What to do with that middle schooler…junior high girl…lost child… between childhood and adulthood?
Our society pushes these girls to grow up way too soon. We see the shocking scenes in the media that many in our society deem “normal.”
Young girls mimic this media and some are desensitized while others think it’s nothing to worry about.
And we still have the “boys will be boys” mentality in our western society.
There’s a double standard.
I say that it’s not normal and there’s no such thing as this Western adolescent mentality – other than the biological changes. And I’ve got an oil for that.
Why shouldn’t she still be that same sweet little girl who holds your hand while shopping and tells you her dreams before bed? Our society says that it’s acceptable and expected for tweens and teens to be belligerent and defiant. Why? It’s just another lie from the devil that divides families. And it’s starting younger and younger.
When I was a girl, we went from child to junior to adult clothing. There were no tween lines of clothing in stores encouraging girls to look older than they are. We should not have little girls wearing makeup and high heels and leather and making “come hither” looks at boys. It used to be just certain high-end clothing catalogs, but I’ve seen it recently in department store Sunday ad inserts. I’ve seen little girls in church wearing stripper clothes. It’s getting closer and closer to what everyone considers “normal.” My husband is disturbed by seeing girls when he can’t tell if they’re 12 or 25 in age. I wonder what high school and college boys think!
What will my son think?
What does Jesus think?
It’s about more than modesty.
Do we want our daughters to be sex symbols or admired for their minds, hearts, souls?
I often have to shop in the boys’ department for my daughters. They like to be comfortable and covered up. They don’t like the low waist super skinny jeans and short shorts. They don’t like leggings as pants. They like the wider longer cut of the Tshirts in the boys’ dept.
Even in the Christian world, we compromise values to fit in with the world. Society says to protect with vaccinations against STD’s and with contraceptive devices instead of discipling and educating in the Word. The devil and the world want us to think that’s it’s hopeless for anyone to wait until marriage to have sex.
And it’s not just about the act of sex. It’s about the intimacy, the tearing apart of a soul who is too young to understand what she’s doing to herself, what regrets she will have later.
God spoke to me recently through this song The Middle by Jimmy Eat World.
When I researched it, the video (while inappropriate for kids) is quite powerful about peer pressure.
So, what did God say to me?
I’m so glad you asked.
That gorgeous girl in the video with the cross necklace represents compromised Christians. These kids are lost. Their faith isn’t strong enough; their foundation is shaky; they are weak; they have no good Christian role models. They struggle with living in the world and can’t stand strong against the pressures to fit in.
…for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me… ~2 Timothy 4:10a
I knew girls like that when I was in school. I didn’t understand it, but I knew I wanted no part of it. Those “Sunday Christians” didn’t appeal to me, but I didn’t know why yet. They have that appearance of being Christian, but they go the way of the world.
For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? ~Matthew 16:26
God had His finger on me, but it was many years before I knew it.
Those two kids who almost compromise? They realize their potential mistake just in time and support one another. They have the victory.
I pray that our children can fight the temptations of this world and have the victory.
It begins at home with fervent prayer as parents.
I recently met a kindred spirit in an Air Force chaplain’s wife. Jean told me they have three wonderful children whom they successfully raised for the Lord. They just dropped off their youngest, a son, at his freshman dorm to begin college. They are officially empty nesters. Their daughters, aged 25 and 23, are still virgins and are engaged to be married (or so close they can taste it) to wonderful Christian young men. Praise God for that testimony as a mama!
It is possible! I pray that I have that kind of success raising my children to further the Kingdom of God.
Who do you want teaching your kids about sex?
Culture? School? Lady Gaga? Miley Cyrus? Their friends? Do you trust your church to teach them?
Or you as a parent?
I know which I choose.
Yes, it’s hard!
I choose to teach my children about relationships.
We don’t teach PURITY.
I actively teach my young son to respect me, his sisters, and all other females. It’s not enough to wait until he’s a teen and has been influenced by so many others.
Resources for Discipling Daughters:
- Whatever Girls
- Daring Daughters
- Blog Series from Embracing Destiny
- MOD Squad blog
- 7 Things We Should Tell Our Daughters
- 10 Things Girls Should Study
- Beauty in the Heart Bible Study from Doorposts
- More To Be ministry and blog
“Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you…”
Be strong.
These are some of my favorite books about parenting girls.
Linking up: Blogghetti, Life of Faith,Our Mini Family, Squishable Baby, Timeless Mama. Modest Mom, Our Holiday Journey, Darling Downs Diaries, My Little Shop of Treasures, Home Stories A to Z, Teaching What is Good, LouLou Girls, April Harris, Live Randomly Simple, Life on Oak Hill, Inspiration for Moms, Meghan Weyerbacher, Purposeful Faith, Create with Joy, God Sized Dreams, MaryAndering Creatively, Holley Gerth, Wise Woman, Jessi’s Design, Soaring with Him, Breakthrough Homeschooling, Jaime Wiebel, Sarah Frazer, Jennifer Dukes Lee, The Pram Shed, Our Three Peas, Gingersnap Crafts, Ducks in a Row, Sincerely Paula, Imparting Grace, Crystal Storms, Debbie Kitterman, Mommynificent, Be Thee Inspired, Penny’s Passion, Katherine’s Corner, Organized 31, Life Beyond the Kitchen, Creative K Kids, Brenda Bradford Dottinger, Bountiful Love, Home Crafts by Ali, Simply Sweet Home, Life with Lorelai, Cup of Tea,RCH Reviews, Momfessionals, Blended Blog, Create with Joy, Charm of Home, Lyli Dunbar, Crystal Waddell, Counting My Blessings, Arabah Joy, Easy Peasy Pleasy, The Answer is Chocolate, Being a Wordsmith, Coffee with Us3, The Quiet Homemaker, Chic on a Shoestring, Our Mini Family,
We’re no where near this (even though it scared me to think about) but its so good to bookmark. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and references!
Our kids really do grow up quickly these days, and it is hard to teach Christian values in the modern world. I’m so glad you shared this post with us at the Hearth and Soul Link Party, Jen.
Thank you for sharing with Grace and Truth Christian Link-Up. It is hard to raise our children up in this society and them not be tinged by the world. I pray for you and your children. Thank you for listing out some wonderful resources.
It is so much difficult these days, altho I remember my mom trying to keep her standards for all of us girls. There is no guarantee, however, no matter how much we train and teach and pray. Our kids will choose their own path, and we just keep praying!
So very true Sue!!!
I think it has always been hard to raise children, but this world not with all of the technology really makes it tough. You are only with your children so much. And at some post, they reach an age where they plot their own path. You can raise two children the same and one will grow up to be a preacher and the other complete trouble! Each of mine is so different. I do the best that I know how, with God’s help, and then pray…A lot!!!
Thanks for linking up @LiveLifeWell!
Blessings,
Amy
AMEN! It IS possible! It starts at home with prayer. I have 3 children who are past the “tween” years, and not one of them has been defiant and disrespectful, like is portrayed in the movies. My children are respectful, and kind, and good. Not perfect- but genuinely good. There is always hope!!
What a great topic! Yes, I believe it is possible too to raise children who fear the Lord. It takes your example and prayer. People are so lost right now and the devil is waiting at every turn to trip you up. Thanks for sharing at Home Sweet Home!
I really believe in bringing my daughter up to respect herself and know her self worth. It’s just so important in a world where girls are told they aren’t good enough for them to feel strong enough and supported that they can be themselves and set their own path. Thanks for linking up to #fortheloveofBLOG
Preach it, girl!!! I agree wholeheartedly, and I think most of these thoughts every single Sunday! Great to have you link up at Booknificent Thursday on Mommynificent.com this week!
Tina
Great post! Well thought out and presented. I have sons and a daughter and I agree wholeheartedly with your admonition to stay strong as parents without lowering our expectations through parenting. We saw many parents sort of give way to the culture of teenagers and their “normative” behavior. Our kids thought we were weird as we tried to keep strong boundaries for them. In the end, God granted grace and we are glad we held to our mindset.
I ‘caught’ my youngest playing with her Playmobil toys the other day. She is 12. I sat on her bed and chatted with her for a few minutes then left her to play quietly. As I walked down the hall, I thanked the Lord that she still has the innocence of a child. She can still play with her toys and not worry about being teased – and I am so thankful that her 2 besties are exactly the same way!
I agree that our culture has come to expect that tweens/teens will be rebellious and defiant – and when we have such expectations, then what will we end up getting? Defiant and rebellious kids. Why are we cursing them like that? I was beginning to feel like the ‘weird one’ because I am really the only one in my circle that is fighting against expectations like that! I tell people that it is possible to have respectful, caring, compassionate, obedient tweens/teens. I have 3 pieces of evidence for that truth in my home right now.
I could go on and on here – adding my own blog post to yours, Jennifer;) But I won’t! Thanks for linking up with Grace and Truth – it’s always a pleasure to read your posts.
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