Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Foodie Gift Guide

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My family and I love to cook and eat and cool gadgets often make our lives easier. Here are some fun gifts for people who love spending time in the kitchen or around the dining table.

We have certain kitchen essentials and have/had some fun cooking tools for our kids when they were little.

We don’t really care for many unitaskers or any multicookers. I actually enjoy cooking and my counters are already cluttered enough. I want good quality tools that are functional and beautiful that will last a long time.

We love good food and good wine. Dinner each evening is a feast.

Gift Guide for Foodies

Pepper Mill

I love this pepper mill because it’s easy to turn and refill. It gives lovely coarse grinds.

Whipped Cream Dispenser

We love, love, love this whipped cream dispenser, especially during holiday dessert season! I love making my own whipped cream with natural ingredients and flavors.

Kitchen Torch

I never thought I would like, use, or need a torch in the kitchen, but it comes in handy for more than just  crème brûlée!

Milk Frother

I have a microwave frother but I also love my electric frother and battery frother. We can use the flavored Silk almond creams or regular whole milk, cream, or half and half.

Dehydrator

It comes in handy to dehydrate foods when we garden and can’t eat everything right away. Also fun to make homemade fruit rollups or gummy snacks from fresh fruit! Loads of uses.

Food Sealer

We like our Food Saver, but we may get this Zwilling system. We like to marinate meats with no spilling. I often separate bulk buys into servings for our deep freezer. I need to remember to label everything!

Wine Opener

There are some fancy and expensive wine openers out there, but this is still my favorite wine opener! The electric ones worry me and my husband loves his waiter’s corkscrew from Laguiole from our last trip to Paris. This is easy to use and doesn’t hurt my hands or break the corks.

Wine aerator

We like aerating our red wines and the more complex white wines either directly into glasses or into a decanter for better and fuller flavor. This wine aerator is simple to use and easy to clean.

Decanter

We love our glass decanters to air our red wines and make pouring without spilling easier. And they’re pretty on the table!

Vacuum bottle sealer

We don’t often have leftover wine or soda, but these vacuum pump sealers work wonders to save it fresh. They can then last up to a week!

Wine Storage

We have a simple wine rack in our basement where the temperature is always cool. I also like this wine cabinet for our dining room. We have two!

Wine Books

Wine and cocktail books are great for learning about how to pair wine with food or discovering what you love!

Also, fun cookbooks are great gifts!

Specialty Glassware

I bought an engraved whisky glass for my husband last year and he loves it!

Fun wine glasses with cute sayings or insulated/unbreakable cups for picnics or backyard entertaining are popular.

Food gifts or subscriptions

I am always excited to receive a bottle of whisky or wine.

Cheese or salami is always welcome!

I love gourmet chocolate with fancy unique ingredients. My favorite is saffron!

One year, my husband game me an olive oil of the month subscription.

We’re excited to see fun food Advent calendars in our local grocery stores – cheese, wine, beer. These make great gifts or fun to try new flavors.

Wine

Firstleaf wine gifts are versatile and they can customize which wines they prefer – sweet or dry, sparkling, white, rosé, or red.

My husband and I gave ourselves a Firstleaf subscription last year. It’s been a fun adventure!

Seafood

KnowSeafood gifts or subscription for the seafood lovers! We live in Dayton, Ohio, and finding good affordable fresh seafood is difficult. We love, love, love the selection and quality at KnowSeafood!

What’s your favorite foodie find?

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Teen Jobs

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My eldest child began college at age 16 and it was perhaps a little bit too soon for her. I encouraged her but she felt trapped into that life and didn’t enjoy it. She got a part-time job and had some bad experiences with employers exploiting her and sexual harassment that went unpunished. I worried since she had completed our homeschool that she needed to spend her time wisely. Maybe I should have let her lie around and do nothing instead of pushing her to be more productive.

She worked as a grocery cashier at a national chain, clerk at a tennis center, a local casual restaurant hostess, at a Halloween shop, as a bank teller, and now as a caregiver to disabled adults.

She is now living on her own, sharing an apartment with friends. She quit college and works full-time and I hope she’s happy. She just turned 21. It hurts me that she chose to do this. I wish I still had options to help her. I wish she was still on our family health insurance plan. I pray she doesn’t fall into debt or have an accident or illness.

But if I could back, I would be kinder to my daughter instead of pushing and challenging. If I knew then what I know now.

We are experiencing a vast shift where employees are protesting poor working conditions. I know that young people and those presenting as females are often treated worse in the workplace and I do worry for my kids. My eldest tells us horrible stories about her own work experiences and that of her friends and how they are not protected or helped by management. I worry my middle daughter won’t be treated well and won’t speak up. I am so anxious.

It irritates me how difficult it is to find entry level jobs. The requirements and preferences of employers frustrates me. Most potential employees have little experience or higher education or certification. How do these employers expect to hire people if they require so much for so little pay and often poor working conditions?

Why can’t cashiers have chairs? Who is it disrespecting? Why are so many shoppers angry and belligerent?

It also upsets me that so many career options are undervalued – beauty industry, cleaning, nursing, social work, teaching, secretarial work, child care, elderly care – typically women-centric jobs or “pink collar” that bring little pay and offer poor work conditions. Our society must think these jobs aren’t important. This past couple years certainly has brought to the forefront of our newsfeeds the lack of respect for food service and caregiving careers. These workers seem invisible unless they do an exceptional job with a smile for very little pay. I think it’s awful now that college isn’t even an answer to a good job. I have a master’s degree and that’s not even special anymore.

I worked nonstop from age 16 until I was 30. I had some horrible experiences. I didn’t know any better. Bosses and coworkers were often very abusive, but I had little recourse or knowledge of workers rights. I went to college full-time, beginning with skipping my senior year of high school, including summers. I never had a break. I do not recommend this.

My parents are Silent Generation and I am GenX and that’s a bizarre combo. My dad would make very unfunny gibes about owning me and all that I owed him for the expenses he incurred while raising me.

When I quit work with the birth of my second child, I was quite lost and didn’t know how to rest. That mindset is damaging. The pressure to become a SuperMom is overwhelming. I’ve learned to balance better and I want that peace for my kids.

I wish I hadn’t been such a coward. I wish I had been encouraged to speak up, to take risks, to rest, to quit.

We are not what we produce. We are whole and complete and we deserve rest.

Where are the Teen Jobs?

I feel that teens are exploited since many adults aren’t willing to work under the current conditions. Many adults juggle child care and/or elderly care that employers aren’t willing to work around or pay enough to cover those expenses. My daughters are working hard and picking up extra shifts when people call in.

But I’m not raising kids to maintain the status quo. I want them to be respected on the job. I want them to rest when they need to, not having to grow up too fast to join the adult world. I want improvements to workers rights and minimum wage. I am so, so sorry for the apathy of my generation that we didn’t fight for more change.

There are some options for teens to work part time for pay. There doesn’t seem to be as many options as when I was a teenager.

In July 1986, 57 percent of sixteen- to nineteen-year-olds were employed; in July 2017 only 36 percent worked.

Thrivers by Michele Borba

I did babysitting from the age of 12 when I went through a course with Girl Scouts. I worked at McDonald’s at age 16, Pizza Hut, a drugstore, Media Play (remember that place?), then as a secretary through college. I was able to do substitute teaching and after school care during college also. I taught full time in various schools. I was an adjunct English professor. I worked in a day spa. I occasionally tutored after my kids were born. I just don’t have time for side hustles anymore, and thankfully I don’t have to work.

My husband did lawn care during summers. He also did various farm chores from childhood for pay or volunteer. He grew up about an hour south of Chicago on three acres surrounded by farms.

My two daughters did babysitting, but they found many parents don’t want to pay even minimum wage and expected way too much and often felt unsafe in their homes.

My middle daughter got paid well for pet sitting the last couple years with a few families during the holidays.

We have a neighbor boy who does lawn care on our street, but many families in our city hire professional house cleaners and lawn maintenance companies.

One of my children wants to sell their art online, either stickers or something similar.

Many fast food restaurants are hiring as young as 14.

Typically, many shops and restaurants will hire teens beginning at age 16.

I wonder if some businesses just don’t want to deal with the child labor laws affecting minors.

Every state is different, but most stores seem to hire only adults over age 18. This makes it more difficult for teens to get experience or work after school and during summers.

My second child just got a part-time job as a bagger/cashier at a local privately-owned grocery, but I worry she will regret it. She’s so tired all the time. She wanted to start working soon, but maybe not this soon. She’s 15 1/2. I worry she might be treated poorly and not know to recognize it or what to do. She has plans and goals and ambitions. She wants a car and flying lessons and to travel the world.

I’m thrilled for her and I do believe that money can and will open doors – but at what cost?

If you think it’s good for kids to get “life experience” by working long shifts for $7.25 an hour, what kind of life do you want to prepare them for, exactly?

Joshua Potash

I just want my kids to be healthy, safe, protected. They do not have to work until they’re on their own. I provide all their needs and most of their wants. They have education investment funds for higher learning. I don’t want them to feel guilt or shame like I did that I spend so much money to give them a good start in the world. I am blessed to be able to do so.

I encourage my kids to volunteer or find part-time or temporary jobs that will help them learn skills for the future, but only if they want to. We are in a position that we can help our kids if they want to do summer internships. Sometimes, people need jobs just to make money to pay the bills. The idea of a career or dream job can seem far away. They have plenty of time.

My kids are super helpful with home maintenance and chores. They love to learn about cleaning and fixing things. I love having companionship and help.

I wish I could say this to myself and to my children:

My dear teenager, you do not have to work. You do not have to get a part-time job.

There is no need for you to struggle or hustle and grind.

You do not have to enter the adult world just yet.

Play in the woods.

Read the manga.

Jump in the leaf pile.

Draw the picture.

Watch Netflix.

Play videogames.

Collect cards.

Play the guitar.

Sleep in late.

Go to bed late.

Eat when you want.

Go to the bathroom when you need.

Lie around in your pajamas all day.

Dream of what you want to be when you grow up.

Keep on learning.

Stay a child a little longer.

Don’t grow up just yet.

My husband retires next year after twenty years in the Air Force, and he is anxious about that transition. It’s laughable that there are so many jobs available that he is overqualified for or that require a Ph.D., but the pay is less that what he makes now.

To make a living is not to make a killing; it’s to have enough.

Wendell Berry

I pray that worker conditions improve and minimum wages are raised to a livable income. I fear for our society if the status quo remains.

It’s not just the entry level jobs that are desperate. It’s the entire economy. The job market is falling apart. The media complains that no one wants to work. Of course no one wants to work! The work conditions are abhorrent. And what about the 700,000+ workers who have died from COVID-19 complications? Surely many, if not all of them, worked somewhere. Until the work conditions change to reflect valuing and respecting lives, our society will not improve.

One reason I love the wave of people quitting and the wave of strikes is that every time someone walks away from a paycheck or withholds their labor is a leap of faith that things can be better. And when people take that leap incredible things start to happen.

Joshua Potash

Most of us want to work. We are designed for work. When we have to work to live, yet never seem to keep our head above water, we lose sight of working for the sheer joy of producing enough to live and having balance. Our capitalist society has pushed, pushed, pushed us to the breaking point that bigger, better, faster, more, better is never enough.

I ask myself, my husband, and my kids: what would you do for work if money were not an option?

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Linking up: Grammy’s Grid, Eclectic Red Barn, Silverado, Pinch of Joy, Random Musings, Create with Joy, Stroll Thru Life, Jenerally Informed, Suburbia, LouLou Girls, InstaEncouragments, Penny’s Passion, Try it Like it, Shelbee on the Edge, Debbie Kitterman, Soaring with Him, Slices of Life, Anita Ojeda, Fluster Buster, Ridge Haven, Thistle Key Lane, Ducks in a Row, GingerSnap, Anchored Abode, Modern Monticello, Artful Mom, Being a Wordsmith, Imparting Grace, Cottage Market, Hubbard Home, Answer is Choco, OMHG, Momfessionals, CWJ, Moment with Franca, Pieced Pastimes, Pam’s Party, Mostly Blogging,

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Halloween with Teens

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This last year and a half has been difficult and with the stress of living through a global pandemic, I realize my kids are growing up and outgrowing some fun kids activities right under my nose.

Autumn is my favorite time of year.

We didn’t go trick or treating for Halloween last year, even though lots of our neighbors did. We didn’t turn on our light or set out candy and the kids and I cringed every time our doorbell rang anyway. I worried we would get egged or TP’ed or some other vandalism, but we were trying to follow health guidelines in spite of everyone else. It was a long, rough night.

We tried to celebrate Christmas last year and make it special. I love having teens and watching them grow, but it is bittersweet seeing the last semblance of their childhoods fade away.

It looks like this year will be more of the same. I’m sad and I’m seeking ways to make our average days special and give us all something to look forward to. We are all depressed and worried and stressed and wondering if there will be an end in sight for the pandemic and tragic world events.

We did attend a few outdoor events when we thought it might become safer – before it was a reality that the Delta variant and COVID were still rampant. We are lucky we are healthy.

We’re still masking and distancing while it seems much of the rest of the world is moving on, going “back to normal.”

Two of my daughters have had close calls with coworkers and friend’s family members testing positive.

My son hardly eats as fall baseball is canceled and he has lost any social interaction we were able to continue. I have watched my happy go lucky little boy turn into a sad-eyed young man in a year.

Our kids will never fully recover from the stress of this era, most of which was preventable.

I’m desperate to find activities we can do in our home as a family that keep us occupied, take our minds off the catastrophes for a little while.

Halloween with Teens

My kids actually like being together and I love to see it!

How do we create opportunities to look forward to something?

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Slow Cooker Meals

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With autumn and cooler temperatures, we also tend to be busier with fall activities.

Slow cooker meals are a staple at least once a week so we have a nice hot meal that anyone can eat when they’re ready for their dinner on busy nights.

I really do love to cook, so I don’t use many appliances that do the job for me. I don’t have any of the trendy tools that the pandemic made even more popular. I am kind of a snob in the kitchen and a bit old-fashioned.

I have had our slow cooker since I received it as a wedding gift and it’s lovely. I use it mainly to roast meats and make stews.

I also like to make meat stock for the freezer, and we often can applesauce and marinara sauce.

Our favorite slow cooker meals

Asian Pork Ribs

We like to buy meaty country ribs for easy Asian pork ribs. I serve with rice and a vegetable, sometimes salad too.

Pulled Pork

I buy a small pork butt, bone in, and cook it long on low, for about 12 hours. Sometimes, I do the Dr. Pepper recipe, but often, I just cover with our special dry BBQ seasoning and liquid smoke and a cup of apple juice. We pull it apart and serve on wheat buns with cheese and sides like fries, cole slaw, baked beans. Makes great leftovers!

Stewed Pork

Chile verde: Cube pork tenderloin. Sear in fat. Add carrots and onions, a can of jalapeno peppers or chopped fresh jalapeno peppers, and a jar of salsa verde. Cook on low for about 6 hours. Great in tortillas or as a stew.

German Pork Chops

I love these bright flavors! I place in the bottom of the slow cooker: a bag of cole slaw, a sliced peeled apple, sliced sweet onion, top with pork chops and some seasonings (Italian blend and garlic or fennel and caraway) with some beer or chicken stock. Great with beets and some potatoes.

Taco Chicken

Boneless chicken parts (breasts cook less time than thighs) with a jar of your favorite salsa, cooked for about 4-5 hours on low. Often, I add a can or frozen bag of corn and a can of pinto or black beans. A few spoonfuls of taco seasoning or one of those packets are great. This can easily turn into a lovely soup with some chicken stock. I shred the chicken and usually serve over rice or with tortillas or as taco salad. It’s versatile and a crowd favorite.

Whole Roast Chicken

It’s easy to roast a chicken in a slow cooker! I usually place breast down so it stays moist. Season with garlic and salt or lemon pepper. I don’t add any liquid. I cook on high for about 4 hours or until thermometer reads 165. Sometimes, I broil it in the oven to crisp up the skin. The leftover liquid makes a lovely gravy.

Chicago Beef

A chuck roast goes a long way with some Italian seasoning or an onion soup packet, cooked about 6 hours on low. I don’t often add much liquid except maybe a dash of Worcestershire sauce and half a can of beer. Chopped or pulled on hoagie rolls with cheese and sautéed veggies, this is a family favorite.

Pot Roast

My husband grew up with a simple pot roast using onion soup mix packet and I often make this. Other times, I make the sauce from scratch with fresh herbs and a dark beer. I love lots of root veggies. Makes a great leftover minestrone soup with beans and noodles! I usually buy a lovely chuck roast at our local butcher or the commissary.

I set it on low for about 6 hours. I usually have to thicken the gravy on the stovetop.

Stewed Beef

I have a few ways I make stewed beef.

Burgundy beef tips: I season the meat and dredge in flour and sear in fat with onions, celery, and carrots. I season with thyme and rosemary and bay leaf, then pour in some red wine and beef stock and simmer on low for about 5 hours. This is great over noodles or rice.

Traditional beef stew: I season and flour the beef and then sear in fat. I pour in a dark beer with veggies (onions, carrots, and celery) and set it on low for 6 hours and forget it. I serve with rice, noodles, or potatoes.

Stroganoff is easy! I just add sour cream or cream cheese to the beef stew gravy.

Goulash: I add tomatoes, tomato sauce, and paprika.

Asian beef: I add stew meat with soy sauce, brown sugar, mirin, black pepper, garlic, ginger, onions, and a little bit of sesame oil with cornstarch and cook on low for about 5 hours. I serve over rice with sauteed veggies. This is actually my kids’ favorite stew.

Swiss Steak

I love Swiss steak, but my husband does not. I like to dredge in flour and sear round steak and smother in onions, bell peppers, and tomatoes. Cook on low for about 6 hours.

Irish Stew

We love Irish stew all year long. Cubed lamb dredged in flour and sugar, seared in fat, then I pour in a Guinness or red wine with herbs. I add root veggies and cook on low for about 6 hours. I sometimes have to thicken the gravy.

Roast Ham

This is a great way to free up oven space during holiday times too!

I pour cola or Riesling wine over the ham and glaze with mustard, brown sugar or maple syrup, and pumpkin pie spices. Cook on low about 6 hours or until thermometer says 145.

My favorite tools:

In the past, I have made breakfast casserole and bread pudding in my slow cooker for breakfasts. It’s really very versatile, especially when feeding a crowd or when the oven and stovetop is needed or when I’m very busy or away from home.

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What are your favorite slow cooker foods?

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Celebrating Autumn

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September is a time to welcome harvest, say goodbye to summer for good even if temps are still warm, welcoming fall.

I think everyone has a favorite season and I have always loved autumn, the scents or decaying leaves, the breezes that transition into crisp licks from summer warmth. I look forward to boots and sweaters and all the beautiful colors.

It seems that summer continues longer and then Halloween keeps creeping up, so I have barely a few days to actually enjoy autumn.

I love setting out my ceramic pumpkins on the brick hearth and my little velvet ones on the mantle. I switch out my front door wreath to one with leaves and pinecones. I have fall tablecloths and towels.

Celebrate the Autumnal Equinox around the 23rd of September.

The word equinox is from Latin, meaning “equal night.” 

The autumn equinox is called Mabon, or Second Harvest, is one of the sacred Celtic celebrations, which date back to ancient times. It’s a time to give thanks for the summer and to pay tribute to the coming darkness.

Thanksgiving, the Moon Festival, Higan, Sukkot, Diwali, and many other fall festivals also hit upon themes of light, darkness, change, plenty, gratitude, and community.

According to legend, a feathered serpent deity named Kukulcan visits the Maya city of Chichen Itza every equinox. On both the vernal and autumnal equinox, crowds gather to watch as a snake-like shadow slides down the god’s namesake pyramid.

Fall festivals of the equinox often involve themes:

  • balancing opposites, especially the scientific, aesthetic, and symbolic senses of light and darkness in balance
  • food, plenty, and gratitude
  • building and celebrating community through sharing food and labor
  • preparing for winter practically, emotionally, and spiritually

Celebrating Autumn

Apples are a great September theme.

Pomona was a Roman goddess who was the keeper of orchards and fruit trees.

Here are a few verses perfect for Autumn (from A Beautiful Childhood):

  • Harvest. This is a sweet poem that you can bring to life with some simple actions: “Blow, wind, blow! and go, mill, go! that the miller may grind his corn; that the baker may take it, and into bread make it, and bring us a loaf in the morn. When the wind drops, so the mill stops; when the wind blows, so the mill goes, going: ‘clickety-clacketyclickety-clackety-clickety-clacketyclickety-clack.”
  • Seeds. Tell this poem slowly whilst doing actions with your hands: “A little seed for me to sow, a little earth to make it grow, a little dig, a little pat, a little wish, and that is that. A little sun, a little shower, a little wait, and then… a flower!”
  • Wind / leaves. There are so many similar to this but I love this one, again it could easily be brought to life with a few simple hand gestures: “Come, little leaves,” said the wind one day; Come over the meadows with me and play; Put on your dresses of red and gold; For summer is gone, and the days grow cold. Soon as the leaves heard the wind’s loud call, Down they came fluttering, one and all; Over the fields they danced and flew, Singing the soft little songs they knew. Dancing and whirling the little leaves went; Winter had called them and they were content; Soon, fast asleep in their earthy beds, The snow laid a coverlet over their heads.”
  • Apples. You can cut an apple in half to see the “star” inside and tell this poem / sing this song:  “My nice red rosy apple, has a secret hid unseen. You’d see if you could slip inside, five rooms so neat and clean. In each room there are living, two pips so shiny bright. Asleep they are a-dreaming, of lovely warm sunlight. And sometimes they are dreaming, of things that are to be. For soon they will be hanging, upon a Christmas tree.”

Books

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What’s your favorite thing about autumn?

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What if I die?

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My parents had me pretty late for the times. They were 35 in 1976, had been married for about thirteen years. They were set in their ways. I was unwelcome as an upset to the schedule even though they assure me I was desperately wanted.

I have mourned my parents since I was about eight years old. I worried about what would happen to me if my parents died before I was 18. I knew in a macabre sense that I would forever have no one to help me and it would be super hard when my parents got older.

Being an only child of aging parents is tough.

It’s been a long time since I lived nearby and the relationship has never been anything but toxic.

Sixteen years is a long time to live away and only have a few emails to maintain a relationship that’s passive aggressive at best and narcissistic at worst. The most recent email was an admonishment from my mother that she doesn’t know my kids, doesn’t talk to them, only knows what I tell her. She doesn’t even pay attention to what I tell her and seldom comments on any pictures I send. Why must I make all the effort?

My parents ignored me in a little tantrum for several months last year and I worried: how would I even know if they got sick or injured?

It makes me sad and also a little bit scared.

My parents turn 80 next year. They live in a HUGE 3-story house and are still independent, but I wonder how long that will last and what could happen in a blink of an eye. They’re vaccinated, but they live in Georgia and there aren’t any protections in place and they live as though we are not in an international crisis.

Time is running out for healing a broken relationship.

What if I get COVID-19?

I never thought I would really have to plan or worry about what would happen to my family if my husband or I get chronically ill, hospitalized, or died. I mean, we plan for these possibilities with wills, POA, legal paperwork, insurance, investments. We surely hope it never has to be used while the children are young. But the reality with COVID-19 and the political climate means that I have to think about it more as a probability.

Our will states my parents and my husband’s two sisters as next of kin, but that doesn’t ease my mind at all. My parents are old and my husband’s sisters have their own busy families. None of these people share my values at all.

While I feel assured my family would be ok long-term because of our financial planning, that doesn’t help me with the thoughts of how would they cope emotionally and psychologically or in the short-term.

My husband and I, and our three older kids, are all vaccinated and wear masks when we leave the house.

My husband works full-time, in a medical laboratory facility. He’s frontline and knows the statistics and risks. I’ve been very frightened for years what he could be exposed to or bring home. We did get H1N1 a couple years ago, even with the flu shot.

I’m the one who usually goes to the stores to buy groceries. I’m putting myself at risk every time I leave the house. Yes, I know I could use pickup or delivery services, but that has other issues. My greatest fear is asphyxiation. The thought of me contracting a deadly respiratory virus and possibly being hospitalized and intubated while quarantined, isolated, and alone is terrifying to me. I lie awake at night considering if I might have been exposed. Is that cramp the beginning? Did I just feel a tiny shortness of breath? Is my chest tightening? Is this COVID or anxiety or allergies? Will I be ambulanced away or dropped off at the ER and not be able to say goodbye to my family? The irony of my functional depression and constant suicide ideation is not lost on me as I realize I don’t want to die…like that.

I have food anxiety and constantly worry about stocking up on essentials and stress about my kids eating healthy meals and having snacks and enough sports drinks to stay hydrated. I worry even more what would happen if they had to somehow fend for themselves for a long period of time if I got sick or had to be hospitalized.

I’m terrified of my kids contracting the virus. How do we quarantine one in our house so the rest are safe? What if I have to leave my child alone in the hospital?

While my eldest is on her own, working fulltime and living with friends, she is still in a liminal space in her young life and I worry constantly about her wellbeing. A coworker just tested positive and my daughter caught a bad cold and we all held our breath until her COVID test showed “no detection.”

We have always homeschooled. My middle kids will be on the cusp of completing their academics and approaching graduation time in the next two years. While there is still a lot of paperwork for the state and hoops to jump through for them to enter college early, I don’t have so many worries about their education.

My son is only 11 and cannot be vaccinated yet. We’re planning a freaking family birthday party at our local drugstore for when he turns 12 and can get the shot. I’m only sort of joking.

The kids lost their neighborhood friends when some continued to play together while we were in lockdown and one teen boy decided it was the perfect time to inform us that all Muslims are terrorists and all LGBTQ will go to hell.

I worry how he would survive in a school environment or how he could continue homeschooling if something happened to his dad or me. How would his siblings be able to help or handle it?

We were never meant to live in perpetual crisis.

I chose to settle in suburbia so my kids could grow up in safety and peace and have a little nature to play in like I did when I was a child.

I feel lost, alone, scared, betrayed.

I can’t protect my kids from a society intent on killing its less valuable citizens.

I am enraged by people living in complacency or outright denial that there is a vast plague affecting the vulnerable populations around the world. I cannot fathom that governments and individuals really think it’s acceptable to sacrifice children, elderly, others who are most at risk of contracting and getting very ill or dying from this virus.

We are witnessing the collapse of our society like the slow motion fall of Rome while too many people cry that they just want to “return to normal” because that was comfortable for them and they benefited too well from that normal that was anything but normal for many.

We have the opportunity to improve our society, and correct past wrongs that have been highlighted by the too brief COVID shutdowns, but that seems like a fleeting pipe dream as we realize our rights are being reneged after decades, people are evicted and homeless and jobless, schools aren’t updating nor protecting our young, and we’re sacrificing our disrespected elderly to the gods of capitalism.

I am horrified but also feel paralyzed and helpless.

While I do believe that one person can help make a difference, I feel like a tiny teardrop in a bucket full of holes.

Too many financially stable and comfortable people who do care just a little only want to donate a little money or their used clothes and closet cleanouts and feel better about themselves, like that really helps anyone who needs help.

The social media posts from naysaying parents who don’t want their kids “controlled by politics, having to wear masks in school, nor live in fear” are just raising another generation of selfish and hateful people. My daughter takes a gymnastics class with a friend whose sister has COVID. Contact tracing and waiting and quarantine has us all in a panic, as we monitor every sniffle, sneeze, scratch in the throat.

I am perhaps not as shocked as I could be that many Christians are living like they’re going to be rescued by God despite not taking any precautions and showing their disdain for everyone else who is. I don’t think that’s the way it works. A deadly virus not a bipartisan or religious issue.

Vaccine mandates are really bringing out the worst in some people. They would rather quit their jobs than get a shot. And some of these people are in service and health industries, which makes me even sadder.

I am infuriated by all the people traveling, vacationing, going to church, concerts, and restaurants – like everything is not literally on fire and people are dying. They live in a different world.

I don’t want to see the fucking selfish blog posts and social media images of the beach vacations or restaurant dining. These people are putting everyone at risk as they pretend everything is fine.

I am disgusted by social media images of 13 beers on restaurant tables with cheerfully unmasked diners – as our children are hospitalized while politicians ridicule and deny anyone who fears a deadly virus and also refusing refugees any humanity and taking away human rights from women. My grandfather, father, and husband didn’t put on a uniform and serve their country for a publicity stunt.

People confuse patriotism with nationalism and only pick and choose who they deem worthy of honor.

We need systemic changes.

Linking up: Pinch of Joy, House on Silverado, Grammy’s Grid, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, Anchored Abode, Suburbia, InstaaEncouragements, April Harris, Pam’s Party, Shelbee on the Edge, LouLou Girls, Mostly Blogging, Jenerally Informed, OMHG, Pieced Pastimes, LEO Wife, Thistle Key Lane, Ridge Haven, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Ducks in a Row, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, Imparting Grace, Slices of Life, Cottage Market, Being a Wordsmith, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Cottage Market, Hubbard Home, Modern Monticello, Simply Beautiful, Create with Joy,

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Consent

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Teaching consent to our kids is one of the most important lessons.

We should begin practicing and teaching consent with babies, but it’s never too late.

Gentle and respectful parenting is about consent and respecting kids as the people they are – with needs, preferences, and desires just like adults.

Even though I had little autonomy as a child, teen, or even young adult, I want to do better with my kids and model and teach them consent in all their relationships.

I didn’t do the greatest as a gentle parent until about ten years ago, so my eldest got the brunt of my outgrowing my own childishness and trauma. My middle two kids don’t have much memory of the bad times and my youngest is the healthiest by far.

Consent and control cannot coexist.

I find myself constantly reevaluating how I can show respect to my children.

I have edited and updated my blog and social media to exclude photos and stories about my children than they would rather I not share. I don’t post photos of my kids without their consent anymore. I do not share explicit stories about my kids’ troubles or our family troubles without clearing it with my family first. Yes, I think some info is helpful to others who may face the same issues, but it’s a touchy subject and I should use discretion.

Kids are not a hashtag nor should they be exploited online for clicks, likes, clout.

What does teaching and modeling consent look like?

Pets

Having pets or access to pets is a great way to model and teach consent. Animals surely let us know when they are done with us or don’t like something.

We teach even our youngest kids how to gently pet the cat, to be quiet and less sudden so as not to scare the cat. Kids learn about pets’ eating and bathroom habits and how to leave them alone to do that. This is easily transferrable to people and respecting their space.

Some pets are more anxious than others and it’s important not to leave very young kids alone with animals, even if you think you know them well.

Infants

Since infants don’t have any autonomy and can only make eye contact and sounds, it’s important to speak to our babies and narrate what we are doing to their bodies so they can begin to understand that we care for them with love and respect.

We can gently tell our babies that we are picking them up so they associate the words with the action. We can inform them that it is time for a diaper change. We can explain that we need to gently wipe nose, mouth, face. We can make it a game to undress or dress for bathtime or changing time as we talk about body parts that we tuck into sleeves or massage with oils.

Toddlers

This is probably a difficult time but oh, so important to model and discuss consent.

Toddlers learn and love the word, “No!” and use it often. It’s very upsetting to buckle a child into a carseat when she doesn’t want to do that.

We teach that NO is never a game. No means NO. We stop tickling or wrestling or playing and we teach new ways to play games like Freeze Tag or Red Light Green Light without making No a game or funny word.

Many times, the toddler doesn’t want to stop what he’s doing to get the diaper changed. We have to give firm choices of only two options like, now or after this song. We can explain that it’s important for health and everyone’s happiness that carseats are always used and diapers are changed. We as adults might need to be more flexible and allow more time or change of plans if the child is unwilling or needs to wait.

Kids know if they’re hot or cold and it’s wise to take extra clothing along just in case. And they will often realize they need that coat or hat after all in a few minutes. Children know when they’re hungry so it’s wise not to coax them to eat more and not listen to their bodies. When they get sleepy, it’s often needed to be patient and close by with young kids who are learning how to self-soothe. We can give kids agency by offering choices like what story to read at bedtime or what snack to have.

Much of consent with toddlers is teaching the concepts of body, space, and touch. Also, showing empathy to kids and modeling emotional intelligence instead of distracting from healthy emotions, even if we as a society view those feelings as negative or uncomfortable. When a child falls or gets hurt, we can express that we understand. We are here. We permit the tears so they can move on from the pain, whether physical or embarrassment or both.

Elementary

Once kids reach school age, it’s easier to communicate and impart another’s viewpoint. Kids are naturally empathetic and want to please.

Kids need to learn the difference between secrets and surprises. We have to model and teach safety to young kids so they know there should be no secrets. Teaching kids blind obedience opens up ways for abuse if they have no outlet to question or negotiate. Bodies are our own and we don’t owe anyone hugs, kisses, fist bumps, handshakes, or any contact at all. As parents, we must protect our kids from overreaching family members and friends who do not understand this.

Kids learn personal space and respect by seeing it modeled by the adults they trust. Teaching boundaries is essential. Learning about tone of voice and body language becomes important.

I speak firmly and clearly to my kids when I need a moment and they learn that I am nearby and they are safe. They learn that people have needs to be alone or together, quiet or loud, at different times.

Interruptions are harsh for kids, so it’s wise to give warnings about cleaning up and getting ready a few minutes beforehand. I also like to help my kids with overwhelming chores so they don’t feel so lost and get discouraged.

Tweens

Please do not wait until kids are over ten to discuss sex ed. This should be an ongoing conversation and surely kids are curious about some aspects as young as toddlers and preschoolers. If you have triggers or hangups about sex, you need to work to overcome that so you can discuss the hard topics with your kids.

Consent is so much more than just about sex.

Even if the concept of consent is newer to you or you didn’t model it so well with the kids when they were younger, you can make up for the lost time and start anew.

I’m learning and growing alongside my kids and reading, reading, reading so much as preview and with my kids now.

It’s important to be open to messy conversations about relationships, dating, and sex. It’s certainly time to discuss sexual harassment and assault. We need to discuss substance use and abuse and its role in consent.

We can practice responses about boundaries so kids have an internal script.

We watch shows together that often have cringey scenes and we discuss why and what should be different. They don’t really like to see violence or sex on screen and I try to brace them if the show is still good enough and only has a few scenes that forward the story line.

Teens

It’s go time.

Everything we have done as parents is now being tested out in the real world. We cannot be there as a protective parent all the time anymore, and that is oh, so scary.

Teens are exploring and navigating relationships outside the family, with friends and potential significant others.

It’s important that we as parents stand by as guides and not judges. By building trust, we are here to help our teens work out issues in their relationships and help them make wise decisions.

Consent isn’t just for straight boys. We need to help our kids understand the importance of consent in all their interactions and relationships. It’s about more than just sex.

We need to have hard conversations with our kids and if sex cannot be discussed with proper words for body parts and functions, then no one should be doing it.

There needs to be clear verbal consent each and every time there is any intimacy.

It might be a good time for self-defense classes.

Adults

The human brain isn’t fully developed until about age 25.

Hopefully, young adults grow in wisdom and respect and model healthy relationships to those around them.

With so many different kinds of relationships being acceptable, it’s super important to be clear with consent and boundaries.

I’m still modeling consent and having conversations with my eldest child who is about to turn 21.

I’m rather glad I don’t have to navigate the dating scene anymore and I’m worried for my four kids and what they may encounter and how they can handle it.

As parents, we need to protect young ones from overreaching adults – family members, friends, and acquaintances who may overstep and demand contact that our kids aren’t interested or ready for. Our kids don’t owe anyone access to their bodies – not grandpa, grandma, aunts, uncles, or the elderly at church.

I’ve found myself becoming hyper-aware of adults invading kids’ space. Why did the eye doctor have to lean on my child’s knee to adjust the equipment or touch my son’s shirt in jest to make his inappropriate joke? I also notice when adults are very respectful and I make sure to thank them.

It’s important to set boundaries and continue to communicate clearly about needs.

Hopefully, we can help the next generations do even better with consent.

7 Ways to Teach YOUR children Consent without mentioning SEX by Lolo Cynthia.

  1. Teach Your Children To Say NO
  2. Respect Your Children’s NO
  3. Teach Your Children To ALWAYS ask for permission
  4. Get A Strong Positive Male Figure For Boy Children
  5. Teach Kids Not To Move People Out Of the Way With Their Hands
  6. Teach Kids Not To Give Out People’s Personal Information Without Permission
  7. Make every moment a teachable moment.

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Resources:

People misusing and abusing the word “grooming” are “creating confusion about what ‘grooming’ and child abuse actually entails, and when there’s confusion, it’s harder for adults to notice actual abuse and harder for kids to report.”

What does consent look like in your family?

Linking up: House on Silverado, Pinch of Joy, Eclectic Red Barn, Grammy’s Grid, Random Musings, Suburbia, Stroll Thru Life, Shelbee on the Edge, Across the Blvd, LouLou Girls, Jenerally Informed, OMHG, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Create with Joy, Thistle Key Lane, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Ducks in a Row, Anchored Abode, InstaEncouragements, Penny’s Passion, Eclectic Red Barn, Ridge Haven, Slices of Life, Try it Like it, Soaring with Him, Answer is Choco, Imparting Grace, Busy Being Jennifer, Being a Wordsmith, Pieced Pastimes, Momfessionals, Mostly Blogging,

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Relaxed Homeschool Schedule

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When I began homeschooling my eldest back in 2005, I thought we needed lots of structure, routine, and a strict schedule. We were coming out of a school mindset and it took a while to learn how to relax and plan and live the homeschool life.

We’ve shifted our schedule so many ways over the years with babies, toddlers, moving across the country and world. There were years when I tutored to make some extra money. I’ve provided my kids with reading lists, daily and weekly checklists, worksheets. We have homeschooled year round most years and other years, taken a long summer break. Some years, we only have a few weeks of a summer break or just a very short, vague transition into a new history cycle.

We have probably done everything in the name of productivity.

I’m more about prioritizing rest and being stress-free these days. I don’t want my kids to be anxious over school work, tests, jobs, or anything else that society claims is more important than rest, physical and mental health.

Now that we’ve been educating at home for over sixteen years, it’s pretty streamlined and more comfortable. I do love having big kids and teens who are more independent. My children have a voice in their schedule and education and life and we want to help them budget their time wisely.

Alas, the days when our academics were done before lunch are long gone. Nowadays, we do blocks of academic work with several breaks – in the mornings, before and after lunch, before and after dinner. I’m more interested in flow and the kids having free time to relax and create.

We don’t limit screens. We offer a huge variety of activities and options in our home for creativity, hobbies, and more.

Relaxed Homeschool Schedule

This year, we are focusing on Year 2 in our history cycle.

Morning

I don’t set alarms unless we have appointments. I try not to make appointments in the mornings.

The kids and I wake up whenever we do so naturally.

I provide a hot breakfast every weekday morning. Dad does weekend duty. I have a pot of Yorkshire Gold tea.

I give the cats their little snack inside little mouse toys. I refill the bird feeders. I check the garden. I unload the dishwasher and start laundry.

After everyone is awake and fed, I do read alouds. I usually have a stack of history, literature, living books that I read for each unit of our curriculum.

Depending on how late it is, I have instituted “science time before lunch” to ensure it gets done. They’re each doing a different science, so they have to work more independently and ask for help as needed. If they need to eat first, they know they need to do their science right after lunch. Sometimes, they have questions for Dad later.

We’re flexible.

Afternoon

The kids usually have leftovers or organic semi-homemade ramen for lunch. I usually have a protein smoothie. The kids watch a show or play video games during lunchtime.

I encourage the kids to rest during and after lunch, but not for too long.

Language time is early afternoon. Latin, Greek, Russian, whatever is interesting.

I do have individual reading and writing assignments that the kids are responsible for in history and literature and they have to fit those in how and when they can. I help them budget their time and some weeks, we work through weekends or finish up later or take two weeks if we need it.

The kids have lately asked to do chores for pay and even created little charts for themselves. My son just wants his pay direct to the Pokemon app. The middle kids want theirs direct deposited monthly into their accounts. I love that they’re helping more and learning about money.

The kids have some extracurriculars in late afternoons/early evenings: art class, aerial arts, baseball practice. Saturdays, one takes ice skating lessons. I usually drop the kids off and use that hour to run errands or even get in a quick workout at a nearby park outside. Sometimes, I just sit in the minivan and read.

Evening

Dad usually works on math and some science with the kids when he gets home from work.

I try to have a nice homecooked dinner for the family every night. Some nights are getting difficult with baseball and extracurricular classes. I still make something in the slow cooker or a casserole so everyone can eat when they can.

Friday nights are for homemade pizza and movies.

I like to walk around our neighborhood pond in the evenings. It’s a great way to unwind and I love seeing the birds and bunnies, and sometimes deer.

Bedtime is around ten and all devices are plugged in away from bedrooms and WiFi is turned off by midnight so we sleep better.

I still read to my son a story each night.

Our Schedule Through the Years

What’s your schedule look like?

Linking up: Pam’s Party, Pieced Pastimes, Create with Joy, Stroll Thru Life, Jenerally Informed, Shelbee on the Edge, OMHG, Suburbia, InstaEncouragements, LouLou Girls, Across the Blvd, Pinch of Joy, House on Silverado, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Mostly Blogging, Ducks in a Row, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Random Musings, Eclectic Red Barn, Anchored Abode, Soaring with Him, Thistle Key Lane, Embracing Unexpected, Debbie Kitterman, CWJ, Imparted Grace, Mummpreneur, Hubbard Home, Penny’s Passion, Cottage Market, Wordsmith, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Life Beyond the Kitchen, Slices of Life, Anchored Abode, Moment with Franca, Pam’s Party, Ridge Haven Homestead, Artful Mom, Grammy’s Grid,

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How to Make Your Home Feel More Welcoming To Guests

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Creating a house that feels like a home is a lifelong endeavor. Half of the fun of owning your own home is creating an atmosphere that you and your guests feel comfortable in. The home itself is the perfect expression of what you value as a homeowner, be that decor, comfort, color, or a mixture of all three. Letting your taste be expressed while also maintaining a relaxing atmosphere for you and your guests is one of the best ways to decorate your home. If you’re looking for tips on how to create more comfort in your home, this article is for you. 

Keep It Smelling Great 

Even if your house is as beautifully designed as possible, a sour-smelling room will always kill the atmosphere for new guests immediately. Everyone is familiar with the strange house smell, so it’s important to remove this as a potential vibe killer. Old houses, stale smoke, and pet dander are just some of the scents guests pick up on when first entering a home. If you want to avoid the awkward sniffs and questionable looks from guests, it’s a good idea to concentrate on making your home smell and feel pleasant and clean for your guests. If you want to freshen up your home, the first priority should be a deep clean. Deep cleaning the home and adding a whole house air freshener is an excellent option to give your home a wonderful scent without overpowering the senses. Guests will appreciate avoiding unwelcoming smells, and you’ll feel much more comfortable in your home knowing that it looks and smells great to new guests. 

Add a Fresh Coat of Paint 

If you have a big family, you’re likely already aware of how easy it is for the walls to get messy. Paint over a few years old commonly collects scuff marks, dirt, and difficult-to-remove mystery stains. To avoid the dingy look of years old paint, keep your home looking fresh by adding a new coat of paint. It might even be a good time to reconsider your paint choices and opt for a brighter or lighter paint for a fresher and more calming atmosphere in the home. Not only will a fresh paint of coat make your home look and feel cleaner, but it’s a great way to restyle a room on a budget. 

Style With New Decor 

If all else fails and your home still feels like it still needs a sprucing up, it may be time to invest in different decor. Try rearranging your furniture to fit a different style, and create spaces for more people to sit. Depending on the number of guests you usually have over and the kind of activities you’ll engage in with your guests, it may be a good idea to concentrate on the specific rooms that you’ll use the most when guests are over. Have a ton of foodie friends? Concentrate on sprucing up the kitchen and dining room to accommodate more guests. Kitchens, living rooms, and dining rooms are all party favorites, so concentrate your efforts on creating more space where people can flow freely from one room to the other.

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Krohn Conservatory

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We visited Krohn Conservatory to see the butterflies!

There are several rooms, a lovely themed display that changes frequently in the “waiting room” entrance.

When our entrance time arrived, we were excited to hold the butterflies on the little scented cards.

There is also a caterpillar incubation room.

After the butterfly room, there are cactus and orchid exhibits.

Tori loved the butterfly bench!

Info about Krohn Conservatory – hours, cost, and exhibits.

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