When I was younger, I didn’t have much guidance for my future beyond doing well in school and getting a decent job.
And I wasn’t even really sure what that entailed. Good grades and lots of money was what I assumed.
I wasn’t actively taught much at home or in school about relationships, finances, stress, or anything actually important that currently seeps its way into my subconscious and lurks with criticisms and less-than reminders every single waking moment.
My parents wobbled between totally hands-off and stifling authoritarianism, depending on the situation.
I ran absolutely wild through the neighborhood from about 4 years old on up after school and summers, but I seldom had any friends over to my house for a meal or sleepover or playtime, and not ever if my dad was home. I’ve never had many friends, but I’ve had lots of acquaintances over the years who came and went.
My parents only ever intervened at school maybe three times in 13 years. The rest of the time I was on my own to work out any issues with bullies, inept teachers, politicized and uncaring administrators, groping boys, and weird parents.
While I realize that having been left to myself, I developed character and learned a lot about how to solve problems, but I think I’d like to be a little more involved and proactive with my family.
While there are gazillions of articles, blog posts, books, and videos dictating rules and regulations, and shoulds and shouldn’ts, I think we all have to set our own values and goals. We’re bombarded with so much information that sounds like authority, but if we don’t hold any of it to any standard, we will fail and collapse with information overload.
What’s your standard?
My standard is the Bible.
As a Christian wife and mom, I hold up everything to the standard of Scripture. If it doesn’t fit with my worldview, then it’s not for my family.
This is true for books and TV shows and movies.
This is true for friends.
This is true for activities.
If anything takes away from or somehow doesn’t align with my values and goals, then it’s not for us.
How do we find our focus?
Discovering our personal values and setting goals for our families should be accompanied with much prayer and discussion with our spouse.
If you’re not pleased with your home life, then take a good look at where your priorities lie. Maybe it’s time for an evaluation and some changes.
Focus in Faith
We spent many years trying to determine our beliefs. My husband grew up Presbyterian, which meant he attended Sunday school as a child and that was about it. I never attended church except with my grandma 2-3 times a year or with friends who occasionally invited me.
I knew I wanted to raise my children with a strong faith foundation.
We teetered from Presbyterian to Baptist and tottered back to Presbyterian and then to Lutheran.
It’s often difficult to find a temporary church home when we move around so frequently.
Focus in Family
My children are my priority.
This means that I limit my social engagements. I don’t work or volunteer outside the home.
I don’t overschedule our family, so we’re seldom stressed. We like a peaceful home atmosphere.
I enjoy being with my kids. I enjoy teaching them and working with them and everything in between.
I seldom go anywhere without my kids.
Focus in Education
Homeschooling is my calling.
I don’t rely on videos, DVDs, games, other people, or the government to educate my children.
We read books together. We learn together.
I delight in my children learning new concepts.
I make time for art, nature study, music, and each of my children’s interests in addition to the math, Latin, history, and science we learn. Academics aren’t everything. Life is our education.
Focus in Friends
We’re very choosy about who we spend time around.
This is probably our prickliest topic.
While I don’t need a lot of social interation and rarely trust people, I know my husband and at least two of my children crave social stuff.
So, I make sure to provide opportunities to feed their social butterflies.
Focus for the Future
We are active planners for the future.
This includes financial planning and also teaching concepts my children will need in certain situations, like what to do regarding:
suspicious strangers,
bullying,
rude questions, requests, or touches from adults,
advances from peers of the opposite (or same) sex,
emergency training,
car maintenance,
kitchen safety,
fire safety, and more.
I want my kids to have open conversations with me. I want them to feel safe discussing anything with me. And I want them prepared for social interations or life situations that might become unsafe.
Michele Morin says
Amazing how a commitment to Christ brings all the many strands of our selves together!
Brittany says
Great focuses. You picked the right ones. I’m glad you brought this up because I’d like to talk with my husband this evening about which things are most important and how to choose outlet focus.
Debbie Putman says
Whenever the primary focus is God and His Word, everything else falls into place. Thank you for these insights. Joining you from Testimony Tuesday
Jennifer Dodrill @ All-In-One-Mom says
I love this! Definitely makes me think and reevaluate. Like you, I don’t need too much social interaction, but my youngest sure does. It’s a balance. Thanks for your honesty!
bethany mcilrath says
The Bible is the standard- amen. What a great focus to have!
Susan Shipe says
The Word of God is by far the very best STANDARD. And, without a standard? A culture perishes.
Rachel Britton says
Sounds like you went through a lot on your own as a child, but how wonderful that faith is now your foundation for your family and the Bible is your standard. My husband and I made a decision too that faith would be the foundation for our family. We took the verses: “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”Joshua 24:15 Now my children are young adults, this decision is still as important for our family.
Sarah Koontz says
Focus is such an important factor in our lives. I love how you shared your most important focus words with us…Faith, Family, Friends, Education…etcetera. We don’t have time to be wanderers here on earth, and I love how each and every focus point was preceded by a focus on God’s word as truth and the ultimate guide for all. Blessings will abound as you seek to live a life focused on God’s truth and His unique calling for you and yours.
Lori says
This is amazing, Jennifer. Everything we do should be under the focus on Jesus. I love it! Thanks for sharing with Thankful Thursdays.
KellyRBaker says
I agree that we all have to set our own values. We have been talking about that at church lately. What do you value? And then it should permeate every part of your life. Sounds like that is exactly what you have been doing. Great way to focus!
Kelsey says
Yes, it’s all about the foundation! Looking back at my childhood, I appreciate many of the choices my parents made but I do wish this firm foundation in Christ had been well… more firm in our household. Thanks for sharing your story!
Lori Schumaker says
It is so good to determine your focus and then stick to it! Just as a mission statement. What doesn’t fit, doesn’t stay! I admire all that you have worked through in life to get to this healthy place! God is good!
Thank you for sharing this hope at #MomentsofHope!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Rachel @ Smart Mom Smart Ideas says
Love this post. Featuring at Mom-to-Mom Mondays! Thanks for sharing.
Julie says
You’re right that setting the right goals and finding focus in your actions is so important. Thanks for linking up to gratitude and goals :)