I’m not a naturally humble person. I’m not optimistic or even particularly happy.
I buck and fight with my strong-willed self.
A cuppa pride brimmeth over.
But to train up my children in the Lord and be a good example to them, I need to be a positive force and I cannot just appear humble, I have to humble myself.
If my family doesn’t feel I’m happy with my choice to serve them, I have failed as a wife and mother.
And there are many, many, many days when that is the case. I have failed.
Thank God for His grace and mercy and redemption.
Sometimes, I listen to the devil’s lies that I am less than, never good enough, and I let that false belief control my being and I lash out at the little ones I love most in the world.
My husband takes the brunt of it. Gracefully, and he forgives me every time.
I have friends who have it better than me and worse than me. Very Dickens best of times and worst of times. I have friends whose husbands are deploying to scary places and friends with marriage troubles and friends with children who just up and leave without a word and friends with children who are chronically ill and there is little hope.
So I should be happy, all the time. Right?
I’ve got it so good. I feel guilt to admit when I have a bad day because I don’t deserve a pity party when all my kids are healthy as can be and can mouth off at a moment’s notice. We have two cats as pets. Poor countries don’t have the luxury of having pets. My husband has a stable career and we get to live in lovely Germany and travel all over Europe. We eat well and and have pretty clothes. We love and appreciate art and music, a sign of wealth and leisure.
We have more than enough.
But we are all products of our environments and I’ve never experienced sacrifice. I’ve certainly been humbled before. And I say:
It is better to humble yourself than to be humbled by others or circumstances.
So, I’m praying and reading my Bible and going to church and working out my faith in front of my family. They keep me on my toes and they’re quick to point out my faults and failings and contradictions between my actions and what I teach to them.
Mostly in love.