe finally we could develop a relationship, forgive, and make some nice memories.

I made regular doctor appointments for Friday for both my parents. It was good I got a medical record update.

I learned my father had a memory change diagnosis in 2022. So, I think it was more like 2018 that he started showing symptoms, and I think it’s been bad for both of them since then and they never told me.

I didn’t realize the confusion for both my parents was so far gone. The stroke most likely exacerbated my mother’s mental condition. My father seemed to lose more and more of himself each day, like he didn’t have to hold back anymore.

It was like it went from zero to sixty in three days. They fed off each other and turned into the horrors I remember from a teenager. They were mean and nasty and name-calling and abusive. They screamed at me and threatened me and my daughter.

We didn’t realize how much care they both needed.

I knew I had to take over for my parents’ safety and well-being. I had assumed we could transition them into assisted living over the next year. We soon realized that was impossible.

Of course it got worse.

Because after my father called the police six times in five days, accusing me of all sorts of horrible misdeeds, I had to prove over and over that in spite of having virtually no relationship nor communication with my parents, they had indeed granted me control of their lives for this very instance that these events called for.

Thankfully, I found the binders in the office closet with copies of their wills, living trusts, POAs. My husband and I were joint POA, having been granted this privilege twenty years ago. I had been on their banking accounts for at least two decades.

I very quickly learned that no one would help me. The medical professionals kept informing me I needed neurology referrals. The police informed me they couldn’t do anything for me, my daughter, my husband, my parents unless there was an active murder or suicide taking place. The mental health hotlines couldn’t do anything other than talk to me with very condescending conversation or vet emergency services calls.

It was all so frustrating.

My daughter went back to Ohio and my husband joined me in Georgia.

They both were quite shocked to realize all the horror stories I have told them are all true. I am not just a spoiled only child who thought her parents were strict. My parents are abusive, emotionally immature, narcissistic and selfish.

I started keeping records of every little thing to build a case for assisted living. I didn’t realize how arduous a journey it would be to get them admitted.

I found and hid his guns and ammo in separate spots in the basement. It was sickening how much he had.

I hid all the car keys since it was obvious neither should drive anymore. I was told I needed a neurologist statement to take to DMV to make this official.

I barricaded the office and hid all their medicines so my father couldn’t pop Tylenol like candy.

My father could barely prepare toast or cereal or canned soup. He refused to eat anything I cooked.

She didn’t want to use her walker.

They both refused to bathe.

He started refusing to take his meds, claiming he didn’t know what I was giving him or why. He stopped sleeping and his eye got infected and I could tell he was feeling very bad.

I couldn’t convince my parents they needed more help than I could give them. They claimed they didn’t need any help. They just screamed I was stealing their cars and money. They didn’t want to see me. They wanted me to leave their house. I was trapped in two rooms and couldn’t leave them alone for their safety. My husband didn’t really understand or know what to do. No one was safe.

Two care homes refused to accept them since their dementia symptoms were too much. It took over thirteen days from home assessment to admission to the memory care facility.

Oh, and this entire ordeal happened over the Christmas and New Year holidays.

And no one works weekends either. My four kids spent the holidays alone. It was the longest I have ever been away from them. I was devastated. I was torn from having to do this for my own conscience even though my parents didn’t “deserve” my time or effort.

I had to do everything by phone and online. Their regular doctors refused to sign any paperwork. I had to contact the hospital doctor to sign for my mother. The facility had their contracted NP sign for my father. I had to get a mobile phlebotomist for TB tests and wait almost four days for those results. I had to sneak into their wallets for photos of their IDs and insurance cards.

I had to lie to get my parents in the car to drive them to the facility, telling them the doctor wanted to discuss their lab results. They were extremely anxious on the drive.

My father realized where we were after a few moments and started screaming at me so the nurse had to sneak me out a back door like I was Elvis.

I had to rush to pack up all their bedding and necessaries since I hadn’t been able to plan anything like a normal daughter with normal parents. It took multiple trips back and forth, thirty minutes one way.

My father refused to look at me. My mother turned on her charm for appearances, like always, but demanded items from home or for me to purchase. I told them I was driving back home, but I don’t know if they really understood.

They have enough income and savings and investments to pay for their own care in the memory care home for like fifty years. They have three medical insurances. But it’s frustrating for me to navigate all the bills for their care – the private memory care facility monthly fee, the prescription service monthly fee, the visiting nurse practitioner fees. And the recommended private home care aide for my father since he is still refusing to shower or eat.

We drove home to Ohio on 11 January. It was the first time seeing that Ohio sign on the river bridge that it felt like home to me.

It’s now been almost two months. My mother has called twice and I get texts from the director for my mother’s shopping list of snacks, drinks, underwear.

I am nothing but the keeper of funds now.

It’s both better and also worse than it ever was. I lost parents I never really had in the first place. There is no hope for reconciliation now. My kids never had grandparents.

This was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and it was made that much harder since my parents hate me.

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Best Books of 2024

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My Favorite Books I Read in 2024

I get a free eBook every month with Amazon Prime.

I love love love renting eBooks for Kindle or Libby from my local library.

I typically read about one book every week or two, sometimes more and sometimes less depending on my schedule.

I love historical fiction and scifi, but also I have been expanding into queer literature and memoirs and other genres. I still read school books with my kids too, even though they’re attending university now!

I didn’t realize that GoodReads has challenges, so I began that for the first time this year and it tracked my reading and gave me statistics.

I’ve read 77 books this year, but these stood out as my favorites.

The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese

Spanning the years 1900 to 1977, The Covenant of Water is set in Kerala, on South India’s Malabar Coast, and follows three generations of a family that suffers a peculiar affliction: in every generation, at least one person dies by drowning—and in Kerala, water is everywhere. At the turn of the century, a twelve-year-old girl from Kerala’s long-existing Christian community, grieving the death of her father, is sent by boat to her wedding, where she will meet her forty-year-old husband for the first time. From this unforgettable new beginning, the young girl—and future matriarch, known as Big Ammachi—will witness unthinkable changes over the span of her extraordinary life, full of joy and triumph as well as hardship and loss, her faith and love the only constants.

I loved his first book Cutting for Stone and this book is also wonderful and I loved the epic family legend and how everyone handled the “curse.”

Station Eleven: A Novel by Emily St. John Mandel

It is fifteen years after a flu pandemic wiped out most of the world’s population. Kirsten is an actress with the Traveling Symphony, a small troupe moving over the gutted landscape, performing Shakespeare and music for scattered communities of survivors. But when they arrive in the outpost of St. Deborah by the Water, they encounter a violent prophet who digs graves for anyone who dares to leave. Spanning decades, moving back and forth in time, and vividly depicting life before and after the disaster brought everyone here, this suspenseful, elegiac novel is rife with beauty, telling a story about the relationships that sustain us.

I love dystopian fiction and yes, it’s probably overdone with the pandemic but this book is lovely. I didn’t want this book to end and I realize there’s a show based on it.

Herland by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Herland, Gilman’s most famous novel, is a feminist utopian comedy in which three men stumble upon a society of women that has banished men. Also included in this Penguin Twentieth-Century Classics edition is a selection of Gilman’s poetry and other short fiction. Gilman scholar Denise D. Knight has written an enlightening Introduction that explores Gilman’s use of the utopian form, satire, and fantasy to provide a critique of women’s place in society and to propose creative solutions.

I enjoyed the psychology explored in this novel and can’t stop thinking about the events that took place. I just found out there is a trilogy.

The Boys from Brazil: A Novel by Ira Levin

Alive and hiding in South America, the fiendish Nazi Dr. Josef Mengele gathers a group of former colleagues for a horrifying project―the creation of the Fourth Reich. Barry Kohler, a young investigative journalist, gets wind of the project and informs famed Nazi hunter Ezra Lieberman, but before he can relay the evidence, Kohler is killed.

Thus Ira Levin opens one of the strangest and most masterful novels of his career. Why has Mengele marked a number of harmless aging men for murder? What is the hidden link that binds them? What interest can they possibly hold for their killers: six former SS men dispatched from South America by the most wanted Nazi still alive, the notorious “Angel of Death“? One man alone must answer these questions and stop the killings―Lieberman, himself aging and thought by some to be losing his grip on reality.

I’m a little obsessed with Ira Levin’s novels and I’ve read most of them. They are nontraditional horror and quite chilling to think about.

The Moonflowers: A Novel by Abigail Rose-Marie

Tig Costello has arrived in Darren, Kentucky, commissioned to paint a portrait honoring her grandfather Benjamin. His contributions to the rural Appalachian town and his unimpeachable war service have made him a local hero. But to Tig, he’s a relative stranger. To find out more about him, Tig wants to talk to the person who knew her grandfather best: Eloise Price, the woman who murdered him fifty years ago.

Still confined to a state institution, Eloise has a lifetime of stories to tell. She agrees to share them all―about herself, about Tig’s enigmatic grandmother, and about the other brave and desperate women who passed through Benjamin’s orbit. Most revealing of all is the truth about Whitmore Halls, the mansion on the hill that was home to triage, rescue, death, and one inevitable day that changed Eloise’s life forever.

As Tig begins to piece together the puzzle of her mysterious family tree, it sends her spiraling toward a confrontation with her own painful past―and a reconciliation with all its heartrending secrets.

I didn’t want to like this book and it was slow at times and the characters could’ve been more vibrant, but the story was great.

I’m working through another reading challenge this year and I plan to try to read at least 100 books!

What was your favorite book this year?

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How to Plan Burial and Funeral Services While Grieving

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Planning a funeral and burial service can be one of the most emotionally taxing experiences, especially while grieving the loss of a loved one. In Virginia, the process may seem overwhelming, but knowing your options and creating a plan can help honor your loved one while navigating the emotional complexities of grief. This article provides an overview of burial and funeral services in Virginia and practical tips to plan during such a challenging time. 

Understanding Burial and Funeral Services in Virginia

 Virginia offers a range of burial and funeral service options to suit various cultural, religious, and personal preferences. Services can be as traditional or personal as you would like, allowing families to pay their respects meaningfully. 

Burial Options

Traditional Burial:

Traditional burial services often include a casket, a graveside ceremony, and an interment in a cemetery. Virginia has many cemeteries, including public, private, and veteran cemeteries like the Virginia Veterans Cemetery in Amelia. Families may choose between single or family plots.

Green Burial:

For those seeking an eco-friendly option, Virginia allows green burials in designated natural burial grounds. This option foregoes embalming fluids, metal caskets, and concrete vaults, preserving the environment.

Cremation Burial:

Cremated remains can be buried in a cemetery plot or a columbarium. Many families choose this option because it is flexible and lower-cost.

Funeral Services

Traditional Funeral Services:

These typically include a viewing or visitation, a formal ceremony, and a graveside service. Religious or cultural practices can be incorporated to reflect the deceased’s beliefs.

Memorial Services:

Memorial services are held after the burial or cremation and can occur at various locations, including homes, places of worship, or outdoor venues.

Celebration of Life:

This service takes a more personalized approach and highlights the deceased’s life and achievements, often with storytelling, music, and unique rituals.

Planning While Grieving: Practical Steps

Grieving a loved one can cloud decision-making, making funeral planning especially challenging. These steps can help guide the process.

Seek Support

Grief can be isolating, but you don’t have to plan alone. Rely on family members, friends, or clergy to share the responsibilities. Professional funeral directors in Virginia are also experienced in assisting families during difficult times and can help with logistical and emotional support.

Understand Legal Requirements

Virginia law has specific requirements for burials and cremations:

  • Death Certificate: Obtain a death certificate from the local health department, as it is needed for burial or cremation.
  • Permits: Cremation requires authorization from the medical examiner.
  • Burial on Private Property: Families may opt for burial on private property but must adhere to local zoning laws.

A funeral director can ensure these legalities are handled efficiently so you can focus on other arrangements.

Set a Budget

Funeral costs in Virginia can vary widely depending on the services and burial options chosen. On average, traditional funerals cost between $7,000 and $12,000, while cremation services are often less expensive. Determine your budget early and discuss costs with the funeral home to avoid unexpected expenses.

Choose the Right Funeral Home

Virginia has numerous reputable funeral homes offering comprehensive services. Look for a licensed provider with experience in accommodating your specific needs, whether a traditional ceremony or a culturally specific service.

Personalize the Service

Adding personal touches can make the service more meaningful. Consider including:

  • A photo slideshow or video montage.
  • Music that reflects the deceased’s personality.
  • Readings or eulogies from loved ones.
  • Special rituals, such as planting a tree in their honor.

Plan Ahead if Possible

If your loved one expressed specific wishes for their burial or funeral, incorporate those into the planning. Pre-planning services, offered by many funeral homes, can ease the burden on grieving families by documenting preferences in advance.

Coping with Grief While Planning

 Grief is a natural response to loss, but it can complicate the decision-making process. Here are ways to cope while managing funeral arrangements:

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Allow yourself to grieve. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or seek moments of quiet reflection. Recognizing your emotions can prevent them from becoming too overwhelming.

Take Breaks

Planning a funeral can feel like an endless list of tasks. Take breaks to rest, hydrate, or spend time with loved ones. Small moments of self-care can recharge your energy.

Ask for Help

Delegate tasks to others. Family members or friends may be willing to handle tasks like selecting flowers, coordinating with the funeral home, or arranging transportation.

Seek Professional Grief Support

Consider speaking to a grief counselor or joining a support group. Virginia offers numerous resources, including local support groups, faith-based organizations, and online communities.

Final Thoughts

 Planning a burial or funeral service in Virginia while grieving is undoubtedly difficult, but it is also an opportunity to honor your loved one and find closure. Understanding the options available and taking practical steps can ease the burden. Remember, you are not alone—lean on family, friends, and professionals to help you navigate this journey with love and compassion.

Creating a meaningful farewell honors their life and begins the healing process.

 

 

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Unplugging

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Maybe not enough years ago…I realized I don’t have to participate.

How many decisions about life, job, health, or children are we making out of peer or family pressure? We can model the change we want for ourselves and for our children to see.

There is no village and I don’t want to be a part of the mom society I see online and in our community.

The only point to therapy other than trauma processing is to learn how to acclimate to our sick society. I tried several times and it was always disappointing. I shouldn’t have to be medicated to succeed. Perhaps our society’s values should change?

I don’t have to view advertisements and I sure don’t have to purchase items or services. We are a capitalist consumer society but I don’t have to consume. It’s not a competition.

I don’t have to read blogs or articles or news reports. It’s getting harder to discern what is even real anymore.

I don’t have to care about having an aesthetic or brands or labels.

I don’t care about what’s popular or trendy. I didn’t care when I was seventeen, but I was ostracized and alienated so I tried to periodically fit in and then wondered why I got so depressed. I feel more myself now that I’ve given up on keeping up.

I can remove all expectations that society places on me as a woman and wife and mother.

I lurk in online groups for mothers and military spouses and homeschoolers. It is depressing how many questions there are in these anonymous settings about how to keep up with this rat race society instead of slowing down and being original or fighting oppression. I’ve had posts deleted that don’t align with their worldview the admins claimed were “unkind.” I feel like an anthropologist. They just crave confirmation bias. Don’t we all? But no one is fighting against abuse and control. OMG so many of these moms seem like they hate their kids.

I have snoozed every single company or profile in my FB feed wanting to laminate my brows, extend my lashes, inject or fill my face, remove my blemishes, blonde my hair, clean my house, detail my car, vacuum my air ducts, steam my carpet, clear my yard, pressure wash my driveway, or offering cottage baked goods. It’s excessive how many side hustles there are and I wonder how many are even legit companies and I see a lot of scam complaints. It’s sad that people have to do this to try to survive financially.

I deleted my Twitter with the new TOS about AI with no options. I really don’t utilize social media the way many of my peers, family members, or acquaintances do. I don’t post many pictures of my family or selfies. I don’t like bragging or fishing for engagement. I seldom crowdsource because I don’t need that kind of affirmation. I am only on Facebook to keep up with my cousins. I have 41 “friends” who consist of relatives by blood and marriage, my daughter’s roommates, past students, and ten actual IRL friends. I follow a few pages of organizations I like. I’m considering deleting Instagram, because it’s worthless since it’s just reels and screenshots. It seems that many parents don’t see the irony of using their smartphones, tablets, social media while ridiculing their kids and teens for the exact same thing. Many youths really don’t use social media the same way adults do and that’s fine. Forbidding it or limiting it or using it as a punishment tool will backfire.

I can decorate my house however I want to with no guilt or pressure from an aesthetic look or sad beige club. I don’t want my house to look like a dentist office. I like retro decor for memories and antique well-made items instead of the “fast fashion decor garbage.” I saw someone say they didn’t want dirty old things in their house and I feel sad for her in her sterile house. Why are all these dinner reels just empty kitchens with two utensils and four neutral dog dishes to feed her little Stepford family?

I don’t have to have the newest or latest technology. I reluctantly have one television in our basement and all the stupid streaming services. We have a Wii and Switch. Everyone in my little family has an iPad and smartphone. We have computers. I don’t see the need to upgrade every year.

I don’t shop in stores or online for entertainment. I actually hate shopping. But I’ve also never used a meal or grocery delivery or Doordash or the like. I like thrifting and antique malls.

I don’t do brunch. I’m not a morning person and I have absolutely no desire to wake up and get dressed and go out in public and deal with people while uncaffeinated. I don’t even eat out, except very, very rarely, and only at like two or three places. I have a well-stocked pantry, freezer, and bar so I cook breakfast and dinner every single day and I make my own drinks. My kids have packed lunches during their classes at a local university. I don’t think I know anyone who actually cooks real food. They’re too busy or it’s not worth the effort or some such excuse.

I think people get offended when we aren’t ashamed of things that they were taught to be ashamed of and they resent us for not caring what everybody thinks.

I don’t have to be a puppet of capitalism or whatever society says I should be or do.

I feel at peace being unplugged.

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Winter Gear for Sports Parents

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I am not made for cold weather.

Many sports begin in one season and end in another. Often, there is wind and rain, even sleet or snow at the beginning of baseball season! Sometimes, it seems as if that is the same day.

I recently wrote about Summer Gear for Sports Parents. Obviously heat can be dangerous and we need to make sure we stay cool with rising temperatures. But being cold is miserable.

I want to support and cheer for my kids while staying warm and dry.

I’ve loved seeing my kids play soccer and baseball and do ice skating. I’m so proud of all they have tried and learned and how they continue to improve in their endeavors.

Baseball is normally a warm weather sport, but there have been times in early spring or late fall that have been miserably cold and wuthery. Also, ice skating rinks are often very cold for spectators. I like being prepared and staying warm.

Winter Gear for Sports Parents

Clothing

Blankets

Tents

Seating

Warmers

Snacks and Drinks

I don’t like being cold and I am not made for winter. These items help me to cheer on the sidelines for my kids playing sports in cold weather.

Do you have tips for cold weather gear?

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Bombarded with Ads

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We are ravaged by advertisements – everywhere, all the time, all at once.

It’s often difficult for kids to discern what’s real, good, wholesome, worthwhile.

It’s even getting harder for adults not to get swept up in the idyllic reality that ads portray.

Most families have computers, video game consoles, radio, TVs, satellite services, tablets, smart phones.

And on all those devices, subscriptions, and services are ads, ads, ads.

It was just a few years ago that we didn’t even have a TV and the kids were too young for phones. I monitored very closely what we consumed on computers and tablets. Ads didn’t seem to be as much of a problem then.

The kids didn’t get phones or social media until they were 13-14 years old. I don’t use monitoring apps or software. I don’t make them work for screen access.

If they don’t learn how to manage their own screen behaviors now, how can I expect them to as adults or in other aspects of their lives? We have constant discussions about safety and healthy online activities.

I desperately try to keep up-to-date on the newest and latest trends so I am aware of the dangers and exposures. Sometimes, my kids aren’t interested in the fads.

Who protects us?

In the United States, advertisements marketed to children were limited between 1946 and 1983. With the Children’s Television Act, which was introduced in 1990, and strengthened in August 1996, legislation once again became stricter.

In the United Kingdom, Greece, Denmark, and Belgium advertising to children is restricted. In Norway, Sweden and the Canadian province of Quebec, advertising to children under the age of twelve is illegal.

I remember all the ads targeting children when I watched Saturday morning cartoons or shows after school. There were even more ads after we got cable when I was a teen. But I knew these were ads. I knew they were products to be purchased in a store – cereal, toys, candy, snacks, tangible things.

Many of the ads we are constantly exposed to now are not tangible – they’re crypto currency, betting sites, debt consolidation, paycheck advances, online puzzles and games – with in-app purchases, eBooks, webinars, online programming, podcasts, and other electronic products and services.

I’ve noticed lately that the ads are getting sneakier. They look like game updates or prompts that you have to click through to continue playing or watching. They’re getting more and more subtle to trick us into clicking.

I’m tired of all the Temu, gambling, and Experian video ads. It didn’t used to be this way. I can’t even view the weather without waiting minutes to get through the dumb ads.

Many blogs and “news” sites have really ridiculous popup ads that make it frustrating to click through to just read the thing. I’m sorry if this blog has popups and annoying ads. I do try to fix the settings, but they keep updating faster than I can keep up.

And to make it even worse, we have to click multiple X’s to get back to our game or show, and they seem to get smaller and smaller and harder to find within the ad. Is that the tiny close button in the top right corner and the same color as the screen image? If our fingertip even slightly misses the mark, the ad opens to a purchase site or popup box. And often that is difficult to close too. It’s so frustrating.

How do we protect ourselves and our families from ads?

If we don’t pay close attention or encrypt our devices with multiple layers of passcode protection, we or our kids could accidentally purchase ridiculous items or services or extras we have no need or use for – and there are no refunds.

It’s easy to unsubscribe from emails or snail mail ads. I love when I can skip commercials while watching a movie or show, but that’s getting less and less possible. We can sometimes pause our show, but it makes us still watch the ads if we resume it.

With all the streaming services and interruptions with so many obnoxious ads every few minutes, I long for the old days of simple network and cable TV. What has even happened to YouTube? It’s terrible!

Most online ads target us directly from online algorithms based on our search and social media history. This makes us more willing to click through or view the adverts or even make a purchase. Some of us are more susceptible than others.

Holiday displays and ads seem to begin earlier and earlier each year. Even my teen daughter noticed that Halloween stuff starts immediately or simultaneously with back-to-school time. This is surely about capitalism and attempts to stretch the seasons for more money making opportunities.

We’ve experienced cultural shifts due to advertisements.

We have holidays and traditions based on ads in recent decades. Every week, I go to the grocery store, and there are ads about a new holiday I’ve never heard of and themed flowers and sweets they’re urging us to purchase in a front display.

What we can do to protect our families from ads

Remove apps

With multiple devices, I often curate apps and use my tablet just for reading or watching shows. I remove shopping apps from phones and tablets which helps reduce temptation.

Unsubscribe

Manage emails, texts, digital footprints that target us. Sure, we often get a coupon or discount for inputting our email or cell number. But, it’s easy to forget to unsubscribe later.

Pass protection

Make sure sensitive information is protected with passcodes or other identifiers. With each new software update, device settings seem to get more complicated and harder to find and fix everything where I want it. I don’t want surprise in-app purchases or items delivered that I didn’t even know had been bought.

Educate ourselves and our kids

My kids are learning what ads are and how insidious they can sometimes look. They are camouflaged within the apps and games and they know not to click those or ask for me to pay for these extras. Update ad settings on social media and apps to make sure there is nothing inappropriate coming through.

Purchase ad-free upgrades on games or streaming services

This is probably the easiest option, but it can get pricy. We have to keep up with the newest technology and figure out what is worth it for us. It’s a good option for less worry.

With so much new technology, we must be diligent to protect our families as we enjoy the conveniences.

Resources:

  • Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman
  • American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers by Nancy Jo Sales
  • Disconnected: Youth, New Media, and the Ethics Gap by Carrie James
  • Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other by Sherry Turkle
  • It’s Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens by danah boyd
  • iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy–and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood–and What That Means for the Rest of Us by Jean M. Twenge, PhD
  • The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt
  • Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit by Richard Louv
  • Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross
  • Hands Free Life: Nine Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better, and Loving More by Rachel Macy Stafford
  • Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters! by Rachel Macy Stafford

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Favorite Baseball Gear

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My son has been playing baseball since he was a toddler.

He moved up from TBall to coach pitch to rec kid pitch to elite travel ball.

He’s played fall ball and attended camps and training days and prospect days and takes private lessons for pitching and hitting.

He lives and breathes for baseball.

I’ve witnessed him grow and learn and excel and fail. We’ve had great coaches and bad coaches and indifferent and reluctant coaches. We’ve played on “Daddy Ball” teams and he tried out for teams that didn’t choose him for whatever reason and he’s had a team dissolved after he played a season.

He’s chosen to stay on a D2 team for three years now because the coaching is consistent and fair and kind. He’s had invitations and opportunities to try out or play for other organizations and teams and he’s come home to say that he won’t continue that route.

I am so proud that he has integrity.

He’s a leader for his team, taking care of his teammates if they get injured, sick, hot, hungry, thirsty, or discouraged while always cheering loudly for all their individual and team successes.

Our favorite baseball gear:

Decor

Training

Game Gear

Recovery

My son needs new cleats and turf shoes every year. He needs a different bat this year and whew are those expensive. The gloves and pads and protective gear wears out quickly.

There are lots of various gear for sports and fitness. I’m glad my other kids don’t play team sports with lots of gear!

What is your favorite sports gear?

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Summer Gear for Sports Parents

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I grew up in a world where only rich kids played sports or did activities before junior high.

While I longed to dance ballet, learn horseback riding, take piano and art lessons, those opportunities were not accessible to me.

I’ve reluctantly been a sports parent since my eldest was a toddler.

I wanted to offer as many opportunities to my kids as I could, so they could eventually choose what they loved. I never forced my kids to participate, but we encouraged them to finish out the season or lesson period.

I’m not a stage mom or whatever.

Liz hated TBall from the moment we signed her up and we didn’t bother forcing it or the other to play. Alex lives and breathes baseball. All my kids tried gymnastics and Tori excels at aerial arts. All my kids tried soccer and Liz and Akantha loved it until about age 12, when it became increasingly competitive. Liz and Tori loved track, but injuries forced them to quit. We took some very informal homeschool figure skating lessons years ago, and Akantha fell in love with it and takes lessons for the past few years.

I don’t post much about my kids online anymore, but I wish I could brag about how well they do in our homeschool, in college, in their activities and sports! I am a very proud parent.

Many evenings and weekends are spent at lessons, practices, and tournaments. I want to stay cool and not get overheated when there is often nary a breeze or shade. I have to monitor my coach husband and son out there on the field and in the dugout to make sure they are managing to stay cool.

Baseball is usually a warm weather sport. We have had some games in early spring and during fall season play that are quite chilly and wuthery. But, usually, we have to find ways to stay cool in summer during baseball practices, games, tournaments, and camps.

Summer Gear for Sports Parents

Wagons

Wagons are pretty essential to haul all the gear from the minivan or SUV to the field and dugout and bleachers. I’ve seen some fantastic wagons that do double duty as child strollers and tables and more.

Sun Protection

Shade

Many families invest in shade tents and they certainly help and can be shared with family and friends.

Seating

I love a rocking chair and I love chairs with sunshades and cup holders.

Cooling Towels and More

Fans

Snacks and Drinks

These items have been great for the boys on the team, and for the coaches, parents, families, and friends to stay cool during hot summer games and tournaments.

What’s your favorite tip to stay cool?

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Restoration and Recovery: Essentials for Protecting Your Home from Water Damage

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We’ve experienced two homes with water damage.

Our first was a huge basement flood in Utah on Memorial Day morning. We woke up to snow and too much groundwater with nowhere to go. There were lots of flooded basements in the valley that day.

Last year, we had a small leak in the cellar of our Ohio home. It was because the bathtub/shower unit in the basement bathroom had cracked. It had never been properly installed, so it was a miracle it had lasted as long as it did and we only had minimal damage. Our daughter got a remodeled bathroom!

Water damage can be scary, but there are ways to prevent and limit these issues.

Key Takeaways

  • Gaining insights on proactively preventing water damage and protecting your home’s sanctity.
  • Exploring various tools and strategies professionals utilize in the water damage restoration process.
  • Navigating the aftermath of water damage, from recovery to dealing with insurance claims.
  • Empowering homeowners with the knowledge to better fortify their homes against future water-related incidents.

Water damage is one of the most prevalent and destructive issues homeowners can face. It’s a pervasive problem that can cause immediate visual blights, profound structural damage, and health risks from mold and mildew. Therefore, it is essential to respond swiftly to water damage Kent area and understand the avoidance measures and procedures involved in water damage restoration. By acknowledging the myriad risks, one can be better prepared to protect and maintain their property’s condition over the long term.

Understanding the Risks of Water Damage

Water damage can manifest from various sources, ranging from natural disasters like flash floods and hurricanes to more commonplace household mishaps such as leaking pipes, malfunctioning appliances, and poor drainage systems. The consequences of letting water damage go unchecked are dire. Structural damages include compromised foundations and rotten woodwork, which can lead to longer-term issues. Beyond the visible decay lurks a sinister threat to your health in the form of mold and pathogens in stagnant water. In such cases, not only does the structural integrity of your home suffer, but also, the air you breathe becomes a silent hazard.

Proactive Measures to Safeguard Your Home

Preemptive actions significantly lower the peril of water damage. Regular inspection of your property’s roofing, plumbing, and drainage systems can help nip potential problems in the bud. Acquainting yourself with your home’s nooks and crannies enables early detection of moisture seepage. Moreover, installing water detection systems provides an additional layer of security, alerting homeowners at the first sign of trouble. A keen eye for detail and routine checks can prove pivotal in securing your dwelling from water damage’s intrusive and often destructive nature.

Immediate Response: Crucial Steps When Water Damage Occurs

Immediate response can drastically mitigate the impacts of water damage. Once you observe or suspect water-related issues, swift action can mean the difference between a quick fix and extensive, costly restoration. The first course of action is to stop the source of water ingress. This could mean turning off the main water supply in case of a burst pipes or securing a breach of external water sources. Removing valuables and furniture from affected areas and drying them off can help preserve your belongings. In the face of severe water intrusion, your next move should be to contact specialized restoration services that can manage the situation professionally and eliminate the likelihood of long-term damage and health risks associated with mold growth.

Tools of the Trade: What Professionals Use in Water Damage Restoration

Water restoration experts are equipped with specialized tools to combat water damage effectively. Submersible pumps, heavy-duty dehumidifiers, and air movers form the frontline to draw out water and moisture from your premises. Professionals also employ advanced techniques such as infrared thermography to detect hidden moisture without invasive procedures. These high-tech instruments enable experts to precisely assess the damage and strategize an effective restoration plan, ensuring every affected area is addressed thoroughly to thwart subsequent moisture-related issues.

The Recovery Journey: Resuming Normalcy Post Water Damage

After water damage, the recovery begins once the immediate crises are resolved. This phase might involve detailed assessments of the harm inflicted, interactions with insurance companies for claims, and the planning of repair works. Recovery is not just a physical process; it’s also about emotional resilience. Coping with the upheaval and the uncertainty that comes with repairs and restorations can be a challenging experience for many. Solidarity from family and community and adept guidance from recovery professionals can significantly ease this journey, helping restore those affected’s physical edifice and peace of mind.

Financial Considerations: Insurance and Water Damage

Water damage incidents can swiftly become hefty financial burdens without adequate insurance coverage. Grappling with insurance claims, however, can be daunting for most. It’s pivotal to thoroughly understand your policy’s fine print—knowing what constitutes a covered peril, policy limits, and the procedures for filing a claim can streamline the process. In the face of a water damage incident, solid documentation of losses can significantly assist in quickly resolving claims, allowing you to focus on the material recovery. Maintaining good communication with your insurer and restoration professionals can further smoothen the claims process.

Learning from Experience: How to Strengthen Your Home Against Future Water Damage

Lessons from water damage incidents should enhance your home’s defenses. Upgraded building techniques, thoughtful landscapes, and maintenance of water-bearing systems can reduce the risk of future water-related disasters, providing homeowners with peace of mind. For additional guidance on handling water damage recovery, visit the EPA’s official page devoted to flood cleanup and protecting indoor air quality. When addressing the aftereffects of flooding, the CDC’s cleanup advice can be invaluable to ensure a safe process for you and your family.

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Childcare Crisis

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My parents never engaged a babysitter for me.

I remember going to after school daycare for a few months after my mother returned to work when I was about ten to eleven years old. I begged to be a latchkey kid and they finally relented.

I remember babysitting for neighbors when I was probably about twelve years old. The couple left for a very long time and there were at least four kids under age nine. There was no food in that house. This was in 1988. There was no cable TV, no internet.

The eldest child told me I could get more money if I cleaned up. I swept their kitchen. There wasn’t much to clean. There wasn’t much to do. I felt responsible for keeping those kids safe and occupied. I remember spinning them on the floor in a papasan. The little one started crying because she was hungry. I traipsed all of them next door to my house and I asked my parents for a banana or something to feed that child. They soon moved away and I worry about them still.

I babysat for neighbors all throughout my teens, mostly good experiences that paid well for very little effort. Often, I would arrive as the babies or children were getting ready for bedtime. As I became more experienced, I would feed and ready kids for bed, then read or watch TV. I never felt comfortable eating the snacks or drinking the soda or whatever the parents left for me. Often the dads would drive me home, even though I was perfectly capable of walking.

I paid maybe $350/month for full-time daycare and preschool for my daughter when I was a teacher in Georgia in the early 2000s. Shoutout to Ms. Divina and Mrs. Kristie!

We had a lovely babysitter, Erin, when we lived in Hawaii and we paid her well and our kids loved her and she loved my kids. I trusted her. It was only a few times in the evenings so my husband and I could go out.

Since we homeschool, we never needed to worry about regular child care. I can’t imagine having to pay for regular childcare for my four kids. Thankfully, they’re all teens and young adults now.

When my eldest daughter became a teen, I was worried about having her babysit. She wanted to make her own money and there aren’t many ways for tweens and teens to do that, and certainly not in another country. We lived in Germany at the time, so the only families she babysat for were other American military families who lived on the nearby bases. We signed up for a babysitter training day with the Red Cross. They certify kids over age twelve in CPR and basic child care.

Unfortunately, I ended that little job when a mother required my fifteen-year-old daughter to babysit her special needs medically fragile epileptic toddler – with no instructions, no access to a phone or communications, no medical expertise, and no emergency information – for $5/hour. I imagined horror stories if something happened to that baby and my daughter couldn’t contact someone.

When we moved back to the States, to Ohio, I realized that few parents are willing to pay well for childcare – $5 was the norm per kid – and my teens were expected to cook, supervise those meals, clean up from meals and play, sometimes bathe, and get kids in bed and asleep – before the parents returned. My teens babysat a couple times before deciding it wasn’t worth the effort.

A local pastor did pay my teen about $10-20 an hour for one vegan toddler, but they had two rambunctious dogs, so she chose not to continue that business deal after a couple times – because of the untrained dogs.

During the pandemic quarantine, I noticed so many parents realizing that is not feasible to work from home, have their children learn online at home, and also care for homes. I do understand that if a model is working or at least familiar, and then that is removed, it is very stressful. So many families couldn’t get any child care when they returned to work. Other families couldn’t pay for child care if their jobs were terminated.

There is a childcare crisis in this country.

Children delight me with their brazenness and eye contact and how they say and do the most unexpected things. They cannot and should not be controlled. So many children are destroyed by school systems and societal systems and religious systems, by those same system values perpetuated at home. The system is broken and is working exactly as it was designed to work.

I see oodles of posts in the city and mommy Facebook groups begging for babysitters, nannies, and whatnot – all year long, but especially now that it’s spring and summer is looming. These parents are desperate for camps, nannies, day care, something – for their children over summer while they are at work.

Some of the posts are interesting and the requirements are a bit outrageous.

I’m sure these parents are super nice. I wonder if it’s even worth the money.

It’s normal and natural that people want the most value for the least money. But a true caregiver has to be insured and have some kind of access to social benefits. For most, it is just a glorified part time job for cash.

Babysitting seems like a normal, acceptable, easy job for a teen or college student, young mother, retired mom or grandma. I think it’s problematic that care giving is often one of few jobs available for women.

I don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s children in my house, yard, car, at a pool, amusement park, restaurant. I don’t really want my kids to be responsible for someone else’s children. We live in too much of a litigious society.

I have witnessed things, y’all. In these days of ring doorbells and nanny living room cameras, it’s just someone’s word against a kid’s. Who will the parent believe? And I see and hear what these kids say and do in the streets, y’all. Whew.

I’m sure many don’t think of the worrisome situations that I do. I wouldn’t want to be liable and I sure don’t want my kids to be liable in case something happened with these children on their watch.

Childcare in Crisis: Ohio

  • Ohio now has the lowest eligibility for Publicly Funded Child Care in the country for kids 0 to 5. North Carolina, who previously held last place, updated their eligibility to 200% FPL for children 0-5 in July of 2023, leaving Ohio in last place for the same age group at 145% FPL.
  • Between 2019 and 2021 (the most recent figure available), the number of children benefiting from publicly funded childcare in Ohio dropped by 28,697, from 172,585 children to 143,888. Publicly funded childcare enrollment peaked seven years ago in 2017 at 181,122 and has declined since.
  • From 2017 to 2022, the number of childcare workers in Ohio dropped by 35.89%, with the biggest decrease of nearly 5,000 workers happening between 2019 and 2020 Many areas around the state simply have not recovered from this loss of workforce and many remaining childcare facilities are at a high risk of closure as key federal COVID emergency funding ends.
  • The median hourly wage for childcare workers in Ohio is $13.15 — an annual salary of $27,352 for those working full time. For comparison, the median for all workers in Ohio was $21.51 an hour in 2022, with 13.4% of Ohioans living in poverty.
  • The amount the state reimburses childcare providers per child is not based on the actual cost of childcare, but rather on a backward-looking market rate survey of what providers recently charged for services in an area. This rate is important because it determines the amount of money providers receive and therefore their ability to stay open, improve facilities, and pay providers a living wage.
  • 39% of Ohioans live in a childcare desert. A childcare desert is any census tract with more than 50 children under age 5 that contains either no childcare providers or so few options that there are more than three times as many children as licensed childcare slots. 41% of white Ohioans, 37% of Hispanic or Latino Ohioans, and 29% of Black Ohioans live in a childcare desert. In Ohio, childcare deserts are most prevalent in rural areas.
  • Affordable childcare lets parents work. According to a poll done in 2023 by the First 5 Years Fund, nearly 59% of parents who are not working full time would do so if childcare was more affordable.

I don’t have answers to the childcare crisis in the USA. Other countries provide childcare and education and parent benefits and medical care. We don’t value families here. Get out and vote.

Some people have interesting requirements for pet sitters:

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