Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Christmas with Teens

The blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure. Also see my suggested resources.

December 14, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 7 Comments

When my kids were young, I struggled to make holidays magical.

It was actually pretty easy because kids look for magic everywhere.

I struggled for moderation and balance. I didn’t like going into debt for one day and see all the presents discarded while they played with one simple toy for months afterwards.

I almost miss the pretty dresses and excitement leading up to Christmas morning.

Now that my kids are teens, they really don’t even remember those holidays when they were young. They don’t remember our decorations or the presents or the food or the spilled wine or my sadness, stress, and worry I felt.

The kids ask for stories of holidays when I was young or how did we celebrate in Hawaii when we lived there. I don’t gloss over anything. It helps me to talk about it.

Holidays have always been hard for me. I’ve spent many years laying a foundation of memories for my children in spite of my triggers and stresses and perfectionism.

I realize my giving up control and letting my kids do the holidays how they want has really made us all so much happier.

Over the years, I did some things right and oh, so many things wrong.

Some years, we put the tree up way early. We did this during deployment and this year with the pandemic. We need some joy.

The kids almost set up and decorate everything with very little input from me these last few years. I stand back in awe. They work together like clockwork. The kids even set up the lights and animal decorations outside.

We began traditions years ago that have stayed with us and we all look forward to St. Nicholas’ Day and Hanukkah latkes each year.

My teens love to bake and they’re old enough now that I come home from errands or appointments to a lovely walnut pound cake or pumpernickel bread or a new cookie recipe.

My middle daughters make homemade gifts – jewelry and art. I am impressed by their creativity.

My son has always helped me with the gift wrapping. I find it interesting that his sisters have never really expressed interest.

I love seeing the pride on their faces that they did these wonderful magical things for our family. They are making great memories.

I love watching holiday movies with my kids. They still love the fun family favorites and we’re adding new traditions each year. There hardly seems time enough to watch everything!

We love listening to holiday music and find some fun and unique play lists during our pizza making each week.

I still read aloud every morning with our homeschool and holiday books.

My eldest moved out a month ago and we’re enjoying seeing her about once a week for a family dinner. Her siblings miss her and love playing games and watching videos with her.

Many activities we have done every year, but they just seem more special now that my teens look forward to them and even remind me. They rave about my Aunt Betty’s punch that we only have on special occasions.

They’re starting to realize and prefer the frugal activities that mean more than spending lots of money on fleeting experiences or items that won’t last.

Holiday Fun with Teens

  • Advent Readings and Celebrations
  • Frank Kelly Christmas Countdown
  • PNC Christmas Price Index
  • Holiday Movies
  • Holiday Books
  • Saint Nicholas Day
  • Hanukkah Latkes
  • Looking at Lights
  • Baking and Cooking – See some recipes for snowballs, chocolate chip, and chocolate spice cookies
  • Cocoa or Cider Bar
  • Winter Hiking
  • Ice Skating or Tubing
  • Game Night
  • Christmas Tea Party
  • Winter Solstice Activities

How have your holidays changed with older kids?

You might also like:

  • Pandemic Holiday Tips
  • Gift Guides for Everyone
  • Holiday Blues
  • Introvert Holiday Survival Guide
  • Celebrating Holidays During Deployment
  • Blue Christmas

Linking up: Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Marilyn’s Treats, Little Cottage, Suburbia, Mostly Blogging, InstaEncouragements, LouLou Girls, Grammy’s Grid, Our Three Peas, Grandma’s Ideas, Anchored Abode, Soaring with Him, Ridge Haven, Ducks in a Row, Girlish Whims, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Jeanne Takenaka, OMHG, Life Beyond the Kitchen, Katherine’s Corner, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, Creative Kids, Imparting Grace, Slices of Life, Answer is Choco, Simply Sweet Home, Momfessionals, Fireman’s Wife, CWJ, Everyday Farmhouse, Create with Joy,

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: Christmas, teen

Pandemic Holiday Tips

The blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure. Also see my suggested resources.

December 2, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 15 Comments

For many people, life as they knew it has been put on hold due to the restrictions we all must adhere to with COVID-19. The days of waiting patiently for life to return to “normal” have passed. In fact, there has been enough time that has passed since the virus hit in early 2020, that we can confidently say, we have developed a new normal. 

At first, this new normal was odd. Anything new is going to be strange to our human brain. We like consistency, predictability, and familiarity. It is what helps us to feel safe and secure, the most basic of our human needs.

We are now about to embark on another adventure in experiencing something new – The Holidays.

This is a time of year that we typically would travel, visit family, go to parties at friends’ homes and restaurants, as well as within our workplaces. We typically deliver presents to share holiday cheer with others. Perhaps your family spends time in service for organizations or with individuals who need extra help and extra support during this time.

While these traditions were part of the bedrock of the holidays, they are most likely not available to us this year. Although this season will look quite different than years past, we may be able to find some hidden treasures in our new “holiday normal.”

Here are a few suggestions to help you get through this new “holiday normal” that are based on the science of how our human brain is wired with a sprinkling of strategies to improve your relationships and boost your resilience. So, in other words, these may be things you choose to add to your life, regardless of whether or not we are in the middle of a pandemic.

  1. Set the Tone: You set the tone of what this holiday will feel like for your children. They certainly will get messages from your community, their peer group, and the news, however, how you feel and talk about the holiday in your home will have the greatest influence on how they feel. Start by asking yourself, am I already setting myself and my children up for being disappointed? Boost your awareness by noticing how you are talking about the holidays with others, especially when your children are present. When you listen to the things that you say, do you feel uplifted or upset? When your children talk about the holidays do you feel your own body get tense or weak? Although you think your children can not sense this inner state, they can, and it greatly affects how they will feel. You can also use a mindfulness platform like Ninja Focus that can be a great companion for your children to check in on “how they are feeling” and listen to guided tracks from wellness experts.
  2. Make a List of Things You Do Not Have to Do: Rather than focus on what has been lost by listing all of the things that you cannot do this holiday season make a list of all of the things that you DO NOT HAVE TO DO because of the pandemic. Having worked with families for over 2 decades, I have found that many of them become overly burdened this time of year because of all of the obligatory things that they must do either personally or professionally. Start this list by titling your paper, “All of the things I do not have to do, and I never enjoyed doing anyway.” After you create that list, how does it feel when you read it?
  3. Focus on What Truly Matters: Without all of those obligations, you now have a lot more time to focus your energy on what truly has meaning to you and your family. Time for another list. What are some things that you wished you could have had more time to enjoy if you were not running all over the place during the holidays? How many times have you purchased gifts for your children, but then not have time to actually play with them? Focus on those things.
  4. Make New Traditions: It is a great opportunity to make some new traditions and get your children involved in it. Whether you are celebrating a specific holiday or simply taking some time off of work because school is closed, now is the time to collectively decide what family or individual things your children would like to explore during this time and perhaps share with you. Plan ahead, and yes, create another list by asking your children about things they are really interested in doing or learning and find creative ways to explore these things together.
  5. Spend Quality Time and Bond as a Family: Last but not least, remember that this is the perfect “storm” for you to actually BE together, as a family to talk and connect. Ask any child psychologist and they will tell you that the best way to raise children to be self-confident, respectful, happy, and secure, is to give them THIS most important present — YOUR PRESENCE. Simply being side by side, listening to each other without being rushed, speaking honestly about their dreams, fears, desires, challenges, and joys. This is what cultivates a happy home and healthy relationships.

Remember the most important thing is to spend a few moments each day enjoying the company of your children this holiday season. It can bring your family closer and boost your mood. If you think it helps, include yoga and mindfulness exercises into your daily routine. 

Ninja Focus is a great resource with short and easy to follow mindfulness exercises and meditations that you can practice as a family with your children.

We’re enjoying winter walks, exercise videos, arts and crafts, kitchen creations, holiday movies and music, and lots of reading. We’re enjoying Advent devotions every night with dinner and a Tomte story after our homeschool read alouds.

Happy holidays!

Linking up: Random Musings, Three Peas, Grandma Ideas, Anita Ojeda, Anchored Abode, Soaring with Him, InstaEncouragements, Little Cottage, Ridge Haven, OMHG, Suburbia, Create with Joy, Ducks in a Row, Girlish Whims, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, LouLou Girls, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, Slices of Life, Answer is Choco, Simply Sweet Home, Momfessionals, iThrive, Grammy’s Grid, Fireman’s Wife, CWJ, Imparting Grace, Life Beyond the Kitchen, CKK, Being a Wordsmith, Everyday Farmhouse, April Harris,

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: Christmas, holiday, quarantine

Kiwi Crates Gift Guide

The blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure. Also see my suggested resources.

November 11, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert Leave a Comment

KiwiCo inspires kids to see themselves as makers — engineering and creating their own innovative designs and outcomes. Their core offering is a monthly subscription which has delivered millions of hands-on projects. These fun and enriching STEAM projects are designed to spark creativity, tinkering, and learning. Ultimately, their mission is to provide the next generation of innovators with the tools and a foundation to become creative problem-solvers and critical thinkers.

Subscriptions across brands can be ordered on a monthly, 3 month, 6 month, or annual basis. Users can also purchase single crates through the store.

Kiwi Crates make great gifts for birthdays and holidays.

  • KiwiCo’s monthly subscription crates come filled with age appropriate STEAM projects for kids, from toddlers to teenagers, and even adults! STEAM stands for science, technology, engineering, art, and math. Every crate explores a different theme designed to spark creativity, thinking, and learning.
  • All projects, inspiration, and activities are created by a team of product designers in-house in Mountain View, CA, and rigorously tested by kids.
  • KiwiCo offers eight different product lines spanning a variety of interests and age ranges – for kids from age 0-104 (kids at heart!).

Which Kiwi Crate is right for you?

  • Panda Crate (ages 0-24 Months) Developed in partnership with Seattle Children’s Hospital, each crate helps babies learn by doing what they do best — playing, exploring, and most importantly, interacting with the adults in their lives. Crates arrive every other month and are filled with two-months’ worth of content!
  • Koala Crate (ages 2-4) delivers fun hands-on activities to engage the natural curiosity and creativity of preschoolers in play-based learning.
  • Kiwi Crate (ages 5-8) delivers young innovators all the materials and inspiration needed for fun hands-on projects that explore art, science, and engineering.
  • Atlas Crate (ages 6-11) sparks kids’ sense of adventure and curiosity, inspiring them to see themselves as citizens of the world.
  • Tinker Crate (ages 9-16+) allows young innovators to discover and learn about science, engineering, technology, and math through hands-on activities.
  • Doodle Crate (ages 9-16+) invites young designers to build creative confidence by experimenting with art & design techniques in monthly hands-on projects.
  • Eureka Crate (ages 14+) teaches kids (and kids at heart!) how to apply principles of science and math to engineer solutions and make awesome things they’ll love using every day.
  • Maker Crate (ages 14+) Whether you’re 14 or 104, a first-time crafter or an experienced maker, we’ve designed each crate to include a chance to experiment with a new technique, draw inspiration from real designs, and take pride in a finished project that’s both fun and functional.

Prices start at $19.95 per monthly box (which is discounted to as much as $16.95, when you prepay for a year) and go up to $29.95 (or as low as $24.95 with a full-year term). 

You can earn points and 11% cash back with Honey and Rakuten!

Give the gift of wonder and discovery.

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: Christmas, giftguide, holiday

Social Dilemma

The blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure. Also see my suggested resources.

October 19, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 8 Comments

If you haven’t watched Social Dilemma yet, I do suggest you take the time.

We had some issues with online use with our eldest when she was a tween, so we took more precautions with our younger three kids.

I don’t limit screentime for my kids. It’s too much work for me to police them and creates too much conflict. I want them to learn their own boundaries and limits and time management.

These days, with many kids using computers and smart devices to attend online classes or complete school work, it’s really hard to know where to draw the line between healthy online use and what might be too much. It’s just unfamiliar territory. I do feel there is something lost in translation.

Meetings and talks aren’t as dynamic as when done in person, with audience energy. We are losing our humanity to machines.

My kids are amused and horrified that I didn’t have Internet until I was about 18. Cell phones were bulky and in a big bag when my parents first bought one – for emergencies only. I didn’t own a smartphone until 2005 and that’s when I first got Facebook.

Being Gen X, I can remember not having this little pocket computer that is both a bane and a blessing. The biggest difference I see since I watched tons of TV as a kid is that now it’s all interactive and not safe even if it’s a private group or all the right parental controls are in place.

I have literally watched the explosive growth of the Internet, apps, smart devices…

I recognized early on all the ways that it could be abused and used for evil. While I love the ways it can be used for connection and good, I am wary and careful.

I know what it is to live without it and I know what addiction looks like and how to put it down and walk away.

I know I don’t use social media or my smartphone like many people do, and certainly not like most teens use them lately.

Little do they know that I have multiple devices: an iPad mini, Pixel smartphone, and a desktop computer.

I have a love/hate relationship with technology. I often long for the times before constant instant connection. I hate how we’re just expected to buy the newest and latest smartphone, tablet, computer and the corporations make them to break down quickly and unable to update.

I don’t like all the health tracking apps and smart home devices. I don’t want my information known and stored for whoall to listen, see, and know. How do I know the app or website is keeping me and my info safe? Who has access?

I have recently removed almost all photos of my kids. I posted lots over the years about our travels and homeschooling and daily life. I posted photos and details of my kids without their permission when they were too little to understand. I am updating the blog to remove details and photos. I am concerned about their privacy and consent. Their images and stories are not mine to share.

Yes, I’ve used screens as babysitters at home, in stores and restaurants, at airports and while traveling. It’s hard not to when they’re portable and convenient and seem relatively harmless.

I love how my one daughter uses apps on her tablet to create amazing art. Another daughter follows everything space explorers do worldwide on social media and NASA TV.

My kids and husband and I all send each other memes and I try to keep up with all the latest humor. I especially love the “Not a cell phone in sight. Just people living in the moment…”

I love that we were able to keep in touch so well when my husband was deployed. Technology even has come a long way in just a few years, compared to our first deployment when Skype was all we had and it was sporadic.

My personal boundaries with social media:

  • I don’t feel the need to share everything.
  • I only have about 35 friends on Facebook. I only keep family and close friends. Others can like my Page. I follow only pages and people I want to see.
  • Put down the Twitter when news gets too overwhelming.
  • I loathe Instagram and Pinterest since influencers took over and just use them for ads and sponsored posts.
  • I’m careful what I post of myself and family members online. Only with permission. No location. No info they don’t want or we aren’t comfortable sharing.
  • Regular screen breaks.
  • Apps don’t have to connect to social media.
  • I don’t have to use social media to login third party to apps.
  • I limit how I can be tracked online.
  • I turn off ads as often as I can.

My Concerns

Doomscrolling and schadensurfing eat up lots of time and erode our mental health. We need to find better and healthier ways to use our time.

And we have sadfishing where kids, teens, and adults “fish for” or seek interaction online by posting sad memes and statuses, hoping for likes and comments. But how do we know if and when these posts are real cries for help – depression, anxiety, suicidal?

Does my child have a Finsta or other fake accounts on various social media platforms to hide their identity or post images and statuses that I don’t know about or that they don’t want me to see? It’s important that my kids can be honest with me and feel comfortable talking to me about everything.

Of course I’m worried about online bullies, predators, porn, and ads marketing to children. I constantly discuss concerns with my kids and I keep up to date on the latest trends to protect our family. A disturbing trend is suicide on TikTok. Deepfakes are getting more clever and they’re not often funny. These apps aren’t going to protect anyone and it’s my job to be very aware what’s on them. Luckily, my middle kids only follow certain topics so they haven’t seen anything questionable. yet.

The social media companies spy and track users. They target us with ads that look more and more suspicious, like regular posts from friends, family, acquaintances. They store our information they collect in order to sell us more, more, more. We joke that they can hear us and get inside our heads and that may be partially true based on our clicks and what we like, watch, and share. The marketing gurus are getting paid to make these companies the most money and they don’t care who they exploit to do that.

Having multiple screens limits attention spans. We still don’t know that much about long term screen use and how it adversely affects brain development. I can certainly see the effects when the kids or my husband or I have been staring at screens too long. We get irritable, headachey, experience eye strain, and feel tired. If we’re watching TV or playing a video game, there is no reason to have a smartphone or tablet on too except occasionally for research purposes. I try to model and teach my kids to be all there and present instead of distracted.

It’s ironic that I met my husband online, fifteen years ago on Match. Also, the hot tubs and meetups in the early days of the Internet were far more dangerous then than they seem now with all the safety nets in the current dating apps. My eldest daughter has met some lovely friends online and being able to video chat and share screens is just innovative. We still discuss safety precautions and meeting in public crowded places, being aware or surroundings and letting me know where she is and who she is meeting.

It’s important to maintain face to face relationships, share hobbies, get outside, do activities together that don’t involve screens. We’re losing touch with who we are and our kids don’t know any better if that’s all they see their parents, peers, and others do.

Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.

 Simone Weil, Gravity and Grace
The Nap Ministry

Tips for Healthier Social Media Use:

  1. Turn off notifications.
  2. Remove from device any apps that are problematic.
  3. Remove apps from the homescreen.
  4. Set time limits for screen time or certain apps in settings.
  5. No devices at the dinner table or meal times.
  6. Turn off devices and place in charging station one hour before bedtime.
  7. No devices in bedrooms.
  8. Use browser extensions to block social networking sites.
  9. Observe a digital sabbath each day, week, or month.
  10. Only follow people, pages, accounts that add value to your life.
  11. One screen at a time.
  12. Take frequent screen breaks.

Screens are a vital part of our lives, connecting us and granting instant information. While I love being able to research something at any moment, we need balance and moderation in our lives too. I try to model and teach my kids to connect face to face instead of just through screens.

It’s up to me as a parent to navigate this brave new world and keep up so I can teach my kids best practices to protect them from questionable apps, spying social media, inappropriate websites, and mean people online.

You might also like:

  • Memes as Therapy
  • Screen Break
  • No More TV
  • I Almost Lost Her
  • The Dirty Dozen Apps

Linking up: Home Stories, April Harris, Create with Joy, LouLou Girls, Random Musings, Welcome Heart, Marilyn’s Treats, Anchored Abode, Suburbia, InstaEncouragements, Purposeful Faith, Little Cottage, Mostly Blogging, Grandma’s Ideas, Anita Ojeda, Soaring with Him, Fluster Buster, Girlish Whims, Ducks in a Row, Our Three Peas, Homestead, Life Beyond the Kitchen, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, Slices of Life, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Simply Sweet Home, OMHG, Embracing Unexpected, Fireman’s Wife, Everyday Farmhouse, CKK, CWJ, Being a Wordsmith, Kippi at Home,

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: Internet, parenting, social media, technology

Ten

The blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure. Also see my suggested resources.

October 5, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 10 Comments

My three girls are all teens now. My son just turned ten and I will tell you, it’s a different world having all my kids in two digits.

Young kids are so different from bigger kids. It’s fascinating to see their minds begin to develop into abstract when before it was all so concrete and literal, but they loved fantasy and fairy tales.

It’s a lot less physical work in parenting big kids and teens, but it’s way more emotional and psychological work now.

I wish I had been more aware during my kids’ formative years. It’s hard in the trenches to see the big picture and realize the affect our words and actions might have on our children’s psychological development. I was healing myself as I was trying to be a wife and parent to four young kids. I’m still healing and working on being a better parent and person.

While it is always a journey, I feel better equipped as a parent the last few years and I can differences in my youngest and my eldest in their mental health. I pray she forgives me and heals as we grow together.

Looking back, having young kids is like living in survival mode. There is little time to be metacognitive – to sit back, to relax, and enjoy it. There are certainly some moments. There are just glimpses. There are tears of joy and of frustration. There are grave moments of regret and apologies to self, God, and the child. There is often blame when I felt like I did it all with little or no help.

I can laugh about my son not sleeping well for his first three years now. I can apologize to my eldest for relying on her as a parent helper too much now. I can continue to revise our priorities and values more towards simplicity now. I can regret our delving into Christian fundamentalism now and make amends in our family spiritual education and healing.

We’re all healthier and calmer because I work hard to make sure our home is a haven. I constantly revise our priorities. I like simplicity.

During the first seven years, children work mainly out of imitation, while from ages 7-14, children work out of authority. This is why attachment is so important to develop a trusting relationship with kids.

This is also why many families experience difficulties with teens not listening. They didn’t feel attached or safe or listened to as young children, so they won’t just magically begin when they’re older. They develop their own thoughts, values, opinions, preferences. Many parents feel threatened and triggered by kids who express themselves, question authority, and other natural developmental growth.

Around age 9, kids undergo a change or crisis when they begin thinking abstractly. They’re continuing their development from young child to older child. They’re reaching the age of reason. They’re learning to trust themselves. They’re developing an opinion and preferences. Fairy tales are no longer as magical, but they may be rediscovered soon enough. It’s important for me to stay optimistic and positive thinking so my kids don’t get burdened, overly anxious, depressed, or upset.

It’s not time to worry yet.

Changes I See

My kids started becoming much more independent around age 10.

They develop opinions about everything. Clothes, food, room arrangements. They sometimes want a whole new decor theme. I am happy to help and guide their choices. They usually have freedom to do what they want to their bodies and their space. Being a military family, we always rented our homes, but now we own our first home, and it’s so much fun!

They complete their homeschool work much more independently. I’m seeing the transition from the grammar phase to dialectic phase in our homeschool curriculum around this age and it’s so exciting! Sometimes, they ask what else they can do or how they can help.

They desire more privacy and alone time, which can be difficult in a household of six people. We do our best.

They can cook simple meals for themselves and the family. I love waking up to treats! I love having cake almost every week!

They’re making more abstract connections and asking really good questions about complex concepts. It challenges me and my thinking and often I don’t have a good enough answer. It can be frustrating, scary, and exhilarating all at once.

I try to be respectful of my growing kids with their development, but occasionally I forget what I felt like at their age or I don’t understand what they’re thinking or feeling.

I ask a lot of questions. I watch the Tik Tok videos and Instagram memes my girls send me. We talk, discuss, and learn and relearn each other. It’s a process, a journey. I am privileged and blessed to travel this life with my children.

The Waldorf curriculum is so incredible because it is so responsive to student development. I believe all children should have access to an education that respects their development and inspires their soul. I wish I had discovered it many years ago when we began homeschooling. I try to incorporate aspects of it in our learning rhythms.

The time has come when I scan the baseball field and can’t recognize my own son among the boys. He has grown and changed so much so fast that I have to squint and look a few times before I’m sure.

He still snuggles up at bedtime for a story.

I love that he still holds my hand on our evening walks.

You might also like:

  • Thirteen
  • Sixteen
  • Eighteen

Linking up: Random Musings, Create with Joy, Eclectic Barn, Marilyn’s Treats, April Harris, Anita Ojeda, Little Cottage, Mostly Blogging, Home Stories, LouLou Girls, InstaEncouragements, Purposeful Faith, Mary Geisen, Our Three Peas, Girlish Whims, Ducks in a Row, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap Crafts, Welcome Heart, Anchored Abode, Grandma’s Ideas, Soaring with Him, Ridge Haven Homestead, Chic on Shoestring, Answer is Choco, Being a Wordsmith, Simply Sweet Home, Little Everything, Penny’s Passion, Katherine’s Corner, Embracing Unexpected, Debbie Kitterman, Pieced Pastimes, Fireman’s Wife, CWJ, Slices of Life, CKK, Imparting Grace, OMHG, Grammy’s Grid, Life Beyond the Kitchen, Everyday Farmhouse, Suburbia,

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: development, elementary, parenting

Thirteen

The blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure. Also see my suggested resources.

September 28, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 7 Comments

All three of my girls are now over twelve years old.

I feel poignant about this. I should feel happy to get over that hump, I guess.

My girls are getting much more independent, doing their own things. I encourage them to own themselves, speaking up, and managing their own appointments, activities, time.

Watching them walk away with my heart is the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. Keeping a smile on my face so they don’t see my anxiety is about to kill me.

My daughters are 19, 14, and 13.

My son is just now ten, but it seems different.

Having teen girls isn’t all the bad that society and the media portray it to be.

Parenting teens doesn’t have to break us.

I really love seeing my girls grow and mature. It’s fascinating to see their minds change as their bodies also develop. Two of my daughters are bigger than I am and they almost cradle me now as I once cradled their small childish forms. But they can also hip check me in a moment so I love how gracious and sweet they are.

I remember how awkward I was at age thirteen, lanky and uncomfortable in my skin, unsure of my thoughts, struggling to fit in with kids at school, wondering who I should be and what values I should have.

I love how much more capable and confident my daughters are than I was at their age.

When my kids were very little, they were highly active and energetic. My girls went through the typical awkward stage when the were like young colts learning how to canter gracefully. Gymnastics and sports help with getting through these awkward times. They’re pretty aware of their bodies and the space they take up and I encourage my girls to expand themselves instead of shrinking as our society and the church culture seem to require. I want them to regain their confidence they seemed to have misplaced the last few years.

I read a lot of child development, cognitive psychology, and education material. I’m not an expert, but I am fascinated in learning about these topics and how I can best teach and parent my four kids.

I often use the analogy with my family that adolescent brains change from a child caterpillar brain to confused mush like a chrysalis, then to the more mature butterfly young adult brain by the time they’re 25.

Changes I’m Noticing in my Teens

Attention spans

It’s great that I can hold my girls’ attention for longer than ten minutes. I can give multi-step instructions and usually expect them to be followed and completed. Their memories are getting better. I see them focus on activities for longer periods of time, often completing projects before getting distracted or moving on to something else. I love they have the ability to train their minds by staying at home. We work, work, work, on brain health and executive function so they can do their best.

Making connections

We’re in our last 4-year cycle of history in our homeschool, beginning the rhetoric phase. Witnessing the connections and abstract thinking in my girls just brings me the greatest joy as a mother and teacher. They can think critically younger and better than I could when I was in college! I love their hard questions that we research and work through together.

Awareness of current events

I enjoy having the hard conversations with my kids and hearing what they think of what’s happening in our city, state, country, and the world. I have to be careful not to overwhelm my younger kids with the horrors of our world and continue to focus on hope and love and reconciliation. They’re starting to ask what they can do to help make our world a better place. We recycle, compost, reduce, reuse. We try with our baby steps to ease our consciences any way we can. Every little bit counts.

Expansion of strengths

After years of exposing and strewing and providing so many opportunities and experiences for my kids, they’re starting to narrow down what they’re interested in, focusing more on what they love, looking at ways to turn their passions into careers. I love seeing them grow and teach themselves. We start out generalizing their education and seeing them begin to specialize is so fun.

Ability to take criticism

My kids are so much healthier than I ever was (and still am) about constructive criticism. I try to scaffold and prime my kids when I think a situation or experience might be difficult or stressful or just very new. I want them to be aware of what to expect. I can’t always predict what might happen or what people might say or do. I can’t always be there to protect my kids. They’re growing more and more independent. Other adults and kids often aren’t as kind with their words or actions. We discuss the situation afterwards.

Maturity

I love seeing the potential in my kids. I’m getting glimpses of the adults they will soon be. They use nonviolent language (mostly) and solve problems (usually well and without my input) together. We seldom have negative or immature conflicts in our household. They have more emotional intelligence than I ever did. I’m learning so much from my kids about how to be healthy in all relationships.

Around age 12, kids undergo a big change, a crisis, in their development. They are reaching puberty and hormones make physical and mental changes in their bodies. It’s a difficult age and many kids struggle to make this change and reach the other side unscathed. Two of my girls suffer depression and anxiety. I know I sure had trouble for several years from 12-15. There seems little I can do to help my girls overcome or avoid the inner struggle. Perhaps it’s genetic or just their personalities.

Of course, tweens and teens are weebly wobbly and sometimes it seems like one step forward and three steps back.

I love being with my kids all day, every day and learning academics with them and assisting them to explore their interests. I am privileged and blessed to travel this life with my children.

During the first seven years, children work mainly out of imitation, while from ages 7-14, children work out of authority. This is why attachment is so important to develop a trusting relationship with kids.

This is also why many families experience difficulties with teens not listening. They didn’t feel attached or safe or listened to as young children, so they won’t just magically begin when they’re older. They develop their own thoughts, values, opinions, preferences. Many parents feel threatened and triggered by kids who express themselves, question authority, and other natural developmental growth.

I’m seeing my girls begin to try on new personalities and personas like actresses. They’re trying to discover who they are and who they’d like to be, what they’d like to look like. They change their hair and clothes very frequently. I try to keep up. I try to be patient and welcoming. Sometimes, it’s frustrating and since I’m pretty constant and decrepit in my boring 40s, there are bound to be clashes when I don’t realize they’ve already moved on to something new.

The Waldorf curriculum is so incredible because it is so responsive to student development. I believe all children should have access to an education that respects their development and inspires their soul. I wish I had discovered it many years ago when we began homeschooling. I try to incorporate aspects of it in our learning rhythms.

Looking back at my children when they were babies, toddlers, preschoolers, learning to read and ride bikes, it’s easy to see the milestones they reached and achieved.

My girls look like women now and I have to look twice sometimes and my heart hitches as I remember their goofiness when they were small.

Now, my teens are looking more to the future and completing high school, making friends, planning for jobs and college and careers.

I love watching them learn how to fly.

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: development, high school, parenting, teen

Parenting Young Adults

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July 20, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 9 Comments

Parenting is a series of mistakes, failures, successes, heartache, pride.

My firstborn is certainly the research subject in all our parenting decisions.
She is also the catalyst for many rules and lots of changes we make in our family.

She was always a dynamo. She never met a stranger. She’s a social butterfly through and through and I am always content to be “Her Mom.”

I’ve watched her grow and fail, learn, and dance to and fro.

We began homeschooling because of her fall birthday. We tried a month of third grade because of her and promptly brought her back home.

I pushed until she pushed back.

I learned boundaries as a parent. I learned how to be me, a mother, a person, and make personal demands based on my own needs from her example.

She’s quite the lawyer in her well-thought-out arguments and I struggle sometimes to be democratic, respectful, gentle.

I was never treated with respect in my own home when I was growing up. I had no privacy. I wasn’t allowed to express emotions or thoughts. I attempted suicide at age 20 and ran away at age 21.

I want to be a better parent than mine were. Navigating this modern world with no role models and no guidance is really hard.

I feel I am in uncharted waters with an almost twenty-year-old.

The Christian parenting and the secular parenting books, blogs, experts all say almost the same things – tough love, harsh consequences, isolation, withdrawing love and affection, removing privileges. We don’t do that with our young kids, so why would we start now?

I never liked the purity or stay at home daughter movements. They remove autonomy from women and open doors for abusive relationships.

Parenting never ends.

As children get older, the parent-child relationship evolves into friendship, hopefully. It becomes a solid relationship with gives and takes. It amazing to watch these little people grow into adults.

Our society does not respect children. Teenagers are viewed with suspicion and young adults are often humiliated and taken advantage of by many adults.

Young people have so much to offer if we allowed them respect and freedom they deserve.

Parenting a Young Adult

Respect

I have always tried to respect my children. It’s sometimes difficult when I feel disrespected and triggered. I often have to walk away and give myself a timeout and think about it.

I have very few rules: no drugs. no porn. no illegal activity.

I require my children to respect each other.

Communication is important. It’s up to me as the adult and parent to model healthy and nonviolent communication. Sometimes, it’s really, really hard. I have had to walk away to think and regroup and calm down many times.

I find myself more and more stating as calmly as possible, “What you said/did is disrespectful and that’s not ok.”

Expectations

We tried to do a contract, but it was worthless with no real consequences. It just has to be an ongoing conversation and it’s exhausting.

I keep going back to respect. If we’ve never done arbitrary consequences, how can I begin now? I don’t want to require her to pay rent because she needs to save for college and her future, even though she hasn’t saved a penny in over two years from her part time job.

Attending college classes and working a part time job is paramount. I feel it teaches responsibility and offers a gradual climb into the adult world of vast responsibility.

While I would love to expect chores to be completed, that isn’t always the priority at this stage when there are assignment deadlines and potentially late shift work schedules.

I have found that if I issue very specific time-sensitive commands, they get done more immediately.

Disappointment

Of course I’ve been disappointed by some of my child’s poor choices.

I had to get over my own issues with piercings, tattoos, and dyed hair. It’s her body.

While tattoos and ear plugs are pretty irreversible, I don’t worry so much about hair anymore.

It’s more worrisome when she’s made poor financial and relationship choices. She has to live and learn from her mistakes.

She hates college and I don’t really blame her. It really is so very different than twenty years ago and I don’t understand why. It should be easier with so much information at our fingertips. She’s taking some time off and looking for full time work.

I’m trying not to project onto her my education values. Sometimes it does feel like a kick in the teeth. All those homeschool years – wasted? It’s her life and her future. But I fear she may have unnecessary struggles without a college degree, certificate, apprenticeship, or training.

Boundaries

I have to set clear boundaries – with consequences.

It’s really hard when there are few arbitrary consequences that matter with older teens and young adults.

Natural consequences can be scary and dangerous. Risk taking isn’t such a big deal with small kids. They might get a bruise or at worst a broken bone. Older teens and young adults might get in trouble with legal authorities or cause real irreparable harm to themselves and others.

I don’t want to the younger kids exposed to inappropriate media. I don’t want my younger kids exposed to porn, racist or sexist jokes, or violence.

Social media continues to expose the masses to a plethora of information, not all of it good. We use it as education as to boundaries, what’s worthwhile and what is abusive or vile.

I say often why something is inappropriate. Often I feel it shouldn’t be consumed by anyone.

I teach about tone and sarcasm. We need to practice kindness and I must model it for them to be to recognize it.

Why should we exploit others for entertainment?

Preparation

Preparing for the future is most important for young adults.

The goal is that they be successful and independent citizens.

I try to begin young with all my kids, teaching them valuable life skills.

I discuss finances, values, goals frequently about things they understand.

They know when we have struggled financially because of an emergency. They understand when we’re saving or paying off debt. I want them to realize their privilege in financial security also.

They’ve never known adversity. Other than stress and moving frequently as a military family.

I require my kids to purchase their own smartphones. We pay for the monthly family plan.

As soon as their age is in double digits, they call to make their own appointments, with me standing by to assist if needed.

I encourage my kids to talk to clerks and store employees if they need something or to place an order. They need to learn to communicate clearly and respectfully with others.

Of course, kids must learn to do their laundry and make meals for themselves. I provide a cookbook with all our favorite family recipes.

They must help with car maintenance. It’s important to learn and understand the expense of necessary auto upkeep.

We have 529 college plans, but they probably won’t pay for an entire four-year degree. They have to work part time, save, and apply for scholarships. We discourage loans and the lifelong debt that brings.

It’s so hard sometimes to watch the fledglings flounder, fall, fail. I want to rescue them, but that wouldn’t help them learn to be successful.

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What’s your relationship like with your adult children?

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Celebrating Holidays

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June 29, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 5 Comments

Maybe some of us didn’t grow in healthy homes or with families who celebrated holidays in ways we want to continue with our own children.

I grew up an only child and I felt so much pressure to make birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day special since I had no one to share it with.

I feel pretty whiny about writing this, but it seems like it needs to be said.

I spent my own money that my grandma sent to buy thoughtful presents for my parents. They were seldom appreciative. I remember my father demanding I buy my mother flowers for their anniversary one year when I was a teenager and I bristled at that chore since I felt it was not my responsibility. I remember many birthdays and Mother’s Day when she unwrapped perfumes and whatnot that my father purchased and said were from me. We usually went out to dinner for steak on birthdays.

My mother always wants more and loves shopping as entertainment. I don’t share that hobby. It stresses me out.

I remember most of my birthdays were when my father was out of town on business trips. My mother invited her family and my school mates and neighborhood friends. I realized when I got older that my father didn’t like gatherings.

Christmases were always pretty stressful when I was young. My mom is the youngest child of six and everyone getting together on Christmas Eve was bound to end in negativity on someone’s part. I was mostly too young to notice, but I knew my parents fought about it before and afterwards. Most years, my dad stayed at home while I accompanied my mother to the Christmas Eve party. My grandmother passed when I was 16, and it all deteriorated after that.

My parents usually send me a check, not divisible by 6, so I wonder every year who they don’t like. They’ve started wrapping and packaging weird handmedowns for my kids and it’s always a confusion when the kids ask me about their presents. Sometimes, I don’t know what to say. And apparently my mother thinks I need and use an inordinate amount of kitchen towels.

My parents possess three SUVs, pay a $850 mortgage for a 3500+ sq ft house, receive 3 retirement checks each month, and yet do not buy me or the kids anything for holidays. They constantly complain that they don’t have enough money.

It’s hard for me when my parents ask what I want for my birthday or Christmas and I tell them an item I really want, but they say, “oh, no, not that; what else do you want?” So I usually just say: “I don’t really need anything, thanks.”

As a mom of four, I am dealing with my own issues and trauma. I don’t want my kids to feel pressure. If they don’t want to celebrate my birthday or Mother’s Day per society convention, that should be ok.

I just want to feel cared for too.

I want my kids to realize that some people might have gift giving/receiving as their love language. It’s important to show people we love them in ways they can understand. I know my grandparents had this love language, but it might be only because I saw my grandma a few times a year and she felt a need to make up for a shallow relationship with things.

I am trying to work out my own hurt feelings when my birthday passes by with nothing. It seems that something or other always tries to ruin the day. I try to look at where I failed and how I can live better and model a better reaction to anger or fear and we can still celebrate more appropriately, perhaps without pressure or presents but still a rather cheerful greeting or hug.

I’ve tried to model celebrating with my kids’ birthdays, serving special meals, homemade cake, and presents. I ask their preferences which vary year to year as they get older. I hope I’ve done well. We’ve done away with flashy parties since we have no one to invite and we’re never invited anywhere. Perhaps they’re resentful but the younger three kids surely have little memory of the time before when I stressed over keeping up with others in that way.

I wanted a Pinterest-perfect holiday season before there was even social media. I wanted it to look like something out of style magazines on my husband’s lieutenant budget. Every year without fail, I cried over a failed expectation or the wine spilled or the pork roast was still raw in the middle.

I used to make myself physically ill planning events and holidays. Surely it wasn’t worth it. I don’t think anyone really noticed except that I was very upset if things weren’t living to my impossible level of perfection.

I needed to calm down and reflect on what was most important: relationships.

What memories do I want my family to have of holidays?

There were some recent Christmases when we traveled and minimally decorated and didn’t do presents, but the kids are too young to trade that and asked if we could do it more traditional from now on.

My husband has never shown interest in birthdays or holidays and all the work falls to me and I feel resentful. Years go by and things get forgotten until they roll around on the calendar again. Yet he bragged when we were dating what a thoughtful unique gift giver he was.

The stress of all the past years are like a tidal wave of trauma.

I don’t like knick knacks or presents that will just sit around and collect dust. I’ve purged and minimized so much over the years with all our military moves. I’ve streamlined and curated our possessions. While I have some regrets of items we had to sell or donate, I’m pretty content and I don’t just need more “stuff.”

When we first married, he bought himself a DVD player and surround sound system but wrote my name on the wrapped presents under the tree. I was maybe more upset by memories of my first husband only buying items for himself. I don’t care anything about electronics. If it weren’t for him and the kids, I wouldn’t own a TV.

He tried to buy me jewelry a couple times. The jade pearl necklace and bracelet set was obviously on sale because it’s missing some beads, but surely he didn’t know or look closely enough. He once bought me a children’s pearl necklace set that I returned to the store and he got very upset.

I told my husband just not to buy me presents anymore and he didn’t. He hasn’t.

Fifteen years have gone by.

He bought me caramel chocolates for our anniversary when he was last deployed. Everyone who has ever known me knows I loathe caramel.

My husband never showed appreciation for the presents the kids made him or that I purchased “from” them. I guess he didn’t have a good model for that. He doesn’t much remember what his family did on Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, birthdays. Christmas was a huge affair, focused on the kids. I stopped buying anything for my husband on holidays. We were strapped for money for many years anyway and I convinced myself this was best.

I mentioned last year that maybe it’s not healthy for the kids to see us not give each other presents on holidays. The kids asked me about it and I didn’t have a good answer for them.

I need us to model for the kids a healthy relationship, healthy holidays, healthy celebrations. We need to do better.

He bought me a hoodie for Christmas and kept asking all.day.long did I like it; did he do good? It became exhausting.

We have no relationship with my husband’s family so I felt so inauthentic and impersonal sending them gift cards for every birthday and Christmas. They probably misinterpreted my desire and reason to end that practice but I found it almost impossible to find gift cards for them when we lived in Germany and we never found a replacement tradition. I want more than a gift card relationship. I’m not sure what kind of holidays he had with his two sisters and parents while growing up. I know Christmases were huge affairs with piles of presents. I can’t and won’t recreate that.

My parents are not generous with their time, affection, money, or things and it makes holidays difficult when I am torn between being their daughter and also a wife and mom to my own family.

My daughter works part time and I would never ask her or expect her to spend her own money on presents for me or her siblings, but she doesn’t have to brazenly announce that we are not worth her time, effort, or money. She needs to learn to express her frustration in healthier ways.

It is exhausting and painful for me to try to please everyone all the time.

Perhaps I should practice more what I preach: say what I mean and mean what I say. Precision of language.

Most people can’t really handle bluntness or boldness. They need things sugar coated because they’re used to word and mind games.

Children know what they want and aren’t shy about asking for it.

I collect presents for my children all year round for Christmas and birthdays. I pay attention to what they say they like and want.

I focus on food during holidays because those are good memories for me. My aunt always had a gorgeous spread on Christmas Eve, Easter, Independence Day. I learned a lot about decorating and cooking from her.

And my daughter criticized me for cooking too well that holidays aren’t even that special. What a backwards compliment.

Should I speak up and ask specifically for what I want on my birthday and Mother’s Day? It seems selfish and greedy. I’m not one to spend money on myself often.

It feels like a “Mommie Dearest” kind of a moment to sit them down and demand that that my kids do something for me.

But they all miss the point: The true gift any mother wants is not to do anything.

Lyz Lenz

I’m often overlooked and I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking that’s how to treat people, especially their own future in-laws. I want them to have healthier families than mine was and is, what I’m trying to teach them even with my mistakes.

It’s up to me to end abusive or traumatic cycles and this includes making holidays and celebrations a cheerful, not stressful time. I want my kids to have good memories. I don’t my kids remembering their mom sulking every Christmas because the cinnamon rolls overbaked a tiny bit and complaining about not getting anything for her birthday again this year.

Maybe my family doesn’t really know or remember my preferences, likes, dislikes so they just don’t do anything. Maybe they really are thoughtless and don’t even want to put forth the effort. But maybe my family just wants a bulleted list or PowerPoint presentation about what to get Mom on Mother’s Day, Christmas, my birthday.

Yes, I realize we are privileged. We don’t struggle financially or medically. We have nothing but time and effort to improve our relationships with each other.

How I like to celebrate holidays:

Breakfast: spinach onion Parmesan omelet or veggie frittata

Dinner: seafood. I especially love salmon and scallops.

Presents: Always welcome are books from my wish list, bird feeders, experiences, gardening items.

I like to keep things simple.

How do you celebrate holidays?

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: Christmas, holiday, motherhood, relationships

Teaching Sex Ed

The blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure. Also see my suggested resources.

June 22, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 12 Comments

We are born trusting our bodies and our instincts for what our bodies need.

For most of us, something interrupted that trust long before puberty.

We can’t just allow our kids to grow almost all the way up and then one day realize they are sexual beings and break out some library books to teach them what goes where, the end, amen.

Like my mom did.

She just called me into the dining room and there sat a stack of library books and she said, “have at it” and left me there to look through them.

I don’t remember being able to ask any questions.

I found The Joy of Sex on my bachelor uncle’s bookshelf when I was a preteen. He never censored my reading.

I remember reading one of my mom’s magazines on the living room floor, probably Glamour, when I was about 12 and asking my dad what is an orgasm? He yelled at me, “What the hell are you reading?” and he never answered my question. I felt like I was in trouble. The dictionary definition didn’t help me. There was no internet in 1988. I couldn’t ask my equally ignorant friends or acquaintances at school.

While I understood the biology of puberty and even the mechanics of sex and procreation, it was still a shock when I got my first period.

I was 12, one month shy of my thirteenth birthday. My father was tickling me and we were wrestling around on the floor. Suddenly, he sat up, and told me through clenched teeth to go to my mother. I didn’t know what I had done wrong, why I was in trouble for nothing.

Through some unknown communication, my mother somehow knew and took me to the bathroom and bathed me like I was a toddler. I was stunned, speechless, and helpless. I looked like a skinny ten-year-old. I had no breasts, but had developed public hair the last year. Nothing seemed textbook. The memory is a huge embarrassment to me.

I still wonder where my breasts went. I only grew during pregnancy and nursing and then they went back to flat nippled pancakes. I couldn’t find any clothing that fit or looked right.

I was another disappointment to my mother that I never looked like her in all her mesomorph glamorous hourglass glory.

I had to use my mother’s sanitary products. I didn’t get to go to the store to choose a variety to try or discover for myself what worked best or was more comfortable for me. I wasn’t allowed to wear tampons. Those weren’t for virgins. I eventually began wearing tampons when I was about 16. I was also no longer a virgin then.

My father discovered condoms in my purse when I was 18. Why was he going through my purse in the first place? He stormed into my bathroom when I was getting out of the bath. I never had any privacy. I stood there dripping, trying to cover myself with a towel while he berated me, lectured me, yelled at me.

I couldn’t think quick enough. I could’ve lied that they were leftovers from when we had handed them to the principal during high school graduation, which was true.

The scenario dissolved into my parents forbidding me to see my boyfriend anymore. They told me I could leave with the clothes on my back if I didn’t like. I prepared to leave. I was already a sophomore in college with a part-time job. But I had nowhere else to go, nowhere to live. No family or friends would take me in. My boyfriend’s parents wouldn’t intervene to let me live there. The best they could offer was maybe I could move in with his sister, a single mom. It wasn’t appealing to me.

I was lost and alone and on the cusp of adulthood, with my parents treating me like a juvenile delinquent.

The relationship never improved.

I snuck around for months with my boyfriend only to break up with him in an ugly immature way because of the stress.

It ruined many future relationships for me. I didn’t know how to have healthy relationships. I was in my early twenties, living at home and going to college, having to pretend I was an adult while having to sneak around with friends, dates, boyfriends.

I want to help my children grow up more healthy than I did.

Children need mentors instead of gatekeepers.

We have to start the conversation about sexual health when children are very young, with those first innocent and precious, maybe uncomfortable for us, questions.

Where do babies come from?

How are boys and girls different?

What are those bugs or animals doing together?

Talking about sexual health with the children in your world encompasses many topics, not just sex, puberty and reproduction. The exciting part is that we generally have about 18 years to roll it all out. Starting early, approaching subjects gradually using age-appropriate language throughout their development, makes it a lot less overwhelming or awkward than trying to cram it into one talk.

Sex Positive Families

We need to answer honestly, but not overwhelmingly, according to the child’s age and ability.

I think it’s best to avoid cartoons, fruit, cutesy birds and bees analogies.

I often panicked and overtalked when my son wanted a very simple answer.

It’s best to keep it simple and teach the proper names for all body parts for both male and female to our sons and daughters.

Maybe we should stop projecting our own sexual hangups onto others. My parents and The Church didn’t give useful or healthy advice.

And stop sexualizing children and teens. Stop assuming, joking, encouraging, or asking kids about romantic relationships. They’re children.

Comprehensive sex education gives kids & teens the resources to make the healthiest decisions for themselves. This isn’t radical; it’s ethical.

Eric Sprankle, Psy.D.

Sexual health is more than sex.

Comprehensive Sex Education:

  • Human Development (including reproduction, puberty, sexual orientation, and gender identity)
  • Relationships (including families, friendships, romantic relationships and dating)
  • Personal Skills (including communication, negotiation, and decision-making)
  • Sexual Behavior (including abstinence and sexuality throughout life)
  • Sexual Health (including sexually transmitted diseases, contraception, and pregnancy)
  • Society and Culture (including gender roles, diversity, and sexuality in the media)

Teaching human development seems like the easy part! It’s science. It is unemotional. This goes here and this happens and sometimes there is procreation. This is neutral ground.

Relationships are a bit more difficult as we are almost all still dealing with our own issues and navigating through them. It’s important that kids and teens know what a healthy relationship looks like, especially since I am still learning how to do this myself.

We all are still learning personal skills and how to get along well.

As far as behavior, health, and culture, that’s where things tend to get more difficult!

We cannot just focus on abstinence and STIs and call it a day. When generations of people fear sex and think it’s all bad and struggle with healthy relationships, we have to change something.

I have witnessed some disturbing acts this past year.

On two separate occasions, with two different families, parents teased their children and laughed at their cries of “No!” and “Stop!” The two incidents took place while I was a spectator at my son’s baseball games.

One father squirted a water bottle onto his tween daughter and the mother, father, extended family all admonished her for saying, “Stop!” and she cried while they continued to make fun of her and got her shirt all wet.

The other incident, a mother squirted her baseball player son with a water bottle – a little too much in the face, trying to clean out his sandy eyes. He started crying and getting angry and she ridiculed him and told him he was fine, but then proceeded to empty the water bottle onto his head and he got rather hysterical at that invasion. She continued to laugh at him and other parents chuckled at the scene.

I was horrified. These kids are learning that consent doesn’t matter. They are learning they are not safe. They are learning their parents won’t believe them nor do their feelings matter. They are learning that “no” or “stop” don’t mean anything. And they might do things to others and wonder why it’s not ok.

Teaching Consent

Consent through Fear, Guilt, Pestering, Begging, Pleading is not Consent.

Teaching about autonomy and consent should begin when children are babies. It has nothing to do with sex.

Children should have bodily autonomy.

Kids can and should choose what and when to eat, clothing, when to sleep, and how to control their bodies, including touch.

Kids should learn at a young age that they can make their own decisions based on their bodies needs and desires. I assist, coach, and guide them to make healthier decisions. Sometimes, it’s inconvenient for me. (We compromise on meals and sleep schedules. Our family has privilege and freedom with this.)

Model asking permission before touching kids or their belongings and teach them to do the same with others.

Ask permission before picking up, tickling, or engaging in any activity that involves touching a person or their possessions.

Teach kids their bodies are their own. They don’t have to touch, kiss, hug, or high five relatives or friends or anyone.

Teach kids to ask before hugging their siblings or friends and other adults.

Practice asking teens and other adults if it’s a good time for conversation. Show respect for space.

Teach kids and teens not to give out personal information in person or online.

We have to talk about harassment, assault, and rape.

We have to end these ridiculous attitudes about sexual violence.

I don’t want to know his swim scores. I don’t care what she was wearing. I don’t care if she did drugs or how much she had to drink. I don’t care if they had sex before. I don’t care if they were watching porn.

No means no.

Kids have the right to say no and we as parents must accept their no. If and when a situation arises when we must compromise, we have to do so respectfully and lovingly. Connected parents who are not controlling are more likely to have children willing to cooperate and desiring to find solutions that makes everyone happy.

I’ve had the hard conversations with my three daughters about not wearing this or that, about not running, skating, biking, hiking alone. They must constantly be vigilant and aware of their surroundings and who might pose a threat. I warn them about not accepting a drink from anyone or setting food or drink down and coming back to it. I constantly remind my daughters to take up space. I want to believe all women because I think all of us has experienced sexual assault at some point, even if we don’t want to admit it or be really honest about it.

We have to also talk to our sons about respecting all people all the time. We have to discuss his privilege to go anywhere he likes and how he might seem threatening just by his size and strength compared to women. I teach my son to make room for others. I try to calmly point out to my husband and son when they use inappropriate or questionable language, gestures, or block a space with their physical presence.

According to male rape myths, boys and men cannot be sexually abused. The truth is, the figure is staggering. 

If we don’t have these constant conversations, then sexual assault will continue and be more and more accepted in our society.

Anyone can be a victim and it is never his or her fault, no matter the clothing choices, or being alone, or being under the influence of a substance.

Sex is rarely about just sex.

When teens and young adults begin dating, sex is bound to become an issue or a topic of conversation. This is normal and natural. How we react as parents is of paramount importance.

The images of dads with guns and interviews and applications to date their daughters is disturbing. Girls are not property to be sold or bought or even protected like she is fragile.

Boys are not all predators only “out for one thing” as media and society would tell us. “Boys will be boys” and they can’t control themselves, we are taught by almost everyone, and especially by The Church.

Sexual harassment and inappropriate jokes aren’t funny.

Intimacy is not about sex. Intimacy is about TRUTH. When you trust someone, when you can tell someone your truth, when you show your real self to someone, when you can stand in front of someone and their response is: “You are safe with me.” THAT is intimacy.

Happy teens with healthy family relationships seldom rush into early sexual relationships with other dysfunctional partners.

It’s almost considered a normal rite of passage for teens to engage in sexual acts. I remember being curious what all the fuss was about when I was a teenager. Then at 16, I was pretty disappointed and society sure labels the girls and boys differently.

I certainly don’t have a healthy sexual history. I want more for my kids.

I’ve asked myself many times to quell my anxiety and do some soul searching:

“What’s the worst that can happen?”

  • What if my daughter gets pregnant?
  • What if my son gets a girl pregnant?
  • What if my child gets an STI?
  • What if my daughter gets assaulted or raped?
  • What if my son harasses, assaults, or rapes?
  • What if my child is nonbinary or LGBTQ+?

I want my kids to know what contraceptives are and what are the risks and how they can be obtained and used. I don’t want them ignorant or afraid. I hope and pray that they come to me if or when something happens that could be life-changing or life-threatening.

Unfortunately, we still live in a society with a government that wants to dictate what happens to a woman’s body.

Most of these questions concern most parents. Of course we have big emotions if these things happen. No one wishes for a teen pregnancy, violence, or the ostracization that comes from an alternative lifestyle.

I hope that I have the right reactions and love to help my child through anything.

Sometimes [sex] is about a hunger to be desired. It may be an escape from boredom or loneliness. It may also be a way of staking territory or claiming a possession, or may serve as an attempt to lock into an exclusive relationship with another. Sex can be a powerful symbol of status and recognition. It can be about scoring or about belonging or fitting in or clinging and holding on. It may be about dominance or submission or may function to please someone. Sex, in some cases, reflects a lack of boundaries and an inability to say no. It can, of course, express love, heartfelt passion, and true intimacy. Nearly always, in one form or another, sex is about attachment. In the lives of our adolescents it is, most often, an expression of unfulfilled attachment needs.

Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté, MD

It’s important for people to realize that sex should feel good. We are so enamored of sin and purity in American culture and history that it’s easy to push an agenda that sex is bad, wrong, dirty, or sinful.

There is no “switch” to turn on when a person walks down the aisle into a marriage and sex is suddenly considered ok by society, especially religious people. We are doing young people a huge disservice when we teach that sex is bad.

To those struggling with “sexual sin” (e.g., masturbation, same sex attraction), just know that it’s the person who taught you about sin that is causing the struggle, not your sexuality.

Eric Sprankle, PsyD

As a Christian, I started off with the biblical curriculum that seems to be pretty approved across the evangelical board. Most of it is ok. It also misses many marks that affect our society.

Do I want gaps in my kids’ education? Of course not. Do I want my kids learning from their friends, the media, Netflix shows, Hollywood? Not without an open conversation, a safe space where they can ask me questions, and discuss difficult topics with me.

I want my kids and teens and young adults to be able to ask me the hard questions, even if it makes me uncomfortable, even if I don’t know the best answer. We can discuss it and discover the best course of action or philosophy together.

The body is much sinned against, even in a religion based on the Incarnation. Religion has often presented the body as the source of evil, ambiguity, lust, and seduction. This is utterly false and irreverent. The body is sacred.

John O’Donohue, Anam Ċara

Pornography is not real life.

Sexual media is fantasy. Kids and teens are exposed to a lot of fake bodies and abusive sexual and relationship circumstances in the media.

It’s important to talk about these issues with kids and teens before we realize they’re viewing porn online, on smartphones, or with their friends.

Internet and social media makes everything instantly accessible. It doesn’t seem to matter if there are parental controls on devices. If kids are curious, they will find a way.

We have to discuss the dangers of pornography and its exploitation of males and females. We have to talk about sexting before we discover photos of underage teens on devices.

I am blessed that my nineteen year old daughter feels safe to be open with me about her life. I don’t have to agree, but it is her life and her body. I can only guide her and tell her about my past and help her make good choices for herself.

Many people regardless of faith or background feel fear or even disgust regarding many sexual topics. It’s important to move past issues that are uncomfortable for me. That means that I have to learn about things that I never knew before.

We have to talk about gender.

If our teen speaks up about sex, sexuality, or gender…listen, love, and be humble.

The concepts of gender and sexual orientation are awkward for many of us whether we grew up in religious homes or not. Gender fluidity wasn’t acceptable until recently. We are still working out LGBTQ+ equality in our society.

For people who cannot accept gender or sexual differences other than binary cishet, please ask yourself why and don’t just wrongly quote religious texts to justify your hatred and intolerance.

I want to be respectful of everyone. I am learning how to do this.

I had students who were abused because their Christian parents couldn’t accept who they are.

The discovery of one’s sexual preference doesn’t have to be a trauma. It’s a trauma because it’s such a traumatized society.

James Baldwin 

When I was in college, I didn’t know sexual slang or anything about pornography. I was sheltered and naïve.

As a student and even after I graduated, I was the butt of many jokes from classmates, partners, and then from my high school students during my first few years of teaching.

I don’t want my kids to feel shame because they don’t know something that everyone else seems to know.

Sex is a difficult topic for many parents. We just have to do better.

I’ve written about sex ed before and my philosophy is evolving as my kids grow up and I learn how to parent better.

  • Is it Time for The TALK?
  • Having The TALK
  • Healthy Sexuality and Relationships
  • Why I Don’t Teach Purity
  • 10 Things I Want to Tell My Children
  • In the Middle
  • Parenting Teens
  • Teaching Kids About Relationships
  • Making Sense of It Book Review
  • Shameless Book Review

Book List

  • Let’s Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent, and Respect by Jayneen Sanders 
  • Amazing You: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts by Gail Saltz
  • It’s Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends by Robie H. Harris
  • It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health by Robie H. Harris (My husband read this with our son.)
  • It’s So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families by Robie H. Harris
  • The Period Book: A Girl’s Guide to Growing Up by Karen Gravelle and Jennifer Gravelle
  • Body Drama: Real Girls, Real Bodies, Real Issues, Real Answers by Nancy Amanda Redd
  • Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen’s Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body by Toni Weschler
  • Malia’s Magnificent Moontime: A Holistic Guide to Menstrual Self-Care by Angela Shabazz and Kendi Shabazz Muhammad
  • Moon Mother, Moon Daughter by Janet Lucy and Terri Allison 
  • Celebrate Your Body by Sonya Renee Taylor and Book 2 by Dr. Carrie Leff
  • The Girls’ Guide to Sex Education: Over 100 Honest Answers to Urgent Questions about Puberty, Relationships, and Growing Up by Michelle Hope, M.A.
  • Asking About Sex & Growing Up: A Question-and-Answer Book for Kids by Joanna Cole
  • Sex is a Funny Word: A Book about Bodies, Feelings, and YOU by Cory Silverberg
  • Consent: The New Rules of Sex Education: Every Teen’s Guide to Healthy Sexual Relationships by Jennifer Lang, MD
  • S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties by Heather Corinna
  • Changing Bodies, Changing Lives: Expanded Third Edition: A Book for Teens on Sex and Relationships by Ruth Bell
  • Unprotected Texts: The Bible’s Surprising Contradictions About Sex and Desire by Jennifer Wright Knust
  • The Gender Wheel: a story about bodies and gender for every body by Maya Christina Gonzalez
  • It Feels Good to Be Yourself: A Book About Gender Identity by Theresa Thorn
  • Pink Is for Boys by Robb Pearlman
  • Sparkle Boy by Leslea Newman
  • Julián Is a Mermaid by Jessica Love
  • Gracefully Grayson by Ami Polonsky
  • Small Gods by Terry Pratchett
  • Sense and Goodness Without God: A Defense of Metaphysical Naturalism by Richard Carrier
  • Tell Me: What Children Really Want to Know About Bodies, Sex, and Emotions by Katharina von der Gathen. Read a review.
  • Who Are You? The Kid’s Guide to Gender Identity by Brook Pessin-Whedbee
  • Maybe He Just Likes You by Barbara Dee
  • That’s What Friends Do by Cathleen Barnhart 
  • Express Yourself by Emily Roberts
  • Stand Up for Yourself and Your Friends by Patti Kelley Criswell

Resources

  • Kelly Grove The “Sex Lady” Who Teaches Us to Do Better and The Things Sex Education Failed To Teach You
  • Lily Isobella, especially these posts: Not My Son and What Did You Need to Know?
  • Born in an Age of Porn
  • Don’t tell the kids to just look away
  • How Sex Ed Perpetuates Rape Culture
  • How to Talk to Kids About Consent
  • Scarleteen
  • Get the Sex Education You Never Had With These 9 Books
  • Our Whole Life Curriculum
  • These are Our Bodies Curriculum
  • Fast Times at Ridgemont High

These books and resources can be a great education for those of us with gaps and questions. We should want to do better and have a more open, trusting relationship with our children than we perhaps did with our parents. I’ve read and watched a lot of it with my own teens so we can discuss the concepts, issues, and scenes.

When young people are not informed early that their bodies can be a safe place for them to get to know, to explore, and that it can be pleasurable to do so… or when they’re taught about sex only from a reproductive standpoint without discussion of pleasure, we do not adequately prepare them with the necessary awareness, language and interpersonal skills that best ensure their safety and satisfaction within sexual experiences.
An attempt to deny or dismiss pleasure contributes to higher incidences of “consenting” to sex when it isn’t truly desired; being less aware of the non-verbal cues and unique needs of partners; faking orgasms; and, not being aware of and confident within one’s own body.
When young people are ill-informed and under-prepared, they cannot make informed choices.
Sex education discussions must be shame-free, must include the nuances of pleasure and must be early and ongoing to truly make a meaningful impact.
Ideally, children live long enough to grow into adults. Let’s do our part to prepare them for safer, mutually satisfying sexual experiences when they get there.

When we erase pleasure from sexual health talks with young people, we fail to fully prepare them for safer, mutually satisfying experiences into adulthood.

Sex Positive Families

Our conversations about sex must evolve if we want society to be healthy.

Linking up: Random Musings, Marilyn’s Treats, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Mostly Blogging, Kippi at Home, Create with Joy, Grammy’s Grid, Home Stories, Mary Geisen, InstEncouragements, Purposeful Faith, Sallie Borrink, Lou Lou Girls, Suburbia, Our Three Peas, Grandma’s Ideas, Anchored Abode, Worth Beyond Rubies, Soaring with Him, Welcome Heart, Ridge Haven Homestead, Ducks in a Row, Girlish Whims, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap Crafts, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, CKK, Slices of Life, Life Beyond the Kitchen, OMHG, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Katherine’s Corner, Simply Sweet home, Embracing Unexpected, Lyli Dunbar, Fireman’s Wife, Create with Joy, Being a Wordsmith, Little Cottage,

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Filed Under: Family Tagged With: relationships, sex

Making a House a Home

The blog may contain affiliate links: disclosure. Also see my suggested resources.

June 15, 2020 By Jennifer Lambert 16 Comments

We bought a house!

The dream of a house can be the eternally postponed preliminary step to taking up the lives we wish we were living…If you lived in your heart, you’d be home right now.

Rebecca Solnit

We’ve rented this house for almost three years. I’m tired of paying high rent when we could be earning equity.

Aaron has about a year and a half until retirement from the Air Force.

We’re settling down in Dayton, Ohio.

Having always rented a house made us feel like we never had a home. We often wanted to do updates or improvements, but we didn’t want to sink a lot of money into a rental and landlords are often weird.

When we moved in, our son asked us if this was our forever home. He was tired of moving. We all were and are. We didn’t know then that we would be able to purchase this house and stay here.

The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.

Maya Angelou, All God’s Children Need Traveling Shoes

I lived in the same house for my first sixteen years. We moved to another house until I moved out. My parents now live in a house that will never be my home. I have no memories there.

My husband grew up in the same town – in two houses – where he lived all his youth and young adult life. His sisters still live there. His middle sister still lives in the house where they all grew up.

It’s hard looking back at all the houses I’ve lived in, all the houses our family has lived in during our military moves. I often get confused when I am sleepy or sick, my memories getting befuddled in all the hallways and rooms in my mind.

Home is that youthful region where a child is the only real living inhabitant. Parents, siblings, and neighbors, are mysterious apparitions, who come, go, and do strange unfathomable things in and around the child, the region’s only enfranchised citizen.

Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter

I can finally throw out all the boxes I’ve saved over the years since we had to pack some items in their original boxes for the movers to ship them, like our flat screen TV.

I love getting rid of the clutter! I don’t have to save anything “just in case” we might need it at our next destination.

I only have to keep things I find beautiful, special, nostalgic.

I can paint walls, update the garden, remove and replace fixtures. I can do anything I want!

At a crossroad, a kind soul asked aloud,

“Which way shall I turn? Which way is best?”

Quietly the Universe responded,

“Go until it feels like home.”

Adrian Michael

How I’m Decorating Our First Home

Entry Way

We usually enter our home through the garage.

We have some hooks for bags, hats, and jackets.

We can go straight through another door to the backyard. I have a shoe rack there blocking the seldom used door and I don’t like it, but it’s what it is for now.

We have a large pantry where we store seldom used and bulky kitchen appliances.

The coolest thing is there is a laundry chute from my closet to that pantry and I can scoot the clothes into the laundry room!

Laundry Room

I love having a large laundry room with lots of storage.

I have room for my chest freezer at the end of the counter. We store our baking molds, raclette, fondue, ice cream maker, and slicer on the shelf above the counter.

We often use it as a mud room since it’s right by the doors to the backyard and garage.

I have a huge pantry on the right and a big sink.

There are wire shelves over the washer and dryer and I would like to replace those with cabinets and solid shelves.

We may replace the tile floor. It seems like it needs regrouting or something.

Kitchen

All the flooring on our main level was updated with Pergo wood grain and it’s nice.

The cabinets were painted a weird textured grey and we plan to update those by painting the lower cabinets black and upper cabinets white. It should brighten the room immensely.

I love the granite countertops.

The stainless GE appliances are the best I’ve ever had.

On the right side is our fridge and coffee nook with the pantry we redid when we first moved in.

Breakfast Nook

I love my bay windows and mini jungle in our breakfast nook.

I scored this table and chairs in Utah over ten years ago- at two different yard sales – for a total of $30!

I loathe the little chandelier and will replace it soon with something less ostentatious.

Dining Room

The china cabinet and dishes belonged to Aaron’s grandma.

We all eat dinner together here almost every evening.

Fridays, we have homemade pizza in the basement with a movie on our TV.

Powder Bathroom

Could you believe we lived here almost three years and suffered with these light fixtures being upside down? And I would hit my head when I washed my hands!

We plan to get a better mirror, repaint, and maybe wallpaper an accent wall, buy a small cabinet vanity in place of the tiny pedestal sink and perhaps a shelf or cabinet over the commode. New rugs too.

Living Room

We have six people in our family, so all the cutesy seating arrangements for four I see on design sites aren’t right for us.

I bought a new sofa and loveseat last year. I love the sleek design. I chose the La-Z-Boy Dixie Sofa and Loveseat in Mocha.

The pink gooseneck rocker belonged to my grandma. My parents bought me the Harbor Town recliner last year.

I’m getting a new rug soon. I already have the smaller one by our sliding door to the deck and a runner and little rug at the front door.

It looks a little crowded, but it’s working for now.

Hearth

I love having a brick hearth and mantel.

We have shells from our travels and some fun collected items. I love candles and lanterns.

Reading Nook

We have this weird landing at the top of the stairs that seems like wasted space to me.

Other homes with our similar floor plan have four bedrooms upstairs, but we have only three. Our middle girls have always shared a bedroom.

Thanks to everyone who helped me create this space!

Aaron’s grandma’s chair with the kids’ bookshelf.

Photos of our parents and grandparents watch over the kids.

I plan to get some tall houseplants since it’s pretty bright from our foyer windows.

I just added a floor lamp too.

Bedroom

We have a tall vaulted ceiling that I have no real ideas what to do with. Maybe a center beam?

We plan to paint the walls a pale grey and perhaps get some crown molding.

I ordered some navy and beige paneled drapes to match our new bedding (from Target).

We finally got a new mattress set – after twenty years!

I’m still in love with my bedroom furniture and I couldn’t find any better. No need to update it when it works great.

Not in love with my crooked wedding pics over the bed. We have so much wall space and I have few ideas.

Kids’ Rooms

My middle girls share a room with bunk beds with one window overlooking the backyard. They hate it, but it’s the way it is. They share the hall bathroom that has two sinks.

My son has the other upstairs bedroom with two front windows and ceiling fan. We gave him that room because they bunks wouldn’t fit any which way and the fan would have been dangerous for the top bunk. He uses my bathroom but we may have to reevaluate this soon.

Basement

We love having a finished basement.

I like having the TV and video games tucked out of sight.

I have the kids’ white erase boards on one wall. I have the three kids’ desks where we do any formal homeschool lessons, mostly math. My home office is upstairs with all my bookcases is in a room opposite our dining room.

We bought a used elliptical very cheaply from an older couple moving away and it’s awesome.

Our sectional sofa is still holding up ok after 10+ years.

There is a wet bar that I want to update with a new updated counter, faucet, and hopefully a narrow refrigerator in place of the pantry or a short beverage cooler in place of a cabinet.

My eldest daughter, almost twenty, has a bedroom and bathroom to herself in the basement but no windows.

Garden

We have a large front yard. We’re tackling the clover and weeds and trying to grow grass in the bald spots.

We have a little garden beside the garage where we get the most sunshine. We have peas, spinach, lettuce, green beans, cucumber, yellow squash, radishes, and carrots.

Our back yard slopes down to a lovely creek. It’s very shady.

We’re updating slowly as we can afford it.

We added pretty stepping stones and pine wood chips to a muddy area.

I plan to turn the sand pit into a Japanese shade garden.

We plan to sand, repair, and repaint the deck in brown or gray floor with white railings.

There is a firepit surrounded by too large gravel. I want to place some flat stones around it for a seating area.

Hostas are poking through the wood chips on either side. We need a new fence and I think I will prefer a picket instead of rail and wire.

Four walnut trees are coming down next month. You can see two on the right. The walnuts fall on our deck and it’s dangerous!

It’s really quite scary knowing we are responsible for all the maintenance on this home.

We know we need new siding and deck repairs. Most of the inside is in fantastic shape and we just want to make some updates.

We got a 30-year VA loan and I wonder if it will ever get paid off.

Elemental Blessing For A New Home

Before a human voice was ever heard here,
This place has known the respect of stone,
The friendship of the wind, always returning
With news of elsewhere, whispered in seed and pollen,
The thin symphonies of birdsong softening the silence,
The litanies of rain rearranging the air,
Cascades of sunlight opening and closing days,
And the glow of the moon gazing through darkness.
May all that elemental enrichment
Bless the foundation and standing of your home.
Before you came here, this place has known
The wonder of children’s eyes,
The hope of mornings in troubled hearts,
The tranquillity of twilight easing the night,
The drama of dreams under sleeping eyelids,
The generous disturbance of birth,
The anxieties of old age unclenching into grace
And the final elegance of calmly embraced death.
May the life of your new home enter
Into this inheritance of spirit.
May the rain fall kindly,
May daylight illuminate your hearts,
May the darkness never burden,
May those who dwell here in the unseen
Watch over your coming and going,
May your lives of love and promise
Refine and deepen the mind of this land.

John O’Donohue, To Bless the Space Between Us

For a New Home

May this house shelter your life.
When you come in home here,
May all the weight of the world
Fall from your shoulders.
May your heart be tranquil here,
Blessed by peace the world cannot give.
May this home be a lucky place,
Where the graces your life desires
Always find the pathway to your door.
May nothing destructive
Ever cross your threshold.
May this be a safe place
Full of understanding and acceptance,
Where you can be as you are,
Without the need of any mask
Of pretense or image.
May this home be a place of discovery,
Where the possibilities that sleep
In the clay of your soul can emerge
To deepen and refine your vision
For all that is yet to come to birth.
May it be a house of courage,
Where healing and growth are loved,
Where dignity and forgiveness prevail;
A home where patience of spirit is prized,
And the sight of the destination is never lost
Though the journey be difficult and slow.
May there be great delight around this hearth.
May it be a house of welcome
For the broken and diminished.
May you have the eyes to see
That no visitor arrives without a gift
And no guest leaves without a blessing.

John O’Donohue, To Bless the Space Between Us
We removed the bottom hooks! We are HOME.

You might also like:

  • Considerations Before Renting a Home
  • CORT Furniture Rental
  • Decorating on a Budget
  • Putting Dreams on Hold
  • How to Make Moves Less Stressful
  • My Kitchen Essentials
  • Military Kids are Third Culture Kids
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