Jennifer Lambert

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You are here: Home / Family / Teaching Kindness

Teaching Kindness

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April 12, 2016 By Jennifer Lambert 21 Comments

Many of us are quick to brag over our 5-year-old easily completing 3rd grade math problems or reading above his grade-level.

I see commendations every week on Instagram over memorization drills for homeschoolers or Sunday schoolers.

We ooh and ahh over graduation pictures posted on Facebook – preschool graduation, Kindergarten graduation, elementary school graduation, 8th grade graduation…high school and college and grad school graduation mean even less by comparison.

We boast about kids with their sports awards and extracurricular endeavors.

Awards, trophies, and certificates mean less and less when everyone gets one.

Why don’t we ever proclaim how proud we are because our children are kind?

My kids are surely average and ordinary. My husband and I are average and ordinary. We’re ok with that because we think differently about success.

We seldom praise our kids for performance, but we’re sure to recognize when they’re kind.

There are lots of cute activities and lessons on teaching kids about kindness.

It’s a difficult concept to teach to children if parents don’t model it.

I’ve often been asked by parents how they can teach their kids to be kind to each other. Parents complain that their kids don’t like each other, constantly bicker and quarrel, bully each other, are mean.

I won’t allow it.

It’s quite simple.

I do not allow unkindness.

If a family has two tween girls who fight all the time, then the parents allowed it to get to that point by not parenting. We have to actively teach and model self-control and kindness.

What does it mean to be kind?

  • generous, helpful, and thinking about other people’s feelings; not causing harm or damage

We’re not really born to be kind.

Babies don’t think about other people’s feelings. They’re born to cry for their needs to be met.

They have to be taught to be less self-centered as they grow.

Most parents praise toddlers for being helpful. They praise kids for being careful.

I won’t allow the excuse of “sibling rivalry is normal” in my home.

My children will learn to live together in harmony.

I want them to grow up and be friends.

Teaching Kindness

How we encourage kindness:

Being Generous

We model generosity at home, at church, and when we travel.

Generosity is more than just giving money.

We need to be generous with our time, helpful hands, affection, words of affirmation, and more.

We are in a position where we can be very generous with our finances and time. We should desire to be a blessing to others whenever we can.

Being generous is showing the love of Jesus to others.

We don’t force sharing among our kids, but we praise it when it happens because it’s kind. We try make sure there is plenty of everything to go around, but when there are opportunities for sharing, it makes my heart happy to see my kids willingly share. Often family and friends with smaller families don’t realize having four kids means needing four of something to be more fair.

We don’t force our kids to show physical affection and we don’t show disdain when they choose not to offer it. We respect their personal space and their bodies are their own.

Being Helpful

We provide the kids with many opportunities to help. This encourages them to think of others or needs that need to be met.

From when the kids are very, very young, I encourage them to help with household chores, cooking, yard work, and with each other.

We keep adding to their responsibilities as they grow and are able until they are independent.

The goal is for them to see a need and fill it.

I am very pleased when adults at church (or anywhere) compliment my kids on their helpfulness in cleaning up or being responsible.

Focusing on Others

I am training my children to be servant leaders after all.

It’s often hard to put others before ourselves. It’s often unpleasant and unpopular.

We review this with Bible study and using real world examples.

It’s a sign of maturity to be others-focused.

We don’t have a lot of rules in our home or charts or anything external. If the kids bicker or argue or have any kind of altercation, we usually ask right away, “Is this kind?” and it diffuses the situation. They desire to show kindness and receive kindness. Sharing bedrooms and living spaces and bathrooms forces us all to be considerate of others in our household.

Causing No Harm

It should be easy for people to understand the Golden Rule.

We’ve had our share of issues with bullies, even in the homeschool community. I was bullied in middle school, and even as an adult.

We offer suggestions and do-overs.

“How can you make that better?”

“Do you want to try it again, in a different way?”

“Could you say that in a kinder way?”

We teach our kids how to say a proper apology, more than just a flippant “I’m sorry.”

It’s important for kids to learn how to be repentant, make amends, and to forgive.

This is Relationships 101. Unfortunately, I know plenty of adults who missed that class and aren’t concerned about training their children in it.

It takes diligent parenting to model and teach kindness.

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Comments

  1. Joanna says

    June 6, 2016 at 8:56 am

    Love this a million times over! Kindness is something we have to model as parents and something that we have to teach our children from the time that they are babies! I feel that if I can manage to raise kind children, I would consider myself a success.

    Reply
  2. Angela @ MOMtessori Life says

    June 6, 2016 at 7:43 pm

    Yes! Modeling behavior is so important as parents of little ones. Kindness and sharing can never be forced — it needs to be internally motivated. #MMBH

    Reply
  3. Swapna says

    June 7, 2016 at 2:02 am

    You’re so right! Kindness needs to be taught. Just like manners or alphabets. It may not come naturally but it can be instilled!

    Great insight.

    #practicalmondays

    Reply
  4. Munchkin Time says

    June 7, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    I enjoyed reading this, specially teaching our kids to be kind to each other thank you so much for sharing, pinning it for my readers!

    Reply
  5. Laurie says

    June 8, 2016 at 7:04 am

    This is a great post and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing with us this week at Brag About It! Pinning to share.

    Reply
  6. Kayla says

    June 8, 2016 at 3:20 pm

    What a wonderful post! You are SO right that we need to be the good examples to our children. I love that you mentioned we need to be generous and kind with our time. I notice that when I am more generous with my time with my kids, they are MUCH more kind.

    Reply
  7. Rachel @ Smart Mom Smart Ideas says

    June 9, 2016 at 11:38 am

    Hi Jennifer, this is wonderful post about teaching our children kindness and that is starts with our own brothers and sisters. Learning kindness within our family is a great place to start.

    Reply
  8. Michele Morin says

    June 9, 2016 at 12:59 pm

    So good to be reminded that kindness is something we can learn and teach – and that’s biblical because Colossians 3 tells us to “clothe ourselves with” it, to put it on the way we do our shoes!

    Reply
  9. Ana@CelebratingSunshine says

    June 9, 2016 at 2:24 pm

    I just love, love , love this post! Kindness is something we can teach and we have to model as parents. I would love to read more posts like this!

    Reply
  10. Maria says

    June 9, 2016 at 8:39 pm

    This is such a profound read, Jennifer. My word for the year is kindness and I’ve been mindful of not only teaching my daughter what it means to be kind, but also showing and leading her by example, and your sentiments above serves as a great reminder that though it may not always be easy to be kind, it’s definitely necessary. Thanks so much for sharing this on #shinebloghop100 this week!

    Reply
  11. Shelbee on the Edge says

    June 10, 2016 at 12:10 am

    Really great post and a lot of great tips! I recently was so proud of my 5 year old for this bit of kindness…his friend had fallen at school and really scraped up her leg and shoulder…it was pretty bad…we thought it may need stitches (fortunately it did not). The next day upon arrival at school, the very first thing my son said to his friend, “How is your leg today? Are you feeling better?” These are preschool children! My son’s first concern was the health and wellness of his friend and I couldn’t have been prouder! You bet I praised him! Keep spreading your wonderful message!

    Shelbee
    http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com

    Reply
  12. Lori says

    June 10, 2016 at 8:35 pm

    YES! Today’s society needs more kindness. I cannot even imagine what the future is going to be like because the wrong priorities are being taught to the next generation. Thanks for linking up with Thankful Thursdays.

    Reply
  13. Deanna says

    June 13, 2016 at 4:00 am

    So well said!

    Thank you for sharing with Everything Kids!

    Reply
  14. katherines corner says

    June 13, 2016 at 4:48 am

    this is a lovely post. thank you for sharing at the Thursday favorite Thing link party. watch for your feature tomorrow xo

    Reply
  15. Adelien Tan says

    June 14, 2016 at 5:06 am

    Being kind can be trained. The best training is by giving example. That is definitely correct. In the midst of the individualism of the modern world, it is very hard to teach the character of being kind to children. However, they should apply it in their daily life. How will the world look like in the future without kindness? It will be a really cruel world. Thank you for sharing with us in Family Fun Friday.

    Reply

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