Jennifer Lambert

A Sacred Balance

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Halloween with Teens

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This last year and a half has been difficult and with the stress of living through a global pandemic, I realize my kids are growing up and outgrowing some fun kids activities right under my nose.

Autumn is my favorite time of year.

We didn’t go trick or treating for Halloween last year, even though lots of our neighbors did. We didn’t turn on our light or set out candy and the kids and I cringed every time our doorbell rang anyway. I worried we would get egged or TP’ed or some other vandalism, but we were trying to follow health guidelines in spite of everyone else. It was a long, rough night.

We tried to celebrate Christmas last year and make it special. I love having teens and watching them grow, but it is bittersweet seeing the last semblance of their childhoods fade away.

It looks like this year will be more of the same. I’m sad and I’m seeking ways to make our average days special and give us all something to look forward to. We are all depressed and worried and stressed and wondering if there will be an end in sight for the pandemic and tragic world events.

We did attend a few outdoor events when we thought it might become safer – before it was a reality that the Delta variant and COVID were still rampant. We are lucky we are healthy.

We’re still quarantining while it seems much of the rest of the world is moving on, going “back to normal.”

Two of my daughters have had close calls with coworkers and friend’s family members testing positive.

My son hardly eats as fall baseball is canceled and he has lost any social interaction we were able to continue. I have watched my happy go lucky little boy turn into a sad-eyed young man in a year.

Our kids will never fully recover from the stress of this era, most of which was preventable.

I’m desperate to find activities we can do in our home as a family that keep us occupied, take our minds off the catastrophes for a little while.

Halloween with Teens

My kids actually like being together and I love to see it!

How do we create opportunities to look forward to something?

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Slow Cooker Meals

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With autumn and cooler temperatures, we also tend to be busier with fall activities.

Slow cooker meals are a staple at least once a week so we have a nice hot meal that anyone can eat when they’re ready for their dinner on busy nights.

I really do love to cook, so I don’t use many appliances that do the job for me. I don’t have any of the trendy tools that the pandemic made even more popular. I am kind of a snob in the kitchen and a bit old-fashioned.

I have had our slow cooker since I received it as a wedding gift and it’s lovely. I use it mainly to roast meats and make stews.

I also like to make meat stock for the freezer, and we often can applesauce and marinara sauce.

Our favorite slow cooker meals

Asian Pork Ribs

We like to buy meaty country ribs for easy Asian pork ribs. I serve with rice and a vegetable, sometimes salad too.

Pulled Pork

I buy a small pork butt, bone in, and cook it long on low, for about 12 hours. Sometimes, I do the Dr. Pepper recipe, but often, I just cover with our special dry BBQ seasoning and liquid smoke. We pull it apart and serve on wheat buns with cheese and sides like fries, cole slaw, baked beans.

Stewed Pork

Chile verde: Cube pork tenderloin. Sear in fat. Add carrots and onions, a can of jalapeno peppers or chopped fresh jalapeno peppers, and a jar of salsa verde. Cook on low for about 6 hours. Great in tortillas or as a stew.

Taco Chicken

Boneless chicken parts with a jar of salsa, cooked for about 5 hours on low. Sometimes, I add a can of corn and a can of beans. This can easily turn into a lovely soup with some chicken stock. I usually serve over rice or with tortillas or as taco salad. It’s versatile and a crowd favorite.

Whole Roast Chicken

It’s easy to roast a chicken in a slow cooker! I usually place breast down so it stays moist. Season with garlic and salt or lemon pepper. I don’t add any liquid. I cook on high for about 4 hours or until thermometer reads 165. Sometimes, I broil it in the oven to crisp up the skin. The leftover liquid makes a lovely gravy.

Chicago Beef

A chuck roast goes a long way with some Italian seasoning, cooked about 6 hours on low. I don’t even add any liquid except maybe a dash of Worcestershire sauce. Chopped or pulled on wheat hoagie rolls with cheese and sautéed veggies, this is a family favorite.

Pot Roast

My husband grew up with a simple pot roast using onion soup mix and I often make this. Other times, I make the sauce from scratch with fresh herbs and a dark beer. I love lots of root veggies. Makes a great leftover minestrone soup with beans and noodles! I usually buy a lovely chuck roast at our local butcher or the commissary.

I set it on low for about 6 hours. I usually have to thicken the gravy on the stovetop.

Stewed Beef

I have a few ways I make stewed beef.

Burgundy beef tips: I season the meat and dredge in flour and sear in fat with onions, celery, and carrots. I pour in some red wine and beef stock and simmer on low for about 5 hours. This is great over noodles or rice.

Traditional beef stew: I season and flour the beef and sear in fat. I pour in a dark beer with root veggies and set it on low for 6 hours and forget it.

Stroganoff is easy! I just add sour cream or cream cheese to the beef stew gravy.

Goulash: I add tomatoes, tomato sauce, and paprika.

Asian beef: I add soy sauce, brown sugar, mirin, black pepper, garlic, ginger, onions, and a little bit of sesame oil with cornstarch and cook on low for about 5 hours. I serve over rice with veggies.

Irish Stew

We love Irish stew all year long. Cubed lamb dredged in flour and sugar, seared in fat, then I pour in a Guinness or red wine with herbs. I add root veggies and cook on low for about 6 hours. I sometimes have to thicken the gravy.

Swiss Steak

I love Swiss steak, but my husband does not. I like to dredge in flour and sear round steak and smother in onions, bell peppers, and tomatoes. Cook on low for about 6 hours.

Roast Ham

This is a great way to free up oven space during holiday times too!

I pour cola or Riesling wine over the ham and glaze with mustard, brown sugar or maple syrup, and pumpkin pie spices. Cook on low about 6 hours or until thermometer says 145.

My favorite tools:

In the past, I have made breakfast casserole and bread pudding in my slow cooker for breakfasts. It’s really very versatile, especially when feeding a crowd or when the oven and stovetop is needed or when I’m very busy or away from home.

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What are your favorite slow cooker foods?

Linking up: Eclectic Red Barn, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Mostly Blogging, Create with Joy, Random Musings, Pam’s Party, Grammy’s Grid, Pinch of Joy, Life and Linda, Jenerally Informed, Across the Blvd, InstaEncouragements, LouLou Girls, Suburbia, Shelbee on Edge, Thistle Key Lane, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Ducks in a Row, Ridge Haven, Modern Monticello, Scratch Made Food, Wordsmith, Cottage Market, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, OMHG, Pieced Pastimes, CWJ, Miz Helen, Hubbard Home, Stroll Thru Life, Soaring with Him, Anchored Abode, Penny’s Passion, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Debbie Kitterman, Imparting Grace, Slices of Life, Moment with Franca, Silverado,

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Celebrating Autumn

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September is a time to welcome harvest, say goodbye to summer for good even if temps are still warm, welcoming fall.

I think everyone has a favorite season and I have always loved autumn, the scents or decaying leaves, the breezes that transition into crisp licks from summer warmth. I look forward to boots and sweaters and all the beautiful colors.

It seems that summer continues longer and then Halloween keeps creeping up, so I have barely a few days to actually enjoy autumn.

I love setting out my ceramic pumpkins on the brick hearth and my little velvet ones on the mantle. I switch out my front door wreath to one with leaves and pinecones. I have fall tablecloths and towels.

Celebrate the Autumnal Equinox around the 23rd of September.

The word equinox is from Latin, meaning “equal night.” 

The autumn equinox is called Mabon, or Second Harvest, is one of the sacred Celtic celebrations, which date back to ancient times. It’s a time to give thanks for the summer and to pay tribute to the coming darkness.

Thanksgiving, the Moon Festival, Higan, Sukkot, Diwali, and many other fall festivals also hit upon themes of light, darkness, change, plenty, gratitude, and community.

According to legend, a feathered serpent deity named Kukulcan visits the Maya city of Chichen Itza every equinox. On both the vernal and autumnal equinox, crowds gather to watch as a snake-like shadow slides down the god’s namesake pyramid.

Fall festivals of the equinox often involve themes:

  • balancing opposites, especially the scientific, aesthetic, and symbolic senses of light and darkness in balance
  • food, plenty, and gratitude
  • building and celebrating community through sharing food and labor
  • preparing for winter practically, emotionally, and spiritually

Celebrating Autumn

Apples are a great September theme.

Pomona was a Roman goddess who was the keeper of orchards and fruit trees.

Here are a few verses perfect for Autumn (from A Beautiful Childhood):

  • Harvest. This is a sweet poem that you can bring to life with some simple actions: “Blow, wind, blow! and go, mill, go! that the miller may grind his corn; that the baker may take it, and into bread make it, and bring us a loaf in the morn. When the wind drops, so the mill stops; when the wind blows, so the mill goes, going: ‘clickety-clacketyclickety-clackety-clickety-clacketyclickety-clack.”
  • Seeds. Tell this poem slowly whilst doing actions with your hands: “A little seed for me to sow, a little earth to make it grow, a little dig, a little pat, a little wish, and that is that. A little sun, a little shower, a little wait, and then… a flower!”
  • Wind / leaves. There are so many similar to this but I love this one, again it could easily be brought to life with a few simple hand gestures: “Come, little leaves,” said the wind one day; Come over the meadows with me and play; Put on your dresses of red and gold; For summer is gone, and the days grow cold. Soon as the leaves heard the wind’s loud call, Down they came fluttering, one and all; Over the fields they danced and flew, Singing the soft little songs they knew. Dancing and whirling the little leaves went; Winter had called them and they were content; Soon, fast asleep in their earthy beds, The snow laid a coverlet over their heads.”
  • Apples. You can cut an apple in half to see the “star” inside and tell this poem / sing this song:  “My nice red rosy apple, has a secret hid unseen. You’d see if you could slip inside, five rooms so neat and clean. In each room there are living, two pips so shiny bright. Asleep they are a-dreaming, of lovely warm sunlight. And sometimes they are dreaming, of things that are to be. For soon they will be hanging, upon a Christmas tree.”

Books

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What’s your favorite thing about autumn?

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What if I die?

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My parents had me pretty late for the times. They were 35 in 1976, had been married for about thirteen years. They were set in their ways. I was unwelcome as an upset to the schedule even though they assure me I was desperately wanted.

I have mourned my parents since I was about eight years old. I worried about what would happen to me if my parents died before I was 18. I knew in a macabre sense that I would forever have no one to help me and it would be super hard when my parents got older.

Being an only child of aging parents is tough.

It’s been a long time since I lived nearby and the relationship has never been anything but toxic.

Sixteen years is a long time to live away and only have a few emails to maintain a relationship that’s passive aggressive at best and narcissistic at worst. The most recent email was an admonishment from my mother that she doesn’t know my kids, doesn’t talk to them, only knows what I tell her. She doesn’t even pay attention to what I tell her and seldom comments on any pictures I send. Why must I make all the effort?

My parents ignored me in a little tantrum for several months last year and I worried: how would I even know if they got sick or injured?

It makes me sad and also a little bit scared.

My parents turn 80 next year. They live in a HUGE 3-story house and are still independent, but I wonder how long that will last and what could happen in a blink of an eye. They’re vaccinated, but they live in Georgia and there aren’t any protections in place and they live as though we are not in an international crisis.

Time is running out for healing a broken relationship.

What if I get COVID-19?

I never thought I would really have to plan or worry about what would happen to my family if my husband or I get chronically ill, hospitalized, or died. I mean, we plan for these possibilities with wills, POA, legal paperwork, insurance, investments. We surely hope it never has to be used while the children are young. But the reality with COVID-19 and the political climate means that I have to think about it more as a probability.

Our will states my parents and my husband’s two sisters as next of kin, but that doesn’t ease my mind at all. My parents are old and my husband’s sisters have their own busy families. None of these people share my values at all.

While I feel assured my family would be ok long-term because of our financial planning, that doesn’t help me with the thoughts of how would they cope emotionally and psychologically or in the short-term.

My husband and I, and our three older kids, are all vaccinated and wear masks when we leave the house.

My husband works full-time, in a medical laboratory facility. He’s frontline and knows the statistics and risks. I’ve been very frightened for years what he could be exposed to or bring home. We did get H1N1 a couple years ago, even with the flu shot.

I’m the one who usually goes to the stores to buy groceries. I’m putting myself at risk every time I leave the house. Yes, I know I could use pickup or delivery services, but that has other issues. My greatest fear is asphyxiation. The thought of me contracting a deadly respiratory virus and possibly being hospitalized and intubated while quarantined, isolated, and alone is terrifying to me. I lie awake at night considering if I might have been exposed. Is that cramp the beginning? Did I just feel a tiny shortness of breath? Is my chest tightening? Is this COVID or anxiety or allergies? Will I be ambulanced away or dropped off at the ER and not be able to say goodbye to my family? The irony of my functional depression and constant suicide ideation is not lost on me as I realize I don’t want to die…like that.

I have food anxiety and constantly worry about stocking up on essentials and stress about my kids eating healthy meals and having snacks and enough sports drinks to stay hydrated. I worry even more what would happen if they had to somehow fend for themselves for a long period of time if I got sick or had to be hospitalized.

I’m terrified of my kids contracting the virus. How do we quarantine one in our house so the rest are safe? What if I have to leave my child alone in the hospital?

While my eldest is on her own, working fulltime and living with friends, she is still in a liminal space in her young life and I worry constantly about her wellbeing. A coworker just tested positive and my daughter caught a bad cold and we all held our breath until her COVID test showed “no detection.”

We have always homeschooled. My middle kids will be on the cusp of completing their academics and approaching graduation time in the next two years. While there is still a lot of paperwork for the state and hoops to jump through for them to enter college early, I don’t have so many worries about their education.

My son is only 11 and cannot be vaccinated yet. We’re planning a freaking family birthday party at our local drugstore for when he turns 12 and can get the shot. I’m only sort of joking.

The kids lost their neighborhood friends when some continued to play together while we were in lockdown and one teen boy decided it was the perfect time to inform us that all Muslims are terrorists and all LGBTQ will go to hell.

I worry how he would survive in a school environment or how he could continue homeschooling if something happened to his dad or me. How would his siblings be able to help or handle it?

We were never meant to live in perpetual crisis.

I chose to settle in suburbia so my kids could grow up in safety and peace and have a little nature to play in like I did when I was a child.

I feel lost, alone, scared, betrayed.

I can’t protect my kids from a society intent on killing its less valuable citizens.

I am enraged by people living in complacency or outright denial that there is a vast plague affecting the vulnerable populations around the world. I cannot fathom that governments and individuals really think it’s acceptable to sacrifice children, elderly, others who are most at risk of contracting and getting very ill or dying from this virus.

We are witnessing the collapse of our society like the slow motion fall of Rome while too many people cry that they just want to “return to normal” because that was comfortable for them and they benefited too well from that normal that was anything but normal for many.

We have the opportunity to improve our society, and correct past wrongs that have been highlighted by the too brief COVID shutdowns, but that seems like a fleeting pipe dream as we realize our rights are being reneged after decades, people are evicted and homeless and jobless, schools aren’t updating nor protecting our young, and we’re sacrificing our disrespected elderly to the gods of capitalism.

I am horrified but also feel paralyzed and helpless.

While I do believe that one person can help make a difference, I feel like a tiny teardrop in a bucket full of holes.

Too many financially stable and comfortable people who do care just a little only want to donate a little money or their used clothes and closet cleanouts and feel better about themselves, like that really helps anyone who needs help.

The social media posts from naysaying parents who don’t want their kids “controlled by politics, having to wear masks in school, nor live in fear” are just raising another generation of selfish and hateful people. My daughter takes a gymnastics class with a friend whose sister has COVID. Contact tracing and waiting and quarantine has us all in a panic, as we monitor every sniffle, sneeze, scratch in the throat.

I am perhaps not as shocked as I could be that many Christians are living like they’re going to be rescued by God despite not taking any precautions and showing their disdain for everyone else who is. I don’t think that’s the way it works. A deadly virus not a bipartisan or religious issue.

Vaccine mandates are really bringing out the worst in some people. They would rather quit their jobs than get a shot. And some of these people are in service and health industries, which makes me even sadder.

I am infuriated by all the people traveling, vacationing, going to church, concerts, and restaurants – like everything is not literally on fire and people are dying. They live in a different world.

I don’t want to see the fucking selfish blog posts and social media images of the beach vacations or restaurant dining. These people are putting everyone at risk as they pretend everything is fine.

I am disgusted by social media images of 13 beers on restaurant tables with cheerfully unmasked diners – as our children are hospitalized while politicians ridicule and deny anyone who fears a deadly virus and also refusing refugees any humanity and taking away human rights from women. My grandfather, father, and husband didn’t put on a uniform and serve their country for a publicity stunt.

People confuse patriotism with nationalism and only pick and choose who they deem worthy of honor.

We need systemic changes.

Linking up: Pinch of Joy, House on Silverado, Grammy’s Grid, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, Anchored Abode, Suburbia, InstaaEncouragements, April Harris, Pam’s Party, Shelbee on the Edge, LouLou Girls, Mostly Blogging, Jenerally Informed, OMHG, Pieced Pastimes, LEO Wife, Thistle Key Lane, Ridge Haven, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Ducks in a Row, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Penny’s Passion, Debbie Kitterman, Imparting Grace, Slices of Life, Cottage Market, Being a Wordsmith, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Cottage Market, Hubbard Home, Modern Monticello, Simply Beautiful, Create with Joy,

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Consent

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Teaching consent to our kids is one of the most important lessons.

We should begin practicing and teaching consent with babies, but it’s never too late.

Gentle and respectful parenting is about consent and respecting kids as the people they are – with needs, preferences, and desires just like adults.

Even though I had little autonomy as a child, teen, or even young adult, I want to do better with my kids and model and teach them consent in all their relationships.

I didn’t do the greatest as a gentle parent until about ten years ago, so my eldest got the brunt of my outgrowing my own childishness and trauma. My middle two kids don’t have much memory of the bad times and my youngest is the healthiest by far.

Consent and control cannot coexist.

I find myself constantly reevaluating how I can show respect to my children.

I have edited and updated my blog and social media to exclude photos and stories about my children than they would rather I not share. I don’t post photos of my kids without their consent anymore. I do not share explicit stories about my kids’ troubles or our family troubles without clearing it with my family first. Yes, I think some info is helpful to others who may face the same issues, but it’s a touchy subject and I should use discretion.

Kids are not a hashtag nor should they be exploited online for clicks, likes, clout.

What does teaching and modeling consent look like?

Pets

Having pets or access to pets is a great way to model and teach consent. Animals surely let us know when they are done with us or don’t like something.

We teach even our youngest kids how to gently pet the cat, to be quiet and less sudden so as not to scare the cat. Kids learn about pets’ eating and bathroom habits and how to leave them alone to do that. This is easily transferrable to people and respecting their space.

Some pets are more anxious than others and it’s important not to leave very young kids alone with animals, even if you think you know them well.

Infants

Since infants don’t have any autonomy and can only make eye contact and sounds, it’s important to speak to our babies and narrate what we are doing to their bodies so they can begin to understand that we care for them with love and respect.

We can gently tell our babies that we are picking them up so they associate the words with the action. We can inform them that it is time for a diaper change. We can explain that we need to gently wipe nose, mouth, face. We can make it a game to undress or dress for bathtime or changing time as we talk about body parts that we tuck into sleeves or massage with oils.

Toddlers

This is probably a difficult time but oh, so important to model and discuss consent.

Toddlers learn and love the word, “No!” and use it often. It’s very upsetting to buckle a child into a carseat when she doesn’t want to do that.

We teach that NO is never a game. No means NO. We stop tickling or wrestling or playing and we teach new ways to play games like Freeze Tag or Red Light Green Light without making No a game or funny word.

Many times, the toddler doesn’t want to stop what he’s doing to get the diaper changed. We have to give firm choices of only two options like, now or after this song. We can explain that it’s important for health and everyone’s happiness that carseats are always used and diapers are changed. We as adults might need to be more flexible and allow more time or change of plans if the child is unwilling or needs to wait.

Kids know if they’re hot or cold and it’s wise to take extra clothing along just in case. And they will often realize they need that coat or hat after all in a few minutes. Children know when they’re hungry so it’s wise not to coax them to eat more and not listen to their bodies. When they get sleepy, it’s often needed to be patient and close by with young kids who are learning how to self-soothe. We can give kids agency by offering choices like what story to read at bedtime or what snack to have.

Much of consent with toddlers is teaching the concepts of body, space, and touch. Also, showing empathy to kids and modeling emotional intelligence instead of distracting from healthy emotions, even if we as a society view those feelings as negative or uncomfortable. When a child falls or gets hurt, we can express that we understand. We are here. We permit the tears so they can move on from the pain, whether physical or embarrassment or both.

Elementary

Once kids reach school age, it’s easier to communicate and impart another’s viewpoint. Kids are naturally empathetic and want to please.

Kids need to learn the difference between secrets and surprises. We have to model and teach safety to young kids so they know there should be no secrets. Teaching kids blind obedience opens up ways for abuse if they have no outlet to question or negotiate. Bodies are our own and we don’t owe anyone hugs, kisses, fist bumps, handshakes, or any contact at all. As parents, we must protect our kids from overreaching family members and friends who do not understand this.

Kids learn personal space and respect by seeing it modeled by the adults they trust. Teaching boundaries is essential. Learning about tone of voice and body language becomes important.

I speak firmly and clearly to my kids when I need a moment and they learn that I am nearby and they are safe. They learn that people have needs to be alone or together, quiet or loud, at different times.

Interruptions are harsh for kids, so it’s wise to give warnings about cleaning up and getting ready a few minutes beforehand. I also like to help my kids with overwhelming chores so they don’t feel so lost and get discouraged.

Tweens

Please do not wait until kids are over ten to discuss sex ed. This should be an ongoing conversation and surely kids are curious about some aspects as young as toddlers and preschoolers. If you have triggers or hangups about sex, you need to work to overcome that so you can discuss the hard topics with your kids.

Consent is so much more than just about sex.

Even if the concept of consent is newer to you or you didn’t model it so well with the kids when they were younger, you can make up for the lost time and start anew.

I’m learning and growing alongside my kids and reading, reading, reading so much as preview and with my kids now.

It’s important to be open to messy conversations about relationships, dating, and sex. It’s certainly time to discuss sexual harassment and assault. We need to discuss substance use and abuse and its role in consent.

We can practice responses about boundaries so kids have an internal script.

We watch shows together that often have cringey scenes and we discuss why and what should be different. They don’t really like to see violence or sex on screen and I try to brace them if the show is still good enough and only has a few scenes that forward the story line.

Teens

It’s go time.

Everything we have done as parents is now being tested out in the real world. We cannot be there as a protective parent all the time anymore, and that is oh, so scary.

Teens are exploring and navigating relationships outside the family, with friends and potential significant others.

It’s important that we as parents stand by as guides and not judges. By building trust, we are here to help our teens work out issues in their relationships and help them make wise decisions.

Consent isn’t just for straight boys. We need to help our kids understand the importance of consent in all their interactions and relationships. It’s about more than just sex.

We need to have hard conversations with our kids and if sex cannot be discussed with proper words for body parts and functions, then no one should be doing it.

There needs to be clear verbal consent each and every time there is any intimacy.

It might be a good time for self-defense classes.

Adults

The human brain isn’t fully developed until about age 25.

Hopefully, young adults grow in wisdom and respect and model healthy relationships to those around them.

With so many different kinds of relationships being acceptable, it’s super important to be clear with consent and boundaries.

I’m still modeling consent and having conversations with my eldest child who is about to turn 21.

I’m rather glad I don’t have to navigate the dating scene anymore and I’m worried for my four kids and what they may encounter and how they can handle it.

As parents, we need to protect young ones from overreaching adults – family members, friends, and acquaintances who may overstep and demand contact that our kids aren’t interested or ready for. Our kids don’t owe anyone access to their bodies – not grandpa, grandma, aunts, uncles, or the elderly at church.

I’ve found myself becoming hyper-aware of adults invading kids’ space. Why did the eye doctor have to lean on my child’s knee to adjust the equipment or touch my son’s shirt in jest to make his inappropriate joke? I also notice when adults are very respectful and I make sure to thank them.

It’s important to set boundaries and continue to communicate clearly about needs.

Hopefully, we can help the next generations do even better with consent.

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Resources:

What does consent look like in your family?

Linking up: House on Silverado, Pinch of Joy, Eclectic Red Barn, Grammy’s Grid, Random Musings, Suburbia, Stroll Thru Life, Shelbee on the Edge, Across the Blvd, LouLou Girls, Jenerally Informed, OMHG, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Create with Joy, Thistle Key Lane, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Ducks in a Row, Anchored Abode, InstaEncouragements, Penny’s Passion, Eclectic Red Barn, Ridge Haven, Slices of Life, Try it Like it, Soaring with Him, Answer is Choco, Imparting Grace, Busy Being Jennifer, Being a Wordsmith, Pieced Pastimes, Momfessionals, Mostly Blogging,

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Relaxed Homeschool Schedule

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When I began homeschooling my eldest back in 2005, I thought we needed lots of structure, routine, and a strict schedule. We were coming out of a school mindset and it took a while to learn how to relax and plan and live the homeschool life.

We’ve shifted our schedule so many ways over the years with babies, toddlers, moving across the country and world. There were years when I tutored to make some extra money. I’ve provided my kids with reading lists, daily and weekly checklists, worksheets. We have homeschooled year round most years and other years, taken a long summer break. Some years, we only have a few weeks of a summer break or just a very short, vague transition into a new history cycle.

We have probably done everything in the name of productivity.

I’m more about prioritizing rest and being stress-free these days. I don’t want my kids to be anxious over school work, tests, jobs, or anything else that society claims is more important than rest, physical and mental health.

Now that we’ve been educating at home for over sixteen years, it’s pretty streamlined and more comfortable. I do love having big kids and teens who are more independent. My children have a voice in their schedule and education and life and we want to help them budget their time wisely.

Alas, the days when our academics were done before lunch are long gone. Nowadays, we do blocks of academic work with several breaks – in the mornings, before and after lunch, before and after dinner. I’m more interested in flow and the kids having free time to relax and create.

We don’t limit screens. We offer a huge variety of activities and options in our home for creativity, hobbies, and more.

Relaxed Homeschool Schedule

This year, we are focusing on Year 2 in our history cycle.

Morning

I don’t set alarms unless we have appointments. I try not to make appointments in the mornings.

The kids and I wake up whenever we do so naturally.

I provide a hot breakfast every weekday morning. Dad does weekend duty. I have a pot of Yorkshire Gold tea.

I give the cats their little snack inside little mouse toys. I refill the bird feeders. I check the garden. I unload the dishwasher and start laundry.

After everyone is awake and fed, I do read alouds. I usually have a stack of history, literature, living books that I read for each unit of our curriculum.

Depending on how late it is, I have instituted “science time before lunch” to ensure it gets done. They’re each doing a different science, so they have to work more independently and ask for help as needed. If they need to eat first, they know they need to do their science right after lunch. Sometimes, they have questions for Dad later.

We’re flexible.

Afternoon

The kids usually have leftovers or organic semi-homemade ramen for lunch. I usually have a protein smoothie. The kids watch a show or play video games during lunchtime.

I encourage the kids to rest during and after lunch, but not for too long.

Language time is early afternoon. Latin, Greek, Russian, whatever is interesting.

I do have individual reading and writing assignments that the kids are responsible for in history and literature and they have to fit those in how and when they can. I help them budget their time and some weeks, we work through weekends or finish up later or take two weeks if we need it.

The kids have lately asked to do chores for pay and even created little charts for themselves. My son just wants his pay direct to the Pokemon app. The middle kids want theirs direct deposited monthly into their accounts. I love that they’re helping more and learning about money.

The kids have some extracurriculars in late afternoons/early evenings: art class, aerial arts, baseball practice. Saturdays, one takes ice skating lessons. I usually drop the kids off and use that hour to run errands or even get in a quick workout at a nearby park outside. Sometimes, I just sit in the minivan and read.

Evening

Dad usually works on math and some science with the kids when he gets home from work.

I try to have a nice homecooked dinner for the family every night. Some nights are getting difficult with baseball and extracurricular classes. I still make something in the slow cooker or a casserole so everyone can eat when they can.

Friday nights are for homemade pizza and movies.

I like to walk around our neighborhood pond in the evenings. It’s a great way to unwind and I love seeing the birds and bunnies, and sometimes deer.

Bedtime is around ten and all devices are plugged in away from bedrooms and WiFi is turned off by midnight so we sleep better.

I still read to my son a story each night.

Our Schedule Through the Years

What’s your schedule look like?

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How to Make Your Home Feel More Welcoming To Guests

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Creating a house that feels like a home is a lifelong endeavor. Half of the fun of owning your own home is creating an atmosphere that you and your guests feel comfortable in. The home itself is the perfect expression of what you value as a homeowner, be that decor, comfort, color, or a mixture of all three. Letting your taste be expressed while also maintaining a relaxing atmosphere for you and your guests is one of the best ways to decorate your home. If you’re looking for tips on how to create more comfort in your home, this article is for you. 

Keep It Smelling Great 

Even if your house is as beautifully designed as possible, a sour-smelling room will always kill the atmosphere for new guests immediately. Everyone is familiar with the strange house smell, so it’s important to remove this as a potential vibe killer. Old houses, stale smoke, and pet dander are just some of the scents guests pick up on when first entering a home. If you want to avoid the awkward sniffs and questionable looks from guests, it’s a good idea to concentrate on making your home smell and feel pleasant and clean for your guests. If you want to freshen up your home, the first priority should be a deep clean. Deep cleaning the home and adding a whole house air freshener is an excellent option to give your home a wonderful scent without overpowering the senses. Guests will appreciate avoiding unwelcoming smells, and you’ll feel much more comfortable in your home knowing that it looks and smells great to new guests. 

Add a Fresh Coat of Paint 

If you have a big family, you’re likely already aware of how easy it is for the walls to get messy. Paint over a few years old commonly collects scuff marks, dirt, and difficult-to-remove mystery stains. To avoid the dingy look of years old paint, keep your home looking fresh by adding a new coat of paint. It might even be a good time to reconsider your paint choices and opt for a brighter or lighter paint for a fresher and more calming atmosphere in the home. Not only will a fresh paint of coat make your home look and feel cleaner, but it’s a great way to restyle a room on a budget. 

Style With New Decor 

If all else fails and your home still feels like it still needs a sprucing up, it may be time to invest in different decor. Try rearranging your furniture to fit a different style, and create spaces for more people to sit. Depending on the number of guests you usually have over and the kind of activities you’ll engage in with your guests, it may be a good idea to concentrate on the specific rooms that you’ll use the most when guests are over. Have a ton of foodie friends? Concentrate on sprucing up the kitchen and dining room to accommodate more guests. Kitchens, living rooms, and dining rooms are all party favorites, so concentrate your efforts on creating more space where people can flow freely from one room to the other.

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My Daily Must Haves

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I scrolled through several blogger posts about daily must haves.

Most days, I lounge around in comfy clothes and I don’t wear makeup every day.

Thinking about my restful daily schedule, I have a few necessities that make my life healthier and happier.

My Daily Must Haves

Yorkshire Gold Tea

I love my water cooker. I drink two big mugs of Yorkshire Gold Tea every morning with raw sugar and milk.

Google Pixel

I love Google calendar to stay organized with our family of 6. We color code everyone so I know who needs to be where. This phone has a great camera!

iPad Mini

I love the Kindle app and it helps me keep organized with library eBooks and homeschool reading.

Essential Oils

We love our essential oils and I use them for diffusing, tummyaches, headaches, skin ailments, sinus pressure, perfume. My favorite perfume is a blend of neroli and elemi with vanilla.

Vitamins and Supplements

We all take cod liver oil and multivitamins. I love the hair skin and nails blend. We do try to eat well with lots of vegetables, but these supplement our diet and help us have the daily energy we need to be healthy.

Reef Slippers

I love, love, love my Reef flip flops. I have an old pair I wear around indoors during summer and several pretty pairs to wear when I go out.

Brow Gel

I love e.l.f Wow Brow Gel since I’ve noticed I have little white brow hairs! How rude of them to go all Andy Rooney.

What are your daily must haves?

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Confidence

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Years ago, I was searching and wondering if I was on the right path.

My kids were very young. I felt worthless, exhausted, and mostly a failure in all aspects of my life.

I went to university to become an English teacher. I sailed through a master’s in education, then got a job teaching high school English. I was able to teach two semesters of college writing as an adjunct and it was a dream that shattered when we had to move out of state. I never returned for that coveted Ph.D.

I left the world of academia to be a stay at home mom, homeschooling my four kids. To many, I was considered a failure.

I grew up in a time that mere mothers were ridiculed (and I think they still are). The Supermom had to do it all – career, marriage, family, extensive social engagements, church, charity.

It’s too much.

It seemed like so many women had it all together, seemed at peace with their place in life, had a successful life doing whatever they were called to do.

I struggle. I feel like I am fighting something or someone all the time.

It took me many years to figure out my priorities as a parent and homeschool mom. I still have moments, days, weeks, seasons of doubt.

When we first began homeschooling, I made so many mistakes. I didn’t know really how to begin. I looked to other homeschool moms who had perhaps been homeschooled themselves or who had older kids and had been homeschooling them for years.

I questioned everything. I questioned my abilities as a mother and teacher. Even though I had gone to college for education and earned an M.Ed., I didn’t feel confident teaching my own kids for a very long time.

Some wives and mothers I knew who did not homeschool felt the need to speak up about how they thought it should be done. And many homeschool parents criticized me for not doing it their way.

I was criticized for answering the phone during the day or running errands with or without kids in tow. I was told to just get a nanny for the babies so I could be social. Or that I should do more for the kids and less for myself, that I was selfish to want any time or self care.

I’ve been criticized for attending church, not attending church, reading the wrong books or watching the wrong media.

Eyebrows raised over what I did and didn’t let my kids do.

So I’ve been told my entire life that I am just wrong. After so long of being told all these things, I started to believe it. And it wore me down and I got depressed and anxious. Then they want to throw pills at me and tell me it’s all my fault anyway, something wrong with my brain chemistry.

I worried about fitting in with the moms who seemed to have it all together. They look like magazine models and their kids seem perfect and their husbands and parents are proud and doting. Theses moms have lots of friends and social engagements, but somehow seem never rushed or stressed. How did they do it? Why did they do it? It was like Stepford and did I really want to be like that?

Would I ever get to that point of confidence?

After a women’s conference years ago, I met up with a group having breakfast at the airport before flights. I asked a very well-known Christian homeschool mom, author, and speaker if we ever get to that point of…

And she cut me off with an emphatic “NO!”

I was shook at her attitude, her rudeness, her anxiety. This lady is supposed to be a mentor to other wives and moms? Her curated perfection on social media, in her speaking engagements, and in her books seem all lies compared to her real self shown to us in that airport.

Almost ten years later, I want to understand where she was coming from, but I’m not even sure what she meant. That we are always a work in progress? But her delivery overshadowed any lesson she was trying to impart.

Some of the most self-conscious, cynical people I’ve met are self-professed Christians.

Forget about your life situation for a while and pay attention to your life. Your life situation exists in time—your life is now.

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Confidence means many things to different people.

To me, confidence means becoming unashamedly more of myself.

I’ve been told that I appear confident. But they mean intimidating.

Why is it that confident women are considered brash, angry, hostile, arrogant, aggressive?

I am quiet. I am not shy. I am introverted. I do not have social anxiety. I think carefully before I speak. I observe.

I have felt a vast shift since I hit my 40s.

I am less concerned about what people think of me – my appearance, my parenting style, my kids’ dyed hair.

This summer, I bought new clothes that I never felt I could wear before: shorts, sleeveless tops. I am not ashamed of my thighs and arms. I spent most of my youth desperate for my body to change and when it never really did get curvy, I was so disappointed. I’ve never had a flat tummy or a big chest and that combo is unfortunate in our society and both women and men humiliated me for not looking like they thought I should. I’ve had so many ask if I’m pregnant because I’m thin all over but with this round soft tummy. I will never look like a magazine model and that’s ok.

I know that I am not stupid. I am not uneducated, but I still have so much to learn and I try to be humble and not insert myself where I am not wanted or needed. I trust my intuition more now. I made lots of mistakes with my kids and I am making amends now. I am ending generational trauma and healing my own self. I love seeing my kids become who they are meant to be – dyed hair, piercings, tattoos, unique clothing, whatever.

I wasn’t allowed to express myself and it’s good to see my kids live free.

I’m remembering who I am, who I was when I was a little girl, before I got stifled, and I feel more safety to express myself now.

I have long straight mousy blonde hair. I even have a few silver streaks. I’m tired of going to salons where they want to make me look like everyone else. I’d rather have dirty tomato-scented fingernails than have a manicure. I have stretch marks, forehead furrows, a vertical line between my brows, and an indention on the left corner of my mouth. I earned these marks. Why would I want to erase them with Botox?

My first three decades or so brought much anxiety with doubting myself and my circumstances with education debt, job security, marriage failures, pregnancy and motherhood.

I’m tired of the comparison trap. I don’t subscribe to shopping emails or newsletters. I loathe the social media ads. I don’t care about the blogger or influencer recommendations as much as I used to. I see the hot trends that everyone “has to have” and I just don’t really need any of it. I am more confident in myself and my style and personal needs. I actually really hate shopping.

When you do not know who you are, you push all enlightenment off into a possible future reward and punishment system, within which hardly anyone wins.

Richard Rohr, Falling Upward

I do long for more than this mediocre suburban life and maybe I will find it someday.

I do get depressed by events happening in the world and by mean people who only care about themselves.

I’ve streamlined and minimized our life. I am prioritizing rest.

We homeschool based on interests and annual rhythms. I refuse to rush or stress over things I can’t control.

I’m excited by what the next few decades may bring.

I don’t have all the answers and I usually don’t even know what the questions are.

And that’s ok.

As we move into the second half of life, however, we are very often at odds with our natural family and the “dominant consciousness” of our cultures.

Richard Rohr, Falling Upward

Resources:

What does confidence mean to you?

Linking up: Pinch of Joy, Eclectic Red Barn, House on Silverado, LouLou Girls, Keeping it Real, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Mostly Blogging, Create with Joy, Pieced Pastimes, Stroll Through Life, OMHG, Jenerally Informed, Shelbee on Edge, InstaEncouragements, Suburbia, Soaring with Him, Ridge Haven, Ducks in a Row, Ginger Snap, Girlish Whims, Anchored Abode, Fluster Buster, Thistle Key Lane, Jeanne Takenaka, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Debbie Kittmerman, Slices of Life, Imparting Grace, Penny’s Passion, Hubbard Home, Modern Monticello, Simply Beautiful, Being a Wordsmith, Simply Sweet Home, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Embracing Unexpected, CWJ, Fiesta Friday, Shabby Art, Cottage Market, Pam’s Party, Grammy’s Grid,

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Prioritizing Rest

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This last year or so has highlighted so much that is wrong about our individualist society. I grew up with the message that I should work more, harder…push…bigger, better, faster, more. Even to the point of collapse. Mental health be damned. Just push through physical exhaustion or illness. The prosperity gospel perpetuates this mindset – just fake it ’til you make it. It’s dangerous and wrong.

We have witnessed some privileged rich and famous people taking breaks and stepping away from the limelight to protect themselves and set boundaries. It’s a great thing to see them modeling health for the rest of us, but if we as a society cannot allow for rest, it just spotlights the problems even more. We pride ourselves on our self-reliance and grit to our detriment.

Naysayers (and even I at times) wonder at what point do we push on with courage in the face of fear and adversity or just quit? When do we know what to do? Most of us don’t have that luxury – paid time off, savings for vacations, help with responsibilities.

How many people feel trapped by their circumstances and cannot or refuse to rest or quit? We see so much depression, anxiety, disordered eating, and more. What will it take to wake up and make systemic changes?

We live in a rat race society. I refuse to succumb to the hustle.

We have had seasons of rushing and I didn’t like it. We tried to fit in and do all the things – signing our kids up for every activity, volunteering for everything at church, doing, going, hurrying. I didn’t feel safe or content and I think our health suffered with the added stress.

I had to learn how to say no. And NO. is a complete sentence. I had to learn how to discern what we should and could do with our time, protecting our rest, limiting ourselves to what felt safe and sure.

Thankfully, we are in a season we are able to get enough sleep and rest. I don’t have to stay busy all the time.

My youngest is eleven. I remember the days when he was a baby and toddler and seemed never to sleep. I don’t really miss those times. I love having big kids and teens.

How we rest

I wake up naturally most mornings. I don’t like alarms. I don’t like to be rushed. I don’t think success is waking up before dawn, unless that’s natural and normal for someone. I don’t function well in the early morning.

I don’t make appointments for mornings if I can help it.

During summer, my kids each choose a camp realizing they have to plan to go to bed and wake up earlier to get ready.

Every morning, I refill the bird feeders and I sit on my deck with my tea and our two cats, watching the birds and damselflies. I inspect my garden for new blooms and ripe tomatoes. I love birds and gardening.

I make a hot breakfast for my three kids who live at home every weekday morning. My husband has weekend duty.

Most months, the kids and I do read alouds after breakfast.

The kids usually watch Netflix with their lunch of leftovers or homemade ramen.

Afternoons are usually carefree and easy. The kids work on science, history writing, arts and crafts, hiking and exploring, bug watching, reading, baking. I read or clean or run errands. We sometimes go to the library or a park. I try to schedule appointments in the afternoons – dentist, orthodontist, therapy, doctor, vision. My kids are now old enough that they can stay home alone for a couple hours so I can go by myself to my own appointments or just take the one child to their appointment. I don’t like rushing, so I leave with plenty of time to arrive safely without feeling anxious.

The kids have classes a few evenings a week. One does aerial gymnastics twice a week. One has art classes and ice skating. One plays elite baseball.

We try to have dinner together every night. Occasionally, we eat while watching a TV show and Fridays are usually homemade pizza and movie nights. Some nights are difficult to plan, with art, gymnastics, if my son has a baseball game or practice. I don’t like rushed meals. I don’t like having two dinnertimes. We try to have an early dinner (preferable) or a later dinner to accommodate these evenings. Often, on nights we don’t have activities, we go for a walk after dinner or play cards or board games.

While the kids don’t have a specific bedtime, I encourage winding down and getting in bed by about ten at night. I know this is when our bodies are ready for sleep. I feel the natural melatonin kicking in and my body temp lowers and I get sleepy. I teach my kids to listen to their bodies. We try to limit devices and screens before bed, plugging them in outside bedrooms, and turn off the WIFI at bedtime. We prioritize sleep so our kids grow well and perform at their best.

We worked hard to get here, to this place of peace and rest.

9 Types of Rest

  1. time away
  2. permission to not be helpful
  3. something ‘“unproductive”
  4. connection to art and nature
  5. solitude to recharge
  6. a break from responsibility
  7. stillness to decompress
  8. safe space
  9. alone time at home

Resting is doing.

I am not about that capitalist grind. I don’t have a home business. I am not that boss mom or whatever. I realize how incredibly privileged I am to stay home as a mom and teacher. We have worked hard to get to this place.

I am introverted and highly sensitive. I don’t enjoy being busy. I don’t enjoy crowds or excessive noise.

I protect my kids’ time and childhood. We don’t overschedule. I want them to have lots of time to play instead of every moment of their day filled with programs.

I refuse to push my kids with their academics or make them hate their passions and hobbies by attempting entrepreneurship. They have freedom in our homeschool to explore and go at their own pace. They choose to take classes for art or sports or new activities with spaces and tools we don’t have in our home. We are in a place where my young teens can choose to do volunteer work for experience if they desire – since they legally cannot work yet. I don’t think that older teens or young adults should waste their time with unpaid work. Their time is valuable too and they should be paid for work.

My son chooses to do elite baseball and while I am so proud of him and his growth with the sport, I am not thrilled with missed or delayed meals or rushing to pack healthy portable snacks for games in the middle of breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I have stressed about games far from home and how my son will eat if there isn’t a grocery store nearby for me to acquire healthy choices. We observe with dismay the families who choose to eat greasy fast food during game breaks and then their boys play poorly and sluggishly. There are times when my husband has to take our son to practices or games and I have to take another of our children to a class or appointment. I can’t be everywhere at once.

My middle kids are in high school and I refuse to stress them out with tests, driving lessons, college prep, part time jobs, or volunteering. I offer them opportunities so they can make choices. I coach and guide and answer questions. I do so much research. I am constantly telling my kids to protect their time. I teach them to say no and manage their schedules wisely. There will be time enough for them to stress later. I don’t want to add any anxiety.

My eldest is on her own and I am sad for her hustle to survive and trying to be healthy and happy. Good paying jobs with a healthy work environment are scarce and having a certificate or college degree is no guarantee of insurance, competitive pay, or decent treatment.

I limit my interaction and time on social media. I encourage my kids to be careful online and protect their time. I am impressed that they can and do often walk away often to pursue other interests.

I love that my kids still like exploring and hiking in the woods, playing in the creek, biking, roller blading, skateboarding. They’re often the only kids I ever see outside. They ask to play cards or board games after dinner. They play Legos and Wii and Switch together if the weather is too much.

Fitness and exercise seems even to be stressful for many people. I refuse to overwork myself. I love programs that are short and intense and I do see results. Every evening after dinner, I walk about 45 minutes around this little pond park about a half mile from our house. It’s peaceful and I enjoy seeing the waterfowl, bunnies, sometimes deer or horned owls, even a coyote.

I take a bubble bath with Epsom salts every night before bed. I have chamomile tea and read or watch a show. This is my alone time and I protect it.

I still read a story to my son every night at bedtime. Then I usually read an eBook until I can’t see the words anymore and fall asleep. Screens before bed aren’t recommended. I turn off the blue light with settings and I haven’t noticed any problems.

How prioritizing rest helps:

  • Better digestion
  • Better nighttime sleep
  • General contentedness
  • Less stress
  • Time for exercise
  • Peace
  • Less forgetfulness
  • Less anxiety
  • Less clutter
  • Deeper relationships
  • Time for spontaneity
  • Creativity
  • Better immunity

It’s important we model rest for our children so they have better health. We don’t have to hustle like everyone else.

Resources:

How do you prioritize rest?

Linking up: Grammy’s Grid, Pinch of Joy, Random Musings, Anita Ojeda, April Harris, Mostly Blogging, Suburbia, House on Silverado, Stroll Thru Life, LouLou Girls, InstaEncouragements, Shelbee on the Edge, Jenerally Informed, OMHG, Blue Sky at Home, Anchored Abode, Life Abundant, Fluster Buster, Ginger Snap, Ridge Haven Homestead, Girlish Whims, Ducks in a Row, Penny’s Passion, Try it Like it, Artful Mom, Debbie Kitterman, Slices of Life, Embracing Unexpected, Modern Monticello, Fiesta Friday, Answer is Choco, Momfessionals, Hubbard Home, CWJ, Create with Joy, Being a Wordsmith, Pieced Pastimes, Pam’s Party, Simply Sweet Home

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