Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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My Daily Must Haves

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I scrolled through several blogger posts about daily must haves.

Most days, I lounge around in comfy clothes and I don’t wear makeup every day.

Thinking about my restful daily schedule, I have a few necessities that make my life healthier and happier.

My Daily Must Haves

Yorkshire Gold Tea

I love my water cooker. I drink two big mugs of Yorkshire Gold Tea every morning with raw sugar and milk.

Google Pixel

I love Google calendar to stay organized with our family of 6. We color code everyone so I know who needs to be where. This phone has a great camera!

iPad Mini

I love the Kindle app and it helps me keep organized with library eBooks and homeschool reading.

Essential Oils

We love our essential oils and I use them for diffusing, tummyaches, headaches, skin ailments, sinus pressure, perfume. My favorite perfume is a blend of neroli and elemi with vanilla.

Vitamins and Supplements

We all take cod liver oil and multivitamins. I love the hair skin and nails blend. We do try to eat well with lots of vegetables, but these supplement our diet and help us have the daily energy we need to be healthy.

Reef Slippers

I love, love, love my Reef flip flops. I have an old pair I wear around indoors during summer and several pretty pairs to wear when I go out.

Brow Gel

I love e.l.f Wow Brow Gel since I’ve noticed I have little white brow hairs! How rude of them to go all Andy Rooney.

What are your daily must haves?

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Confidence

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Years ago, I was searching and wondering if I was on the right path.

My kids were very young. I felt worthless, exhausted, and mostly a failure in all aspects of my life.

I went to university to become an English teacher. I sailed through a master’s in education, then got a job teaching high school English. I was able to teach two semesters of college writing as an adjunct and it was a dream that shattered when we had to move out of state. I never returned for that coveted Ph.D.

I left the world of academia to be a stay at home mom, homeschooling my four kids. To many, I was considered a failure.

I grew up in a time that mere mothers were ridiculed (and I think they still are). The Supermom had to do it all – career, marriage, family, extensive social engagements, church, charity.

It’s too much.

It seemed like so many women had it all together, seemed at peace with their place in life, had a successful life doing whatever they were called to do.

I struggle. I feel like I am fighting something or someone all the time.

It took me many years to figure out my priorities as a parent and homeschool mom. I still have moments, days, weeks, seasons of doubt.

When we first began homeschooling, I made so many mistakes. I didn’t know really how to begin. I looked to other homeschool moms who had perhaps been homeschooled themselves or who had older kids and had been homeschooling them for years.

I questioned everything. I questioned my abilities as a mother and teacher. Even though I had gone to college for education and earned an M.Ed., I didn’t feel confident teaching my own kids for a very long time.

Some wives and mothers I knew who did not homeschool felt the need to speak up about how they thought it should be done. And many homeschool parents criticized me for not doing it their way.

I was criticized for answering the phone during the day or running errands with or without kids in tow. I was told to just get a nanny for the babies so I could be social. Or that I should do more for the kids and less for myself, that I was selfish to want any time or self care.

I’ve been criticized for attending church, not attending church, reading the wrong books or watching the wrong media.

Eyebrows raised over what I did and didn’t let my kids do.

So I’ve been told my entire life that I am just wrong. After so long of being told all these things, I started to believe it. And it wore me down and I got depressed and anxious. Then they want to throw pills at me and tell me it’s all my fault anyway, something wrong with my brain chemistry.

I worried about fitting in with the moms who seemed to have it all together. They look like magazine models and their kids seem perfect and their husbands and parents are proud and doting. Theses moms have lots of friends and social engagements, but somehow seem never rushed or stressed. How did they do it? Why did they do it? It was like Stepford and did I really want to be like that?

Would I ever get to that point of confidence?

After a women’s conference years ago, I met up with a group having breakfast at the airport before flights. I asked a very well-known Christian homeschool mom, author, and speaker if we ever get to that point of…

And she cut me off with an emphatic “NO!”

I was shook at her attitude, her rudeness, her anxiety. This lady is supposed to be a mentor to other wives and moms? Her curated perfection on social media, in her speaking engagements, and in her books seem all lies compared to her real self shown to us in that airport.

Almost ten years later, I want to understand where she was coming from, but I’m not even sure what she meant. That we are always a work in progress? But her delivery overshadowed any lesson she was trying to impart.

Some of the most self-conscious, cynical people I’ve met are self-professed Christians.

Forget about your life situation for a while and pay attention to your life. Your life situation exists in time—your life is now.

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Confidence means many things to different people.

To me, confidence means becoming unashamedly more of myself.

I’ve been told that I appear confident. But they mean intimidating.

Why is it that confident women are considered brash, angry, hostile, arrogant, aggressive?

I am quiet. I am not shy. I am introverted. I do not have social anxiety. I think carefully before I speak. I observe.

I have felt a vast shift since I hit my 40s.

I am less concerned about what people think of me – my appearance, my parenting style, my kids’ dyed hair.

This summer, I bought new clothes that I never felt I could wear before: shorts, sleeveless tops. I am not ashamed of my thighs and arms. I spent most of my youth desperate for my body to change and when it never really did get curvy, I was so disappointed. I’ve never had a flat tummy or a big chest and that combo is unfortunate in our society and both women and men humiliated me for not looking like they thought I should. I’ve had so many ask if I’m pregnant because I’m thin all over but with this round soft tummy. I will never look like a magazine model and that’s ok.

I know that I am not stupid. I am not uneducated, but I still have so much to learn and I try to be humble and not insert myself where I am not wanted or needed. I trust my intuition more now. I made lots of mistakes with my kids and I am making amends now. I am ending generational trauma and healing my own self. I love seeing my kids become who they are meant to be – dyed hair, piercings, tattoos, unique clothing, whatever.

I wasn’t allowed to express myself and it’s good to see my kids live free.

I’m remembering who I am, who I was when I was a little girl, before I got stifled, and I feel more safety to express myself now.

I have long straight mousy blonde hair. I even have a few silver streaks. I’m tired of going to salons where they want to make me look like everyone else. I’d rather have dirty tomato-scented fingernails than have a manicure. I have stretch marks, forehead furrows, a vertical line between my brows, and an indention on the left corner of my mouth. I earned these marks. Why would I want to erase them with Botox?

My first three decades or so brought much anxiety with doubting myself and my circumstances with education debt, job security, marriage failures, pregnancy and motherhood.

I’m tired of the comparison trap. I don’t subscribe to shopping emails or newsletters. I loathe the social media ads. I don’t care about the blogger or influencer recommendations as much as I used to. I see the hot trends that everyone “has to have” and I just don’t really need any of it. I am more confident in myself and my style and personal needs. I actually really hate shopping.

When you do not know who you are, you push all enlightenment off into a possible future reward and punishment system, within which hardly anyone wins.

Richard Rohr, Falling Upward

I do long for more than this mediocre suburban life and maybe I will find it someday.

I do get depressed by events happening in the world and by mean people who only care about themselves.

I’ve streamlined and minimized our life. I am prioritizing rest.

We homeschool based on interests and annual rhythms. I refuse to rush or stress over things I can’t control.

I’m excited by what the next few decades may bring.

I don’t have all the answers and I usually don’t even know what the questions are.

And that’s ok.

As we move into the second half of life, however, we are very often at odds with our natural family and the “dominant consciousness” of our cultures.

Richard Rohr, Falling Upward

Resources:

What does confidence mean to you?

Linking up: Pinch of Joy, Eclectic Red Barn, House on Silverado, LouLou Girls, Keeping it Real, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Mostly Blogging, Create with Joy, Pieced Pastimes, Stroll Through Life, OMHG, Jenerally Informed, Shelbee on Edge, InstaEncouragements, Suburbia, Soaring with Him, Ridge Haven, Ducks in a Row, Ginger Snap, Girlish Whims, Anchored Abode, Fluster Buster, Thistle Key Lane, Jeanne Takenaka, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Debbie Kittmerman, Slices of Life, Imparting Grace, Penny’s Passion, Hubbard Home, Modern Monticello, Simply Beautiful, Being a Wordsmith, Simply Sweet Home, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Embracing Unexpected, CWJ, Fiesta Friday, Shabby Art, Cottage Market, Pam’s Party, Grammy’s Grid,

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Prioritizing Rest

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This last year or so has highlighted so much that is wrong about our individualist society. I grew up with the message that I should work more, harder…push…bigger, better, faster, more. Even to the point of collapse. Mental health be damned. Just push through physical exhaustion or illness. The prosperity gospel perpetuates this mindset – just fake it ’til you make it. It’s dangerous and wrong.

We have witnessed some privileged rich and famous people taking breaks and stepping away from the limelight to protect themselves and set boundaries. It’s a great thing to see them modeling health for the rest of us, but if we as a society cannot allow for rest, it just spotlights the problems even more. We pride ourselves on our self-reliance and grit to our detriment.

Naysayers (and even I at times) wonder at what point do we push on with courage in the face of fear and adversity or just quit? When do we know what to do? Most of us don’t have that luxury – paid time off, savings for vacations, help with responsibilities.

How many people feel trapped by their circumstances and cannot or refuse to rest or quit? We see so much depression, anxiety, disordered eating, and more. What will it take to wake up and make systemic changes?

We live in a rat race society. I refuse to succumb to the hustle.

We have had seasons of rushing and I didn’t like it. We tried to fit in and do all the things – signing our kids up for every activity, volunteering for everything at church, doing, going, hurrying. I didn’t feel safe or content and I think our health suffered with the added stress.

I had to learn how to say no. And NO. is a complete sentence. I had to learn how to discern what we should and could do with our time, protecting our rest, limiting ourselves to what felt safe and sure.

Thankfully, we are in a season we are able to get enough sleep and rest. I don’t have to stay busy all the time.

My youngest is eleven. I remember the days when he was a baby and toddler and seemed never to sleep. I don’t really miss those times. I love having big kids and teens.

How we rest

I wake up naturally most mornings. I don’t like alarms. I don’t like to be rushed. I don’t think success is waking up before dawn, unless that’s natural and normal for someone. I don’t function well in the early morning.

I don’t make appointments for mornings if I can help it.

During summer, my kids each choose a camp realizing they have to plan to go to bed and wake up earlier to get ready.

Every morning, I refill the bird feeders and I sit on my deck with my tea and our two cats, watching the birds and damselflies. I inspect my garden for new blooms and ripe tomatoes. I love birds and gardening.

I make a hot breakfast for my three kids who live at home every weekday morning. My husband has weekend duty.

Most months, the kids and I do read alouds after breakfast.

The kids usually watch Netflix with their lunch of leftovers or homemade ramen.

Afternoons are usually carefree and easy. The kids work on science, history writing, arts and crafts, hiking and exploring, bug watching, reading, baking. I read or clean or run errands. We sometimes go to the library or a park. I try to schedule appointments in the afternoons – dentist, orthodontist, therapy, doctor, vision. My kids are now old enough that they can stay home alone for a couple hours so I can go by myself to my own appointments or just take the one child to their appointment. I don’t like rushing, so I leave with plenty of time to arrive safely without feeling anxious.

The kids have classes a few evenings a week. One does aerial gymnastics twice a week. One has art classes and ice skating. One plays elite baseball.

We try to have dinner together every night. Occasionally, we eat while watching a TV show and Fridays are usually homemade pizza and movie nights. Some nights are difficult to plan, with art, gymnastics, if my son has a baseball game or practice. I don’t like rushed meals. I don’t like having two dinnertimes. We try to have an early dinner (preferable) or a later dinner to accommodate these evenings. Often, on nights we don’t have activities, we go for a walk after dinner or play cards or board games.

While the kids don’t have a specific bedtime, I encourage winding down and getting in bed by about ten at night. I know this is when our bodies are ready for sleep. I feel the natural melatonin kicking in and my body temp lowers and I get sleepy. I teach my kids to listen to their bodies. We try to limit devices and screens before bed, plugging them in outside bedrooms, and turn off the WIFI at bedtime. We prioritize sleep so our kids grow well and perform at their best.

We worked hard to get here, to this place of peace and rest.

9 Types of Rest

  1. time away
  2. permission to not be helpful
  3. something ‘“unproductive”
  4. connection to art and nature
  5. solitude to recharge
  6. a break from responsibility
  7. stillness to decompress
  8. safe space
  9. alone time at home

Resting is doing.

I am not about that capitalist grind. I don’t have a home business. I am not that boss mom or whatever. I realize how incredibly privileged I am to stay home as a mom and teacher. We have worked hard to get to this place.

I am introverted and highly sensitive. I don’t enjoy being busy. I don’t enjoy crowds or excessive noise.

I protect my kids’ time and childhood. We don’t overschedule. I want them to have lots of time to play instead of every moment of their day filled with programs.

I refuse to push my kids with their academics or make them hate their passions and hobbies by attempting entrepreneurship. They have freedom in our homeschool to explore and go at their own pace. They choose to take classes for art or sports or new activities with spaces and tools we don’t have in our home. We are in a place where my young teens can choose to do volunteer work for experience if they desire – since they legally cannot work yet. I don’t think that older teens or young adults should waste their time with unpaid work. Their time is valuable too and they should be paid for work.

My son chooses to do elite baseball and while I am so proud of him and his growth with the sport, I am not thrilled with missed or delayed meals or rushing to pack healthy portable snacks for games in the middle of breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I have stressed about games far from home and how my son will eat if there isn’t a grocery store nearby for me to acquire healthy choices. We observe with dismay the families who choose to eat greasy fast food during game breaks and then their boys play poorly and sluggishly. There are times when my husband has to take our son to practices or games and I have to take another of our children to a class or appointment. I can’t be everywhere at once.

My middle kids are in high school and I refuse to stress them out with tests, driving lessons, college prep, part time jobs, or volunteering. I offer them opportunities so they can make choices. I coach and guide and answer questions. I do so much research. I am constantly telling my kids to protect their time. I teach them to say no and manage their schedules wisely. There will be time enough for them to stress later. I don’t want to add any anxiety.

My eldest is on her own and I am sad for her hustle to survive and trying to be healthy and happy. Good paying jobs with a healthy work environment are scarce and having a certificate or college degree is no guarantee of insurance, competitive pay, or decent treatment.

I limit my interaction and time on social media. I encourage my kids to be careful online and protect their time. I am impressed that they can and do often walk away often to pursue other interests.

I love that my kids still like exploring and hiking in the woods, playing in the creek, biking, roller blading, skateboarding. They’re often the only kids I ever see outside. They ask to play cards or board games after dinner. They play Legos and Wii and Switch together if the weather is too much.

Fitness and exercise seems even to be stressful for many people. I refuse to overwork myself. I love programs that are short and intense and I do see results. Every evening after dinner, I walk about 45 minutes around this little pond park about a half mile from our house. It’s peaceful and I enjoy seeing the waterfowl, bunnies, sometimes deer or horned owls, even a coyote.

I take a bubble bath with Epsom salts every night before bed. I have chamomile tea and read or watch a show. This is my alone time and I protect it.

I still read a story to my son every night at bedtime. Then I usually read an eBook until I can’t see the words anymore and fall asleep. Screens before bed aren’t recommended. I turn off the blue light with settings and I haven’t noticed any problems.

How prioritizing rest helps:

  • Better digestion
  • Better nighttime sleep
  • General contentedness
  • Less stress
  • Time for exercise
  • Peace
  • Less forgetfulness
  • Less anxiety
  • Less clutter
  • Deeper relationships
  • Time for spontaneity
  • Creativity
  • Better immunity

It’s important we model rest for our children so they have better health. We don’t have to hustle like everyone else.

Resources:

How do you prioritize rest?

Linking up: Grammy’s Grid, Pinch of Joy, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Mostly Blogging, Suburbia, House on Silverado, Stroll Thru Life, LouLou Girls, InstaEncouragements, Shelbee on the Edge, Jenerally Informed, OMHG, Blue Sky at Home, Anchored Abode, Life Abundant, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Ridge Haven Homestead, Girlish Whims, Ducks in a Row, Penny’s Passion, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Debbie Kitterman, Slices of Life, Embracing Unexpected, Modern Monticello, Fiesta Friday, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Hubbard Home, CWJ, Create with Joy, Being a Wordsmith, Pieced Pastimes, Pam’s Party, Simply Sweet Home

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Our Curriculum for 2021-2022

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Whew, it has been a year, y’all.

We spent most of last year isolated and anxious. While our actual lifestyle didn’t much change, just the knowledge that we couldn’t and shouldn’t go out was hard at times.

We’re looking forward to a better year now that we’re vaccinated.

I’ve been homeschooling my four kids for about seventeen years now. My younger three have never attended school.

My eldest attended day care, preschool, and one month of third grade at a DoD school. She’s on her own now, working full-time and living in her own apartment.

We learn year-round and love having freedom to learn when and how and what we want. We love being able to take breaks for field trips, extended travel just for fun or educational purposes, sun days, snow days, movie days, game days, park days.

Most of the anxiety I had in the beginning years has faded away and I am mostly in awe of my kids’ abilities and interests. I learn so much from watching and learning with them.

I highly recommend the books by Louise Bates Ames. A good guide to follow are the What Your ?-Grader Needs to Know by E.D. Hirsch, Jr. His books have some problems, but it’s a great jumping off point.

We had somewhat of a break this summer, just continuing with math and science since we take those slower than other works. The middle kids each did a week of art camp – film photography and ceramics – and my third child did another two weeks of an art workshop they won on scholarship! My son did a week of baseball camp at a local university.

We often celebrate the end of summer and beginning autumn and a new school year with not back to school activities.

7th Grade

My youngest is working on 7th grade material this school year.

10th Grade

This was my favorite grade and age to teach when I taught public school.

My two middle kids are well into high school now. I’m keeping track of their credits in a transcript for their future needs. Our high school goals are four full year credits of English, math, science, social studies, with two full year credits of foreign language, and multiple electives for creative arts and physical activity.

Some electives the middle kids are pursuing in addition to sports are cooking/baking, creative writing, drawing/animation, arts and crafts, jewelry making.

Ohio doesn’t allow students to work until age 15, and my middle kids are already looking forward to their first part time job later this year – maybe at our Dairy Queen around the corner or a locally owned shop or volunteering with the Red Cross. My second child already volunteered over the summer with an invention camp and works once a week as a coach assistant with aerial gymnastics. She should start getting paid for coaching soon!

It’s exciting thinking about the kids learning to drive. My eldest waiting until she was eighteen and we didn’t push her. We signed Tori up for the required Ohio classroom drivers’ education. She will then take the state test for a learners permit and take the road driving classes before getting her full license next spring!

Together

We still do lots of morning read alouds together for Bible, church history, natural history, world and American history, and lots of multicultural literature.

We are working on Year 2 in our history cycle. I love, love, love year 2 and I cannot wait to dive deep into the literature this year.

Our main text this year is The History of the Medieval World: From the Conversion of Constantine to the First Crusade  by Susan Wise Bauer. I just purchased the Study and Teaching Guide: The History of the Medieval World: A curriculum guide to accompany The History of the Medieval World by Julia Kaziewicz. My middle kids are completing the critical thinking questions for each chapter.

See how we do history. Our main curriculum Tapestry of Grace (and the way I supplement it each year) covers all the humanities – history, literature, art, music, philosophy, government.

My kids are very active with skating/roller blading, cycling, hiking, walking, playing the Wii and Switch, in addition to their classes and sports.

This last school year looked very different for some kids and families with online school, hybrid, or new homeschoolers. We have an opportunity to examine what worked and what needs improvement in our education systems.

You might also like to see our other homeschool years:

Recommendations:

How is this school year looking for your family?

Linking up: Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Mostly Blogging, Create with Joy, Suburbia, Random Musings, InstaEncouragements, Anchored Abode, Soaring with Him, Ridge Haven, Ducks in a Row, Girlish Whims, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Artful Mom, Try it Like it, Debbie Kitterman, Slices of Life, Imparting Grace, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, CWJ, OMHG, Grammy’s Grid, Simply Sweet Home, Bloggers Lifestyle, Building our Hive, Jenerally informed, LouLou Girls,

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Reasons For Adolescent Disorder Patterns

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“I am afraid that my son is a teenager: who will he relate to? Will he fall into drugs? ” These are some questions felt, silenced, spoken, and heard from friends. They are even reasons for consultation of parents with anticipatory anguish in relation to the character or social behavior of their adolescent children. This is especially true when they become a reason for consultation due to behavioral problems, drugs, aggressiveness, school dropouts, and even dysfunctional behaviors at home. Help is usually requested, and the emotional manifestations they experience are varied: from anger, concern to fear. There is even a kind of hidden or obvious guilt as an expression of their anguish.

Where are the roots of the problem?

Guilt as a mode of complaint becomes a kind of posture that favors family paralysis, twisting in the excuse of the suffering and lament itself. In young people and adolescents, many times we find ourselves before the quiet voice of obstacles: “my mother is afraid”; “My parents are to blame”, ins and outs where our children escape and allow their unhealthy behaviors –which are also reinforced. Where are the roots of the problem? It comes in the shared responsibility of the values ​​that we transmit and the responsibility of our children to read reality in many ways other than our good intentions. Many times, we have said or heard the phrases like: “We are not born with a parenting manual under our arm” or that “we do our best.”

What do the experts say?

Ideally, when you are young, your parents and teachers know enough about emotions to help you navigate them. There has been a great failure of society: we have left parents very helpless, we forced them to get little degrees for everything except to have children and to understand how they function emotionally. In clinical observation, we do not find the ideal. It is inevitable to find varied profiles of families that repeat themselves accompanying their children who suffer from an emotional disorder or who take drugs. There are patterns of family behavior that are NOT conducive to education. It is important to clarify that when we refer to harmful styles; it is about what stands out unipolarly, accentuates, or abounds as the form of relationship between parents and their children. Here is the big difference between: “I want the best for my children” and “I want my son to be the best.”

The Nuances

This educational style has several nuances, although it basically refers to those parents who plan their children and their future from their own expectations “that they are the best.” It is a selfish, limited position on the needs of your children. Many times, the kids are subjected to an overload in studies, languages, reinforcements, and parents have little communication with them, little time to be interested in their tastes, interests, feelings, to share their free time in a relaxed way. There tend to be highly demanding and authoritarian family environments where the lack of specific competence is underestimated, while the non-expression of weaknesses, disabilities, or limitations is promoted. 

Natural Affection

Even, and this is the most harmful of all, children can read and/or interpret that to win the love of their parents, clouded by the cold demand, they have to be as their parents wish. However, this can be a long-term, stressful, tense, and chronically dissatisfied long-distance race because love has nothing to do with being the best. It’s never been like that. We don’t need to be the best. Instead, we need to be loved without condition, simply because of who we are. This style ends up undermining the purpose of natural affection, necessary while human affection is developing.

Conclusion

In short, future reflections come from the contemplation of human suffering, not from the symptoms. As parents, you will continue to share this type of pattern that influences family dynamics. There are patterns that become classic about the maintenance of a sick family system: “be the best, do not make mistakes, do not speak, do not feel, do not trust, do not lose control and do not seek help outside”. It does not have to be like that. If it is, then the whole family needs therapy and counseling. 

Helpful Resources

Sunrise House Treatment Center

OASAS Addiction Treatment Center

Serenity At Summit

Banyan Treatment Centers

MSN News

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What if kids ask to go to school?

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We have four children and my younger three have been completely homeschooled. My eldest attended day care as a baby and toddler and private Christian 4K before we began homeschooling, then one month of DOD 3rd grade.

We have adapted and evolved as homeschoolers over the years, meeting the needs and desires of our kids with their changing interests as we moved every two to four years with the military. It’s been a lot.

As proactive as I try to be, anticipating issues that may arise, it didn’t really occur to me to have a plan or speech prepared if or when my kids asked to go to school. I mean, don’t lots of kids who attend public or private school ask to stay home all the time for various reasons? And those parents probably just laugh and tell their kids to hurry up or they’ll miss their bus. There isn’t even a discussion because school is mainstream and expected. Most families send their kids to school.

We try to have discussions rather than shut down questions, but sometimes it’s very hard to articulate if I don’t have preparation. I’ve said many things I regret and made egregious mistakes while parenting. I’m so glad we homeschooled and I would do it all again, with more confidence.

What if kids ask to go to school?

Here’s how we responded to our kids when they asked to attend public school.

Our eldest wanted to attend the DOD high school in Germany when she was about fifteen. We had a hard time during those teen years. Everything was a battle. I tried to reason with her. We had different educational values than other families. We had so much freedom and traveled and learned what and how we wanted. The school schedule wouldn’t allow any freedom or absences or tardiness. I reminded her how miserable she was in that month of third grade, how bored she was in preK. She just dug in her heels and did everything to thwart our final homeschooling years.

We were a bit isolated in our small German village, but used our free schedule to travel regularly around Europe and took plenty of day trips. She participated with a small drama theater on base and we did activities with the homeschool group. Her good friend attended the school; they would most likely have been a year apart and rarely seen each other during the school day, but that didn’t matter to my daughter. We had almost completed my homeschool agenda of academics at the time she wanted to attend school. She would have been repeating courses or wasting time. We discussed unfair dress codes and how she would have to remove her piercings and keep her hair natural colored, but she said she was actually ok with that, but she won’t do it at a job now. I also worried she wouldn’t take it seriously and drop back out at the first struggle or get into trouble at the school. We had a horrible experience during a middle school math week in Utah and I really didn’t want to give a public school any power over my child.

To me, it felt like she just needed to fit in and be mainstream. She felt she was missing out. She thought she would get to socialize and make more friends. She wanted to experience the milestones and social aspects of school – dances, clubs, graduation, prom. She did attend some dances in Germany and in Ohio when we moved back to the States. She even flew to Canada to attend prom with friends.

When we moved to Ohio, she started college early and worked part time and complained how ignorant her classmates were. She felt left out and overeducated and more grown up and independent than her peers.

My eldest is now twenty, almost 21, and still regrets she didn’t go to school. She feels like an outcast when her friends reminisce about school and she doesn’t know what their words and phrases mean so she can’t join in their conversations. She doesn’t feel special, but overeducated. She quit college and is working full time and moved out last November. She has said that homeschooling ruined her life. I feel awful. And there’s no way I can make amends or fix this.

While there are many, many things I wish I had done differently as a parent and teacher, homeschooling is still our choice as a family.

It’s hard when school is the expectation of society. People ask my kids, “What grade are you in? Where do you go to school?” and it becomes embarrassing sometimes. It seems more acceptable to homeschool after this last year, but it’s still odd and different. I realize we are in a unique circumstance in our ability for me to stay home to teach our kids. The pandemic certainly highlighted many issues with our society, education being an important one.

Our third child asked to attend school after we had lived in Ohio a few years. It felt like the same issues all over again. I was a little more prepared this time around to field the questions and manage the discussion. We affirmed them about their feelings. We expressed our family and educational values. We explained why we homeschool and why we don’t choose school. I further reiterated our freedoms with our schedule and curriculum. We discussed bullying, teacher control, discriminatory curriculum, gun violence, 20 minute lunch periods, public school timeline, overcrowdedness, lack of funding, unfair dress codes. We expressed concerns about how schools don’t protect or respect LGBTQ+ kids. They would probably have to keep their hair natural colored. I am very concerned about school violence and we really focused on those issues that have increased the last few years. They are more social than my other two kids at home, but school isn’t really conducive to socializing. School looks glamorous and fun on TV and in movies, but that’s certainly not reality.

Then the pandemic hit and I felt like I could breathe a sigh of relief because no one attended school for months. Our lifestyle didn’t change that much. While we couldn’t go out and that felt suffocating at times, we didn’t have to vastly adapt like school families did.

We have a hard time finding like-minded friends for myself and the kids. I refuse to compromise my values or put myself and my kids in a potentially dangerous social situation with families who express gun rights, white supremacy, capitalism, and homophobia.

It’s frustrating that many parents don’t allow their children to be active online. During the pandemic, my kids would have and could have developed some online friendships but many parents refuse their kids access to social media like Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, TikTok, Discord. I understand their hesitancy, but it makes it harder on teens who want friends.

We are now (possibly) over that hump. I think my kids are more on board now about homeschooling. We are striving to give our kids opportunities and experiences that wouldn’t be possible if they attended school. We’ve gotten back into our extra-curricular classes like art, aerial gymnastics, and baseball. Their neighborhood friend is coming back around and they just picked up where they left off. We aren’t so depressed and isolated like we were all last year.

As more people get vaccinated, there will be safer field trips, outings, get-togethers, park days.

My middle two kids attended an art camp for a week this month and were so exhausted getting up early and being out all day every day. I can’t imagine what it would be like if my kids were gone all day every day.

My youngest, our son, has no desire to attend school or co-op or homeschool activities.

Those who are raised with rules and parental control may blame their parents when their lives go off the rails because they had little sense of agency or responsibility as children. They believe children require external domination.

Iris Chen

Each child is different with different social needs.

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Linking up: Create with Joy, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Eclectic Red Barn, Jeanne Takenaka, LouLou Girls, InstaEncouragements, Suburbia, Ginger Snap, Fluster Buster, OMHG, Grammy’s Grid, Girlish Whims, Ducks in a Row, Anchored Abode, Soaring with Him, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, Slices of Life, Imparting Grace, CWJ, Simply Sweet Home, Answer is Choco, Being a Wordsmith, Mostly Blogging,

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KnowSeafood Review

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Since we live in Dayton, Ohio, and have a hard time finding affordable, fresh, good quality seafood, I’ve been looking for shortcuts to get good quality fish to eat. I want to add more seafood to our diet, and I want the best quality but it does get expensive.

There are a couple fish markets, a couple local grocery stores with pricey fresh seafood, and Jungle Jim’s about an hour away that have good fresh seafood selections and we use those on special occasions. But I still want other options.

KnowSeafood is a lovely delivery option. I have tried other services, but the variety just isn’t there.

Each seafood serving arrived flash frozen with dry ice and regular ice. All the packing material is recyclable and very little plastic and no styrofoam!

I love the sustainability practices and that I know exactly where my fish and seafood came from.

I chose a curated box for variety for our first order. The a la carte option is exciting too!

I like that I don’t have to have a monthly subscription to KnowSeafood. I can pick and choose or order a curated box whenever I want.

Shrimp, Norwegian salmon, rainbow trout, bay scallops, lobster tail, tuna poke, and wild haddock.

The shrimp weren’t all that exciting, but they were better than what we’ve been buying at our local grocery store. They were better next time when I brined them and better still the third time when I marinated them.

We marinated haddock with Greek herbs and olive oil and grilled on a cedar plank. I skewered veggies separate and grilled garlic shrimp.

I like the flavor of haddock with light herbs and oil. It’s very versatile. My son even liked it so we will order more next time.

The salmon was perfect portions! I did a mustard glaze and baked in the oven.

Back for more haddock! I baked it in the oven for tacos and that was truly amazing! I made mango pineapple salsa and I could’ve eaten lots more.

We do a monthly subscription to wine with Firstleaf and I love that and the specials with free shipping on orders of twelve bottles. Wine pairs well with seafood (and everything)! We also want good wine at good prices. We miss Europe where it seemed easier to find fresh food and good wine.

Growing up, seafood was for vacations, holidays, and only dining out. It was expensive and my mom didn’t know how to cook it really. We often have no special occasions other than any regular day for seafood and wine. We make lots of delicious food every day of the week, depending on our schedule. Seafood only takes minutes to prep and cook!

We made scallops and lobster tails for Memorial Day.

I grilled the trout with veggies for myself and my daughter.

I just made a mild teriyaki tuna avocado poke and it was a hit!

One of our favorites is this grilled branzino with olives!

I made a healthier grilled version of furikaki mahi mahi and it was amazing!

I used a recipe on the website to make oven-fried fish and chips and it was a hit with the whole family!

Their Facebook group for KnowBuddies offers lots of fun recipes and great ideas to inspire us. We’re eating more seafood and feeling healthier and more energetic. We have fresher options for variety that I don’t often find in our grocery store.

I’m on a waiting list to order mahi mahi when it’s in stock.

KnowSeafood gets in a variety and updates their site often. I like the curated boxes and I can add onto those or make my own order. No monthly subscriptions required! They often have BOGO and deals they post online on their site and on social media.

We just ordered the grill box and I can’t wait to try it!

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Tending Our Garden

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We have had so many gardens over the years.

We have moved six times during our marriage. It does put a lot of stress on a family to start over so many times.

We tried to grow at every home where we ever lived. Some gardens were tiny and some were spacious. Some struggled and some thrived.

I like to think of our gardens as symbolic of our family – when we struggled and when we thrived in our relationships with each other.

Like gardens, relationships need the right conditions. There were bad weather and seasons, rocky or sandy soil. When we spent time, effort, and money on the gardens and our lives, we all grew.

My first little house that I bought myself in Georgia, I had begun to grow roses and flowers and some herbs.

I had to go through boxes of photographs since this is before digital cameras. Ah, the memories!

I loved birds even then and had feeders at the window. I was sad to have to sell this house and if I could go back, I would keep it and rent it out.

Our first little herb garden at our first rental home as a small blended family, in San Antonio, after we PCSed the very first time. We later grew some veggies for the first time. It was fun for our first homeschool year.

When we PCSed to Hawaii for three years, we lived on base and were not allowed to have a garden or change the landscape. We still grew and discovered what and who we wanted to be. We were surrounded by lush green and flowers and we enjoyed it all.

Our largest garden at our rental house in Utah where we grew lots of veggies and had a grape vine along the fence.

The whole family really worked hard in Utah on our garden. We enjoyed having fresh food that we grew ourselves. The kids would be so excited to help and harvest. We preserved, canned, and dried since we produced so much. We lived there four years and were just getting comfortable when we had to move again.

We used containers to grow herbs and veggies with our teeny tiny back yard in Germany. Even with the gorgeous food surrounding us in Europe and a fun little market right at our doorstep, we still yearned to grow our own.

Our baby garden when we rented our current house, that we just bought a year ago. We just had peas and lettuces and green beans. The radishes and carrots didn’t quite take. And I always have herbs.

We just celebrated our house-iversary. We bought our home one year ago!

It’s not perfect, but in many ways, it’s the best we’ve ever had and could ever hope for. While I always wanted more than mediocre suburbia for my kids, we have settled here for reasons. Sometimes, we dream of a hobby farm, but it’s just not feasible and I don’t see it ever happening.

The first thing we did after we signed the mortgage papers, was to have all the walnut trees cut down. It opened up our backyard and we don’t have to wear hard hats on the deck or worry about being pummeled by baseball-sized walnuts anymore.

We conditioned the soil and planned a little victory garden. We just planted early veggies – peas, lettuces, onions, potatoes, carrots, radishes, asparagus. We have spots ready to plant tomatoes, green beans, cucumbers, squash when it’s warmer. We also planted two raspberry bushes.

While most of these plants will be ready to harvest in a month or so, the asparagus won’t be ready for about three years. It takes patience and planning.

We’ve never been settled in a place long enough to plan that far ahead.

It’s so exciting to finally realize this is all ours and we can update or change anything. I have to take a deep breath and let it all sink in.

I love planning and planting flowers. My herb garden is thriving. I’m a member of a local online gardening group that is just lovely. I just started my rose garden and I can’t wait to see the blooms!

When we had unexpected snow the end of April, it was disappointing, but we came together to cover the tender young plants against freezing. We prayed and hoped they wouldn’t wither or wilt and will be hardier for their shock of the frost. Just as we hope to weather storms and survive to thrive the hard times in our lives and we sure have had our share of tough times.

I’m transplanting bushes that need more sun and pruning and shaping plants that may have never had that done to them before. We’re fertilizing and adding soil and mulch for nutrients and weed cover.

We make amends and do more of what works and less of what doesn’t – in our relationships and with our plants. We’re constantly learning and growing.

Linking up: Create with Joy, Mostly Blogging, April Harris, Anita Ojeda, Eclectic Red Barn, Jeanne Takenaka, InstaEncouragements, Ducks in a Row, OMHG, Grammy’s Grid, Ginger Snap, Fluster Buster, Girlish Whims, Ridge Haven, Soaring with Him, Anchored Abode, Suburbia, Penny’s Passion, Crystal Storms, Slices of Life, Imparting Grace, Debbie Kitterman, Katherine’s Corner, Grandma’s Ideas, LouLou Girls, Our Three Peas, Try it Like it, Wordsmith, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Simply Sweet Home, Embracing Unexpected, Lyli Dunbar, CWJ, Random Musings,

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Mountain Rose Herbs Essential Oils Review

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Our family has been into essential oils for about ten years or so.

We’ve tried many different companies and of course we love some products more than others.

I am a certified aromatherapist from Pacific Institute of Aromatherapy. Many think this is a scam, but I am also educating myself for over a decade from many different resources. I don’t want my family to get hurt or sick from misusing essential oils, herbs, or supplements.

I have long loved Mountain Rose Herbs for…herbs.

And now they offer essential oils too!

Mountain Rose Herbs Essential Oils are some of the best!

I LOVE the packaging. No excess. Recyclable. Yay!

From their site:

Our product packaging is designed to protect the high-quality botanicals inside. We use a variety of materials including glass, plastic, multi-layer bags, recyclable tin, and boxes to keep the botanical goodness inside fresh. In addition, we pride ourselves on making sure we use green materials to package and pad our boxes to ensure your order arrives safe and sound.

Quality

Essential oils are distilled from plant materials – flowers, fruits, leaves, bark, wood, roots. The timing or ripeness of the plant parts is necessary to achieve the best quality of distilled oils.

These essential oils smell fresh and clean to me, with no underlying chemical scents. I am very pleased.

The Eucalyptus globulus is good for respiratory function and as an insect repellent. It is antimicrobial and antiseptic. There are 900 species and subspecies of eucalyptus – with the most common oils using globulus, radiata, or bicostata/blue globulus. Globulus is the most potent. Be cautious using around children and never use around pets, especially cats. I limit diffuser use and heavily dilute for use.

Lavender is the entryway oil. It is generally the safest around kids and pets. I use it liberally, still diluted on our family and cats for many different reasons – cuts and scrapes and respiratory function. It smells great diffused alone or with a blend. It is lovely in personal care products and tea and recipes.

Peppermint is generally safe topically while heavily diluted. I don’t diffuse this since it can be rather irritating to sensitive mucous membranes. I have used a drop of this diluted oil to reduce heat-related illness in hot outdoor summer temperatures and to lessen the sting of sunburn used with diluted lavender. The essential oil is way stronger than fresh or dried leaves but can still be used in recipes and salves if used very cautiously.

Sweet Orange or Citrus sinensis is absolutely delightful and cheerful. My son has always loved the scent of orange. It’s antimicrobial and uplifts our moods. This is just like the sweet oranges we love to eat. The peels are cold-pressed using pressure to release their oil and scent from the rinds. We love to diffuse this in a blend. It’s great in a household cleaner. Dilute well if applying topically since all citrus products can be photosensitive.

Tea tree or melaleuca alternifolia is a type of myrtle and is anti-fungal, antibacterial, antiseptic, and good for respiratory function. Some types of acne react well to diluted application. This oil should never be ingested or used around pets, especially cats. I generally do not diffuse this oil and heavily dilute.

From the website:

We strive to sell organic products whenever possible. If a product is not organic, it is cultivated without chemicals, or wild harvested. Our 10 full-time lab staffers are constantly testing our ingredients to ensure they meet our strict specifications and are free from adulterants and contamination, including pesticides. You may always request a certificate of analysis, organic certificate, and kosher certificate. Please see our certifications page for more details on the additional documents we can provide for you.

The Classic Essential Oil Kit is a great starter kit for new oilers or veteran oilers. These oils are always in our family toolkit. There are several essential oil kits to choose from.

Do you want your very own essential oil kit?

  1. Code: EOKit15 – Visit this exclusive link!
  2. Offer: 15% off all of our essential oil kits. (Excludes any already discounted products or further discounts on wholesale accounts- Valid for online purchases only).
  3. Expiration: May 31, 2021, at 11:59 PM, PST.

At this time, Mountain Rose Herbs is only processing and shipping orders with billing and final destination shipping addresses located in the United States and Canada.

Maybe you’ve seen certain essential oil and natural products for sale on retail sites?

Statement on third-party sales from Mountain Rose Herbs:

In order to guarantee the quality of our products and keep our prices low, we never sell on internet marketplaces such as Amazon, Walmart, or eBay. If you see our products listed on those marketplaces, they are being sold by a third party, and we have no way of guaranteeing their quality. Please note that products bought from third parties must be returned through those channels and are not returnable to us.

Read the story of the company here.

I am very much enjoying the online group Sustainable Living with Mountain Rose Herbs.

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ECOlunchboxes Review

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We love trying new products that help our family in our journey to be more sustainable.

ECOlunchboxes are great traveling companions when we go hiking and exploring outdoors.

Plastic-free, stainless steel lunch boxes and cotton bags.

I can fill these bowls with fun colorful healthy goodies and we can share a salad and dip on a picnic wherever we go.

We have an extensive wood and creek in our backyard and often go to look at wildflowers and hunt mushrooms and herbs.

The kids love to play in the creek and look at crawdads.

It’s such a blessing to know that while we enjoy nature, we can care for our Earth with reusable products instead of landfilling disposable products. It takes a little more thought to grab cloth napkins and real utensils with containers that have to be washed instead of items that are just thrown away.

I love that my kids are excited to help us do these things to protect our environment.

I love the versatility of these reusable bento bowls. We can use these bowls for snacks, salads, or anything and they’re leak-proof!

The stainless bowls and silicone lids are dishwasher and oven safe! Not for use in the microwave!

Plastic-free and leak-proof, the Salad Kit is a three-piece container set ideal for packing a variety of foods and keeping them separate.

  • Seal Cup Jumbo, measuring 7 inches diameter by 3 inches tall. Capacity is 48 oz (6 cups). Great for the salad!
  • Seal Cup Mini, measuring 2 5/8 inches round by 1 1/2 inches tall. Capacity is 3 oz (1/3 cup). Ideal for dressings.
  • Seal Cup Solo, measuring 3 1/2 inches round by 1 3/4 inches tall. Capacity 7 oz (7/8 cup). Ideal for croutons, nuts and other toppings best kept separate prior to tossing your salad.

All Blue Water Bento collection lunch containers are designed FOR the ocean and  BY the ocean. It’s the beauty of our oceans that has inspired all our lunchbox designs. Sneak a peek at the behind-the-scenes design process.

Green Gifts from ECOlunchbox

My kids are very concerned about making better choices for our leftover storage and picnic supplies. We are trying to limit or even eliminate our waste and do better not using single use plastics.

We have a whole wish list for ECOlunchboxes now, so everyone can have their own containers for lunches and snacks.

Go Green Gifts for Mother's Day

Please join the ECOlunchbox eco-friendly communities on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

What changes can we make to limit waste?

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